Do any of you poop or pee in front of your boy/girl friend?

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Transcript of Do any of you poop or pee in front of your boy/girl friend?

Do any of you poop or pee in front of your boy/girl friend?

I do not subscribe to the open-door policy, as it pertains to the subject of happy couples being privy to each others revolting goings-on in the bathroom. Some couples believe that being perched on the porcelain convenience, carving hideous intestinal sculpture, while the other one watches, is a symbol of some sort of higher level of comfort, candidness, or sincerity. Its as if, in observing their significant other in such a manner, his or her feet propped up on two phone books for maximum expulsion velocity, one would be offering up some sort of proof of their undying, perpetual, and eternal love for one another. Not I. I have installed big burglar bars on my bathroom door because I enjoy a little private moment when I feel the urge to purge. I believe that there should be some aspects that, no matter how long youve loved someone, should remain undisclosed and confidential. There should always be some facets of your life that remain a mystery. For, Id rather not see the look of grim determination on my lovers face, as she sets her teeth into a painful grimace, and begins to launch. Id rather she, not hear the onslaught of my barrage, as my lower intestine shudders one free. If I were married, wed share each morning togetherwed share breakfastour dinnerswed take off on vacationswed take long walks. Occasionally, shed watch me select a tie from the rack in my closet. But thats it. I dont want her to hear the creaking of my bomb-bay doors, as fetid cargo makes its way past repugnant pimples, only to land with a greasy SLAP on the bottom of the low-water-usage bowl. I dont want her hearing me muttering profanities under my breath, as I hit the flush lever, time and time again, for the disobedient dry-docked log that refuses to curl around the u-bend at the rear of the commode. Id rather not hear her as she, likewise, lets fly a bowel salvo of stuffed squid from the glorious buffet she partaked in, the day before. I would recommend that all couples, proceeding through their life together, be it temporary or til death do them part, savor this one, tiny morsel of personal intimacy that remains. Yesshare each others most personal secretsexperience each other as youve never experienced anyone who has come beforelove each other unconditionally and accept each other at your absolute worstbut shed not, that last, residual fragment of your dignity. In fact, in my mindbecause I refuse to witness the procedureI can only assume that it never happens! I REJECT the image of it so utterly and completely, that I can only suppose that instead of even needing to use the toilet, my girlfriends have somehow perfected some process of osmosis, whereby their body heat merely causes a dissipation of its wastes into the atmosphere, in the form of easilyrecyclable, odorless, gaseous deposits. So I can only conclude that my girlfriends do not go to the bathroom. There are some things that I just dont want to picture, and therefore, I refuse to.