ETR Putting Purpose in Your Life

7/27/2019 ETR Putting Purpose in Your Life

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Putting purpose in your life

She Found It

Since retiring in 2004, my mother has been busier than ever, and probably as

happy as she's been in decades. She now has time to tend to her garden,

volunteer for the local Agriculture society, attend more plays, join a

Wednesday afternoon bowling league, and even spends almost every

Saturday dancing to old country music at the Legion Hall. She has purpose in

her life, as we all should. Today, Bob Irish helps you find yours.

Craig Ballantyne

"Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left." -

George F. Burns

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Putting Purpose in Your Life

By Bob Irish

For most of my working life, this was how I imagined my retirement would be:

7:00 a.m. - Wake up slowly to birds chirping (no alarm clock).

8:00 a.m. - Meander around the garden, exercise a bit, read the papers.

Noon - Lunch at the golf course with three golf buddies.

1:00 p.m. - Tee it up, break 80, win all of the bets.

7:30 p.m. - Dinner out. Dry martini, rare New York strip, red wine.


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11:30 p.m. - Bed with soft pillows, crisp cool sheets.

And last year, on my first day of retirement, I did pretty much exactly that.

My life of perfect leisure continued for several weeks. I'd wake up every

morning cherishing my new-found freedom and have some sort of "perfect

day."

But then, somewhere into the second month, the pleasure I was getting from

my new life diminished. I felt as though I were getting mentally andemotionally fat. I wasn't accomplishing anything except amusing myself. It

wasn't the great thrill I thought it would be.

I resolved to get busy. I insinuated into my schedule any number of projects I

hadn't had the time for when I was working. I fixed the screen door. Put a bike

hoist in the garage. Organized my CD collection. Cleaned up my files. Worked

the honey-do list. And so on.

This felt pretty good, but I eventually ran out of important projects. And when

that happened, I was stuck.

About that time, I got a phone call from the guy who took my place at work.

He told me how his job was going, the challenges he was facing, the

successes he had enjoyed. I gave him a few pointers. But when I hung up the

phone, I felt sad. I realized I was envious.

Somehow, the euphoria I had enjoyed in the first week of retirement had

been replaced with something else. It was a feeling of--I can't quite describe

it. I felt rootless. Unanchored. Irrelevant.


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Every look at the calendar app on my smartphone triggered this feeling. All of

my rectangles used to be filled. Now--except for golf dates and dentist

appointments--they were vacant.

If you are not retired now, you may think you want a calendar that looks like

that. Trust me, you don't.

In my third month of retirement, my "perfect" days had devolved to this:

7:30 a.m. - Wake up feeling irrelevant.

9:00 a.m. - Putter around the house like an old fool.

11:00 a.m. - Nap.

1:00 p.m. - Golf--so what?

7:00 p.m. - Complain about how bored I am while eating dinner.

8:00 p.m. - TV.

About six months into my retirement, my uncle and aunt came to visit. I

admire my uncle. I asked him what he thought about retirement.

"The best thing about retirement is waking up knowing you can do anything

you want to," he said. "The worst thing, for many people, is exactly the same

thing."


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In an essay Mark wrote for Early to Rise years ago, he put it this way:

Some people, who have had meaningful careers, retire with the hope of

finding bliss in leisure but then find that leisure has given them a life without

meaning. They feel lost. But there is no reason ever to live a single day

without purpose.

When I was working, my goals were clearly defined. I had to build my

business. I wanted to pay off the mortgage. I needed to fund my children's

college education and save money for retirement.

All of these goals motivated me. And because I enjoyed the work I was doingand did it well (most of the time), I felt like my life had a useful purpose.

Finding Your Purpose Is Important

But in thinking about retirement, I never considered that all of the leisure

activities I intended to do might not give me that same feeling of purpose. In

fact, I never realized that purposefulness was a huge part of the satisfaction Ihad derived from my life.

I realized that what I was missing was purposefulness. But now that my

career goals had been accomplished, how could I find that?

Another thing Mark wrote helped me solve this riddle. He wrote, "You can't

achieve happiness by trying to be happy. You can't have a quality life when all

you are doing is taking care of yourself. The secret to living well is to payattention to things and people outside of you. Only by looking outward can

you find inward peace."

I made a decision to incorporate "outwardly" focused activities into my life.


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I got involved with a local charity I admired. I took this gig with The Palm

Beach Letter. I transformed a strained relationship with my brother by helping

him launch a very cool business. And sure enough, I started to feel a whole

lot better about my life.

Now my day looks like this:

7:00 a.m. - Wake up feeling energized.

8:00 a.m. - Exercise.

10:00 a.m. - Research and write for PBL.

11:00 a.m. - Study my PBL investments and/or work on my brother's

business.

12:00 p.m. - Work on my charity.

1:30 p.m. - Do whatever I want for the rest of the day.

10:00 p.m. - Soft pillows, crisp cool sheets.

You get the point. When it's all about trying to please yourself, retirement

isn't the pleasure trip you imagined. The trick, as Mark says, is to replace

meaningful career activities with other meaningful activities while leaving

yourself plenty of time for leisure.

If you are feeling the same way, there are steps you can take. For


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example:

Consider teaching. My wife's cousin spent his career working in the

trust department of the bank. Before retiring, he called on the dean of

a local college to find out whether they might need some part-time

professors. He now teaches a financial planning class every semester.

And he loves it. And surprisingly, one does not need a teaching degree

to work at the college level.

Work with the underprivileged. During the last four years of my

father's life, he taught reading once a week to prisoners at the local

penitentiary.

Grow a garden. And donate the food to a local charity.

Volunteer to work for a nonprofit you feel strongly about. My aunt

retired from the government five months ago and has poured her

passion into the Friends of Liberia organization.

Become a consultant. My brother, upon retiring from NASA, did

several projects on a contract basis for his former employer.

Get involved with local government. Attend the meetings of

decision-making bodies. Volunteer for appointed boards and city

commissions.

Embrace your cultural heritage. Become part of a group that

celebrates and preserves your cultural traditions. For example, my

aunt, who is of Irish descent, volunteers at Solas Nua, a center for Irish

thought, literature, music, and more.

Participate in community activities. My town, Delray Beach, Fla., has

many festivals and always needs volunteers to help run them.

Or best of all, make some money.

Here's the thing. You can't appreciate the day without the night. The yin

without the yang. It's all about balance. So nowadays I book "meaningful

work" into every retirement day. And guess what? It helps. I get enormous

satisfaction from my outwardly focused activities, and this allows me to enjoy

my leisure time too.


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So if you are pre-retirement, start looking for that activity that isn't about

you. And if you're already retired? The advice is the same.

ETR Putting Purpose in Your Life

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