Emotional Intelligence Training

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Emotional Intelligence Training

Transcript of Emotional Intelligence Training

  • 1. EmotionalIntelligenceTrainingEmotional intelligence is a synthesis of business and psychology focused on achieving peaklevels of performance. Effectively applying this multidisciplinary tool requires the ability totrain adult learners in both areas. This begins with an effective working knowledge ofemotional intelligence. One size does not fit all. To generate peak performance, expertise isrequired in a repertoire of assessment tools, training design, results evaluation and coachingskills.With a mastery of EI core skills, the needs of the organization and individual need to becarefully assessed. Professionalism must be exercised in the selection, application andevaluation of tools and test results. With this information in hand, needs and wants can beappropriately matched with objectives, learning styles and training design.Participative, active learning is crucial. Development is based on a partnership where theorganization, facilitator, and learner are all engaged to promote a set of targeted goals.When everyone is involved, there is a sense of enthusiasm and energy that generates self-fulfilling positive expectations. Learner readiness creates motivation and an excitement togrow.Training itself demands emotional intelligence. It is a dynamic relationship that focusescommunication on SMART (specific; measurable; achievable, relevant, time-based)objectives. With a pre-determined, well developed course, active participation is structuredinto well ordered, manageable steps. As the training continues, feedback needs to beconsistent with an on-going emphasis on positive growth. Support systems should engagelearning in visual, auditory and kinaesthetic modes. Realistic expectations should bedeveloped for practical application of materials to real life situations.Once the training experience is completed, commit to active assessment. Capitalize on whatwent right and correct the areas that can be improved. Be certain to foster a professionalenvironment that contributes to and reinforces emotional intelligence. Positive change issustained when the improvements are supported and encouraged.The final elements lie in continuity. Learning needs to be a constant. Development is not aone-time event. Coaching, on the job application and reinforcement set the tone for long-term, sustainable success.The Empathy PrincipleEmpathya deep appreciation for anothers situation and point of viewEmpathya deep appreciation for anothers situation and point of viewis the basis for thegolden rule, and our intrinsic sense of justice. Having empathy but not acting from empathyleads to guilt.Definitions: A respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.
  • 2. Judging others by their own standards. Sensing others feelings and perspective, and taking an active interest in their concerns. Wanting the best for all others, unconditionally, Sharing anothers perspective and specific distress. Entering the private perceptual world of another and becoming thoroughly at home in it. The capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person. Having a similar emotional state to another as a result of the accurate perception of the others situation or predicament. Understanding and entering into another persons feelings. Understanding and concern. Changing places in fancy with the sufferer. feeling into I feel you in me A point of view that emphasizes the symmetry between you and the other. Empathy is other-awareness, symmetrical with self-awareness. True empathy requires us to care about the person in pain.Origins of EmpathyThe ability to sense anothers distress is an important survival skill. The danger distressingyour companion may also be a threat to you. It is wise to heed the others early warning ordanger. As a result, it is human nature to dislike seeing or hearing anothers distress. Thisbasic skill of sensing how another feels is generalized into a broader sense of empathy.Studies show that empathy develops very early in human children, even before theydevelop language skills. Empathy also contributes to our ability to recognize the mentalstate of others, and to take on their perspective. Knowing what others know is a distinctadvantage.The warmth of empathy balances the safety of distrust and xenophobia; the origin of hate.Forms of EmpathyEmpathy can be experienced in a variety of forms, such as [Ekm]:cognitive empathywe recognize what another person is feeling,emotional empathywe actually feel what the person is feeling,compassionate empathywe want to help the person deal with their situation andemotions.Related TermsSympathy, rapport, caring, compassion, and concern are similar, but not identical toempathy. Apathy and egocentricity are opposites of empathy. Apathy describes not caringand egocentricity describes caring only about you.Empathy is ActionEmpathy begins with awareness, understanding, feeling, caring, perceiving a similarity ofexperience, and compassion. But the difficult part of empathy is taking action that trulyhelps another.
  • 3. Increasing EmpathyEmpathy is inherent in most people, and certain activities can increase empathy, or at leastcooperation, between people. One key to empathy is to understand suffering, first in you,then in others. In the well documented Robbers Cave experiment two groups of 11-12year old boys were formed. Planned activities created cohesiveness within each group andcompetition between the two groups. What was later found to promote cooperationbetween the groups was to engage in activities that required them to work together toserve their own interests. This included working together to unblock a water line and fix abroken truck.Feeling Empathy for a JerkWe all know people who are: annoying, disagreeable, selfish, bigoted, irresponsible,deceitful, untrustworthy, arrogant, stubborn, ignorant, spiteful, mean spirited, boisterous,crude, boring, needy, intrusive, embarrassing to be around, and generally difficult to like.How can you have empathy for such people? The answer is that you dont have to likesomeone to want the best for them. You may feel sad they are so anguished and you canwant them to: become more aware of how they annoy others, take steps to improvethemselves, become more responsible, care more for others, and take other steps tobecome more satisfied and peaceful.Empathy and ResponsibilityWhen someone falls on hard times, our response often depends on a judgment about theirown responsibility for the problems they are facing. If we believe their difficulties are theirown fault, we typically regard them with contempt. If we believe the problems wereunavoidable, then we regard them with compassion and empathy. This judgment is difficultto make accurately. Work to consider all the evidence, from their point of view whileavoiding distortions, before making a judgment.Acting with empathy can be very difficult. Here is an example of a situation where it may bedifficult to know what is the right thing to do:Bill receives a modest check each Friday. He quickly spends it on tobacco, alcohol, andgambling. By Monday he is getting hungry and asks you to lend him $50 for food. What isthe empathic response?Follow these general steps for acting with empathy: Preserve dignity and avoid humiliation. Engage in a dialogue to understand his point of view and to determine his specific needs. Throughout the dialogue keep in mind: You can change some things but not others, What he asks for may not be what he needs. Continue the dialogue until you both understand his needs. Help to balance his impulses for immediate pleasures with opportunities for longer term gratification and authentic happiness.Every person always has needs for autonomy, competency, and relatedness but is unlikelyto express these. This may lead to ambivalence about change.Provide assistance to meet his needs to the extent you are willing and able to. Keep in mind:
  • 4. You are responsible for your choices and actions. He is responsible for his choices and actions. You can change some things but not others.After dialoguing with Bill, you understand his most urgent need is for food. You alsounderstand his needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness, although these were notdiscussed in depth in these terms. You agree to go shopping and buy him a loaf of bread anda jar of peanut butter. He declines your offer to buy him a bottle of carrot juice and youdecline his request to buy him a six-pack of beer. This meets his need for food, and balanceshis needs for autonomy and relatedness.Next week follows the same pattern and on Monday Bill again approaches you to ask forfood. You consider several alternative responses: Refuse to help, explaining that you helped him last week and if he didnt learn his lesson, youre not going to continue, Lecture him on the virtues of temperance, Sever the relationship by blaming him and shunning him, Buy him a loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter, the same as last week, Agree to buy him food this week if he promises to pay you back on Friday. Agree to buy him food this week if he promises to let you to manage half of his income each week for him. Under this agreement you hold money for him and release it for specific purchases you both agree are beneficial.After an extended and sometimes tense dialogue the two of you agree that the plan to helpBill manage his money provides the best balance between his needs for food, autonomy,competence, and relatedness. After several months, Bill is now eating better and drinking abit less. He seems more open to getting counselling.The Golden Rule Secular EthicsThe Golden Rule Treat others as you want to be treated paraphrased from a wide varietyof sources begins to provide a model for acting with empathy. Perhaps a more accuratemodel is given by the platinum rule: Treat others as they want to be treated. The principleof empathy may be sufficient to develop a complete and socially valuable code of ethics.Various organizations have developed codes of ethics based primarily on the principle ofempathy. Here are some examples: The United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social WorkersQuotations: Dont just do something, stand there. It is more important to define yourself by who you include than by who you exclude. ~ from the movie Chocolate It is more considerate to interrupt the speaker than to pretend to listen. See yourself in others, then who can you hurt? What harm can you do? ~ The Buddha
  • 5. EIQ Emotional IntelligenceFor many years, we have been led to believe that a persons intellectual intelligence(Measured as IQ, or intelligence quotient) is the greatest predictor of success.Society assumes that people with high IQs will naturally accomplish more in life.Schools often use IQ test results to choose children for gifted programs and advancedplacement courses. Some companies even use the results as a criterion for hiringemployees.We have been conditioned to judge intelligence with these numbers. In the past 10 years,however, researchers have found that this isnt necessarily the case -- that in actuality, apersons emotional intelligence (EQ) might be a greater predictor of success than his or herIQ.What is emotional intelligence? In the early 1990s, Dr John Mayer, Ph.D., and Dr PeterSalovey, Ph.D., introduced the term "emotional intelligence" in the Journal of PersonalityAssessment. They used this term to describe a persons ability to understand his or her ownemotions and the emotions of others and to act appropriately based on this understanding.Then in 1995, psychologist Daniel Goleman popularized this term with his book EmotionalIntelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Emotional Intelligence is about havingempathy for others. It is about standing up for what you believe in a tactful and respectfulway. It is about not jumping to conclusions, but getting the whole picture before you react.The key to emotional intelligence is an understanding of your emotions and the emotions ofothers and acting in the most appropriate way based on that understanding.Having a healthy emotional intelligence is very important in order for human beings to livehappy and successful lives. Healthy emotional intelligence helps us set our personalboundaries, make decisions about our lives, and communicate with the people we love.Keep in mind that your emotional intelligence can change. People are always evolving. Youcan increase your EQ at any point in your life by learning to identify your emotions andtaking responsibility for those emotions. And just as easily as you can increase your EQ, youcan also decrease it. You must continue to identify and work on areas within yourself thatneed work.Regardless of your emotional intelligence level, you could benefit from some of these tips toincrease emotional intelligence: Go to the gym, take an exercise class or participate in activities that reduce your stress level. Take up a new hobby or sport that involves interacting with other people. Take a class at your local community college. Join a support group. Keep a feelings journal. See a counsellor to help you deal with your emotions. Take an anger management course. Enrol in a communication skills course.
  • 6. Read books about emotional intelligence and social skills. Do emotional intelligence workbooks. Ask your friends and family to help you recognize the things about yourself that may need correcting.Self-awarenessA philosophical view "I think, therefore I exist, as a thing that thinks." "...And as I observed that this truth I think, therefore I am (Cogito ergo sum) was so certain and of such evidence ...I concluded that I might, without scruple, accept it as the first principle of the Philosophy I was in search." "...In the statement I think, therefore I am ... I see very clearly that to think it is necessary to be, I concluded that I might take, as a general rule, the principle, that all the things which we very clearly and distinctly conceive are true..." While reading Descartes, Locke began to relish the great ideas of philosophy and the scientific method. On one occasion, while in a meeting with friends, the question of the "limits of human understanding" aros...