FACS 56 life management

the communication process

nonverbal messages & culture

culture—set of traditional beliefs & values that are shared in a given group

•can exist within a country, a business, or a family•can be based upon age, occupations or income, sexual orientation, ethnic or racial heritage, or religious beliefs•differences in people from two-parent families & single-parent families; those that are able bodied compared to those with disabilities

nonverbal messages & culture

nonverbal communication can be communicated differently from culture to culture

gestures—some use a lot; some are more reserved

offensive gestures?

facial expressions were thought to be universal—study with Japanese medical students proved this wrong

communication interference

what are some common interferences in two-way communication?•noise—tv, kids, loud music, etc…•receiver’s emotional state—too tired, hungry, worried about something else•prejudice•lack of trust or rapport

the sender needs to analyze the situation—eliminate barriers or postpone conversation

communication interference

if people exchange messages in an environment of acceptance they feel valued—trust emerges

with each positive interaction people are willing to risk more and more trust develops

with more trust comes moreopenness, freedom and spontaneity within the relationship

effective communication

each of us communicates in a particular way—take the time to identify strengths & weaknesses

effective communication

•some make sense of the world by seeing•others by hearing

•some begin conversation with small talk•others get right to the point

•some have more highly developed interpersonal skills—more sensitive to the meaning of the responses of others

effective communication

differences in style are normal

an awareness of styles helps us to identify successful communication strategies

we should strive to be flexible and feel comfortable with different styles

examples?

effective communication

we also need to be aware of personal prejudices

we all develop beliefs & attitudes in childhood that rationally we no longer accept, but they still affect our emotions and reactions

BE ALERT to these feelings & learn to moderate them—then we can grow personally and improve our relationships

effective communication

for effective communication we want an atmosphere that is open and trusting

“I” statements vs. “you” statements

You make me so angry!I feel so upset.

•“you” places blame•“I” focuses on what the sender knows—personal feelings, motives & actions

3-step assertion model

being open about personal feelings & desires is part of good communication

many people find this difficult—especially when dealing with issues they would rather avoid, ignore or deny

examples include asking for help/a favor, or admitting a mistake

3-step assertion model

difficult situation examples:•asking a housemate to help keep the house clean•asking a guest at your party to stop drinking•asking a boss to plan ahead better instead of operating in crisis mode

can you think of any in your own life?

3-step assertion model

opportunities to use “I” statements and the 3-step assertion model:…I feel……I want……I vow…

1.begin by identifying situation using facts only2.do not place blame or judge3.just describe the situation4.focus on the action or behavior, not the person

3-step assertion model

opportunities to use “I” statements and the 3-step assertion model:…I feel……I want……I vow…

1.begin by identifying situation using facts only, do not place blame or judge2.just describe the situation—focus on the action or behavior, not the person3.move into the assertion model

3-step assertion model

I feel…•how you feel cannot be challenged by others—you are the authority•informing others of your feelings can provide them with valuable feedback

I want…•people are not mind readers•it is unfair to assume the know what you want or need•your responsibility to tell them

3-step assertion model

I vow…•a statement of what you want to do•needs to be a plan independent of the other person•needs to avoid threat or judgment—create trusting environment

3-step assertion model

EXAMPLE:The house is very dirty. The kitchen counters are covered in crumbs and dishes are piled high in the sink.

Does not place blame or judge, focuses on the situation not the person, uses facts.

3-step assertion model

EXAMPLE:I really feel uncomfortable when the kitchen is dirty.

I want the dishes to be rinsed off and put in the dishwasher after every meal.

I am willing to do all of my own dishes, but not yours.

3-step assertion model

like any new habit, being assertive will feel uncomfortable at first

people who have made being assertive a habit are easier to be around, less stressed, and happier

participation activity:practicing the assertion model pgs. 173-4

…Consider something small that has been irritating you. Imagine how you might normally handle that problem. Using the 3-step assertion model, write out the script of what you might say (figure 17-6)

…Wait a day or two & re-read the script—make improvements where needed. …Use the script to assertively discuss the irritation with the other person involved…Write about your experience (figure 17-7)

what were the results, your feelings, what you wish you had done differently