8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 1/12

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 2/12

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 3/12

3

John-isms™

Dedicated to John Nioros...

For ruining my lie,

 yet making it so entertaining in the process.

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 4/12

John-isms™

4

What percentage do you agree with me?

 I think her problem is Cherokee blood.

What a Group.

Do you think it’s a drug problem?

So much damage!

 Are you amiliar with the “rickle-Down Teory”?

 I hate your shoes.

Stop it.

Silly.

 Bullshit.

You know what your problem is?

Hey Chie, nice hat.

 But I own a Home Depot!

She suers rom Relaxed Brain Syndrome

Drooly Mouth

What an interesting species.

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 5/12

5

John-isms™

 Is that naugh-ty?

Looks new to me!

What are you, stupid?

 I think it’s an emotional problem... Maybe he had a nervous

breakdown.

One percent o a million!

Tis isn’t primary orest! It’s all secondary!

Some day we’ll all be working or the Chinese!

Small matter.

 In any event...

Small minds bring small things.

Knock it o.

 Best to remain silent and be thought a ool than to speak and 

remove all doubt.

 I could use a couple o drat beers.

What’s the cheapest beer you have?

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 6/12

John-isms™

6

Put them on the 70% Markup List

 It’s actually quite simple, undamentally...

Hi, I’m John. Remember me?

So I caught a special on the History Station the other night...

 Billy, why?!

 Ahhhhhhhhh [as he alls into a crate]

Dr. Phil said he agrees that you’re part o the problem.

He’s out there somewhere.

Where are we?

 Billy, how do you spell ‘Nincompoops’?

Cool!

 In 1974 I bought [insert company name, time & elaborate

details o the transaction here].

You think? No...

Check Google.

Put it in your ass.

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 7/12

7

John-isms™

 I’m going back to Papua New Guinea.

You guys are stressul.

Wow!

Regards, JN 

 I think he’s involved with the Chinese.

See this? You can’t do that.

 My ucking wie. I’m going to have her stued.

 I think it’s a genetic problem.

 Billy, call John... [eedback over intercom]

Have you ever been to Cody, Wyoming? I fnd it quite nice.

Remember when I was invaded by Homeland Security?

 I’d like to drive a tanker truck right through the ront o the

Super Center.

Easy, easy!

She’s spastic!

When I was a young man, I was actually quite handsome.

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 8/12

John-isms™

8

 Nobody listens to me!

What do I know.

“Stupid is as stupid does.” [Bad Forrest Gump impression]

“And I kept running and running...” [Yet another bad Forrest

Gump impression, ollowed by wild laughter]

 It’s a Malaysian custom.

 I think he has a sleeping disorder.

Whoa, she’s strong!

Hey Doc. [to a priest]

She’s well-bred. [to the priest’s wie]

 My Ya-Ya once told me...

Such a waste o energy.

 I bet you could buy an entire sea-land container o these or

eight cents each...

What do you mean?

 I’m doing VERY well.

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 9/12

9

John-isms™

...I’ll light the match.

 I don’t think I’m ever coming back to Colorado. It sounds

dangerous up there.

 I’ve been coming here since 1982!

You scallywag!

Here’s the priority at my house: Tere’s John, then there’s

 Marlena, then there’s the Mother, then whoever else, thenthe Dog... then there’s me.

He has no sense o sel-preservation.

Remember when you went to see those Jews in New York?

Do I look homesick to you?Tis ucking French Fagor shit. We ought to just start bomb-

ing them.

Check Google: Coney Island, 1951, Te Steeple Chase.

Hey, did you ever fnd out who murdered your riend?

Would you enjoy crushing companies and destroying them

fnancially?

Hey, check that one website...

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 10/12

John-isms™

10

 My lie is already 60% over. ime’s running out!

 I once drove all the way to the North Pole.

 Zero olerance.

See ya in the unny papers.

 I eel like I’m in the wilight Zone!

We’re out o control!

Why don’t we try the chicken fngers?

Coors. Original, please.

Tat guy has more loose marbles than Chinese Checkers.

Do you even know what an airplane is? Come on! Stop it!

Send it. Oops. Get that back.

 Actually it’s all really quite simple...

860 more miles and we could have been in Greybull, Wyo-

ming.

 I just got out o jail! [to a random bartender]

Tese women are all ugly.

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 11/12

11

John-isms™

You know, he’ll always be the son o a logger.

Hey! Remember when I told you that [insert something he

never mentioned beore] ...

When everyone agrees, that means you have a problem.

 I’m not rich like you!

 I’ve never asked you to do anything illegal.

What a job!

 I’m not saying I’m always right, but you should just really

consider what I’m saying.

Start a list: Number One...

Jeanie, put a note on Billy’s time card...

8/14/2019 "Do You Know What Your Problem Is" - The Wit and Wisdom of America's Most Successful Businessman

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/do-you-know-what-your-problem-is-the-wit-and-wisdom-of-americas-most 12/12