Does God exist?

By Marcela Archilla

For the first time in months, maybe even closer to a year, I got up this morning on my own and went to church. Not because I was meeting friends, not because my parents expected me to, not because someone special was preaching or playing music, but because I wanted to see if God was real. For the past month and a half I have been bombarded with life. I was incredibly depressed and i'd struggled every day to get my life back together, but when it seemed as though things were looking up in one aspect of my life, something else would go terribly wrong. I was afraid to draw near to God because of what He would take from me and it seemed as though my prediction was coming true. A lot of people tried to give me religious advice. They told me it wasnt God, they told me to pray, they told me to depend on Him and He would provide so I tried. I prayed, I cut back on some of the things I knew were vices in my life and I waited but nothing happened. After a particularly awful blow that life had thrown my way I tried my best to reach for God. I didn't want to depend on other people to get me through and I wanted to cling to Him but I wasnt getting any answers. I would sit in my car in tears, begging and pleading for some kind of sign that God was real, that I wasnt just talking to the air, that my prayers werent just hitting the roof of my car, telling God that I was so overwhelmed that I didnt have time to find Him. I needed Him to show me that He existed, not wanting to search for a Ghost. This morning I planned on skipping church, as usual, but happened to wake up about 45 minutes before the sermon started. I felt guilty so I got up, got dressed, grabbed a change of clothes and headed out. I slipped into one of the front rows through a side door and sat down about 5 minutes before the sermon started. Usually I pull out my phone and play sudoku, half paying attention to the sermon, telling myself its enough that im even in church, but for some reason I put everything away, laid my arm up on the back of the pew and told God this was His chance. I was listening. The sermon then started with a short video of a few words that said this:

"Shhh...I've been trying to get your attention, but you've been distracted. I want you to stop. Stop thinking, planning, worrying about your marriage, taxes, cars, the news, your job, money, relationships, sports, the stock market, whats on tv, your future, your past, your kids, your education, your weekend, your wardrobe, where you're going to eat after this. None of that compares to what I have to tell you, but you have to listen. Be silent. Be calm. Be still and know that I am God."

Needless to say, He had my attention. The sermon was about listening, about making time to sit with God and to LISTEN. The pastor talked about Enoch and John the Baptist and how they spent time in solitude to meditate and pray, to hear what God had to say. He talked about Samuel and how he did not know God, how he had to learn to listen. Even Jesus prayed and listened, so who are we to think that we are exempt? I sat there and remembered every time that I had prayed in my car in the past month and a half. I thanked God, I sang to God, I plead with God, I cried to God, I yelled at God, and I asked Him for the things I wanted most, but when had I ever listened? I was asking God for help but I never waited to hear the answer. The pastor suggested that we change our prayer, that we choose to listen. A quote from a book titled "His Daily Life" said this: "Christ is ever sending messages to those who listen for His voice."

I went to church today discouraged and empty, and I left with hope. I had questioned God's

existence and waited for an answer I hadnt allowed myself to hear. No, my problems haven't gone away. No, I dont feel drastically altered. Yes, I still feel the pain of the rejection and stress the last month and a half has brought me, and I will continue to struggle through the semester. BUT my difference is God. He showed up exactly when I needed Him to, when I was ready to listen. So what did I learn today? To worry less, listen more, and that yes, God does exist.