Excavations of the Soul
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Transcript of Excavations of the Soul
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Preface
I am not perfect. In fact, I probably make more
mistakes than the average person. Since these booklets are
essentially my lessons learned each year, its natural that some
of the lessons Ive learned come from my mistakes. When I
write these booklets each year I sometimes hesitate to share
every detail because Im not always proud of the things Ive
done. This year is no different. However, this year I have
become concerned that perhaps by writing my experiences and
sharing them, some people may feel I am acting out of
arrogance; that I am essentially saying,Here, take this, because
I know youre gonna need my advice! That could not be farther
from the truth. I know that most of you could write a similar
type of booklet and we would all benefit from the lessons you
have learned. I would like to challenge each of you, in your
own way, to reflect on your experiences this year- maybe even
write some of your thoughts down. Perhaps even consider
writing a booklet like this for your experiences of next year.
Im not going to hop on the journal preaching bandwagon
because I dont even write down my experiences until the latter
third of the year! But more reflection and thought about our
experiences opens the gate for divine tutoring.
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Excavations of the Soul
This year I have discovered a wealth of spiritual
insights from the archives of the churchs online database of
talks found at LDS.org. All the Ensign magazines are found
there beginning in 1970 until now. Therefore, old general
conference talks are readily available. My home teachers
introduced me to a new searching tool, LDS citation index.
With the LDS citation index, you can take a scriptural reference
and look up talks that have used that scripture. Its all pretty
amazing! Additionally, I found a website that has an archive of
all Neal A. Maxwells addresses. I was particularly excited
about that because he is one of my favorites! I am a huge fan of
the way he writes (and speaks, but usually to understand I have
to go back and read the talks after they come out in print).
You may have noticed that my titles for these booklets
often come from the words of Elder Neal A. Maxell. This year
is no different. From the April 2000 General Conference talk he
gave, I found this quote:
We are to do what we can within our allotted
acreage, while still using whatever stretch there
may be in any tethers. Within what is allotted to us, we
can have spiritual contentmentThere are those who
are unmarried, through no fault of their own, or
yearning but childless couples. Still others facepersistent and unreconciled relationships within their
circles of loved ones, including offspring who have
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become resistant to parental counsel (3 Ne. 1:29). In
such similar situations, there are so many prickly and
daily reminders. Being content means acceptance
without self-pity. Meekly borne, however, deprivations
such as these can end up being like excavations that
make room for greatly enlarged souls.
We are all given challenges to face in this mortal existence.
Elder Maxwell acknowledges that in his talk. But he also
makes the point that if we endure our challenges and are
content with the things allotted unto [us] (Alma 29:3), we
will find within our little sphere of existence the necessary
experiences that will urge us on to eternity. Our individual
excavations of the soul are the challenges we face, the physical
and spiritual pain we endure, and the growth we experience
because of those circumstances. Elder Maxwell says, Lifes
necessary defining moments come without our
allotmentsOur responses are what matter.
Taking a little closer look at the meaning of the word
excavation, it is apparent that it means more than digging. In
archeology it means the exposing, processing, and recording of
archeological remains. In medicine excavation means to
hollow out a space. We can take from both of these meanings
and get at the essence of what it means to experience
excavations of the soul. An excavation can be the exposure of aweakness or strength. It probably includes the processing of the
experiences we encounter in mortality. After all, we are
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spiritual beings having a mortal experience. Excavation can
include recording experiences, as well, in journals and other
places (perhaps a booklet of reflecting on the year??). The idea
of hollowing out my soul is also appealing to me because I
know imperfections run rampant in my soul. Removing those
things and replacing them with the love of the Savior and
knowledge of His goodness can be part of the process ofexcavation as well.
In the process of recording my own experiences this
year, I have been able to learn more about myself and the
spirituality of this mortal experience. I have felt some
excavations of my soulfrom the exposure to the hollowing. It
is my hope that, as you read my experiences, you will feel a
desire to reflect on your souls and the changes that have taken
place in you this year.
Book of Mormon Messages
In late August Bishop Richards challenged the youth of
our ward- and anyone else in the ward who wanted to
participate- to read the entire Book of Mormon by November
30th. I began riding public transportation to school and found
that one of the perks is being able to do my scripture reading. It
was a time for me to focus on the gospel before getting into my
school focus. Beyond just checking my reading off a list, I
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found it a good time to really try to listen to what the Holy
Ghost may have to share with me. Sheri Dew, one of my
heroes, once said, Our challenge is not in somehow coaxing
the Lord to speak to us; our challenge is understanding what He
has to say and preparing and learning how to understand Him
when He speaks. I feel like listening to the Holy Ghost to
messages Heavenly Father wants me to know is something thatI dont do as well as I should. Its easy to get caught up in
whats right in front of me.
One morning as I was reading the Book of Mormon as
I rode the train to work, I suddenly had a thought. The words of
a letter I had read on my mission came to my mind. It wasnt a
letter written to me orfor me. In fact, it had nothing to do with
me. But it also had everything to do with me.
When I was in the first area of my mission a family in
the small ward my companion and I attended invited us over to
dinner. The Vassilaros family was young- just a young couple
and their year old son. Brother Vassilaros shared with us a
letter than his father had written to him while he was serving a
mission. Although it was a personal letter from father to son, it
was something that had a powerful impact on me. I asked for a
copy of it and treasured it throughout my mission.
I dont remember the specifics of the verses I read on
the train that day. In fact, I dont think it even had anything to
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do with the idea this letter Brother Vassilaros shared with me.
But I got home from school that night and searched through my
mission memorabilia for the letter. I found the copy and began
to read
Weaknesses are our friends; not enemies. They bring
us humbly to Christ. They make us humble. They give
us the need to pray and depend on God. They
eventually become our strengths. At the end of eachjourney of change we always look back at the
wilderness we just quit and express gratitude for
having had to travel there.
On the other hand, you must beware of magnifying
your weaknesses so far out of proportion that they are
all you can see. Introspection is good, but you must
eventually accept yourself for who you are, strengthsmixed with weaknesses, and learn to see you and
others as God sees: with mercy, love, and hope. Leave
your weaknesses alone; continually troubling yourself
with them will never remove them but magnify them
from the motes that they really are into the mountains
that they really are not. Practice mercy for yourself;
give yourself the benefit of the doubt- you are human,
and a young, immature human at that. The Lord knowsall of your problems and still loves you! You are
worthy and deserving of His love just because of who
you are, not by anything you do. Focusing your energy
and attention on your problems will not make you more
valuable or beloved; probably exactly the opposite will
occur. As your weaknesses loom ever larger in your
eyes, so will everyone elses. This is the devils way,
not the divine way. Satan wants us to become full ofourselves and tormented by our sins and weaknesses.
He destroys joy by removing the hope in a Redeemer.
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He wants us to believe we are responsible for changing
ourselves- which thing we cannot do- because God will
not. If Satan can convince us that God could but wont,
he has won a great victory.
Satan wants us turned towards our weaknesses and
sins. He wants us to choke on our problems. He desires
that we squash joy in our Redeemer with the miserable
weight of our sins. Just like him. He rejects the
outstretched hand of his Redeemer.
The Zen in repentance is that the more you turn
towards your sins to directly confront and tackle them,
the more powerful, deeply rooted, and unbeatable they
grow. It is impossible for any man to root out his
problems and weaknesses by the strength of his own
arm. I know.
But as you turn from them into the arms of Christ,
leaving your weaknesses behind you, dropping them at
the feet of the Savior as He has asked- by believing in
Him as your Redeemer and assuming that He will take
care of the problems as your repent- they will lose their
power over you. You will no longer feel the need to
whip yourself with them.
I paraphrase Elder Holland (Ensign, October 1996):
once you have done all the Lord expects of you to
repent, please have the good sense to walk away from
the ashes.
You have no more weaknesses than any of us poor
mortals, but you might occupy yourself with the few
you have. The missionary experience tends to force usto look at ourselves in a light we never before
considered. This is good, but we have to avoid getting
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bogged down in the mess we find. Thats why we needa Redeemer. Let your clarifying cognizance of your
weaknesses send you to your Redeemer, who is full of
grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. Believe in Him as
your personal Savior (Alma 5:15)- He is quick to
forgive and mighty to save. His grace is sufficient for
all of us who turn to Him. You need the joy of
forgiveness, not the misery of weakness in your
countenance and eyes. How can you fully represent
Him if you dont fully experience His power? Takeyour bundle of problems to Him, drop them once and
for all at His feet, and expectHis joy to fill you. That is
His work- to give us joy. That is ourwork- to
experience it and then to testify of it.
You are fine, David. You are in the right place doing
the right thing. The Lord loves you, I love you, and
your mother loves you. You have the gift of the HolyGhost, the covenants, and the Priesthood. Youre fine.
Go enjoy your life and your work.
When I finished reading I knew that the Holy Ghost
had sent that thought to my mind as I was reading the scriptures
that morning. The letter included very specific things that I
needed to be reminded of. It was a powerful lesson for me and
it reinforced the power of the scriptures. As we read the
scriptures, it demonstrates our obedience and faith. It provides
an atmosphere where our hearts can receive revelation. It is a
practice that opens to us the sheer power that is in the Book ofMormon as another testament of our Savior.
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A few weeks later I was again on the train and reading
the Book of Mormon. I was reading near the end of Alma. It
was a familiar part of the Book of Alma that I had read many
times. In fact, I remembered the chapter as one that contained a
verse that had touched me in an earlier time. I came to verse 41
in Alma chapter 62. It reads, But behold, because of the
exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites andthe Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the
exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened
because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble
themselves before God, even in the depth of humility. In
previous times I had read that verse and seen myself as one of
the people who had been softened by the trials and afflictions.
Reading that day I considered that maybe I had created a shell
around my heart to protect it from the challenges of life. It
seemed like I was creating a type of defense mechanism. But I
was touched by the words of that scripture and by the power of
the Holy Ghost. It was a change I needed to make. Im grateful
for the inspiration I received through the Book of Mormon.
This experience was part of a larger lesson for me
about the Book of Mormon. In late November I was just a few
days away from finishing the Book of Mormon challenge the
Bishop had given the ward. I was ahead of schedule by about a
week! One Sunday night I was able to attend a fireside where
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Sheri Dew was speaking. She gave an absolutely amazing talk
with a message where everything seemed to speak directly to
me. Near the end of the talk she said:
Brothers and sisters, we need to think about Jesus
Christ more than we do. We need to learn about Him
more than we do. If you havent read the Book of
Mormon anytime lately, I invite you to do it. In fact,
you know what would be awesome? If you said to
yourself, Im going to read it-every last page of it-between now and New Years Day You can do it.
You dont think you have enough time. You have
enough time. Ill do it, if youll do it.
At first I thought, Oh, arent I good?!?!I beat her to the punch.
Im just about done with it! But then I felt an impression that I
needed to begin again in line with Sister Dews challenge.
Though unclear on the reason why, I realized a familiar feeling
of peace and warmth indicating that I should take her challenge
and begin again. What struck me more about this portion of her
talk was the statement that we need to think more about Jesus
Christ than we do.
As Im currently writing this, I have not yet finished
the Book of Mormon, but I am on track to finish by New
Years Day. I have read the Book of Mormon about an hour
each day, about 11-15 pages per day. On New Years Eve when
I plan to finish the Book of Mormon, my reward will not besimply the satisfaction of taking on and finishing another Book
of Mormon reading challenge. The reward has been in the
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process of completing the goal. I have felt myself being more
tetheredto the Savior, as Sister Dew explained in her talk that
night. The idea of tethering ourselves to Him reminds me of the
beautiful song, Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing. It says,
Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to
thee. A fetter, I learned, is a shackle or restraint; a sort of
tether. If youve ever seen a falcon trainer wear a glove whilehis bird sits on his arm, sometimes there is a cord attached to
the birdsleg and to the trainers arm. The falcon may try to
disobey and fly at inappropriate times, but he is attached to by
this fetter. I am sometimes like a disobedient falcon, trying to
fly away when its not appropriate or trying to fly in the wrong
direction or using the wrong method. Hopefully, my tether to
the Savior is strong enough to bring me back to Him.
Reading each day has brought me closer to the Lord in
many ways- in thought, in my actions, and it has deepened my
understanding of my complete reliance on the atonement. The
concluding part ofCome, Thou Fount of Every Blessing, gives
voice to my feelings.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.
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The Gardener
In a previous year I wrote about the talk by Hugh B.
Brown and the Currant Bush. Many of you have read it and
know it well or maybe youve heard it quoted in a Sunday
school lesson. It is a story that touches me in so many ways. At
the risk of beating a dead horse, I wanted to include it as an
important experience for me this year as well. Early in the year,
I heard the talk as a podcast from my iTunes library. I think it
was actually a recording of the original occasion when Elder
Brown shared the experience back in May of 1968. I highly
recommend it for any of you who have not read it. Im not
going to reprint it in this booklet, but its easy enough to accessonline if you feel like its something you want to revisit.
As I listened to Elder Brown share his story I was filled
with the warmth ofGods love for me. The feeling of love
came from an understanding of the story and how Elder Brown
was cut down in order to have experiences that would allow
him to be a better tool in the hands of our Heavenly Father.
Particularly, it caught my interest because of the evidence it
provided that God knows each of His children. I am one of His
children and, although, there is evidence all around us that we
are known by Him, its easy to forget. It was a tender mercy to
hear the words of Elder Browns story again from his own
mouth and to see how it applied in my life at that time.
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In November at the Sheri Dew fireside I mentioned
previously, she reiterated this concept in different words. She
shared the experience of having made plans to speak at a
conference in Canada. At the last minute some problems came
up at work and she thought maybe she would have to stay
home so she could deal with these problems. After wringing
her hands and worrying about it she finally decided to just seeif she could adjust the flights and come home sooner. She told
of how she called Delta airlines at midnight, just a few hours
before she was to leave on her trip (8am the following day).
Miraculously, she got an agent on the phone who knew who
she was because Sister Dew had helped the agents father with
a project a long time ago. The agent was very helpful and
arranged everything beautifully. This was a testimony to Sister
Dew that Heavenly Father knows her and wants to help her.
She said,
I came back from that trip and said to myself, Okay,
you just had a living example of a principle that appliesto every one of us. And that is, that in that moment,
God knew who I was. He knew where I was. He knew
what my life mission was, meaning what I had
promised to do, and he knew what I needed in the
moment to accomplish that mission. I think that
principle is true. God knows who you are by name. He
knows where you are. He has put you where you are.
He knows what your mission is- and I mean, your lifemission. I believe we each came with a life mission
with a scope of things we pre-mortally committed to
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do, said we were willing to do, said we were willing to
help accomplish in the building up of the kingdom of
God in the last part of the latter days. And He also
knows exactly what we need to accomplish that
mission. I have had a whole lot of travel arrangements
that did not work out nearly as quick as that one did.
But in that moment those little things helped me do
something that I think I actually agreed to do and
needed to do. And I believe that principle is true. You
have a mission. And God will help you. He will helpyou if you want Him to and if you ask Him to.
I dont know ifyouve ever had an experience where
everything fall into place just rightthe perfect storm, so to
speakand you know that Heavenly Father is aware of you. I
had that experience several times on my mission. I feel like Im
living an experience of that right now as I have just completed
my first semester of my PhD program at the University of
Utah. I suspect that my acceptance into the program was a
product of very good timing in applying and not so much a
product of being the best candidate who applied. I landed in a
great place at the university working with an advisor/mentor
who is a great fit for me personally. Initially, she was
intimidating to me. However, I know now that she
demonstrates the perfect combination of caring for and
challenging her students. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father
knows each of us individually and He wants to help us fulfill
our mortal life mission, like Sister Dew said if you ask Him to.
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He Hears Me
Hilary Weeks sings a great song called He Hears Me.
Here I am again, down on my knees
And with every pleading word, Thy comfort I seek
Though the words are slow to come,
My thoughts are racing by
Peace fills the room, Thy spirit is nigh
He hears meWhen I'm crying in the night
He hears me
When my soul longs to fight
Till the morning will come
And the light of the dawn reassures...
He hears me
I worked at Quiznos for the first half of the year. While
it wasnt my dream job, it was a good opportunity for me to
work with my aunt, Helen. I enjoyed working with her because
she is great at what she does, but I also enjoyed the blessing of
getting to know her more and building a dear friendship with
her.
Because I was working part time and because I was
constantly fighting off medical bills, I often found my wallet
empty and deadlines staring me in the face. As the early winter
months began to give way to the spring, I decided I was going
to start riding my bike to work to save on gas money. It was
about 12.5 miles to ride to work, but there was a nice bike path
for 95% of the way. It ended up usually taking me about 45
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minutes to an hour depending on the wind. I was clearly not in
the best physical shape and I was riding a mountain bike as
opposed to a road bike. But I felt like it was worth it. I could
get some exercise and save money!
One day that I rode to work I remember looking out the
window of the store just before my shift was ending. The
windows at the store faced south and west. It looked clear andsunny. When my shift ended I clocked out and changed into my
gym shorts and t-shirt to ride home. When I got outside and on
my bike the wind nearly knocked me over! Looking to the
north I could see dark clouds and they seemed to be moving my
way. I figured a little rain wouldnt hurt me and I began my
trek homeward.
I was riding toward the storm and the storm was
moving toward me. It wasnt long before the rain drop began to
wet my hair and clothes. At first it wasnt bad, but when the
wind really started to blow, it started to get cold. I pulled out
my phone and tried to call my dad and mom. Neither one
answered. I figured there was nothing to do but move forward.
And I was moving forwardslowly, but at least going in the
right direction. Have you ever been bike riding against the
wind? For me, it is one of the worst feelings! I was getting
more and more frustrated with my struggle against the wind.
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My hands were cold and I was beginning to drip. Then my
phone started ringing!
It was my mom. My dad was in the shower when I
called cleaning up after working outside in the rain, and he had
started to wonder while in the shower if I had taken my bike to
work that day. He called to my mom and asked her to try to
contact me. That was when my mom called. She said someonewould be there to meet me at the Centerville exit. Just as I
arrived at the exit, my dad pulled up in his truck and we loaded
my bike. It wasnt long before I was warm and safe within my
dads truck.
As I thought about that experience, I couldnt help but
draw an analogy to how our Heavenly Father is always eager to
rescue us. While I was riding home, I remembered my dad
telling me that if I ever needed a ride home when I had taken
my bike to work, he would be willing to come get me.
Similarly, our Heavenly Father offers his help willingly if we
will call on Him for assistance in our times of need.
That wasnt the only time my dad saved me this year.
Another time, before I started riding my bike to work, I realized
that I was going to need gas to get to work, but I didnt have
enough money to stretch that far. I had exhausted all my
options and decided to take the matter to the Lord. I prayed that
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I would somehow have the means to get gas in my car so I
could get to work.
The next day my dad asked to borrow my car for a
quick errand. Seeing that it was low on gas, he filled it up! I
dont think he felt like it was a big deal and I know he didnt
see it as an answer to my prayers, but it was huge. I was able to
get through until the next paycheck. Does the Almighty God inHeaven know who I am? Does He hear my prayers? I know
that He does. It is my testimony that the God of the universe is
sensitive to my very finite needs, and that He attends to these
miniscule needs according to the plan He has for my personal
growth. Of pre-eminent importance in this life are our souls
growth and our ability to learn to use our free agency well.
What Makes You Happy?
When the semester started in August, I started riding
the frontrunner and trax to school each day. It took me about an
hour to get to school, but it was doable. I also had time to read
and do homework while I was traveling, which would not be
possible while driving. Another fun part of using the public
transportation system is that you get to see all kinds of crazy
things and for a people watcher its quite fun. On my mission
I was able to do the same thing while riding the subway and
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busses in Philly - observe people and how they interact with
others and the environment.
One day as I was sitting on trax, a middle-aged man sat
down next to me. I was reading and like most train riders, I just
keep to myself. However, my reading was interrupted as the
man next to me started up a conversation. He asked if I was a
student and I replied that I was. Then he asked what I wasstudying and what I wanted to do when I finished. All of these
were normal questions. Then he suddenly said, What makes
you happy?Before I could answer he quickly said, I think
our happiness is based on ourperformance in life. At first, the
idea kind of resonated with me. If we succeed we are usually
happy people, right? But it only took a second before my mind
rejected the idea. I fail a lot. If my happiness was based on my
performance, I would generally be an unhappy person. So, I
told him that my happiness comes from being with people I
lovemy family, my friendsand I told him my thought
about why performance doesnt bring happiness. He kind of
shrugged at my answer and started babbling on about his
philosophy. I didnt really pay much attention because I was
caught up in my thoughts about what had just occurred.
As a person studying how the mind affects our
performances, it was a significant question. If something other
than our performance brings us happiness, why do people want
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to succeed so badly? I was so immersed in the classes I was
taking that I naturally applied the things I learned in school to
my life. I was learning about motivation theory in class. Dr.
Newton, my advisor, is a motivation guru. Much of her
research has focused on motivation and how to maximize
intrinsic motivation. We had talked about self-determination
theory in class, which is based on the work of two socialpsychologists, Ryan and Deci. The theory is based on the idea
that in order to increase intrinsic motivation (meaning doing
things because they are naturally rewarding to us and out of our
sheer enjoyment of the activity) we should maximize the three
basic needs of humans: competency, autonomy, and
relatedness. Competency refers to being able to perform tasks
in your environment. Autonomy refers to the feeling of being in
charge of oneself and having the freedom to choose.
Relatedness refers to a natural desire to be connected with our
environment through the people around us.
When I started thinking about happiness in relation to
self-determination theory and the basic needs, it became
obvious to me that the gospel of Jesus Christ is founded on
these principles. The gospel offers us many opportunities for
growthcallings, serving others, and just following the
teachings of Jesus. Even if we dont necessarily succeed in
all that we do, the important part is that we are moving in the
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right direction and making progress (this is another type of
motivation, mastery motivation, where what matters most is the
progress of mastering skills). This fills our need for
competency. The gospel is based around respecting the free
agency of others. The Saviors mission on earth and death was
enacted because those of us in heaven who chose to come to
earth believed so strongly in the necessity for the growth thatwould come as we were challenged on earth to use our agency.
This fills our need for autonomy. The gospel revolves around
families and eternal relationships. Understanding our Heavenly
Fathers love and learning to love those around us is a seminal
teaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This fills our need for
relatedness.
If I were to answer the mans question again I would
say that performance doesnt always make us happy. But it can.
Our performance can make us happy if our motivation for
performing well in life is based on competency, autonomy, and
relatedness as it translates from the gospel to our daily lives.
When my performance each day is linked to the Saviors
teachings and especially His atoning sacrifice for me, I know I
will be happy.
One Foot in Front of the Other
At the beginning of December I began to realize that
my aunt, Sherlyn, had passed away a year ago. The first
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thought that came to my mind was, that if time passed that
quickly was I any better as a person today than I was a year
ago? And if not, why not? What changes did I need to make in
my approach to life that would facilitate the adjustments I
needed to make? I cant tell you that I have all the answers to
those questions. But please dont stop reading! Ill give you
my best explanation.I started to reflect on something I had read earlier this
year that had an impact on me. It was a talk I had read given by
Elder Neal A. Maxwell at the University of Utah Institute of
Religion in 1983. The talk is titled, The Education of Our
Desires. If I have not made the adjustments in my life to
become better today than I was a year ago, it struck me that
perhaps I should examine more closely my desires. Elder
Maxell first acknowledges that we have great challenges facing
us in mortality. He says,
It is your lot to live in a secular society when there is
growing tolerance for almost everything except thatwhich is spiritual, and when more and more individuals
conclude that there are no absolute principles to be
honored, only personal preferences to be
obeyedYours is the time, scripturally speaking, when
some people will rage against that which is good and
will, for the praise of the world, even make war upon
the saints. You will need to learn to love and to defend
the Book of MormonYou will handle such sternchallenges because you are made of stern stuff. You
will be able to manage all of these things because you
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have oil in your lampsBy heightening your literacyin spiritual things, you will become increasingly able to
withstand the heat of the day.
Consider this experience I had this semester in relation to the
above quote. I was walking back to the exercise and sport
sciences offices with a professor and another student. We had
just completed a class. Both of us students were her teaching
assistants. The conversation turned to sports, as it usually did,
and the student started talking about Jimmer Fredette and how
the BYU fans really elevated him to star status and put him on
a pedestal. Within a matter of seconds the conversation turned.
The student said, BYU fans need to understand that Jimmer is
not God! He was clearly exaggerating and trying to push my
buttons knowing that I was a BYU alumni. Then this professor
said without warning, And they need to realize that Joseph
Smith is not God either! I was speechless! I was blindsided by
the comment because it really came out of nowhere. It was
clearly a misconception about the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. But it caught me off guard.
Well, I said nothing. I am not proud of that. In fact, if I
were to go back and relive that situation I would do it
differently. At some point I hope to have the opportunity to
clear up some obvious misconceptions about the church andmake known my testimony concerning the Prophet Joseph
Smith and the restored church. Both of those individuals are
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outspoken and obviously have negative feelings toward the
church for different reasons, which are not important for this
story. The point I would like to make here is the lack of
tolerance for religion and spirituality is growing. Religion has
almost become a bad word. Conversations of religion are
considered taboo. All this from a nation that claims the motto
In God we trust.Elder Maxwell continues in his talk by referring to a
quote by President Joseph F. Smith where he says, You and I
must take great care concerning the education of our desires.
Elder Maxwell defines our desire as that which truly calls the
cadence for our thoughts and our deeds. He then says, our
desires clearly control the tilt of our souls. The core of what
these quotes are saying should resonate with those of you who
are familiar with Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk in the April 2011
General Conference titled, Desire. He says essentially the
same thing, Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our
choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act
on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming.
Have they made the case yet for the importance of desires? For
me they did.
Back to Elder Maxwells talkHe instructed,
It is the continuing education of our desires and thealignment of those desires with the desires of our
Heavenly Father that becomes the great challenge of
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education for each of usUnless you align yourdesires with those of the Lord you will have neither
happiness here nor everlasting joy in the world to
comeYou must be desirous of being further
instructed in the ways of the Lord and in the grammar
of the gospel.
In my reflection on the year since my aunt died, I am
aware that I have not made any miraculous changes in my life,but through consistent study of the gospel my capacity for
understanding the gospel has increased. I am trying to educate
my desires.
Elder Maxwells address focuses on some ways in
which we can educate our desires. He says, I focus tonight on
our strengthening our gospel grasp upon the iron rod. Frankly,
brothers and sisters, I see no way for us to educate our desires
except for us to first understand Gods desires for us and then
to proceed in that lifelong educational process to align our
desires with his. In the scriptures, the iron rod is a symbol for
the scriptures. The mere idea that the importance of daily
scripture study is taught to us over and over again should
indicate its worth. It is a major part of gospel growth. Yet
somehow it often takes a back seat to other pursuits. The
experience I related earlier in the booklet about reading the
Book of Mormon reaffirmed the importance of the scriptures
for me. Learning what is expected of us and why it is expected
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of us, is crucial to aligning our desires with Heavenly Fathers
desires for us. His ultimate desire for us is to give us eternal life
and, subsequently, joy now and joy in eternity.
The process of aligning our desires is not easy. It
requires fundamental changes in our perspective on life and re-
evaluation of our goals. Elder Maxwell says this about the
difficult process:Once we have made his purposes for us paramount in
our lives our souls will be wrenched again and again
and again. There is no pain-free way that the natural
man can be realigned, and thats why we must deeplydesire to be like Him so those desires can then be
carried out in our lives Around us all the time there
are people settling for less than they are, for less than
they have the possibility to become. And I believe somuch of that stems from an intrinsic failure for them to
educate their desires.
Some people in the world today believe that you cant control
how you feel or what you desire. I believe this idea is false. It
would impede our free agency and limit our ability to follow
the commandments. Educating our desires is not simply a
matter of reading and making ones mind up to change. I think
it entails a much more spiritual process. It involves
communicating our desires to our Heavenly Father in prayer
and specifically expressing our desire to submit to His will and
then consistently act upon the teachings of the gospel of Jesus
Christ. We must allowHim to change us.
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If Im not a completely new and better person since last
year, I can at least acknowledge things Ive learned. Reflecting
on the past year has taught me that by making one little change
after another in my life I will begin to educate my desires and
see evidence of improvement and progress. Its not an easy
process, but it begins by moving in the right direction, one foot
in front of the other.
Spiritual Roots
In early December in Davis County, Utah there was a
windstorm with wind speeds up to 102 mph. The winds
knocked over semi-trucks on the freeway. It caused poweroutages across the county. Debris and empty garbage cans were
blown about. Trees were knocked over. The windstorm caused
a great deal of damage.
The day after the storm, I rode an express bus to school
in the morning. On the way home I usually would ride the
frontrunner train, but the Farmington frontrunner station was
closed down because of damages from the windstorm. To get
home that day I had to ride a different bus that I wasnt familiar
with. Its route traveled through Orchard drive in Bountiful,
onto main street in Centerville, and on into Farmington. As we
traveled through the streets of each of these towns, I was in awe
at the damage the storm had caused. I heard stories, but seeing
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it in person was incredible. What I was most amazed at was the
size of the trees that were blown over. Trees were uprooted that
had been there for probably hundreds of years!
I watched while the bus drove and I noticed that
smaller trees were still standing. There were tiny trees that had
not been damaged at all! Why was it that some of the huge
trees had given way to the fierce winds and some of the smallertrees had fallen? In my mind I came up with a couple different
possibilities. Perhaps the roots of the larger trees did not run
deep enough in proportion to their size to stabalize the part
above ground in such raging winds.
As I thought about this idea, my mind turned to the
Sheri Dew fireside I had just recently attended. She told a story
about how she had finished planting some perennial flowers in
her yard at 9pm one summer evening and then the next
morning they were gone. They werent just picked, but the
entire plant was gone and it left holes in the ground where they
used to be. After some investigating she found that the new
neighbor girl, who was just 6 years old, had pulled up the
flowers and taken them to her back yard and lined them up
along their back patio. The little girl just loved flowers and
seeing that they came out of the ground so easily it was simple
for her to pull them all out (with the help of some cousins).
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Sister Dew told this story to make a point about a
gospel principle she wanted to share with us that night. To
relate it to the gospel she said,
How are your spiritual roots? Are they rooted? Have
they been planted? How long have they been planted?
Have they been watered, nurtured, fertilized, and
allowed to grow? Because were living in the latter part
of the latter days when if our personal spiritual roots
arent pretty deep and growing deeper and deeper anddeeper, Satan can uproot us with his equivalent of a six
year old, meaning it doesnt take much. If you want to
take the analogy a little bit further, the interesting thing
about this plant is what attracted the little six year old
was the beautiful flower on top, and in our world today
we tend to look at whats visible. Dont we? But the
root you cant see, and it actually isnt all that pretty. It
is actually way more important than the flower that youcan see and is prettier to the eye. Because if the root
gets damaged or dies, the flower cant grow, and the
flower will die.
I have found myself lately thinking about some
interesting questions. Ive found myself thinking aboutthe parts of me that arent visible to you; the parts that
you cant see. I invite you to think about the parts of
you that we cant see, that are not visible to the eye.
What does your faith look like? I asked myself, Sheri,
what does your faith look like? What does your
courage look like? What does your integrity look like?
Whats going on in that head of yours? How muchknowledge is there in there? Is it growing? Is it
developing? Is it expanding? Or is it not? What are youtaking inside of yourself by what you see, listen to,
observe, and take in? Because we control what we
bring into ourselves. How is it affecting my heart?
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How is it affecting my testimony? How is it affecting
whether or not the spirit will dwell with me? I invite
you to think about what the part of you that we cant
see, looks like.
My theory is that the trees in the recent windstorm
didnt have deep roots and that the winds were too much. Satan
is raging throughout the world right now, blowing many people
out of their gospel centered habits. He is anxious to find
weaknesses that will give way to his attempts at knocking us
over. Like, Sister Dew says, it doesnt take much the
equivalent of a six year old. It seems that unless we are
constantly striving to grow our roots deeper, we are more
vulnerable to the winds that constantly blow around us in thisworld.
The questions that Sister Dew asked in her talk that
night really caused me to reflect. I challenge you to reflect on
those questions or maybe similar but more pertinent questions
for your life. It is often the unseen things that are more
important than what is visible. I am reminded of a classic
newspaper article titled, Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
When the young girl poses the question to the editor of the
New York Sun newspaper, Francis Pharcellus Church, he
replies with a beautiful essay on the existence of Santa Claus.
He claims that reality is often what you cannot see.
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Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there
is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are
those that neither children nor men can see. Did you
ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but
that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can
conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen
and unseeable in the world.
Some of the most real things I know are based on feelingson
the unseen parts of me. I know that Heavenly Father knows me.
I cant see Him or touch Him, but I know He is there. I can feel
His love for me and for those around me. I am grateful for
things unseen. My spiritual roots need to go deeper. They need
to run deep enough to cling to the core of the earth so that I can
withstand the weathering of worldly winds. Jesus Christ is thatcore. My goal is to tether myself to Him and to the Father.
Understanding Maps
There are all different types of mapscity maps, world
maps, political maps, climate maps, topographic maps,
Disneyland maps, mall maps, and road maps. I used maps on
my mission a lot! They were super useful in finding our way
around new areas. As long as you know how to read a map,
they can be the most essential thing for a trip. But selecting the
correct type of map is important. I have thought a lot about
maps this year because of an article I read from the New Era
published in the November 1971 edition. It was written by C.
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Terry Warner and titled, An Open Letter to Students: On
Having Faith and Thinking for Yourself.
Brother Warner suggests that many different kinds of
maps can represent the same area accurately, just with different
information. He says,
No map can show everything about the area it
represents. Indeed, in order to be intelligible, a map
must drastically simplify things; it must leave out allbut what it means to representFor example, [thecartographer] may want to make a map that enables
motorists to travel most efficiently across the country.
On this map he symbolizes the freeways and toll roads
and elevations, but he makes no indication of fishing
holes or lilac trees or shops that sell imported cheese.
Just like the cartographers goals for the map influence what is
included, an individuals goals shape their outlook on life and
what is included in the past, present, and future for that person.
Our maps are influenced by (1) social factors (goals of family
and society, training and education), and (2) individual factors
(a persons own desires and goals).
Whatever our maps include, then, influences our
view of the world. Brother Warner cites a few examples to
illustrate this point. Eskimos can differentiate between nine
types of snow. Most people know only one kind of snow - the
white kindor sometimes we say, wet snow or big flakes.Meteorologists can see a storm coming by the type of clouds on
the horizon. Most people only see clouds. Then he offers this
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powerful insight: The trouble with the others [meaning non-
Eskimos and non-meteorologists] is that, though they have
perfectly good eyesight and hearing, their maps of reality-
their networks of ideas- are deficient. Essentially, we see
things the way that our maps or ideas represent them.
This idea of maps is important to me because of the
opening line of Brother Warners article. It reads: Has is evertroubled you that many intelligent and highly educated people
dont share your religious beliefs? For me, the answer is yes.
After having attended school going on 19 years now, that
question has crossed my mind. Ive interacted with some very
intelligent people who dont have any faith in a divine being. It
almost seems as if their education has robbed them of the
greatest truths the universe has to offer. This article has
prompted me to reframe my view of education in general. Why
am I working towards another degree? How does it fit in with
spiritual knowledge? Is my knowledge in the gospel
complementary to the secular knowledge I spend so much time
scrutinizing in my PhD program? The answers are not
completely clear to me at the moment, but Im confident that
they will.
Brother Warner gives five final insights to conclude.
1. Do not doubt your own convictions because the
intellectuals you interact with do not believe as you do.
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2. It is good to learn all you can from academically trained
nonbelievers in their respective professional areas, where your
purposes and theirs coincide. But where your desires and
purposes differ from theirs- where, for example, you are
seeking eternal life and they are not- their maps will not help
you.
3. You can integrate a secular map into a gospel one, but notthe other way around. This is because the latter represents more
than the former.
4. You can make an impact on these intellectuals by
capitalizing on the discrepancy between his desires and his
inherited mapHe cannot help but see, if he is honest, that you
have achieved what he wants in lifeIf you are what you
ought to be, what you are will call into question all hes been
taught to believe.
5. We must change and develop ourselves so that we can
comprehend the things of God. We do this by (1) seeking a
change of heart, and (2) studying the scriptures. Why study the
scriptures? Because they contain the core of the Lords map
of reality insofar as it can be adapted to our understanding. You
should read, make notes on, and reread the scriptures and the
conference reports, pleading with the Lord that your heart will
be softened and that these writings will, line upon line, grow
comprehensible to you.
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There are so many personal lessons for me in those five
points. I hope they have sparked light in your mind for
something that you have been thinking about. We are all
minorities on the earth as members of the church. Therefore,
there are ways all around us to apply these principles to our
friends who have not been blessed by the gospel yet, whether
or not they are considered intellectuals. I encourage you toconsider your own map and evaluate how it fits into the
gospel map.
Still Time
Girls camp this year was planned by the stake. I was
called as the ward camp leader a year earlier so it was nice to
have the stake in charge. The theme this year was, Who Are
You? and the challenge was to encourage the young women of
the stake to reflect on their worth as daughters of God and how
they should act once they are aware of that. I was touched by
the theme and the messages presented at camp.
As part of each day at camp the stake leaders set aside
30 minutes to an hour of still time. Still time meant that each
girl was to find a quiet place outside of their cabins to write in
their journal, read their scriptures, and ponder the importantthings in life. It was a challenge for some of the girls and other
girls really embraced the quiet time.
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I found myself loving each minute of still time. I was
able to reflect on some parts of the scriptures that had touched
my soul. Alma 34:31 was something I had read many times
before, but for some reason it had really sunk into my heart this
time. It says, Yea, I would that ye would come forth and
harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time
and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repentand harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of
redemption be brought about unto you.
That scripture read differently in my mind this time. I
felt like it was saying each day, every day of our lives is a part
of eternity. We often speak about eternity as a future point in
time, but right now is a part of eternity. I also felt like it said as
we repent the plan of redemptionthe miracle of the
atonementwould be made effective in our lives now.
Knowing that the atonement works each day in our lives is
something I was familiar with, but seeing it pop out of the
pages for me in that scripture really impacted me. It reminded
me of a quote by Robert L. Millet. He said,
Each of us knows deep down that eventually we must
surrender to the Lord and open ourselves to his will for
us. But not today. Not that way. Surely, we suppose,
there will come a time when we will be more prepared
to make the sacrifice of self and lay it all on Godsalter. But not now. The cold hard fact is that if we wait
until some special, red-letter day to offer our all to the
Almighty, the day may never come.
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Each day as still time began I would go check in all the
cabins and encourage the girls to come out and enjoy nature
while they read. One day there were two girls who refused to
come out. I told them that I knew they were comfortable on
their beds and that it might be a challenge, but I also told them
it was something the stake leaders had encouraged us to do. It
was a matter of obedience, I explained. I expressed my hope
that they would chose to do what was asked and I knew
Heavenly Father would bless them for good choices.
I walked out of their cabin and hoped that they would
decide to come out on their own. I certainly couldnt make
them. A couple minutes, later one of the girls sauntered out of
the cabin and found a place to experience still time in nature. I
read the following scripture shortly thereafter. Therefore, O
my son, whosoever will come may come and partake of the
waters of life freely; and whosoever will not come the same is
not compelled to come; but in the last day it shall be restored
unto him according to his deeds (Alma 42:27).
Still time is something I want to transfer into my daily
life. It may not be that I can go outside and enjoy nature every
time, but I can certainly find a quiet place to ponder and
commune with the Lord. It is in those quiet moments that theLord will speak to us.