Enabling Evolution - Twelve Coaching Myths

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Are you interested in coaching but don’t know where to start? Interna7onal coach Danielle Marchant shares the top twelve myths that will stop you ge>ng started!

Choosing a coach


Life is becoming ever more complex. The more you achieve, the more you want, and the more you know is possible both at home and at work. Yet as the demands and rewards of life grow, it becomes increasingly necessary to have strong support structures around you that enable you to flourish. Those around you, your bosses, your peers, your family, and your friends are equally striving and surviving the modern era. Whilst they do their best to offer advice and a listening ear, all too oKen they need this as well. More and more people are turning to professionals to get the personal, individualised support that they need. As a result there are a myriad of mentors, counsellors, therapists and coaches offering a huge range of services. Making a decision can be overwhelming. In this short document I dispel the top twelve myths that may prevent you from ge>ng started with a coach. I hope that by reading this you will be informed and feel confident to go out and choose a coach who can help you to thrive.

Enjoy! Danielle x

Danielle’s coaching skills are excep2onal, she does her work with such humanity that I can trust her with anything. I have been on an incredible journey and I would not have succeeded without her support.

Jane Craig Custom Learning, Mars University


As a board level execu7ve coach Danielle has worked with leaders in twenty different countries, delivering large scale transforma7onal change programmes across mul7ple sectors. She was the MD of a successful interna7onal coaching company in Asia where she lived for three years. Danielle’s style is warm and engaging with a challenging edge. Within the coaching rela7onship she creates a safe environment and builds trust easily. Her natural talent of understanding what makes you who you are allows Danielle to quickly build rapport and work with you at both a prac7cal and emo7onal level. Danielle will coach you beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone, sensi7vely suppor7ng you to be daring. She will facilitate you to challenge and stretch yourself whilst connec7ng you to yourself more fully. Through deep listening, powerful ques7oning and thoughSul challenge she will help you gain clarity of purpose and vision, and support you to follow the steps needed to get there.

Danielle seems to have a 6th sense in her coaching which is very authen2c. I came out with a far deeper resolu2on to my enquiry than I expected, and felt more whole as a result of the understanding I gained.

Helen Sanderson Design Director, Quiet Room Designs


“I should be able to work

everything out myself”

~ Myth One ~

It certainly is possible to work many things out by yourself and having a coach does not mean that your capability, intelligence or ability to work things out are in ques7on. AKer all it is very likely you have reached this point in your life successfully without having a coach! That said, the way humans are designed means it is impossible to see yourself en7rely. Whilst you will see some aspects of yourself, or a new challenge or even a problem it is difficult to achieve a 360 degree view without help. Having a coach is like having a living mirror held up to you. The ques7ons your coach asks will allow you to generate greater insights than you could by yourself. Coaching by its design accelerates your ability to work things out by helping you see yourself and situa7ons more clearly. ~ Tip One~ Working with another person to explore what you cannot see is an insighSul process. It is also meant to be fun! When choosing your coach consider if they are someone who you would enjoy spending 7me with.


“I must have a problem before I

hire a coach”

~ Myth Two ~

On the contrary! Sports people have been using coaches for years to enhance brilliant performance to enable them to be champions. Whilst it is human nature to focus on weaknesses, coaching does not have to be about “fault fixing”. Coaching for peak performance is designed to help you understand what makes you shine and to leverage these strengths. The star7ng point for coaching therefore does not have to be a problem or an issue, but can be exploring something you excel in and want to extend even further. ~ Tip Two ~ When choosing your coach discuss with them how they will support you to uncover and enhance your areas of strength.


“I must know what I want to

achieve before I start”

~ Myth Three ~

You may have a nagging feeling about something, a vague sense that you want to explore, or a definite idea of something you wish to change. Whatever your star7ng point is OK! Not everyone who starts a coaching rela7onship does so with the end in mind, or with a clear picture of what they want to change. This is where your coach comes in! Your coach’s role is to help you understand the current landscape and in partnership with you explore your focus for your 7me together. OKen not knowing and having a blank canvas is far more fun than being really clear at the start. I oKen coach people who are amazed at how different the result was from the place they thought they were heading. ~ Tip Three ~ Stay curious and be relaxed with not knowing where you are going. Discuss with your coach the sense or feeling you have -‐ this will be enough for you to begin.


“I don’t have time for coaching”

~ Myth Four ~

Living in this genera7on, in this 7me affords you many great privileges. Your life is undoubtedly rich and full as a result of this. It is also likely that you feel squeezed and oKen overwhelmed to fit in your current commitments, desires and dreams. It is easy to think that coaching is just another thing to fit in, and that you really don’t have the 7me to do it. In fact this mindset is not uncommon. What gets missed is that coaching can help and support you to really connect you to your desires, help you focus on your goals and enable you to bring your dreams to reality. Viewed like that who wouldn’t want a coach! ~ Tip Four ~ When exploring coaching talk honestly to your coach about the 7me commitment that works for you. The structure of your coaching can be flexible -‐ ask for what you want.


“A good coach is a qualified

coach”

~ Myth Five ~

Sadly this is not always the case. Being qualified simply means that a person has done what is needed to fulfill certain criteria or standards. Whilst this can be useful it is not really what will make a great coach. I have recruited a hundred coaches around the globe and there are two things I always want to know. The first is what has been their journey to become a coach. The second is what do they stand for. What does this really mean? For me the journey is about their dedica7on and responsibility for their own personal growth and development. What have they done to support their emo7onal growth? Who is their coach or supervisor? What they stand for is about their purpose in life, their vision for themselves in the world and their connec7on to their values. I want to know who they are beyond their cer7fica7on and so should you! ~ Tip Five~ In your chemistry mee7ng go beyond the qualifica7on and explore what personal development has your coach completed. What supervision do they have, and what do they really stand for?


“I must meet my coach in person

to build trust”

~ Myth Six ~

Vulnerability builds trust and trust creates peak performance. It is easy to see why again and again if you ask someone what the cri7cal element of their coaching rela7onship was they will say trust. You may be the kind of person who trusts easily; alterna7vely you may be someone who believes trust is to be earned. Either way there is no ge>ng away from it, trust is crucial to successful coaching. As a result I hear people worldwide say again and again that they must meet their coach in person. Fundamentally this is not true. It is equally possible to build trust with a person on the telephone or via Skype. I have global clients in far flung corners of the world who I never meet. One client worked with me for over two years before we met. Trust and rapport are essen7al and a masterful coach will be able to partner you to create safety through mul7ple mediums. ~ Tip Six ~ If you have found a coach in a different geography to yours, don’t let this stop you have a remote chemistry mee7ng. Who knows your ins7nct could be leading you to just the right coach for you!


“A coach must have experience in my industry”

~ Myth Seven ~

If you want to select a mentor then industry or role experience would be essen7al as a mentor will need to bring this to the rela7onship. In coaching where you are partnering with another person to draw out new insights industry experience is not necessary. A coach’s role is to work with the individual on the areas and topics of their coach. As such a coach needs to be flexible, responsive and adaptable to whatever the client wants to discuss. That is their job! I believe people want to select coaches who have similar industry experience as it helps them believe that they are understood by their coach. A good coach will be able to understand you whatever their background or experience. ~ Tip Seven ~ Don’t be afraid to branch out when choosing a coach! Building a partnership where you bring two different backgrounds and industries can lead to really exci7ng and innova7ve coaching conversa7ons.


“I need to choose the right type of

coach”

~ Myth Eight ~

Above all else I believe it is essen7al for you to choose a coach who you feel connected with. There are many types of coaches available, execu7ve coaches, life coaches, career coaches, business coaches, wri7ng coaches the list is endless. When you are searching for a coach I would suggest you cast your net widely. Talk to friends who have had coaching, ask your peers about their experiences and spend some 7me on Google. At this stage having a list of “right” criteria such as: similar industry background, lives in your town, is senior to you or younger than you, male, female is really restric7ng. Instead let your ins7ncts guide you and then set up several chemistry mee7ngs. You won’t know if you connect un7l you have spoken to them either on the phone, on Skype or met in person. ~ Tip Eight ~ Coaches are used to being in a “pool” when people are choosing a new coach to work with. Be open and let them know you are talking to several people. This will make it easier for you to tell them if they weren’t the coach you decided to work with.


“I need to understand the science behind coaching first”

~ Myth Nine ~

Simply put coaching is a dialogue between two people. It isn’t any more complicated than that. Remember that your coach is a “living mirror” help you obtain a 360 degree view of yourself, a new challenge or a problem that you face. It is a partnership between two people where the coach will use their experience to help you draw out insights and new understanding. There isn’t a science behind the coaching process although some coaches may draw upon different methodologies such as Transac7onal Analysis, Neuro-‐Linguis7c Programme (NLP) or Cogni7ve Behavioural therapy (CBT) for instance, you won’t even no7ce that this is happening. For you the experience will be of a thought provoking, interes7ng, some7mes challenging conversa7on that stretches you to see and understand things differently. ~ Tip Nine ~ When choosing a new coach do ask them about their preferred methodology and what this means for the way in which you will work together.


“My family and friends can coach me”

~ Myth Ten ~

As a coach myself I tend to steer clear of coaching people who are very close to me! Generally speaking your friends and family are not the best people to coach you. They hold views, stories and perspec7ves about you that will colour or cloud the way they respond to you. Addi7onally they may have an agenda (consciously or unconsciously) that can unduly influence their posi7on. Having a coach gives you a completely safe, confiden7al space where you are free to discuss the important things in your life in a focused way. Remember coaching is designed to draw out insights and help you understand yourself or a situa7on more clearly. Unless they are a coach (in which case I suggest you set clear boundaries about the coaching process) most of your friends and family are unlikely to have honed the skills required to do this gracefully! ~ Tip Ten~ For clarity and objec7ve perspec7ves find a coach who is outside of your circle of friends and family.


“I am un-coachable”

~ Myth Eleven ~

This is a surprisingly big worry for a lot of people. In par7cular people who really want the coaching process to work and are afraid of le>ng their coach down or somehow failing with their coaching experience. In my view (and I have worked with hundreds of people) no-‐one is uncoachable and that includes you. You may be afraid or unsure but you are not uncoachable. It is a joint responsibility between you and your coach to build a partnership that enables the coaching process to be successful. Of course if you don’t turn up to your coaching sessions then you are going to be difficult to coach. Apart from that all that is needed is to show up and hold a degree of curiousity and interest in your session. The rest will take care of itself. ~ Tip Eleven~ Give yourself and coaching a chance -‐ you might surprise yourself!


“Coaching doesn’t work”

~ Myth Twelve ~

The American Society for Training and Development states that: The probability of achieving a goal is: 10% if you hear an idea 40% if you decide you will do it 50% if you make a plan to do it 65% if you commit to someone else you will do it 95% if you have a specific accountability appointment with the person you have commi9ed to. ~ Tip Twelve ~ Get a coach and enjoy the journey!


Danielle is an intui7ve coach and has been working with individuals, organisa7ons and coaches around the world for nearly twenty years. Her talent lies in helping you connect more deeply with your life purpose. Danielle provides an oasis of calm in an ever increasingly fast-‐paced world. She offers a place for you to be s7ll, to dream and to create. Danielle is passionate about helping you restore your rela7onship to yourself and others. She believes that coaching is a unique and in7mate journey that you take with yourself, the des7na7on unknown. She works using her intui7on, feelings and felt sense rather than goals, models and theories. She helps you to explore your inner world as you weave an in7mate pathway back to your deeper self.

I've had many coaches over the years, both business and personal and I can say Danielle is one of the most professional, present, giving and nurturing coaches I've ever worked with.

Russell James

Owner, The Raw Chef

www.enablingevolution.com

Enabling Evolution - Twelve Coaching Myths

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