+Dating Behavior+

You Are the Parent• Your daughter comes home from a date and is

upset. When you ask her what is wrong, she explains that her date took her to a party where he got drunk. She was very frightened as he drove her home. How would that make you, as a parent, feel?

• Your son comes home from a date and confides in you that his date seduced him. How would you feel? What would you do?

• It’s 11:45 pm. Your daughter runs in the door crying. After you calm her down, she tells you that her date raped her. How would you feel? What would you do?

Your Rules

• Create a list of dating rules for yourself– What expectations do you have?– Beliefs?– What’s a “deal-breaker”

If You Were the Parent…

• Assume that you are the parent.• What rules would you have for your

teenager?• What would keep them safe?

• How do they compare to the list you made for yourself?

Stages of DatingStage One: Gushy

• Typical– “We have so many things in common.”

• Characteristics– Artificial – both on best behavior– Same likes: music, cars, people, food– Everything is funny– Lots of talking to each other on the phone.

• Problems– Whether to express affection or not. – How to say goodnight.– Prefer group association to being alone.

Stages of DatingStage Two: Playing Games

• Typical– Have hearts crossed out all over their notebooks.– Have swollen eyes from crying on the average of

three times a day.

• Characteristics– Very possessive and jealous– Comes late for dates or not ready.– Personality traits valued more than just an

interest in the opposite sex.– A time of extremes: tears, happiness– Power struggle – where to eat, what show to go

see.

Stages of DatingStage Three: Goal-Directed

• Characteristics– They are glad to see each other do things with

other friends.– They trust one another.– They want each other to be happy.– They are interested in seeing each other fulfill

goals.– They are more interested in each other’s long-

term happiness than in their own short-term pleasure.

– May be engaged or near engagement.– Begin to notice things in each other: picky

about food, stays up late, spend-thrift, etc.

Signals• Divide class into two groups, girls and guys.• As a group, decide on a response for each

question. “What do you think when he/she…”– flirts with you?– says “no” to a kiss when you are saying good-night.– is wearing sexy smelling perfume or after-shave?– is wearing sexy clothing.– uses fowl or off-color language.– uses suggestive body language.– says, “I love you.”– has a poor reputation, but asks you for a date.

How to Say No• Just say no.

– “I’d rather not.”

• Ignore the comment.– Appear not to hear, or

act too busy.

• Make an excuse.– “I’m tired.”

• Change the subject.– “Isn’t it time for dinner.”

• Turn the idea into a joke.– “How could you suggest

such a thing when you know I’m on a diet.”

• Act surprised.– “You’ve got to be

kidding!”

• Express your feelings for them.– “Sorry, but I like you to

much to do that.”

• Suggest a different plan.– “Let’s go to my house

and make a pizza.

• Return the challenge.– “If you really liked me,

you’d never ask me to do that.”

• Leave.