draconian measures #2

8/9/2019 draconian measures #2

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NUMERO DOS

WINTER 1990

TWO DOLLAR$

-O~6

- - - j

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TABLE 071 N'JlIIli'I'IJ

Gina BergaminoJune loth. .. I I , ..

A Friend' s Confesoion I ..

October Chill ,ISeventh Avenue ,; I , , , ..

Chris CauseyW he n a s to ne 1.0

William Dore skiRetreat of th

C ,S . Fuqu aAn other Paro n

Al an Go ldsmithAn Intorv 1ow w

1~IJit ,i'd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

................. ,. It ..

t hi I t . , . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.................. II 11.11 I ' ..

...................... i I i ..

It Ii" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

lU ll , II t I

II I " .tt ,t

ll"~ It' II I , .

i , .. ..

II' " ,.1 ,

I '1'

II, , 1 I ......... II

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I ~........ I I

.... I I I '"

I 1'1 1'1 ., " I ..

I II I I

I I I I I , ~ ..

I I .. .. ..

Con tri bu , NoL 11.1 I" II iii i ...... ..........

Editor: L ar ry O. DorinA r t: C a itlin Cli fford ,

d r ac o ni a n m e as u re s , p u b. by Zenit h DF ra nc is co , C A 9 41 19 . ( c) 1 9 90. Al l ri\1hu po n p ub li ca ti on . S en d a ll c orre spondang

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GIN A BERGAMINO

Sometimeso n a d ay l ik e t od ayI w an t t o b re ak o uta n d d a n ce a c ro s s l a wn sl i ke a b a re f oo t b a ll ~ ri n at o ss i ng j e ll y be a ns t o n e i g hb o rss in gi ng " I' m i n l o ve,I ' m i n l o v e. "

I : ! ,

S he t el ls m eh e f il ls u p h e r b o dyb ut l ea ve s h er m in d e mp ty& someday soon,s i le n t, t h e r a ge

wil l bur st ha rda n d l i k e a d a ng e ro u s w o ma ns h e' l l s h ou t s e ve n d i rt y w o rd sa n d p u l l a w ay .

I r e me m be r w h en l o vem e an t s n ea k in g i n th e H e n ni n g' s y a rdr o ll i ng i n s p il l ed b e er a n d l e a ve sm e w a n ti n g o n ly k i ss e syou wantingt o g e t i n m y b l ou se

wit h oct obe r chi llc o me s h a rd n i pp l est he s me ll o f b ur ni ng o aka nd m y l ip sunsatisfied


3/21

for Bill

How can I explainthe moment time stopped

between two streets

the moment trafficlight changes I stand

there breathlessmy stomach tightens to brick

s ay in g o h m y g o d

I c an 't b el ie ve I a m

h er e I a m n owmake me disappear,

be invisiblel if t m e o ff o f t~is point

right then, right there

my eyes lifted

t o s ee y ou .

CHRIS CAUSEY

I kept a strict diet of fruits and whole grain s, w is el y

c ut ti ng b ac k w hi le w e w er e o n t h e r oa d, k no wing that I wouldn't be

b ur ni ng a s m an y c al or ie s w hi le d ri vi ng . B ut A lison, ev er y t im e w e

would stop for gas or to use a restroom or buy a map, Alison would

p ick u p a b a g o f p o ta to c hi ps ( or a C ho co la te bar) and a c an of

s od a. W he n I o ff er ed h er a p ie ce o f f r ui t, s he suggested I pull off

at the next exit for a s lice of pizza or a b urger. S he w ou ld s it

i n t he p as se ng er s ea t a nd e at t he s tu ff i n a fren zy , l ik e s he

d id n' t e ve n e nj oy i t o r t as te any of it. S he w ou ld have chocolate

a ll ov er h er f in ge rt ip s a nd oil a ro un d h er m ou th from the potato

chips.W he n w e s t op pe d a t r estaurants, s he w ou ld t al k t o p eo pl e a t

other tables. She w ould ask them what it was like to live inMechanicsburg, pennsylvania or Sandusky, Ohio. S he w ou ld m ak e a

s pe ct ac le s om et im es a nd i mi ta te t he ir a cc en ts . S he s ai d t hi s w as

t o r e ac h t he m. S he s ai d s he k ne w h ow t o c o mm un ic at e w it h all levels of

people, a nd s he e ve n u se d t ho se e xa ct w or ds : all levels of people, w he n s he

e xp la in ed i t t o m e .I m et h er o n t he i slan d o f Ma rt ha 's V in ey ar d i n l at e M a y. S he

had another year at college and I was moving out west to California

a t t h e e nd o f t h e s um me r. L abo r D ay w as g oi ng t o b e t he e nd o f i t

f or u s , b ut h er s tu de nt l oa n d id n' t p as s, s o I o f fe re d f or h e r t o

c om e ou t w e st w it h m e i n m y V W v an , s ha re a r oo m w it h m e i n s om e

cool little town out there until her check came through in

II

December. T ha t w as m y m is take. I s ho ul d h av e k no wn t ha t w he n i t' s

ti me t o l ea ve t he I S,land, y ou l ea ve i t a nd d on't try to take any

o f i t wi th y ou , l ik e t he s to ne t ha t c au gh t y ou r e ye w he n t he s un

h it i t j u st r ig ht i n t he s ha ll ow s. Y ou p ut i t i n y ou r p oc ke t a nd

t ak e i t ho me a nd p la ce i t on y o ur m an te l n ext t o y ou r c ar ke ys a nd

y ou r p ho ne b il l a nd i t l oo ks n o d if fe re nt fro m a n y o t he r s he ll o r

rock. The lustre is gone.I t h ad b ee n m y t h ir d s um me r o n t he I sland and Alison's f ir st .

She bartended at The Breakers, and I poured drinks at The Islander.

I w ou ld g o a n d w a tc h h er w or k s om et im es when it was crowded there

and I d idn't have a s hift at m y place. She was deft. She was

athletic and cool and all response' t he w ay s he whipped the bottles

around and sped-poured the drinks--four, five, six at a time--and

t he n b in g o n t h e r eg is te r, c ha ng e o n t h e b a r, t ip i n t he t ip -g la ss

a nd A li so n l oo ki ng i nt o t he e ye o f t he n ex t t an c us to me r. She knew

it. S he h ad i t d ow n.

One night, I f ou nd a n e m pt y s to ol a t t he b ar a nd s ta ye d u nt ilnearly closing. I ordered fresh squeezed or an ge j ui ce a ll n ig ht t o

get her attention. She noticed me. People notice me." I wo rk a t T he I sl an de r, " I s ai d a bo ve t he m us ic a nd t he

voices and the energy. "I tend bar. Come by an d w at ch m e s ome

night."" I do n' t l ik e b ar s e xc ep t t o w or k, " s he s ai d a nd p ic ke d u p a

f ew s in gl es s om eo ne l ef t f or h er. " To o m uc h s mo ke ," s he s ai d,

waving her hand back and forth in front of her face. She went to

t he r eg is te r a nd s tu ff ed t he b il ls i n t he j ar n ex t t o i t. I c ou ld

s ee h er i n t h e m ir ro r, w at ch in g m e w a tc h t he m us cl es o f h e r c al f

move as she went up on her toes."S ee n y ou a t t h e N au ti lu s, " s he s ai d t ur ni ng a ro un d a ga in ,

" Yo u w or k o ut p re tt y h ar d. I c o ul d u se a g o od w or k o ut p ar tn er ,

someone who pushes me."W e w or ke d o ut f er vi dl y t og et he r, c on ce nt ra ti ng e ac h d ay o n

different body parts: chest, shoulders and triceps on Mondays and

Th ur sd ay s, b ac k an d b ic ep s o n T u es day s a nd F ri da ys , l eg s o n

We dn es da ys a nd S atu rd ay s. W e l if te d b ey on d t he p oi nt o f p ai n,

through the burning sensation of muscle fatigue and into ecstacy.

W e t o re t he r ic h f ib er s u nd er o ur s ki ns w it h z ea l, k no wi ng t ha twhen they re-grew, they would be bigger, shapelier. She would push

me wh en I t ho ug ht I d id n ot h av e a ny m or e s tr en gt h l ef t, w he n I

c ou ld n' t o r d i dn 't t hi nk I c ou ld g et t he b ar o ff m y c h es t o ne m or e

t im e. I wo ul d d o t h e s am e f or h er , w hi sp er in g c om ma nd s i n h er e ar ,

t el li ng h er s he h ad o ne m or e r ep et it io n i n he r, a nd s he d id . I w as

very fit, and so was Alison. We were both cut. Defined. When I held

my arm sidewa ys a nd f le xe d i t i n th e m i rr or , I c ou ld s ee t he t hr ee

muscles of the tricep. Most people don't even know that there are

t hr ee -- th at t he t ri ce p i s a t r ic ep b ec au se i t' s a ct ua ll y t hr ee

separate beautiful muscles. And Alison, she had the most developed

a bd om en I've ever seen on a w oman. Her body fat had to be down

below seven percent. She was a sorceress at sex too. Unearthly. She

had recently broken off with a three-and-a-half year boyfriend, and

was well-versed. She didn't want to go back on the pill for me

though. She said she couldn't h an dl e t he p i ll a ga in a ft er b ei ng o n

i t f o r s o l on g. T ha t w as f in e. R ub be rs w ou ld d o.


4/21

W e w e re m or e t ha n m id wa y t hr ou gh N eb ra sk a n ow , a nd i t w asr ai ni ng . A ll i t d id t hr ou gh t he w ho le s ta te w as r ai n. I c o ul dn 't

wa it to ge t to Co lo ra do .T wo h ou rs a go w e a t e a t a t r uc k s to p a nd h ad n' t s po ke n s in ce

t he n. T he g la re f ro m t he r ai n a nd t he h ea dl ig ht s o ff t he s li ckh ig hw ay w er e g et ti ng t o m y e ye s. E ve n t ho ug h t he d ri ve r' s s ea t o fa V W v an i s hi gh er u p t h an a c a r' s, y ou s ti ll c at ch r oa d- gl ar e o na r ai ny n ig ht . I t u rn ed m y h e ad t ow ar d A li so n a nd l oo ke d b ac kq ui ck ly a t t h e r o ad b ef or e I s t ar te d i n.

" Yo u u s ed t o b e s o c oo l t he w ay y ou w ou ld s it t he re a nd n ots a y a n yt h in g . Y o u n e ve r s a id a n yt h in g , a n d p e op l e t h ou g ht y o u w e rec oo l f or t ha t. Yo u w er e a p re se nc e. " S he d id n' t a nsw er , s o Ic on ti nu ed . " It e mb ar ra ss es m e w h en y ou s ta rt t al ki ng t o p e op le a to th er t ab le s, e sp ec ia ll y w he n y ou u se a p h on ey a cc en t, " I s a id .

" E xc u se m e f o r n o t k e e p in g u p m y m ys t iq u e, " s h e s a i d. " E xc u sem e f or h av in g f un ." S he r ea ch ed i nt o h er p ur se a nd t oo k o ut achocolate bar.

" An d t h at 's a no th er t hi ng , y ou 'r e e at in g l ik e a f o o l. W ha t i si t w it h a ll o f t h is j un k f oo d a ll o f a s ud de n? "" L et m e d r iv e ," s h e s a i d. " Y ou ' re t i re d ."" I' m n o t t ir ed . B es id es , I w an t t o d r iv e w he n t he w ea th er 's

l ik e t hi s. I t o ld y ou t he d ri vi ng r ul es ."" W el l , i f yo u 'r e n o t t i re d , y o u' r e b e in g a j e rk . " S h e g l a nc e d

a t m e s i d ew a rd s a n d t h e n l o o k e d d e f i n it i ve l y o u t t h e w i n d sh i el d" Do y o u k n o w h ow m an y b ag s o f p o ta to c hi ps y ou 'v e e at en s in ce

we le ft th e Is la nd ?" I ask ed ."Jesus!"" S ev e nt e en . Y o u' v e e a te n s e ve n te e n b a gs o f p o ta t o c h ip s s i nc e

we le ft Ma rt ha 's Vin ey ard --s ou r cr ea m an d on io n, sa lt and vi ne gar ,n a ch o c h ee s e, H a wa i ia n K e tt l e, b a rb e cu e d, u n sa l te d , l i gh t ly s a lt e d.Y ou r m o u th t as te s l ik e t he m w he n I k is s y ou ."

" Yo u d o n' t s t op t o c o m p la i n. "" An d y o u' re g et ti ng f at . I c an f ee l i t. I t' s l ik e a l i t tl e

e x tr a p u pp y s k in a l lo v er . "" J es u s, s h ut u p , w o u ld y o u p l e a se ! "" Wh y d o n' t y ou e xe rc is e w it h m e a t n ig ht ? A t l ea st I 'm t ry in g

t o s t ay f it u nt il w e c a n s et tl e d ow n a nd f in d a g y m t o l if t a t. "S he d id n' t s ay a ny th in g. S he l oo ke d d ow n a t t h e c an dy b ar a nd

s ta rt ed t o f i d dl e w it h t he f oi l w r ap pe r a t t h e e nd ." Wh y d o n' t y ou d o a n y th in g? " I a s ke d. I r u bb ed a t m y s or e e ye s

a n d t h en o p en e d t h em w i de a n d h e ld t h em t h at w a y u n t il t h ey b u rn e d." Wh y a m I h e re ?" s he s ai d. " Wh y a m I g oi ng a cr os s t he c ou nt ry

wi th th is ma n?"S he s ta rt ed t o u n wr ap t he c an dy b ar . H er h an ds w er e s ha ki ng

s om e w h en s he p ut t he f ir st p ie ce i n h er m ou th . " M- m- m- m, " s hes ai d, a nd s m i rk ed a t m e w it h h er m o u th w or ki ng t he c ho co la te . A tl e as t s h e h ad t h e c o mp o su r e t o s m ir k . " I 'l l t e ll y o u w h y I ' m h e re , "s h e s a id . " T he r e' s o n ly o n e f u c k in g r e as o n w h y I ' m h e r e , a n d t h at ' sb ec au se m y s t u de nt l oa n d i dn 't c om e t hr ou gh . I w as n' t g oi ng t o g oh om e, a nd I w as n' t g oi ng t o s t a y' on t ha t i sl an d a nd g et s tu ck w it hs om e f is he rm an f or t he w in te r. D on 't g et a b i g h ea d. T hi s c ho ic ei s n' t a n y b e tt e r, j u st different."

I t oo k t ur ns r ub bi ng f ir st o ne e y e t he n t he n ex t. I l i c ke d m yi nd ex f in ge r, p ut ti ng s om e s al iv a o n i t, a nd d ab be d s om e i n e ac h

e ye . I t w as s om et hi ng I d id w he n m y e y es w er e t ir ed ." Ok ay ," I s ai d, " as l on g a s w e' re o n i t, t ha t l oa n t hi ng

d oe sn 't m ak e a ny s en se t o m e b e c au se I k no w y ou r f ol ks a re l oa de d.W hy n ot j us t h it t he m u p f or t u i ti on ?"

" I w an te d t o p a y f or m y l as t y e a r w it h m y o wn m o n ey ." S he t oo ka no th er b it e o f th e ch oc ol at e b ar . -

" Th at 's b ul ls hi t, " I s ai d. " Th ey c ut y ou o ff ." I r u bb ed m ye ye s a ga in , d ig gi ng i n ha rd w it h t he s id e o f m y h a nd .

" Do n' t d o t h at ," s he s ai d. " I h at e i t wh en y ou r ub y o u r e ye sl ik e t ha t. I k e ep -wa it ing fo r on e to fal lo ut ."

" Do n' t t ry a nd c ha ng e t he s ub je ct . T he y c ut y ou o ff , d id n' tthey? Why? "

" If I t h ou gh t t ha t w as s om et hi ng y ou n ee de d t o k n ow , I w ou ldh a ve t o ld y o u. "

I w en t t o r ub m y e y es a ga in , b ut s to pp ed . I k n ew A li so n h adV is in e i n h er p ur se . S he u se d t o b r in g i t wi th h er t o t he b ea ch a ll

o f t h e t im e. A ft er w or ko ut s, w e u s ed t o g o t o t h e n u de b ea ch a tG ay he ad , g et h ig h, s ee i f a ny p hy si qu es p ar al le le d o ur s, a nd t al ka bo ut w ha t w e w o ul d c oo k f or d i nn er b ef or e o ur b ar te nd in g s hi ft s:f r es h b l ue f is h f i le t s w i t h w h ol e g r ai n r i ce a n d s t ea m ed b r oc c ol i ,o r s k in ne d b re as t o f c h i ck en ( br oi le d) w it h a g a rd en s al ad t op pe d

wi th cr ac ke d cr ab and le mo n jui ce . As we wa tc hed th e col or ed sa il so f t h e c at am ar an s a nd o th er s ma ll c ra ft o n t h e w a te r a nd l is te ne dt o t h e f am il ia r s ou nd o f t h e l i f eg ua rd 's w hi st le , w e r e ve ll ed i no ur p os t- wo rk ou t s or en es s, k no wi ng t he re w as o nl y o ne t hi ng t ha tf el t b e t te r, a nd w e a l w ay s h ad t ha t t o l o o k f o r wa rd t o.

" Ca n I h a ve t he V is in e? " I a s ke d. " My e y e s a re b ea t. "" I c an d ri ve ," s he s ai d. S he r ea ch ed i nt o h e r b ag a nd h an de d

m e t h e f am il ia r s qu ee ze b ot tl e. S om e c ho co la te w as s mu dg ed o n t h elabel.

I d o wn sh if te d a nd p ul le d t he v an o ve r o nt o t he s ho ul de r. It i lt e d m y h e a d b a ck a n d s q u ee ze d a f e w d r op s i n to e a c h e y e , l e tt i ngs om e e xt ra r un d ow n m y c h e ek s.

" I c an g ue ss w hy t he y c ut y ou o ff ," I s ai d w i t h m y h ea d b ac kl ik e t ha t. " It 's n ot t oo d if fi cu lt t o i m a gi ne w hy s om e r ic h g i r l' sp ar en ts t ak e h er c re di t c ar ds a wa y o r w o n' t p ay f or s ch oo l a nyl on ge r, b ut m os t g ir ls I k n ow a re n' t d um b e no ug h t o l e t t h ei r m om sf in d o ut . O r d i d y ou t el l h e r? " I h el d o ut t he V is in e f or h er t ot ak e b ac k f ro m m e .

S he s la pp ed t he b ot tl e f ro m m y h an d. S he d id n' t s ay a ny th in ge ls e. M y e ye s w er e c lo se d w it h t he d ro ps i n, a nd I i m ag in ed h er

s l um p ed o v er i n t he p a s s en g er s e at l o ok i ng a t t h e c a nd y b a r w r ap p eri n h e r h a nd s .

A flash of light went off in front of me when her fistc on ne ct ed w it h t he s id e o f m y h e ad . B ef or e I c ou ld d o a n yt hi ng , s he

wa s ou t th e do or .T he t hi ng o f i t w as , I r e al ly n ee de d h er , a nd I t hi nk s he

n ee de d m e. I j us t w an te d h er t he w ay s he w as b ac k o n t he I sl an d." I' m s or ry ," I s a id . I s a t t he re a nd t ur ne d o ff t he h ea dl ig ht s. Is hu t o ff t he m ot or a nd w at ch ed t he r ai n r un i n s he et s d ow n t he

wi nd sh ie ld. I li st ene d to th e so un d of it , th en th e no is e of ana pp ro ac hi ng c ar . T he e nt ir e i ns id e o f t he v an l it u p a nd t he n g r e wd ar k a ga in . F or a n i ns ta nt I c o ul d s ee t he c ho co la te b ar w ra pp er sa nd e mp ty b ag s o f p o ta to c hi ps a nd t he u nf ol de d s ta te m ap s.

7


5/21

W he n A li so n o pe ne d t he d oor, I wa s n e ar ly a sl ee p. She waspanting, soaked and mudd y.

"What have you been doing?" I as ked.S he d id n 't a n sw er. R ai n d ri pp e d f r om her we t b an gs d own

t hr ou gh t he m ud o n h er f ac e. S he h ad b ee n r unning. Her cheeksglowed. S he l oo k ed a t p e a ce with herself. Was it myoId Alison?

"D o y ou wa nt t o t owe l o ff?" I asked. I l eft my s ea t, duckingi nt o t he b ac k f or m y t r avel bag. I took a cle an towel from it andtossed it to her , still outside the van.

"You 'l l g et s i ck ," I said.She caught t he t owel an d h el d i t i ns id e the van so t he r ai n

wo ul dn ' t t o uc h it. She regarded i t fo r a m om en t a nd t hen climbedin, shutting the do or b eh i nd h e r, t h e v an be co mi n g d a rk a ga in. Iinched my wa y b ac k t o t h e d ri ve r's sea t, tryi ng n ot t o t o uc h heras I p as se d .

" I t h ou gh t I w o ul d m ak e e no u gh m on ey b ar te n ding t o pay forschool," s h e s a id s of t ly . "I really thought I c ou ld d o it on myown. II

She started stripping down and toweling herself dry, first herface an d h air, the n h er s houlde rs, c he s t a nd s to m ac h, t h en herlegs. I wa tc he d i n t he rearview mirror. Wh en a car or truc kapproached, she was illu mi n at ed g ra du a ll y a s th e s ha dows m ov edthrough the van. F or a m ome nt she was completely vi si bl e and t h encovered by darkness again. She wa s s o i nt en t in what she w a s d oing.She wa s a s m uc h a li ve a s I ever h ad s ee n h er.

I didn't say anything, b ut I re a ch ed b a ck and touched he r a ndthen left my seat entirely and crawl e d i nt o t h e b ac k w i t h h e r. Herskin was st il l c oo l f ro m the rain . She wa nt ed t o m a ke up too.

pou red. I pr ay ed a s t at e t ro op e r wo ul dn ' t s to p. T he r ain wasfreezing fo r September.

W he n t he c an wa s a l mo st e mp ty, I s t op pe d a nd h el d i t f or asecond. Her feet we re u p a ga in st m y s ho ul de rs. I h ad h er l eg spinned ag ai ns t m y c he st w i th m y l ef t f o re ar m , a nd h er a rm s weres h ak in g f r om the s trai n o f h ol di n g h er s el f u p.

"If you're pregnant, we can ke ep i t. You don't have to get ana bo r ti on t hi s time . We c a n s et tl e d own in Cal if or n ia t og e th er a n dyou know, h av e a l i t tl e f a mi ly . W e c a n d o i t. We c a n d o a ny t hi ng."

"J us t p o ur , y ou i di ot. Pou r!"

9

WILLIAM DORESKI

W e u s ua ll y c li m ax a t th e s a me ti m e, s o e v en wit h a r u bb er o n,it wa s v er y w et w he n we we re f inished. This time something was

wr on g. I c ou ld t el l . I t was t o o w et . W h e n I p ul le d o ut, I saw thatt he r ub b er h ad b r ok en a nd what wa s l e ft w as r o ll ed b ac k. I stayedcalm. I t h ou gh t f o r a s ec o nd abo ut not saying anything. It had beent oo p e rf ec t t o r u in this way . I t was something that sh ouldn't bespoiled.

"Jesus," she said."Is there something you can rinse with? Do y ou hav e an ything

li ke that?""I c an't believe this," s he s aid. "I f uc k ing can' t believe

this."" We ' re n ot t o o f a r fro m a t o wn. I c an dri ve t o a pharmacy andget some spermicide."

S h e t o re a wa y f ro m m e and started digging in the wel l in fronto f t h e p a ss en g er s ea t. When she cam e u p with a c an of C ok e a ndstepped back out in to t he r ai n w i t h i t, I t o l d h er I thoug ht that

was an old wiv es' tale."You idiot, g et o ut here and h e lp m e! " S he s to od n ext t o t he

va n, s ho ok u p t h e s o d a, an d s t a rt ed s ho o ti ng i t up herself. "Tur nme over," she yelled.

I c l im b ed o ut o f the van wi t h t h e w e t t ow e l Alis on u se d t o d ryherself wrapped around m e. W e f u mb le d a b ou t a s I gr ab b ed h er a nklesa n d t u r ne d h e r u p s ide-down. S he h an de d t he c an up to me, a nd I

A ll d ay t h e p l u mb er s t hu n de rin the kitchen, their wrenchesso h ea vy a nd c r ue ll y s e ns ua lt h e s ou n d o f t h e m, m et al o n m e ta l,

withers my f le sh . I n my s t Ud y,crouched over usele s s n o te s, I marvela t t h e r et r ea t o f t h e s ex ua lf ro m m y l i fe . E ve n t h e m em oryof my first encounter, in a carp ar k ed o n a s n ow y w o o ds r oad,can 't s ti r m e t o the slightes t f ai thin t h e b o dy 's r eg en e rativeforc e . I n st ea d, I t h in k o f t h e surfat Point Lobos, backpaddlingsea otters, pelicans n od din go n t h e b l uf f c onglomerate boulders.S uc h i n no ce nc e c an 't b e p reservede xc ep t b y t h e c o l de st a ct of will,cryogenic sentiments grievingfor the abstract, heartless future.Th e p lu mb e rs r a tt le t he pi pe s a nd smokea nd s pe a k s o l o u dly their voicesstall like old-fashioned biplanesin the p o in tl es s b l ue. Too coldto walk i n t he w oo ds and absorba h ea dy d os e o f s i l en ce. My booksreproaCh me, page after pageunread, unloved. Noise convergesli ke a n i ci cl e in m y h e ar t,real worlds displacing mere imagery,t he s h oc k o f h a rd e ne d s t ee l a s f i n elyt un e d a s t h e p oe try of Yeats.T he h an d s o f t h e p l um b er s c rawllike creatures fresh fr om t he s ea,the ir b ig r ub b er y f a ce sc om p le te l y e r as in g m y o w n.


6/21

C.S. FUQUA

I n g r a y, w e t c o l d ,s h e l a u g hs , s a ysI s h ou ld d o w el l o n t h e r oa d,b e in g t w el v e w i t h n o m o n ey ,t a ki n g o n ly t h e c l o th e s I ' m w ea r in ga nd n o f oo d, n o w ay t o g et i t

wit h not hin g to off er.I s a v e m y b r ea t h,hang tough in w a itf o r t h e m o me n t

whe n I wil l pos ses st h e m e ag e r r e qu i re m en t s t o l e a ve.

Ir

A w e e k l a te r ,I a m r u nn i ng a n yw a y,b u t w i t h h e r,f l ee i ng i n st e ad f r om h i m,t o h i de f or y e ar s i n t he h ou seo f h e r s i st e r a n d b r o th e r-in-law,h e ar i ng t r ue s t or i es o f t e rr o ra n d i n f id e li t y, t w is t ed b y t i me.S h e r e l is h es s e ei n g m y f a ce r e dd e n

wit h the me nti on of his na me,t he c ol or o f m y h a t ef u el i ng h e r o w n f i re ,b u t w h en c h il d ho o d r a gef a de s i n to m i d li f e p l ea sf o r a t r uc e , f o r f r ie n ds h ip ,she mutters daggers:

H ad i t n ot b ee n f or y ou ,I w o ul d n ot h av e l ef t!

T he n s he s na ke s h er a rm s o ut t o m e,s n if f li n g h e r l o v e,a s i f t h r ee w o rd sa nd a f ew t ea rsa re g oo d e no ug h f orresurrections.

uJAL/ PH \Ll/ PS


7/21

A l AN G O LDSMITH

W on de rf ul m us ic i s s up po se d t o b lo w y ou a wa y. I t i sn 'tbackground filler, it isn't disposable. I t s h o ul d t o uc h yo u r s o ul,a t l e as t a l i tt le b it . I f ir st h ea rd t he c ow bo y J un ki es a t 3 a.m.o n a n A n n A rb or s ta ti on. I wa s d ep re ss ed a nd h er e c om es t he CJve rs io n o f t he H a n k W il l ia m s c l assic, "I 'm S o L o n es om e I C o ul d C ry "a nd t ha t d id i t. A s m us ic f ro m t h e h ea rt b ec om es m or e a nd m or erare, t he C ow bo y J un ki es a re l ik e a ng el s i n t he n ig ht. S o I c o n ne dmy wa y i nt o a n i nt er vi ew with singer/ writer Ma rg o T im mi ns (whicht o ok p l ac e vi a t el ep ho ne f ro m a D a y s I nn i n A t la nt a). Ms. Timmins

wa s qu it e fr ie nd ly (I wa s s up po sed to t al k wi th h er b ro th er

Mi ch ae l, b ut t he d es k c le rk g av e m e t h e wr o ng r o om ), and spoke wit hm e b e fo re t he b a n d s ou nd ch ec k f or t he ir p er fo rm an ce t ha t nig ht a t

the ROX Y:

AG : So yo u' ve played AnD Arbor a few times, I know.

Yeah, w h en w e f i r s t s t art ed t o t ou r i n th e U.S. , Ann Arbor waso n e o f o u r b e s t p l a c e s. Y o u hav e that clu b, T h e B l i nd p i g it

wa s a l wa ys a n ice c lu b f or us .

MT:

AG : Th e n ew alb um is out, a n d i t s o u n ds gr ea t. A re y ou h ap py w it h

it?

MT: Thanks, we 'r e r ea ll y h ap py wi th i t; i t t ur ne d o ut t he w ay w ewan te d it to , w hi ch i s a lwa ys n ic e. w ri ti ng i t an d wo rk in g o ni t w a s a w e i rd e x pe r ie n ce after The Trinity Sessions. It wa s t h e f i rs tt im e w e' ve e ve r d on e a n a lb um w e k ne w p eo pl e w er e g oi ng t oa ctu al ly l ist en t o, critique it and compare it tosomething fo r t h e f i rs t time t ha t's a s tr an ge t hi ng t o w or k

under.

AG : Th e stu dio w as E as te rn S ou nd. Tel l . e a l it tl e a bo ut t ha t.

MT: It 's a r ea ll y q ui et s tu di o in t he m id dl e o f T o ronto , a p l ac e

wh e re G o rd o n L i gh t fo o t r e co r ds. I t' s t in y a nd in timate. Wer en te d i t f o r t hre e d a y s o n a we ek en d s o i t wa s e m pt y. st udiosc an g et a li tt le c ra zy d ur in g t he d ay. It was a goodexperience. Recording there was no p r es s ur e, nobody running

around.

AG: The one thing I li k ed a bou t 71u! Caution Hones w as you ca p tu r ed t h esa me k in d of "soun d" as The Trinity Sessions, but y ou got a bet terqua lity of t ape w ithout losing t he aur a of the first one

IL

MT: Th at wa s o ur c on ce rn an d ou r go al wit h th is o ne . I t wa s ag re at thi n g b e ca u se we fo un d o ut i t' s n o t t h e r o om yo u r e co r din, li ke r ec or di ng i n a c h ur ch , i t wa s t he e qu ip me nt a ndl ea rn in g h ow t o u s e i t . It wa s h ow we pl ay li ve t h at c o un t ed ,n ot t he s tu di o, and I think we ove rc am e ou r f ear oftechnology.

AG: T h re e d ays is p r et t y f a st

We h ad t he p la ce f or t h re e d ays an d t h e f irs t d ay we p r et t ym uc h r ec or de d a ll t h e s on gs , i t wa s j us t o ne o f t ho se days.T he b an d w as p la yi ng r ea ll y w el l, i t wa s kind of funny. We

we nt i n t he s ec on d d ay a nd d i d n' t k now wh at t o d o ( la ug ht er).So we sat down and listened to th e t ape s t o m ak e s ur eeve ry bo dy w as h ap py wi th t he ir p ar ts. W e d id a couple over;tried different arrangements.

MT:

AG : S o y ou d id j ust t he ten tr acks?

MT: W e r e-r ec or de d s om e o ld s tu ff from o ur f irst album (Whites OffEarth Now), "M e a nd t he D evil ," t he R ob er t J oh ns on s on g, an d"D e ad F l owers,"

AG : T he l a st time I s aw you, you w e re s ti ll doi ng b ot h o f t ho seso ngs.

MT: "M e a nd t he D evil" is sti ll a big par t of o ur s et , a nd "DeadFlower s" is on e of our encores, bu t it very ra re ly m ak es i ti nt o o ur m ai n s ho w; i t r e al ly doesn't fi t i n w it h o ur s lo we rthings.

One thi ng I was impressed b y i s t he n ew a lbum i s l o a de d withgr ea t orig inal tunes. Are y ou h av ing an e asier ti me w ri tingmateri al?

AG :

MT: I t h ink M ic ha el a nd I as a singer/songwrit er t ea m have founda g ro ov e, b ec au se w e k n ow w h at e a ch o t he r 's s t re n gt h s a r e a nd

we h av e a l ot o f f ai th in e a ch o t he r. B y t h at I m e an M ic ha elwr it es a s ong a nd h an ds it over to me , he do e sn ' t t e ll me howt o s i ng i t. I j u st s or t o f g o an d do my th in g. I t wo r ks e a sily

a n d i t a l l c o me s a b ou t b e ca u se we b oth h a ve s o m u c h e xp e ri e nc enow . I h a v e a l o t m o r e c o n f id e nc e as a sin ge r a nd he h as m or econfid en ce i n me a s we ll. I t w or ks o ut r ea ll y e asy, he feelsh e c a n w ri te w ha tev er he wa nt s t o write and I have thec ap ab il it y t o s i n g i t .

AG: Iwa nt to ta lk t o y ou a b o ut your ro ots , t he m us ic y ou 'v e b uil to n, t he e ntir e cross sec tio n of pop hi stor y.,.a ll t he goo dstu ff l ik e Robert Joh ns o n, L ou k ee d, Ne il Young- -the strongsongwriter tradi ti on , Most ba nd s c an wri te m ay be one go odso ng, an d th at' s i t. Y o u 'v e w ri tten lot s of gre at th in gs a ndth at 's w hy I 'v e alwa ys li k ed the band.

'3


8/21

NT: I d o n't k no w a bo ut o th er b an ds , b ut I t h in k o ne t hi ng w e' vea l wa y s d o ne w i th m u si c i s l i st e ne d . N e it h er Mi c h ae l n o r m y se l fh av e e ve r b ee n b ig d an ce f an at ic s, so m us ic w as a lw ay ss om et hi ng t o s it b ac k a nd l is te n t o, I gu es s. Th e s tr on g

wr it er s ha ve alwa ys b ee n t he o ne s who at tr ac te d us. I'vea l wa y s r e ad l y ri c s an d I r ea d a lo t o f o ther t h in g s a s wel l.

AG:

mi nutes and you'r e s up po se d t o f i nd s om e s or t o f m oo d. Weu su al ly h av e a b ad t im e, b ut t he L et te rm an t hi ng w e p la ye dr e al l y n i cely.

80 how do you de al wit h " fr om olu bs i n T or onto to o o no e rtha ll s in Japa n, " a s the lin e r n ote s s ay ?

(Laughter) T hat's p re tt y W ei rd , o ur F ar E as t t ri p w as a r e alTRIP. Everything was so upside- down. T h e p l a y in g t o a J ap a ne s ea u di e nc e t h at c o ul d n' t u n de r st a nd mu ch E ng li sh or our cultureo r w he re w e w e re f ro m was biz arre b u t t h e y l i st e ne d , r e al l yr ea ll y i nt en tl y t o e v er y s in gl e w or d a nd w he n t he y l ik eds om et hi ng t he y w ou ld c la p, b ec om e e nt hu si as ti c a nd s mi le , i t

wa s g re at. A ft er t he A m e ri ca n a ud ie nc es t he y w er e t he b es twe'v e h ad.

MT:

80 wh at l ite r ar y t h ings?

I'v e r ea d a Jo t o f t hi ng s, a ny th in g f ro m t h e old Ru ss ia ns t omodern Americans. I'v e b ee n r ea di ng L ar ry M cM ur tr y la tely.I' v e j u st f i ni s he d The Last Picture Show; we ' re g o in g t o s o u th T e xa sa nd I c o ul dn 't g o t h ere wi t ho u t r e ad i ng th a t ( l au g ht e r). Il ik e s ci en ce f ic ti on , e sp ec ia ll y f an ta sy , r at he r t ha n t hetechnical stuff, a nd M i c ha el i s t he s am e wa y. I l ik e a l o t o fhi st or y. W he n I we nt t o I ta ly I w a s r ea di ng The Rise and Fall of Rome

(laughter)--t he p erfe ct t ou r g ui de . I t j u st d ep en ds,

Wh ere are y ou playing on this tou r? L ar ge r v enue s , ?

S om e a re t he s am e si ze b ec au se w e d i dn 't f il l t h e m l as t t im e.T h e l a rg e r c i ti e s li k e B o st o n, N e w Y o rk, Chicago, we'r e d o in gt wo nights.

NT:

AG: H o w m a ny oi ties did you play ?

S ix g ig s a lt og et he r, t hr ee o f wh ic h w er e i n T ok yo .

Did y ou do a n y t o urist th ings ?

O f c o ur s e, we w er e b ig t ou ri st s. W e v i si te d t he p al ac es a ndM t. F uj i a nd a ll t ha t. I t wa s g re at. U n fo r tu n at e ly , a l ot h a db ee n b om be d s o n ot a l ot w as l ef t ( la ug ht er ), b ut i t w as

wo nde rf ul .

AG :

MT:

AG : You're in Atl a nt a now?

NT:

AG:

NT:

AG: I wan t to ta lk a bo ut y ou r i nfluences. W ha t s ingers do yo uliste n t o?

NT: T o ni g ht i t's t he Ro x y i t 's a n o l d c inem a. We ' ve b e en d o in g

OK he re.

NT: I t d ep en ds on t he a lb um . F or t he s low songs, a l ot o f M e rl eH a gg a rd a n d h i s b a l l a ds; h i s b al l ad s a r e r e a l ly , r e al l y s l ow.S o I l is te ne d t o h i s s t y le a nd h ow h e u s ed t o p hr as e t hi ng s h e j us t m oa ns, i t' s a m a zi ng h ow h e c a n w ra p o ne w or d a ro un dfor three minutes. A n d I ' v e a l wa y s l i st e ne d t o E m m yl o u H a rris,s he h as a r ea ll y n at ur al t on e: i t' s s tr on g b ut i t c om es o utl ik e s he 's b re at hi ng , w it ho ut a ny e ff or t that's somethingI wi sh I c ou ld d o. F o r t h is LP, I l i st en ed t o a lo t o f N a nc iGriffith.

AG: W h at a b ou t th e r e st o f t he sou th?

AG : s~ is a gre at a lbum .

I l i st en t o her be c au s e h e r writing is in a real storytellingve i n. M i ch a el's is that way as wel l. I w as list eni ng t o th e

way she w ou ld p re se nt a s o ng she 's w o nd e rf u l.

Y ou d id a p a ts y C line cover

MT: T he south ha s a lwa y s b een a w e i r d p l ac e . We'v e d on e g r ea t i nN o rt h a n d S o u t h car oli na a nd h e re . F lo ri da i s ve r y s t ra n ge ,t he re 's a lw ay s b ee n t hre e h un dr ed p eo pl e ( la ug ht er ) wep l ay e d t h is h u ge, b e au t if u l t h ea t er w i th t h re e h u nd r ed p e op l e.T h at ' s w h at m a ke s t o ur i ng s o i n te r es t in g. O n e n i g ht y o u'l l g eta l ot o f a tt en ti on a nd s el lo ut, a nd t he n ex t c it y y ou'reb e gg i ng f o r at t en t io n . It k e ep s y o u h o n e st, that's fo r s ur e.

NT:

AG:

MT: Yes , and I'l l p r o b ab l y l i st e n t o he r m o r e f o r t he n e xt r e co r d.N ot t ha t I h a ve a P at sy C li ne v oi ce -- th e t hi ng s he d oe s i sj u st s i ng, r e al l y s i ng. S h e d o esn' t g e t i n vo l ve d e m ot i on a ll yi n a ny w ay b ut s he 's s o c le ar , r ig ht o n i t, e ve ry n ot e a ndt he n i nt en ti on al ly o ff t he n ot e. O n t h e n ex t al b um , t h e t h in g

AG: 80 i t a l l d e pe nd s on t h e a i rplay you're getting?

1 5

MT: I t a ls o d ep en ds on the university, i f t he re's a strongu n iv e rs i ty w i th a s t ro n g c o ll e ge s t at i on. A nd t he n ewspapersa n d t h e ir a t titud e, normally if we g et e no ug h c overa ge t he re

wil l b e a g o od wo r d o f m o u th .

AG: I saw your Apri l Davi d L et te rm an performanc e so rt of bya co id en t, a nd it w as a nio e number.

G re at . I t w as o ne o f t he b es t T V t h in gs w e'v e e ve r d o ne i nr eg ar ds t o o ur p la yi ng, f or u s a ny wa y; it 's hard to get ag r oo v e g o in g, i t' s O K , t h ey r us h y ou o ut a nd y ou s ta nd t he rea n d i t 's, "N O W P LA Y!" Y ou h av e o ne s on g th at i s c ut t o t h re e

MT:


9/21

I w an t t o d o i s s in g w i t h a l o t m o re s tr en gt h-- no t l ou de r, bu tm o re s u re , a n d P a t sy Cline was a singer who kn ew exa c tl y w h ats he w an te d t o d o.

soo n, anyway. Next,he s t a r ts r o ll i ng a r ou n di n th e l ea ve s. A re yo u s h ow i ng o f f?C om e o n, pal , that's n o t i m pr e ss i ve :can 't y ou f ly ? Y ou g r ay l it tl e g o ph er .I l e t h i m m a k e o ne l as t c ir clea r ou n d h i s w o rl d , g u ar d in g h is ma s t er ' s l a nd,a star -g a ze r a n d a n o v e rg r own rodente xp l or i ng t h ei r t w il i gh t t o get her.Y ou proud descendanto f t he w ol f, t he j ac ka l,y o u g r OW l in g m a ni p Ul a to r , f i lle d

wit h hum an nee dl You liv e a hu m an ' s l i fe ,k n ow i ng t h e l i e , k n ow i ngy o u' r e a h a i r y r e fl e ct i on , a ca n in e a l te r e g o,h er e t o d re ss u p my loneliness,a s h ag g y s h ad o w o n a s u n da y n i gh t ,a c o m pa n io n f o r t h e e v e n in g Moon Walk M yo Id f ri en d h a s a lm os t o utl i ve d h i s w e l co m ei n t h i s l i fe ,e xu l te d b y t h e f l ow e rs , a sniffing,t wi tc hi ng p up g ro wn o ld , b ey o nd h i s t i m e --b ut h e l oo ks a t m e e ag er ly,i n a p r i v at e d o g h e av e nl He' s tough enought o b e m y b es t f ri en d,i f I w a s r ea ll y d oi ng s om et hing

wo rt hw hi le : h is s ha do w pau se s s u dd e nl yi n m y m oo nl ig ht , t o m a rk his territory,l ik e h is o wn er s ti ll f ille d w it h t he u rg e t o s ay ,this is mine.

AO: What n ex t?

NT : A ft er t hi s t ou r, w e'r e t ak in g s ix we eks of f a nd t he n w e'llb eg in w ri ti ng f or t he n ex t p ro je ct . T he n i n S e pt em be r we'llb e t o ur in g w it h B ru ce H orn sb y, a s e ri es o f o ut do or g ig s, a ndd ur in g t ho se d at es w e' ll w or k o ut t he n ew m at er ia l t o g et i tr e ad y f o r t h e n e x t album. T he n i t's h om e t o r e co rd a ga in.

AO : Ar e y o u h a p py w i th RCA?

N T: I t' s a m azi ng , a r ea l s ho ck t o u s, W e h a d a ll t he m yt hS t ha tr ec or d c om pa ni es a re o ut t o d es tr oy y ou t he y s ai d w it h TheCaution Horses, c al l u s w he n y ou 'r e f in is he d. T he y d id n' t e ve ns ho w u p i n t he s tu di o. Yo u d on't n ee d r ec or d c om pa ny t yp es

wa tch in g you in the st udi o.

AO: So what ha ve y ou been listen in g t o l ately?

N T: W el l, t od ay o n t he t ou r b us i t wa s T o wn es V an Z an t a ll d ay.T he b oy s a re i nto a l o t o f t he r ap s tu ff when you're calleda b it ch e ve ry fi v e s e co n ds, yo u ge t k ind o f tu rne d of f( l au g ht e r) . I d on' t l is te n t o m uc h n ew s tu ff. W b at a b ou t y o u?

AO : I ju st b o ug bt t he new Lou Re e d /J oh n Cal e C D.

N T: I bo ug ht i t th e o t he r d ay , a nd I 'v e o n ly l is te ne d t o i t o nc e.I wa sn 't r ea ll y b lo wn a wa y w it h i t. I 'v e g o ne o ff o n a C D k ic kb ut a ll I s e em to b uy i s o l d s tu ff

BERT HUBINGERT he f l oo d li t V ic t or i an t o wn g l ow e da b ov e t h e r o c ks , s h ro u de d i n mi s t:t h e o l d M c C Ul l um H o us e , t h e S e ag u ll I n n,a ll t he r ic h w o o d f in is h o f t h e t o ur is t t ra de ,s ur ro un de d b y a l l t h e f ro gs i n t he w or ld ,

c r oa k in g t h ei r c h o r us i n a muddy field.W e l au gh ed a nd d an ce d t o t h e m u si c o f m i ll io nsa n d n e xt morning scrambledt h ro u gh t h e u l t im a te b r ea k fa s t a t C a fe B e au j Ol a isb ef or e hit t in g t h e R u s si a n G o rg e ,a l l s t in g in g n e tt l es , n e wt s a n d s a l am a nd e rs ,a ll t he t en ac it y o f a s ol it ar y p in eg r ip p in g t h e h e ad l an d s, r o ot s h a ng i ng o u t i n m id - ai r .W e t o p pl ed o ve r i n t he l ig ht r ai n,

we un -bu she d, we str ain ed, we lo veda nd a lw ay s t he r oc ks l ik e t he b ow s o f s t ra nd ed s hi psc le ar in g t he s ur f a t P i n e B ea ch C ov e,b el ow J ug ha nd le C re ek . " Ev er yt hi ng s me ll s s o g re en ,"

M ay be i t's j us t b ec au se I 'm s ad ,but I l oo k a t t h is f at m o o n r is in ga n d t h ink o f i t a s m ine,m y v e ry o wn o ra ng e l ig hts i tt i ng o n t h e R i c h mo n d B r id g e,a nd I wa lk m yo Id d og w it h a t or n g ra y h ea rt,followi n g m y m o on t h ro u gh m y t r e es,t h e s m al l d o g s n if f in ga t e ver y b us h, e ve ry s ha do w o n t h e g ro un d.S o l e t m y o ra ng e l ig ht f al lo n t h is o ld t er ri er ; l et h im d ri nkmy moonshine--it's g oi ng t o sw al lo w hU n

I,

'1


10/21

c at he r in e s ai d . " So n a iv e ."T ha t n ig ht a t G re g or y' s, w i th d u ck a n d p e pp er s te a ka n d a g oo d P i no t N o ir , w e w a t ch edt h e o l d l ig ht h ou se c le a ve t h e d a r ka s f ro gs g ru n te d t h ei r l ov e c a ll s- -"like the stock exchange," Catherine said.T h e w a ve s e xp l od ed a g ai ns t t he r oc ksa s w e s p l it t he b i ll a t te r a s i l ly t i gh t,Catherine passing out her business cards;I s t or me d o u ts id e t o a r gu e i n t he f o g,f um in g p a st t he g re at c ol le c ti on s o f m o de r n k it sc hin the brightly lit store windows,A s ma l l b oy w it h a f l as hl i gh tc ha s ed d ow n t he s o un ds o f f ro gs .H ow c ou ld h e c h a ll en g e t h em ?T ho s e e ye s t ha t g l it te r ed i n t h e w i nd ,those fanciful eyes that fancied freedomf ro m a l l t h e p on ds o f t h i s w o r ld .B y m i dn ig h t C at he r in e a nd I w e r e r eu n it eda t t h e c o tt ag e , s h e s o h a p py t o s e e m e ,s he o n ly s ta b be d o nc e, o u r l as t f la re b ur s ti ngo ve r n o m an 's l a nd ; i di ot , c o ul dn ' t I s e e

we wer e liq uid ati ng? How we gla reda t t h e b l i nd m oo n , r un n in g i n h i s w a ke - -a n d s a w t h e h ea r t r et re a t b ef o re a g l a ze o f h o n es ty !T ha t d aw n , t he f ro g s m o v ed q ui c kl y t o t h e s ub ur b s;a nd b y e a rl y af t er no o n w e w e r e d ri v in g s ou t h a g ai n

wit h the rai n tha t nev er end ed,r ac i ng a he ad o f t h e f l oo d,c ha si n g t h e h id d en s un t h a t a l wa ys r an j u st a he a d o f u s.

a nd I ' d s i t t h e re b lu rr e d a nd f uz zy a n d s o on e r o r l a t erM a ry F a bi an w o ul d b ri ng m e c o ff ee a n d I ' d d r in k i t a nd s mo k ea nd l oo k a r ou nd m e l ik e s om eo n e a wa ke n in g f r om s le e p.A n d f a ce s w o ul d p as s b ef o re m y e y e s:M a ry F ab i an a nd M a ry s al a za r, w ho f li r te d w it h m e a t W o od w ar d' sa nd M ar y D i az , m y f o re ma n , a n d R o y G u zm an , m y s u p er vi s or ,a nd R ao u l, m y b u d dy , a w e tb ac k, n o E n gl i sh a t a l lb u t w e u nd e rs to od e a ch o th er . A nd t he y' d p a ss b ef o rem y s t o ne d g a ze w h il e I s a t a n d s m ok e d a nd s i pp ed m y c of fe et il l m y w il l r et ur ne d a nd t he n h om e t o s u pp er a nd b ed b ut o nl ya f te r I ' d s t o pp ed a t G . C . M ur p hy 's.A nd n ow t h e f ac es p as s in g b ef o re m e a g a ini n t hi s n e w t i m e t ha t d r aw s t ow a rd a c l os e ,h av in g j us t g iv en n ot i ce a t U .T . w he r e I ' ve w o r ke d n ea rl y t wo

years nowa nd t h e w o rk e a si er t h an t he f ur n it ur e f a ct or y- - in a w a y- -

a nd i t 's l i kea w i nd b lo wi n g t h ro ug h m y l if e n ow , t ug g in g a n d W hi s pe ri n g " Go l"a nd t ha t' s h ow i t wi ll b e o ne d ay s oo n: I 'l l g o.A nd t hi s h er e n ow w il l b e a s m uc h a d r ea m a s M a ry F ab i an a nd M ar y S al a ~. r a nd R oy G uz m an a n d R a o uland Woodward Furniture and Manpowera nd I w o ul dn ' t h ol d o n t o a ny o f i t b u t s t i ll I w ri te t h is i n t he b ri g ht , f lu o re sc e nt d ay o f G.C. Murphy'S

wit h the dar k out sid e and the rai n fal lin g to sayt ha t a ll t he s e t hi ng s h av e b ee n ( t he yd w h ap p en )a nd n o w t h e y' re g on e . A nd I di d n' t s ay i t r ea ll y( I kn ew I w o ul dn 't ) b ut I h a d t o t ry , y ou s ee :i t' s l i ke s h ou ti ng i n to t h at w in d .

PATRICK JENNINGS

ALBERT HUFFSTICKLER

I ' ll t ry t o g et t h is d ow n, s en s in g a l re ad y t h at I 'l l f ai l:c o ff ee a t G . C . M u r ph y 's i n t h e l a te e v en in g,

s ky d a rk , d r iz zl i ng r ai n , d r a wn i n h er e b y a m e mo ry,this place I'd stumble in to o ff t h e b u s f r om w or k,numb, eXhausted, dirty, sight blurred, fuzzy-headedf ro m t h e l on g d a y a t Woodward Furniture Factorya nd , b ef o re t ha t, M an p ow er , t h is w he n I f ir s t g o t b ac kt o A u st in , b ro ke , c ra sh i ng a t B o b B r y an t' s a t f ir s t,t h en l at e r- -a f te r m y m o th e r d i ed a nd t he f li gh t h o me f or t h e

funeral

a nd m y s is t er l ay i ng fiv e h u nd r ed d o ll ar s o n m e --g et ti n g a p la ce o f m y own in a nea rby com ple x.B u t t h is p la ce a f oc al p oi n t t h e n: I a lw a ys h a d t o s to p h er eb ef o re m a ki ng i t h om e because the lights and the coffee-smell

wer e too inv iti ng to wal k pas t. The y dre w me in lik e a mag net

I n a y ea r' s t im e, t he c om pl ex io n o f m u si c r et ai l w il l h av eb ee n p e rm an en t ly a lt e re d. T hi s i s t he y ea r, s ay t he p un d it s, w h ent he v i ny l L P w il l v a ni sh , h av i ng b ee n r e nd er ed s uf f ic ie n tl y m o ot

b y t h e c om pa ct d is c. T he y' re p ro ba bl y r ig ht . T he L P i s d yi ng b yd eg r ee s. S o on , t he f o rm at t ha t b ir t he d t he f o rm ( th e r e co rd a l bu m)t ha t m ol de d o u r l is t en in g p a tt er ns m o st s tr ik i ng ly t hi s c en tu r y

wil l be rat her cas ual ly dis car ded . P er so n al ly , I d o n' t t h in k a l lfactions have been polled.

T he r e co rd i ng i nd us t ry d id n ot c ar e m u ch a bo u t i nd e pe nd e ntr e co rd s to re s ' c on c er ns i n t he ' 80 s ( I k no w: I 'v e w o r ke d i n t he m continuously throughout the decade). The CD offered an opportunityto increase list prices (from $8.98 to $16.98), increase sales, andconsequently increase profits.

Y ou m ay a sk y ou r se lf , w hy d o C D s c o st s o m uc h ? T he p ub l ic h ass t at ed e mp h at ic al l y o n m a ny o c ca si on s t ha t i t w il l n o t t o l er a teh ig he r p ri ce s o n L P s o r t a pe s. A s a r es ul t , t h e l i s t p r ic e o f n e w

I.' I


11/21

10 2 . . 1

release maj or l ab el a lb um s h as n ot r is en a p enn y o ver $8.9 8 s in ce1 97 7 ( ex ce pt i n 19 82 w he n s el ec t " su pe rst ar" releases began"

c ar ry in g t he " pr em iu m" $ 9. 98 l is t, w hi ch h as n ow p er va de d t o

i nc lu de , f or e xa mp le , n ea rl y e ve ry n ew r el ea se o n t he A tl an ti c

Records group).D o n ot t hi nk t ho ug h t ha t t hi s m ea ns t he l ab el s h av e h ad t o

s uf fe r a ll t he p in ge s o f c os t o f l i ving increases without product

prices increasing. S om e o f t ha t g ri ef t he y m et ed o ut t o r e ta il b y

r ai si ng t he c os t o f a l bu ms w hi le k ee pi ng t he l is t p ri ce s ta bl e.

I t' s n ot d if fi cu lt i n t hi s c as e t o s e e w h o g ot t he m in e, and who

got the shaft.But, even after sticki ng r et ai l w it h t hr ea db are p ro fit

margins, the industry was sti ll i n a ta il sp in . T he y k ne w t he y h ad

t o b e a b le t o r a is e p ri ce s t o k ee p u p w i th i nf la ti on , a s the other

entertainment industries (book publishing, filmmaking, live enter-

t ai nm en t) h ad b ee n a bl e t o do. They needed a new format, with

technolOgy so attractive to consumers that they would dig deep forit. Finally, after the long ha rd e ar ly ' 80 s, t he y f ou nd i t i n t he

compact disc. C he ap t o m a ke and easy to sell, the CD was an

industry wet dream. Eve n a t n ea rl y d ou bl e t he l is t p ri ce o f t he L P,

it quickly became the format choice across the country.B ut w hi le C Ds s el l l ike m ad , t he y a re n ot s el li ng t o a s w i de

a g r ou p a s L Ps di d, n or t o t h e s am e g ro up. Those wh o b uy C Ds a re

generally in a middle-to-hig h i nc om e g ro up. T he y b uy C Ds b y t he

wad, "investing" i n t he m as if th ey w er e C D a c counts. The increase

i n u ni ts s ol d d oe s n ot, howeve r, r ef le ct t he a m ount of p eop le w ho

c an no t a ff or d C Ds, and Who resent that the format of choice is

being selected by a society o f wh ic h t he y a re not members.In the industry's eyes, the LP, a s a f or ma t u se d b y t h e l ow er -

middle to upper-middle classes, is expendable. Let's make that

s tr on ge r: t he y w an t t o bla st a ll t he L Ps i nt o s p ac e in a rocket.B ut t o t ho se o f u s wh o c an no t a ff or d t o s pr in g $ 15 f or a n ew

CD al bu m, a nd w ho d et est the sound quality of the pre-recorded

c as se tt e, t he L P i s a w ar m, a ff or da bl e f ri en d, especially really

c he ap u se d L Ps t ha t y ou ca n g et for t wo o r t hr ee b uc ks. (Those of

u s i n r et ai l d o h av e i t easier; w e c an b uy u se d C Ds f or $ 3 t o $ 6,

n ew o ne s f or a ro un d t en b~cks). Audiophiles and industry insiders

notwithstanding, t he L P iG loved, desired, and utile. Why can't we

have both?C er ta in ly t he C D has not been irrefutably na me d the champion

o f s ound q ua li ty ; i t has many detractors. I t h as i ts b en ef it s a nd

its handicaps (but that's another article). Don't kid yourself thatthis has anything at all to do wit~ up gr ad in g t he f or m 'stechnology, except perhaps where ease and convenience come in

(al wa ys a s o ft s po t i n the American consumer's heart). No, t hi s i s

an economic issue, a class war, a lw ay s h as b ee n a nd will continue

to be, a nd i t' s c er tainly not the first time tha t n at io na l o r

corporate economics have l ef t t he w or ki ng c la ss out in t he c ol d.Unfortunately, it l oo ks l ik e a w ar t ha t's alread y b ee n w on .

Soon, Tower Records wil l b e p ul li ng a ll L Ps f ro m i ts bins; Capitol

Records and Polygram Re co rd s h av e a lr ea dy beg un r el ea si ng n ew

titles wi th ou t a v inyl alternative. It seems as if it's t oo l at e

to stage a revolution. P er ha ps a ll w e c a n d o no w i s w ai t a nd c ro ss

our fin ge rs t ha t C D rot turns out to be a r eality.

CARLA KANDINSKY

S he u se d h er b lo od f or s pe ll s

along with some stolen item,

a letter, a photo, a cigarette

butt. Witchcraft is really so

simple she thought, turning in

a circle, saying a name, binding

s om e m an t o h e r h ea rt, her body.

T he n t he y c am e t o h er, obedient

as little pups, docile and

bewildered. But she couldn't

work spells in reverse, so each

month wi th h er f low they allappeared, the numbers increasing,

the front steps littered with

roses and candy, the telephone

ringing c on st an tl y, t he neighbors

complaining about the howl in g o f d og s.

SUSAN LUTHER

T he t wi st ed g ol d w ir e i ns id e t he circle

o f m y n ew a nt iq ue o pa l p en da nt

undulates like the twisted metal

t ha t r op ed a nd s tr un g s ev er al f in gers , a nd t he n ec k,

of the grocery-cart man (phenomenon I'd never seen before

in this small city, still

caught between cotton and conglomerate):

h e h a d m any t ri nkets. Pieces of string,

mo re b it s o f w ir e, old papers, letters

or bills. H e h ad a b ea rd a nd e arrings,s ho es that matched, pl ai d s hi rt a nd Army pants

a nd h is c art parke d o ut si de w here otherwise

t he T oy ot a m ig ht b e. H e l oo ke d t ough--I guess

he'd h av e to be--always having to find some new place

t o sl ee p, o r a w ay t o g ua rd t he c ar t. He's t he o dd es t o ne

yet in the Krispy Kreme on Saturday night:

even on weekends you usually just see

surreptitious drunks who maybe think

you'l l b el ie ve t he y're sober just because

they're drinking their coffee quietly

a nd e at in g j elly doughnuts, the occasional preacher


12/21

wh o str ike s up a con ve rsa tio n as soo n as you men tio n"Florida," t h e r e t i re d s e cu r it y g u ar d

wh o bri ngs his yo ung er fri end eve ry weekt o r ec ou nt t o h i m w ha t E ur op e wa s l ik ed u ri n g t h e w a r, o ne o r t w o wo me n y ou d on't as k

wh at the y do for a liv ing , the kid s in cle atso r A d i da s , d e pend in g o n t he s ea so n

( m or e c o nv i vi a l t h an e v en S h on e y' s , wh er e t he l ad yi n t he b oo th a cr os s f ro m m y f ri en d J an e and m e t wo n ig ht s a gob ro ke i nt o o u r t al k t o g et r ea ss ur an ce t ha t s he's r ig htt o t e ll h e r f i f t ee n -y e ar - ol d a b ou t t h e d a ng e rs o f s e x- -e ve n w it h l ove -- an d " s ta y o f f p o t .")

T he m an w it h t he c ar t h ad c of fe e t oo(maybe he'd wi sh ed e no ug h m on ey u p

f r om t h e B i g S p r i ng d o wn t ow n , c a ug h ti n a s u n k en p a rk b e tw e entwo b an ks : o n s u nn y d ay s s lu ng c oi ns flashl i ke s c al e s t o ss e df r om t he City's g ol d fish). I 'd h ave ta l ke d t o h i m i f I h ad n't j us t h ea rd on t h e n e wsh o w t h e l o ca l m o le s te r wh o r e l i sh e d w o men

wi t h s m al l c h il d re n whose husbands wer e at workha d j u st b e en c a ug h t I n st ea d I l istened:

he s ai d t hi ng s l ik e "M o r e c r ea m , p l ea s e, " and"got a l o ng w ay t o g o."

S in ce t he n I'v e s ee n h i m o n t he s tr ee ts m or e t ha n o nc e,whe eli ng tha t bug gy -- Wha t d oe s h e d o wh en t he b as ke t g et s f ul l?S el l o r b es to w i ts c on te nt s a t t h e c i t y d um p? W ho k no ws ?

P e rh a ps o n e d ayI ' ll f i nd a n a s s or t me n t o n m y d o o rs t ep ,old milk)ugs, e g g c a r to n s, d i sh-so ap b ot tl es l ik e th osec h il d re n s o me w he r e m a ke i n to d o l l s, p l as t ic m e shb a sk e ts o n ce f i ll e d wi t h s t r a wb e rr i es , c o lo r ed s t on e sa n d m a r bl e s, d i me s fo un d o ut si de t he P os t O ff ic e, o ldtic ke ts t o t he s how (at t h is r ate it c ou ld tak e f o re v ert o n a me a ll t he p os si bl e j un k,

l o ng e r a t l e a st t h an I s p en t i n t he a n ti q ue m a llat F i ve P o in t s, in t h e h is t or i c d i st r ic t E a sto f P a rk , s pr in g, c ourthouse, banks, and defunct

Cotton ROW,wh er e t he f ir st t hi ng I saw wa s t h e o p al p e nd a nt ,wh er e I t ho ug ht o f i t a l l t h e t i me I lookedf or t w o c an dl e s he lv es f or Grandma's candelabra

t o g o o n t he l iving -roo m wallb e si d e t h e l i t h og r ap h o f S u ss e x, wh ile I wa tc he d t he c olorso f t h e g r e e n-a n d- bl u e s t on e s b l o o m t h r ou g h s i x r oo m sof p re sse d gl as s, c ut cr ystal , D un ca n P hy fe -s ty le c ou ch es,V ictorian chairs, o l d b o ok s , s t ar c he d l a ce p l ac e ma t s,belt buckles, dough bowls, bedsteads, china

ha i r r e ce ive rs d ec orated wi t h g o ld. I t o ld t h e m a ni n th e s ho p I have fiv e o p al r i ng s a l re a dy ,two o t he r n e ck l ac e s, a n d e a rr i ng s t o o.

I th in k t he m an wit h the c ar t m ig ht a gr eethough, that pendant's one o f t h e b e s t t hi ng sI e v er b o ug h t).

DARLENE MOORE

N ic k a nd I m e t i n a b a r o n F a ir fax near Wi lshire. I u se d t og o t h er e a ft er w or k t o t h in k a bo ut t he li fe I w as g et ti ng r ea dy t oleave behind. I wa s t ry in g t o g et u se d t o th e i d ea o f b e i ng s i ng l e,

won der ing how I wa s go in g t o d o it- -h o w I w as g o in g t o b r in g m y se l ft o s a y g o od -b ye t o m y f am il y o nc e a nd f or a ll.

I h ad n o i de a w here I w as g oi ng t o g o- -o nl y k ne w t ha t I h adt o l e av e s oo n- -t ha t I w ou ld n' t b e a b le t o t a ke i t m uc h lo ng er . I

was wor kin g up to it- -dr in kin g and wat chi ng the peo ple in the bar- -t hi nk in g a bo ut t he d i ff er en t p os si bi li ti es : t he m en I c o ul dbe co me i nv ol ve d w it h, t he d if fe re nt w ay s I c ou ld l eave:

I t h ou gh t a bo ut d oi ng i t wi th a l ot o f d ra ma , l ik e d ur in g aparty or family gathering: I'd g o i n m y r o om a nd p ac k m y t hi ng s a nd

wal k up to my hu sba nd jus t bef ore I lef t. w it h s ui tc as es in myh an ds a nd e ve ry bo dy w at ch in g, I 'd s ay t o h i m , " Th is i s i t. I c a n'tt a ke i t a n ym o re . I ' m l e a vi n g. "

I a l so t ho ug ht a bo ut d oi ng i t s i le nt ly , d urin g t he d ay w he nn o o n e was ho m e, o r I m i gh t j u st d o i t t e a rf u ll y , w i th m y i m me d ia t efamily there-- my h us ba nd a nd m y t w o k i ds-- bu t w it ho ut t he d ra ma.

I c a re fu ll y p la nn ed o ut e ac h p os sib il it y i n my h ea d. Thatwa sn 't t he f ir st n ig ht I 'd s pe nt i n t ha t b ar. I'd b ee nt h er e m a ny t i me s--we nt th ere alm os t eve ry nig ht du ri n g t h at p e ri o do f t r an si ti on -- th at t im e i n b etwe en whe n m y husband an d k ids an dI a l l k n ew i t wa s o ve r b ut w e s t i ll kept ou r c l o th e s u n de r t h e s a m e

roof.We we re h es it at in g- -w ai ti ng f or /d re ad in g t he d ay w he n Mom

wo ul d g et c ra zy e no ug h--h op pe d- up e nough- -t o f in d t he c o ur ag e t oc om e h om e a nd p ac k h er t hi ng s, and m os t l ik el y n ev er b e s e en o r

h e ar d f r om a g ain.Y ou s ee , w e we re d ep en di ng on m e t o d o i t- -t o l ea ve--because

we al l kne w tha t my hus ban d wou ld nev er hav e th e gut s to go thr oug hwi th i t ( ju st l ik e w e a ll k ne w t ha t I 'd n ev er h av e t he g ut s t o g ot hr ou gh w it h t he f am il y t hi ng ). S om ew he re i ns id e of u s w e k n ew - -e ac h i n h is o wn w ay -- th at e nd in g i t w ou ld b e t h e b e st t hi ng f or

everyone.I d o n't h a ve t o t e ll y o u t ha t t h os e w e re r o ug h t i me s --a ll t ha t

knowing, w a it i ng -- a lw a ys s u rr o un d ed b y t h e b a ck g ro u nd o f o u r h ou s e


13/21

a nd r ou ti ne s, t he m em or ie s w e s a w i n e ac h o th er's f ac es o f b et te rtimes-- or w ha t w e t h ou gh t w er e b et te r t im es --t ha t f la sh ed b ef or eo ur e ye s l ik e s ub li mi na l m es sa ge s- -o nl y f or a n i ns ta nt a nd t he n

we 'd be ba ck in th e pr es en t, st ar ing at a fa ce ov erc om e by th eb re ak do wn o f w h at w e o n ce t ho ug ht w as l ov e, a nd t he k no wl ed ge t ha tt h os e i l lu s io n s h a d b e en d e st r oy e d f o re v er .

T he re w as s o m uc h t en si on i t w as u nr ea l- -l ik e t he a ir w asc h ar g ed w i th s o me t hi n g- -l i ke e l ec t ri c it y -- l ik e p a rt o f t h e vo l um e

wa s tu rn ed up bu t at th e sa me ti me so me thi ng --t he vi su al pa rt ofi t m ay be -- wa s t ur ne d d ow n- -m ut ed s om eh ow -- an d w e w e re a ll j us tg o in g t h ro u gh t h e m o ti o ns o f d a il y l i vi n g. T h er e w e re s o me c h an g eso f c o ur se -- li ke m e g o in g t o t h e b a r a ft er w or k i ns te ad o f g o in gh om e- -s om et im es s ta yi ng o ut a ll n ig ht -- bu t s ti ll w e w en t t hr ou ght he m ot io ns -- sl ow ly , h ea vi ly , l ik e w e w e re a ll o n s o m e p ow er fu ld ru g t ha t n um be d u s i n t o a u to ma ti c p il ot . W e w e n t t hr ou gh t ho se

m o ti o ns / mo v em e nt s t h ro u gh t h e d a ys , t h e w e ek e nd s, w i th a s t r a ng es en se o f p er so na l d is ta nc e--like we were all removed from its o me h ow - -l i ke w e w e re a l l w at c hi n g f r om a g r ea t d i st a nc e .

I t' s p a i nf ul , e ve n n o w , t o l o ok b ac k o n i t a ll , b ut a t l e as t- - thank God--n o ne o f u s p re t en d ed d u ri n g t h at t i me t h at e v er y th i ng

wa s all ri gh t. Mos tl y, we ju st tr ie d to st ay ou t of ea ch ot he r' swa y.

W hi ch i s wha t I w as do in g w he n I 'd g o o ut a t n ig ht : I w ass ta yi ng o ut o f t h ei r w ay -- ou t o f m y f am il y' s w ay .

T he b ar w as c lo se t o wh e re I w o r ke d -- I w a s a s e c r et a ry - -a n dt he p eo pl e w ho w en t t he re w er e r eg ul ar p eo pl e. I t w as n't one o ft ho se L.A . m e a t m ar ke ts t ha t p eo pl e g o t o a l l d re ss ed u p, t ry in gh ar d t o s e l l t he ms el ve s t o s o m eo ne e ls e: T h e w o m e n s e ll s e x- -t h ey

we ar exp en si ve , rev ea li ng cl ot hes an d pai nt on gr ea sy fa ce s th ats ta rt m el ti ng a c o u pl e o f h o ur s i nt o t he n ig ht, W it h t he m en , i t' ss uc ce ss . T he y t ry t o l oo k s uc ce ss fu l, o r a t l ea st l ik e t he y' ves ti ll g ot s om e c ha nc e a t s u c ce ss . T hi s p la ce w as n' t l ik e t ha t. i t

wa s co mf ort ab le --a pl ac e wh er e peo pl e wen t aft er wo rk to un wi nd --s o me w he r e m y h u sb a nd w o ul d n e ve r t h in k t o c om e l o ok i ng f o r m e. He'db e m o re l ik el y t o l O Ok i n t he o th er p la ce s, s in ce s om eh ow h e' dco nv in ce d h im sel f t ha t w ha t I w ant ed w as t he ill us io n o f t h ec o mf o rt o f m o ne y . T h at's h ow w e ll h e d id n' t k no w m e, o r m ay be i t

wa s ju st ea si er fo r hi m to th in k th at it wa s th e mo ne y th at wa s

d r iv i ng m e a w a y -- I d o n' t k n ow.A ny wa y, I 'd g o t o t h is b ar o n F a i rf ax b ec au se I c o ul d g o t h er ea nd b e m ys el f- -a nd o nc e i n a w h il e h oo k u p wi th s om eo ne w ho w asl i ke m e--someone wh o w a s t ry in g t o w o rk s om et hi ng o ut .

D ur in g t ha t t im e- -e xc ep t f or t h e p eo pl e a t w o rk , a nd I wasn'tc lo se w it h a ny o f t h em --t ho se m en I m et i n t he ba r we re m y o nl ys ou rc e o f c o mp an io ns hi p. N ee di ng m al e c om pa ni on sh ip w as t he o nl y

way I sti ll n ee de d p eo pl e, a nd i n my e mp ti ne ss a nd i so la ti on Ic lu ng t o t h at , e ve n i f I o nl y f ol lo we d t hr ou gh w it h i t- -a ct ua ll yg oi ng h om e o r t o a m o te l w it h s om eo ne -- on ce i n a w h i le .

Th e n igh t I m et N ic k, h e w as t he re a s p ar t o f a "spiritualj ou rn ey "-- th os e w er e h is w or ds , n ot m in e--during one of hisp e ri o di c s o jo u rn s t o t h e " o th e r" w o rl d-- th e w or ld a cr os s t ow n f ro m the bus station-- t h at " m id d le c l as s r e al i ty o f a ut o ma t ic m o ve m en t,"

L4

a s h e c al ls i t- -w he re t o h i m i t' s a ll t he s am e: "S om e m on ey a nd al o t o f m o n e y," h e s ay s, " an h on es t m ea t m ar ke t, a d i sh on es t m ea tm ar ke t- - i t' s a ll t he s am e. " I t' s a ll t he s am e, h e s ay s, becausei t' s a p l ac e w he re l if e c o n ti nu es t o g o o n a s u su al , a nd i t d oe sn 'tm at te r i f y ou'r e d re ss ed u p o r n ot : I t' s a ll t he s am e b ec au see ve ry on e i s s t il l w ea kl y p re te nd in g t ha t e ve ry th in g' s a ll r ig ht ,a n d e v er y th i ng i s de f in i te l y n o t al l r i gh t.

H e t a ke s t ho se t ri ps t o t h e o t h er w or ld a bo ut o nc e a m on th.H e t ol d m e a b ou t i t-- a bo u t t his " sp ir it ua l j ou rn ey " t hi ng o f

h is -- th e n ig ht w e m e t, b ut i t d id n't m ak e a ny s en se t o m e t h en .T hi s i s h o w i t w as t ha t n ig ht:I w as i n th e b ar , i t wa s a b o ut f iv e- th ir ty o r a q u a rt er t o s i x

i n t h e a f te r no o n. I t w as s UD 1l De r. I w as t hr ow in g d ar ts w it h a na ir pl an e p il ot f ro m C hi ca go a nd h is d au gh te r w ho w as o nl y f ou r o rf iv e y e a rs y ou ng er t ha n m e ( I w as t we nt y-e ig ht ). S he w as a d an ce r- -t a ll a n d v e r y p r et t y. I d o n' t r em em be r e it he r o f t h e ir n am es.

O n e o f t h e b i g b a s ke t ba l l g a me s -- I t h in k i t w as b a sk e tb a ll - -wa s pl ay in g on th e te le vis io n up in th e co rn er by th e ce il in g. Theb ar w as f ul l o f e xc it ed m en .

I s aw N ic k w he n h e w al ke d i n. I w a tc he d h im w hi le h e w a l ke du p t o t h e b ar . H e w a s l oo ki ng a ll a ro un d. H e s a w m e , k e p t l oo ki nga t m e a nd I l o ok ed b ac k a t h i m, W he n t he s ta re f in al ly b ro ke , t hep il ot , w ho c ou ld n' t h el p n ot ic in g, l oo ke d a t m e a nd s mi le d a nd

win ke d. H e c o nt in ue d t o t h ro w d ar ts w hi le h is d au gh te r a nd Iwat ch ed . He wa s st and in g di re ct ly un de rne at h on e of th e ce il in gl ig ht s, w hi ch m ad e i t l o ok l ik e h e w a s s ta nd in g i n a s po tl ig ht .

T he d au gh te r s ai d t o m e, " Di d y o u s ee t ha t g uy ? D id y ou s eet he w ay h e l oo ke d a t y ou ?" S he w as s mi li ng W hi le s he s ai d i t,friendly.

I l o ok ed a t m y d r i nk a nd s ai d, " Ye s, I s aw h im ."S he s ai d, " He 's g oo d l oo ki ng , b ut d oe sn 't h e l o o k a l it tl e

s t ra n ge t o y o u? D i ff e re n t l o ok i ng ? "I s a id, " I d on 't k no w, m ay be ," b ut a s I s a id i t, I t ho ug ht t o

m ys el f t ha t s he w as r ig ht. H e d i d l oo k a l i tt le s tr an ge , b ut n oti n a b ad w ay .

T he p il ot t hr ew d ar ts a l i tt le w hi le l on ge r, t he n t he t hr eeo f u s-- he a nd h is d au gh te r a nd I -- we nt u p t o t h e b a r a nd o rd er edm or e d ri nk s. I d id n' t l oo k a t N ic k, b ut I f e lt h is e ye s o n m e a sI w al ke d u p t o t h e b a r . A f t er I s a t d ow n I l oo ke d a t h im a nd h e w ass ta ri ng a t m e . h e d id n' t l oo k a wa y.

I d r an k w it h t he p il ot. H e' d b ee n p ay in g f or m y d ri nk s s in ce

I g ot t he re . H e w a s w e a ri ng a w hi te s hi rt a nd k ha ki p an ts . H e w a sv er y c le an -- ha d a c l ea n, h on es t l oo k o n h i s f ac e. H e s e em ed t o b ei n a l ot o f p a in.

I a s k ed h im , "H ow c om e y ou c am e t o L . A.? I s y ou r w ho le f am ilyh er e w it h y ou ?"

H e s a id, " We ll , e ve ry on e e xc ep t m y w i fe -- me a nd m y f iv e k i d sare here."

I t ho u gh t t o m y se l f, F i ve k i d s ?1 T hi s p o o r g u y ' s w i f e l e ft h i m a lo ne w it h f iv e k i d s! I s a id , " Yo u c a n't b e s e r io us a bo ut t ha t- -a bo ut a ll t ho se k id s."

H e l au gh ed a nd p oi nt ed t o t h e d a ug ht er a nd s ai d, " Sh e' s t heoldest. I d o n't k no w w ha t I wo ul d' ve d on e i f i t wa sn 't f or h e r."

T h e d a ug h te r w a s t a l k in g t o s o me o ne e l se a n d m a d e o f f l i k e s h e

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d id n' t h ea r b ut i t w as o bv io us b y t h e l oo k o n h e r f ac e t h at w ha th e s a i d m a de h er f ee l g o od.

I s a id , " W he r e' s y o ur w i fe n o w? "H e l a ug h ed a g ai n -- e mb a rr a ss e d- -a n d s a id , " O h, I t h ou g ht I

a lr ea dy t ol d y ou : M y w i fe d ie d t wo a nd a h a lf m on th s a go . S h e h adcancer. S he w as s ic k f or a l on g t im e. "

I t ol d h im I w as s or ry a nd w e t al ke d a bo ut h er w hi le w e d r an k.I di d n' t p a rt i cu l ar l y w a nt t o t a lk a b ou t h e r- -h e d i d- -b u t i t s ee m edt o b e d o in g h im g oo d s o I w as g la d t o l e t h i m t a lk. I'd a skq ue st io ns e ve ry o nc e i n a w hi le t o k e ep t he c on ve rs at io n g oi ng.

H e w as l on el y, I t wa s o bv io us t ha t h e n e ed ed s om eo ne w howa sn 't on e of hi s ki ds to tal k to . The re wa s no th in g be tw ee n us .

T he d au gh te r w as t al ki ng t o a m a n o n h er l ef t. I d i dn 't t hi nk~ oo m uc h a bo ut i t t he n, b ut n ow I r ea li ze t ha t s he m us t h av e b ee ni n a l ot o f p a in t oo .

O nc e i n a w hi le I 'd l oo k o ve r a t N ic k a nd h e' d e it he r b et al ki ng t o B e tt y t he b ar te nd er o r l o ok in g a t m e.

A f te r a b ou t a n h o ur o f s i t ti n g t h er e -- t al k in g a n d d r i nk i ng - -t he p il ot a nd h is d au gh te r g ot u p t o t hr ow m or e d ar ts . I t wa s ad el ib er at e m ov e: I w a s g ra te fu l f or t he ir s en si ti vi ty: T im in g i si m po r ta n t i n c e r ta i n b a r m a n e uv e rs .

A s s o on a s t h ey l ef t I l o ok ed o ve r a t N ic k a nd h e w a s l oo ki nga t m e., .

I t w as a f ew d ri nk s l at er-- fo r b ot h o f u s: W e w e re b ot h m or er el ax ed t ha n w he n w e f ir st s aw e ac h o th er .

H e s li d o ve r t o t he s to ol n ext t o m e , w he re t he p il ot 'sd au gh te r h ad b ee n s it ti ng , a nd s ai d, " I g ue ss y ou k no w I 'v e b e e nl oo ki ng a t y ou s in ce I c am e i n. "

I s a id , " Ye s, I k n ow."H e t o ok m y h a nd a nd s ho ok i t a nd s ai d, " I' m N ic k G od wa rd. I

u se d t o b e a n a t t or ne y. N ow I 'm a p r op he t. "I d i dn 't k no w w ha t t he h el l h e w a s t al ki ng a bo ut . I s ai d,

"W e ll , I k no w s o m e a t to r ne y s- -I w o rk f o r a tt o rn e ys - -b u t I ' ve n e v e rm et a n a t to rn ey w ho w as a p ro ph et ."

H e s mi l ed a n d s a i d, " R em e mb e r, I s ai d I wed t o b e a n a t to r ne y ."I t o ld h im m y n am e w as S ha ro n.H e t oo k m y h an d i n hi s a nd k is se d i t a nd s ai d, " I' m g l ad t o

k no w y ou , S ha ro n. " T he n h e k i ss ed m e o n t he l ip s- -f or a l o ng t im e- -j us t l ik e t ha t--a nd t he re wa s t hi s l on g m om en t o f s ho ck a nds il en ce -- we w er e b ot h s ur pr is ed b y w h at h e d i d-- a nd t he d ro ne o f

t h e b a r s e e m ed t o d i s ap p ea r f o r a m in u te: T h e p e o pl e w e re a l l s t il lt he re , b ut t he re w as n o s o un d- -a nd t he t wo o f u s j us t s at t he rel o ok i ng a t e a c h o t he r .

T he n h e s a id : " wo ul d y ou l ik e t o k no w w ha t I'm d oi ng h er e?"I s a id , " I t h in k I a lr ea dy k no w. "H e l a u gh ed a nd s ai d, " No , I d o n' t t hi nk s o. " T he n h e s a i d, " Of

c ou rs e I l o ve t o m e e t w om en -- an d t ha t' s a lw ay s n ic e- -b ut t ha t' sn ev er m y p r im ar y o bj ec ti ve w he n I c om e t o p l ac es l ik e t hi s."

H e p au se d. H e w as w ai ti ng f or m e t o a s k h i m, s o I d i d: " Sowh at 's yo ur 'p ri mar y ob jec ti ve ' wh en yo u co me to pla ce s li ke th is? "

H e s ai d, " I' m h er e t on ig ht , i n t hi s b ar i n y ou r s tr an geneighborhood " He d ri ft ed f or a f ew s ec on ds , t he n c am e b ac k: "I'mh e re t o o b s er v e t i me a n d h u m an i ty."

I said, "F i rs t o f a l l, i t 's n o t m y n e i g hb o rh o od - -I w o rk n e ar b yb ut I l iv e i n t he Va ll ey. A n d b e si d es, y ou s ai d y ou w er e a na t to r ne y -- I m e an p r op h et - -n o t o n e o f t h o se s p ac e a l ie n s t h at p e op l es ay c om e d ow n h er e t o e a rt h a ll t he t im e t o c h ec k u s o u t. "

H e l au gh ed b ut h e d i d n' t s ay a ny th in g. H e l oo ke d m e i n t hee yes , t he n a t m y b od y u p a n d d ow n a f ew t im es. W he n h is e ye sf in al ly r es te d o n t h e b a rt op i n f r on t o f h im , h e p o in te d t o t h es po t h e w as l oo ki ng a t a n d s a id t o m e i n a s e ri ou s v oi ce: "Wouldy ou l ik e t o k n o w t he k ey t o t h e u n i ve rs e, S ha ro n? "

A s h e s a i d t h a t a nd I wa s l oo ki ng a t h im , I n ot ic ed h e h ad n' ts ha ve d f or a c o u pl e o f d a ys . H e h a d d i rt u nd er h is f in ge rn ai ls a ndh i s c l o th e s w e re d i rt y .

I t h ou gh t t o m y se lf , T hi s g uy 's r ea ll y g ot s om et hi ng w ro ngwi th hi m, bu t do n't mis un de rs tan d me : T ha t d id n' t t ur n m e o ff -- Il ik ed i t: I t w as k in d o f i n t er es ti ng -- mo re i nt er es ti ng t ha n t hep il ot , w ho w as n ic e b ut t he re w as a bs ol ut el y n o c h em is tr y t he re--

l ik e I s a id b ef or e, t he re w as n ot hi ng b et we en u s.I s m il ed a t N i ck a nd t ou ch ed h is a rm a nd s ai d, " Ok ay . W e' reb ot h d ru nk , s o w ha t t he h el l? W ha t i s i t ? W ha t' s t he k ey t o t heuniverse?"

H e s a id , " Th e k ey t o t h e u n iv er se i s a c i rc le a nd a l i n e. "I l o o ke d a t h i m l ik e h e w a s c ra zy ." It 's n ot o ne o r t h e o t he r- -t ha t' s w he re t he y' ve g ot i t a ll

wr on g, " he sa id , "b eca us e it 's no t al l ci rc ula r, and it' s not ju sta s t ra ig ht l in e e it he r. " T he t on e o f h i s v o i ce w as v er y s er io us,

I d i dn 't g et i t- -h ad n o i d e a w h at h e w a s t al ki ng a bo ut ." I do n' t l ik e t o t h i nk o f t h e s y mb ol f or t h is a ns we r a s a

c ir cl e w it h a l i n e d r a wn t hr ou gh i t, " h e w e n t o n, " be ca us e t ha tl oo ks t oo m u c h l ik e t h e s ym bo l p eo pl e u se f or z er o, a nd I t hi nk i ts h ou l d b e m o re p o si t iv e t h an t h at . "

W it h h is f in ge r h e f i r st t ra ce d a c i rc le w it h a v er ti ca l l in eg oi ng t hr ou gh i t o n t he b ar to p ( 1) -- to r ep re se nt t he p os si bl es ym bo l- -a nd t he n a c i rc le w it h a s l as h g oi ng t hr ou gh i t- -l ik e t hes i gn f o r z er o -- f or c o mp a ri s on ( 2 ):

(1) (2)

H e s a id , " I l ik e t o t hi nk o f i t i ns te ad a s a c i rc le w it h as qu ar e a ro un d i t- -l ik e t hi s . " a nd as he said it he pulled ap en ci l a nd s ma ll p ad f il le d w it h n ot es o ut o f h i s p o ck et , a nd d re wa p i ct u re l i ke t h is :

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I l o o ke d a t t he d ra wi ng. I s ai d, " I d on't w an t t o u ps et y ouor anything--I k no w t hi s i s i mp or ta nt t o y ou -- bu t t ha t' s a c ir cl ea n d a s q u a re."

A nd h e s a i d, " I k no w, b ut a s q ua re i s j u st f ou r l in es ."H e s m il ed a nd p oi nt ed a t t he t el ev is io n u p i n t he c or ne r a nd

said, " I t l o o k s k i nd o f l i ke t e le v is i on."I said, "Are you trying to tell me that the key to the

u n iv e rs e i s a t e le v is i on ? "H e s a id , "N o , n o --t ha t' s n ot i t a t a ll-- t ho u gh t h e t e le v is i on

c an c er ta in ly t el l y ou w ha t y ou n ee d t o k n o w i f y o u k no w h ow t ou s e i t p r o pe r ly,"

I th o ug h t a b ou t m y k i d s a t h o me - -e a ti n g M c Do n al d 's , w a tc h in gTV -- t ry in g t o k il l t im e- -a nd I s ta rt ed t o f e el b ad , b ut t he n Il oo ke d a t N i ck a nd j us t h ad t o l au gh N o o ne I k n ew w el l w ou ldb e a b le t o s e e i t , b ut I k ne w t ha t h e w a s r e a ll y s om et hi ng s pe ci al .

H e o r de re d t wo m or e d ri nk s. T he n h e l o ok ed a t m e a nd s ai d:"The key to the universe is that you have to consider allpossibilities--n ot j us t o ne w a y, " a nd h e t or e t he d ra wi ng o ut o ft he n ot ep ad a nd h an de d i t t o m e. " He re ," h e s a i d, " ke ep t hi s a ndt hi nk a bo ut i t. L oo k a t i t s o me ti me s."

W e s a t t a lk in g l ik e t h at u nt il t he b ar c lo se d. I d id n' t e ve nn ot ic e w he n t he p il ot a nd h is d au gh te r l ef t. W e w e re t he l as t o ne st o l ea ve . W e s ai d g oo d n ig ht t o B e tt y a nd s to od o ut si de o n t hes id ew al k a t a q u ar te r a ft er t wo i n t he m or ni ng . W e w e re b ot h t ood ru nk t o e ve n t hi nk a bo ut d ri vi ng . W e s t ar te d w al ki ng t ow ar dWilshire.

H e s a i d, " W ha t s h ou l d we d o n ow ?"I t ol d h im m y o f f ic e w as c lo se b y. I s ai d, " We c an g o t he rea nd s le ep a f ew h o u rs a nd t he n g o h o me wh en w e c an b ot h d ri ve ."

H e l au gh ed l ik e I 'd s ai d s om et hi ng f un ny a nd t he n h e s ai d,"I sn 't t ha t a l it tl e s tr an ge ?" T he re w as a w e ir d s ar ca sm i n h isv o ic e . H e s a i d, " I d id n' t t hi nk p eo pl e w er e s up po se d t o s l ee p i noffice buildings. I k n ow I n e ve r d id w he n I w a s w o r ki ng."

I d idn' t know w ha t t o s a y t o h i m . I m us t h av e l oo ke d a t h im l ik e h e w as c ra zy a ga in b ec au se h e l oo ke d a t m e a nd l au gh ed a nds a id : " D on ' t w o rr y. I d id o th er t hi ng s I w as n' t s up po se d t o w he nI w a s w o rk i ng I j us t n e ve r s pe nt t he n ig ht i n t he o ff ic e w it h a

wo ma n."I t w as c o ld a n d q u i et o u ts i de. Y o u c o u l d h e ar t h e e l e c tr i ci t y

f ro m t h e p o w er l ine s a nd s ee t he r ed s to p l ig ht s f la sh in g i n t hem is t a t t h e s tr ee t c or ne r.

I l oo ke d u p a t him a nd s ai d, " I t h i nk i t' s a ll r ig ht. I' ved on e i t be fo re a nd i t's n ev er b ee n a p r o bl em ."

T he n I t h ou gh t a bo ut i t a m i nu te a nd s ai d, " We'r e n ot g oi ngt o s t ea l a n yt h in g, a nd t he g u a rd s a ll k no w m e a nd t he y k now I ' m n o tg o in g t o d o a n y t hi n g s t up i d--j us t a vo id h av in g a n accident. It'llb e a ll r ig ht."

H e t oo k m y h an d, "Y o u d o n't h av e t o c o nv in ce m e, " h e s a id . H ewa it ed , th en ad ded : "A nd yo u do n't ha ve to al wa ys be so se ri ou s."

W e w a l ke d d ow n W il sh ir e B ou le va rd a f ew b l o ck s t o m y o ff ic e.T he g u ar d s l e t u s i n t h e b u i ld i ng-- n o p r ob l em - -n o th i ng s a id e x ce p th el lo a nd g oo d n ig ht. T he y w er e a s t i re d a s w e w e re. T h ey m i gh tha ve b e en d r in k in g t h em s el v es. W e t o o k t he e le va to r u p- -t he o nl yo ne r un ni ng a t t h at t im e o f n i gh t-- an d w al ke d d ow n a l o n g h a ll wa yt o t h e o f fi c e.

A s I s hu t t he d oo r, h e s a id , " Th is i s pr et ty n ic e."I l e ft t he l ig ht s o ff. W e s t o o d b y t h e w i n d ow - -t h e e n ti r e w a ll

was a win do w-- di re ct ly b eh in d t he r e c ep ti on a re a. W e l o ok ed d ow nt en s to ri es t o t h e s tr ee t, t he c ar s p as si ng b y, o ut a t t h e l ig ht so f t h e c it y.

T ha t n ig ht w as a t u rn in g p oi nt i n my l if e.

I 'd n ev er g ot te n i nt o t r ou bl e f or s pe nd in g t he n ig ht t he re ,b ut t hi s t im e I d i d- -i t d id t ur n o ut t o b e a p r ob le m- -b ec au se o nc e

we go t th ere --a ft er we fi ni sh ed tal ki ng a nd l oo ki ng o ut t he w in do w-- we m ad e l ov e f or a c o u pl e o f h ou rs. D on 't a sk m e h o w w he n w e w e reb ot h s o d ru nk b ut w e d id. W e w er e e xh au ste d b y t he t im e w efinished--f el l i nt o d ee p s l e ep --a n d s u dd e nly , a s th ou gh n o t im e a ta l l h ad p a s s ed , w e f o u n d o u r s el v es s t ar t le d a w ak e , h a l f d r e s s ed o nt he c ou ch i n t he r ec ep ti on a re a.

On e o f t he b os se s c ame i n at s ev en i n t he m or ni ng w it h aclient.

O f c ou rs e I w a s f ir ed o n t h e s po t. T he b os s s ai d s om et hi ngo ri gi na l l ik e, " Sh ar on , t hi s t im e y ou 'v e g on e t oo f ar ," b ut 1 w ast oo h un g o ve r w i t h s ex a nd a l c oh ol t o e v en b eg in t o t hi nk a bo ut i t.I d on ' t e v en r e me m be r t h e c l i en t 's r e ac t io n .

W e p u t t he r es t o f o u r c lo thes o n a nd l ef t t h e o f fic e. Wec le an ed u p i n t h e r es tr oo ms a nd t he n w e nt t o t h e c of fe e s ho pd o wn s ta i rs t o h a v e b r ea k fa s t.

W e w e re s it ti ng a t a s ma ll t ab le w at ch in g p eo pl e c om e i nb ef or e w or k. W e t al ke d w hi le m id dl e- ag ed w ai tr es se s c al le d o utb r ea k fa s t o r de r s i n t h e b a c k gr o un d .

N ic k s ai d t o m e, "W ha t d o y ou wa nt t o d o n ow ?" I s ai d, " 1d on 't k no w. M y l as t i de a d i dn 't t ur n o ut t oo g oo d," a nd w e b ot hb u rs t o u t l a ug h in g .

H e a s ke d m e: " Do y ou h av e a n a partment?"I s a id, " I l i v e i n a h o u se." I l o ok ed a t hi m . " I n t h e V a l l ey,

wi th my hu sb an d."T he r e w a s s i le n ce, t he n: " Oh , 1 s e e ."" I d on 't r ea ll y f ee l l i k e s ee in g h im r ig ht n ow ."" No , I d o n' t e it he r, " h e s a i d.T he n h e s a i d, " I' ve g ot a p l ac e. I t' s n o t m u ch , b ut y ou c an

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c om e o ve r a nd r es t, c le an u p .. g et y ou r t ho ug ht s t og et he r i f y ouwant."

W e f in is he d e at in g a nd w en t o ut i nt o t he d ay li gh t. W e w a lk e da f ew b l oc ks t ow ar d m y c a r, t h en h e a s k ed m e : " D o y o u n e e d a n yt h in go ut o f y o ur c ar ?" I s ai d n o. " Th en l et 's j us t t ak e m ine ," h e s ai d." We 'l l l ea ve y ou rs h er e f or n o w a n d b ot h g o i n m in e."

H e h a d a n o l d f ad ed l ig ht b lu e p iC k- Up t ru ck w it h a p a rk in gt ic ke t o n

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