THE FREE TABLOID FOR THE RAILWAY ENTHUSIAST

GOING FORWARDGOING FORWARD(THIS TIME, WITH PERMISSION!)(THIS TIME, WITH PERMISSION!)

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:- THE LONG-AWAITED RETURN OF CITY OF

- SODOR MODERNISATION PLAN- AN INTIMATE LOOK AT THE EOR

- THE BEST OF APRIL 2015

WCRC given red light to proceed with operationsWCRC given red light to proceed with operations

FREEFREE

EDITION

F6F6SPRING 2016

RAIL LOOPRAIL LOOP

A FULL ROUND UP OF EVERYTHING THAT'S BEING CLAMPED DOWN ON IN 2016!WITH THIS ISSUE:WITH THIS ISSUE:

EDITORIAL

How times have changed since the early issues of Rail Loop! To think that back in 2010/2011, we took a look at Spitfire Railtours' use of class 37s on every train, many of these trains inadvertently arranged to coincide with Chingfinder's use of the same traction on similar routes. Fast-forward just those few years and we see Chingfinder's latest tour announcement, The Perfect Storm; a veritable tour-de-farce desperately avoiding the use of rotcarts at all costs, for fear of a need for stewards to steward! Some might, of course, argue that Chingfinder blaming their angry letter from DRS on the punters is very much like blaming Hillsborough on the fans, on which we shan't comment. Back in our early days, of course, DRS and Chingfinder were widely known not to see eye to eye – history, it seems, works in Loops.

History, it seems, also takes note of Loops, with many railway organisations now holding their gaffes during the month of April each year, just too late for our publication date. This year's edition, therefore, includes a round up of the best of the blunders of April 2015. We very much look forward to the next 30 days or so!

In more recent news, shenanigans have occurred on a recent ELR 'beerex' service. After every such incident, many goody-goody enthusiasts feel the need to wade in, commenting that “once again, a small minority spoil the enjoyment for the vast majority of well-behaved visitors”. We, however, disagree. No, the small minority upset only a few people (ie another small minority). As occasional ELR gala visitors ourselves, the dick with the gas mask had zero impact on our day – we weren't there. It is the actions of the railway itself, in setting up a beerex Gestapo, that will mar our enjoyment. As an aside, as the ELR Spring gala advertising made no mention of the trip being a “beerex” service, we should like to ask how DO the Lancs define such a trip? Extra beers being available? Something unusual in terms of operation? A strengthened rake? Unusual loco combinations? Oh, be reasonable, it's not 2004 any more!

On hearing such stories as this, or the recent SVR steam gala in which anybody who had had a drink, regardless of behaviour, was reportedly segregated into one coach of the rake, and other lines attempting to ban visitors from bringing their own drinks on site altogether, one is often minded of a scene from television's Only Fools and Horses:

“IT'S NOT SATIRE, IT'S JUST COMPLAINING”

EDITORIAL - CONTINUED

Del: Look, listen, I wanted to ask a favour. It's Albert's birthday in a couple of weeks' time and I wanted to throw a little party for him.

Mike: What, in here?

Del: Well, yeah, yeah a few drinks, a bit of grub, that sort of thing. I'll stick a hundred and fifty across the counter to cover it.

Mike: You can have the pub on one condition - he doesn't sing!

Del: Fair enough, Mike.

Mike: He doesn't use no bad language in front of the ladies.

Del: Righto, Mike.

Mike: And he doesn't dance.

Del: Gotcher, Mike.

Mike: He tells no rude jokes.

Del: Goes without saying, Michael.

Mike: And he don't drink too much.

Del: Perish the thought.

Mike: He just sits down quietly and soberly and enjoys himself.

Del: He's gonna be really looking forward to this, Mike. Thanks for everything.

Is this how preserved railways and railtours are now to be attended? With the gala season fast approaching, let's all party like it's 2016!

Granted, there may be some logic – driving getting ever tamer, enthusiasts will need to keep quiet to hear the locos... After which, we can attend meetings with railway management and shareholders to discuss why the preservation movement struggles to attract more young blood. At least when preservation dies, it can do so quietly and without upsetting anybody.

LIVE ESSEX SHOW!PAGE 3 POPUP

EPPING & ONGAR RAILWAYDIESEL & DEVIENCE GALA

23RD - 24TH APRIL 2016HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:

- VISITING DBS CLASS 66 (BARELY 18 YEARS OLD!)

- 47635 APPEARING FOR ONE WEEKEND ONLY AS LONG-LOST CLASSMATE

47555 LIVE-JASMIN- DOUBLE HEADING, TOP & TAILING

- A NOISY AND DIRTY WEEKEND GUARANTEED!

- DAY ROVER TICKETS – RIDE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT!

Please note: The future of these diesel/porn galas relies on your attendance. Unfortunately, the railway cannot afford to continue to pander only to the fickle fetish-specific cranks who turn up only when their favourite stars are performing. Additionally, firm action will be taken against anybody found to be entering areas without consent.

THE EPPING & Ongar Railway, subject to

much criticism in recent months over its

unorthodox fund-raising methods, has branched out into another new avenue, promoting its

new Onga Loans service. Gala organisers in need of last-minute visitors are able to hire in one of the railway's

fleet at the very reasonable rate of £1,500 per mile.

SUN, SEA AND SHARKS

MOOR PAPER

THE NORTH Yorkshire Moors Railway's 2015 diesel gala, hampered by a lack of paperwork

preventing visiting 20189 and 47596 from working, was in fact the

victim of inadvertent sabotage from the steam department, whose ongoing coal

crisis continues to force them to burn anything

in sight.

RETURN OFCITY OF!

Crowds of enthusiasts, families and journalists alike flocked to the East Lancashire Railway in January to witness the long-awaited return of 34092 City Of, now returned to as close as is technically possible to authentic condition for the first time in decades. Amid huge fanfare and equally huge delays, the pacific worked a series of trains over the railway over two weekends. No doubt aided by the weather, all trains were full to the rafters, the lineside also heavily populated with photographers who hadn't paid £8. Supporting cast included 13065, 45407, 60103 and 31466.

SIT DOWNAND SHUT UP

THE FUTURE of rock sensation The Unmistakable Sound has been called into question following complaints from the Crewe Arena that several fans at a recent gig, particularly those towards the front of the crowd, were observed behaving in a totally unacceptable manner, including shouting loudly and waving their arms around. “It's a f***ing disgrace” said a spokesperson.

FLYING SLACKMAN

WITH THE impending visit of that locomotive that used to be famous before 78019 came into

being sure to draw crowds, the Severn Valley Railway has

announced its Autumn Steam Gala plans.

Building on the formula of its 2015 ASG

counterpart – reducing overcrowding by

running fewer trains – the daytime timetable

for all three days can be found below.

Overnight services will, as usual, be operated,

with 7812. Ed: Apologies for the final comma in the

above sentence, which was, of course,

superfluous.

SODOR CHANGESTHE ISLAND of Sodor Railway Company has announced details of its latest economy drive, with introduction planned for mid-2017. Notable changes to operations include:- Most local services to be operated by a fleet of Daisy's relatives, working in multiple during peak hours;- Thomas and Duck to be sold into industrial use;- Talks in progress regarding the sale of Boco into preservation, providing spares for D5705;- Culdee Fell steam locos to work special trains in high season only (for an even more premium than usual fare), all remaining services to be operated by the line's fleet of rods.

COLD CASEWHATEVER HAPPENED TO...?

→ 37905 & 37906's control cards→ 'Tombstoning' (naming locos after recently deceased members of owning groups)→ The countless railtours every year behind 57601→ 'Beer-ex' trips with a longer (heavier) rake than had been in use during the day→ 80136

IT HAS been announced that 45060 is to be renamed in honour of the Fifty Fund,

as it too struggles considerably to maintain its vac.

PIPE DOWN

DAME DEARER BINNED

FORMULA F*NCOMMERCIALISATION BEING a better earner than running trains, an unnamed preservation group has reportedly tendered a bid for next season's formula one sponsorship. Under the new system, all cars are to be limited to a maximum of 40mph and 2,500rpm, in order to save wear and tear on the sport's most prized assets. Critics have suggested that a business model of deliberately disappointing customers in order to reduce fuel and maintenance costs cannot remain commercially viable in the long-term outside of a heritage railway environment. However, an anonymous press release has defended the group's position of going to any length to look after those who can afford to own and run F1 cars, and sod those who work all week in order to spend their day off enjoying and funding their hobby - insisting that any potential fall in visitor numbers can be blamed on the weather or competing events.

THE NORTH Yorkshire Moors Railway is said to

be considering proposals to return its WD 2-10-0 Dame Vera

Lynn to its former home in Greece, where it

would be sold for scrap to help solve their debt

crisis. Said a NYMR spokesperson, “It's a drastic step, but we really do need the

money. Can you spare us £20 towards a bag of

coal by the way?”

DON'T TELL HIM YOUR NAME!THE EAST Lancashire Railway has announced its final solution to beerex rowdiness, with several new security measures being introduced:→ Passengers must carry their ID papers at all times→ All trains departing Bury after 7pm will carry security staff, for your own safety.→ No part-fares or platform tickets (except the £8 ones)→ No gas masks to be worn unless alarms sounded.→ All 'beerex' trips will feature the regular statutory threat of 47402 substituting should things get rowdy.→ Passengers to be segregated into fans of home and visiting locos. The railway have promised that both sides will have access to thrash which is separate but equal.

REALISM

IN A move probably aimed at appeasing

Tripadvisor reviewers, the Polar Express film is

to be re-animated to feature an ETH Class 47

on shabby Mk2s.

NEWS IN BRIEF→ Realising the popularity of 08441, the Chasewater Railway have announced plans for resident 08 D3429 to operate in the guise of the former visitor for the remainder of the 2016 season.

→ As part of its ongoing restoration, 1-Co-Co-1 Class 40 40118 is to have its unpowered bogies connected up.

→ SCHRÖDINGER'S LOCO FLEET – Locked in the confines of Burton, a locomotive must be assumed both to be alive and dead. Now, thanks to 25067's visit to Keighley, this can be confirmed to be true.

→ Circumstances surrounding 37714's loan to the GCR has been put into question, the visit having been branded an insurance job.

→ The Churnet Valley Railway is to continue its long-standing policy of loaning out its resident locomotives in order to pay to hire in visitors to break.

→ Heathrow Express bosses have vowed to never buy their units from Hornby again.

APRIL 2016 UPDATE

IS ROYAL SCOT - Oh, never

mind...

→ The recent West Somerset Railway S&D gala has been branded by many as 'a crushing bore'.

APRIL 2015 NEWSWITH RAIL Loop now being so influential that many railway societies choose to have their gaffes shortly after 1st April, we bring you a selection of the best of April 2015's headline news.

EPPING HELL!ALTHOUGH A relative newcomer to the railway gaffe scene, the Epping and Ongar Railway have certainly done their homework. While many preserved railways hold endless board meetings to discuss how best to get younger visitors in to their site, the EOR have instead adopted a novel system of faking their visitors' youth. It's probably fair to say that the EOR have taken to marketing and publicity like a duck to marketing and publicity, the latest scheme being a series of leaflets displayed in local phone boxes.

CALLING A SPAD A SPADAS PART of an ongoing system of sanctions placed upon WCRC, Network Rail have attempted to hold Carnforth under siege for much of April 2015, refusing to allow a path out of the depot. However, the obvious flaw in this plan was quickly exploited.

LIGHTWEIGHT LOCO CREWS68005'S OWNER'S reps have begun their strict diet regime ahead of the mock-

industrial J94's visit to Tanfield. This, combined with the locomotive's red paintwork - this being less densely pigmented than green paint - has allowed Mech Mog to squeeze in under the line's arbitrary “49's too good for us” weight limits.

GENUINELY PERTINENT QUESTIONS?THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO 'HMMM, NAH...'

→ How come the Moors respond to any request for loco gen with “We'll only know on the day”, but can advertise 60007 running dates weeks in advance?

→ If the GCR don't believe in using handbrakes, why does all of their stock have wheel flats?

→ How bad does a gala have to be before it becomes socially acceptable to post a critical message on an internet forum?

→ When does a volunteer become an unpaid worker?

→ Why have accidents in pres caused by driver error increased in recent years, while driving has become tamer? Is it the Autobahn theory, that people concentrate more when they're taking risks, or is it that driving to reach 24.9mph as gently as possible all day puts off those crews with their wits about them from volunteering, opening up more turns to doddery old berts?

→ Is the SVR's 'every diesel on the planet' gala being subsidised by Swanage management to justify not holding their own diesel gala next year?

→ Isn't ISIS a bubble car at Wirksworth?

→ Each time the GCR do an evening TPO demonstration, a large crowd attends to watch. Is this because they vainly hope it'll be impressive like they used to be, or is it because they haven't noticed that that's no longer the case?

→ Why are the SVR's infamous permanent way slacks returning so soon after everyone else paid for their track?

→ If David Shepherd is supposed to be a conservationist, why did he sell 92203 to the equivalent of a labour camp?

→ How bad would 20048 be if it wasn't owned by cranks?

→ How long will 53809 operate at Butterley between returning to service and disappearing to the Moors again?

Also now in stock, these exciting new board games will provide endless fun for

the whole family!

IN THE LOOP PUBLISHING PRESENTS:

BUCKET LISTA DETAILED ACCOUNT OF THE WIDE VARIETY OF MODIFICATIONS TO

PRESERVED AUSTERITY LOCOMOTIVES, INCLUDES:

- Mock-J94 repaints, increasing tractive effort figures from Hunslet's quoted 21060lbs to BR's quoted 23870lbs

- 68005's repaint using special lightweight red paint, in order to enable visits to the Tanfield Railway

- WD150's regulator block, fitted to avoid the risk of crews having too much f*n, in an era when such a concept was not entirely alien to railway preservation

- Mid Hants's Douglas conversation – designed to help roster clerks, it naturally being easier to find crews happy to work on a medium sized tender loco than a

mere industrial tank- Waggoner and Royal Engineer fitted with air brakes to facilitate dragging of the

main line tube stock, should this ever become necessary following a nuclear attack on the island

With a bit of luck, the Armchair Society will very kindly publicise these for

us, allowing a wider audience to appreciate them, just like they did

with Cards Against Preservation last year –

thanks, guys!

PASSING LOOPWHERE SECOND CLASS THOUGHTS SIT AND WAIT TO PROCEED...

→ Since phottergate, every piece of ELR event marketing has made reference to the photographic opportunities available.

→ Good locos get fewer running days than bad ones in order to support the argument that nobody turns out for diesels.

→ Epping has been served by a red tube for decades, and nobody's kicked off before.

→ D8048 and D8098 were better as a pair, because they took up fewer diagrams.

→ The NYMR running rakes of 6 at galas constitutes undeniable proof of their complete lack of understanding of the reasons why enthusiasts choose to visit the railway

→ Silly loco combinations at galas always upset berts. Unless the gala has a Somerset & Dorset theme.

→ The Lakeside & Haverthwaite Railway bought Princess purely because it already had steam heat fitted.

→ Preserved railways immediately stop spouting the “the days of playing trains are gone, we have to market ourselves to the general public, specifically families, because we are a business” line the moment they start asking for enthusiasts' charitable donations.

→ An important part of volunteer training which is often overlooked is that of shutting compartment doors behind oneself.

→ It can only be a matter of time before a trip on a preserved railway grinds to a halt climbing a gradient as the driver has been banned from opening up the loco.

→ Railways with short, steep inclines, such as Foxfield, Bowes and Bridgnorth Cliff, could attract large crowds by holding soapbox racing competitions in the Summer months. Railway preservation is about attracting families, not preserving railways.

WE WENT ON THE INTERNET

And we found these!

Good to see the Great Central regard quietness as entertainment!

The noise was dreadful.

1965 or 2015?

^ Are we not

insulting enough?!

Image stabilisation ->

WE WENT ON THE INTERNETAnd we found these!

NVR loco crisis deepens?

SOME THINGS THAT'VE HAPPENED

Above: Volunteers are hard to come by – here only six people are available to clean a prairie! (Plus two supervising)

Right: All is well with the world so long as the Oxenhope CCT is still receiving its eternal repaint.

A Venn diagram says a thousand words

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

DON'T EVEN GO THERE.Dear Editor,Has anybody considered the elephant in the room, that considerably more people have suffered long-term stress-related health conditions from panicking over seeing people trespassing on railway property than have come to harm through being too close to trains?Name & location supplied.

GENIUS!Our favourite letter this issue wins a holiday for

2 in Jed's coat!

BLACK?!Dear Editor,I should like to take the opportunity to be one of the first to register my disgust at the NRM's choice of presentation of one of their most prized assets, namely Flying Scotsman's livery. Having taken so many years to overhaul the locomotive, they've wasted all that effort by painting it in a silly, inauthentic livery. Everybody knows that to be authentic in its current condition the A3 needs silver smokebox hinges!Alan Campbell, York

THOUGHTS?Dear Editor,I've been wondering for some years now, how do you come up with the ideas for your articles?Ian Shaw, Norwich.

Ed: As with so many elements of production, the research is in a state of constant evolution. In the early days of writing Rail Loop articles, we used to go to galas and running days, getting frustrated at the inevitable incompetence and about-faffery, and write articles as a result. These days, thanks to the smartphone revolution, we can effectively do away with the need to visit railway events, and instead compose entire articles from the comfort of our favourite pub armchairs, based on photos, videos and written accounts of said events. Who knows, perhaps one day we'll be able to set up a direct video link to the TSO we'd originally have been sat in. Hopefully not, of course.

WELL, IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS BARRED...

Dear Editor,Can anybody explain to me why people keep saying that the current railtour situation is “at least better than a return to window bars”? If nobody is allowed to stand in the coach vestibules, surely window bars have at worst no effect, and can enable passengers to open the droplights, firstly to allow some air into the coach, and secondly to be able to listen to the locomotive without killing themselves.P Davidman, Birkenhead.

Dear Editor,I attended the recent 73129 farewell event (yes, I was the one!), and I'd just like to say I was completely whelmed.Ian Evans, Alfreton.

Dear Editor,I think I may have a Genuinely Pertinent Question for you to consider: Isn't it a bit of a coincidence that a number of A4s arrived at the NRM for 'cosmetic restoration', then a year later Flying Scotsman's suddenly complete? Something to think about!Simon Jones, Shrewsbury.

CLASSIFIED LOOP:

LOOP TALKING BOOKSEdition 1:

A CURE FOR INSOMNIA!

Stewart Lee narrates a round trip on the Severn

Valley Railway. Duration: 17 hours

ATTENTION PRES STATION STAFFBLACK IS THE NEW ORANGE!

New in stock – black high visibility cagoules, as worn by hipster station staff at all the best

preserved railways. Now you can blend in while you stand out!

SOUL FOR SALENow surplus to requirements.

Selling to raise funds for future expansion plans. Please contact Foxfield

Railway.

FROM THE MAKERS OF PEDS IN SPACE:

PRAIRIES UNDERGROUND!

DVD. As new condition.

SEVERN VALLEY RAILWAYFLYING SCOTSMAN DRIVER EXPERIENCE

Once in a lifetime opportunity to take the controls of Flying Scotsman, just like

your granddad did! Only £4,472!

FOR SALE:ASSORTED FIREWOOD

& SCRAP METALBuyer to collect from Snaefell

Summit.

RAIL LOOP AWARDS

MOST IMPRESSIVE ACHIEVEMENT AWARD 2015-2016Runners up:

- KWVR: Alleviating the difficulties in bringing in visiting locomotives by road by means of flooding the trackbed, in order to bring in future visitors by barge.

- NRM: Successfully preventing the renumbering of a locomotive they don't own.- 6100 & 4472: Joining only 45231 in the exclusive club of 'locomotives which have returned from

overhaul in the past decade performing better than when they were withdrawn'

Winner:Rocks by Rutland Railway Museum: Successful completion of the new museum building, painstakingly constructed around the rows of demic locos which would probably crumble to dust like a Hornby class

31 should anybody attempt to move them out of the way. As Britain's richest headshunt, RBRRM clearly demonstrates the sound financial sense of not extending beyond the end of your own car park.

BIZARRE EXCUSE OF THE YEAR AWARD 2015-2016

DISAPPOINTING RETURN OF RECENT YEARS AWARD c.2014-2016

Runners up:- MRC: “73129 might set fire to the snow if we thrash it (Farewell weekend, Saturday evening)”

- Peak Rail: “We were unaware that we were using your locos”- WCRC: “We thought we'd get away with it”

Winner:National Preservation Forum Poster: “44767 is in bits because seventeen years ago it did a trip over

the NYMR load 9”

Runners up:- 1501: Former highlight of the SVR returned to traffic to be immediately banned from hauling proper

length rakes on its home line.- Lambton 29: Returned to traffic amid great expectations to face a few token running-in turns, an

underwhelming Summer in Staffordshire, one gala morning and an untimely death.- 37716.

Winner:6046: Entered traffic for the first time in preservation just too late to ever be matched with its perfect

partner at Churnet (we refer to a person, not a locomotive), therefore nobody really cared when it died soon after.

HOW TIMES CHANGEA GUIDE TO THE CHANGING DEFINITIONS OF RAILWAY PRESERVATION

Mid-1980sTERM Mid-2010sWagon A railway vehicle suitable for

the carriage of goods, potentially useful both for

maintenance of the preserved railway and as part of a demonstration

rake.

£x worth of scrap material which hasn't been touched

since the day it left BR metals.

Thrash Working a locomotive harder than is necessary to move

the train, in order to create noise and play to the

crowds.

[a] Briefly cracking open the main valve

[b] Hitting the divert before shutting off.

Abuse Working a locomotive harder than is necessary to move

the train, in order to create noise and play to the

crowds.

Causing damage to a locomotive (or other

equipment) through over-use and lack of maintenance.

Too young for a position of authority

Can't remember steam on BR.

Can't remember steam on BR.

25mph 45mph. 22.5mph.

Railway preservation

The process of saving items of railwayana from scrap; displaying and operating

these items in such a way as to recreate scenes from the

past.

The political battle between the young men in suits who want to commercialise every aspect of the railway and the old men in greasetops who want every aspect of the railway to remain unchanged forever.

WIBBLE AND FROTHHERE IS A LIST OF SHORT STATEMENTS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER

→ Judging by the number of people whose grandfathers drove Flying Scotsman, Top Shed must have had its own brothel in the mess room. Given the surrounding area, this doesn't seem especially implausible.

→ Anyone going to see a band who played a heavily stripped-down version of their set purely to reduce wear and tear on their instruments would be at best somewhat disappointed.

→ On your last visit to a preserved railway, the happiest volunteer you met was somebody whose role has little or nothing to do with the operation of trains.

→ A trip on the Gloucestershire Warwickshire Railway can be likened to Bill Withers's Lovely Day – The first few minutes are pleasant enough, after which the repetitiveness sinks in, followed by the gradually by the monotony, tedium, despair and self-loathing, and in repeated doses both can prove an effective treatment for low blood pressure.

→ If you can't part fare a railtour any more, and can't have the windows open, the answer is simple. Pre-book, board the tour at the pick-up point of your choosing, collapse from heat exhaustion and bail at the next station. Afterwards, claim a refund due to the unsuitable on-board conditions, and donate £10 back to the tour operator as a good will gesture.

→ The Battlefield Line may never recover from the parasite which entered its system ten years ago, milked its diesel galas for all they were worth, and left its trembling carcass lying, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere.

→ If we had the artistic skills required, this issue would have had a satirical cartoon involving lots of 37s spending the evening fuelling in Derby whilst staring at a disembodied human head on a spike in the corner.

→ At least the SVR no longer running full length rakes behind the best locos means it doesn't take the trolley so long to get back and bring you another drink.

→ If you don't know the family sitting opposite you in the DMU trailer being top-and-tailed by a Peckett and an 03, you can't prove that these weren't the trains granny and grandpa used to go to work on.

THE BACK PAGE

RAIL LOOP is brought to you in association with

THE WANSFORD BURGER VAN

SOCIETYYou may only use us as a fill-in

move when the shed does its full line trip, but you know you'd miss

us if we weren't there...

IN THE NEXT ISSUE:

AMERICA, CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

The sexual exploits of a 34A loco driver.

FUNDRAISINGWe take a look at the transcripts of the Alan Peglar lectures, recently

released by the NRM library to raise funds for Scotsman's return.

A WOMAN'S WORK IS NEVER DONE

Reasons why D1048 will never run.

CAPTIONS, PLEASE!

CAPTIONS FROM THE PREVIOUS ISSUE:

- That's the only loco, bar a few B1s, to be named after a contagious skin condition.

- KWVR gala planners must be getting desperate!

- 26024 has ruined more galas than the Loughborough crossover!

- 9 out of 10 paedophiles can recognise Flying Scotsman.

- Always take safety seriously, at all costs...- I remember this when it was preserved!

- It's just aspergical number-crunching, really.- If you ask me, the CFPS raffle collections are

getting out of hand!- If I had to drive 80072 around, I'd probably

try to smash something too...

THAT'S ALL FOLKS.Remember: Stay safe, stay sober,

and stay behind the fence!