Descriptive Writing

Vivid Verbs and Sensuous Sentences

Goals for This Workshop:

Be able to identify ineffective description

Know resources for alternative vocabulary

Have tools for revising description

When Description Is Used

Scenes Introductory paragraphs, narratives

People Profiles, character analyses

Business Résumés, reports, research papers

Processes Process analyses, recipes, personal experience

Ineffective Description

Uses dull, ordinary vocabulary

Lacks sensory information

Fails to follow a logical sequence

Provides unfocused, excessive detail

Effective Descriptions

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs, and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them to know

Dull Verbs and Modifiers

I went up the beach, past colorful rocks, and then I could see him looking into an old log.

Who looked? What kinds of colors? How was the action done?

Some Vivid Verbs & Modifiers

“I stumbled a little woozily up the beach, clambering over the boulders of quietly hallucinatory colours, and then from my new vantage point saw Mark away in the distance on his knees and peering into an old log” (Adams 121).

Ineffective Vocabulary

Inaccurate, vague nouns thing, way, stuff, type, method, factor…

Dull verbs be, do, get, go, have, make…

Clumsy modifiers misused or misplaced adjectives, adverbs, etc.

Where do I find the words?

EVERYWHERE!

Formal sources: reference books, professional journals, news media, etc.

Informal sources: peers, TV, Internet blogs, videos, novels, poetry, podcast interviews—especially with writer-performers

Accurate Nouns?

Nouns are names for people, places, and things—they can be very accurate, or very generic.

Choose whichever is appropriate.

What makes a choice appropriate?

Accurate Nouns

spiky purple flowers water lilies Nymphaeaceae ????

Dull Verbs

Dull verbs only tell us the basic facts, lacking descriptive dimension:

I walked to the store.

Revising Verbs I

Changing the verb can add meaningful information in just one word:

- I slogged to the store.

Now we know it took great effort to do the action, and we may feel what the author felt.

Dull Verbs II

Some common boring verbs:

be, do, get, go, have, make, put, run, see, take, talk, use

Revising Verbs II

To enliven your verbs, circle the repeated boring ones, and replace them with more meaningful verbs:

She ran to answer the phone.

She sprinted to answer the phone.

Power Verbs in Résumés

CreatedStudiedExcelledFormulatedDesignedLedProducedSupervised

FormedManagedHonoredRecognizedAccomplishedAchievedWroteServedExecuted

ConstructedGeneratedInitiatedNegotiatedOperatedMasteredDevelopedPresented

Dynamic, achievement-oriented verbs, such as

Clumsy Modifiers

Dull Adjectives: good, bad, nice, great, different, happy

Confusing placement:

The damaged student’s car

I fought off the dog in my pajamas.

Finding it ransacked, I entered the house.

Adjectives

Adjectives (and adverbs) prevent an action or a thing being any other way:

He spoke softly.

He didn’t speak loudly or hysterically.

My generous neighbor.

Our attention is drawn to the neighbor’s generosity, not sense of humor or annoying habits.

Revising Adjectives

He was a nice guy.

It was a difficult time for me.

What’s your definition of nice?

What made it difficult? How was it so?

Effective Descriptions

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs, and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them to know

Sensory Information

Our readers NEED to have sensory input.

Sensory Information

Sensory input: words that have to do with

sight

feeling (texture and emotions)

taste

smell

sound

Sensory Information

Before writing, visualize the scene, situation, person, or process.

Note the colors, arrangements or sequences, sounds, smells, thoughts or feelings involved.

Sensory Detail

“The smell of the bush, the smell of the dust and grass, caught at [Mma Ramotswe’s] heart as it always did; and now there was added a whiff of wood smoke, that marvellous, acrid smell that insinuates itself through the still air of morning as people make their breakfast and warm their hands by the flames” (Smith 196).

Effective Descriptions

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs, and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them to know

Essential Sensory Information

Our readers need to have ONLY the most

IMPORTANT sensory input!

Decide What Is Important

As writers for an American audience,YOU need to decide what is important for your readers to know—and what can be left out.

Every bit of description has to have a purpose.

Not every sense needs mentioning…

I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth,

egg-shaped, brass doorknob, and turned without resistance.

I pushed open the door and looked around the room that

smelled of rose water and ozone. I turned and walked with

creaking footsteps across the hallway to the next door down

on my right at the two o’clock position. It was inlaid with

mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips. Through the door I

could hear shouting.

Tools for Revising 1

Engage your senses!

Recall or imagine the sounds, smells, tones of voice, textures, etc.

Determine if the words on the page represent the most important sensory details.

What Would You Change?

I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth,

egg-shaped, brass doorknob, and turned without resistance.

I pushed open the door and looked around the room that

smelled of rose water and ozone. I turned and walked with

creaking footsteps across the hallway to the next door down

on my right at the two o’clock position. It was inlaid with

mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips. Through the door I

could hear shouting.

Tools for Revising 2

Consider your audience

We use different words and phrases for different settings.

What does it mean to be appropriate?

Technical Writing

Job applications

Tailor your experience to each job description

Process Reports

Include what has an effect on the outcome

Make every statement NEW information

Characterization in Profile Essays

States of mind: mood, emotions, personality Physical expressions show readers

e.g., fast heartbeat, twitchy smile, bright eyes Speech mannerisms

Quality of dress: neat, frumpy, expensive, cheap . . . Can show class, gender, etc.

Tools for Revising 3

Engage your best writing tools: a thesaurus and a dictionary!

1) Find an alternate related to your first word.

2) Look up the meaning of the alternate to see if it really fits.

3) If it doesn’t fit, rinse and repeat!

Take Time to Brainstorm!

Visualize Feel your own emotions

Giving physical sensations “shows” readers instead of just “telling” readers

Consider several words for the same topic

Recall your own experiences

Questions to ask while drafting

What did it look like? Where was it in relation to other things? What did you smell? Hear? Taste? How did you feel at the time? Afterward?

Physical sensations Emotional sensation

Drafting

Draft and put aside for a while

Revise for importance to audience, relevance to topic, andorder or sequence for organization

Review: Effective Descriptions

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs, and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them to know

Bibliography

Adams, Douglas and Mark Carwardine. Last Chance to See. New York: Ballantine, 1990.

Littlefield, Jamie. “25 Powerful Verbs for Your Résumé.” About.com. 2009. The New York Times Co. 26 Jan. 2009. http://distancelearn.about.com/od/usingyourdegree/a/15verbs.htm

Lunsford, Andrea. “20 Most Common Errors.” EasyWriter Resources. n.d. Bedford/St. Martin’s. 12 April 2011. http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/easywriter3e/20errors/19.asp

Meyers, Alan. Writing with Confidence: Writing Effective Sentences and Paragraphs 6th Edition. New York: Longman, 2000.

Smith, Alexander McCall. Morality for Beautiful Girls. New York: Anchor, 2002.

Thackston, Karen. “Copywriting and Your Five Senses.” About.com. 2006. The New York Times Co. 20 Oct. 2006 http://advertising.about.com/od/copywriting/a/fivesenses.htm

Descriptive Writing

Vivid Verbs and Sensuous Sentences