Family Matters Sharing Household Chores

Sharing Household Chores

Q: I’ve had some trouble getting everyone in the family to

pitch in with the chores and household duties. Sometimes

when I ask the kids to do their share, they get angry and

refuse to cooperate. This puts a lot of strain on my husband

and me and we have become increasingly upset about the

situation.

Do you have any suggestions that might help us get the kids

to cooperate? We have four children: two boys, ages 16 and

15, and two girls who are 10 and 8.

As a family unit we get along wonderfully, but I hate the

disruptions that the lack of cooperation about the chores

causes. My husband and I both hate to have confrontations

with them, but we do realize that we need to do something

about the situation. Thanks for any help that you can give us.

A: Yes, I do have several suggestions for you on positive

parenting skills and getting your children to cooperate on a

regular basis. Do the children get along with each other or do

they fight all the time?

Fami

ly M

atter

s

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Q: They have their difficulties with each other, but most of

the time, they get along well. They have a lot of fun together

when we do family outings.

A: That’s wonderful that your kids all enjoy your family time!

Ideally, this is what you want to happen with the chores. You

want them to understand that cleaning and taking care of

the home can provide more opportunities to have fun

together. It’s not all just hard work.

Emphasize to your kids, also, that the sooner they complete

their chores, the sooner they will have time for themselves.

This will give them an added incentive to finish their chores

quickly and be done with them.

They can work as teams if they like and help each other

out, but they should each have their own individual

chores as well. Do you have a list of chores that you want

each of them to do?

Q: Not right now. We just ask them to do something and they

always balk at it. Should we make some sort of list for them to

look at?

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A: Yes, each child should have age-appropriate chores of

their own.

Q: After we make a list of things that they need to do, how do

we implement them? My husband and I seem to have

difficulties with handling them whenever they are giving us

challenges. It’s not so much that we can’t discipline them, but

more that it’s just easier to do things ourselves when they

won’t listen.

A: That same attitude is more common than you think in

families! Parents don’t want to be too harsh on their kids

because they feel that the world will be very harsh on them

anyway.

It’s important to remember, though, that you’re not being

harsh when you institute discipline and responsibilities. Part

of living is taking care of the home. Once your children see

that they must cooperate, they will learn good lessons for the

rest of their lives. They will know how to care for a home a lot

better than if they didn’t have chores while they were growing

up.


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When you make out your list for the chores, include days

and times that you want them completed. If the kids know

when they need to perform their duties, the chores will more

easily become normal parts of daily life.

Keep on them until they get used to doing their chores

consistently. Ensure that they understand that it’s part of

their responsibilities to get their chores done on time.

Some parents like to have inspections to see that the

chores are done properly. If they’re not done satisfactorily,

the kids must re-do them. This will encourage your children

to do it right the first time.

Q: How do we institute an inspection? I think that might be

the way we would want to go.

A: You can set the inspection up after each one of the chores

at first. Give them ample time to complete the chore and

then check to make sure that it is done correctly.

Q: Ok, we’ll set up the inspection. We can handle that

between the two of us. Are there any other ways that we can


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use positive parenting techniques to help out in this

situation?

A: Yes, implementing these ideas will all help in your

efforts:

1. Give positive feedback to your children. Praise

them when they have completed their chores well.

2. Offer a small allowance to reward them for their

efforts. This technique has the added benefit of

helping them learn how to handle money.

3. Go on a fun family outing. A movie or goofy golf

night would be a good reward for all of them when

they do a good job.

4. Encourage team work. When they learn to work as a

team, they will also learn that work can be fun too.

5. Be a good example by being a tremendous team

as a couple. Help each other with all the different


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things that need to be done so that your children

will see that they can do it also.

Q: I can’t wait until I discuss this all with my husband. He’ll be

pleased that we can use such positive parenting ideas and

teach our children good lessons for the future. Is there any

specific way that you advise to teach our children how to do

the chores properly? I want to make sure that they do them

right.

A: The best way to teach them how to do the chores is to

show them yourselves. At least for the first couple of times,

depending on the difficulty of the chore, show them how to

do the chore all the way through so they can learn the

process you desire. Then, stay with them the first time or two

that they do the chore themselves to ensure that they

remember how to do it.

Q: Ok. We’ll start doing that right away after we make our

lists for each of the children. All this information is so

beneficial. Does it work for other parents when they are

having problems with getting their children to cooperate with

the chores?


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A: Yes, it has helped many other parents with getting

their family to help with the care of the home. Take your

time, and you should be able to get your children up and in

gear in no time at all. Are there any other questions?

Q: In terms of discipline, if they don’t do their chores, what

would you recommend?

A: If they won’t do their chores at all, even after consistently

using the techniques we’ve discussed, then you can take

away certain toys or activities they enjoy. Since there are

many things that might entail, you’ll be able to handle that

properly with each child separately.

Q: Ok, I’ll discuss that issue with my husband as well. We

know what they like to do, so we’ll take that away from them if

we need to.

A: One last thing: it’s important to impart to your children

what a valuable thing it is when they help with running

the household. Your children will feel important and they’ll

know that they are giving something to the family as a whole.


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They’ll feel like they are a part of the family in a deeper way,

and they will be proud of themselves too.

Is there anything else that I can help you with before we go?

Q: No, you’ve given me a lot of great information. This will

definitely help us a lot in getting the kids to cooperate with

the household chores and still be able to have fun as a family.

A: You’re so welcome. Life becomes so much easier when

everyone helps out and there is more time to spend as a

family doing fun things together!


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Family Matters Sharing Household Chores

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Transcript of Family Matters Sharing Household Chores