We visit Delivererpage 11

Pilots get realin the dark

page 13

One Tongue - that’s a FACT

page 17

New look Aberdeen tested

page 20

Last word on last post page 23

Contents

Ground breaking at MOSAIC II page 5

Unstuck in the Mud page 7

Rig crew handle anchorspage 9

Happy Holiday! We’d like to make it happier for one of you - inside is a simple competition for one

of our subscribers to win an iPad2. Read on

Happy holiday,

Frank Faxøe MD Maersk Training Svendborg

For Maersk Training Svendborg this is our second Christmas as a separate entity within the Maersk Training Group. We celebrated the first with an

e-card that became a contributory factor in the inspiration behind eSea with which we are delighted to mark this holiday break.

This is sixth eSea and we’d like to thank you for the positive feedback which has allowed it to grow. Today it goes out to half as many people as the first edition did, but we know that you are the right half and that you spend more time reading it with each subsequent issue – thank you.

When we get back after the holiday we have a very busy year ahead. As you will see I had a spade in my hand to start the building process for our new MOSAIC II which, weather permitting, will be up and running by the summer. If I had one Christmas wish it would be that the sun continues to shine as it does in Svendborg today as I write this. A repeat of the last two winters would be disruptive.

Overall this is quite a sunny edition of eSea reflecting our very broad mandate to take training to where it is needed. We look forward to a year where we strengthen our facilities at home whilst opening doors around the globe.

Issue VIDecember 2011 - January 2012

The first piece of ground has been turned in the DKK 60 million project

which will see Maersk Training create the world’s most advanced offshore simulation complex. Already MOSAIC – Maersk Offshore Simulation and Innovation Centre – in less than two years has established itself as the industry benchmark for training in the specialist area of offshore supply operation.

The building, which is part of MT Svendborg, will now be joined by a twin complex, MOSAIC II, which will fill in the other half of the picture, the drilling sector, creating a facility which can create complete offshore scenarios. For the first time seafarers will be able to interact and train with oilmen

by using some of the most advanced technology yet developed for the purpose.

The groundbreaking ceremony was conducted jointly by Claus Bachmann, Asset Manager Deepwater Rigs and Vice President Maersk Drilling and by MT Svendborg Managing Director Frank Faxøe. The project is a joint cooperation between the two companies. The building process began almost immediately and the two companies hope to be having the first courses in mid 2012. A second phase with a simulated engine room will come online the following year. ‘We are going to become weathermen for the next few months, hoping that we don’t get a third white winter in a row and allowing the building to progress,’ said Frank.

Claus V. Hemmingsen, CEO of Maersk Drilling underlined how important training was to them in order to pursue ever greater safety. ‘Safety is top priority in Maersk Drilling. The simulators enable our crew to train specifically in the surroundings they find themselves in when going to the rig. Further, with a more team-orientated approach it offers a more realistic training compared to any other simulator in the market today. This will increase both safety and efficiency,’ he said.

Digging StartsDrilling Simulator

There was a certain visual irony as the diggers outside clawed their way through the fertile

Funen topsoil, tonnes of the stuff getting in the way of the new MOSAIC development - metres away inside the first MOSAIC building, a class was doing its very best to create mud.

The muddy mixture was being scientifically created by instructors Martin Adamsen and Thorbjørn Anhøj with a class of inductees to the oil and gas industry. It was a first for the Oil & Gas department as Chief Instructor Kim Yding Noe explained. ‘You can go through the theory over and over again, but we felt that turning it into a practical lesson would have greater learning potential. So we let them get their hands dirty.’

The mud arrived as a group of separate chemical elements in 50 gallon barrels and whilst the mechanical digger outside grabbed 400 kilo chunks of earth, the students measured it out on scientific scales to the nearest milligram. The mud was analyzed using MI-Swaco instruments, the same instruments used by the mud engineer on the rig.

Click on the mud in the bucket to see what the students got up to.

Students firmly grounded by new earthy approach

Glorious Mud!

Deliverer CrewsDiscover & Develop

The need to anchor, as opposed to using dynamic

positioning, has lead to teams from the semi-sub rig Maersk Deliverer undertaking a training programme not normally faced by rig crews, but one very much at home in the maritime arena. The four-day Anchor Handling course has been especially modified for the rig teams and first five participants arrived in December. Five more rig team members arrive at MOSAIC early in the New Year.

By mooring out, the rig will be able to shut down the eight engines which normally hold it in position via DP, thereby saving fuel, but more importantly further reducing emissions on a rig which already has ultra high ‘green’ qualities.

The arrival of the Deliverer team at Svendborg had a very natural, almost inevitable feel to it. The initiative was triggered by the OIM of Deliverer who, because a sister rig Discoverer did it in Australian waters, thought it would be a good idea to know exactly what was in front of them. Added to this the OIM knew exactly what simulated training could offer because he had been on a special new buildings course in January at MOSAIC before the team even set foot on Deliverer.

TrailblazersIt might be said that the arrival of the trailblazing Deliverer crew way back in January 2010 put into focus the huge potential for simulator training for rig crews and help to trigger the exciting MOSAIC II development which had its ground-breaking ceremony last month.

There was one other connection, Discoverer anchored in the Indian Ocean with the help of Per Fredricksen, a former MT instructor who is now a towmaster.

The new courses are very different to the process the Discoverer crew followed. Instructors Kenneth Kroer Hansen and Michael Toftelund have been analyzing figures for the zone of operation and mooring details for Maersk Deliverer off the Angolan coast. ‘We still need the procedures to be outlined by the

operating company but we are in good shape and will be able to simulate everything that will allow them to keep in position in all conditions up to and including a 100 year storm,’ says Kenneth.

The first team had two days of a general introduction to anchor handling, including the differing values of various types of anchors and chains. Then they had two days in the simulator in scenario-specific operations.

The DP2 series of semi-subs (Developer/Discoverer/Deliverer) are designed to work in depths of up to 30,000 feet, but off Angola it will be in waters of well under 1,000 feet. This creates a whole new environment with its own particular problems – for instance the shorter the distance between vessel and drill head the less flexibility there is in the pipe.

‘It is very important to realize that because of the power and ability of the computers we have we can simulate any of the scenarios before they come and train for a specific job,’ says Michael, ‘but it is equally important that the level we test them to is also realistic and that they leave here feeling confident and ready for the job. It would be stupid to create conditions which would have them leaving uneasy.’

The two instructors really enjoyed the course since there was a considerable degree of inter-job crossover between the seafarers and riggers – often the same task, but now seen from the other end of the towmaster’s rope.

‘It is great that we have the real crew on the real rig, in a real challenge in a totally controllable environment,’ says Kenneth.

The

O&G instructor Anthony Oladejigoes close to his roots to add toMT’s knowledge base

The

‘Deliverer’ing First-hand Experiences

It was strange being in a working environment that was both new and old,

recognizable but unfamiliar at the same time. It was also quite strange being back somewhere I’d never been.

Let me explain, I was back in West Africa and in African terms not that far from Nigeria where I was brought up. But here I was in a part of the region I’d never been to before, the Ivory Coast, or to be more precise the coast off the Ivory Coast.

On this trip I would not get a chance to see what the French-influenced country was like, which was a pity because I was curious, but my core mission was to see what the working conditions and demands are like onboard the Maersk Deliverer. One of the trio of huge semi-subs in the Maersk Drilling fleet, she was positioned about a half hour’s helicopter flight from the capital Abidjan. With a truly international crew she could have been just about anywhere, if you withdrew the warm equatorial air.

Even the food didn’t give away our location despite the majority of the galley coming from the Ivory Coast – there was plenty of international fare on this floating island, but again I wasn’t there as a restaurant critic. At Maersk Training the semi-subs have become an increasingly important part of our portfolio and we in the Oil & Gas department are eager to be totally familiar with everything that goes on in these huge vessels. We see familiarization trips like this as an important part of instructor and course development.

Huge is the overall impression I came away with – the techniques and equipment were within our experience - at 117 metres long by 80 wide it is the size of a soccer pitch, with every square metre packed with equipment. Over three days I’d see as

much of the Deliverer as possible and place what I saw in relation to the new the Deepwater Well Control course.The third reason behind the visit was for me the most exciting since Maersk Deliverer and its sister vessels, Developer and Discoverer will be playing a major role in the development of MOSAIC II.

One of the most obvious of changes is that much of the work that I used to do manually when on a rig is now fully automated, a very different ball game. This is no more evident than in any areas which touch on safety and that means everything. In my day it was pen to paper on nominated areas, today through SJA’s – Safe Job Analysis – every aspect onboard is safety evaluated and recorded electronically. It was quite an eye-opener, but then it is more than four years since I moved to Denmark. It was a really nostalgic journey.

Sitting in the South Atlantic, believe it or not Deliverer was the closest of Maersk Drilling’s three rigs to Denmark but it is one which we are about to establish a closer relationship with through basing our new simulator on the ‘D Type’ rigs and from the crew coming to Svendborg for specialist training from the maritime guys in December and January.

from Anthony OladejiOil & Gas Instructor

Training is often seen as a vehicle on the

road to safety, but a recent innovatory course at Maersk Training Svendborg underlined that it contributes to reducing bottom line costs and creates the environment for personal and team progression opening up possibilities for company development.

West Africa is to Maersk Line one of the most exciting and fast developing regions in the world – so much so that they have a fleet of 22 commissioned and planned vessels especially designed for the purpose. The vessels are the first part of a progression which will see new ports serving new markets.

These key ports, in Ghana, Nigeria, The Congo, Togo amongst others, are being serviced or about to be by the

fleet of WAFMAX* vessels, the largest ships to enter their waters. The job of getting the vessels in and out while maintaining the schedule falls into the hands of one man, the local pilot.

In May MT in Svendborg hosted the initial pilots course especially for West Africa when two pilots from Ghana and four from Nigeria spent a week at desks and simulators preparing for the moment they would have to take the 249 metre long vessels in and out of port.

Ground BreakingFive months later one of the pilots broke new ground by safety taking Maersk Cunene out of Apapa in total darkness. The choice before the Master was to leave as normal in daylight, but without a huge number of much needed containers for the Far East, or for the pilot to attempt in real life the manoeuvre he’d previously only experienced in a simulated bridge at MOSAIC.

The pilot’s ability and new found skill with this one action alone saved Maersk Line an estimated US$100,000.

Observing the course in May was Stephan Martinussen, who as Head of Capacity Management for Maersk Line in Africa Liner Operations, was there to try and evaluate the training process. Already he has recognized that more has emerged from it than anticipated.

‘What we have observed in Nigeria in particular, in Apapa, is a different willingness to go onboard Maersk Line vessels from the pilots, not only the ones we had here for training but also on the other pilots because there has been so much attraction on this extra education for them. They now actually want to be taken into consideration for future training sessions so actually it is not a problem for us to get pilots anymore. You could argue that getting a pilot is fairly easy, but in some parts of

the world it can sometimes be a challenge,’ said Stephan on a recent visit to MT for a share and stare session – sharing what was learnt and staring at the created possibilities.

Multi-benefitsWhat was achieved on that Nigerian night went far beyond the dollars saved in bunkering.

‘If you look at it from the Maersk Line point of view then this supports two of our pillars, because the more skilled the pilot is, the more reliability of getting the pilot on time, means we can be in the next port on time and not damage the vessel on the way. And then there is the environmental performance since if your bunker consumption automatically goes down it means our CO2 emission will also go down, added Stephan.

The WAFMAX vessels are

already designed to be 30% more environmentally efficient, but their arrival in West Africa creates new demands on ports and their authorities. Although their length at 249m doesn’t appear to be an issue, channels need to be dredged to meet their wide berth and or draught, which opens up a whole new set of navigational issues. Many of these were exactly what were tried and tested on the MOSAIC simulators and it was in getting familiar with them that allowed the pilot to work that night. Up until that exercise there was a general unwillingness for vessels to have after dusk departures.

On the human side there were also tangible positives - when on the course in May the pilots said that what they liked about Maersk vessels is because they are kept to such a high standard, that they know when they ask for

something it will be there and working. Now much has been done to eradicate the one major misapprehension they had, the uncertainty of guiding such large craft in relatively confined space.

In a way the four pilots who were on the first course have become like modern-day missionaries – their colleagues are keen to follow in their footsteps and port authorities have been awoken to the possibilities and potential to their

Amongst the challenges is night navigation using leading lights. The simulators at MOSAIC allowed the lights to be put in place and then conducted the operation with the precise two knot current the pilots would have to face in real life. The simulators might also have a contribution to the development of future generations of WAFMAX.

$ 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 S a v e d i n O N E N i g h t !

Pilot Payback Time left: a bridge-eye view of a

WAFMAX* leaving Apapa, Nigeria* West African Maximum

newsorth ast est outh

Cairo Practice for SvendborgMaersk Training Svendborg has signed a contract to support the Egyptian Drilling Company with its training programme over the next three years. The move is a further step in establishing the MT brand and competences in the Middle East. It comes on the back of establishing a cooperative deal with Elcome in Dubai and according to MT Svendborg Sales and Marketing Manager Mikael Kofod, the recent events may be only the tip of the pyramid.

The Cairo-based EDC is half-owned by Maersk Drilling and despite having the greater part of its operations around land rigs, it has strong ties with the MT instruction team, many of whom started their careers drilling with the Egyptian company.

MT will train up the locally-based trainers to their own high specifications and will make available the vast amount of intellectual property they have at their disposal. They will also provide back-up whereby their instructors can contact MT’s drilling team if needed, but not limited to one 30 second call. A similar helpline has existed successfully for Maersk Supply Service for some time.

The project has taken a fairly long time to come to fruition. It began with a conversation at the opening of MOSAIC in September 2010, but things will greatly accelerate with the contract signing last month and training will start as soon as possible.

Initially the thought was that MT would come down and simply take over the training programme, but on investigation it was decided that it was better to re-establish EDC’s facilities starting afresh with MT knowhow and methodology. EDC were keen on the way Maersk Training doesn’t simply package small courses

together in order to fill a timeslot, rather the MT way is to look at what needs to be learnt and then build the course programme up from that aspect by interlinking topics to secure a more fulfilled learning experience. Only local trainers who have been trained and approved by MT will be allowed to conduct courses using MT manuals and programmes.

‘We are really delighted to have signed this with EDC – due to commitments it took a while, but we think both parties are going to benefit enormously from the deal. We intend to work towards this being not just a three-year deal, but a long term relationship which further cements our growing commitment to providing training when and where it is needed, in this case the Middle East,’ says Mikael.

newsorth ast est outh

Dates From Bahrain

A regional course calendar for the Middle East concentrating on the exploration industry has been launched through MT Svendborg. The calendar will outline the courses available at Maersk Training in Bahrain for the next three months and succeeding quarterly periods. The courses cover:• Drilling Calculations• Well Cap 1 – IADC• Well Control – Subsea & Surface

BOP• Well Intervention• Rigging and Slinging• Stuck-pipe Prevention And are supported by courses from the People Skills Department, Communication Across Cultures and Rig Crew Resource Management.

The calendar is regularly updated and the link has been distributed to clients in the region. It will also appear here in each issue, listed on our contacts page.

Maersk Training Svendborg was one of eight companies to receive a diploma from the Danish Maritime Foundation to mark work in areas supported by the Foundation. Maritime Chief Instructor Søren Rossé Segel (centre second row) received the diploma from the Minister for Commerce and Growth, Ole Sohn at a ceremony in the Danish Parliament, Christiansborg.

MT received its award for its work in safety at sea with particular emphasis on Maritime Crisis Management. The Foundation has awarded 230 million dollars over the past six years to companies which support maritime safety, education and training, environmental conditions and operational excellence.

APMT Mumbai has become the first terminal to be granted the MT Training Standards Certificate as part of the ReQuip programme – they received 85/100, setting the benchmark for the programme. The ReQuip programme has been established in order to generate a universally high training standard in terminals, one which is

measurable and maintained with bi-annual inspections directly by Maersk Training Crane Operations. The Mumbai inspection in November was followed by a second Indian terminal APMT Pipavav being scrutinized by MT chief instructor Johan Van Berkel. It also passed but not by such a handsome margin.

Certificate Given

Diploma Gained

The class of fifteen was made up of twelve nationalities, the teacher in

front of them, Mithila Nalawade from Mumbai, made it thirteen – surely the task in front of her was linguistically daunting, a minefield of potential misunderstanding?

But no, because the language of the FACT RTP course, was uniquely its own, a collection of acronyms and processes. (FACT being short for Finance Accounting Container Transportation and RTP Requisition To Pay). Of course they needed to be delivered in one tongue, in this case English, but as Mithila explained the nature of the subject matter allowed everyone to get on the same page quite quickly. ‘I’ve been doing this for a few years now and fully appreciate how different cultures take information on board in different

ways. The Chinese for example, because their language is pictorial, work better with graphs and illustrations. When it comes to communicating you learn to adjust your speed of delivery, slow and clear and always asking questions to check if the message is getting across.’

United Nations

So in front of her were two Russians, two Chinese, two Danes and participants from Ethiopia, Sweden, Holland, Latvia, the Ivory Coast, South Korea, the Czech Republic, Singapore and the one person for whom English was their first language, South African Shamila. They’d been at MT Svendborg already for four of the five days of the course, instructor Mithila was just one more course away from completing this particular FACT training programme.

She is no stranger to Svendborg, this being her fifth visit, ‘the first was as a student on a FACT course but now I’m part of the training team based in India but travelling the world.’

The student who travelled the furthest to be on the course was Andrey Sulla whose twenty colleagues were sitting ten time zones away in Vladivostok.

‘It is very good for me to be here, not just for me but for my colleagues back home – we are isolated, I have a colleague here from our head office but that’s in St Petersburg on the other side of Russia so what is so good about a class full of different nationalities is that it is a chance for me to see how other offices work. St Petersburg is seven time zones away, Korea and Japan are closer so it is good to see how they work.’

In a question and answer warm-up session as an outsider it was interesting to see the different ways different cultures responded but to Andrey, Russian Far East Operations Manager, English was not a problem – ‘FACT is its own language, a collection of terminology and symbols, so we can easily understand what is meant.’

Andrey’s 16,000km journey not just to Denmark but to Svendborg had one unforgettable highlight for him. It was not on the course but downtown. ‘It was exciting to be standing outside Villa Anna, the very heart of the Maersk organisation. I asked the taxi driver “why no museum?”.’

One United Tongue - that’s a FACT

Now the page you have all been waiting for – the

chance to win an iPad. You will have noticed that we’ve dotted a few flags about the place since this is quiet an international issue. So how well do you know your flags, or rather the flags of other countries?

We’ve put six flags here, the initial letter of the country will help you build a word, or acronym, which is much used here at Maersk Training Svendborg.

Identify the countries, click on the link, fill in the word and we’ll pop you into the box and pick out a winner to start the New Year with the gift you most wanted at Christmas, but didn’t get.

Good luck!

The countries represented come from Europe, the Americas and the Mid East - when you’ve worked out the word/acronym click here, enter the name, your name and we’ll contact you if you pop-out of the hat.

Winan

iPad!

B i g g e r B e t t e r A b e r d e e n

The Major Emergency Management facilities at Maersk Training Aberdeen

have just been upgraded and are already being used by some of the main drilling contractors who operate in the North Sea arena.

The facility is now housed in three rooms, one for the participants, one for the training team and one for the assessor. Apart from

more space they have added the latest PISYS simulator complete with semi and jack-up models, and more audio visual equipment.

The OPITO desktop review has been completed and as we publish this eSea they will be having the physical audit. On approval MT Aberdeen will be only the second UK training facility to be accredited by OPITO for Major Emergency Management – Initial Response courses.

MARITIME

Anchor Handling Simulation13-17 February16-20 April

DP Basic13-17 February19-23 March

DP Advanced Superior30 January-3 February

DP Intro and Technical9-13 January 6-10 February5-9 March16-20 April

DP Sea Time Reduction23-27 January26-30 March

Bridge Resource Management16-20 January (UK)5-9 March (UK)16-20 April (UK)

Bridge Team Management8-10 February14-16 March18-20 April

ECDIS9-11 January (UK)15-17 February20-22 February (UK)19-21 March (UK)10-12 April23-25 April (UK)

OIL & GAS

Drill Through Equipment12-16 March

Drilling Calculation13-17 February23-27 April

Drilling Technology 130 January-3 February12-16 March

Drilling Technology 220-24 February23-27 April

Intro to Drilling29 January-2 February30 April-2 May

Well Control9-13 January23-27 January6-10 February20-24 February5-9 March26-30 March16-20 April

Open Courses e a r l y p a r t o f 2 0 1 2

OIL & GAS

Drill Through Equipment12-16 March

Drilling Calculation13-17 February23-27 April

Drilling Technology 130 January-3 February12-16 March

Drilling Technology 220-24 February23-27 April

Intro to Drilling29 January-2 February30 April-2 May

Well Control9-13 January23-27 January6-10 February20-24 February5-9 March26-30 March16-20 April

SAFETY & SECURITY

§16 Working Environment11-13 January8-10 February7-9 March2-4 April

DML incl. §1630 January-2 February27 February-1 March19-22 March10-13 April

Surviving Piracy and Robbery (SPAR)16-18 January13-15 February27-29 February12-14 March26-28 March

Open Courses

To find more details or make a booking click on course title for easy access to

relevant page on website

contactcontributors or those behind eSea

Mikael Kofod mfk010Richard Lightbody rli039Anja Jensen afj012Anthony Oladeji aoo007Tonny Moeller tmm001

To get access to a backcopy click on button or use QR code

to receive or to decline eSea Camilla Støchkel cst020 all these addresses are @maersktraining.com

The Middle East Course Calendar is a click or QR code away

1976 Montreal - Nadia Comăneci, perfect 10 1984 Sarajevo - Torvill and Dean, perfect 6 2011 Dubai - Lars Bo Knudsen, near perfect 5

Humbleness is a quality we value at MT but when you get it so close to perfection on the first course in a new location we believe it is something

worth mentioning. Lars Bo carried out the initial DP course at Maersk Training Elcome and only a minor dip in one section saw him fail to gain perfect fives for the entire course. We’ve had perfect fives before, but from somebody who has just got off a plane and was in a totally new teaching environment, this was special.

Deliverer visits, Deliverer crew training, Delivering change. Not Delivering.

Change is not always for the better. Look along your mantelpiece, count the cards this year. Not as many as last, a fraction of what you saw when you were a kid. In the days before computers and text messaging when the greetings card was just that, the postman had to come twice. From January 1 in Denmark he’s not going to come at all, or at least, not going to go the whole way.

In the name of efficiency, under the guise of progress, the mailbox is moving towards the mailman - the value of real mail devalued. No longer will you hear the sound of Postman Pat or Per’s feet – indeed in the future you may not know what he looks like let alone know his name. Your dog will grow fat, silent and lazy. Then if you are sent anything bigger than a DVD, you’ll get a card inviting you to pick it up yourself from the post office, at your inconvenience. Failing that you can pay for a downtown deposit box, have a key and 24 hour access. All in the name of efficiency, but for whom?

From the first day of the New Year Denmark adopts the US system of postboxes placed on the street-side perimeter of your property; our newspaper boy was ahead

of the game and in the summer started to toss us our paper without leaving his saddle – sadly it was a futile gesture since he failed to notice that our house is set back 120 metres from the road. A least he wrapped it in a plastic bag, but his aim was not great and three Sunday summer editions only emerged after the autumn leaves had blown away. Frustrated we’ve since cancelled the papers and fear much the same will happen with the mail system.

It’s a system that has turned on its head. In Denmark you can now buy a stampcode via your mobile, write it on the package, post it in one of the nice iconic red boxes and then its up to the recipient to go the post office to pick it up. Didn’t it used to work the other way round?

In this electronic age people joke that they will also send something by ‘snail mail’. With the advent of the exposed mail boxes we will have to get used to something called ‘slug mail’ – it’s much the same as snail, only wetter.

That’s the problem, not with mail boxes, but whoever fills them – like gluttons they don’t know when to stop. You go away for a couple of days and somebody sticks two kilos of free newspapers and advertising leaflets into the metal can, so much so

of the game and in the summer started to toss us our paper without leaving his saddle – sadly it was a futile gesture since he failed to notice that our house is set back 120 metres from the road. A least he wrapped it in a plastic bag, but his aim was not great and three Sunday summer editions only emerged after the autumn leaves had blown away. Frustrated we’ve since cancelled the papers and fear much the same will happen with the mail system.

It’s a system that has turned on its head. In Denmark you can now buy a stampcode via your mobile, write it on the package, post it in one of the nice iconic red boxes and then its up to the recipient to go the post office to pick it up. Didn’t it used to work the other way round?

In this electronic age people joke that they will also send something by ‘snail mail’. With the advent of the exposed mail boxes we will have to get used to something called ‘slug mail’ – it’s much the same as snail, only wetter.

That’s the problem, not with mail boxes, but whoever fills them – like gluttons they don’t know when to stop. You go away for a couple of days and somebody sticks two kilos of free newspapers and advertising leaflets into the metal can, so much so

that the flap lid can’t close properly. Along comes the postman with a real letter, somehow he manages to squeeze it in, but the damage is done, the wet air is sucked into the papers and from the papers into the envelope. The snail has become a slug and the only way to deal with it is to put it on a radiator for a couple of hours and peel it open when it is still moist and flexible, rather like removing wallpaper.

The natural progression of this is that real mail, including the Christmas card, will go the way of the holiday postcard, into electronic format and paper oblivion. The saddest aspect is effect on the lost generation, the elderly or those living alone for whom the sound of the flap of the mailbox on the door meant contact with the outside world.

Many many years ago when a Christmas card and stamp didn’t cost a small fortune but still had a value, I was left with two of each. Rather than wait a year I looked in the telephone directory and sent one from the first name in the book to the last, and vice versa. I expect the Aarons are still communicating with the Zoemanns and wondering how they ever met.

Never discount the power of real mail.

Poopdeckthe final word