Enhancement Training for Facilitators

Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D., CFLE, Auburn University. AL Director, Center for Children, Youth, and FamiliesDept. of Human Development and Family Studies Alabama Cooperative Extension System

Lesson ONE - Families Today

Family ActivityGoal: To further develop the habit of talking as a family

Family ActivityYour job:Give complete instructions to adultExplain activity to be completed prior to children coming inExplain that the purpose of these activities is to make asking and listening to each other more of habitExplain that when their child(ren) join them they should beginExplain how they will physically arrange themselvesShow the Discussion guidelines and the questions that parents can use to guide the family discussion (have these either up on a slide, flipchart, or on a card you give to each parent)Explain that their family discussion is their private discussion. At the end you will ask for some general thoughts about the activity before finishing up the session for the night.

Discussion GuidelinesEveryone gets a turn to speakRespond with supportive commentsThats interesting I didnt know you thought that Im so glad you shared thatParents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask:Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your paper?After everyone shares, you can ask:Which was the easiest to answer?Which was the hardest to answer? Why?How do you feel about sharing your answers with us?Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this?

Family ActivityYour job:Walk around the room and assist with getting parents started, if needed. Continue doing this for 10-15 minutes. You are making yourself available if parents have questions; this is not for checking up on families discussions.After every family has had a reasonable amount of time to discuss, announce, Lets take another minute to finish our discussionsAfter a minute, invite everyones attention to you. Ask:Why was this a good activity? Did you learn anything new? You dont have to share anything specific maybe just something in general.How did this feel (to share information)? Is this something you do on a regular basis? When and where might you be able to continue to do this as a family?Complement families on their great work and attention in the session. Thank them for coming and tell them what to expect for next week.

LETS PRACTICE!

Discussion GuidelinesEveryone gets a turn to speakRespond with supportive commentsThats interesting I didnt know you thought that Im so glad you shared thatParents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask:Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your paper?After everyone shares, you can ask:Which was the easiest to answer?Which was the hardest to answer? Why?How do you feel about sharing your answers with us?Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this?

Lesson TWO - Changes

Child Lesson 2 objectives Understand changes as normative experiencesAwareness of feelings around changesUnderstand strategies for appropriate expressions of feelings; managing anger

The timeline Changes in my lifeFeelings Where Are They?Managing AngerLesson Summary

What are the differences in a stepfamily? Options:Mixed - Yours, Mine and OursKeep separateOne PotMoney in Stepfamilies

NegotiatingWhat kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable?What kinds of responses make a conflict worse?What helps people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of view?What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well?Are there things youve done that have made conflict worse?What would you do differently now?

Skills for negotiating What should you talk about?Stepfamily Decisions (worksheet)Money in Stepfamilies

Other considerationsMay be cultural norms about the handling of money (lesson 2)Some stepparents adopt stepchildren (lesson 2)A law professional can assist with the legal segment (establish timeframe ahead of time) (lesson 2)Can reduce the # of items on Expectations worksheet completed in class (lesson 2)

Other considerations

Some parents have difficulty hearing their childrens responses in Changes in my life

Could switch Lesson 2 and Lesson 3 family activity

Lesson THREE - Where are you coming from?

Shared MeaningWe interact around Symbols and developSHARED MEANING with expected behaviors.

Ideas for symbols to use with kids?Ideal number to use?

Expectations

Give Love Communicate Skillfully Have A Plan Be Consistent Show Respect Make Time Be Patient Learn About Child DevelopmentParents Need To:

The parent has a role in social/emotional development!

Parenting Styles:Levels of warmth and control in the parent/child relationship create different styles

Parenting Styles

High CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting Styles

DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low Warmth

Influenced by family of origin and contextual factors Can vary for different children Can vary for one parent-child dyadSituational factorsType of misbehavior General parenting style can predict outcomes for kidsParenting Styles

Supportive StepparentHigh CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting Styles

DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low Warmth

Supportive StepparentHigh CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting Styles

DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low Warmth

Stepparent as Dem ParentHigh CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting Styles

DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low Warmth

Root Word : Disciple = Learner

DISCIPLINE IS GUIDANCE THAT DEVELOPS SELF-CONTROLThrough: Instruction Providing Guidance Role Modeling Offering Choices/Use of ConsequencesDiscipline

Notice when your child is behaving well! Control the situation; not the child or their emotions Think: What value or skill am I trying to teach? Why is the child misbehaving? Reactionary vs. Planned Have a plan! Control vs. Cooperation Engage your childs cooperation!Discipline Overview

Natural consequences Logical consequences Empower children: give choices; self-evaluate Sense of humor Pick your battlesTools of the Trade

1. Is spanking necessary for positive child outcomes?

2. Are there potential risks?Physical Punishment

Short Term vs. Long Term Reoccurrence:Spanking + Alternatives = Alternatives AloneWith Strong-Willed or Aggressive Children: Removal of Spankings = Less Incidences of MisbehaviorsDoes spanking work?

More likely its because of many other factors (warmth, limits, consistency, role-modeling, monitoring, etc.) Those who dont turn out well in most all cases were spanked! Do you care why child behaves?Internal vs. External ControlIs turning out well attributed to spanking?

ConsiderationsUse handout information most relevant to your groupInformation may be carried over to the next lesson or be a longer sessionStepparenting - What Works a key handout

Lesson FOUR

Children Lesson 4 objectives:Re-frame conflict as normativeUnderstand what conflict isUnderstand types of conflict Understand behaviors that escalate and de-escalate conflictUnderstand and develop appropriate responses to conflictual situationsUnderstand and develop skills in conflict resolution techniquesUnderstand that they have a part to play in their familys conflict level

ConsiderationsPoint out to children this lesson focuses on skills that are useful in families, even though you wont be talking specifically about families or stepfamilies.

Defining conflict activitytypes of conflict activity conflict resolutions chartNegotiation activity

NegotiationYOUR JOB:Divide into Group A, Group B, and JuryAssign or let them choose a topic; then assign or let them choose which side to present (pro or con)5 minutes to prepare case3 minutes to present case (at least 3 members)Jury writes notes and rates on:How clearly was the case presented? (1 not clear 5 very clear)What style of communication was used to present their case? (1 very negative 5 very positive)After both sides present; jury deliberates for 3 minutes and then provides feedback and ratings

NegotiationYOUR JOB:Instruct Group A and Group B to spend 5 minutes talking together. Find one or two points that you agree on or can compromise on.Jury observes discussion and takes notes and assigns ratings for each Group.How effective were the groups in finding common ground? (1 not effective 5 very effective)How did members of each Group communicate? (1 very negative 5 very positive).Jury presents their observations and ratings

Group DiscussionWhat kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable?What kinds of responses make a conflict worse?What helps people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of view?What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well?Are there things youve done that have made conflict worse?What would you do differently now?

Lesson FIVE - Communication Across Households

ConsiderationsRecognize that some do not have co-parenting relationshipsAcknowledge that some children may not have contact with their other parentEncourage children to be respectful when they read the list of needs/rights with their parentsChildrens rights can be changed to Childrens needs if you think it will be misunderstood

Caught in the Middle SS video

Childrens Bill of Rights

Lesson SIX - Building Family Strengths

All humans experience stress Stress affects you emotionally and physically Too much stress over time puts your health at riskManaging Stress

Outlook Skills: Changing your thinkingand attitude about stressorsI look at my stressors in a positive way.I dont get hung up on things that I have no control over.I use creativity, humor, and spiritual inspiration to improve my outlook.I truly believe that I am capable of managing my stress and will ultimately be successful.Outlook Skills

Self Care Skills: Building up your body towithstand long-term pressureI pay attention to my stress signs.I dont skip meals.I keep sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine to a minimum.I eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains every day.I drink 6-8 glasses of water a day.I limit or have eliminated the use of alcohol and tobacco products.I have received (or would get) help for substance abuse issues.I do 20 minutes of physical work or exercise 3 times a week.I have 20 minutes a day of quiet time.Self Care Skills

Lifestyle Management Skills: Managing your environment to promote stress managementI have relaxing place to go to.I have control over what Im involved in and can say no. I have control of the way I spend time and energy.I get rid of stressors that can be eliminated.I set goals and organize myself in a way to move towards achieving them.I schedule free time in my day for doing nothing.I notice stress and take action to manage it.Lifestyle Management Skills

Relationship Strategies: Working togetherWith your spouse, partner or other importantperson to manage stressWe make each other aware if we notice stress signs in each other.We talk together about how to manage stress.We have a supportive relationship; we are cheerleaders for each other.We talk in a supportive way with each other daily.We have a satisfying sexual relationship.

Relationship Strategies

Foods that help to manage stressProtein (meat, chicken, fish, eggs, nuts, cheese, yogurt, beans)Vitamin A (fruits, vegetables, fortified milk)Vitamin B (fish, meat, breads, cereals, whole wheat grains, green leafy vegetables, dried beans)Vitamin C (sweet fruits, juice, vegetables)Healthy Habits

Foods that do NOT help with stressCaffeineRefined sugarsStarches

Healthy Habits

Guided Relaxation

Are creative; flexible Are more honest Are better communicators less unrealistic; more practical Have shared perception/mutual agreement Have strong couple relationship Stepparent is secondary parent, with possible movement to parental status Are self-definedHave good communication across householdsWhat are your strengths?Successful Stepfamilies

Have Community SupportsSchoolsChurchesEducation and Counseling Opps

Successful Stepfamilies

Thank YOU for your work!!www.stepfamilies.info

Other considerationsPower point slides can be alteredAdditional statistics for Latino families (lesson 1)52% of Hispanic marriages end in divorce (compared to 48% for Whites and 63% for African Americans)Whites and Hispanic/Latinos more likely to remarry than African American (after 5 years 58% of Whites; 44% Hispanic/Latino and 32% of African AmericanOther movie clips can be substituted. Cultural relevance important.

Childrens Lesson:Things to ConsiderChildrens groups can be split by age5 and under childcare with an activity relevant to lessonRemember its not school. Allow children to have fun. Use management techniques to keep control.Icebreakers can be added.Wrap-up with hot potato activity

Facilitation SkillsAppropriate use and level of disclosure (Doherty, 1995 5 Levels of Involvement for Parent and Family Educators)Level 3 recommended information given, sharing of feelings and experiences, supportive and empatheticUse as illustration of a research-based teaching point rather than teach only with your personal story (education vs. advise/opinion)Avoid descriptions of intense situationsBe Brief! PreparationRead background againRead lesson again and make notes and/or highlight do not forget pointsMake copies, gather suppliesPrepare additional supports for your group discussions (additional slides or flipchart with questions/prompts)Arrive early arrange room, set up teaching aides and supplies

Facilitation SkillsAppropriate use and level of disclosureUse as illustration of a research-based teaching point rather than teach only with your personal story (education vs. advise/opinion)Avoid descriptions of intense situationsBe Brief! PreparationRead background againRead lesson again and make notes and/or highlight do not forget pointsRead corresponding adult or child lessonMake copies, gather suppliesPrepare additional supports for your group discussions (additional slides or flipchart with questions/prompts)Arrive early arrange room, set up teaching aides and suppliesFidelity to curriculum content and teaching points

What is the difference between a group facilitator and a teacher?What are your best facilitator skills and characteristics?

The Group Climate. Elements of Healthy Groups:Trust/confidentialityRapport and RespectEmpathyHealthy boundariesA sense of competence and value/worthA sense of belonging

Facilitator Concepts :Value/Behavior congruence making sure that what a leader advocates is consistent with their behaviorEmotional stimulation moderate level sharing is encouraged; greater chance of internalizing informationExecutive function held by facilitator; sets goals, directs flow, establishes guidelinesStrengths assumption an attitude; look for what is right; try to understand from their perspective; assume participants have knowledgeDo No Harm Awareness of and respect for differences. The provision of information without the prescription for behavior. Allowing a participant to stay within their comfort zone.

ChallengesThe monopolizer or discussion dominatorThe interrupterSide conversationsSilence of individual(s)Resistance to teaching pointsExpressing Intense Emotions or Too Much Information

ChallengesThe monopolizer or discussion dominatorWhat is it?Why does it occur?Enjoys a feeling of controlLikes attention and validationMay be enthusiasticSuggestions for facilitators:Avoid or limit eye contactMonitor your body language; more open to othersPost an agenda at the beginning so you can refer to progress of the sessionMonitor nonverbals of other group membersConsider whether this parent would benefit from one-on-one supportSay:Thank you for sharing. Does anyone else have an example or thought on this?What would you say is your bottom line message?I see that the most important point you are making is. (then move the discussion along).

Challenges2. The interrupterWhat is it?Why does it occur?May be self-focusedMay have less well-developed social skillsMay be eager or excitedSuggestions for facilitators:Gently interrupt the interrupter and encourage the other parent to continueSay:Could you hold onto that thought for a minute? I dont think Tom was finished. Id like to get back to Alicias comment. Alicia, do you have anything to add?

ChallengesSide conversationsWhat is it?Why does it occur?May be uncomfortable sharing with the larger groupMay have less well-developed social skillsMay not realize they can be heardSuggestions for facilitators:Address the possibility of this when setting up initial ground rules for groupUse silence to get everyones attentionSay:Excuse me. Im having trouble hearing Anthony.It sounds like you have some thoughts on this. Would you be wiling to share with all of us?Lets focus on one persons thoughts at a time.

Challenges4. Silence of individual(s)What is it?Why does it occur?May be shy or naturally quietMay be unaccustomed to group discussionsMay have been spouse-orderedMay be tiredMay be distracted by other issues in their livesSuggestions for facilitators:Watch nonverbals to see if you can determine the reasonConnect with these group members before and after the class to enhance their connectionAsk a quiet member to assist with a task related to an activityAsk group members to write down their thoughts first, then have a group discussionUse ice-breakers to warm up peopleSay:It seems there may be others who have some thoughts on this. Would anyone who hasnt shared, like to offer anything? [use good wait time]Lets have everyone turn to their partner and share their thoughts on this.

ChallengesResistance to teaching pointsWhat is it?Why does it occur?May feel criticized May be an issue between partnersSuggestions for facilitators:Nurture your relationship with this person to develop trustRepeat their point to show you are hearing and understanding their viewpoint. Then pose a question that assumes they can see another viewpoint, too.Dont personalize the resistance. This will show in your reaction.Use humor.Say:People can have different viewpoints based on their experiences. Can you envision why another person may have a different viewpoint.Research gives us information on what seems to be the case for most people, most of the time.If you tried this suggestion, what is the worst that could happen?What are your goals for your family? How might this suggestion help you towards those goals?

Challenges6. Expressing Intense Emotions or Too Much InformationWhat is it?Why does it occur?Unfamiliar with group education May feel safer in education group rather than seeking therapyMay not be tuned in to others responsesThey are experiencing a high level of distress or painSuggestions for facilitators:Clarify the purpose of the classPrivately, refer the couple for one-on-one helpMonitor other group members responses for signs of discomfortAcknowledge the strong feelings being expressedUniversalize the emotion to take the focus off one personSay:It must be very difficult to share that. These are difficult feelings that many couples/parents struggle with. Perhaps you and I can talk more at the break.That sounds very personal. Maybe this would be a good time to start our next activity and then you can share with each other as a couple/family.

Appreciation Cards

*.What are stepfamilies dealing with?One of the most important concepts for stepfamilies to utilize comes from the theory of Symbolic InteractionismIts okay if you havent taken a family science course only have to remember the name of the theory and one concept applies to every kind of human interaction especially stepfamilies: symbols, interaction, and shared meaningPass out symbols cross (large context); wedding ring)A symbol whose shared meaning is arrived at through interaction in context and prescribes a certain behavior - expect a certain response this is key;flag (smaller context) begin to lose shared meaningA song is a symbol true story gala event youve just danced to their national anthemStars (smaller context)Tiger sculpture weve not interacted about the meaning associated with this symbol my behavior if the house were on fire - Id have to share my meaning with you

How does this apply to stepfamilies?Words are symbols birthdays story with Patrick first birthdayA role is a symbol mother, father, daughter, son. We arrive at shared meaning of that role and the behaviors that are expected based on interactions over time.Almost always in a new stepfamily those roles are defined very differently by each member. We have no societal norms for the role of stepfather and stepmother especially. To the contrary what do you think of when I say stepmother? Expectations for behaviors are there and very negative. Stepfathers dont have it as bad they just really dont have anything to go on.Sharing perspectives; communicating expectations as early in the relationship as possible are key to stepfamily formation and successful stepfamily functioningThe clinical literature (Visher, Papernow) stresses the clash of individual and family histories and the need for understanding and empathizing with the other family members perspective:Implicit in the discussions are concepts from Symbolic Interactionism Understanding perceptions is important; working towards shared meaning in role negotiation. They suggest that it is important for family members to develop empathy for other family members. They should try to understand the others perspective.

************************List family strengths have each rate themselves on questionnaireInclude state of each relationship:CoupleCo-parentingSpouses co-parentingParent-childStepparent-stepchildStepsibling combinationsExtended family*

Community supports (teachers, churches, programs)May be necessary to educate others; seek out support particularly for the childrens sake:Advocate for the childrens family type and teach children to advocate for themselves

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