Dr. Malcolm Smith

(Presenter has no relevant financial disclosures)

BULLYING HAS BEEN CLEARLY

LINKED AS A SIGNIFICANT FACTOR IN EACH OF 54 SCHOOL SHOOTINGS IN U.S. SCHOOLS INCLUDING COLUMBINE, SANDYHOOK, and many more

What is bullying? a single incident or pattern of significant severity involving a written, verbal, electronic or physical act intended to:

• Physically harm a pupil or damage the pupil's property; or • Cause substantial emotional distress to a pupil; or• Interfere with a pupil's educational opportunities; or• Be severe, persistent, or pervasive so as to create an

intimidating or threatening educational environment: or• Disrupt the orderly operation of the school.

Imbalance of power

• Bullying shall also include actions shown to be motivated by an imbalance of power, based on a pupil's actual or perceived characteristics, behaviors, or beliefs, or motivated by the pupil's association with another person and based on the other person's characteristics, behaviors, or beliefs.

Imbalance of power

• A key component of bullying situations: imbalance of power between the bully and her victims.

• This power can be real or perceived, and may involve gender, culture, race, social class, etc.

• Mediation doesn’t work in dealing with most bullying incidents.

Bullying and the law

• No Federal Law makes bullying illegal.• State laws have tried to add clarity.• NH HB 1523, Passed May, 2010:

– Clear definition of bullying and cyber-bullying.– Reporting and recording.– Training.– Protection from retaliation.

How widespread is bullying?

• 7,000,000 incidents of bullying occur in U.S. schools per year.

• Bullying affects at least 1 of 3 public school may be as high as 50%

• Students rank bullying a bigger problem than HIV, drugs, and racism in their schools.

Reporting laws and definitions vary from district to district and state to state. However:

Children with mental illness

• Are three more times more likely to be victims

• Are more deeply affected by seeing other people bullied

• May try to retaliate• Carry residual brain effects of bullying into

adulthood

Where is bullying most likely to occur?

Wherever teacher/adult supervision is lacking:• School restrooms• Locker rooms• Stairwells• Bus• School grounds• Classrooms

What do we know about bullies?

• Likely to become antisocial adults.• More likely to be involved in domestic

violence and child abuse.• Likely to have children who become bullies.• Likely to commit crimes.• More likely to drink and smoke.

REPEATED BULLYING

BEHAVIOR CAN

CONTRIBUTE TO A

CONDUCT DISORDER

Three Types of Bullies

• 1. The Narcissist Bully (I’m better than you)

• Social Learning Deficit• May become pathological without intervention

• 2. The Pathological Bully (Passive)• Sneaky and indirect• Uses the “posse” or peer group

• 3. The Retaliation Bully» Often unnoticed until too late» Highly associated with violence

Boys & girls bully differently

• Boys:• More physical: hitting, pushing, etc.• Cause more property damage.• More often engage in sexual harassment.

• Girls:• Engage in more relationship bullying.• Bully by exclusion.• Are becoming more violent.

Bullying: Consequences to victims

• Depression• Risk of suicide• Post-traumatic stress• Effects may last 5 years or more• More likely to avoid school• More likely to bring a weapon to school

What do we need to teach?

1. Understanding Power in school climate and culture: How it can help or hurt Powervid

2. Caring for Others: Respect, Kindness, Fairness, and empathy Caringvideo

3. Being Mindful: Having control over one’s own behavior

What do we need to teach?

4. Social Expectations and Citizenship: What is expected in the “real world” sociallearning vid

5. Having Insight and Being “Cueful.” Knowing when and when not to intervene.

6. Individualism and Groups: How to deal with cliques and stereotypes groupsvid

7. Developing the Courage to Care: Why “Bystanding” is dangerous couragevid

There are no innocent bystanders

• 1. Assistants: join in the attacks on the victims either physically, verbally, or electronically.

• 2. Reinforcers: act like an audience and although they don’t attack the victim, support the bully’s behavior by encouraging him or her.

• 3.Outsiders are aware of the bullying but do nothing lending silent approval.

• 4. Defenders try to comfort the victim, take the victim’s side, report the bully or intervene.

THE ANGER TRIANGLE

ANGER

FEAR

VIOLENCE

LUKE’S STORY

When a student bullies…………• Use DISCIPLINE, not punishment

– The student must take responsibility for his/her behavior and tell you why it was wrong

– The student must be able to tell you what alternative behaviors he or she could have used

– The student MUST atone or perform “Mitzvah.” Sorry is not enough!

• Partner With:Parents

Mental Health

Court/SROs

Partnering With Parents

• When approaching a student’s parent, become an ally, not an accuser:– List positive attributes as well as negative– Show empathy and concern for the child and

the parent’s position– Use phrases like “We’re worried about your

child” or “We want your child to succeed”

Signs that a student may be a victim of bullying

• Exclusion• Fear• No one “has his/her back”• Erratic Attendance• Depression/sadness or withdrawal• Clinging to teachers/staff

If you determine a student is being bullied

• Notify your principal or supervisor immediately• Get the facts: Assess injury or damage• Decide together whom to contact/inform. • Reassure the student but make only those promises you

know you can keep. • Teach assertiveness not aggressiveness• Develop a full bullying plan• Partner with parents involved

If you find out a student is being bullied

Collect these facts:• Who was involved?• What exactly was said and done?• Where did the bullying happen?• When did it occur?• Were adults present? • Were there video cameras?• Were there bystanders?

Signs of severe stress in bullying victims

• Depression• Changes in appetite• Difficulty sleeping• Personality changes

• Substance abuse• Suicidal thoughts• Hopelessness• Fatigue• Self-injury

Trauma Screening Questionnaire

• 1. Upsetting thoughts or memories about the event that have come into your mind against your will

• 2. Upsetting dreams about the event• 3. Acting or feeling as though the event were happening again• 4. Feeling upset by reminders of the event• 5. Bodily reactions (such as fast heartbeat, stomach churning,

sweatiness, dizziness) when reminded of the event• 6. Difficulty falling or staying asleep• 7. Irritability or outbursts of anger• 8. Difficulty concentrating• 9. Heightened awareness of potential dangers to yourself and

others• 10. Being jumpy or being startled to easily

http://www.completepractitioner.com/assessment/PSD.pdf

10 myths about bullying

Myth #1: Bullying is a normal part of growing up.

Reality: Bullying is not normal. It is a violation of a child’s rights. It is fraught with emotion and can be dangerous.

10 myths about bullying

Myth #2: Children who get bullied are “wimps” and should learn to fight back.

Reality: Being bullied is not a sign of weakness. Bullies are often emotionally troubled and fighting back can be dangerous. Help your child develop a bullying plan!

10 myths about bullying

Myth #3 Bullies are just kids with low self-esteem. They are just trying to be in charge.

Reality: This myth has caused a lot of problems and generated some bad programs. Actually, most bullies are narcissists with high self esteem.

10 myths about bullying

Myth #4: Children just have to learn about bullying on their own. If parents get involved it makes it worse.

Reality: Adults are protected by harassment laws in their workplaces, and most adults don’t have to face bullying alone. Parents should be caring and wise when they intervene, but no one should have to face bullying alone.

10 myths about bullying

Myth #5: Bullying just toughens you up.

Reality: When has stress, harassment, exclusion, violence, or trauma ever just “toughened you up?”

10 myths about bullying

Myth #6: If you just ignore a bully, he or she will go away.

Reality: Bullying research has shown that ignoring the behavior often results in increased attention from a bully who is anxious to get a response.

10 myths about bullying

Myth # 7: We should just teach our kids that “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words shall never hurt me.”

Reality: Words hurt. They can cause lasting damage to a child’s emotional state.

10 myths about bullying

Myth #8: With all the attention, schools and youth programs have gotten much better at dealing with bullying.

Reality: Although schools and programs have become aware of bullying, incidents haven’t decreased. Only about four percent of reported bullying incidents result in adult involvement.

10 myths about bullying

Myth #9: Bullying is a big-school problem.

Reality: Bullying happens in rural, urban and suburban areas both in schools and out of schools. It is the responsibility of anyone who cares about young people.

10 Myths About Bullying

Myth #10: Kids don’t tell adults about bullying.

Reality: Careful research on reporting has shown that when young people have caring, concerned adults in their lives they not only want to talk about bullying, they will talk about it.

Making your community’s schools safer

• Model good social skills yourself.• Advocate for safer schools & better laws. • Work with your school parent-teacher

organization. • Engage parents and students in prevention. • Work on Culture and Climate!

▪#1's THE WALKING DEAD▪#2's THE CAN’T DO PEOPLE▪#3's THE WHINERS▪#4's THE PARTY PEOPLE▪#5's THE PARTY THROWERS!!!!

THE PARTY: ARE YOU SAFE AND EFFECTIVE?

For more information

Dr. Malcolm L. Smith, Family Life and Family Policy SpecialistUNH Cooperative Extensionwww.extension.unh.edu

The Family Education Collaborativewww.ywcanh.org