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EXCLUSIVE SECRETHow to E-mail a Stranger

Secret 32 of Business Without the Bullsh*t explains “How to Write a Compelling E-mail.” The technique in the book applies to two general situations: getting a decision internally and getting a deci-sion from a customer with whom you’ve been working. This exclu-sive secret explains how to write a first-time e-mail to somebody you don’t know or don’t know very well, such as a potential customer, a potential employer, or a business contact who knows somebody you’d like to reach.

1. UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.

The purpose of a first-time e-mail is to open an e-mail conversation, not to close the deal. This is important because the reason most first-time e-mails fail is that they ask too much.

No matter how well written, an e-mail is probably not going to convince a stranger to commit a significant amount of time and effort to you or what you want.

If you successfully open the conversation, you may be able, even-tually, to move that conversation so that the recipient takes the action you’d like, such as meeting with you or buying from you.

With a first-time e-mail, though, your goal is simply to get a response. To accomplish this, the first-time e-mail must:

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G E O F F R E Y J A M E S

1. Have a subject line that will convince the recipient to open the e-mail.

2. Be brief enough that the recipient can read it quickly.3. Be compelling enough that the recipient responds.4. Be conversational rather than formal or overly informal.

Even though the recipient will be reading the subject line first, you will be writing the subject line last, after you’ve thought through the contents.

2. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Before you even start to write, it’s essential to get one thing straight: a successful first-time e-mail (that is, one that gets a response) is never about you. It’s about the recipient.

In the physical world, like at a meet-and-greet or a party, if you attempt to open a conversation with a stranger by talking about yourself, the stranger starts looking for the exit. In exactly the same way, if you make a first-time e-mail mostly about you, the recipient will almost undoubtedly delete it without responding. There are four ways to make an e-mail about you:

1. Your feelings:

� “I hope I’m not intruding . . .”� “I am excited to announce . . .”

2. Your desires:

� “I am looking forward to . . .”� “I would like to . . .”

3. Your features:

� “Our software uses the TCP protocol.”� “I have a degree in communications.”


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B U S I N E S S W I T H O U T T H E B U L L S H * T

4. Your functions:

� “Our software reduces inventory.”� “I specialize in tracking online media.”

The first two items—your feelings and desires—are irrelevant to the recipient, a stranger who doesn’t yet care about you as a per-son. The second two items—your features and functions—seem, on the surface, to be more relevant, but simply providing them forces the recipient to figure out how they fit into his or her wants and needs.

For example, take this statement:

“Our system’s dual framistats [feature] eliminate stray tachyons [function].”

Such a sentence would get a response from a stranger if, and only if, that stranger has just decided that he or she really needs to elimi-nate tachyons and has concluded that in order to do so the tachyon eliminator must have dual framistats. In other words, you’re assum-ing that the stranger has already identified the benefits. Unfortu-nately, this is seldom the case.

Rather than making your first-time e-mail about you, your feelings, your needs, your features, or your functions, make it about the poten-tial benefit to the recipient should he or she respond to the e-mail.

3. GET INSIDE THE STRANGER’S SKIN.

Your challenge, therefore, is to identify and articulate a reason (ben-efit) that might compel the stranger to respond. To do this, you must stop thinking about the situation from your perspective and instead see things from the recipient’s perspective.

First, research the recipient. The more you know about your


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target’s job and industry, the more likely you’ll be to come up with a meaningful and appropriate benefit. Hint: use the Internet.

Second, use your imagination! Pretend you’re the recipient. Con-sider what you (as that recipient) are trying to accomplish. Now pretend that you’ve just gotten an e-mail from a stranger and you immediately responded and replied. Finally, ask yourself the follow-ing question: “Why did I reply?”

The answer to that question will guide the writing process.

4. DEFINE ONE QUANTIFIABLE BENEFIT.

Now that you’ve visualized the situation from the recipient’s viewpoint, select the best single benefit that can be quantified. I emphasize the last part because in business, if something isn’t quantifiable, it’s not real.

Example 1:

� Wrong (feature): “We have 24-7 customer service.”� Wrong (benefit but not quantified): “Our customer service can

save you time and money.”� Right (quantified benefit): “Our service group frees up about an

hour a day for our average customer.”

Example 2:

� Wrong (function): “I’ve run many trade shows and run your next one.”

� Wrong (benefit but not quantified): “I can help you get more cus-tomer contacts at your next trade show.”

� Right (quantified benefit): “I can increase customer attendance at your show booth by 50 percent.”

Please note that you must select one and only one benefit. Listing multiple benefits adds complexity and therefore makes a first-time e-mail more difficult to read and understand.


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More is not better. Pick your best quantifiable benefit and trust that it’s the right one.

5. DEFINE ONE VERIFIABLE PROOF.

A benefit, even a very compelling one, won’t get a stranger to respond unless you also answer the question “Why should I believe that the benefit is real?”

In other words, you need to provide some proof you can deliver. Proof takes the form of a statement that can be independently verified. That last part is important because if a statement can’t be verified, it’s just an empty claim.

Example 1:

� Wrong (empty claim): “We can do this because our software is high quality.”

� Wrong (statement not verifiable): “Customers tell us our soft-ware is high quality.”

� Right (verifiable proof): “We won two Best Quality awards from the Trade Show Association (TSA).”

Example 2:

� Wrong (empty claim): “I am certain I can deliver.”� Wrong (statement not verifiable): “I have done similar work for

companies just like yours.”� Right (verifiable proof): “At ABC, I increased customer atten-

dance at the CES and ES3 shows.”

You do not want to provide oodles of proof in the first-time e-mail. You just want a single solid proof that backs up the single relevant benefit.


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6. DEFINE ONE “CALL TO ACTION.”

Because the purpose of a first-time e-mail is to get a stranger to reply in order to begin a conversation, that’s ALL you should ask of the recipient. Do not ask the recipient to read a document, click through to a website, call you, or anything else.

WRONG:

� “For more information, please feel free to call me.”� “Our website has an informative video that you might want to

watch.”� “If you will send me some times you’re available, I will be happy

to coordinate a meeting.”� “I’ve attached my résumé for your examination.”

RIGHT:

� “If you like, I can provide some brief details.”� “I can certainly explain further if you feel it warrants your

attention.”� “If this interests you, I can e-mail you the particulars.”

7. CRAFT A PERSONALIZATION.

A personalization is a single sentence that ensures the recipient that this is not spam. It does this by referring to something that’s unique to the recipient. Here are the rules for doing this:

1. AVOID PLATITUDES.

A general remark about productivity, management, the industry, or cost savings is an insult, since it implies that you think the recipient is so clueless you need to explain the obvious.


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WRONG:

� “Today’s managers know that productivity is important.”� “Cost savings are important in every business.”

2. DO NOT SHOW FACE CONCERN.

Any inquiry expressing concern, hope, or interest in the recipient’s health, business, weather is insincere nonsense.

WRONG:

� “I hope that you’re well.”� “I trust you’re weathering the snowstorm.”

Let’s be honest here: you’re writing to a stranger. All you really care about is that this person read your e-mail and respond.

3. DON’T BROWNNOSE.

Obsequiousness to a stranger always rings false and marks you as somebody who is (at best) unimaginative and (at worst) insincere.

WRONG:

� “I really like your new product announcement.”� “I’m impressed with your firm’s financial performance.”

There are two types of personalization that actually work:

4. IF POSSIBLE, USE A REFERRAL.

A referral is a brief mention of somebody whom the recipient has met (good), knows (better), or trusts (best).

RIGHT:

� Joe suggested I write to you directly.� I am writing because Jane told me that you would be interested.


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Ideally, the person will have already contacted the recipient on your behalf. (Hint: if somebody gives you a contact name, ask him or her to e-mail the contact before you do.)

5. IF A REFERRAL IS NOT POSSIBLE, USE A TRIGGER EVENT.

This is an event that ties into the benefit and that happened or is happening to the recipient, the recipient’s company, or the recip-ient’s customer. Examples are a merger of the recipient’s busi-ness with another firm, a product announcement at the recipient’s firm, the winning (or losing) of a big customer for the recipient’s firm, and the recipient’s presentation at an industry conference. Examples:

RIGHT:

� I read in the New York Times today that ABC is expanding its manufacturing lines.

� I understand that you’re undergoing a restructure in the sales and marketing group.

8. STRUCTURE THE E-MAIL.

This part is simple. The e-mail should be presented like this:

Dear [customer’s first name],

Personalization.

Statement of benefit.

Statement of proof.

Call to action.

[Your name]

[Your title and contact info]


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A few quick caveats:

1. Some business cultures have their own conventions about hon-orifics and how to address other professionals. In addition, you may need to add some courtesy phrases lest the e-mail seem rude. The best thing to do is run it by someone who’s lived there.

2. Do NOT put your contact information inside the body of the e-mail; it makes you seem desperate and implies that you think the customer is too stupid to find your contact data where it’s supposed to be.

3. Do NOT splatter your e-mail with links or attach documents. The purpose is to open a conversation, not send the recipient’s atten-tion elsewhere.

Example 1 (sales):

WRONG:

Dear Ms. Smith,

I was looking through my contacts and wanted to

see if you might be interested in learning more

about our tachyon manufacturing system. It has dual

framistats that can handle full reticular optical

imaging and we have many satisfied customers. I

have some time open next Wednesday afternoon, so

if you let me know what times you have available,

I’d like to spend about an hour with you. Please

don’t hesitate to call me at 603-555-1212 if you have

any questions, or see our website at www.johnqdee.

com. I’ve attached a brochure to this e-mail.

Sincerely yours,

John Q. Dee


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RIGHT:

Dear Mary,

Fred suggested I contact you about this.

I was recently able to help Acme comply with the

new government rules while at the same time saving

around 25 percent of its inventory costs.

If you’d like to learn more about how it did

that, I can send you a brief description.

Regards,

John Q. Dee

[email protected]

www.johnqdee.com

49 Angelic Way

Cracow, OH 44130

Example 2 (personal):

WRONG:

Dear Jim,

I am looking for a job in marketing and would

like you to consider me if you have any open

positions. I have a degree in communications and

worked in the State University office helping run

its Facebook page. I think you’ll find that I’m a

hard worker as well as being willing to learn.

I’ve attached my résumé. Please contact me if

you’re interested at [email protected].

Lauren Rodriguez


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RIGHT:

Dear Jim,

I noticed that ABC had a major presence at five

trade shows last year.

I’m writing because I can probably help you

attract more customers to your booths by reworking

the way your company does its social media

marketing.

At State University, I used social media to

connect students to recruiters at career fairs,

doubling year-to-year attendance.

If you’re interested, I can explain how I’d use

what I learned to better connect customers with

your salespeople.

Lauren Rodriguez

[email protected]

www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=16849423

9. WRITE THE SUBJECT LINE.

Now that you’ve written the body of the e-mail, it’s time to write the subject line. If you’ve followed the process above, this should be easy. Here are three guidelines:

1. REFER TO THE BENEFIT.

It’s the benefit that’s of interest to the recipient, so it’s the benefit that’s most likely to convince him or her to open the e-mail. Above all, don’t get cutesy and attempt to trick the customer into opening the e-mail.


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WRONG:

� Subject: A matter of some importance� Subject: Some great ideas

RIGHT:

� Subject: The new tachyon regulations� Subject: Ideas for increasing Acme’s social media presence

2. KEEP IT SIMPLE.

Busy people get a LOT of e-mails and usually decide which to open based on a quick scan of the ones that have recently arrived. There-fore, the simpler the better.

WRONG:

� Subject: Sales training effectiveness and efficiency at Google� Subject: The symbiosis of framistats/tachyon manufacturing

RIGHT:

� Subject: How Google chooses its sales trainers� Subject: Using framistats to avoid government fines

3. MAKE IT SHORT.

E-mails are more likely to be opened if the subject line is short, because long subject lines often get cut off in the middle of an inbox list.

WRONG:

� Subject: Register Now for a Webinar about Learning How to Adver . . .

� Subject: How to Stop the Spoon-Feeding and Start Coaching Social . . .


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RIGHT:

� Subject: Webinar on placing ads to get more response� Subject: Winning more customers through social media

E-MAILING A STRANGER� THE goal is to open a conversation, not sell something.

� YOUR wants, needs, features, and functions are irrelevant.

� RESEARCH and understand the recipient.

� USE the best and most relevant quantifiable benefit.

� PROVIDE verifiable proof that you can deliver.

� GIVE the recipient a simple way to respond.

� CRAFT a personalization that ties in to the benefit.

� USE a simple structure for the body of the e-mail.

� THE subject line should be a short, simple summary of the benefit.

SHORTCUT

Business Without the Bullsh*t is now available for preorder. Details here: http://www.geoffreyjames.com.


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