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Presenter: Carolyn L. Daitch, Ph.D.

28592 Orchard Lake Rd., #301 Farmington Hills, MI 48334 USA

www.CarolynDaitchphd.com • carolyn.daitch@me.com

Power Tools for Self-Regulation

OverviewThis webinar focuses on what affect regulation is, and how it affects our clients and their relationships.

It teaches quick and practical interventions designed to facilitate the development of self-regulation.

Learning Objectives: You will lean the STOP solution so you can teach clients daily stress reduction techniques and help them practice it.

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Wise Words from Viktor Frankl

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

What is the Experience of Affect Dysregulation?

• Internal experience of being overwhelmed with emotion and feeling out of control

• Includes emotional, cognitive, somatic and/or behavioral manifestations of affect dysregulation

(Daitch, 2007)

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Affect Dysregulation

Affect dysregulation is at the core of almost all psychological disorders:

• Personality disorders: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic

• PTSD

• Mood disorders: anxiety, depression

• ADHD

• Substance abuse

Vulnerability

• Childhood trauma

• Additional trauma in adulthood

• Temperament/genetics

• Stress

• Modeling

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Emotions

• Emotions, in and of themselves, are neither good nor bad

• Even intense emotions have a time and place in which their expression is adaptive (e.g., grief)

The Big Three

• Fear

• Anger

• Sadness

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The Problems Occur When:

• The intensity of the response does not “match”the life event

• When one lacks the ability to dampen the emotional intensity

• Response leads to the loss of jobs, friendships and romantic relationships

Getting Your Head Around the Brain

We are hardwired to react to many external stimuli with behavioral responses based on fear or anger.

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Key Components of Emotional Flooding

• Unable to “hear” and heed the forebrain’s  logic‐based emotions

• No tools to calm emotional flooding  

• Stuck riding the tide of emotional flooding

Emotional braingoes  rogue

Unable to “hear” and heed the forebrain’s logic‐based message

impulses

Unable to “put the breaks” on your emotions and impulses

No tools to calm emotional flooding

Stuck riding out the tidal wave of emotional flooding

The Daily Stress Inoculation

• The Daily Stress Inoculation -- a daily practice for relaxing and lowering baseline levels of emotional reactivity

• This practice increases the sense of calm throughout the day and decreases the likelihood of emotional flooding

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Five Steps of the Daily Stress Inoculation

• Focusing attention with the Eye Roll

• Releasing tension with Tight Fist

• Relaxing the nervous system with Focusing on the Breath

• Deepening relaxation with Safe Place

• Reinforcing effort and success with Closing

Affirmations

The STOP Solution

• Scan

• Time-out

• Overcome the Surge of Emotion

• Put the Tools into Practice

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STOP: SCAN

• Scan for thoughts, sensations, and emotions that are precursors to emotional flooding

• Reframe these cues as opportunities to practice self-regulation

STOP: Time-Out

•Take a Time-out when one is emotionally flooded in order to calm and center self

•Build a regimented habit of diffusing tension

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Selecting a Space for Time-Out

• Private, quiet place where you will not be disturbed

• If you are in a public place, you can always go to the restroom to have some time alone

STOP

• Do you have the patience to wait‘til your mind settles and the water is clear?

• Can you remain unmoving‘til the right action arises by itself?

Tao te Ching

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STOP: Overcoming the Initial Surge of Flooding

Induction techniques used to focus attention and calm:

• Eye Roll

• Tight Fist

• Breathing

• Safe Place

Sequence of Interventions

Must master the first three self-soothing skills STO… before learning the final part of the STOPSolution

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STOP: Putting the Tools into Practice

• Mindfulness With Detached Observation and Acceptance

• Okay Signal

• Dialing Down Reactivity

• Juxtaposition of Two Feelings

• Autogenics

• Positive Future-Focusing

• Ego-states or Parts of Self

Directions for Mindfulness

•Name the thoughts, feelings or sensations, e.g., “there’s the frustration”

•Take an attitude of curiosity about your experience, e.g., “as I observe how frustrated I am, I notice my jaw clenching”

•Remind yourself that thoughts, feelings or sensations come and go

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Fostering Acceptance

Look at the image of the suffering self with compassion

Okay Signal (Anchor)

• Establish an “anchor” with an Okay signal

• Signal that everything is fine or “Okay” in the moment

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Dialing Down Reactivity

Think of a stressor. . . notice what number the needle on the dial is registering. . . use the power of your imagination to dial the number down. . .

Juxtaposition of Two Thoughts or Feelings

• Recognize that contradictory, opposing thoughts or feelings can coexist.

• Learn to “hold” two opposing thoughts or feelings simultaneously, calling forth a counterpart to reduce the intensity of the opposing, negative thought or feeling you are experiencing.

• Allow the positive counterpart to reduce the intensity of the opposing, negative thought or feeling.

• Experience the merging of the contradictory experiences and thoughts.

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Autogenics

• A form of self-hypnosis

• Allows the conscious mind to connect to the unconscious control of the ANS

Positive Future-Focusing

Fast-forwarding in

your mind’s eye

to a time in the future

when the emotional

flooding has dissipated

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Ego-States or Parts of Self

• Interact from adult parts of self

Demonstration

• Demonstration of the tools  with a volunteer

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Applications to Relationships

• If you interact with people, challenges are a given

• But emotional flooding is not

Emotional Triggers in Relationships

Feeling:

– betrayed – controlled– criticized– judged/shamed– abandoned– lack of empathy – misunderstood

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Unchecked Emotional Flooding

When partners are unable to regulate affect, inability to resolve conflict with positive affect occurs

Unchecked Emotional Flooding

• Blocks ability to feel connection

• When the mid-brain (limbic centers) goes rogue, you are cut off from the experience of connection

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Attunement

• Attunement is fundamental in our experience of well-being in a relationship

• “At the heart of empathic relationships is the experience of sending a clear image of our mind into the mind of another.” (Siegel, D., 2007)

• “The partners experience emotional resonance, they are humming the same tune.” (Daitch & Lorberbaum, 2014)

You Need a Variety of Tools

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Remember to Teach Clients to:

• Take an immediate time-out to interrupt over reactivity

• Self-soothe to down-regulate the over-reactivity

• Contact wise parts of the self

• Rehearse and transfer skills learned in the therapy office to situations outside the office

Individualize for Each Client

Get their feedback, and then flow with the river.

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Take-Away Points• Everyone experiences an ever-changing,

constant flow of emotions

• The goal is to modulate the intensity of emotion, not eradicate it

• The ability to experience emotion enriches and enhances your experience of life. However, when your clients experience emotional flooding and have no tools to ease it, they suffer.

Q & A

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Resources

• Bader, Ellyn and Pearson, Peter T. (1988). In quest of the mythical mate: A developmental approach to diagnosis and treatment in couples therapy. New York, NY: Brunner-Routledge.

• Daitch, C. (2007). Affect regulation toolbox: Practical and effective hypnotic interventions for the over-reactive client. New York, NY: W.W. Norton.

• Daitch, C. (2011). Anxiety Disorders: The go-to guide for clients and therapists. New York, NY: W.W. Norton.

• Daitch, C. (2010). Dialing Down Distress: Affect Regulation in Intimate Relationships in Kerman, M. (Ed.) Clinical Pearls of Wisdom: 21 Leading Therapists Offer Their Key Insights.New York, NY: W.W. Norton.

• Daitch, C.. Hypnotherapeutic treatment for anxiety-related relational discord: A short-term hypnotherapeutic protocol. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis.

• Daitch, C. & Lorberbaum, L. (2012). Anxious in love: How to manage your anxiety, reduce conflict, and reconnect with your partner. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

Resources

• Hammond, D. Corydon (Ed.) (1990). Handbook of Hypnotic Suggestions and Metaphors. New York, NY: W.W. Norton.

• Gottman, John M. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail: and how you can make yours last. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

• Hendrix, H. (1988). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. New York, NY: Henry Holt & Co.

• Hunt, C., Issakidis, C., & Andrews, G. (2002). DSM-IV generalized anxiety disorder in the Australian National Survey of Mental Health and Well-Being. Psychological Medicine, 32,649–659.

• Jacobson, N. S. & Addis, M. E. (1993). Research on couples and couple therapy: What do we know? Where are we going? Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 61, 85-93.

• Kagan & Brim, O.G., (Eds.). (1980). Constancy and change in human development.Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

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Resources

• Kazantzis, N., & Lampropoulos, G. K. (2002). Reflecting on homework in psychotherapy: What can we conclude from research and experience? Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(5), 577-85.

• Kessler, R. C., Berglund, P., Demler, O., Jin, R., Merikangas, K.R., Walters, E. E. (2005). Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62 (6), 593-602. doi:10.1001/archpsyc.62.6.593.

• LeDoux, Joseph. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious

• Underpinnings of Emotional Life. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

• McLeod, J. D. (1994). Anxiety disorders and marital quality. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 103, 767–776.

• Napier, Augustus. (1990). The Fragile Bond: in Search of an Equal, intimate, and Enduring Marriage. New York, NY: Harper/Collins.

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