Emotional Vampires at Work and at Home

How to Cope With People Who Drain You

RECOGNIZE WHO IS THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE AND HOW THEY THINK

APPLY PRINCIPLES OF PSYCHOLOGY TO RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCES IN

EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

CONSTRUCT NEW WAYS TO TRANSFORM RELATIONSHIPS THAT DRAIN YOU

Objectives

5 Types Emotional Vampires

Lurking everywhereWear many different

disguisesCould be needy

relatives to workplace bullies

Stood up by a friend?Let down by your

sister?Thrown for a loop by

your coworker?Zap our energy

The NarcissistThe VictimThe ControllerThe CriticizerThe Splitter (Orloff)

Characteristics Self Defense Tips

GrandioseSelf-importantAttention hoggingHungry for admirationOften charming and

intelligent-until her guru status is threatened

Me “FIRST” attitude

Enjoy her good qualities

Keep expectations realistic

To get cooperation, show how your request satisfies her self-interest

Getting angry or stating your needs will not phase her

Vampire Number 1: The Narcisist

Characteristics Self Defense Tips

This vampire thinks that the world is against him

Demands that others rescue him

Don’t be his therapist

Don’t tell him to buck up

Limit your interactions

Don’t get involved in his self-pity

Vampire Number 2: The Victim

CharacteristicsSelf Defense Tips

Has an opinion about everything

Thinks he knows what is best for you

Has a rigid sense of right and wrong

Needs to dominate

Speak up and be confident

Don’t get caught up in bickering about the small stuff

Assert your needs Agree to disagree

Vampire Number 3: The Controller

Characteristics Self Defense Tips

Feels qualified to judge you

Belittle youBolster her own

ego by making you feel small and ashamed

Don’t take anything personally

Address misplaced criticism directly

Don’t get defensiveExpress appreciation

for what is usefulBounce back with a

massive dose of loving-kindness

Vampire Number 4: The Criticizer

Characteristics Self Defense Tips

May treat you like her BFF one day, then mercilessly attack you on the next day when she feels wronged

Often a threatening rageaholic who revels in keeping others on an emotional roller-coaster

Establish boundaries and know your capacity

Be solution-orientedAvoid skirmishesRefuse to take sidesAvoid eye contact if she is

raging at youVisualize a protective

shield around you when you are being emotionally attacked

Vampire Number 5: The Splitter

Emotional Vampires

Not just difficult peopleAre said to be people

who “drain” your “life force”

All “take” and “no give”Drain your energies

through relentless demands

Take advantage of youNot necessarily “bad”

people

IDENTIFY WHEN SOMEONE IS BEHAVING

IN A WAY THAT UNDERMINES YOUR

ENERGY OR EXPLOITS YOU WHILE FULFILLING THEIR OWN NEEDS. W I K I H O W

What to Do?

Know Yourself

Find powerful ways to resist

Find other ways to shield yourself from the psychic connection with this person

Don't believe that this person has a right to control your life

Be responsible for yourself

References

Bernstein, A. J., (2013). Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You. New York: McGraw Hill

Bernstein, A. J., (2013). Psychology That Works: How to Protect Yourself. Retrieved on February 17,2015 from http://www.albernstein.com/id62.htm

Borchard, T. (2009). 5 Emotional Vampires and How to Combat Them. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 13, 2015, Retrieved on February 17, 2015,

from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/10/27/5-emotional-vampires-and- how-to-combat-them/

Orloff, J. (2009). Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. New York: Harmony Books.

Krause-Whitbourne, S. (2015). 5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control. Retrieved on February 17, 2015 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control.

Beck, M., (2008). Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny. Rodale: New York.