Emotional Emotional IntelligenceIntelligence: Social : Social

Skills and Skills and Interpersonal SkillsInterpersonal Skills

ObjectivesObjectives::•Comprehend the importance of “Social Comprehend the importance of “Social Skills”Skills”• Understand how “Interpersonal Understand how “Interpersonal Skills” are a combination of empathy Skills” are a combination of empathy and social skills.and social skills.

Everybody Up!Everybody Up!

• Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ cheer!cheer!

Social SkillsSocial Skills

• When you possess Social Skills, you When you possess Social Skills, you have the skills that are used in have the skills that are used in relating to others.relating to others.

Let me ask you…Let me ask you…• What would you say are the skills What would you say are the skills

that you have to possess to hold a that you have to possess to hold a jobjob??

• What skills seem to be the most What skills seem to be the most important when working with other important when working with other people, especially adultspeople, especially adults??

• What is the difference between a What is the difference between a skill and a techniqueskill and a technique? ?

• This is a hard question, so think This is a hard question, so think about the meaning of being skilled at about the meaning of being skilled at something.something.

Can people begin by being Can people begin by being skilled or do they have to skilled or do they have to go through some training go through some training or experience before they or experience before they

can be skilled?can be skilled?

• Would you want to go to a surgeon Would you want to go to a surgeon who has who has learnedlearned a technique for a technique for surgery or would you want to go to a surgery or would you want to go to a surgeon who has surgeon who has usedused the technique the technique over and over and over and is now over and over and over and is now ““skilledskilled” in the use of that technique?” in the use of that technique?

Learn it, then do it!Learn it, then do it!

• In order to develop a skill, you have to learn In order to develop a skill, you have to learn how to do something and then you have to do how to do something and then you have to do it.it.

• Learning something is not the same as being Learning something is not the same as being able to do it!able to do it!

• You can become skilled at something only by You can become skilled at something only by doing it doing it over and overover and over. It is a lot like playing . It is a lot like playing a sport or piano or anything that you learn how a sport or piano or anything that you learn how to do well.to do well.

Back to Social Skills…Back to Social Skills…

• When we are talking about social When we are talking about social skills, we are talking about a certain skills, we are talking about a certain set of information and skills that are set of information and skills that are necessary for you to succeed in life.necessary for you to succeed in life.

• If I could teach you these skills, what If I could teach you these skills, what would it be worth to you to learn to would it be worth to you to learn to do them well?do them well?

The fact is, it would be The fact is, it would be worth a great deal to you.worth a great deal to you.

• You’ll want to notice that not everyone You’ll want to notice that not everyone has these skills.has these skills.

• That is because of one or more of three That is because of one or more of three reasons:reasons:– 1 1 They have not been taught the They have not been taught the

techniques, ortechniques, or– 2 2 They have not used them enough to be They have not used them enough to be

good at them, orgood at them, or– 3 3 They are too lazy to care about them.They are too lazy to care about them.

Now, you decide!Now, you decide!

• Do you want to fall in one of these Do you want to fall in one of these groupsgroups OR … D OR … Do you want to o you want to learn them and do them until you learn them and do them until you are really good at them?are really good at them?

Believe me, social skills are Believe me, social skills are crucial to your success. crucial to your success. Let’s talk about them.Let’s talk about them.

• What are the most important social skills you What are the most important social skills you can think ofcan think of??

• What is important when meeting new peopleWhat is important when meeting new people??

• Did you know that when you meet new people Did you know that when you meet new people the most important thing is what you do with the most important thing is what you do with your body? Remember that 55% of what we your body? Remember that 55% of what we say is communicated by our body language.say is communicated by our body language.

• Think about the eight cues we talked about.Think about the eight cues we talked about.

The Eight CuesThe Eight Cues• Let’s name them:Let’s name them:• To show self-confidenceTo show self-confidence - -

– Eye contactEye contact– PosturePosture– HandshakeHandshake– Dress and groomingDress and grooming– Facial expressionsFacial expressions– Tone of voice and Word selectionTone of voice and Word selection– Level of relaxation/ stressLevel of relaxation/ stress– Energy levelEnergy level

Do you see how all of these things relate to how you use your body?

These things show people whether or not we are relating to them.

DiscussionDiscussion• Do you relate to adults well?Do you relate to adults well?

– If not, why do you think that is?If not, why do you think that is?

• Do you think that you are able to Do you think that you are able to determine how an adult relates to determine how an adult relates to you?you?

• What could you do to get adults to What could you do to get adults to take you more seriously?take you more seriously?

Where do we use these Where do we use these skills?skills?• We need to look at the places that you can We need to look at the places that you can

practice these social and business skills.practice these social and business skills.• Don’t forget that these skills include things Don’t forget that these skills include things

like…like…– talking to secretaries in officestalking to secretaries in offices– using the phoneusing the phone– setting up appointmentssetting up appointments– being friendly to the clerks in storesbeing friendly to the clerks in stores– learning how to eat outlearning how to eat out– order foodorder food– use the silverwareuse the silverware– when to be seated and where to sitwhen to be seated and where to sit– when to stand when someone comes to your when to stand when someone comes to your

office or table at lunchoffice or table at lunch– ……and lots of other things.and lots of other things.

Where can YOU practice Where can YOU practice these skills?these skills?

• The teacher asks you to ask the teacher’s aid The teacher asks you to ask the teacher’s aid for ten copies of a handout. for ten copies of a handout. How do you How do you address the teacher’s aideaddress the teacher’s aide??

• You have to buy a lunch ticket. You have to buy a lunch ticket. How do you How do you address the cashier?address the cashier?

• There is a spill in the classroom and the There is a spill in the classroom and the teacher asks you to go ask the custodian for teacher asks you to go ask the custodian for her help. her help. How do you address the custodian?How do you address the custodian?

• You are asked to deliver a message to the You are asked to deliver a message to the principal’s office and bring back a response. principal’s office and bring back a response. How do you address the secretary and/or How do you address the secretary and/or principal?principal?

• You can practice these skills NOW You can practice these skills NOW and you will be amazed at the and you will be amazed at the response that you get from adults.response that you get from adults.

• They think of you as “just a kid”, until They think of you as “just a kid”, until you show them you can act in a you show them you can act in a professional way.professional way.

• Listen to a story from Flip Flippen Listen to a story from Flip Flippen about determining how adults relate about determining how adults relate to youth.to youth.

YOU determine…YOU determine…

• ……where you go in life and what you do!where you go in life and what you do!• Your skills and especially your social/ Your skills and especially your social/

professional skills are what will take professional skills are what will take you there.you there.

• It is not your race, your color, your I.Q., It is not your race, your color, your I.Q., your background, your heritage or your your background, your heritage or your parents who will take you there.parents who will take you there.

• And, even if those things did get you And, even if those things did get you ahead, they won’t keep you there.ahead, they won’t keep you there.

ConclusionConclusion

• Everyone is going somewhere.Everyone is going somewhere.• It’s up to you to decide where you’re It’s up to you to decide where you’re

going.going.

• Remember this, your skills are what Remember this, your skills are what determine where you go and what determine where you go and what you do in the world.you do in the world.

Interpersonal SkillsInterpersonal Skills

• Back to the Emotional Intelligence Back to the Emotional Intelligence acronym and the very first scale, the “I” – acronym and the very first scale, the “I” – Interpersonal Skills.Interpersonal Skills.– Remember that the interpersonal skills scale Remember that the interpersonal skills scale

is a joint scale combining is a joint scale combining empathyempathy and and social skillssocial skills. .

• What does empathy meanWhat does empathy mean??• The ability to feel and relate to what The ability to feel and relate to what

another person is feeling.another person is feeling.

• Let’s say that…Let’s say that…• You would want your friend to care about You would want your friend to care about

what happened and how you’re feeling about what happened and how you’re feeling about it.it.

• And, as we just discussed, social skills are And, as we just discussed, social skills are those skills that help us when we meet new those skills that help us when we meet new people and want to develop relationships people and want to develop relationships with them.with them.

• The kinds of skills we are talking about are: The kinds of skills we are talking about are: good handshake, posture, dress and good handshake, posture, dress and grooming, manners, courtesies, language, grooming, manners, courtesies, language, humor and many others.humor and many others.

• People who have these skills are usually People who have these skills are usually comfortable in lots of different situations.comfortable in lots of different situations.

• So what happens when we put these So what happens when we put these social skills together with empathy? social skills together with empathy? Well, let’s see what happens if we Well, let’s see what happens if we don’t put them together, and we have don’t put them together, and we have one without the other.one without the other.

• What would a person be like who had What would a person be like who had great social skills, but had no great social skills, but had no empathy for others?empathy for others?

What do Interpersonal What do Interpersonal Skills look like when Skills look like when balanced?balanced?

• For these people, getting along with For these people, getting along with others is just a game. It’s really others is just a game. It’s really usingusing others to get what they want, but without others to get what they want, but without really caring about the relationships.really caring about the relationships.

• We would say that those kind of people We would say that those kind of people are not genuine; they are phony.are not genuine; they are phony.

• Now, what about a person who had Now, what about a person who had empathy for others, but no social skills?empathy for others, but no social skills?

• These people could be sincere and really care These people could be sincere and really care about you, but would have no way to express it.about you, but would have no way to express it.

• These people might be so awkward socially These people might be so awkward socially they would probably never meet you, and you they would probably never meet you, and you would never be able to have a relationship with would never be able to have a relationship with them.them.

• Or they might show it inappropriately, such as Or they might show it inappropriately, such as being too pushy, and you might not want to being too pushy, and you might not want to have a relationship with them.have a relationship with them.

• On the other hand, a person with a good On the other hand, a person with a good balance of empathy and social skills – good balance of empathy and social skills – good interpersonal skills – would sincerely care interpersonal skills – would sincerely care about you and have the skills to appropriately about you and have the skills to appropriately convey that to you. convey that to you.

ConclusionConclusion

• Stories…Stories…

• Leaders who are healthy and honest Leaders who are healthy and honest are people who have good are people who have good empathyempathy and good and good social skillssocial skills in balance— in balance—that’s, good that’s, good ..