Exercise: Achieving Mindfulness

Can you remember a time when you felt really stressed and overwhelmed at work and a worker dropped by to chat about something trivial? If you’re like most people, you probably had trouble being “present” in the conversation. You might have outwardly acknowledged the colleague, and maybe you looked like you were listening, but inside you were wishing that he would go away. Rather than focusing on the moment, your thoughts were racing: “When is he going to shut up? Can’t he see that I’m working? I never should have acknowledged him when he walked by… I should be more assertive… I brought this on myself”. After the encounter, you may have felt even more stressed, maybe resentful of your colleague for not leaving you alone, or resentful of yourself for not speaking up. You may have felt physically and mentally drained from faking attention for five minutes. We may feel like we are slaves to our emotional experiences and the judgmental thoughts that accompany them. It is a normal part of the human experience and happens to everyone. Getting carried away by emotions, however, can sometimes hurt us. It can hold us back from living life fully and effectively, whether at work or elsewhere. When your mind drifts away from the immediate situation, you are not living wholeheartedly in the moment and you are not mindful of what you are doing. You have temporarily lost your mindfulness. This is important, because mindfulness helps you live and work effectively and enjoy life. Being mindful means consciously focusing on the experiences of the moment and not being distracted by emotional reactions and judgments about yourself and your feelings. Practicing mindfulness can help you live more attentively and regain control of your inside world. Here is an exercise to practice. Find a quiet moment, either at home or at work. Sit in a comfortable position and slow down your breathing. Notice your thoughts, without making any judgments. Accept whatever thoughts come to mind. Do not try to force any specific thought. Do not try to push certain thoughts away, or hold on to others. If you find you are starting to judge yourself (“I’m awful at this”) or the practice (“This is stupid”), just gently observe your judgment and gently “anchor” your mind back in the moment by focusing on your breath. You may find yourself having positive (“This is relaxing”) or negative thoughts (“What should I say to my boss later? He is so stubborn and arrogant”). Simply notice your thoughts, watch them come and go, without judgment. Practice this for five minutes. With repetition, this will become easier. Soon you can work on being mindful when you need to devote your full attention to a worker or to a work task. The benefit to practicing mindfulness is that over time you develop a habit of being self-aware. Being aware of your feelings and thoughts at the moment can help you identify situations that trigger bad feelings, like annoyance, resentment, or fear. For example, being aware of your short temper in certain workplace situations allows you to more easily take control of your thoughts and emotions in those moments. Practicing mindfulness can also allow you to achieve greater control over your attention, which can help you work more efficiently. Finally, being present in the moment allows you to participate more fully in joyful moments in your life.

Exercise: Anger as a Symptom

Anger can be a normal, healthy and useful emotion that we all experience in certain types of workplace situations. Like any other emotion, anger exists on a continuum and varies in severity. Anger intensity ranges from minor annoyance, irritation or frustration, all the way to fury or rage. Anger can serve a useful function in some situations: when we are being threatened, attacked or treated unfairly.

Sometimes we become angry in situations where it does not serve a useful function, and where we are not under any type of actual or perceived threat. In these situations, anger is often a “secondary emotion” – meaning that it may be a symptom of an underlying “primary emotion” that may be hidden or more difficult to deal with. For example, if you tease someone about slacking off at work and they respond with unusual anger, it may be that they feel taken advantage of at work or fearful of losing their job. They may therefore interpret your teasing as a threat or attack even when it was not intended that way.

Think about situations that have elicited a strong anger reaction for you. Try to recall a situation in which – as seen in hindsight – anger was actually a secondary emotion, a symptom of another, underlying emotion. If you can, try to generate one example for each of the primary emotions below, and reflect on reasons why anger may be a more comfortable emotion for you in certain situations.

Primary Emotion was Fear/Anxiety

Primary Emotion was Insecurity

Primary Emotion was Sadness or Hurt

Situation

My reaction as seen by others…

My thoughts at the time…

Why might my primary emotion have presented as anger?

A Primer on Sleep

Sleep deprivation is one of the most commonly reported areas of dissatisfaction for many working adults.

Not getting enough sleep impacts multiple areas of our life: energy levels, mood, appetite, motivation,

concentration and efficiency. When we are sleep deprived we are more likely to feel stressed and feel

emotional. Our work is likely to be affected, as is our ability to respond effectively to distressed workers

and negative emotions in the workplace in general.

The Sleep Cycle

It is useful to have an understanding of general information about sleep and the sleep cycle.

The average adult needs approximately 6-9 hours of sleep. Consistently sleeping less than 6 hours

per night can lead to a range of health consequences, and consistently sleeping more than 9 hours

can create excessive lethargy and fatigue.

We have 2 main types of sleep: (1) REM (rapid eye movement) sleep is characterized by dreaming

and is the state in which restoration of our brain and body functions occurs, including energy

conservation and memory consolidation; and (2) non-REM sleep is characterized by 4 stages that

progressively deepen from light to restful to deep sleep. We cycle through Stages 1, 2, 3, 4 and REM

throughout the night. Each complete cycle takes approximately 90 minutes, and throughout the night

we increasingly spend a longer period of time in REM sleep (which leads to sleep feeling

“restorative” or restful).

Sleep patterns may be impacted by a range of factors, including stress levels, low mood and

depression, anxiety , physical health conditions, medications, and worry about sleep.

The good news is that our bodies are very resilient and can recover from chronic sleep debt within a

few days to a week.

Common Sleep Problems

The following are the most common sleep problems. If you experience any of the following symptoms,

speaking to your family doctor to seek assistance is recommended.

Insomnia is characterized by difficulty falling asleep, difficulty staying asleep and/or early-morning

awakenings. Individuals with insomnia feel unrefreshed upon awakening and fatigued during the day.

The most effective treatment for insomnia is cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) that focuses on

thoughts/worries about sleep and behavioural sleep patterns (and their impact on emotional state).

Restless leg syndrome is a sensory disorder characterized by an irresistible urge to move one’s

legs (and sometimes arms) due to uncomfortable, tingling or “creeping” sensations. Treatment

includes reduced intake of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol; iron replacement; exercise and stretching;

and warm baths or cold packs.

Narcolepsy is a rare sleep disorder characterized by frequent periods of sleepiness (both gradual

and sudden sleep attacks), sometimes associated with cataplexy (muscle weakness). Treatment

includes stimulant pharmacotherapy and stress management.

Obstructive sleep apnea is a common but underdiagnosed, possibly life-threatening sleep disorder

that primarily impacts men who are overweight, have a thick neck girth, and are heavy snorers. The

primary feature of obstructive sleep apnea is a partial blockage of airways causing abnormal

breathing patterns and sleep disruptions (e.g., repeatedly stopping breathing in the night). Treatment

includes weight loss, minimization of alcohol intake and use of a continuous positive airway pressure

(CPAP) machine while sleeping.

Mood, Worry & Sleep

Excessive worry is one of the largest contributors to poor sleep. Targeting worry (and other mood

issues) can lead to significant sleep improvements.

If you are having trouble identifying contributors to your sleep problems, it can be helpful to keep

a sleep diary for 1-2 weeks (e.g., track your diet, work and leisure activities, level of stress, and

bed/wake times). A sleep diary can help reveal patterns and factors that are impacting sleep.

Depression and anxiety are the most common psychological health conditions, and estimates

indicate that anywhere from 25% to 50% of adults will be impacted at some point in their life.

Untreated depression and anxiety both impact sleep significantly.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is the most effective treatment for sleep problems, as well

as associated mood and worry issues.

o Worry and anxiety are a normal part of life, but are among the strongest factors that

impact sleep. If you find worries are preventing you from sleeping, it can be helpful to

keep a “worry log” – get out of bed, write down your worries, and ask yourself 3 key

questions (“What is the evidence for this worry?”; “What is the problem to be solved?”;

and, “What can I do about it right now?”).

o Relaxation strategies (e.g., breathing from your diaphragm, visual imagery, progressive

muscle relaxation) can help with sleep onset and maintenance.

Effective Sleep Habits

Good sleep habits go a long way toward promoting restful sleep. Here are some tips to consider:

Having a consistent, fixed wake-up time (even on days off!) is one of the most important

factors in building a consistent sleep pattern. Expose yourself to outside light (e.g., open

curtains or blinds) upon waking to encourage your body to adjust quickly to wakefulness.

If you are having sleep problems, do not nap! Naps can interfere with the restorative value of

night-time sleep. A good strategy can be to avoid a nap and get into bed earlier that evening.

Do not have caffeine after 12pm or 1pm (the half-life of caffeine is 5 hours – 5 hours after

having caffeine, 50% of the caffeine is still left in your body; it takes another 5 hours to again

reduce the caffeine by half, to 25%).

Do not smoke or exercise 2-3 hours before bedtime.

Even one drink with alcohol can interfere with sleep quality and make sleep less restorative.

Create a relaxing bedtime routine; drink decaffeinated tea or warm milk or take a warm bath.

Make a clear distinction between daytime (alert) activities and bedtime (relaxing) activities.

Make your bedroom environment comfortable and conducive to sleep (e.g., use a

comfortable pillow and bedding; keep the room temperature moderate; darken the room).

Restrict use of your bed to 2 activities – sleep and sex. Do not watch TV, eat, talk on the

phone, argue, or use your computer while in bed.

If you can’t fall asleep within 15-20 minutes, get out of bed and do not get back into bed until

you are sleepy (not just tired).

Melatonin, Jet Lag & Medications

Sleeping medications (prescription and non-prescription) are typically recommended to only be

used intermittently, for a short duration (5-10 days). Extended use may lead to drug tolerance,

dependence, withdrawal effects, side effects, and rebound insomnia (where sleep problems after

ceasing medication become worse than they were prior to taking the medication). Never mix

sleep medications with alcohol, and always ensure you have allowed for at least 7-8 hours to

sleep after taking medication.

Melatonin is the key hormone that increases sleepiness (melatonin secretion is higher in the

dark, and decreases with light exposure). Some people with sleep problems can benefit from

taking melatonin 30 minutes to 1 hour before bedtime. You may want to speak to your physician

about whether taking melatonin may be helpful for you.

Jet lag refers to disruptions in the body’s internal biological clock (circadian rhythms) due to

crossing time zones. Some strategies for minimizing jet lag include:

o Adjust to the new time zone 2-3 days before travel (e.g., shift bedtime, wake-time and

mealtimes).

o Ensure you are getting adequate sleep before travel (as a pre-existing “sleep debt” makes

jet lag worse).

o Minimize alcohol.

o Adjust meals and bedtime to the new time zone as soon as possible.

o Due to the gastrointestinal impact of jet lag, it can be helpful to drink plenty of water and

eat small, frequent, healthy meals when travelling.

Please note that this information is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice. You should seek the advice of your physician or other appropriate medical professional if you have questions or concerns about your particular situation.

Shift Work, Sleep & Effectiveness

Disturbed sleep is a commonly reported negative health effect of shift work. Shift workers can be at a

high risk population for sleep problems, given that they are operating against the environmental clues

that reset our internal biological clocks on a daily basis (e.g., light, mealtimes). As such, it is particularly

important for shift workers to pay attention to strategies and tips that can help them improve their sleep.

Well-rested managers are considerably more likely to be comfortable and effective when dealing with

distressed workers.

If possible, choose less frequent shift rotations (e.g., work a shift for two weeks rather than

rotating to a different schedule every couple of days). This can allow the body to gain some

consistency in sleep patterns.

If possible, sequence work shifts in a clockwise fashion (e.g., day – evening – night), as this

can facilitate a more normal sleep pattern.

Schedule short naps (30-45 minutes maximum) before evening shifts to increase alertness. If

possible, schedule naps at your work site during breaks.

Given the impact of light on our sleep/wake cycle, it is important to decrease light when shifts

are complete and it is time to sleep (e.g., wear sunglasses when heading home from work,

have black-out blinds in your bedroom), and to increase light when it is time to work and be

alert (e.g., 15-20 minutes of exposure to a light box can be of benefit).

Develop a pre-bedtime ritual (e.g., read the paper, take a warm bath). Let yourself unwind

from your shift.

Restrict your bedroom environment for sleeping only. Do not watch TV or read in bed.

Stress Reduction and the Power of Thought

Our thoughts – or the way that we interpret events at work (past, present or future) – are integral to our

stress levels. Most of our thoughts speed past and remain below our level of awareness (we are not

conscious of them). With practice and time, however, you can train yourself to be more aware of your

thoughts.

When you are having a stress-related thought at work, it can be helpful to ask yourself, “Is this thought

serving a useful function?”

- Ask yourself how accurate and valid your appraisal is of a stressful situation.

o When you have had this thought in the past, how often were you right?

o Did what you worry or fear actually happen when you dealt with this stressor in the past?

o What would you say to a close friend in a similar situation?

- Consider how important the implications are in the context of the things that matter most to you.

o How high on your priority list of important things does the stressor fall?

o What implications does the stressor have related to the things that are most important to

you (e.g., family, friends, health)?

- Ask how much control you have over the situation.

o Can you actually do anything about the stressor? If yes, what can you do? Make a plan! If

not, then you need to learn to let it go!

The answers to the questions above can help you discern whether a specific stress response is

adaptive and serves a function.

Even if it is adaptive, remember that simply staying in the stress state is not helpful:

you need to make a plan and take action to resolve the situation.

REMEMBER: the only person in control of your thoughts and whether you feel stressed is YOU!

The Stress Response & its Functions

Although most people talk at least occasionally about being “stressed” at work, we may not always clear

about what exactly stress is. Stress can very simply be defined as demands on us (emotional, cognitive,

physical) that at any point in time exceed our resources to deal comfortably with them. Stress comes

from both good and bad things that happen to us – e.g., a chronic illness, a wedding, a death and a

promotion can all be sources of stress.

The Stress Response

When we experience a stressor, our body undergoes a series of physiological changes known together

as the “stress response”. There are three key stages to the stress response (see www.cmha.ca Your

Mental Health Stress).

- Stage 1 – Energy Mobilization

The human body responds to stress by activating the nervous system and specific hormones.

The adrenal glands release adrenaline and cortisol, which leads to physiological changes such

as increased heart rate, facial flushing, increased blood pressure, and increased rate of

breathing. Blood vessels open wider (to allow more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting

our muscles on alert). Pupils dilate (to improve vision). The liver releases stored glucose (to

increase the body's energy). Sweat is produced (to cool the body). All of these physical changes

prepare a person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the moment.

- Stage 2 – Consumption of Energy Stores

If the stress continues, the body starts to use existing energy stores (e.g., releasing stored

sugars and fats). Side effects include feeling driven, pressured and fatigued. You may begin to

engage in behaviours (drinking coffee, smoking, and drinking alcohol) without healthy

moderation. You may also experience ongoing anxiety, attention/concentration problems,

difficulty with sleep, and be more likely to become sick (cold or flu).

- Stage 3 - Draining of Energy Stores

If stress continues, your body's need for energy will become greater than its ability to produce

that energy, and chronic stress may result. You may experience chronic insomnia, ongoing errors

in judgment, and changes in personality (e.g., increased irritability, frustration, anger,

depression). You may also develop a serious health condition (e.g., heart disease, ulcers, clinical

depression or anxiety).

Functions of the Stress Response

The stress response (and associated worry and anxiety) can be essential for our survival. It is important

to remember that the stress response serves several important functions:

1. It can motivate actions that are essential to our survival (i.e., a “fight, flight or freeze” response).

2. It can communicate to those in our environment that we are dealing with stressors and that we

need support.

3. It can serve a self-validating function (i.e., tells us something important in our life is changing or

is affected, and helps us learn how to deal with recurrent stressors over time).

We are all faced with stressors on a daily basis...“stressors” very simply become “stressful” when we are

not sure how to handle an event or a situation or when our worry or anxiety associated with that stressor

fails to serve an ongoing purpose.

The types of situations that cause stress for you may not be a problem for certain other people, and

things that cause other people stress may not worry you at all. It is how you think about and react to

events that determine whether you experience them as stressful or easily manageable.

The information handouts Tips for Stress Management and Stress Reduction and the Power of

Thought provide strategies to effectively manage stress.

Anger Management

We all experience anger at times. Anger exists on a continuum with varying degrees of severity – from

mild irritation, impatience or annoyance, to frustration, all the way up to severe fury and rage. Anger is a

normal, usually healthy emotion. But when anger is inappropriate, too intense, too frequent or turns

destructive, it can cause problems (e.g., workplace conflicts, personal problems) and eventually affect

our overall quality of life.

It is important to distinguish the emotional experience of anger from the outward expression of anger.

Being angry is appropriate in some circumstances, but anger must be expressed appropriately, or it and

can lead to damaging, destructive or abusive situations. For example, if you’re frustrated at work

because your team has overly long meetings, your frustration may motivate you to take action (e.g.,

suggest ways to increase efficiency). But if you act your angry feelings out on your team members (e.g.,

by putting them down, criticizing everything, making sarcastic comments), your expression of anger

negatively impacts others and is therefore inappropriate.

Understanding the Triggers of Anger

Angry feelings can be triggered by both external and internal events. We can be angry at another person

(e.g., a worker), frustrated because of an event (e.g., unproductive meeting, broken computer), or we

can simply be mad at ourselves (e.g., due to performance failure, personal problems).

Anger Management

There is a range of strategies that can help us understand and control our angry feelings:

Identifying and avoiding trigger factors/situations: One way to deal with anger is to find out

what triggers it and develop strategies for reducing those triggers, especially when anger is too

frequent and too intense. For example, if we become angry almost every morning while sitting in

bad traffic, we might consider changing our way of commuting (e.g., driving at different hours,

taking the bus or going by bike).

Working to solve underlying issues: Anger can be a “secondary emotion”, meaning that the

anger is caused by another, underlying emotion (“primary emotion”). Stress, insecurity and

certain mental health conditions (e.g., fear/anxiety and depression) can manifest as anger. But

becoming angry won’t solve the problem. We should always try to determine the real problem,

and then find ways to address and manage it. For further details, see the exercise document

Anger as a Symptom.

Learning more effective/healthy communication styles: A healthy way to express our anger is

to express it in an assertive, rather than aggressive manner. We must learn how to express and

clarify our needs while respecting the needs of others (and not hurting them by being verbally

aggressive). Unexpressed or suppressed anger can lead to explosive outbursts or pathological

expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (e.g., “getting back” at people

indirectly, through manipulation, instead of confronting them in person). For more details, see the

information document Monitoring Your Communication Style.

Learning and implementing relaxation strategies: Physical reactions to anger can hinder us

from thinking clearly and acting appropriately. It is helpful to learn how to calm ourselves down

and let go of anger and tension. Finding the best method is a highly individualized process. Some

might find relaxation techniques helpful (e.g., special breathing methods or meditation), while

others prefer more practical approaches like exercising, listening to relaxing music, talking to a

friend, or leaving the anger-causing situation.

Changing thoughts/interpretations that lead to angry thoughts: Anger thoughts can be

unrealistic or unfair assumptions about your situation. Here are examples of types of angry

thoughts:

o filtering (looking only at the bad side)

o labeling (insulting other people by calling them harsh names)

o magnifying (considering a small disappointment to be a disaster)

o perfectionism (being indignant when you don’t meet your very high standards)

o mind reading (assuming other people’s thoughts and intentions to be always negative)

Such anger thoughts can make us angrier than is necessary or helpful. Once we’re aware of our

anger thoughts and know where they come from (e.g., “I’m thinking this way because I had a

stressful day at work and I’m frustrated”), we can try to find more calming and helpful ways of

thinking.

Reducing alcohol or other non-prescription substance use: Alcohol and medication can

make us more irritable and impatient and less able to deal with frustration and anger.

We can’t eliminate anger from our lives. There will always be situations or people that make us angry.

We can’t change that, but we can learn to control our reactions. Controlling our angry responses helps

prevent us from being dissatisfied in the long run.

Emotional Triggers and Responses in the Workplace

The workplace can be a stressful environment and involve many situations that may trigger strong

negative feelings. It can be important for managers not only to be able to control their own feelings, but

also help workers de-escalate emotional situations. This can help maintain workers’ morale, allow them

to perform according to their potential, and contribute to a healthy work environment. For most stressful

situations, it is helpful when a manager is able to respond in a calm, rational and positive manner. This

can help lessen the intensity of workers’ emotions and encourage them to see the situation more

objectively. In contrast, it can be very unhelpful when managers overreact or add their own emotions into

the mix, further fueling workers’ emotions. When managers react in unhelpful ways, it can send the

message to workers that the managers are incapable of remaining calm and leading the team through

hard times. On the other hand, managers who can help resolve an emotionally charged problem or

demonstrate empathy can give workers confidence that they are overseen by strong and competent

leaders.

Here are some common situations in which workers may feel scared, angry or sad, as well as examples

of unhelpful and helpful ways managers can respond.

Situations that Trigger FEAR and Ways to Respond

Situation Responses More Likely to Trigger Fear

Responses Less Likely to Trigger Fear

Worker makes a costly

mistake at work.

Blame the worker and

question his or her ability to

do the job properly.

Remind the worker that mistakes

happen. Help them focus on

problem-solving.

There have been talks about

budget cuts and layoffs.

Workers are asking you for

information.

Thoughtlessly state: “I think I

have an idea who will be let

go, but I can’t talk about it.”

Empathize with their concern. Tell

them you will share as much

information as you can and keep

communication ongoing. If layoffs

are inevitable, talk about resources

available to those who may need it

(e.g., community resources and/or

company benefits).

A worker is about to make a

presentation but thinks that it

will go poorly.

Urge the worker to make a good presentation no matter what, as the whole department depends on it.

Reassure the worker that he has prepared well for the presentation. Make encouraging comments: “I’m not concerned at all about your ability to give presentations. I’ve seen you speak in meetings and you do a great job.”

Situation Responses More Likely to Trigger Fear

Responses Less Likely to Trigger Fear

A worker shows up at the

manager’s office for a

performance review. The

worker jokes nervously,

“Okay, so how bad is it this

time?”

Ignore the joke and maintain a serious look.

Keep a warm, relaxed expression. Ask if the worker is nervous. Remind them that a review is a positive, growth opportunity.

It’s a worker’s second month

on the job and she seems to

have a hard time learning the

tasks.

Point out that most workers are able to learn the tasks by this time.

Show concern about the worker’s progress, but focus on asking what you can provide to help her succeed.

Workers on your team are

likely unable to meet a

looming deadline for an

important project.

Express your frustration openly to them: “My reputation is on the line. I’ll be pissed if we don’t meet the deadline.”

Point out the problem in a calm manner, without placing blame on anyone. Accept responsibility as a manager for the delay. Focus on problem-solving: “How can we work together to meet this deadline?”

A worker reports to you that a

fellow worker has been

bullying him about his

sexuality.

Ask the worker about his

sexuality. Don’t take his

complaint seriously. Express

doubt that he is telling the

truth.

Maintain a calm presence and do

not act surprised or shocked.

Assume the worker is telling the

truth. Express empathy: “I’m sorry

to hear what you are going

through.” Thank the worker for

informing you. Indicate that you

take these complaints seriously and

inform the worker of your next steps

and actions.

Situations that Trigger ANGER and Ways to Respond

Situation Responses More Likely to

Trigger Anger

Responses Less Likely to Trigger

Anger

You had to choose one

worker to promote from

several qualified applicants.

Today, you announce which

worker received the

promotion.

Talk about workers in a

disrespectful way: “I know

you’ve all been drooling over

this job.” Tell workers that only

the successful applicant was

qualified, while the rest were

not good enough.

Thank everyone for their interest.

Acknowledge the efforts they put

into their applications. Acknowledge

that it was a tough decision (if

appropriate). Remind workers that

new opportunities may continue to

open up.

Your team is delayed in

finishing a project because of

a worker’s negligence.

Highlight to the team that it

was the one worker’s fault.

Show frustration by shaking

your head, sighing and

criticizing the worker behind

his back.

Model a teamwork spirit to the

workers. De-emphasize the blame

from the worker and focus on

finishing the project as a team.

Validate feelings of frustration: “I

can understand that everyone is

frustrated they have to work

overtime. I really appreciate you for

your professionalism and for pulling

through this as a team.”

Your team is expanding and

there are not enough offices

for everybody.

Give offices to your favourite

workers, without consulting

the entire group of workers

about space allocation.

Make the process as transparent as

possible. Let workers know the

criteria upon which you are basing

your choices (possibly workload,

seniority or job description). Thank

the workers for understanding. Let

them know you are working on

providing everyone the space they

need.

During a team meeting that

you are chairing, two workers

engage in a debate that turns

heated.

Join in on the argument. Say

something disrespectful:

“Okay, let’s not have a fit over

this.”

Try to de-escalate with words in a

calm and light-hearted tone: “I’m

glad to see that we all feel strongly

about this issue.” Reclaim control

over the meeting: “Unfortunately we

have to move on to other topics. We

might need to schedule another

meeting just to talk about this

issue.”

Situation Responses More Likely to

Trigger Anger

Responses Less Likely to Trigger

Anger

A front desk worker has just

been verbally abused by a

client and seems upset.

Ask what happened and then

walk away, without offering

any words of comfort or care.

Ask with a caring attitude what

happened. Express concern about

how the worker was treated. Show

empathy for the worker: “No one

should be treated that way at work.

We will need to file an incident

report.”

You and a worker are

disagreeing over work-related

issues. The worker seems to

be getting frustrated and

annoyed.

Keep emphasizing your point

and take on a hostile tone.

Say something disrespectful:

“Whether you like it or not, this

is how I want it. Maybe you

still don’t get it. Do I have to

explain it again?”

Pause the conversation.

Acknowledge what you see: “You

seem really frustrated with this.” It

can help to get the emotions out

before any rational thinking

continues. “Tell me what’s going on.

Why are you getting upset?”

Remain calm, task-focused, and

respectful.

A worker just ended a call with

a customer and seems very

frustrated.

Assume that the worker did

not handle the call

competently: “Do you need

help with handling phone

calls?”

Give the worker the benefit of the

doubt. Ask about what happened.

Empathize with the worker.

Sometimes it helps the worker calm

down when you paraphrase what

they said using simpler, calmer

words: “So the client got upset and

called you stupid because he

thought that you had lost his file?”

It’s late Friday afternoon and

you have just given a worker a

large and important task that

is due at the end of the day.

Tell the worker matter-of-factly

about the last-minute task. It

is her job, after all.

Recognize the worker’s need to

leave work on time. Acknowledge

the late notice of the task and thank

the worker for her understanding.

Make a plan for what is reasonable

and feasible to complete.

Situations that Trigger SADNESS (or HURT) and Ways to Respond

Situation Responses More Likely to Trigger Sadness (or Hurt)

Responses Less Likely to Trigger Sadness (or Hurt)

One of your workers has just

been rejected for a grant that

he had worked hard to apply

for and was hoping to get.

Dwell on the negatives and on

the past. Say things that are

unproductive: “Wow, that’s too

bad. That grant would have

helped you a lot. You worked

so hard for it too. That’s two

weeks of your life you’ll never

get back.”

Empathize with the worker: “That’s

frustrating, because you worked

really hard to apply for this.” Focus

on the positives: “You didn’t get the

grant but you put together a really

good proposal that you can use for

future projects.”

During a team social event,

you notice that a worker is

trying to mingle with others

but is not being accepted.

Ignore what you saw and go

mingle with other managers.

Make an effort to make everyone

feel included. Make small talk with

the worker.

A worker seems ashamed as

he is receiving negative

feedback from you about his

work.

Ignore what you see, thinking,

“That’s not my problem.”

Continue with the negative

feedback.

Speak in a respectful, light-hearted

tone. Acknowledge what you see.

Empathize with the worker’s

feelings: “It’s hard to hear this kind

of feedback. But, we know that it

helps us be better in the long run.

How can I help you make

improvements?”

A well-liked staff member is

quitting, and the workers

seem sad to see her go.

Do not acknowledge her

upcoming departure.

Acknowledge the situation and the

workers’ feelings: “We are all sad to

see her go.” Focus on the positives:

“She is off to a very exciting new

job. We will all wish her the best.”

There has been a massive

layoff today in the company

and some of the workers,

although spared, are quiet

and somber.

Focus on the negatives: “It’s

so quiet in here now that

some of you are gone. It’s

going to be a ghost town

here.”

Empathize with the workers’

feelings. Maintain a neutral attitude.

Focus on the positives: “The

company always tries to find laid-off

staff other positions within the

company.” (if applicable).

Expressing Anger Appropriately

Certain types of workplace situations will inevitably create feelings of anger for most of us. Anger, like all

emotional reactions, serves a useful function in that it can communicate to others that our boundaries

are being violated, that we feel disrespected, or that something hurtful or harmful has occurred. In select

situations, it can be important to express your anger to a worker or other manager. In doing so, it is

important to ensure that your behaviour remains justifiable and respectful at all times. In other words,

express your anger appropriately.

Different individuals express anger differently, depending on factors such as personality, upbringing,

values and culture. Some people feel very comfortable expressing anger openly. Others tend to mute

their anger or refuse to deal with it under any circumstances.

Those who gravitate toward always expressing their anger outwardly (e.g., to other people, to objects, or

to the environment) tend to openly demonstrate their aggressive feelings. This can include yelling,

swearing, slamming doors, throwing objects, or saying nasty things. Others work very hard to suppress

feelings of anger, and may sense anger boiling up inside without letting it out. Those who tend to

suppress anger may actually feel angrier than they appear. They might ruminate over the anger

situation, be secretly critical of others, harbor grudges, or even fantasize about revenge.

Finding a healthy balance between the expressive and suppressive styles of anger expression can be

important, as either extreme can have negative consequences on health, mood and relationships.

Healthy and appropriate expression involves neither suppressing anger completely, nor thoughtlessly or

indiscriminately letting it out. Healthy expressions of anger take into account other people’s rights and

feelings and consider the appropriateness of the situation.

Here are tips for expressing anger appropriately:

1. Gain perspective. Try to view the situation and your anger triggers objectively. Put the situation

in perspective and ask yourself a few key questions: “Is it worth it for me to get angry?”; “Is my

anger serving a useful purpose?”; “Will this matter to me a day from now? A week from now? Six

months from now?”

2. Breathe. Regulate and slow your breathing (as shallow breathing can make the anger

experience more intense). Count to 10 or 50 or 100…try to turn the volume down on your anger

before you react.

3. Take a time-out. Remove yourself from the anger-provoking situation if you start to feel you may

have trouble maintaining your composure. Go for a walk, get some fresh air, or temporarily

distract yourself before taking any action or making a response.

4. Put pen to paper. Write down your thoughts, feelings and possible actions. It is much safer to

quietly write hurtful words than to say them aloud. People sometimes find that just the act of

writing out their thoughts can calm them down.

5. Talk it out with a trusted peer. Since our feelings are raw immediately after an incident, it’s a

good idea to take a minute to calm down, collect our thoughts, and then talk to someone we trust

to gain an objective perspective. Sometimes talking out our thoughts and getting feedback can

help us think more rationally.

6. Be mindful. Using mindfulness techniques – noticing our feelings without judging them – can

allow us to accept them without fueling the anger. Enhancing awareness of our anger also helps

us to begin thinking about it rationally.

7. Use humour. Add some light-heartedness to a situation (if you can). For example, if the object of

your anger is another manager and your thought is, “He thinks he’s such a hot shot”, picture him

strutting out of a limo, with shades and a huge gold necklace on, greeting a crowd of screaming

fans. Sometimes purposefully looking at a situation from a light-hearted, exaggerated or

ridiculous angle can help you gain perspective and diffuse your anger.

8. Take action. Once your immediate anger reaction has subsided, verbalize how you feel in a

calm and professional manner. Try to use milder words that under-represent your anger. This

can help de-escalate the situation. Good words to use are “frustrated” or “concerned”. If

appropriate, try to use the word “we” as much as possible to soften your statement and indicate a

spirit of collaboratively working toward a solution. What is important here is that you express the

anger so that it is not bottled up inside. Saying that you are disappointed, frustrated or

concerned may seem mild, but it can go a long way in relieving you of the pent up stress that

comes from suppressed anger.

Tips for Stress Management

Stressors are unfortunately a part of our daily personal and working lives. Stressors, however,

may not be directly problematic. Rather, it can be our responses to those stressors that can be

challenging. Working to reduce our overall stress levels can make it much easier to do our job. It

is especially helpful for managers – who have the main responsibility for dealing with distressed

workers – to regulate their stress levels. Stressed managers can be considerably less effective

when reacting to stressed workers.

A number of things can help you reduce your stress level to a manageable level.

1. Avoid unnecessary stress. There are stressors that we must deal with (e.g., urgent work

deadlines), and there are stressors that we can choose to eliminate from our lives (e.g.,

the stress of being late for a meeting because you responded to a non-urgent email).

Learn to say “no”.

Prioritize urgent vs. non-urgent tasks and responsibilities.

Make your to-do list manageable (address the “must do” items and put the

“should” items on the backburner).

Recognize your limits and accept that you can’t do it all!

2. Identify the causes of your stress. Often the stressors we deal with are predictable and come

up again and again. Identify ways you can problem-solve the predictable stressors within your

control.

Make a list of your most common personal and work-related stressors.

Identify the cause of the stress: what specifically makes the stressor feel stressful?

Ask yourself what is within your control and which stressors you can take action on. Use a

solution-focused strategy.

3. Apply an appropriate stress management strategy. Proactively work to reduce your stress

levels. Realize that strategies effective for small stressors may not be effective for larger ones.

Have a range of strategies at your disposal.

Proactively maintaining good sleep habits can help prevent stress from becoming

unmanageable.

Deep breathing or distraction techniques can be good “in-the-moment” stress-reduction

techniques.

Relaxation techniques (meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga) can help.

Social activities – particularly those that include the people you like the most – can be a

strong buffer against stress.

4. Problem-solve the stressor. Work actively to control or mitigate parts of the stressor over which

you have control. Teach yourself to quickly recognize components of stressors over which you do

and do not have control.

Don’t avoid tackling the stressor (whether it’s a situation, assignment, or worker-related

issue): avoidance almost always makes the situation worse.

Be willing to compromise on effective solutions; an acute stressor may require an

immediate (but perhaps less than ideal) solution.

5. Change your thinking. Actively change your thoughts about your stressors; the way you

interpret what you are experiencing impacts your emotional reaction.

Be mindful of your internal language (e.g., viewing a traffic jam as a “nuisance” rather

than an “utter catastrophe” leads to different interpretations).

Try to be less of a perfectionist, and allow yourself to more easily accept and tolerate

things that differ from your ideal.

Focus on the positive; think about the “silver lining” that comes along with some (not all)

stressors (e.g., receiving a special assignment may mean a tighter schedule, but also

possibly a step toward promotion).

6. Make time to relax and recharge. Make it a priority to set aside some time for you. You can’t

run on empty.

Make sure you have at least a short period of rest and relaxation as part of your daily

schedule.

Connect with others; spending time with positive people enhances our overall quality

of life.

Do something you enjoy every day.

7. Strengthen your physical health. The better rested and healthier you feel, the more resilient

you can be in dealing with stress.

Make getting enough sleep a priority.

Exercise regularly.

Eat healthy foods, and eat regularly.

Reduce the amount of caffeine and sugar you consume.

Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and non-prescription drugs.