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Monthly Newsletter 

Sending your child off to a behavioral program,

especially in a foreign country, is probably one of the

hardest decisions you´ll ever have to make as a parent.

The question “when does my child´s behavior cross thelimit to the point I must decide that it´s is time for him to

get help! does not have an easy answer. There are so

many factors involved in the definition of reckless and

dangerous behavior that it is complicated to decide when

it is time to take matters into your hands.

It really doesn t́ matter how you arrive to this last

resource decision, the bottom line is that it will come

with a high emotional price tag. In whatever manner you

decide, there is no way to avoid asking yourself “am I

doing the right thing Is this really the best option! or 

even worse “am I being cruel, fair, un"ust! or plainly

“do I feel guilty about it! #pting for this choice, bluntlysaid, is emotionally draining$ and still then, you do as a

 parent what you have to do to keep your child safe.

%owever you managed to decide, it is only logical to

think that once you&ve made up your mind you probably

considered the long term goals of your decision which

were that he could have a shot at a brighter future andthat in the long run you´d all be in a more suitable

 position to have a better family relationship. #f course,

like any loving parent, you dream about having that

magical connection with your child, being able to sit

down and have significant conversations, spending timetogether, etc. 'fter all, “isn&t that what every caring

 parent wants!

'll the previous considerations reflect in a very general

manner, what parents want and e(pect from enrolling

their child in a speciali)ed boarding school like  Sunset 

 Bay. *onetheless, there are a few things which parents

frequently tend to oversee once their child is enrolled at

the academy which are, "ust to mention a few, “what wi

the child go through, what does he lose by being there

what sort of emotional price tag will he have to pay fo

it 'nd what does he e(pect to get in return from it!

If you ask a child to give you a reason on why he wa

sent to the academy he will most commonly answe

“because my parents want me to be here+!$ there is n

deep or real reasoning behind what got him there in th

first place. This is what we know as the pre

contemplation stage, so you&ll get answers such as “I´m

here because my parents think  that I should be here! o

“-y parents sent me here because they are wrong

 *onetheless, there is a hidden truth behind their answer

which is th

most of th

times, they arnot there of the

own free wil

ven in thos

cases were the

do agree t

enroll

themselves

voluntarily, the

are still left with that question in the back of their mind

“what is wrong with me!

It is important not to forget that every coin has two sideand so does every situation in life. /hen a teen is sent t

a program, he too makes a great emotional and socia

investment in it, whether he knows it or not. 0y being i

far away he loses his home, his parents, his friends . .

his freedom. It is e(tremely difficult to convince them

that all of these privileges are earned, not given. It i

complicated to help them understand that they are there

“Family Matters,Matter”

/right %1linical 2irector S0'.Sunset Bay Academy

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not because they are not wanted, but because they are

loved and something had to be done to help them.

0eing so, most kids will cling to the idea that if they can

 behave or can prove to their parents that they are working

with the program, they´ll be able to return home soon.

#thers might try to manipulate, lie, or be more resistantto change and might take some more time to figure it out.

0ut whether they figure it out immediately or not, they

all have the same e(pectation which is that their parents

will someday see their change and take them back. So in

essence, a child´s biggest motivation to change isreturning to their family. This is why we, as a behavioral

modification program, are so adamant in having parents

 participate in their child´s recovery.

/henever a parent does not  participate actively in his

child´s rehabilitation process, the kid basically gives up.

%e comes to the wrongful conclusion that he ś there because something is either wrong with him or his

 parents, or because he simply is not wanted anymore.

Sadly, this leads

them to the

conclusion that

working the

 program is "ust a

waste of time

and that

graduation is

meaningless if 

no matter whathe does he´ll end up staying there until he´s of legal age

to decide what is best for him. This is money down the

drain.

 *ot long ago, I was having a conversation with one of 

our teens whose parents almost never called and never, in

all the time the child stayed with us, attended a family

seminar. I was insistent on trying to convince him that in

the long run, having a change of heart would benefit no

one but himself. 3olitely he interrupted me and said

“Please Dr Wright, I know you mean well but I 

understand perfectly that my parents use programs like

this as a crutch to handle their inability to deal with me”.4ight or wrong, this kid felt his parents had given up on

him, and in response he did e(actly the same thing and

gave up on himself.

This brings me to the following$ there are two common

misconceptions about behavioral problems. The first one

is that bad behavior just happens. 0ehavioral issues donot “happen!, you “grow! into them. 0ehavior, however 

it comes, is a process. It is the direct result of internal an

e(ternal factors. ven in those cases were we could argu

that there is a brain dysfunction, such as a neurochemica

imbalance, which is causing the problem, we would hav

to consider the fact that the brain´s sole purpose is to helus adapt to our environment, so we´d have to as

ourselves what came first, if the chicken or the egg. Iother words, we would have to question if th

neurochemical imbalance changed the child´s behavio

or viceversa. /as the child´s brain chemistry changed a

a result of his need to adapt to his environment If so

what was going on at home, that had him change in suc

a way

The second common misconception is that a behaviora

 problem is an “individual problem”. *othing farth

from the truth$ behavioral problems are “relationa

 problems”  They manifest themselves in socia

surroundings, whether it is family, school or society. It ithe result of a direct conflict between what an individua

considers he should do and what those that surround him

e(pect him to do. 0eing so, we then need to understan

that any behavior, good or bad, is a two way street$ tha

in which one acts and that in which the other one reacts

In this manner, to give an e(ample, if my child run

impetuously through the living room, knocks down th

coffee table, I get upset and scream at him at the top o

my lungs, I will get a reaction from him which can b

anything between fear, anger or rage. -y action causes

reaction, if he reacts in rage, who causes the problem

0oth of us do, therefore both of us must fi( it.

The golden rule to raise a child with good discipline i

that discipline is not the result of having an abundan

number of rules to govern our child´s behavior$ goo

 behavior is the result of close and significan

relationships. It is easier for a child to listen and followsomeone who he deeply cares for, than someone who

constantly telling him what he has to do, without reall

caring for him or what he thinks or feels.

The bottom line is that parenting cannot be outsourced.

you want your child to care for what you feel, think o

do, to be disciplined, to have a meaningful relationshiwith you, you first must consider how much do you car

for what he feels, thinks or does, how disciplined yo

are, or how meaningful your relationship with him reall

is. The parenting parado( is you cannot give that whic

you do not know or have.

 Sunset Bay can teach you and your child plenty. /e cacertainly help you and your family overcome you

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difficulties$ however, nothing of what we can teach you

or do will ever substitute the power that your child´s love

for you has to encourage and motivate him to change.

'nd this, dear parents, is why we adopt the family, no

the child.