FREE

fComing home for Christmas

Light Dragoon Guards

Interview withRob Endeacott

Mick Roberts talks about the

BRIDEWELLTAXIS

Community & Business link for East Leeds area

ff

DecemberIssue

Welcome to the Christmas edition of East Leeds MagazineOnce again thanks for all your letters, phonecalls and emails. We've had over 40 responsesto the Last Night Another Soldier feature, allhave expressed slightly different opinionsregarding the rights and wrongs of the warbut the general consensus being 'hope theyall get back in one piece.' This feature hasproved so popular we have decided to doanother which also incorporates Ashley com-ing home.We've also had a fair bit on the Gates fromHell. They're finished now and opinion isstill divided. Many people seem to reckon it'sa vast improvement, a sizeable amount stillthink the money would have been better spenton a giant cake fight on Manston Park! Anyway it's fast approaching that time ofyear again. Christmas and all the madnessthat goes with it.We'd like to take this opportunity to wish allour advertisers and readers a MerryChristmas & a Happy New Year. It's been agreat few months, we've met some fantasticpeople and would like to thank all ouradvertisers who have trusted in a newventure. We'd also like to thank our readersfor mentioning the mag when replying to ads. Times are still hard but if we keep it local, wecan help each other and possibly do our bitfor the environment. Anyway, this issuewe've got a feature on the fight againstbreast cancer, a quick chat with

Mick Roberts formerly of the legendary BridewellTaxis, Robert Endeacott talks about his DirtyLeeds book and the Irish Centre is hosting aChristmas Play with a difference. Getting right into the Festive Spirit,the A1 Boxing Club, who are based above theDog & Gun pub on York Road are putting on atwelve bout boxing exhibition. Starting off withnon competitive skill sets, a girls bout, thenworking through from under twelves to bigblokes hoping to knock each other into the middleof Christmas Day! Taking place at Halton MoorClub on Neville Road on December 10th itfeatures a few local lads and I’m told every seatis a ring side seat. It's £10 a ticket (£7 for OAP'sand children.)With it being Christmas and all that, there's sixchristmas elves hidden in this issue. If you canfind them and go to those nice people at theSweet Shack in Halton they will give you a bagof gold coins!Lastly we’re launching our web site in January.Have a look on www.eastleedsmag.net, alladvertisers in the magazine will get a free listing.

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Most people of a certain age round herehave heard of The Bridewell Taxis, alongwith the Abrasive Wheels they're probablythe biggest band to come out of this side ofLeeds. They formed in 1987 and playedtheir first gig at the Astoria supportingAvaris, fronted by Dave Varley who ran agreen grocers inCrossgates. TheBridewells singer, MickRoberts takes up thestory- 'We promoted our-selves, we must havehanded about a million fly-ers out and put posters upall over Leeds, bands don'tdo that now, they seem tojust rely on promoters andthe internet. We were wellknown with the footballlads and about 500 turnedup to see us, Avaris werea sort of Queen tributeband which our audiencewere never going to like,they all left when we'd fin-ished. We built up a goodlocal following and thenlinked up with the Farm and Real People.We had about two years like that, It wasjust a matter of helping each other out. TheMadchester scene was happening aboutthe same time and then it exploded. We gotour first big support slot with the StoneRoses at Leeds Uni. We played withHappy Mondays at the Warehouse andwere supposed to support them on tour butwe had a bit of a row over chucking beer atthem and that was it for quite a while as faras they were concerned with us. With thereputation they gained, it was a bit rich theyfound us a bit too rough. We toured withthe Inspiral Carpets but we were nevercomfortable with the whole Manchester

scene.

Close up it was a bit phony, a promoter oncegave us and the Inspiral Carpets 200 cans oflager to drink, their drummer kept disappear-ing,we wondered what he was doing so oneof us followed him and watched him filling his can with water and then pretended to be offhis head..And that's what most of that scene

was like, with the excep-tion of the Mondays, theyall seemed to be acting-acting drunk, actingstoned, pretending to beout of their heads chuck-ing eggs out of hotel win-dows and thinking theywere rebels. Both theMondays and StoneRoses had ego's likeElizabeth Taylors. Bezwas ok, everyone gets onwith Bez but I could takeit or leave it with most ofthe others. Ian Brownwas a nightmare and Icouldn't click with SeanRyder though I see himfrom time to time now andwe're alright. The Inspiral

Carpets were a nightmare to tour with, theyheld the purse strings and it was a battle toget any food out of them. They had a roadiewho used to knock about with us becausewe were a better laugh. He was a guitartechnician, we used to watch him tuning upand practising his own stuff which was bril-liant, we couldn't understand why he wasn'tfronting his own band, he reckoned he wasn'tgood enough. One time he had to get backto Manchester from Glasgow and my cousinCarl Roberts gave him the money. His namewas Noel Gallagher. The whole idea with the Manchester bandswas to support them and hopefully nick a fewof their fans and it worked to a certain degree.

Invisible to You

6

Mick Roberts talks about the Bridewell Taxis

7

The Liverpool bands were better, I've alreadymentioned the Farm and Real People, butalso the Icicle Works, The High, Pete Wyliesvarious incarnations of Wah andThe La's who later becameCast. We were recording a lotas well as touring, we put sin-gles out which sold ok, we werehigh up in the indie charts butdidn't make enough impact onthe main charts. Just GoodFriends should have done for uswhat Happy Hour did for theHousemartins but it never quitehappened. The touring washard, most of the time we weresleeping in the van, or I used to ask duringthe gig if any of the audience could put us upfor the night. We were paid a pittance as asupport band, when we headlined we werepaid £30 a gig. But I wasn't bothered aboutthat, the money we made from touring wentin recording and videos. We did a few ses-sions for John Peel as well. He was good tous, he opened up his show for about threeweeks running with Just Good Friends.We played Reading festival one time. Theredidn't appear to be too much interest in us sowe all got out of our heads backstage. Whatwe didn't know was John Peel who was onanother stage had announced we were play-ing and told everyone to get over and see us.So we came on stage expecting one manand his dog and there was a crowd of about3000 there. We just about got away with itbut I couldn’t remember the gig the next day.Kipping in the back of vans for 2-3 months ata time and hardly any money took it's toll.Most bands cite musical differences for split-ting up, we just hated each other. With theexception of Chris, none of us were trainedmusicians and sometimes we were sloppy,different members of the band wanted to

move at different paces, and it could befrustrating when not everyone showed forrehersals. Later, away from the intensity of

the music and touring webecame mates again but I thinkwe just burned out.In 2005 we got back togetherfor a few gigs. We had torecruit a couple of new mem-bers and we played a few sellout gigs. But...let's say we hadmusical differences from thestart. My opinion was if I was ina band in 2005 I wanted to dothings different. And it seemedto end up me against everyone

else who wanted to carry on just churningthe old stuff out in the same old way. Thething was, first time round we were alwaysexperimenting with different styles andsounds and that was the whole essence ofthe band. To me, not to carry on doing thatwas criminal. If it hadn’t have ended then itprobably would have nine or ten monthsdown the line, so it probably was a blessing.And now I'm hoping to bring a new doublealbum out. It's a mix of various sessionsboth with the Bridewells and with other musi-cians. I’m also doing some low key stuff withsome local musicians. If the album doesokay I’d like to think we can do some newstuff, it’s just a matter of seeing if the marketis still there. I went over to Ireland a fewweeks ago to do backing vocals for a guitarversion of Frankie’s ‘Power of Love’ for theband Aftermath. It’s released as a single firstweek in December, they’re quite a big bandover in Ireland and are touring the North ofEngland. They play Brudenell Social Club on23rd December and I’m back on stage doingbacking vocals.

More about Mick’s new album in the nextissue. There’s a fair bit of Bridewell Taxisstuff on You Tube as well.

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LAST NIGHT ANOTHER SOLDIER

When Ashley comes home, his skin is dark,he's lost weight, you can still see Afghanistan

in his eyes. He actuallylooks like one of theAfghans. He alwayswarns us he doesn’t lookwell.He doesn't leavehome straight away, ittakes him a while toadjust but even thenevery time he switchesthe telly on there seemsto be something on aboutAfghanistan. Don't forgethe's got to live with thememories of his mateswho have died in hisarms, memories of bombsblowing his fellow soldiersup. Imagine what it's likeif you bring more homethan memories. If youbring Post TraumaticStress Disorder home

with you, if you've lost limbs or aredisfigured. That's where Help For HeroesComes in."

"It’s about the blokes, our men and women of the ArmedForces. It’s about Derek, a rugby player who has lost bothhis legs, it’s about Carl whose jaw is wired up so he hasbeen drinking through a straw. It’s about Richard who washanded a mobile phone as he lay on the stretcher so hecould say goodbye to his wife. It’s about Ben, it’s aboutSteven and Andy and Mark, it’s about them all. They arejust blokes but they are our blokes; they are our heroes.We want to help our heroes."

After the response to our RemembranceDay Issue we thought it would be apt tomention Ashley Wildand the Light DragoonGuards again. Ashley'sMum organised aWelcome Home partyfor him at BarnbowClub on 20thNovember, which kindof mushroomed andended up as a Charitydo for the Help ForHeroes Charity. Mostof Ashley's battalionturned out and £1600was raised to goalongside the £1500already raised.Kelly Gallagher,Ashleys cousin takesup the story- "Can youimagine what it mustbe like coming home from something likeAfghanistan?

Do your bit to help our blokes

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One of his bestfriends Nick chippedin. "I don't know if it'sjust because he's outthere but the conflict in Afghanistan justseems to be in our faces all the time.Every time I hear of an incident my heartmissesa beat.All con-tactshutsdownwhenthathap-pensand all of us just sit and wait for a phonecall or text message to let us know he'sok. I know when he first went out there hisDad Tony was checking his phone everyother minute hoping he had a text." Lastword goes to his Mum Tracy. "I'm just gladto have him home.

But there are otherparents who still havesons and daughtersout there, who won't

be home for Christmas, who might never behome at all. Help for Heroes are raisingmoney to help build hospitals, rehabilitationcentres and Army Recovery Centres. These

centres are to help seriously wounded ortraumatised soldiers on the road to recoveryand help them with career managment,counselling, whatever they need really.”Tracey would like to thank everybody whohas helped out in all sorts of different ways.

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December 1825. England is in the grip of a harsh winter,its army is fighting colonial battles abroad, andhunger and poverty are rife.Thousands are thrown out of work while the landed,property-owning few become indecently rich.Sound familiar?See the story of sassy Luddite rebel Elsie Proudas she wages war against the ruthless rags-to-richesBoss Ernest Hardgristle and career climbing politician,Robert Catchpenny. Experience a riotous mix oftheatre and music, banter and action, this show is foran audience looking for a world beyond TV TalentContests and multi-millionaires taking multi-millionpound pensions in this winter of recession.Come and have a laugh as Red Ladder andChumbawamba get together to sing, dance,cajole, poke fun and point fingers, all against abackdrop of our nation's radical past.

Not long after Garforth Arts Festival,Chumbawamba are back at this side ofLeeds, this time gracing the Irish Centrewith a panto with a bit of a difference. Icaught up with Boff Whalley to give me thelowdown on Riot, Rebellion & BloodyInsurrection. “The Chumbas are often look-ing for ways to avoid getting stuck in a rut,scared of making the same kind of music inthe same way over and over. We reckonthis is why we carry on loving what we do.And I'd been writing with Dom for a whileand even started doing theatre stuff withbits of music involved. After I'd done 'Armley– The Musical' for the West Leeds Festival18 months ago, me and Dom and one ofthe actors (Rod from Red Ladder) werehaving a drink (actually I tell a lie, we weregetting drunk) in a pub when we started tointroduce the idea of doing a pantomime foradults. Not Jim Davidson 'Boobs In TheWood', I mean, theatre that involves theaudience, gets them involved, uses humourand contemporary cultural references etc.There's a playwright from Italy called DarioFo who did it for years there, street theatre,really popular. And Rod from Red Laddersaid "write it!", so we did, and Red Ladderended up saying they wanted to put it on astheir winter show.

And then came the idea of Chumbawamba gettinginvolved. Which was great for Chumbawambabecause it's outside our comfort zone and a newarea to work in. A tour... only different. We wantedit to be very 'northern' and relevant, so it's set inthe time of the Luddite rebellions (early 1800's),where huge numbers of working people engagedin strikes, riots and battles against the bigfactory/ machinery bosses who were taking theiremployment from them. Luddite doesn't meansomeone who opposes progress, it means some-one who will attack the way 'progress' is used todeprive people of work and livelihood. Look at thepost office workers, look at the refuse collectorsin Leeds – all these wage cuts and lay-offs aredone in the name of 'modernisation', as if that'ssomething so sacred we have to accept it as away of chucking us out of work. I don't see themanagement being 'modernised' out of jobs andout of huge bonuses and pay rises.So there you go, a riotous pantomime that isn'treally a pantomime, it's about history and capital-ism and having a laugh and taking the pee andmaking it all into a good night out.”

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No-one said life wasgoing to be easy butsometimes it justseems plain unfair.There's a cynical sideto me that says bad

things always happen to the good ones inlife and vice versa. Debbie Mills was one oflife's good ones. It's difficult to describe herin a sentence, her hus-band Jon describes heras a classy bird with asmile and glow of pride.Her daughter said shewas a brilliant Mum andbest friend. They knowwhat they have lost anddon't need to tell theworld but othersdescribe Debbie asdevoted to her family,kind, clever, talented,funny, inspirational...andshe liked to keep aclean house.Debbie Mills died 19thApril 2007 after a fouryear battle with cancer.While she was still aliveDebbie and her familybegan raising money forcancer charities andthey have continued to do so. So far theyhave raised about £70000. Debbie's hus-band Jon, daughter Emily and sister Joannetake up the story.'Debs found a lump in her breast just beforeChristmas in 2002. The build up andChristmas/ New Year itself were overshad-owed with hospital visits, tests etc. She wasdiagnosed with Breast Cancer on January9th 03. Then it just seemed to be a merry-go-round of more tests, chemotherapy, sur-gery, another kind of chemo, reconstruction,radiotherapy, visits, scans, results, as any-one in that situation will testify it takes overthe lives of everyone concerned.

Debs Dad died in May of that year whichmade things even more difficult, she'dlost her hair due to the Chemo andeveryone was concerned about how shewould cope with the funeral etc but shewas fine.That's the thing with Deb shealways coped and sometimes even inher weakest moments, she still foundthe strength for others. Even towards

the end she kept hersense of humour, takingthe micky out of thehaircuts and clothes ofher visitors. She gotsome kind of 'all clear'later in the year and inNovember we held abig party to put a badyear behind us and lookto the future.A few months later anagging pain in her ribsresulted in a diagnosesof permanent cancer.Debs motto wasalways 'Life's for Living'and as much as wecould afford it, we madethe most of the time shestill had. We had fourholidays that year, fittingthem in round chemo

and everything that went with it. It wason one of these holidays Debs waschatting with a few friends and men-tioned she'd always wanted to go to ablack tie ball. So, in a case of what thelady wants the lady gets, we organisedone at Oulton Hall in aid of BreastCancer. From the original conversation,we'd managed to put it on by October, ithad only taken us 12 weeks. Debsplayed her part in it, she had a brillianteye for detail and the whole setting wasboth impressive and immaculate. Butthat was Deb all over, the house was

Life’s for Living

26

always spotlessly clean and she had greattaste for both decor and also her ownclothes without ever spending loads ofmoney. During the ball and also in it’s plan-ning, the generosity of not only family andfriends but also of total strangers reallybegan to astound us all. The ball wasamazing, then it was back to the old routineat the hospital. Debs had set herself targetsthroughout- her son Ben's 18th, Emily's 16th,Christmas. She ran the Race for Life atTempsi in 2004 and 2005, then we organisedanother ball in October 06 which raised£22000. By now her health was failing. 2006 was tobe her lastChristmas. We hada last holiday earlyin the year, skiingin Bavaria.Obviously shecouldn't ski but justtook pleasure inbeing there withher family.Emily was 18 inJanuary of thatyear, Ben was 21in March. It waspretty low key, wewent out for something to eat and that wasthe last time she went out socially.Her funeral was 26th April at St.James onSeacroft Green. She'd asked for no black tobe worn, the church was heaving and itsounds a bit cliched but it really was a cele-bration of her life. We held the wake at theIrish Centre it was more like a wedding thana funeral. We gave her the send off sheasked for.And after that life goes on. We had a year offirsts, first Christmas without her, first birth-days without her. She used to threaten tocome back and haunt us if we didn't keepthe house tidy. We regularly go to make sureher grave is tidy, we daren't do any other!People kept asking about another ball but wewere a bit unsure, we had doubts,would it be the same without her?But everything about her illness hadincreased our awareness and wethought it was the right thing to do.

We didn't do the full black tie ball, it was moreof a dinner dance onOctober 24th this year.Emily who is studyingevents management wasready and willing to takeon a lot of the organisa-tion. We raised another£7500, this time themoney was split betweenBreast CancerAwareness, St.Gemmasand Wakfield Hospice. And that's why weagreed to do this feature, to raise awareness

and thank all ourfamily, friends &supporters of theircharity events fortheir support andgenerosity. To alsothank friends whohave done spon-sored walks and runsthat kind of stuff.And also to thank rel-ative strangers fortheir contributions ofboth time, skills andmoney.

Joanne, Jon & Emily

To donate to Jon and Debbie's BreastCancer Awareness fund, please makecheques payable to Cancer Research UK.Send to Cancer Research UK, Unit 7400,The Quorum, Oxford Business Park North,Garsington Road, Cowley, Oxford, OX4 2JZ.Please write their ID number on the back ofthe cheque, it is 400259403.

St Gemma's Hospice Tel 0113 218 5500329 Harrogate Road, MoortownLeeds LS17 6QD

www.wakefieldhospice.orgWakefield Hospice, Aberford Road,Wakefield, WF1 4TS Tel: 01924 213900

‘Dirty Leeds’ is a novel, a mix of fact andfiction covering Don Revie & LeedsUnited from 1961 to ’74, combined withthe fictional story of a young Beeston kidcalled Jimmy O’Rourke. It’s my thirdnovel (after ‘One Northern Soul’ and then‘No More Heroes’) but already seems tobe the most popular, and it’s beenreceiving great reviews which makes meproud as … a peacock.Readers might wonder why there’s aninterview with a South Leeds lad inside amagazine for East Leeds people. Theanswer is pretty straightforward really:Leeds United has lots of links with thisside of the city, including famous playerswho were born and bred nearby or evenlived here when they’d ‘made it’ at EllandRoad. And of course there are loads ofLeeds fans everywhere too. With the crucial help of chairman HarryReynolds and the directors, Don Reviemade the club truly great and a nationalinstitution just about, and I’ve alwaysloved reading and writing about my sport-ing heroes. Even though my Dad (Barry)was on the Leeds ground staff for 26years, I’ve never felt that I had a ‘right’ towrite about Leeds but with ‘Dirty Leeds’ Ijust felt the record needed puttingstraight, about the club and Don Revie,as so much negative rubbish has beenwritten about them over the years. Noone else seemed to be considering thisstory so I volunteered myself. DavidPeace’s great novel ‘The Damned United’came out while I was planning my ownElland Road epic and it certainly helpedme decide what exactly I wanted to writein Dirty Leeds.

And David Peace has always been a brillianthelp. One personal aim was to write abouthow the ‘dirty’ tag came about, as well aswanting to write a dramatic and entertainingstory about Leeds. Do you know whatfootball would have been like without DonRevie and Leeds United?It would have beenlike watching paint dry, I’m sure of it - and Idon’t mean Gary Edwards’ paint either! Football would have been so drab, becausethere has never been a team to stir uphistorically so much passion and drama asRevie’s Leeds. And yes that includes Man Uand Liverpool. And not only did I want tocelebrate the greatest times of the greatest,most interesting club, I wanted to tell a storyabout an ambitious lad (Jimmy O’Rourke)growing up and being near obsessed withfootball and especially Leeds.I’ve been asked many times why I used‘dirty’ in the title. Well, it’s definitely meantironically, I can confirm! If anyone reallythinks I’m trying to insult the club or offendany of the men I grew up idolising then theyneed to think again. I’m a season ticketholder, I’m hardly likely to sully the name ofour club! I want to watch the games andnurse my hangover, not look over myshoulder nursing my bruised head aftersome irate supporter has lamped me! Myattitude with ‘dirty’ is that, regardless ofwhether I used it or not, it’s a jibe whichstuck with the club since 1964, so I don’tthink it matters much what my thoughts areon using it as a book title.Most Leeds fans know the truth, and I reallyhope that people reading the book will learnthat same truth too. Besides, I think it’s agreat title for a book!

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The whole story is indirectly intended as atribute – to quite a few individuals. Whenhe joined Leeds, Bobby Collins was asimportant on the pitch as Don Revie (andHarry Reynolds) were off it. But therewasn’t just him of course, I try to payrespect to lots of Leeds United relatedpeople too, including Elland Roadgroundsmen who my Dad worked for overthe years, like the late Ces Burroughs forone, plus of course JohnReynolds and Ray Hardywho are both still very muchalive, I’m pleased to say! I’vespoken to John lots of timesabout the book and he’s beena fantastic help. Anyone whoknows him would expect thatthough. And of course, inaddition to the famous nameswithin the book, there aremen who are usually over-looked in the club’s history,despite their major influence.Revie’s coaches and back-room staff and the late chair-man Harry Reynolds espe-cially. With Bobby Collins,even though unfortunately I’m not oldenough to have seen him play, his impacton the club should never be forgotten. IfLeeds had failed to sign him from Evertonin ’62 then I don’t think it’s an exaggerationto say that there probably would neverhave been the world famous Super Leedsteam in the history books. You hear peo-ple talking about phoenixes rising from theashes etc, well it was Bobby Collins whoprovided the spark to start the fire in thefirst place! My Dad has always said that Iwas christened Robert after Bobby C,though my Mum has always disputed it.As long as it wasn’t after Stokoe, I’m notthat fussed! As a kid, I grew up idolisingall the famous Leeds players, with Lorimer,Gray, Charlton and Madeley probablybeing the favourites, depending on whatmy mood was. Thousands of samegeneration kids across Leeds and the UK

will have had similar obsessions as me.I’ve often wondered: if you asked a knowl-edgeable football supporter to nameeither the England eleven who won theWorld Cup or the Super Leeds eleven,which would be the quickest correctanswer? Personally, I think it would bethe Leeds team.Without giving too much away of the plotof Jimmy’s story, I’ve played Sunday

league football for well overtwenty years so I wouldhope that some of myobservations about ‘pubfootball’ do ring true, plusI’ve had some bizarre andpretty nasty injuries in foot-ball as well. Too many infact, and I’ve retired fromplaying for my team (CrossFlatts XI) just recently. Imade some great friendsover the years playing forthat team, notably many ofthe lads who played forSwarcliffe WMC who weused to have some realbattles with but good times

away from kicking lumps out of each othertoo. I’m currently working on two new books,one a novel about England FC in the 70sand one a factual ‘alternative history’ ofmy favourite current band The Stranglers.I chucked in ‘proper’ employment in 2008so as to concentrate on finishing DirtyLeeds. At the time I was working for acharity organization in Middleton – I’mhoping to return to similar work in the nottoo distant future, but for now I’ve got toomany books to finish!

‘Dirty Leeds’ by Robert Endeacott is avail-able online from Tonto Books or Amazon,plus all good bookshops, including the LURetail shop. He would like to stress thatthere is very little ‘X Certificate’ material inthis particular book!

It might have become cliched torant about the OTT consumerism that goes onaround this time of year but I don't care.There's still a few weeks to the big day andquite frankly I've had enough already....I was dragged over to one of those Americanstyle shopping malls last week. I don't likethese places at the best of times but at Xmastime they could quite easily be used in placeof Chinese Water Torture. Ten minutes insideone of these places, listening to the sickening-ly cheesy modernised Xmas carols would beenough to test the resolve of even thestrongest minds. And if the songs are notenough, the crowds are a nightmare. You can'tturn left or right without colliding with somemanic, deranged fellow shopper who looks likean extra from Dawn of the Dead, desperate tofind this years 'in gift for little Johnny.' And if Isurvive that, I will be forced to 'celebrate' withpeople I have nothing in common with andhate with a vengeance. That's right theextended family. The very odd tradition ofspending time with family must have beenmade up by some crazed masochist, eitherthat or someone tipped over the edge after aday in a shopping mall. The fawning, falsecheeriness does my head in and cheap, nastygifts are passed around quicker than swine flu.Only the young kids seem to enjoy it and theymake sure no-one gets any peace by turningwhose ever house it is into a raucous, squeal-ing bedlam, assuring my nerves are never farfrom screaming with pain. Oh yeah, the gifts,it's stupid and not natural. I'm forced to go forhours round these hell hole shopping malls,looking for a gift for someone I can't standonly for them to silently evaluate how little I'vespent on them in comparison to their gift tome. And don't bother sending me cards.These are the biggest waste of money andnatural resources ever thought up by mankind. I never buy cards, so when a new workcolleague (the others know better) comes upto me, smiling and brandishing a gold enve-lope there's always an awkward moment whenI don't give them one back. Usually theydon't do it again but there's always theextremist's who thrust one of their hideous,

unwanted little pieces of card board at me everyyear forgetting it's taken half a rain forest to raiseabout 3p for some charity ('cos charity cards arethe cards to buy.) And don't get me going about work colleagues atthis time of year. Most of the year I manage toavoid the team building and bonding sessions.Unfortunately even the miserable boss feels theneed for every one to get down and get touchyfeely at the infamous office party. And why do theyinsist in trying to make the drab, dreary but func-tional office into Santa's ghetto. Offices and facto-ries are drab and dreary for two reasons, to allowyou to work without distraction and appreciatehome when you finally get there. Eleven months ayear we all accept this but for one month theyemerge from their stupor with a feeble attempt toinject colour and humour into the place. Whichmight be all well and good but it makes the placelook drab, dreary and very very sad once the dayhas passed and people drift sheepishly back to thework place and the office runt is told to clear upthe mess. Those who want to climb the ladder goback to what they do best, back stabbing andundermining their colleagues while the rest oncemore accept their insignificant cogs whose onlysatisfaction is that one day they'll be dead andwon't have to come here anymore.And they reckon it's all about giving. Try telling thatto the bloke who nicked the only parking spaceremaining at the mall, or the woman that pushedpast me in her desperate search for Johnny's elu-sive 'must have or we'll all die toy.' It's not a givingtime apart from the car park bloke who gave meloads of abuse, it's a selfish time, people are onlyconcerned about themselves and their own familyand God help anyone that gets in their way.And don't get me going about, Santa Claus -whenelse do you encourage your first born to sit on afat, bearded strangers lap. Don't get me started onhouses full of lights, Polar Express et al on telly,the frenzy of bulk buying (there only shut for about24 hours these days y'know, we'll survive)Y'know the only good thing about Xmas is the littlebags of coins the Sweet Shack are doing. I'mgoing down the Arndale, grabbing about a dozencopies of this mag and presenting them all withcircled elves. Xmas shopping all done in one fairswoop.

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