Embracing Hope, Healing & Empowerment

Maggie

Embracing Hope, Healing & Empowerment

© Susan M. Omilian 2020

Helping Victims of Multiple

Traumas Reclaim Their Lives

Presented bySusan M. Omilian JD

Wednesday, Jan. 20, 2021A Training for

JBLE-SAPR Team Langley AFB, Virginia

Agenda• My Personal Story – How I Came to This Work• The Model of My Work• The Population I Work With• Tools (Exercises, Worksheets) I Use• How to Use Material to Achieve Outcomes

= Hope, Healing & Empowerment

Website: [email protected]


… ABOUT YOU

1. Are you a Survivor? Practitioner? Advocate?

2. What roles do you play with survivors?

Let’s


I am Susan M. Omilian JD• Attorney, Litigator, Victim Advocate, Public Policymaker• Worked with Domestic Violence Offenders • Trauma Survivor, Homicide Survivor• Author, Publisher, Motivational Speaker, Trainer


Autographed copies of Susan’s books are available for purchase at

www.ThriverZone.com. Books also available at Amazon.com

The Thriver Hero’s Journey

Review of Tools, Exercisesin Thriver Zone TOOLBOX• Quiet Inner Critic• Connect with Happy Person• Vision a New Life• Overcome Fears• Set New Goals• Manifest Your Desires

Thriver Success StoriesHow They’re ‘Living Well’7 Women, Diverse Backgrounds

(Age, Race, Ethnicity and Time in Thriver Zone!)

Remembering Maggie


Thriver: Moving On After Abuse

Full Video is available at www.ThriverZone.com and on www.YouTube.com @ThriverZone.

Video

Living Well is the Best Revenge!


My Model• A Motivational Model, Not a Clinical One• But the Model Does Focus on

– Change in Attitude, Ability to See Future VisionCognitive behavioral therapy: Develop personal coping strategies to target solving problems and changing patterns in thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes as well as behaviors and emotional regulation.

– Progress through Five Stages of Change Precontemplation (Not Ready) Contemplation (Getting Ready) Preparation (Ready); Action and Maintenance

– Embrace Goal Setting with Positive EnergySpecific, Measurable, Attainable, Time-Bound


The Population

• Women Primarily, also Men with Trauma History • Working in Post-Trauma Period

– Referrals from Crisis Intervention Programse.g. Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault

– Victims of Multiple Traumas / PTSD / Complex PTSD• Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, Child Abuse• Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse• Financial Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Stalking, Legal Harassment

– Low Self-Esteem, Lack of Confidence– May Feel More Physically Safe Now

But Fear of Rejection, Abandonment, Loss, Failure, Success


My Focus

… ABOUT YOU and/or YOUR WORK

What are Survivors Looking for?

What Problem Do They Come to You to Solve?

LET’S


From Victim to SurvivorGoals:

Leave the Abuse & Ensure Safety Prosecute Offender

Other Needs:Identify Impacts of Abuse on Victim

Reclaim Life Goals/DesiresHave Peace, Freedom & Safety in Home

Break the Cycle of Violence© Susan M. Omilian 2020

Thriving Beyond Trauma

The core experiences of trauma are disempowerment and disconnection with others and recovery therefore is based on the empowerment of the survivor and the

creation of new connections.

— DR. JUDITH HERMAN (1992)from her book, Trauma and Recovery


There is a Journey

Beyond being a victim or even a survivor.

It is a journey of the spirit to become a "thriver,"

…a healthy happy person with a brilliant, productive future.


My ProgramWomen attend two-day workshopMy Avenging Angel WorkshopsTM

STABILIZETHEIR LIVES:Emotionally,

Socially,Financially in a Safe

Community

Weekend RetreatsMonthly Follow-Up Sessions

TIME TO CONNECT

Relax & Re-Energize

GET NEW FOCUSNot Asked to Share their Victim Story

THEY COME TOGet Positive Energy See Vision for Future

Overcome FearsSet new Goals

Survivor to Thriver"When I met Susan, I was no longer a victim, but I waswearing my survivor armor. It was heavy, it defined who

I was, and limited my circumstances.

Susan asked me to remove my armor and consider apart of myself untouched by abuse, invite that part out to

talk and dream awhile, and grieve our years of separation.

Today I know that I am bigger than my former story.I am motivated to forgive those who abused me and move

beyond my 'survivor' life to something more rewarding,more authentic, and definitely more satisfying.

I am thriving!"— LORA, FROM THE THRIVER WORKBOOK

Desired OutcomesFor Women on the Journey

• More positive attitude and outlook on life,• Less focus on past events/abuse in lives,• Personal growth, renewed faith in

themselves and their abilities,• Less fear of change, more risk-taking with

life and career goals, and, • Clear steps to achieve their goals.

Entering the Thriver Zone

— SUSAN M. OMILIAN

“Surviving is important, but thriving is elegant.”— MAYA ANGELOU

Reconnecting to a part of you untouched. . .


7 Steps to Thriving

Step #1 ~ See Your Journey

Step #2 ~ Quiet the Inner Critic

Step #3 ~ Connect with Happy Person

Step #4 ~ Get Positive Energy

Step #5 ~ Vision A New Life

Step #6 ~ Overcome Fears

Step #7 ~ Set New Goals© Susan M. Omilian 2020

Step #1: See the Journey

Tell me your favorite fairy tale or children’s story that you loved as a kid.

EXERCISE


… What’s Your Favorite Fairy Tale,Children’s Story,

Book or Movie as a Kid?

LET’S


Step #1: See the Journey

Tell me your favorite fairy tale or children’s story that you loved as a kid.

Exercise: Writing Prompts:• I love this story because. . .• Lesson (Lessons) I learned from it are. . .


Step #1: See the JourneyWriting from the Exercise• I love the story of Cinderella because — it

makes me feel that no matter what happens, I can survive. Cinderella lost her mother, and then her father married Cinderella’s cruel stepmother.

• When her father died, she became a servant, but Cinderella didn’t get angry or bitter.

• One day, her fairy godmother magically transformed Cinderella’s rags into a beautiful gown so that she could go to the ball.


Step #1: See the JourneyWriting from the Exercise (continued)• I love how she completes herself and is attracted

to someone just as wonderful as she is.• The lesson that I learned — Never give up. No

matter how hard your life is, magical things can happen. Being happy is the most important thing and making others happy is second.

• In my story of Cinderella, she invites her stepmother and sisters to live with her and her Prince. They all live happily ever after.


Step #1: See the JourneyVICTIM

STRUGGLE

DeathCruel, WickedAbandonedAbuse, ControlSleepingDestructionGetting up the hill

Feelings: ABUSEHopeless, Scared, Angry, DisconnectWHY??



STRUGGLESurVIVor

TRANSFORMATION



Fairy GodmotherNever Give UpYou Can Do itValue is WithinWake Up! Trust YourselfBe Brave, Smart

Feelings: MAGICHopeful, Positive, Fearless, ReleaseWHAT’S NEXT?



STRUGGLESurVIVor

TRANSFORMATIONTHrIVEr

HAPPY ENDING!



Fairy GodmotherNever Give UpYou Can Do itValue is WithinWake Up! Trust YourselfBe Brave, Smart

Feelings: MAGICHopeful, Positive, Fearless, ReleaseWHAT’S NEXT?

Happy, JoyLove (unconditional)Family, FriendsConnectionFreedom, PeacePurpose, Meaningful Work

Feelings: HOPEConfident, FocusedConnectedI AM OKAY!


Journey to Thriver

Struggle > Transformation > Happy Ending

Abuse > Magic > Hope, Healing & Empowerment


Step #2 ~ Quiet the Inner CriticBeware of allowing a tactless word, a rebuttal, a rejection to obliterate the whole sky — ANAIS NIN

• Awareness of Inner Critic• Working with the Inner Critic

• Writing Affirmations– I am loved & lovable – I am a good mother– I am perfect as I am – I am powerful.


… ABOUT INNER CRITIC

What are some negative critical thoughts that survivors might have about themselves, their lives, their future?

Let’s


Step #2 ~ Quiet the Inner CriticEXERCISE:

Draw line down center of the page.

In left hand column, Write from Inner Critic


Step #2 ~ Quiet the Inner CriticI’m fat, stupid, ugly.

I deserve to be treated badly.

No one will ever love me.

I’m not good enough.

I’m a failure.I can’t do anything right.

I’m a bad mother.



In right hand column --Write the positive – BIG, BOLD!

I’m fat, stupid, ugly.





I’m a bad mother.







I’m a bad mother.

I am beautiful the way I am.

No one deserves to be abused.

I am loved and loveable.

I am enough.

I am smart, courageousand powerful.

I am a great Mom!







I’m a bad mother.

I am beautiful the way I am.

No one deserves to be abused.

I am loved and loveable.

I am enough.

I am smart, courageousand powerful.

I am a great Mom!© Susan M. Omilian 2020

Step #3 ~ Connect with Happy Person Inside You

Part of you untouched by all that has happened to you.

EXERCISE: Write letter to yourself.

Dear Susan, I am the Happy Person Inside You and I want to tell you something. . .


Connect, Re-Connect with…

Your Inner Cheerleader! One who loves you, loves you, loves you!

Examples: I miss you. Can you come out to play?You are the most beautiful, most radiant person.

You have such a great smile. You are amazing! You are smart.

You are loving. I love you!You can do it! Be brave! Be strong!

Step #3 ~ Connect with Happy Person Inside You


7 Steps to ThrivingStep #1 ~ See Your Journey


Step #3 ~ Connect with Happy Person

Step #4 ~ Get Positive Energy

Step #5 ~ Vision A New Life

Step #6 ~ Overcome Fears

Step #7 ~ Set New Goals© Susan M. Omilian 2020

Survivor to ThriverA Focused Desire

SophiaOctober 2006 Archangel Retreat in Madison, CT


Survivor to ThriverManifesting Your Desire

SophiaOctober 2006 Archangel Retreat in Madison, CT

Sophia with OprahMarch 2007 at

Miraval Spa in Arizona© Susan M. Omilian 2020

Outcomes to AchieveStaying in the Thriver Zone

Longer Term – Stabilize Lives• Women who “thrive” are less likely to return to an

abusive relationship and/or suffer the long-term physical and psychological consequences of abuse they’ve experienced.

• Rebuild self-esteem, stabilize their lives emotionally, financially & socially. – Become more positive, connected and optimistic– Explore job search, housing, education, credit– Embraced by a community of thrivers!

Outcomes to AchieveLiving in the Thriver Zone

A Celebration of Living Well as the Best Revenge!

Based on idea that “Living Well is the

Best Revenge”

Stories of Seven Women in Thriver Zone Programand How They Are ‘Living Well’ After Abuse


Outcomes to AchieveLiving in the Thriver Zone

Living Well as the Best RevengeWomen who stay positive, tame their Inner Critic and move beyond their “survivor” life to find ~ – something more rewarding, more authentic, and

definitely more satisfying. – LORA– I wake up in the morning, feeling happy and grateful

for everything I have. Being positive is just my way of being. I am safe, secure, whole and complete justas I am. - ADRIENNE


Outcomes to AchieveLiving Well as the Best Revenge

• To me, living well means not hanging on to any of my bitterness. –TENNILLE

• Now I’m focused on how I am living and what I want out of life. I can decide what kind of person I want to be, what I want to do and what kind of relationships I want to have. – PAMELA

• I’m doing things that I thought I’d never be able to do or that I couldn’t do. – TAWANDA


New Research on ThrivingA Qualitative Exploration of ‘Thrivership’ among women who have experienced domestic violence

and abuse: Development of new model.Heywood et.al. BMC Women’s Health (2019) 19:106

Results: The process of ‘thrivership’ – moving from surviving to thriving after domestic violence – is a fluid, non-linear journey of self discovery featuring three ‘stages’ of victim to survivor to thriver.

Thriving is characterized by a positive outlook and looking tothe future, improved health and well-being, a reclamation

of the self and a new social network.Conclusions: The study’s findings provide a new view of thriving post-abuse by women who have lived through it. The proposed Thrivership Model has been developed to illustrate what is required from domestic violence services and public health practitioners for the thrivership process to take place so that more women may be supported towards thriving after abuse.

What is a "Thriver"A "thriver" is a happy, self-confident and

productive individual who believes she has aprosperous life ahead of her. She is primed to

follow her dreams, go back to school, find a newjob, start her own business or write her story.

She believes in herself and in her future so muchthat she will not return to an abusive relationship.

She speaks knowledgeably and confidentlyabout her experiences and is not

stuck in her anger or need for revenge.

What is a "Thriver?"Living well is her best revenge and with her eye

on the higher social good, she is a fierce advocatein her community and in the broader political

arena for realistic, workable solutions to eliminateand prevent violence against women.

She has found a network of women whounderstand and share her desire to move

forward after abuse.

— SUSAN M. OMILIAN, FROM THE THRIVER WORKBOOK

Susan's Purpose

"I am a woman of power whose mission in life is to be a catalyst for change for victims of violence

against women. Today I celebrate my lifeby building a community of strong, independent,productive women who have survived abuse and

are thriving in well-being, love and joy."— SUSAN M. OMILIAN

Living in the Thriver ZoneLiving Well is the Best Revenge


Susan M. Omilian - Author, SpeakerWorkbooks Novels

Originator & Facilitator - My Avenging Angel Workshops™WEBSITE: www.ThriverZone.comEMAIL: [email protected]: YouTube.com/ThriverZone

FACEBOOK - www.facebook.com/thriverzoneTWITTER - @thriverzone

Using the MaterialsTESTIMONIALS

• “Susan’s work is impressive. I use her books in my practice, helping abuse survivors, young or old, move beyond survivor to thriver. Her materials can help all who have suffered trauma. I love how Susan’s books incorporate a journey to healing without having my clients relive the trauma itself.” —Diana Barnes-Fox, MA, LMFT

• “Since the murder of her niece Maggie, Susan has been an agent of positive change for survivors and offenders alike, strengthening those hurt and converting those who harm. Words can hurt but also transform, and Susan’s work in the Thriver Zone shows you how.”

—Charlene Smith, a South African multi-award-winning journalist, an authorized biographer of Nelson Mandela, author of Proud of Me: Speaking Out Against Sexual Violence and HIV


COMING SOON!!A Guide for Using with Exercises and WorkSheets in Susan’s

Non-fiction Books in The Thriver Zone

SeriesTM


Keep on Thriving


Embracing Hope, Healing & Empowerment

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