Dengie and District

NEWSLETTER SPRING 2020Welcome to our spring newsletter.

2020 seemed to start on a very positive note. We had ended 2019 with a Christmas party attended by over 90 members, our monthly meetings were also very well attended, with good speakers selected by Brian Tollisen, and membership had been slowly increasing. Interest Groups were thriving and our link with the cluster group was opening up new avenues for our members. Then coronavirus arrived, then the lock down and it looked as though we would go into hibernation for several months. But this does not have to be the case.

Your committee met for its April meeting and all members were in attendance. The meeting covered a full agenda and we looked at the accounts for the year, the Charity Commission Trustees form, and naturally there was a lot of good natured banter. This was all possible because the meeting was conducted as a Zoom Video conference and everybody was in their own home. We spent quite a lot of time discussing how groups could continue in some form at this time. Art, Photography and Exploring History are looking at ideas for activities and we hope other groups willendeavour to maintain contact and develop the group with their members, including the use of Zoom, WhatsApp, FaceBook, email and phone etc.

We have had a very positive response from members renewing their membership fee (just under 100 so far). If you have not yet renewed your membership, we urge you to do it so that we can keep in contact with you and also so that you are insured under the U3A insurance scheme. If possible, please renew by bank transfer or, alternatively, confirm you will pay the full membership once we recommence our monthly meetings. The fact that this year will be shortened as far as normal U3A activity is concerned, will be a major consideration when deciding next year's membership fee.

Maintaining contact with family and friends at this time is very important. This is a difficult period for all of us in this lockdown situation and some of us will be in the 'shielded for 12 weeks' group. There are many sources of help available but if you cannot find what you need please let us know and we may be able to help you to findthe assistance you need. Stay well – stay safe

David

GENERAL MEETINGS

General Meetings are held at 2 PM on the 2nd Monday of every month, in the Gold-ings Room at The Jacks Centre, Burnham Road, Latchingdon, CM3 6EXThe annual subscription (payable each April) is £20. If a member joins after August, the membership will be £14; after December, £7.

SPEAKERS AT UPCOMING GENERAL MEETINGSSadly, due to the coronavirus pandemic and following government advice, we have had to suspend general meetings and cancel all speakers, until further notice. Jacks has also suspended operations. As soon as it is safe to continue, we will let you know.

Recently we have had talks by Roger Dorking ‘Tales of a Smithy’; Brian Carline ‘Tripe and Trotters’ and Charlie Haylock ‘All about Surnames’.

Brian Tollisen, our speakers’ secretary, works from a list of speakers compiled by theEssex Federation of U3As, but is always interested to hear from any member who is able to recommend a speaker or even better, willing to give a talk to us.

GROUPS

Exploring History Group

You may possibly recall that I was prevented from submitting a contribution for the Winter Newsletter as a result of suffering a problem with my right leg, which necessi-tated several trips to Broomfield Hospital around the turn of the year. Hence this summary of the Group’s activities covers the last six months, not just three. I am gladto advise that I am now in good health – touch wood! – but I await a procedure to myright hip once elective surgery is resumed.We were blessed with a wonderfully, sunny and warm day for our visit on Halloween to Chatham Naval Dockyard, which is packed with a variety of historic interest. Mostmembers travelled on the coach with Burnham U3A, a small number preferring to go by car. It is interesting to note that the addition of Burnham passengers alone made the coach hire possible since, without them, the number of D & D passengers provedinsufficient to make coach travel viable. Further collaboration with Burnham U3A has already been agreed. Depending upon how long the current crisis lasts, it will hopefully yet be possible to have another joint coach excursion with Burnham U3A before this year is out.Our final trip in 2019 was to the Kelvedon Hatch Secret Nuclear Bunker, which we first visited as a Group in September 2014. This site provides a chilling reminder of the nuclear threat during the period of the Cold War, housing fascinating exhibits which demonstrate the preparations which were made to keep this country going in the aftermath of a nuclear attack.In January we held a ‘home grown’ meeting at Steeple Village Hall when there was aparticularly lively discussion about possible outings in the year ahead. Our member Jean Farrow gave an entertaining ‘History of a House’ – how she and Stan turned a TB hospital into a family home.

Our last meeting in February consisted of a presentation about Henry the Eighth by ‘Good King Hal’ himself (aka Mike Farley), a professional actor and comedian. This attracted a record attendance for a Group activity, over 50 members. I cannot personally comment on Hal’s performance – Ann and I were away on holiday – but I gather from the reports which I have received that Mike put on an excellent show.Our visit to Danbury Parish Church on 25 March sadly had to be cancelled owing to the current crisis with its accompanying lockdown. The present time is most frustrat-ing, since I have a great list of attractions for which visits can be planned, and I just hope that we can all embark on our 2020 programme of visits before the coming summer is past.

Scrabble Group

Our Group has sadly shrunk from 5 regular members to 4, but 3 other U3A membershave expressed an interest in joining soon. That said, for the moment I have decidedto cease meeting for games as we're all in that "risky" age group, though maybe the fact that I lost 2 games at our last meeting made me sulk enough not to want to play ever again if I'm not going to be able to keep up with the standard?? Just kidding of course - the fact is that we have good, friendly games and a nice chat - and although we started with a mix of ability, people soon pick up the niceties of the game and the standard gets better. We can all play a challenging game now and we've all become firm friends.

It's not known when we can start again; clearly it will be some months. The "Refresh-ment" kitty has built up despite the biscuits etc. that we have been consuming, so I propose that to celebrate resumption of play when we start again, I make a little lunch for the Group after the game, the next time we meet, whenever that may be.I suggest groups keep in touch with each other and with their leaders; we can be sociable by email and phone!Best wishes to all,Chris Martin

Walking Group 2

Last year I was asked, with help from Elaine, to form a second walking group as the first one had proved to be so popular and was over- subscribed. Elaine helps me check out the routes and, most importantly, carries a first aid kit! It all started well in November with a walk around Wickham Bishops and Little Braxted. The route was reasonably dry, the weather was kind and we did not get lost! Then it all went down hill.

December was out as Christmas Eve was not a viable day. In January I was away until just before the date of the walk so in the few days available at the beginning of the month Elaine and I tried out two routes. Both were a disaster and impassable in the wet weather, so January was cancelled. In early February we tried out the 4.5 mile Steeple walk. The first part was very muddy but we thought by the end of the month it would be fine. But no, it rained and rained. So again we cancelled.

Not to be deterred, we arranged the Steeple walk again for March, until Covid-19 puta stop to it. So here is what we would have enjoyed.

We all met in the car park at the Star Inn and proceeded across the road to turn down the footpath alongside the old Sun & Anchor public house. The path started through a wooded area, muddy but passable, and then out across open fields. A stream was crossed via a kissing gate and then a bridge. The route sloped slightly upwards, passing a stile that is no longer there, and traversing a lot more mud - but just about passable. A second stile that is no longer there has been replaced by a bar that has to be stepped over - not so easy for arthritic limbs. We then reached the sea wall and it was all worth it. The weather was bright and sunny giving wonderful views over the Blackwater Estuary and across to Osea Island.

We continued on past Steeple Bay Holiday Park and then Southwards alongside Mayland Creek. When we reached a dilapidated stile (that is no longer there) which is where the footpath crossed St Peter’s Way, we turned left towards Steeple, finally coming out onto Canney Road through the main gates of Hall Farm. It was then a short walk back to The Star Inn where we all enjoyed a hearty meal - but of course we weren’t there!

Since our inaugural, and only, walk back in November several more members have joined the group. I look forward to meeting you all when eventually we are able to getgoing again.

Scrapbooking Group

As a result of coronavirus restrictions, the scrapbooking group has moved on line and we are still managing to keep busy. There are currently four members who are staying busy and producing some lovely layouts. We are taking it in turns to suggesta theme and then we post our creations on a newly formed Facebook group and on WhatsApp. If anyone would like to join us you will be made very welcome. Take careeveryone and keep safe.

Art Group

At our meeting in February one of the group ran a workshop on how to draw faces. Itinvolved a lot of measuring and line making to help get the features in the right place and in proportion. We hadn't expected this! Once this was done we were able to add the features. Everyone enjoyed the afternoon and by the end of the session we all had reasonable portraits.I have been in contact with my art group and hope that they will continue to paint anddraw while we are all in self isolation. I will be making a point of painting on the first Wednesday of the month between 1-3 PM and hope that they will join in so that we are together enjoying our work in spirit. Please feel free to join us in this even if you aren't in the art group. Once we can all get together again I hope to put together a small exhibition of what we have done. Stay safe and well. Sue

Photography Group

For our January meeting we met in Steeple Village hall to discuss and agree the programme for the year. We also critiqued the pictures from the latest project on “Patterns and Textures”.In February we spent time looking at some basic photo editing using the concepts of “levels” and “curves” to adjust lighting and contrast in our images. The demonstrationused Adobe Photoshop but most photo editing packages have similar features. We also reviewed our images from this months project “Close Up” . Some of these im-ages can be viewed below, and more will be on the website.In March we had an outing to Chigborough lakes and, despite the rather dreary and cold weather, we managed to grab some decent images, some of which can be seenbelow. We also enjoyed coffee and, for some, a late breakfast at the very friendly Chigborough Barn Cafe.The photography group normally meets on the second Friday of each month at 10.00AM, either at Steeple Village Hall or at a local location for a photoshoot. However, given the current restrictions due to the Corona Virus epidemic, the April and May meetings have been cancelled, and the situation will be reviewed at the end of May. We do have a couple of ongoing projects, “Monochrome” and “Spring” and I am hop-ing that we will continue posting images on our online platform, even if we are re-stricted to photos taken in our gardens!

FOODIES 2

As so many people have been unable to attend foodies 2 since Christmas, we decided to go ahead with just four people; our theme was vegetarian. The dishes were leek and potato soup, veg stir fry with nuts, accompanied by mushroom and rice balls. For desert we had strawberry, grape and banana pavlova. Although short on numbers, a good time was had by all.Let’s hope that when this pandemic is over and when everything returns to normal we can get back to good food, good company and fun times.

TIME FOR A CHALLENGE OR A CHANCE TO REKINDLE AN OLD INTEREST?

For many of us, these are difficult days being stuck at home for goodness knows how long. Possibly one way to pass the time could be by undertaking a MOOC (massive open online course). These are free short 3/5 week on line courses from UK universities and cover a very wide range of subjects, usually requiring 3/5 hours study per week, no course work, no exams, just a voluntary quiz at the end of each week. Full details can be found at Future Learn.

INTEREST GROUPS (MEETING ONCE A MONTH)

Art - Bring materials to learn and paint together1st Wednesday, 1-3 PM

Friendship – To include days and evenings out together

Book Groups 1 & 2 – Enjoy lively discussion about the book we have all read2nd Tuesday, 10.30-12.30

Exploring History – Discover the history of our area3rd Thursday, 10.30/11.00 AM start

Computing – Share ways of using applications/solving problems 4th Monday, 2-4 PM

Lunch Club - Lunch out at local venues 4th Thursday, 12.30 PM start

Cycling - Cycle the local area with friends 3rd Tuesday, 1.30 start

Music Appreciation – Share your musical interests with friends4th Wednesday,10.30-12.30

Philately - Enjoy with other enthusiasts various aspects of collecting and studyingstamps. 3rd Monday 10-30 -12-30

Photography – Share advice and guidance for this rewarding hobby 2nd Friday, 10-12

Strollers – Enjoy a walk of 1-2 miles with friends followed by refreshments 4th Friday 11 AM start

Scrabble – Enjoy this much loved word game in friendly competition.3rd Wednesday 10 AM

Family History - Discover your roots2nd Wednesday, 2-4 PM

Walking - Enjoy walking around 5 miles in our beautiful countryside

Foodies 1 & 2 – Enjoy cooking and eating with friends(1) 3rd Wednesday (2) 2nd Tuesday

Scrapbooking – Enjoy this rewarding hobby with friends To be arranged

Wine Appreciation – Learn about and enjoy wine4th Friday, 4-6 PM

Bowls – Compete for the team at JacksTo be arranged

Quizzing – If you are interested in becoming part of a quiz team

POET’S CORNER

You may remember that, around Christmastide, I took an extended break in the Caribbean –with its silver sands; palm tree fronds; clear blue seas; beautiful, smiling faces; tots of rich, deeply mysterious rum, accompanied by an occasional pull on a Havana cigar; and its extraordinarily diverse musical sounds – including, of course, reggae, salsa, and calypso. The calypso music which I heard set me thinking about ‘Gossip Calypso’.

Do you remember Bernard Cribbins and his ‘Gossip Calypso’? In 1962, Bernard Cribbins released three comic songs which became hit singles –first “The Hole in The Ground”, then “Right Said Fred.” Both these reached the top ten in the UK Singles Chart. The third and final Cribbins single of the year was ‘Gossip Calypso’ which was another top 30 hit.

Inspired by my love of Latin American Music, I have revisited the lyrics of ‘GossipCalypso’, and I have composed two verses, which are set out for your enjoymentbelow, accompanied by two of the original ones. One of mine is a dead giveawaybut, without resorting to Google, can you remember which two of the remaining threecome from the original version?

GOSSIP CALYPSO

Gossip calypso, gossip calypso

Hear all about it, “yak a yak-yak.”

Every woman up at the window

Giving out the gossip and getting it back:

Oh, Mrs. Brown, well how are you now.

I tell you, I've had a shocking time with Ern and his stomach.

Don’t talk to me, my Charlie has gone and fallen down the stairs again.

Saints preserve us! Poor old chap, did he hurt himself?

Well, not as much as Alf--that's my cousin, Fred's boy

I learned from Fred (that) the doctor said he'll have to have his kneecap scraped.

Cor Blimey!

Gossip calypso, gossip calypso

Hear all about it, “yak a yak-yak.”

Every woman up at the window

Giving out the gossip and getting it back:

Oh, Mrs Cruise, have you heard the news,

That new neighbour of ours, her with the wrinkled stockings,

Well, she’s sporting a shiner of a black eye, don’t you know?

Go on, go on – do tell me!

And a fat, bloody hooter. I learned from our Shelagh

She’s saying she took fright at a Tarantula of a spider,

Fell heavily, shook herself up something awful.

But we reckon her hubby gave her a right fourpenny one

Cor blimey!

Gossip calypso, gossip calypso

Hear all about it, “yak a yak-yak.”

Every woman up at the window

Giving out the gossip and getting it back:

Oh Mrs Jones, you’re awesome in your face mask!

I tell you, this social distancing is so bloody hard.

Must be impossible for Mrs What’s Her Name, you know,

Her round the corner who’s got one on the side.

You mean, the blonde who rides the scooter, with a hubby on nights.

Aye, that’s the one, well her fella calls round most evenings

I can’t see them staying two metres apart, LOL!.

Cor blimey!

Gossip calypso, gossip calypso

Hear all about it, “yak a yak-yak.”

Every woman up at the window

Giving out the gossip and getting it back:

Oh, Mrs. Ware, I do like your hair! Who does it?

I go to Madame Pom Pom round by the gasworks.

With all that fruit, it looks so cute, I can't believe it

It's really you, like a film star.

Have you heard, dear, a little bird has told me

Mrs. Tate's expecting her seventh.

Well, glory be, that's three she has had since Lenny had his tonsils out.

Cor blimey!

Gossip calypso, gossip calypso

Hear all about it, “yak a yak-yak.”

Every woman up at the window

Giving out the gossip and getting it back:

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

YET ANOTHER LIMERICK!

A hoarding entrepreneur for some while

Has made the most of each chance to stockpile.

He’s cleared from many a supermarket shelf

Bare necessities of life, which now give him vast wealth.

Since rivalling Amazon he cynically sells as De Nile!

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

SATIRE NOT YET DEAD 111

Since the threat of Covid-19 became apparent, many topical and humorous photos and video sketches have been placed on social media websites and then been givena wide circulation.

With apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan and grateful thanks to Peter Benedict and You Tube, I reproduce below a clever, amusing parody of ‘I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General (‘Pirates Of Penzance’). How I wish that I’d written it myself!

I am the very model of a covert isolationist.

I’ve taken all precautions though it’s possible a few I’ve missed.

It hasn’t been so crucial since I had a spell of chicken pox.

I’ve boarded up the front door, and I’ve Superglued the letterbox.

I’ve screwed in all the windows after sealing up the chimney flue.

I’ve stuck a cork inside the overflow that serves the upper loo.

I have to be explicit, and you know I’m not a wussy chap.

But if you want to visit, you will have to use the pussy flap!

The air conditioning is creaky so instead I’ve had to plump

To get my only ventilation from a leaky stirrup pump.

But each of these precautions and a couple that I may have missed

Just illustrate the model of a covert isolationist.

And now my life has purpose, you could even say it’s on a roll,

There isn’t any surface that I haven’t fully sprayed in alcohol.

I sanitize the kitchen sink and Brillo all the metal pipes.

There isn’t any handle that escapes a rub of Dettol wipes

It really is essential that we disinfect all pottery

From dinner plates and cruet sets to garden terracottery,

And even on the mantelpiece don’t leave that bit of Meissen out!

And when you’ve finished all of that, be sure to get the Dyson out!

I wash my hands so frequently I may be running out of soap

And cleanliness is godly, I’ll be applying for the job of Pope.

But each of these precautions and a couple I may have missed

Just illustrate the model of a covert isolationist.

You’d think we’ve been invaded by malicious homicidal elves,

For imbeciles are stripping pharmacy and supermarket shelves.

I’ve been to every Waitrose but you know that you are bound to fail

If searching for a clementine or just a bag of curly kale.

And in the farmer’s market all the produce from the farm is an

Inadequate, inferior, and cheap substitute for parmesan.

These idiots have grabbed so much they leave their veg and fruit to rot

I think I’ll go and get a gun, and then I’ll go and shoot the lot!

But society is not finished, and I say not in a skittish way,

We’ve got to pull together because it really is the British way.

So follow my precautions and a couple you may have missed

And you could be the model of a covert isolationist!

-0-0-0-0-0-

Stay safe, take care, keep smiling - and laughing – we’ll all pull through this crisis together with humour.

All the jest,

Arthur Poet