DID YOU EVER WANT A SWISS ARMY KNIFE AS A KID?How To be Macgyver

Copyright 1996-98 © Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.

GET OUT OF ANY BIND

• All it takes is a little imagination.

• Some basic household items.

• And an actual reason to try some of these things

“The Impromptu Medicine Cabinet”

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“THE POTATO CANNON”• WHAT YOU NEED:

2’ of 2” diameter PVC pipe(your barrel), 1” of 3” diameter PVC pipe(your chamber), Threaded end for a 3” pipe, screw0off end of cap coupling to connect 3” and 2” pipe, PVC cement, BBQ igniter, 2 drywall screws, hair spray, and plenty of spuds.

STEP 1:

Connect the barrel and the chamber with coupling and glu it into place. Start on the enemy list.

STEP 2:

Screw drywall screws through opposite sides of the chamber, leaving ¼” to 3/8” gap between their points. Connect the igniter to the screws and make sure they spark. If not, move the screws closer together.

STEP 3:

Close off the chamber with threaded end of cap. Sharpen the barrel with a file so the potato will be cut to size when forced in.

STEP 4:

Cut large potato in half and use a broom handle to push the spud to just above the combustion chamber.

STEP 5:

Unscrew the back and fill with hair spry for about 5 seconds (some experimentation will be needed to gauge the right amount). Screw the cap back on quickly.

STEP 6:

Take aim. Ignite. WARNING: Be careful, as the spud will travel like a friggin’ rocket.

“THE EXTERMINATOR”FREEZE FLIES WITH HAIR SPRAY

Few things are more satisfying than killing an obnoxious fly, but the tough part is always catching it. Not anymore: Spray it with hair spray, which will stiffen its wings. Now you can pluck off its legs at your

leisure.

KILL ANTS WITH SOAP

Got ants in your pants? Nothing works like Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Soap, which uses a potent peppermint oil that ant’s just can’t handle. Mix 3 tablespoons with 16 ounces of water in a spray bottle and squirt it right on the buggers. After a few entertaining seconds of writhing agony, they’ll be dead. To take out a

whole colony, add one cup to a bucket of boiling water and pour directly on hill.

DROWN BEES WITH BEER

Get a clean, empty jar and fill it ¾ full of beer, punch several holes in the lid, and place where bees, wasps, and yellow jackets like to pollinate. When they try to get at the beer they drown. Same method works

with slugs. Just fill half way and do not use a lid.

EXPLODE COCKROACHES WITH BAKING SODA

Overrun by cockroaches? First clean your damn house, you filthy slob. If that still does not work, kill the buggers off the fun way. Start by mixing one tablespoon of sugar with a half-cup of baking soda;

sprinkle this mixture liberally in corners and crevices. After the roaches walk through the powder, they’ll lick their feet. Since they can’t digest the baking powder or burp out the gas it produces, they’ll explode.

“THE ROCKET DRAGSTER”

”

“HOME MAINTENANCE”ALL YOU NEED IS A SET OF MISMATCHED TOOLS (GERBERS & LEATHERMANS are great) AND TWO GOOD HANDS…

QUIET A DRIP WITH STRING

When the faucet bags like a gong in you hangover cursed head, you could perform a 4 A.M. washer replacement, or just tie a string to the faucet and put the end in the drain. The water will run down without a sound.

SEAL A PUNCTURED HOSE WITH A TOOTHPICK

Take a toothpick and stick it into the puncture hole (assuming you did not cut it with a broadsword), snap the toothpick flush with the hose’s skin, and then wrap securely with packaging tape. When you turn on the hose the toothpick will absorb the water and swell to seal the hole.

SPACKLE WITH TOOTHPASTE

Before you paint your house with mill, fill those holes with a small dab of toothpaste or Elmer’s glue. Be sure to let the spackle dry before painting over.

USE A SLINKY TO IMPROVE RECEPTION

Slinkys will work in a pinch when you’re trying to get better TV or radio reception-during the Vietnam War, soldiers would toss Slinky over a high tree branch and use it as a makeshift antenna. Unfortunately they do not do much for unscrambling those certain channels that we all know.

MAKE FERTILIZER FROM BEER

Skip expensive fertilizers and mix one cup each of Epsom salt, mouthwash, liquid soap, and ammonia in a one-quart jar. Fill remaining space with beer. You’ll have enough to cover 2,500 square feet of lawn, and if you use the treatment in May and late June, your grass will be greener than a seasick Leprechaun.

MAKE RUBBER CEMENT FROM OLD SHOES

Out of glue and in a bind? Take bits of rubber from your sneakers or old tires and dissolve them in gasoline until they reach a paste like consistency. Now you have the perfect substance to make fake boogers.

COCKROACH TORCH

• WHAT YOU NEED:

– Disposable breathe spray (such as Binaca), butane lighter, rubber band, and tape.

Step 1:

Tape the lighter against the Binaca so when the flame comes on, the spray will blow along the edge of the flame.

Step 2: Once secure, ignite the lighter and keep it lit by strapping the button down with the rubber band.

Step 3: Hunt for the nearest roach, fly, or other lower life form. (Caution: The bigger the bugger, the more likely it’ll survive the initial burst and scurry, flaming, into your living room.) Aim and depress the spray button. With its quick bursts Binaca is relatively safe-plus, its flame doesn’t leave a smelly black residue, unlike hair spray (or the roach). WARNING: THIS WILL SHOOT A 2FT FLAME so stay away from the curtains.

“IT”S A WD-40 WORLD”

HERE A FEW OF THE MANY APPLICATION OF WD-40. ITS BEEN AROUND ABOUT 40yrs AND ITS BEEN FOUND TO BE A SOLUTION TO JUST ABOUT ANY PROBLEM.

• Spray it on your fishing bait to remove human scent. Some fish are even attracted to the smell itself.

• If your car is firing but the engine won’t turn over, spray some WD-40 in the carburetor (in a car with fuel injection, spray into the air intake valve) and it will start.

• To get gum off of your shoe, squirt it on, wait a few minutes, and then pull the gum right off.

• Keep dogs, cats, raccoons, and that homeless guy out of your trash can by coating it with a thin layer to cover up the odor.

• Spray it on a shovel to keep snow from sticking. In the same vein, spray it on your lawn mower’s blades to keep them grass free.

• A regular dosing will prevent your car’s hoses and fan belts from drying and cracking like Joan River’s face.

• Remove lipstick stains that your, um, wife left on your collar – or any other stain , for that matter. Just squirt it on the spot before washing.

WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT.

• LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY DO IT YOURSELF MACGYVER TYPE IDEAS AND I WILL POST THEM ON THIS SLIDE SHOW

Remember these ideas and instruction should not be attempted by a professional. You’re supposed to be a professional so get the real things already!