Dzongsar on Love and Relationships

DZONGSAR JAMYANG KHYENTSE RINPOCHE ON LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

A talk in Singapore on 8 April 2012... (Part 1/4)

I believe that we are going to talk about relationship and love, and all those stuff today. And probably I’m not the right person to talk about these things. But on the other hand, I maybe the very right person, because, mmm, this maybe a little bit uncomfortable for some of you to hear. But I have many teachers that I have received teachings from. They are I would say, really, eh, Buddha in person – their kindness, compassion, their tolerance, and, and in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, it is believed the guru comes in many different manifestations. So, in this context, I would

say that I have also learned some, something so precious and awakening from a girl whom I fall in love – madly.

Eh, I tried to call her last night, but I could not mention her name; but she’s not available. So right now, all I could say she’s a Dutch – very beautiful, free-spirited; eh, and her parents are kind of Bohemian hippie, you know. So this was when I was around early twenties; and with the permission of my main teacher, and I decided to go to London to study. And for the first time, I left the traditional surrounding where there’re things like brocade as a table cloth, high thrones, eh, attendants; basically, mm, almost like godly life in one way.

I went and; I went to London and I was alone. And I learnt a lot of things like making breakfast, for instance. And going to supermarket and almost buying a cat food thinking that it is for human beings. So it was a big lesson. Actually I dare say this, but many younger generation lamas, Rinpoches, really, you know, extreme, eh, esteemed high lamas - I think they should go through this. So this is what I suggest actually; it should be in the part of Rinpoche’s training curriculum.

They should fall in love; and of course, they should make toast and go to supermarket, so on and so forth. But they should also fall in love and then this girl should reject him. Because then we know what is suffering. Because until then when we talk about the truth of suffering, we are always talking about things that are written in the books, like death, old age, sickness, all abstract stuff. Most of the lamas don’t know what is meant by paying bills, you know, the pleasure of living in a modern society.

I have learnt a lot, but most importantly this girl taught me a lot. I have, because I was completely, madly in love, I think; and because she was very free-spirited – really, extremely free-spirited, I would say. Growing, I think she grow up in a hippie community, so for her; like she was, like amazingly free-spirited. Sometimes she; we would travel in the subway and then she would, you know, nudge me and say “What do you think of that boy?” You know, like somebody travelling, you know, just ordinary passenger. And before long she would be talking to him, and then after a few days they were already together – a night or two – not long. You know, she discarded him also. She, in her own way, she was very loyal to me and, but it was so PAINFUL!

And here I’m supposed to be the lama who’s supposed to teach the free spirit, non-attachment, do whatever you want. And there’s this girl, jolly, all the time happy, and really giving me a really precious teaching. I must really consider her as one of my awakening teachers; so special, I would say. So, I can, I think, in some ways maybe I could, I could talk about relationship. (Pause)

In Buddhism, I’m sure many of you know we talk about love and compassion. But when we talk about love and what we’re supposed to discuss this time, the love – they are different. In Buddhism and especially in Mahayana Buddhism, but not only in Mahayana actually; in Buddhism we talk about metta, karuna, but this kind of love taught in Buddhism is what we call limitless love. Some of you who are familiar with the Buddhist concept of Four Limitless Thoughts, you would know. In fact, love is the first thing out of four limitless practice we are introduced. (Tibetan phrase) And definition of the love is wishing all sentient beings to be happy and not only to be happy, but to have the sense of gathering the cause of happiness.

And such kind of love is aimed at ALL sentient beings. Therefore the object is limitless. Such kind of love has no personal agenda. So from the intention point of view, it is limitless. Such kind of love is not only aimed at acquiring happiness in the sense of, you know, mundane happiness. But this kind of love is really, eh, aimed at true happiness which is enlightenment or in other words, to awaken from net of delusion. So, eh, it is limitless. It is not limited as how we, mm, you know, the ordinary concept of love.

Eh, those who are coming – no need to do prostrations – okay, yeah, please. We could have done this in the same place as last night – in front of the holy shrine. And the purpose of moving to Post Office is so that we can talk some unwholesome stuff. And the prostrations and all of that, kind of, it’s a, maybe not necessary; and besides that, it distracts me.

So, love and relationship; what’s the time now? Okay. Love and relationship that we are, you know, expecting to discuss, is really not taught in Buddhism. I have to tell you that. This is why I always think Buddhism is not going to grow so much. Buddhism deals with the truth. Truth is something that generally people are not that interested. Buddhism talks about things like impermanence, eh, illusion – not many people are interested in those things. So with this, if you go through sutras or shastras; (attendant talks to Rinpoche about the mike) no problem – okay, can you hear now? Eh, what was it that I was saying? Oh, yeah. So in the sutras and

shastras there is no mention of marriage ceremony, for instance. This is; Buddhists don’t have marriage ceremony, I tell you - this is true.

Many, many traditional Buddhists like in Korea, Japan are becoming Christians now because they don’t have a good marriage ceremony. It’s nice to wear wedding gown, bouquet, the music – and all of those are important but Buddhists don’t have. And I always say this. If I make one; a Buddhist marriage which actually I’m trying to kind of gather some ideas, something related to Buddhist marriage; but if I really do it authentically, it’s not going to work. It will be something like; the couples in front of me and I say “Oh well, you know, things are impermanent. (Laughter and Applause) It might not work like after a few days”. More, more likely, Buddhists would have a divorce ceremony, actually.

So love and relationship are not taught as it is an institution that you need. But love-an-relationship kind of love is, of course taught in the Buddhist teachings, but as a problem; not as something that you, sort of, you need to establish. It is sort of; the attitude of the Buddhists talking about love and relationship – always there’s a little bit of suspicion, you understand – if you like, some kind of suspicion. But of course, the Buddhists know the people, no matter what; people will still keep on falling in love; people will still get married; people will still strive for relationship. So one could give some advice on how to have a proper love and relationship, I guess. There’s a question regarding access. One could kind of, you know, relate to some of the Buddhist wisdom. We could discuss these things here and there. And this is what we’ll attempt to discuss today. And then; I went through the questions; there are many. I don’t know whether we could finish all of them but we’ll try and see.

Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche: "ON LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS" A talk in Singapore on April 2012... (Part 1/4)

(Transcribed from YouTube video “Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche on Love & Relationships”)


A talk in Singapore on April 2012... (Part 2/4)

I think it is a Korean film. Koreans are so good with their love story movies. They’re really good. I think it’s a Korean film. I don’t remember the name of the film or the director. It’s quite a good film I saw a long time ago. It’s about two maids; well, a servant and a maid; a servant from one family and another, a maid from another household. And they both serve very affluent, rich families. You know, they do all the house, household chores. And they; these two are madly in love. And they, they’re poor but what they decide to do; both families – they’re kind of like yuppies so they have no time staying at home. So many times, eh, both families – they’re overseas, you know, not at all at home anyway. You know the real human beings who actually stay in the house happens to be the maid and the servant; from both, different households though. It’s such a good film.

And then they use the house of their boss, maybe not the right thing to do, but you know, there’s the flower, there’s the big, big bed; you know, like champagne, wine glasses, candle-light dinner, all of that. They, they kind of like, they exercise their love making, relationship, all of that, you know, in a borrowed place basically. In many ways, our love and relationship is a bit like that. And the reason is, this is where the Buddhist wisdom comes in. We are all dependent on condition. None of us have control over anything. Forget external things. We can’t have control over what we’ll be feeling or thinking the next minute. When it comes, it comes. Then it will just blow you, push you, pull you, stretch you, flatten you - we are totally conditioned. We are so dependent. And it’s not getting easier. Modern life, modern structure, infrastructure is making us even more dependent on different things and even faster.

A rejection from your partner could come instantly in a SMS, you understand. In the past, you may, it may take like a month to walk, but this is no more the case. So our emotions, the stressful life is like a rollercoaster, but anyway, the point is conditioning, we are ruled by conditions. And trying to have; this is good to be aware of. Trying to have a love, romance, candle-light dinner, relationship within this

situation where everything is dependent on so many things. Now think. I think it’s quite a good awareness to have this because one of the biggest problem with the love and relationship is something called ‘taking things for granted’ – isn’t it?

When a couple meets; a week, two weeks – fantastic, you know; and then a month for those people who are kind of slow in their thinking; a month, even a year. Then due to all kinds of situation - stress, responsibility, morality, eh, I don’t know depression; mm, you end up taking things for granted, especially your partner. You expect, you know, if, if your partner SMS you every half an hour. And one day this partner, I don’t know, maybe she or he has a diarrhea problem or something, I don’t know – forgets to SMS within half an hour. Then it bothers you, it bugs you. Then you will ask “Why do you do it? What happened?” – All of this. So I think to have awareness of this fact that we are so dependent on cause and condition, everything; that awareness might create a space and a boundary; but fundamentally though this leads to another point.

Love and the intention of having a relationship is very much based on insecurity. Love becomes a complete love when you feel; you are satisfied with this notion of being loved by the other side. You know, I write sometimes film, so there’s a different genre that you can write, you know, like comedy, thriller, whatever. You know, romance, this is something interesting. If you like, if you want to read, if you want to write a romantic film, the core, sort of, the – it has to work right, the romantic film has to work – what works a romantic story is it has to have a failure. It has to be, you know, it has to have that, eh, what you call it – the love should not work. Only then the love works. This is interesting. If you look at all the great romantic stories like Romeo and Juliet, the only reason why we love it – it was a tragedy. So the love has this tragic…If, I guess, this is why; eh, maybe I shouldn’t say this. Let me think about it. I still have to go and do my, eh, things. I still, I don’t want to be fired from my job. So I, I have to place limit in what I say too.

Yes, insecurity – that is like a, like the blood of love, I feel. (Pause) You know, we like, we love our pet dog, you know, dogs. Do you know we kind of love our dogs, pet, cat, whatever; kind of much more than, sort of, eh, successfully than our human pet. Because dogs don’t talk to us; I mean they do but, you know, you don’t understand. They do a few things like wagging the tail and stuff like that. So then, you know, we do, not complicated. But our partners – they talk and then, of course, you listen and you hear, or you don’t listen and you don’t hear.

This is, this is a big one – communication, ah. I was just telling to some of my friends – there is no such thing as communication. This is actually said by the great, one of the great Nyingma masters, Jigme Lingpa. He said “The moment we think, it is a confusion; and the moment we say something, it is a contradiction.” There is no such thing as communication. There are only two things. There is a successful miscommunication, and unsuccessful miscommunication. And when you have unsuccessful miscommunication, you are having a good time. When, when misunderstanding is not working, then, only then, you are having a good time. Of course, when the real miscommunication happens, of course, you are - communication between two partners – so difficult. What they are assuming, what the partner is assuming or expecting or afraid of, we don’t know. We can sort of gather, we can sort of guess based on some of the things that happen in the past. But emotions, the mood is like the weather. It changes all the time due to all kinds of things – hormone, too much sugar in the tea, I don’t know; endless, endless cause and conditions, as we talked earlier. Because we are all dependent on conditions; we are ruled by conditions.





So we will come back to the communication a little bit later but first if we have problem with the communication, how do we share things? Ah, this is a big one. You know, everything about relationship is sharing. Now let me be a little bit, eh, very; here let me bring some of the Buddhist, eh, Buddhist, I don’t know, wisdom or Buddhist understanding of sharing. In Buddhism, there is no such thing as sharing. We can assume that you are all looking at the same flower, except the same flower as the flower that I am looking at. But that is only an assumption. What you see, I will never see; not only the direction or the colour but you know, your idea of flower, your idea, I don’t know – the good, all that paraphernalia of this flower. An individual experience; you can try your best describing this to somebody and this person, your partner assume that he or she has, she is, he or she is looking at the same thing. This is, this is very unlike Buddhism. If you read the classic Buddhist text like the sutras; it all begins with “Thus have I heard”. Once Buddha was here, there, you know, like that. “Thus have I heard.” It’s a very important statement, because Ananda’s saying “I don’t know what he talked, but this is what I have heard.” It works like that in a relationship. When two couples in love, they may think that they are sharing this exquisite, blissful moment but both sides are hearing, experiencing, seeing their own version of bliss or pain, or whatever.

Now this, we are going quite, quite deep into the Buddhist psychology. But the reason why I want to say this – the, eh, communications – because in relationships communication happens to be a very important factor, right. So that this is why; I think this is why the relationship shrinks can help you, because at least, to a certain extent, not entirely. Because there is a successful misunderstanding happening between the two partners, you then hire another person who hopefully will hear things and misunderstand unsuccessfully. And then this shrink, psychologist or this, eh, therapist, would then give his or her own opinion. Many times it doesn’t work but, you know, eh, such is the human, eh, sort of attitude that, you know, we have this habit of fixing things. We like to fix things. We like to mend things, this kind of, you know like eh, updating your software, you know like it’s the fun kind of fixing. It, it, of course, it’s a pain, but, you know, it is also a fun, let us download the latest version; and that’s how we end our lives by downloading the new eh, thinking.

Later you ask the questions, but eh, there’re a few more things. Then in the, you know, in the drama of relationship there is one very, eh, there’s one powerful, there’s one powerful, eh, I don’t know, mental factor, should I say, that disrupts our relationship. And do you know what that is? It is the burden of being, burden of having to be nice. This is a burden, you know. This burden, you know, you feel you have to be nice – Oh, my god. Damn like opening the door, putting on the jacket, are you cold? Are you hot? Are you hungry? Do you want a little bit of this? The burden of needing to be nice – that, that KILLS the relationship many times – many times.

And you know, this, eh; and you try to be, you try to be nice, you know, you try to be nice to this person like, you know, opening the door, I don’t know, all of that; lifting the, eh, if you are a man, then after you pee, eh, no – before you pee, you lift it up, right? Eh, if you’re a man, after you do your bigger business, you put down, eh, things like that – you know all the small, small details.

Eh, in the process, you have taught your partner that’s what she is supposed to assume. And one day, you are going to fail doing this. Then all the miscommunication begins. But insecurity is still not going to let go. Shall I tell you one of the biggest symbols of insecurity that we have? – Ring. Ha (sigh), exchanging the ring and then, a few minutes it’s going to be so ridiculous, then go to a court - a sign we are married. These are basically insecurity talking, insecurity expressing. Actually, the whole term ‘marriage’, I think should be changed now. I think the marriage is outdated. It’s like last century’s term actually. Now I think you should really call it ‘company’. It’s for economical reasons – right? And produce – maybe children. I think you’ll have a lesser expectation and probably nicer relationship because you have less expectation. It’s a company. And husband and the wife are shareholders of this company, and therefore you can have a proper, you know meeting, and disagreements and agreements, all that. But anyway, these are signs of insecurity. What time is it? Okay, we take a break like ten minutes break, ten, fifteen minutes. (Applause)

(After the short break) You may have assumed that I’m, I’m kind of anti-love and relationship; that’s not true. Eh, I’m all for it actually. Anyway when the karmic wind blows, if you are not strong enough we’re like a feather in the wind. Wherever the wind blows, there we will be moved. Many of you, I am sure you think you’re in control. That, that’s it; now I’m past middle age, you know, chances of me becoming, playing this stupid game of relationship and love is over. This is what you may think! But we don’t know. You know, karmic wind from the least expected place such as Bolivia or, I don’t know, Rwanda might; the karmic wind might blow towards you and the next you might eh, find yourself madly, truly, deeply, head over heels in love with the Rwandan, Bolivian, Chilean, I don’t know, something that, you know, you least expect. This can happen - we don’t know.

So, same with me, really; you know, my, in my tradition, in the lineage that, eh, I belong to, not really lineage but sort of the custom, you know – I could get married. So, eh, when I was around seventeen, there was, you know, talk about some people saying that I should get married. And people actually, sort of suggest, you know, some, eh, you know like a two suggestions of bride basically. And I went to my father; my father is quite unique. He, himself, is a practitioner, was a practitioner. So

I asked him what does he think. He looked at me and said “Well”; but actually my question was – I think; you know, I was very, I myself, I thought until I met that Dutch girl, I thought I was very free-spirited. And you know like, I don’t know, you know, especially when I was seventeen, eighteen, I was very much, you know, like ‘relationship, love…grr’ (Rinpoche grimaces); you know it’s like, it’s kind of, it’s like a such a disgusting thing to do, you know, like… Because I was also trained and brought up in a monastic, partly monastery where there’s a lot of ordained monks. I guess maybe there’s the influence. So I went to my father; I asked him, you know “I think I’m going to get ordination, I think I want to become a monk.” He looked at me and he said “Well, do whatever you like. But if you are asking me, you, between getting married and becoming a; eh, what, eh, becoming a monk and getting married, they are equally difficult.” (Laughter). And he said, he, he said a lot of things. He said – well, at least in the married situation, you will be less hypocritical. And that was good. That was very good advice, I think.

So I’m not being anti-relationship here but many times what we are lacking; everything we do is the, you know, being objective basically. So we get caught up, we get entangled with certain value. Ah, and this, this, this is a big subject, I think especially in our society, in the Asian society. There’re so many, I know so many, especially girls, the Asian Chinese origin; by the time they reach around the age twenty-five, they get SO stressed because they, they’re in the midst of this whole society that’s looking at them “Why are you still not married?” And I really feel for them because their parents, the older generations – they value the marriage. But the world has changed in many different levels. This modern world is, as much as we like to have relationship, we want to make merry, we want to throw parties, we want to get together, we want to rub our shoulders, and we want to rub, you know, others’ part of the body, stuff like that.

But, but we are also; we also alienate ourselves so much, SO MUCH. Really it’s happening, you know, like in every level. I mean, instead the family used to have no television, so they are forced to eat together. So there, there’s some kind of relationship at least. Now the family has different rooms and different television in each room. And they all have different channels and people have to watch their own favourite program. So we alienate ourselves.

Then there is the Facebook, Twitter, eh, fast, you know, sort of broadband – methods of alienating ourselves. Eh, and then, of course, it’s expensive; you know, costly, you know, relationship is so not cost-emotionally it’s expensive, but even, you know, financially it can be very expensive. So; but there is this pressure, I feel, especially to the girls in this, in a particular society, eh, that they need to get married.

For, I don’t know, but for all of this, it helps us to be objective. I’m sure, including myself; we will end up doing everything opposite of what we talk today. But it’s good to have that objective view about our life; and ideally remind ourselves, remind ourselves, remind ourselves this fact so that we are not, you know, hundred percent disappointed.





Because we build; I remember telling, giving this example – our life is like trying to put three strawberries on the top of each other. You know, you put one strawberry on top of one and then you try to put another one. And it doesn’t work because they’re slippery and they’re bodily shaved, but the problem is the second one kind of sat on the first one; you know, strawberry, the problem is the second one sat on momentarily, and that gives us some hope it may work. But life, in general, it never works. You know, eh, it fails and how many; some of you younger generation might know, might not be aware of this crux – the older generation – we know, how many times we tried to fix and have so-called happily, what, living for ever - that situation, the Bollywood experience. How many times we try to have that; never really, really work – never really, really work. Eh, but I like to also say; I’m sorry I’m scattered here

and there but when I think, when I remember something, eh, I have to say, otherwise I’ll forget.

One should not be afraid of relationships too, you know. If the relationship comes to you from a very odd corner, I don’t know; if it comes to you, you should be confident and accept it. Let the life flow. You know, you will never know; you will, you know. Eh, I have actually encountered people who are past, you know, like fifty, you know like both man and woman – and suddenly they find themselves being admired by, you know younger people. Then they get so flustered and so, you know, like agitated, what to do and you know like; they kind of happy, you know, inside and at the same time they are afraid “You know, I don’t look good any more, I look saggy” – all of this, you understand.

When the karmic wind blows and I will tell you something. I can’t mention the name. This one, definitely I cannot mention the name. When I was seven years old, seven, eight – I had a strong crush with a, one Rinpoche’s mother (laughter). She was like maybe around like forty-five. Oh, my god; SO STRONG crush – I remember this so clearly that if anybody’s talking to her, besides the Rinpoche, the son, I get jealous and I get like “What is this guy doing?” – You understand. And many, many, many hours, many, many days I would kind of make story about life with her – so ridiculous, isn’t it? This is; she never knew, of course not (laughter), but she was very beautiful, I have to say. But many, many of you know this Rinpoche so I cannot tell you the name. (Laughter) Then I will be really jobless.

This, this could happen to you, and when this happens, you should not be, because the SAME reason, the same reason why everything is dependent on condition, the same reason why we should not blindly fall for the value of the relationship; with the same reason why we should not be afraid of the relationship also. If it comes to you; tomorrow if you find yourself some, you know, and if you like this person; and of course, if this person is sleazy and you know like, eh, not your type, then of course, you either skillfully or directly avoid. But if you have a certain, eh, what is it? Lizard, lizard or butterfly in the belly? Which one, mm? Well butterfly, right? Butterfly – yes; if there’s a butterfly in your belly upon seeing this person, by all means go for it. But from Day One, make sure that you will not be trapped by expectations and hope - from the Day One. If you do that, I think you will have a proper relationship.

So, actually, you know, I was telling you earlier – Buddhist marriage; couple’s about to get married - not a bad idea if a, if the priest say “Well, you know, we never know what will happen to you two. You may even fall apart tonight” - that maybe not a bad

idea to express this. It may sound very inauspicious. It might, you know, like eh, worry some overly protective in-laws, but maybe it’s not a bad idea to actually talk the truth about separation and you know, fragility, fragility of eh, so-called married, marriage and relationship, and eh. But anyway, in or something more practical now; maybe we talk too much all the..; something more practical.

So, let’s say you’re already, you already have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a wife or a husband; you’re stuck basically, let’s say you’re already happened – now what do we do? Now after we discussed this, should we go ahead or should we all become monks? Remember, I’ve given you the examples. That, I would say, if you already have a partner; I think it’s important to remember in Buddhism, the whole idea, especially in Mahayana Buddhism - the core purpose of practicing Mahayana Buddhism is to give liberation to all sentient beings. Liberation, liberation means freedom basically. And many times, giving freedom to so-called all sentient beings is a bit like building a ladder to the sky. It’s almost abstract, it’s like unthinkable, ALL sentient beings? Maybe, my neighbour, yes; maybe like a few hundred maybe, but ALL sentient beings – that’s a bit too much. You know it’s like abstract.

But even though one may not be able to liberate and give freedom to all sentient beings, we can at least start with giving liberation and freedom to one’s own partner, husband and wife. And that’s very practical advice, l, I must say. Many times, when we are having relationship, it’s basically standing each other, choking each other’s and that’s not a relationship. You should really give freedom to each other, who your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend text things to, who you know, he or she hanging around with, you know, freedom, give space, freedom; and I think this is important. Actually even if you have a really good relationship, I would suggest to retreat yourself from your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, at least one hour a day. Don’t talk, don’t text, don’t communicate, nothing. I think it would help.

Anyway, lastly I will conclude this so that we can go on with the questions. Shakyamuni Buddha himself said – you, we must all treat our life, our so-called family life, whatever, as an experience of (Tibetan phrase) which is basically ‘hotel’. It is like a hotel. In the big hotels people check in and people check out, you understand. This is how it is. Our life is like that – new friends check in; old friends check out, you understand. And this is such an amazing teaching because this is how our life is. If you can think that this is the, this is the beauty of temporariness. You know, temporary stuffs are so nice. It’s very blissful and it’s beautiful. When things are stagnant and forever, it stinks. You should think that this life with my husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend - this is a, it is very temporary, even though you

may not break up for this breathing life, one of these days, one of you will have to die.

And when you die, you go separate. After you die, probably for three days, you may remember your wife’s and husband’s name. By the fourth and fifth day, you’ll only remember half the name. By about the tenth day, you don’t even remember whether he was she or she was she, maybe he is he, she is he. Then by around twentieth day, you don’t even know that there is a human being. Then the next life’s force begins to creep in. For instance, if you are going to, about to reborn as a bird, your love and admiration; you know that sort of always wanting to smell your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever – that, that’s being replaced by feeling famished when you see a worm. Because you’re about to become a bird now, you know; and feels like, you know feels like flying, so on and so forth. And by then, so-called beloved husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend – that chapter is closed. And then next time you see, you might reborn as a pigeon and sit, you know, eat, I don’t know, breadcrumbs, you know, next to your ex-wife or ex-boyfriend, or girlfriend, in front – you wouldn’t even notice. And he or she will also not notice; and that’s how we, mm, that’s how, eh, sort of play the samsaric game, you know.

It will be amazing if we can actually go somewhere up there (Rinpoche points to the sky) and look down at every life that we have in our previous lives. In fact, this is what Arhats, they can do that; you know, they go up and they look. It will be just so sad, and happy and joyful, and just amazing. How many people must have hanged themselves for the love of you? How many people have starved for the love of you? And you, yourself, how many times you have hanged for loving, for the sake of love and relationship for others. This, so remembering the temporariness; and this is not only for the relationship. Everything; this cup of coffee could be my last. This book that I am holding could be the last book that I am holding. And if you can have that kind of mindfulness, then you begin to really enjoy love, you know. Really, wow, what a good book (Rinpoche flips through a book) because otherwise we are always thinking about the next thing – plan to live forever basically. Anyway, what did Shakespeare say? Parting is …what? Yes, I think he’s right. Sweet, sorrow is basically love and relationship.

THE END

Dzongsar on Love and Relationships

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