ERM2 February

OPEN SUBMISSION CHAPBOOKReleased

WEDNESDAY.3.FEBRUARY.2010

THE EVERYDAY RESISTANCE MOVEMENT

OPEN SUBMISSION CHAPBOOK

Wednesday.3.February.2010

Who are the Everyday Resistance Movement?

We have spent many hours sat in front of screens doing nothing much at all. We have worked in insurance, we have shopped around for the best offer on an external hard drive and now we are ready to really start doing something. We have spent years watching tv in our homes when nothing is on. We have sat day after day laughing out of moral obligation whilst listening to other people’s choice of radio station in our offices and workplaces but now we must act. The erm offer an opportunity for anyone to be published in a monthly chap book in an effort to inspire and instill the value of creativity and for people to stop just consuming culture but actively make it themselves. The movement will produce a monthly broadside and chapbook to be distributed locally and online. We believe self expression and creativity can offer a small break from the rest of life, even if it is just for five minutes.

What is a chapbook?

Chapbook is a generic term to cover a genre of pocket-sized booklet. It includes many kinds of printed material such as pamphlets, political and religious tracts, nursery rhymes, poetry, folk tales, short stories, children’s literature and almanacs. The term is derived from a variety of peddler chapmen, who circulated such literature as part of their stock. It is printed in black and white because it’s cheaper.

The Everyday Resistance Movement

February 2010

A man in full business regalia waits alone at the traffic lights, shivering. Eamon Holmes and his wife stand in to present the Tuesday edition of This Morning. Wet from the rain a teenage boy holds onto a bus handle on a crowded 178 service, diluted hair gel running down his face until he can taste it in his mouth. Used up tissues have been washed through the pocket of many a trouser. The white of the Google home page is just a bit too bright. The rain has soaked through our shoes. Our socks are sodden. It is February, we have the common cold. Everything is a bit more of an effort. The recession is apparently over. Many have flocked to their local Boots store to celebrate, intentionally choosing items not part of the 3 for 2 meal deal for their lunch. Popstar to Operastar has reached a dramatic climax and the Apple iPad is here. People have begun to wear 3d spectacles in day to day life in attempt to make something very tired and predictable slightly more interesting. Still, an electrician waits on hold to be part of the car park catch phrase segment of Chris Moyles’ breakfast show. Moira’s damp coat hangs on the radiator. Anything we had for Christmas is now no longer new. Today I woke up and put on my 3d glasses. I walked to the kitchen and I poured my cereal in awe. It was as if I could actually reach out and touch what was happening in front of me. The 3d landscape of the downstairs toilet was breathtaking. Although vision was a little blurry at times in the shower, as I put my socks on I was sure this was a milestone moment. Admittedly after a day at work the 3d novelty had started to wane a little. The dialogue was very obvious, even tedious in places. Some scenes of the day also seemed to go on for an eternity without much happening at all and you could plot the arc of the story long before its duration. That said


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there were a few moments in the day when I just wanted to pump my fists in the air with joy, the opening of Windows Vista was one of these very moments. After lunch I had begun to take my new vision for granted but the transition I felt must have been similar from the leap people took when their lives went from black and white to colour. One of my generation can only imagine how strange the day was when the sky was first seen to be blue or the grass to be green instead of shades various of grey. Over the years of course we have seen the ushering in of digital, hd and now 3d in our daily lives, however, we are still waiting for a cure for the common cold.

Our eyes are aching

Heart Radio’s daytime playlist continues

Suddenly it is summer

Suddenly it is Christmas

This everyday resistance is:

For everyone who is slightly tired

For everyone who has lost track of today’s date

For everyone with disproportionately worn out shoe soles

For everyone who cannot quite remember why

For everyone who cannot quite remember how

To submit any writing, image, drawing or other piece to the third erm chapbook send to: [email protected]

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She met him on Myspace, he’s in a band. He’s got hair like Rod Stewart, wears them pointy shoes and sells guttering in town.

Rod Stewart used to be my favourite singer. She used to tell me to turn it off because she couldn’t stand his voice.

I can’t listen to Rod Stewart anymore these days.

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Monologue (Recorded 7.1.2009)

She left me then, Jane. I thought it was strange all that time she spent upstairs in the study. She said she was just catching up with old friends from school. She said Ashley was a girl’s name. Well it bloody is as far as I’m concerned. All that time I just let it go on. She met him on Myspace, he’s in a band. He’s got hair like Rod Stewart, wears them pointy shoes and sells guttering in town. I went up on the computer and found pictures of him in the bath. He was pouting. A grown man naked in the bath pouting. I felt sick to my stomach. I shut the window, went down stairs to Jane and for some reason I didn’t say a word. I sat next to her watching tv and she just carried on as usual. Every night from then though I would check the msn received documents file and browser history. Most of the time she had been careful to delete any incriminating evidence but sometimes she would slip up. I found his bands Myspace page and listened to their stuff. He had a new song called ‘Leave Him’ and in one of the photographs he had her jeans on. I knew they were hers because I bought them for her and she would never wear them because she said they were far too tight. The next few weeks I felt on the edge of my nerves all day. I couldn’t eat or sleep properly I was just constantly on tenterhooks. One night I was sat in the lounge, I heard Jane’s footsteps across the upstairs landing and then walking down the stairs, all the life drained out of me. She came down with bags, said she was leaving. I heard a horn beep from outside and he was there waiting in his car. Now I’ve seen her profile picture change from one of her in our front room to one of her with him. I tried my best not to look but it’s just human nature like rubber necking at a car crash. When she first left I pleaded with her like a baby to come back. She said he made her feel special and took her places to do exciting things. I told her I could do the same if she would let me but she just laughed. She said I was too comfortable and boring, then she breezed off saying she had

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to go because her lift was waiting. I moped around for weeks until I realised there was nothing I could do, then I got a black bag and filled it with all her stuff. Now she’s been leaving me messages on my voice mail and sending late night texts and emails. I hear her crying down the phone saying it was the biggest mistake of her life but still her profile shot is the same, pouting on his arm. I just don’t say anything to her now. Rod Stewart used to be my favourite singer but she always used to tell me to turn it off in the car because she couldn’t stand his voice. I can’t listen to Rod Stewart anymore. I got home drunk from the pub the other night and in a moment of weakness I went on her Myspace page. She had Rod Stewart, ‘Baby Jane’ as her profile song.


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John BobbinsMiriam (The Luck of a Bald Man)

Performed to the tune of Mandy by Barry Manilow

I remember all my life Raining down as cold as ice A shadow of a man In the Spa shop window Crying in the night The night going into

Morning, just another day Happy people pass my way Looking in their eyes I see a memory I never realized You made me so happy, Oh Miriam

Well you came and you gave without taking and you told me your name, Oh MiriamI made you a cuppa and we got talking I thank you today, Oh Miriam

I’m standing on the edge of time Now Tesco Metro shuts at nine I’m caught up in a world of uphill climbing

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The tears are in my mind And nothing is rhyming, Oh Miriam

Well you came and you gave without taking And you told me your name, Oh MiriamThe graze on your knee was really quite nasty I hope it’s better today, Oh Miriam

Yesterday’s a dream I face the morning Spraying on Febreze The office is calling, Oh Miriam

Well you came and you gave without taking And I sort of knew your face, Oh Miriam You told me to get back to something creative And I’m doing it today, Oh Miriam


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An attempt to make something tired and predictable slightly more interesting.

Today I woke up and put on my new 3d glasses. I walked to the kitchen and poured my cereal in awe. The 3d landscape of the downstairs toilet was simply breathtaking. Admittedly after a long day at work the novelty had started to wane a little. The dialogue was very obvious and even tedious in places. Some scenes of the day seemed to go on for an eternity without much happening at all and you could plot the arc of the story long before its duration.


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Derivative Comedian, Personality and Blogger Arlo Wiggins

Bo Selecta! Hello Birmingham! How are we doing tonight? I tell you what I love Birmingham it’s great isn’t it? No, no it’s not is it. No, only joking it’s a lovely place to drive through. I love Birmingham, not a lot but I do. That’s a bit of Paul Daniels for you. Do you know what Birmingham reminds me of? Jasper Carrot. Did you hear his joke about Birmingham City fans this year? He said that you could tell a Birmingham City fan because they smell of creosote. You know because they are doing well this year. But I tell you when I’m in Birmingham I have a really great time or a ‘bostin tiyum’ as Lenny Henry would say. Last night I was out partying at Snobs, you know Snobs don’t you? Do you know I was in there and I saw a man in a suit and a tie and he was dancing just like David Brent. You know that bit in ‘The Office’ that is really funny when he does a funny dance for charity? No don’t make me show you, I won’t, oh well go on then. It is a really funny show. That other guy Karl Pilkington is funny also isn’t he, you know when he said, “I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff”, that was funny wasn’t it? I don’t know how he comes up with it.

Featured with kind permission from ‘Arlo Wiggins’ Copy and Paste Comedy Blog’

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“John”, Paul Simon said, “Your name doesn’t

even show up on a Google search. If you

want to do anything these days you have to

build a web presence.”

“Paul”, I said, “Stop stealing my Wi-Fi

connection, I know it’s you. Every time our

connection goes slow I can hear you playing

Ladysmith Black Mambazo on your Spotify

next door.”

He said, “If you’ve got such a big problem

with it why don’t you make it a security-

enabled connection with a password?’”

“Because”, I said “it’s a broadband black spot

Paul and I promised Garfunkle he could

tap in to our connection in off peak hours

whilst he is saving up to go fibre optic.”


Rick MarollPatrick Kielty

I think I may have missed the pointof the last series of Ashes to AshesI was just looking at the sceneryand I missed twenty years of something

Oh darling please may you ignore meThe night is upon isThe night will become usOh darling please may you ignore me

I was sitting alone in the front roomI missed the sun on my faceI watched Patrick Kielty and ignored the moonOh but what did he replace?

Oh darling please may you ignore mePut a bag upon my headGive your eyeballs a restOh darling please may you ignore me

He always says give it upYou watchEach and every time

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Q: I am not sure I can remember the last

time I felt truly awake and functioning.

Falling asleep without turning the computer

off seems to affect my physical state quite

a bit. I wake up and my head is aching. I sit

on the toilet and my head is aching. I stand

motionless in the shower and my head is

still aching. I am at my desk and I cannot

believe I am actually eating my breakfast.

Sometimes I am truly amazed it is real life.

When was the last time you saw something

that was really real?

A: It was yesterday and it was an apple.

Answer supplied by Lynn Tolly Life Coach and Personal Trainer

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Monologue (Recorded 28.12.2009)

I met my husband to be online and we are going to get married this coming August. I’m really excited. I’ve got all my page boys ready, I’ve got there outfits I’ve got my bridesmaids and the invitations. I met our Rob on one of the match websites online, he described himself as ‘happy go lucky with a good sense of humour’ and that ticked the boxes with me. I think I said ‘petite blonde with a good sense of humour’ and he must have liked what he saw or read because I didn’t, neither of us had a photograph because I didn’t have a scanner at the time but I don’t know why our Rob didn’t have it. But we met up and we went to the cinema and it was lovely it was so romantic. He said, ‘I’ll hold a box of Roses so you can tell it’s me’. He didn’t have quite the physique that he said he would, and he had Cadbury’s Roses rather than flowers because he has quite bad hay fever . The pollen was quite high that day and by the time we went to the cinema his eyes were streaming. I can’t even remember what film we watched I was just full of nerves and excitement. Within about two weeks I thought this is the real thing I’m in love with this guy. I took him round to meet my family. He met my Mom, my dad and my step dad and I brought him to see my granddad and they he got on well. He’s ever so quiet but he made the odd joke and they laughed and it was such a relief. I was talking to my Granddad and Rob was playing on his iPhone and it felt like everyone they I love is in one room and that is just how I want it to be. I would definitely recommend the dating sites; I mean it’s got a lot more popular since we tried doing, there was a bit of a stigma back then. I remember at first maybe with me and Rob people saying, ’Oh is he a paedophile?’ or just stupid jokes. ‘Is he going to rape you? Don’t turn around,’ But it wouldn’t have been rape anyway because I was besotted with him. Just everything about

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Things are going to a bit tighter for the wedding than we would have hoped. We have already got our house to pay for we have got a mortgage on that. It’s a little house in Churchill that we are renting. I’ve got to cut down on the fag’s because they are really affecting me with my chest and I have had an operation on my throat. The main thing will be just to be healthy for the wedding. As I say the money is going to be tight but I’ve got my brother printing off the invite and he is designing them. My page boys are going to be wearing their school uniform for the New Year and the girls are going to be paying for their dresses, so we will manage. We are going to be keeping a blog for our honeymoon which we are going, I think we are going to head over to Tenerife, so you know it’s all technology and it’s all go.

E.R.M February Twitter

A Bono look alike from Tower Hamlets eats alone 11:58pm Feb 17th via web

Would you like an antiseptic throat lozenge? 12:46am Feb 11th via web

A default smile more out of politeness than anything else.12:21am Feb 11th via web

I will have the seven hour non direct coach ticket for �49 please. 8:49pm Feb 9th via web

What has Danni Minogue done so far today? 11:41am Feb 9th via web

An old man walking down the road kicking an empty coke can. 11:33am Feb 9th via web

A passing comment from Richard Hammond to James May accompanied by their respective haircut and shirt. 5:47am Feb 6th via web

Every day he takes a spoon from his desk drawer, a yoghurt from his bag, eats it, then licks the spoon & puts it back in the drawer for tomorrow. 4:08pm Feb 6th via web

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List of Contributors:

John BobbinsTristen Wankwimper and The Charity Wrist BandEbay Casio’s Checked Shirt Reunion PartyLynn TollyCraig StevensOphelia Sparrow

This is a call for submissions looking for anyone and everyone to contribute, of any age, especially the people who would not usually get the opportunity to do many creative activities. Show us your hidden talent and get involved.

To submit any writing, image, drawing, video, monologue, joke or other piece to the second erm chapbook send to: [email protected]

You can also follow us online at: twitter.com/DailyResistance/ [email protected]

THE DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS TO BE INCLUDED IN THE FIRST E.R.M. CHAPBOOK IS FEBRUARY 22ND 2010.

We look forward to hearing from you.

The Everyday Resistance Movement (We have spent a lot of time and effort doing things that many people may not care about)


ERM2 February

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