Eyewitness account English subject leaders and...

SecondaryNational Strategy

Eyewitness accountYear 9 writing task

Teacher pack

Guidance

Curriculum andStandards

English subjectleaders and teachers of EnglishStatus: Recommended

Date of issue: 01-2006

Ref: DfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN

Assessing pupils’ progress in English atKey Stage 3

Eyewitness account

Year 9 writing task

Framework objectives Writing 11 Make telling use of descriptive detail.

Writing triplet Inform, explain, describe

Assessment focuses AF1 Write imaginative, interesting and thoughtful texts. AF2 Produce texts which are appropriate to task, reader and purpose. AF3 Organise and present whole texts effectively, sequencing and

structuring information, ideas and events. AF4 Construct paragraphs and use cohesion within and between

paragraphs. AF5 Vary sentences for clarity, purpose and effect. AF6 Write with technical accuracy of syntax and punctuation in phrases,

clauses and sentences. AF7 Select appropriate and effective vocabulary. AF8 Use correct spelling.

Time needed Two consecutive one-hour lessons. Timings will need to be adapted if lessonsare longer or shorter than 60 minutes.

These timings are estimates for guidance rather than obligatory timings. The most important consideration is that pupils should have sufficient time tocomplete the task, working independently. Unfinished tasks are unlikely toproduce evidence on all the assessment focuses.

Teachers may adjust the timings for the task to take account of their particularcircumstances, but should bear in mind that spending overmuch time on anysection may disadvantage pupils.

Pack includes Teacher notesOHT 1 – task and features of writing to describe OHT 2 – basic sentence activity OHT 3 – model text: Captain’s JournalOHT 4 – extract for exploration OHT 5 – fact sheet OHT 6 – planning sheet Marking guidelines Annotated exemplar responses

2 Secondary National Strategy | Assessing pupils’ progress in © Crown copyright 2006English at Key Stage 3 DfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN

Task outline This task requires pupils to write an eyewitness account of a volcanic eruption,using information from a fact sheet. As preparation for the task, they study ajournal entry about a storm at sea, identifying the language features that makeit an effective account. Pupils write the opening of their eyewitness account asa shared class composition. They then complete their account independently,drawing on what they have learned from the journal entry and selectinginformation from the fact sheet.

3© Crown copyright 2006 Secondary National Strategy | Assessing pupils’ progress in DfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN English at Key Stage 3

Teacher notes

Teaching sequence

LESSON 1 � Share lesson objectives with the class, rephrasing as appropriate for

the group.

Introduction (20 minutes) � Introduce the task to the class, using OHT 1 (page 2 of the pupil booklet).

Explain that they are to describe the experience of being in the vicinity of avolcano eruption, using some information about a real event, to be lookedat in detail later in the lesson. Explain that descriptive writing uses selectivedetail carefully to help the reader imagine and visualise the scene/event.

� Ask pupils to highlight in their booklets, the audience, purpose and form ofthe task. Take brief feedback on this and clarify any misunderstanding.

� Introduce the “features of writing to describe”, as shown in the table onOHT 1 (page 2 of the pupil booklet) and explain that they are going to lookat how these features can be used by working on two simple sentences.

� Show OHT 2. Explain that both examples are taken from the journalaccount that they are going to read in the next part of the lesson. Askthem to look at Example 1, a basic sentence to which detail must beadded in order to create a vivid image in the mind of the reader. Talkthrough Example 1, drawing out how the original sentence has beenexpanded to provide descriptive detail. Then ask pupils, in pairs, to use thebasic sentence given in Example 2 to build a picture of threat and danger.

� Take selective feedback from some pairs on suggestions they have madefor Example 2.

Development (35 minutes)� Show the Captain’s Journal entry, OHT 3 (page 4 of the pupil booklet).

Encourage pupils to highlight, in their booklets, any descriptions that helpthem picture the events being recounted, as you read.

� After reading out the model entry, collect suggestions from the class ofdescriptions that they think are particularly effective. Ask the class to pointout which of the examples fit the features on OHT 1.

� Ask for feedback on the way the writer has expanded the sentence on OHT 2.


� Explain that you are now going to look in more detail at the first threeparagraphs on OHT 4. Below, in the table, is an annotated version of OHT 4, matching examples to the features on the checklist. Go througheach feature in turn and draw out in discussion how each featurecontributes to the overall descriptive effect.


Text Annotations on features

Looking at the sea now, I could never haveimagined that what we’d had to endure less thana week ago could have had such a devastatingeffect on our small community: families withoutfathers, mothers without sons.

It began early on Thursday morning, only minutesafter leaving shore. As I looked through mytelescope due west, the sea was flat calm, and the deepest blue, reflecting a cloudless sky. To aninexperienced eye, the view held no danger, butthe instruments and the horizon told medifferently. Squalls, which signal a storm, layominously in wait, their silhouettes likemountains, laden with snow.

Ahead, the sea stretched out, like a carpet,enticing me. Unfortunately, I had no choice but tocarry on with my journey. The delivery wasessential to the survival of Pelican Harbour: theyhad been snowed in for more than a week andthis was their lifeline. The radio hailed me.Knowing it would be the Coastguard, Ben, I answered, although I knew that he would be trying to dissuade me from the voyage. I confirmed my route and that I would keep in contact.

Vary sentences for clarity,purpose and effect:opening phrase toestablish setting andposition the reader.

Connectives used forjoining ideas together:phrase establishing timesequence.

Language used to createimages: a picture iscreated for the reader.

Imaginative treatment ofmaterial: a backgroundstory has been created toadd detail for the reader.

� Direct pupils to do the same with the remaining four paragraphs of thejournal entry, looking for one example of each feature on the checklist. To make it easier, pupils can number the highlighted examples, correlatingwith the checklist on OHT 1.

� Take feedback from a few pupils about their decisions and the reasons forthem. Clarify any misunderstanding about any of the features and correctany that are not on the features checklist. Remind pupils that they aregoing to write their own eyewitness account in a similar style.

� Show the fact sheet about the Mount St Helens eruption, OHT 5 (page 6of the pupil booklet). Explain that these are some facts about a realvolcano eruption that happened in 1980. Ask pupils to read through theinformation and select, by highlighting in their booklets, some detail thatthey might want to include in their eyewitness account.

Plenary (5 minutes) � Take selective feedback from some pupils about the detail they have

chosen and the reasons for their choice. Remind them of the task they willbe doing next lesson.

At this point the teacher may wish to introduce some further stimulus, forexample photographs of a volcano erupting or video footage.


LESSON 2 � Remind pupils of the learning objectives for these two lessons.

Introduction (20 minutes) � Direct pupils’ attention to the Mount St Helens fact sheet (page 6 of the

pupil booklet) and remind pupils of their task and the information theyselected in the previous lesson. Show the planning sheet, OHT 6 (page 7of the pupil booklet), and ask pupils to transfer the information that theywant to include in their description from page 6 onto the planning sheet onpage 7/OHT 6.

� Remind the class that they have to translate the information into a detaileddescription. Read a small section of the Captain’s Journal to give them anidea. Demonstrate how to create a description from the fact sheet on OHT 5. There is a suggestion below. As you are writing, explain to theclass how the writing meets the features on OHT 1.

Fact sheet information: 8.30 – ash and steam emerge from volcano top

Demonstration: The day had only just started. People were eating breakfast, driving towork, walking the dog. All seemed normal. The sky was blue and the sun was warming the ground. I looked out of the window to check whether ornot to peg out the washing, when, in the distance, I noticed that the usualsilhouette of the Mountain was blurred by what appeared to be a lone,dense, storm cloud.

� Ask the class for suggestions for composing the next sentence. Elicit suggestions which would create a vivid picture of the beginning of the eruption. Briefly discuss some of the suggestions and possibleimprovements.

� Look again at the features checklist on OHT 1. Ask pupils to write theopening sentence for each of the sections they have chosen on theirplanning sheet, bearing in mind the features required.

� Ask the class to share their sentences with the pupil next to them andsuggest to each other how they might restructure or further develop the sentence.


Development (40 minutes) � Explain that they are now going to write their own eyewitness account of a

volcanic eruption based on the information in the fact sheet. Emphasisethat they need to write in imaginative detail so that the reader can picturethe experience for themselves. Remind pupils to make use of the modeltext, the checklist of writing features and their planning sheet to help themwrite. They should start writing on page 8 of the pupil booklet.

These are not test conditions so prompt pupils if necessary (e.g. to writemore, to explain themselves more clearly and so on). Do not, however, providesupport of a kind that means that pupils are no longer responding to the taskindependently. If this kind of support is necessary for an individual in thecontext of the lesson, you will need to take the degree of support into accountwhen making the assessment judgement.

It is good practice to: � tell pupils if they have not written enough or are writing too much; � prompt them to explain their answer more clearly; � generally encourage them; � clarify a question or issue for the whole class if there seems to be a fairly

general misunderstanding; � remind pupils how much time they have left to complete the task.

� In the last ten minutes, ask pupils to check their work for technicalaccuracy and against the checklist of writing features. They should tick thefeature when they have found evidence that it has been addressed.

Assessment � Use the marking guidelines to judge pupils’ overall levels on the specified

assessment focuses. Highlight, then tick, the sections of the markingguidelines according to the features you find and then consider whetherthe weight of evidence is at secure or low level 4, 5 or 6.

� Annotated exemplar responses for each question at every level are alsoincluded for reference and to give guidance on how the criteria are to be applied.


These materials have been developed by QCA in partnership with the Secondary National Strategy.

The help provided by the teachers and pupils who have trialled the materials as part of the Monitoring Pupils’ Progress in English project has been invaluable.


OHT 1/page 2 of pupil bookletTask and features of writing to describe

Task:

Write a descriptive account of a volcano eruption, from the point of view of aneyewitness, for a geography textbook to be studied in year 7.

Features of writing to describe Included in own account

1 Sentences varied for clarity, purpose and effect

2 Imaginative treatment of material

3 Language used to create images

4 Connectives used for joining ideas together


OHT 2/page 3 of pupil bookletBasic sentence activity

Example 1:

The sea was calm.

As I looked through my telescope due west, the sea was flat calmand the deepest blue, reflecting a cloudless sky.

Example 2:

The boat was being thrown thirty metres.


OHT 3/page 4 of pupil bookletModel text: Captain’s Journal

Eyewitness account: Captain’s Journal

Looking at the sea now, I could never have imagined that what we’d had to endureless than a week ago could have had such a devastating effect on our smallcommunity: families without fathers, mothers without sons.

It began early on Thursday morning, only minutes after leaving shore. As I lookedthrough my telescope due west, the sea was flat calm and the deepest blue, reflectinga cloudless sky. To an inexperienced eye, the view held no danger, but the instrumentsand the horizon told me differently. Squalls, which signal a storm, lay ominously inwait, their silhouettes like mountains, laden with snow.

Ahead, the sea stretched out, like a carpet, enticing me. Unfortunately, I had no choicebut to carry on with my journey. The delivery was essential to the survival of PelicanHarbour: they had been snowed in for more than a week and this was their lifeline.The radio hailed me. Knowing it would be the Coastguard, Ben, I answered, althoughI knew that he would be trying to dissuade me from the voyage. I confirmed my routeand that I would keep in contact.

Four hours into the journey, the howling winds had reached gale force. Even with thethrobbing engines on full, I could only just make headway. At this rate, I was in dangerof running out of fuel. As it was, I only had enough to reach my destination, not to getback. I knew that once I arrived, I would have to stay in Pelican until another boat couldweather the storm or until the snow plough could break through the mountain road.

At its peak, the boat was being thrown thirty metres and then plunged into troughsthat felt like they might reach the centre of the earth. I looked through the window.There was little visibility due to the constant bombardment by the waves. Wall afterwall of water presented themselves to our tiny boat. We had lost everything that wasnot battened down, the hold was full of water and we were listing to starboard. In amoment of clear air ahead of me, I caught sight of a tumultuous wave, greater thanany I’d ever seen. I had little time to act; I had to turn her otherwise we would havebeen somersaulted backwards to our deaths. As the mountain of a wave descendedover the boat, all daylight disappeared. I pictured my family, waiting at home. Theforce of the water drove me from my hiding place in the cockpit and bounced mearound for what seemed like an eternity, every move appearing in slow-motion.

Once the greatest impact had passed, I realised that I had lost all feeling in my armand that blood was gushing through a tear in my waterproofs. The violent pitchingcontinued, preventing me from finding a secure place to lie. I rolled myself up in aball, hoping that the next rock would wedge me in a corner. I waited, listening to thepounding of the waves, imagining with every crash that the boat would split apart.

Eventually, after an eternity, the undulating was lessening and I realised I’d survived.I carefully lifted my bruised body from the floor, trying to decide what to do next. I had few options, than to wait to be rescued. At least I had survived.


OHT 4/page 5 of pupil bookletExtract for exploration

Looking at the sea now, I could never haveimagined that what we’d had to endure less than aweek ago could have had such a devastating effecton our small community: families without fathers,mothers without sons.

It began early on Thursday morning, only minutesafter leaving shore. As I looked through mytelescope due west, the sea was flat calm and thedeepest blue, reflecting a cloudless sky. To aninexperienced eye, the view held no danger, butthe instruments and the horizon told medifferently. Squalls, which signal a storm, layominously in wait, their silhouettes like mountains,laden with snow.

Ahead, the sea stretched out, like a carpet, enticingme. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to carry onwith my journey. The delivery was essential to thesurvival of Pelican Harbour: they had been snowed infor more than a week and this was their lifeline. Theradio hailed me. Knowing it would be theCoastguard, Ben, I answered, although I knew that hewould be trying to dissuade me from the voyage. I confirmed my route and that I would keep in contact.


OHT 5/page 6 of pupil bookletFact sheet

Mount St Helens

Volcanic Eruption Fact Sheet

Location: Pine Creek, Washington State, North West Coast, USA.Date: 18th May 1980

Eruption day.....Eruption day.....Eruption day.....Eruption day.....Eruption day.....

Sequence of events:8.30: ash and steam emerge from volcano top8.32: earthquake measuring 5.4 on Richter Scale occurs8.33: side of mountain explodes:

– huge, boiling lava stream travels south-east at 700mph– steam, dust and rocks hurled up to 25km north, continuing all day

Consequences:

� Local villages destroyed

� 57 people dead

� 17-mile radius circle of destruction

� Ash encircled earth by day 8

Build-up to eruption day:

20th March: minor earth tremor1st–14th April: small daily eruptions.Mountainside bulged by 2.5mper day14th April: nearby villagesevacuated, but many returnedwithin days


OHT 6/page 7 of pupil bookletPlanning sheet

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idea

s

an

d m

ate

ria

l a

pp

rop

ria

tely

sh

ap

ed f

or

an e

ye

witn

ess

acco

un

t in

a s

ch

oo

l te

xt

•cle

ar

vie

wp

oin

t e

sta

blis

he

d,

ge

nera

lly

consis

tent, w

ith s

om

e

ela

bo

ratio

n,

e.g

. som

e,

un

eve

n, d

evelo

pm

en

t of

indiv

idual voic

e o

r ch

ara

cte

risa

tio

n in r

ole

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ain

pu

rpose o

f w

ritin

g

to d

escrib

e is c

lea

r a

nd

co

nsis

tently m

ain

tain

ed

•fe

atu

res o

f w

ritin

g a

n

eye

witn

ess a

cco

unt

cle

arly

esta

blis

he

d w

ith s

om

e

ad

ap

tatio

n t

o w

riting

to

describe

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priate

sty

le c

learly

esta

blis

he

d t

o m

ain

tain

Y

ea

r 7

au

die

nce

’s inte

rest

thro

ug

hou

t

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ca

bu

lary

ch

ose

n

for

effect o

f cre

ating

im

agery

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ly w

ide

vo

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bu

lary

use

d,

tho

ug

h

no

t a

lwa

ys a

pp

rop

ria

tely

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ect spelli

ng o

f:

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mon g

ram

matica

l fu

nction

word

s c

onsis

tently

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ost all

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cte

d w

ord

s

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ost deri

vatio

nal suff

ixes,

e.g

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, -ise, -a

l/ia

l, -

able

/ible

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ost pre

fixes,

e.g

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appe

ar,

un

cert

ain

, excla

im

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ors

:

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nal ph

onetica

lly

pla

usib

le s

pelli

ng in

conte

nt

wo

rds, e

.g. bo

ard

, a

csept,

hungre

y, te

ryfing

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conso

nants

in

pre

fixes,

e.g

. ir

regula

r,

unnece

ssary

IE

Ove

rall

asse

ssm

en

t (t

ick o

ne

bo

x o

nly

) S

ecu

re 6

L

ow

6

Se

cu

re 5

L

ow

5

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t


Mark

ing

gu

idelin

es –

Year

9 t

ask –

Eyew

itn

ess a

cco

un

t

Asse

ssin

g p

up

ils’ p

rog

ress in

En

glis

h a

t K

ey S

tag

e 3

Pupil

nam

e........................................................................................

Form

.................................

Date

...............................

A

F5

– v

ary

se

nte

nc

es

fo

r cla

rity

, p

urp

os

e a

nd

e

ffe

ct.

AF

6 –

wri

te w

ith

te

ch

nic

al

accu

rac

y o

f s

yn

tax a

nd

p

un

ctu

ati

on

…

AF

3 –

org

an

ise a

nd

p

resen

t w

ho

le t

exts

e

ffe

cti

ve

ly…

AF

4 –

co

nstr

uct

para

gra

ph

s a

nd

use

co

hesio

n w

ith

in a

nd

b

etw

een

para

gra

ph

s.

AF

1 –

wri

te i

ma

gin

ati

ve

, in

tere

sti

ng

an

d t

ho

ug

htf

ul

tex

ts.

AF

2 –

pro

du

ce t

exts

w

hic

h a

re a

pp

rop

riate

to

ta

sk, re

ad

er

an

d p

urp

ose.

AF

7 –

se

lec

t ap

pro

pri

ate

an

d

eff

ec

tive

vo

ca

bu

lary

.

AF

8 –

use c

orr

ect

sp

ellin

g.

L5

•a v

ariety

of sente

nce

length

s, str

uctu

res a

nd

su

bje

cts

pro

vid

es c

larity

a

nd

em

ph

asis

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ide

r ra

ng

e o

f co

nn

ective

s u

sed

to

cla

rify

re

latio

nsh

ip

be

twe

en

id

eas,

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rad

ua

lly,

next,

m

eanw

hile

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me fe

atu

res o

f sente

nce s

tructu

re u

sed

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uild

up

deta

il o

r co

nve

y s

ha

des o

f m

eanin

g, e.g

. vari

atio

n in

w

ord

ord

er,

modals

in

verb

phra

ses

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ll ra

ng

e o

f p

unctu

atio

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use

d a

ccu

rate

ly t

o

dem

arc

ate

sente

nces,

inclu

din

g s

peech

punctu

ation, w

here

appro

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tax a

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pu

nctu

atio

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with

in t

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en

tence

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rate

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mas to m

ark

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uses,

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ug

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om

e e

rrors

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r w

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re a

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itio

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tru

ctu

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nce

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ised

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ap

pro

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lop

me

nt

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ria

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ctive

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g

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ss

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cu

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f p

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un

s,

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nn

ectives,

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ck to

text

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ks b

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ee

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ns

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ain

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ss

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te

xt

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ith

so

me

im

agin

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me

nt

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d m

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e o

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ain

pu

rpose o

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ain

tain

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g a

n

eye

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cco

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om

e

ad

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n t

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riting

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sty

le c

learly

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blis

he

d t

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tain

Y

ea

r 7

au

die

nce

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rest

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ug

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t

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lary

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ose

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ly w

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lary

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ria

tely

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ect spelli

ng o

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mon g

ram

matica

l fu

nction

word

s c

onsis

tently

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ost all

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d w

ord

s

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vatio

nal suff

ixes,

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l/ia

l, -

able

/ible

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fixes,

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appear,

uncert

ain

, excla

im

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:

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nal ph

onetica

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pla

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le s

pelli

ng in

conte

nt

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rds, e

.g. bo

ard

, a

csept,

hungre

y, te

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conso

nants

in

pre

fixes,

e.g

. ir

regula

r,

unnece

ssary

L4

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e a

ttem

pt

to v

ary

le

ng

th,

str

uctu

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nd

su

bje

ct of se

nte

nces

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f som

e

su

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rdin

ating

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nn

ective

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when,

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ca

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me

va

ria

tio

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te

nse

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ve

rb f

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e

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rks,

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er

pu

nctu

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ark

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ts

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su

ally

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aig

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en

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ain

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en

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ask,

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ness o

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ear

7

au

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ot

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ays

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ined

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me

evid

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ce o

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era

te v

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ry

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es t

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escrib

e

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me

exp

an

sio

n o

f g

en

era

l vo

ca

bu

lary

to

m

atc

h topic

of

revis

ion

corr

ect spelli

ng o

f:

•m

ost com

mon g

ram

matical

function

word

s, e.g

. you,

because

,alth

ough

•m

ost ad

verb

s w

ith -

lyfo

rmatio

n

likely

err

ors

:

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oph

ones o

f co

mm

on

gra

mm

atical fu

nction

word

s,

e.g

. th

ey’re/t

heir/th

ere

, o

f/have/o

ff

•occasio

nal ph

onetica

lly

pla

usib

le s

pelli

ng in

conte

nt

wo

rds, e

.g. bo

ard

, a

csept,

hungre

y, te

ryfing

•occasio

nal in

flecte

d w

ord

s,

e.g

.-e

s,

-ed, -i

es, -ie

d, -e

r,

-est, -

ier,

-ie

st, -

ing

B4

IE

Ove

rall

asse

ssm

en

t (t

ick o

ne

bo

x o

nly

) S

ecu

re 5

L

ow

5

Se

cu

re 4

L

ow

4

Be

low

4

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t


Level 4: Response and commentary

Frequentphoneticallyplausiblespelling (AF8 L3 b2)

Main purpose ofwriting todescribe is clear(AF2 L4 b1)

Sections help toorganise content(AF4 L4 b1)

Materialgenerally inlogical sequence(AF3 L4 b3)

Correct spellingof words withinflectedendings (AF8 L4 b5)

Straightforwardviewpointestablished andmaintained(AF1 L4 b3)

Sentencesdemarcatedaccurately, (AF6 L4 b1) butsome evidencestill of comma-splicing

Some expansionof vocabulary tomatch topic (AF7 L4 b2)

Some attempt tovary length andstructure ofsentences (AF5 L4 b1)

Withinparagraphs,some use ofconnectivesbetweensentences (AF4 L4 b2)

This response selects and elaborates relevant material, adopting a straightforwardeyewitness viewpoint (AF1) and establishing an appropriate style that attempts toemphasise the nature of the disaster by means of contrasting description of previousbeauty (AF2). The account is logically sequenced, with some clustering of related pointsinto paragraphs (AF3) and with some use of connectives within the two paragraphs tosupport cohesion (AF4). Some attempt is made to vary the length and structure ofsentences (AF5), but the demarcation of sentences is not always secure, and there is littleuse of other punctuation (AF6). Vocabulary choices are generally appropriate to the topic(AF7). Although there are few errors in the spelling of words with inflected endings (AF8),there are frequent phonetically plausible spellings.

For most of the assessment focuses, there is evidence of the pupil addressing the level 4criteria and in many cases fulfilling these quite confidently. Hence the overall judgementis secure level 4.

Annotated exemplar responses


Mark

ing

gu

idelin

es –

Year

9 t

ask –

Eyew

itn

ess a

cco

un

t

Level 4 e

xam

ple

Asse

ssin

g p

up

ils’ p

rog

ress in

En

glis

h a

t K

ey S

tag

e 3

Pupil

nam

e........................................................................................

Form

.................................

Date

...............................

A

F5

– v

ary

se

nte

nc

es

fo

r cla

rity

, p

urp

os

e a

nd

e

ffe

ct.

AF

6 –

wri

te w

ith

te

ch

nic

al

accu

rac

y o

f s

yn

tax a

nd

p

un

ctu

ati

on

…

AF

3 –

org

an

ise a

nd

p

resen

t w

ho

le t

exts

e

ffe

cti

ve

ly…

AF

4 –

co

nstr

uct

para

gra

ph

s a

nd

use

co

hesio

n w

ith

in a

nd

b

etw

een

para

gra

ph

s.

AF

1 –

wri

te i

ma

gin

ati

ve

, in

tere

sti

ng

an

d t

ho

ug

htf

ul

tex

ts.

AF

2 –

pro

du

ce t

exts

w

hic

h a

re a

pp

rop

riate

to

ta

sk, re

ad

er

an

d p

urp

ose.

AF

7 –

se

lec

t ap

pro

pri

ate

an

d

eff

ec

tive

vo

ca

bu

lary

.

AF

8 –

use c

orr

ect

sp

ellin

g.

L5

•a v

ariety

of sente

nce

length

s, str

uctu

res a

nd

su

bje

cts

pro

vid

es c

larity

a

nd

em

ph

asis

•w

ide

r ra

ng

e o

f co

nn

ective

s u

sed

to

cla

rify

re

latio

nsh

ip

be

twe

en

id

eas,

e.g

. g

rad

ua

lly,

next,

m

eanw

hile

•so

me fe

atu

res o

f sente

nce s

tructu

re u

sed

to b

uild

up

deta

il o

r co

nve

y s

ha

des o

f m

eanin

g, e.g

. vari

atio

n in

w

ord

ord

er,

modals

in

verb

phra

ses

•fu

ll ra

ng

e o

f p

unctu

atio

n

use

d a

ccu

rate

ly t

o

dem

arc

ate

sente

nces,

inclu

din

g s

peech

punctu

ation, w

here

appro

priate

•syn

tax a

nd

pu

nctu

atio

n

with

in t

he s

en

tence

ge

ne

rally

accu

rate

inclu

din

g

com

mas to m

ark

cla

uses,

tho

ug

h s

om

e e

rrors

occu

r w

he

re a

mb

itio

us s

tru

ctu

res

are

att

em

pte

d

•m

ate

rial is

str

uctu

red

cle

arl

y,

with

se

nte

nce

s

org

an

ised

into

ap

pro

pri

ate

p

ara

gra

phs

•d

eve

lop

me

nt

of

mate

ria

l is

effe

ctive

ly m

an

ag

ed

a

cro

ss te

xt,

e.g

. clo

se

re

fers

back to o

penin

g

•o

ve

rall

dire

ctio

n o

f th

e

text

su

pp

ort

ed

by c

lea

r lin

ks

be

twe

en

pa

rag

raphs

•p

ara

gra

phs c

learly

str

uctu

re m

ain

id

eas a

cro

ss

text

to s

up

po

rt p

urp

ose

to

de

scri

be,

e.g

. lo

gic

al lin

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Ove

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asse

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Se

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L

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Be

low

4

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t



Variety ofsentencestructureprovides clarityand emphasis(AF5 L5 b1)

Overall directionof the textsupported byparagraph links(AF3 L5 b3)

Writingstructured withsentencesorganised intoappropriateparagraphs (AF3 L5 b1)

Links betweenparagraphsgenerallymaintained (AF4 L5 b3)

Relevant ideasdeveloped withsomeimaginativedetail (AF1 L5 b1)

Clear viewpoint(AF1 L5 b3) andfeatures ofeyewitnessaccount (AF2 L5 b2)established

Main purpose ofwriting todescribe clearand consistentlymaintained (AF2 L5 b1)

Reasonably wide,appropriatevocabulary used(AF7 L5 b2)

Withinparagraphs,connectives andpronounssupport cohesion(AF4 L5 b2)

Paragraphsclearly structuremain ideas (AF4 L5 b1)

Some errors inendings ofinflected words(AF8 L4 b5)

Sentencesdemarcatedaccuratelythroughout(AF6 L4 b1)


This is a confidently organised response (AF3), selecting and developing relevant subjectmatter with some elaboration (AF1) and establishing and maintaining appropriatefeatures for an eyewitness description of events (AF2). Material is organised intoparagraphs (AF3) that provide a structure for subject matter, and coherence and cohesionare further supported by the use of connectives both within and between paragraphs(AF4). Sentence structure is varied for effect and emphasis (AF5), and sentencedemarcation is consistently accurate but with little use of other punctuation (AF6). A reasonably wide range of vocabulary is used (AF7), but there are a number of spellingmistakes, including endings of inflected words (AF8).

For most of the assessment focuses, there is evidence of the pupil addressing the level 5criteria and fulfilling these in many cases quite confidently. Hence the overall judgementis secure level 5.


Mark

ing

gu

idelin

es –

Year

9 t

ask –

Eyew

itn

ess a

cco

un

t

Level 5 e

xam

ple

Asse

ssin

g p

up

ils’ p

rog

ress in

En

glis

h a

t K

ey S

tag

e 3

Pupil

nam

e........................................................................................

Form

.................................

Date

...............................

A

F5

– v

ary

se

nte

nc

es

fo

r cla

rity

, p

urp

os

e a

nd

e

ffe

ct.

AF

6 –

wri

te w

ith

te

ch

nic

al

accu

rac

y o

f s

yn

tax a

nd

p

un

ctu

ati

on

…

AF

3 –

org

an

ise a

nd

p

resen

t w

ho

le t

exts

e

ffe

cti

ve

ly…

AF

4 –

co

nstr

uct

para

gra

ph

s a

nd

use

co

hesio

n w

ith

in a

nd

b

etw

een

para

gra

ph

s.

AF

1 –

wri

te i

ma

gin

ati

ve

, in

tere

sti

ng

an

d t

ho

ug

htf

ul

tex

ts.

AF

2 –

pro

du

ce t

exts

w

hic

h a

re a

pp

rop

riate

to

ta

sk, re

ad

er

an

d p

urp

ose.

AF

7 –

se

lec

t ap

pro

pri

ate

an

d

eff

ec

tive

vo

ca

bu

lary

.

AF

8 –

use c

orr

ect

sp

ellin

g.

L5

•a v

ariety

of sente

nce

length

s, str

uctu

res a

nd

su

bje

cts

pro

vid

es c

larity

a

nd

em

ph

asis

•w

ide

r ra

ng

e o

f co

nn

ective

s u

sed

to

cla

rify

re

latio

nsh

ip

be

twe

en

id

eas,

e.g

. g

rad

ua

lly,

next,

m

eanw

hile

•so

me fe

atu

res o

f sente

nce s

tructu

re u

sed

to b

uild

up

deta

il o

r co

nve

y s

ha

des o

f m

eanin

g, e.g

. vari

atio

n in

w

ord

ord

er,

modals

in

verb

phra

ses

•fu

ll ra

ng

e o

f p

unctu

atio

n

use

d a

ccu

rate

ly t

o

dem

arc

ate

sente

nces,

inclu

din

g s

peech

punctu

ation, w

here

appro

priate

•syn

tax a

nd

pu

nctu

atio

n

with

in t

he s

en

tence

ge

ne

rally

accu

rate

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com

mas to m

ark

cla

uses,

tho

ug

h s

om

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rrors

occu

r w

he

re a

mb

itio

us s

tru

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are

att

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ate

rial is

str

uctu

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with

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nte

nce

s

org

an

ised

into

ap

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gra

phs

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eve

lop

me

nt

of

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ria

l is

effe

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ly m

an

ag

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a

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ss te

xt,

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se

re

fers

back to o

penin

g

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ve

rall

dire

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f th

e

text

su

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ort

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lea

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ks

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en

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rag

raphs

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gra

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re m

ain

id

eas a

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ss

text

to s

up

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rt p

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ose

to

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e.g

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al lin

ks

be

twe

en p

ara

gra

phs

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ithin

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phs/

se

ctio

ns,

a r

an

ge

of d

evic

es

support

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n, e.g

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cu

re u

se o

f p

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un

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nn

ectives,

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ck to

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ks b

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ee

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rap

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ectio

ns

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lly m

ain

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ole

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xt

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leva

nt

ide

as a

nd

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ate

rial develo

ped w

ith

so

me

im

agin

ative

deta

il

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lop

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nt

of

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s

an

d m

ate

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pp

rop

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ap

ed f

or

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rpose o

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n

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om

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ad

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o w

riting

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priate

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le c

learly

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blis

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d t

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ain

tain

Y

ea

r 7

au

die

nce

’s inte

rest

thro

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ca

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lary

ch

ose

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for

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f cre

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agery

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ly w

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cte

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ord

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ost deri

vatio

nal suff

ixes,

e.g

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, -ise, -a

l/ia

l, -

able

/ible

•m

ost pre

fixes,

e.g

. dis

appear,

uncert

ain

, excla

im

likely

err

ors

:

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nal ph

onetica

lly

pla

usib

le s

pelli

ng in

conte

nt

wo

rds, e

.g. bo

ard

, a

csept,

hungre

y, te

ryfing

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conso

nants

in

pre

fixes,

e.g

. ir

regula

r,

unnece

ssary

L4

•som

e a

ttem

pt

to v

ary

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ng

th,

str

uctu

re a

nd

su

bje

ct of se

nte

nces

•use o

f som

e

su

bo

rdin

ating

co

nn

ective

s,

e.g

. if,

when,

be

ca

use

•so

me

va

ria

tio

n,

genera

lly a

ccura

te, in

te

nse

and

ve

rb f

orm

s

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nte

nce

s d

em

arc

ate

d

accura

tely

thro

ughout th

e

text,

inclu

din

g q

ue

stio

n

mark

s

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ma

rks,

if u

se

d,

genera

lly a

ccura

te, w

ith

so

me

oth

er

pu

nctu

atio

n

with

in t

he m

ark

s

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mas u

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ts

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ark

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use

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ts

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ed

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g o

pe

nin

g

and c

losin

g, possib

ly lin

ked

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ea

s o

r m

ate

ria

l g

en

era

lly in

lo

gic

al

se

qu

ence b

ut

ove

rall

dire

ctio

n o

f w

ritin

g o

ften

not

cle

arl

y s

igna

lled

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ara

gra

phs/s

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lp t

o o

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e c

on

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d r

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nte

nce

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use o

f “a

lso

” o

r p

ron

oun

s

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me

atte

mp

ts t

o

esta

blis

h s

imp

le lin

ks

be

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en

pa

rag

rap

hs/

se

ctio

ns n

ot

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ays

ma

inta

ine

d,

e.g

. Late

r, n

ext

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leva

nt

ide

as a

nd

conte

nt chosen

•so

me

id

ea

s a

nd m

ate

ria

l d

eve

lop

ed

in

deta

il, e

.g.

descriptions e

labora

ted

by

ad

ve

rbia

l a

nd

exp

an

de

d

no

un

ph

rases

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aig

htf

orw

ard

vie

wp

oin

t g

en

era

lly

esta

blis

hed a

nd m

ain

tain

ed,

e.g

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ain

tain

ing a

consis

tent sta

nce

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ain

pu

rpose o

f w

ritin

g

to d

escrib

e is c

lea

r b

ut

no

t a

lwa

ys c

onsis

tently

main

tain

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ain

fea

ture

s o

f w

ritin

g

an

eye

witn

ess a

ccou

nt

are

cle

ar

an

d a

pp

ropri

ate

to

pu

rpo

se o

f de

scri

ptio

n

•sty

le g

en

era

lly

ap

pro

priate

to t

ask,

thou

gh

aw

are

ness o

f Y

ear

7

au

die

nce n

ot

alw

ays

susta

ined

•so

me

evid

en

ce o

f delib

era

te v

ocabula

ry

ch

oic

es t

o d

escrib

e

•so

me

exp

an

sio

n o

f g

en

era

l vo

ca

bu

lary

to

m

atc

h topic

of

revis

ion

corr

ect spelli

ng o

f:

•m

ost com

mon g

ram

matical

function

word

s, e.g

. you,

because

,alth

ough

•m

ost ad

verb

s w

ith -

lyfo

rmatio

n

likely

err

ors

:

•hom

oph

ones o

f co

mm

on

gra

mm

atical fu

nction

word

s,

e.g

. th

ey’re/t

heir/th

ere

, o

f/have/o

ff

•occasio

nal ph

onetica

lly

pla

usib

le s

pelli

ng in

conte

nt

wo

rds, e

.g. bo

ard

, a

csept,

hungre

y, te

ryfing

•occasio

nal in

flecte

d w

ord

s,

e.g

.-e

s,

-ed, -i

es, -ie

d, -e

r,

-est, -

ier,

-ie

st, -

ing

B4

IE

Ove

rall

asse

ssm

en

t (t

ick o

ne

bo

x o

nly

) S

ecu

re 5

L

ow

5

Se

cu

re 4

L

ow

4

Be

low

4

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t



Imaginativetreatment ofmaterials (AF1/2 L6 b1)and individualvoice established(AF1/2 L6 b2)

Materialis clearlycontrolled andsequenced (AF3 L6 b1), withparagraph topicsignalled andthen developed(AF4 L6 b1)

Controlled useof a range ofsentence lengthsand structureprovideemphasis (AF5 L6 b1)

Overall directionof the text issignalled (AF3 L6 b2)

Accurate use ofcommas to markclauses (AF6 L5 b2)

Occasionalphoneticallyplausiblespelling (AF8 L5 b5)

Varied andambitiousvocabularychoices (AF7 L6 b2)

More literarylanguage addsto effectivedescription(AF1/2 L6 b3)


This well-structured (AF3) and fluent response confidently develops the given subjectmatter in some detail, shaping it and adapting it effectively to provide a graphiceyewitness description of the disaster (AF1/2). Material is organised into paragraphs whichare clearly linked and sequenced for effect and which begin by signalling thedevelopment of another phase in the account (AF4). A range of sentence structures isdeployed to contribute to the overall impact of the description, and sentencedemarcation and the use of commas to mark clauses is accurate, although there is littleuse of other punctuation (AF6). Vocabulary choices are often ambitious and deliberatelymade for effect (AF7) and there are few spelling errors (AF8).

For all the assessment focuses, there is evidence of the pupil addressing the level 6criteria, and, in most cases, fulfilling them with some confidence and authority. Hence theoverall judgement is secure level 6.


Mark

ing

gu

idelin

es –

Year

9 t

ask –

Eyew

itn

ess a

cco

un

t

Level 6 e

xam

ple

Asse

ssin

g p

up

ils’ p

rog

ress in

En

glis

h a

t K

ey S

tag

e 3

Pupil

nam

e........................................................................................

Form

.................................

Date

...............................

A

F5

– v

ary

se

nte

nc

es

fo

r cla

rity

, p

urp

os

e a

nd

e

ffe

ct.

AF

6 –

wri

te w

ith

te

ch

nic

al

accu

rac

y o

f s

yn

tax a

nd

p

un

ctu

ati

on

…

AF

3 –

org

an

ise a

nd

p

resen

t w

ho

le t

exts

e

ffe

cti

ve

ly…

AF

4 –

co

nstr

uct

para

gra

ph

s a

nd

use

co

hesio

n w

ith

in a

nd

b

etw

een

para

gra

ph

s.

AF

1 –

wri

te i

ma

gin

ati

ve

, in

tere

sti

ng

an

d t

ho

ug

htf

ul

tex

ts.

AF

2 –

pro

du

ce t

exts

w

hic

h a

re a

pp

rop

riate

to

ta

sk, re

ad

er

an

d p

urp

ose.

AF

7 –

se

lec

t ap

pro

pri

ate

an

d

eff

ec

tive

vo

ca

bu

lary

.

AF

8 –

use c

orr

ect

sp

ellin

g.

L6

•co

ntr

olle

d u

se

of

a

variety

of sim

ple

and

co

mp

lex s

ente

nce

s t

o

achie

ve p

urp

ose a

nd

co

ntr

ibute

to o

ve

rall

eff

ect

•co

nfid

ent

use o

f a

ran

ge

of se

nte

nce

featu

res to c

larify

or

em

ph

asis

e m

ean

ing

, e.g

. fr

onte

d a

dverb

ials

“R

elu

cta

ntly,

he…

”, “

Fiv

e

da

ys late

r, it…

”,com

ple

x

no

un

or

pre

po

sitio

na

l p

hra

ses

•syn

tax a

nd

fu

ll ra

nge

of

pu

nctu

atio

n a

re c

on

sis

tently

accu

rate

in a

va

rie

ty o

f sente

nce s

tructu

res, w

ith

occa

sio

na

l err

ors

in

am

bitio

us s

tru

ctu

res,

e.g

. only

occasio

nal com

ma

sp

lice

s; so

me u

se

of se

mi-

colo

ns,

not

alw

ays a

ccura

te

•m

ate

rial is

cle

arly

co

ntr

olle

d a

nd s

eq

ue

nce

d,

takin

g a

cco

unt

of th

e

rea

de

r’s lik

ely

re

actio

n,

e.g

.,

para

gra

phs o

f diffe

ring

len

gth

s,

refe

rence t

o f

act

file

, perh

aps fla

shback

•a

ra

ng

e o

f fe

atu

res

cle

arl

y s

igna

l o

ve

rall

direction o

f th

e text fo

r th

e

reader,

e.g

. openin

g

pa

rag

rap

hs th

at

intr

od

uce

events

cle

arly, para

gra

ph

ma

rke

rs,

links b

etw

ee

n

para

gra

phs

•co

nstr

uctio

n o

f p

ara

gra

phs c

learly s

up

po

rts

meanin

g a

nd p

urp

ose, e.g

. para

gra

ph topic

sig

nalle

d

and then d

evelo

ped,

with

ho

ldin

g o

f in

form

atio

n

for

effect, th

em

atic lin

ks

be

twe

en p

ara

gra

phs

•w

ith

in p

ara

gra

phs,

co

hesiv

e d

evic

es c

on

trib

ute

to

em

phasis

an

d e

ffe

ct,

e.g

. a

dve

rbia

ls a

s s

ente

nce

sta

rte

rs

•im

ag

ina

tive

tre

atm

en

t of

ma

teria

ls,

e.g

. cre

ation

of

a

chara

cte

r and b

ackgro

und

, fa

mili

arity

with

co

nve

ntio

ns o

f a

d

escriptive

eye

witn

ess a

cco

un

t, a

da

ptin

g t

he

m w

he

n

ne

ed

ed

to s

uit Y

ea

r 7

au

die

nce

, n

ot

alw

ays s

uccessfu

lly,

e.g

.delib

era

teuse o

fpers

onal re

sponse, cle

ar

em

phasis

on

de

scriptio

n r

ath

er

tha

n s

eq

ue

nce o

f eve

nts

•a

cro

ss a

ra

ng

e o

f w

ritin

g, co

nvin

cin

g,

ind

ivid

ua

l vo

ice

e

sta

blis

he

d a

nd

mostly s

usta

ine

d t

hro

ug

ho

ut,

e.g

. a

uth

orita

tive e

xp

ert

vie

w,

irre

ve

rent

resp

on

se t

o m

ate

ria

l

•a

cro

ss a

ra

ng

e o

f w

ritin

g,

leve

l o

f fo

rmalit

y u

se

d f

or

an

eye

witn

ess a

cco

unt

ge

ne

rally

ap

pro

pria

te a

nd

a r

ang

e o

f sty

listic d

evic

es u

se

d t

o a

ch

ieve

eff

ect,

not

alw

ays

su

ccessfu

lly,

e.g

. co

ntr

olle

d info

rma

lity,

gen

era

lisa

tio

ns o

r sh

ifts

betw

ee

n r

ecou

nt

sty

le a

nd m

ore

lite

rary

la

ng

ua

ge

•vo

ca

bu

lary

ch

ose

n

ge

ne

rally

ap

pro

priate

to

pu

rpo

se o

f de

scri

bin

g t

o

Ye

ar

7 p

up

ils

•ra

ng

e o

f vo

ca

bu

lary

g

en

era

lly v

arie

d a

nd

o

ften

am

bitio

us,

eve

n

tho

ug

h c

ho

ice

s n

ot

alw

ays a

pt

ge

ne

rally

co

rrect

spe

llin

g

thro

ug

hou

t

like

ly e

rro

rs:

•o

cca

sio

na

l err

ors

in

am

bitio

us o

r co

mp

lex w

ord

s

L5

•a v

ariety

of sente

nce

length

s, str

uctu

res a

nd

su

bje

cts

pro

vid

es c

larity

a

nd

em

ph

asis

•w

ide

r ra

ng

e o

f co

nn

ective

s u

sed

to

cla

rify

re

latio

nsh

ip

be

twe

en

id

eas,

e.g

. g

rad

ua

lly,

next,

m

eanw

hile

•so

me fe

atu

res o

f sente

nce s

tructu

re u

sed

to b

uild

up

deta

il o

r co

nve

y s

ha

des o

f m

eanin

g, e.g

. vari

atio

n in

w

ord

ord

er,

modals

in

verb

phra

ses

•fu

ll ra

ng

e o

f p

unctu

atio

n

use

d a

ccu

rate

ly t

o

dem

arc

ate

sente

nces,

inclu

din

g s

peech

punctu

ation, w

here

appro

priate

•syn

tax a

nd

pu

nctu

atio

n

with

in t

he s

en

tence

ge

ne

rally

accu

rate

inclu

din

g

com

mas to m

ark

cla

uses,

tho

ug

h s

om

e e

rrors

occu

r w

he

re a

mb

itio

us s

tru

ctu

res

are

att

em

pte

d

•m

ate

rial is

str

uctu

red

cle

arl

y,

with

se

nte

nce

s

org

an

ised

into

ap

pro

pri

ate

p

ara

gra

phs

•d

eve

lop

me

nt

of

mate

ria

l is

effe

ctive

ly m

an

ag

ed

a

cro

ss te

xt,

e.g

. clo

se

re

fers

back to o

penin

g

•o

ve

rall

dire

ctio

n o

f th

e

text

su

pp

ort

ed

by c

lea

r lin

ks

be

twe

en

pa

rag

raphs

•p

ara

gra

phs c

learly

str

uctu

re m

ain

id

eas a

cro

ss

text

to s

up

po

rt p

urp

ose

to

de

scri

be,

e.g

. lo

gic

al lin

ks

be

twe

en p

ara

gra

phs

•w

ithin

para

gra

phs/

se

ctio

ns,

a r

an

ge

of d

evic

es

support

cohesio

n, e.g

. se

cu

re u

se o

f p

rono

un

s,

co

nn

ectives,

refe

ren

ces

ba

ck to

text

•lin

ks b

etw

ee

n

pa

rag

rap

hs/

se

ctio

ns g

en

era

lly

ma

inta

ine

d a

cro

ss w

ho

le

text

•re

leva

nt

ide

as a

nd

m

ate

rial develo

ped w

ith

so

me

im

agin

ative

deta

il

•d

eve

lop

me

nt

of

idea

s

an

d m

ate

ria

l a

pp

rop

ria

tely

sh

ap

ed f

or

an e

ye

witn

ess

acco

un

t in

a s

ch

oo

l te

xt

•cle

ar

vie

wp

oin

t e

sta

blis

he

d,

ge

nera

lly

consis

tent, w

ith s

om

e

ela

bo

ratio

n,

e.g

. som

e,

un

eve

n, d

evelo

pm

en

t of

indiv

idual voic

e o

r ch

ara

cte

risa

tio

n in r

ole

•m

ain

pu

rpose o

f w

ritin

g

to d

escrib

e is c

lea

r a

nd

co

nsis

tently m

ain

tain

ed

•fe

atu

res o

f w

ritin

g a

n

eye

witn

ess a

cco

unt

cle

arly

esta

blis

he

d w

ith s

om

e

ad

ap

tatio

n t

o w

riting

to

describe

•appro

priate

sty

le c

learly

esta

blis

he

d t

o m

ain

tain

Y

ea

r 7

au

die

nce

’s inte

rest

thro

ug

hou

t

•vo

ca

bu

lary

ch

ose

n

for

effect o

f cre

ating

im

agery

•re

aso

nab

ly w

ide

vo

ca

bu

lary

use

d,

tho

ug

h

no

t a

lwa

ys a

pp

rop

ria

tely

corr

ect spelli

ng o

f:

•com

mon g

ram

matica

l fu

nction

word

s c

onsis

tently

•alm

ost all

infle

cte

d w

ord

s

•m

ost deri

vatio

nal suff

ixes,

e.g

. -ion

, -ise, -a

l/ia

l, -

able

/ible

•m

ost pre

fixes,

e.g

. dis

appe

ar,

un

cert

ain

, excla

im

likely

err

ors

:

•occasio

nal ph

onetica

lly

pla

usib

le s

pelli

ng in

conte

nt

wo

rds, e

.g. bo

ard

, a

csept,

hungre

y, te

ryfing

•double

conso

nants

in

pre

fixes,

e.g

. ir

regula

r,

unnece

ssary

IE

Ove

rall

asse

ssm

en

t (t

ick o

ne

bo

x o

nly

) S

ecu

re 6

L

ow

6

Se

cu

re 5

L

ow

5

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t

Eyewitness account English subject leaders and...

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Transcript of Eyewitness account English subject leaders and...