CUAA - In the Moment 2008-09

8/9/2019 CUAA - In the Moment 2008-09

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Haiku

The Moth and Me

Haiku

Truth in the Middle of a Room

U2 Was Our Favorite Band

Subtraction

Untitled

Untitled

Flow

Untitled

Fire and Ice (Cover art)

Steal Flight

Mechanical Silverware

Will Scarlett

RAwR

Dears Held

Theres Adventure Out There

Thinking

Sarah Bauerle

Sarah Bauerle

Sarah Bauerle

Sarah Bauerle

Ruth Boeder

Bryan Oxender

Megan Durrant

Sarah Spader

Rachel Budenholzer

Rachel Budenholzer

Rachel Budeholzer

Steven Schmit

Steven Schmit

Sarah Schimm

Katie Calkins

Aaron Phillips

Aaron Phillips

Aaron Phillips

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Momentary Thought

Rose 16

Field of Memories

Remember When

Curves

A Story in Three Voices

Like

Serenading the Frog

Sonnet IV, Childs Reasoning

Ode To A Crappy Day

Ode To That Boy

Bucklegash

Portrait in Music

Peril in Oz

Sonnet 2.1

Friends

On a Valentine

I Can Too

Aaron Phillips

Amy Zuccarell

Abi Werner

Abi Werner

Abi Werner

Ruth Boeder

Alicia Drier

Orin Koester

Orin Koester

Laura Rasmussen

Laura Rasmussen

Sarah Schimm

Sarah Schimm

Pamela Schwartz

Rick Schwartz

Chris Switzer

Chris Switzer

Kassie K. Wilson

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Seems like each new dayIs dierent from the last one.I suppose thats change

The Moth and MeSarah Bauerle

1.OnceOne nightWith nothing to doAnd nowhere I really needed to goI went down and satOn a benchIn the subway stationAt night

And a greasy grey orescent bulbWas the only light.

2.I sat on a benchAnd on the wallAbove my headGrati, in weary letters, proclaimedVarious half imagined truthsAnd called each other names.

3.And then I saw,On the wall,Flickering its feathery quills at me,There sat a mothAnd I looked at himAnd so, of course, he looked at meAnd so we sat thereAnd we stared at each otherAnd the night went by

And then the sunRose with a sigh.

4.The sun roseThe trac increasedThe subway trains came alive againEveryone rushing to and fro...

HaikuSarah Bauerle

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Everyone, that is, except meAnd the moth.We sat there stillLooking at each otherI looked at himAnd he looked at me

And we sat like thatIn the subway station

And above our heads

Rushed a busy nation.

5.The sun fadedThe crowds ceased.The subway stationEmptied mostly,Except for the mothAnd me.The trains still ran,Like ghosts trains they ran,Not realizing the people were gone.And the moth and I sat thereAnd all through the night

The neon signsWere our only light.

6.Ftrozen at midnight,I shivered, and woke,And wondered where I was.I looked up and saw the mothStill staring at me,At if hed seen thousands more like meAnd knew that one day, I,Like them,Would be gone.

And I was afraid of his eyes...Cold here, I ventured.Sos the world, he replied.

Bird-tracks on the snow.Breath freezes in the sharp air.3 below zero.

HaikuSarah Bauerle

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One day, eight men came to a house in which there were many wonders. As they were beingshown around, they came to a door with one word upon it: Truth.

Let us go inside, they said, for we all wish to know what this Truth may be.

So they opened the door and found themselves to be in a small room with no windows. In thecenter of the room, there was a large object, covered with a velvet cloth. Is this truth? some asked.If so, it is nothing special. No, said others, we must uncover it rst. So they uncovered it. Andbehold! underneath was a great crystal, in shape like a spire of amethyst, but taller than the menthemselves. And from it shone a great light that dazzled the eyes. And the men said, this is aworthy sight.

Now, the light from this crystal was whiter than the snow. But the men, like all those from theircountry, wore glasses, which they had worn for so long that they no longer knew how to takethem o, and had indeed forgotten about them. Now each mans glasses were dierent. Somewere round, some square, some oval, and all had dierent lenses put into them. The end result ofthis was that each mans view of the crystal was quite dierent from his companions.

And they asked themselves, what is this truth?

And the eldest among them said, I see this truth, and it is red. More red than the purest rose, morecrimson than the blood of a warrior. Truth is passion, and war, and sacrice.

No, said the next eldest, you cannot be right. I see this truth, and it is orange, like the sunset, orthe autumn leaves. Truth is in endings, and the graceful acceptance of death.

I dont know what youre talking about, said the third. Truth is yellow, like the sun in the noondaysky. Truth is happiness and joy.

You are close, said the forth, but truth is green. More green than the new leaves. To be alive is to

nd truth.

Life? said the fth. Yes, but not in leaves. Truth is blue, like the deepest ocean or the highest sky.Truth is found in exploring the universe, as far and as deep and as high as you can go.

I dont know about the ocean, said the sixth, but I think you must be right about the sky. Truth isindigo, like the midnight heavens. Truth is only found in going deeper and deeper within, untilyou understand.

You are all mistaken, said the seventh. Truth is violet. Purple as the robes of a king. Clearly to ndtruth is to know this king, and serve him.

The eighth man, who was the youngest among them, adjusted his glasses nervously, as if hewished to remove them, but did not know how.

I think there must be something wrong with the way were are seeing this truth, he said. It doesnot seem right that we should all see dierent things. What do you see? they asked. It is arainbow, he said, it is all of them together.

Truth in the Middle of a RoomInspired by a Renaissance and Reformation lecture by Neal Migan

Sarah Bauerle

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When they found they could not agree on what this truth was, they began to argue amongstthemselves. But with their glasses on, each could see no other view than his own, and becausethey had forgotten about the glasses, and could not take them o, they were each convinced thattheir view was the correct one.

They began to ght amongst each other, friend turning again friend. At last, however, they fell

silent, one by one, and ceased ghting, until they were all standing around the crystal again. Butthey were ashamed, and did not look at it.

And they said, let us go from this place, for it is plain to see that this truth can be of no use to us,seeing as we cannot agree on which view is right. So they went.

And Truth continued to shine in the darkness of the room, as pure and as white as it had alwaysbeen, but there was no one there to see it.

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As we grow older, we encounter the world. And it beats against us, we get hurt, we stagger,we fall. When we learn to take it, to adjust our stride to bumps, to bear up under it, we becomeadults. Boys, girls, and teens are tired, and look tired, because they are just starting, but withadulthood comes new vigor, and the two qualitiesmaturity and strengthbecome interdependent.One feeds the other.~ One of Ryan Graysons reading response papers for PSY312.

She wanted to catch up, too, so we agreed to meet on Saturday and get coee. Annie works inthis new coee shop downtown, its in a strip they made out of the old Ace Hardware.

We used to go to the Ace every November, the weekend after Thanksgiving, to buy new sleds.

Ok. Say about 10?

Make it 11. I still sleep really late. Once, she slept till four. I kept calling and calling, but no onepicked up at her house; I thought shed gone to the hospital or something. She called me laterand explainedher parents had gone antiquing, and she turned o the alarm and didnt get up.

Sure. Ill see you then!

Yep. Bye!

Bye..

I was ten minutes early on Saturday, so I waited for her at one of the little iron tables outside.There were speakers under the eaves, piping in some Enya or Bjork or something. Not myfavorites. I waited, conscious of my impatience with Sara. I tried to distract myself with thesquirrels and birds in the parking lot, trac on the road, cars pulling into the gas station acrossthe street. I was more successful with a dog in the neighboring yard, who was trying to snatch

a chew toy that was just beyond the reach of his chain. Soon he gave up, and got another frominside his doghouse. I looked at my watch11:03. She wasnt that late yet. I decided to get somecoee.

Saras little sister, Annie, was at the counter. Hi!

Hi! Im glad its you in here, I didnt want the owner to think I was just sorta bumming around outthere.

No, Sara told me she was meeting you today. She just called me and said to tell you sheoverslept, and to ask if youd come over and bring her some coee. I sighed. Sara hadnt changed.What can I get you?

Nothing, Ill just take Saras over.

She said she wants whatever youre having.

Oh. Another Sara-ismshe almost always copied someone elses order. That sounds so good!shed say.

U2 Was Our Favorite BandRuth Boeder

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Vanilla lattes, then, please?

Sure.

We used to get those all the time in high school. There was a dierent coee shop in town then,and it was two blocks away from the school. We got them to go and drank them while we walked

home.

I rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Tribanchi came to the open screendoor.

Ryan! Its good to see you! She opened the door and hugged me. She still smelledthe same way she always had: a faint, amber whisper. Shed used the same perfume for the last 20years. Once we went to the mall with Saras dad to buy Mothers Day presents, and they got herthat perfume.

Its good to see you, too.

Its always really good to come back home for a little bit. Its very rejuvenating, I think.Have you graduated now?

I just have my internship left. Im already looking at grad schools.

Thats gotta be exciting!

Yeah, it is. I havent started really making any plans yet. Sorta waiting to see how my internship

goes. Id discussed this topic too much with my parents in the previous weeks of this summer towant to dwell on it. Is Sara here yet?

Shes still upstairs, I think. She may be in the kitchen, too.

We walked down the hall. Once we were nger-painting in the kitchen and decided tomake a mural on the wall. Mrs. Tribanchi was furious. I thought she was going to spank both of usthat day. My mom was ready to kill me when she heard about it, too.

Sara was in the kitchen, in her blue robe. She jumped o her chair and hugged me,

tighter than her mother had. Ryan! Ive missed you so much!

She let me go, and I looked at her. She didnt look older, but her hair was in a towel.She already had her contacts in. It made her eyes look dierent. She used to always put hercontacts in last thing before she left the house, usually just after I stopped by to meet her to walkto school, and I never anticipated how drastically the action changed her appearance. I missedseeing the glasses.

Whatd you get for us to drink? She smelled the cup I handed her. Vanilla latte,excellent choice. Sit down. Are you hungry? Im just having toast, but we can nd you something

else.

No, I already ate, but thanks. I glanced around the kitchenthere were new curtains,blue ones, but nothing else was dierentand couldnt help looking at her again. It was reallystrange to see her obviously not dressed but without her glasses. She seemed incomplete.

Im sorry I didnt get to the coee shop on time. Im still no good at getting out of bed.It makes morning classes hard.

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I blinked quickly. An apologetic Sara, aware of her failings, was not something I thought existed.Oh, it wasnt a big deal.

It was a big problem last year. My roommate had to sit me down one night and justtell me. It was terrible. But we were much closer after that. She paused and sipped her coee.

What about you? How have your roommates been?

..

She rolled her desk chair into the hall so we could talk while she nished her makeupin the bathroom. She had started up the stairs before I could ask to wait for her downstairs, so Ifollowed. I focused on the family pictures lining the walls instead of her activities.

What did you think of the coee shop? Thank God its not a Starbucks, right? Werealmost getting big enough for one now.

Yeah, I saw that new subdivision theyre putting in out on Miller Rd. The coee shoplooks nice. I wasnt a big fan of the music. Annie had had glasses, too, at some point, but thenthey disappeared in the next snapshot.

Thats actually Annies choice; they let the workers burn a CD for their shifts, so long asthe manager hears it rst. Shes really into gotten into electronic or techno or something like thatrecently.

Strange.

Yeah. She zipped up her bag and tossed it in my lap. Lets see if I can push you backto my room.

No, dont try. I jumped up and the bag fell to the oor. We both reached for it. Imsure Im too heavy. Let me get that.

Just put it in the chair. She proceeded down the hall, walking regally. I followed.What do you want to do today?

I dont know. I wondered what else we could do. We werent really friends anymore.

I didnt know what she liked to do. Wed caught up downstairs, and I hadnt expected to stay afterthat. I should probably be leaving soon, anyway. I told Mom Id show her some stu about gradschool.

I still cant believe youre doing that. You never liked classes or anything like that. Youwerent a nerd. She pushed the chair into the room but stayed in the hall with me.

Im still not. I just like psychology. And you pretty much have to go to grad school forthat, anyway, if you want to get a job.

Yeah, I suppose. I hope you pick State so youll be closer. Its only a couple hours away,right?

Yeah. Well see. Its a good school.

Yeah. Well, I wont keep you. She started down the stairs and I followed. Call me againsometime, or Ill call you. Youll be around next week, right?

Till the twenty-rst. Tell your mom it was good seeing her again.

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I will. Bye for now. Another hug, but not hard, not enthusiastic, this time.

Bye.

She pushed to door shut behind me, giving it the little extra shove it always needed to

get over the strip of rubber on the edge of the frame.

I started my car and drove o.

..

I knew we werent really friends anymore, not like we used to be. I knew that before I went there.We used to rollerblade and play soccer and try to win radio contests and rent movies. But shedidnt wear makeup on Saturdays then, and kept her contacts out as long as she could.

I didnt know if I wanted to try to be friends with her again.

Not all the change was bad, but her changeshe seemed more like other girls now,and less like Sara.

But she apologized for being late.

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SubtractionBrian Oxender


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UntitledMegan Durrant


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UntitledSarah Spader


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FlowRachel Budenholzer


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UntitledRachel Budenholzer


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Fire and IceRachel Budenholzer


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Steal FlightSteven Schmit


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Mechanical SilverwareSteven Schmit


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Will ScarletSarah Schimm


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RAwRKatie Calkins


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Dears HeldAaron Phillips


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Theres Adventure Out ThereAaron Phillips


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ThinkingAaron Phillips


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Momentary ThoughtAaron Phillips


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Rose 16Amy Zuccarell


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Field of MemoriesAbi Werner


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Remember WhenAbi Werner


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CurvesAbi Werner


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Housecleaning

Julia glanced around her formal living room and grimaced. The room really has gottenbad. I shouldnt have left it so long, she thought to herself. She picked up a rag from the pile onthe oor, and sprayed the contents of a can on it. Might as well start with the bookcases, shedecided.

She turned quickly at a sudden creak. Her four-year-old daughter walked through thedoorway, valiantly lugging a case of dolls half her height. She smiled. Come in and play, Caseyshe invited, But when Mommy has to vacuum, youll have to stop. She smiled at her mother andestablished herself by the sofa.

Julia quickly dusted her bookcases, since it was her least-favorite task, and went to themantel. She dusted the clock, a wedding present from her husbands mother, and the gurinesthat had been received from her estate when she died, and continued to the large jar in themiddle that contained her ashes. She felt disrespectful every time she did this. She oftenwondered if she would feel the same way about mowing the grass over her mother-in-lawsgrave. She didnt use this room much, anyway, but in the last year, since the ashes had beenplaced there, she had begun to feel bad about even going into itand so there was a visiblelayer of dust over everything. It felt sacrilegious to be in there. But her husband was the only childin his family still alive, and so of course the ashes were left to him. He said he didnt want to putthem in a big crematorium, not yet. Maybe in a little bit. In the meanwhile, she consoled herself,at least the urn isnt covered in hideous owers. Whoever picked this out, they had decent taste.

She woke out of her musings, realizing that she was staring at the urn. She turned around,feeling Caseys eyes on her, and smiled. Mommy has to start vacuuming now. Can you pick upyour dollies, please? She sighed, but obeyed. Julia helped her pick up her dolls and their clothesand Casey carried them out of the room. She followed her daughter out and got her vacuum fromthe hall closet.

The Blue Room

I saw Mommy going down the hall with a bucket, and I wanted to follow her, so Igot my Chrissy doll and my Johnny doll and some of their clothes and their suitcase and went

down the hall, too. The door to the blue room was open. Thats where Mommy and Daddy had aChristmas party. We dont go in there, though. I play in the den with the soft, brown oor by thekitchen, where I can watch my movies. Elmo is my favorite.

Mommy was getting the dusting cloth ready. Ive helped her do that. Its fun. I like topush the button to make the cleaner come out. Mommy told me it was ok to play in the roomuntil she had to vacuum. Thats how you get rugs and carpets clean. Soft oors, not hard ones.Mommy uses a broom for those. The sun was shining on the oor by the sofa and it looked warm.I put down my dolls. I decided to dress Chrissy in pink.

Mommy was taking care of the things I cant touch. Theres a big vase with a lid on theshelf over the replace. We have two replaces, one in the room with brown carpet and one here,

in the living room, where the walls are blue. The jar scares me. Mommy says it has Grandma in it.Well, not really Grandma. She died last year. Shes in heaven now. But Mommy and Daddy told methat they burned Grandmas body, and the ashes are in the jar. I asked why we kept them, whenwe throw out the ashes from logs after we burn them. They said that Grandmas ashes are special.But I wish they werent in here. Its weird. Jenny doesnt have her Grandmas ashes in her house.Claire doesnt either.

Chrissy and Johnny are going to go eat together, so Johnny has to put on otherclothes, too. I started changing him. Mommy wasnt moving anymore, shes looking at the scaryvase. I looked at it too. Its brown, and when you get close, theres gold at the top of the curves

A Story in Three VoicesRuth Boeder

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and the edge of the lid. Then Mommy said I have to go away so she can vacuum. It made me sad. Iliked being there because it was very warm in the sun. Mommy helped me pick up my dolls. I putthem in my room and then I went downstairs.

Confessions of an Urn

Its lonely in this room. The family that owns the house doesnt come in here much.There was the Christmas party. And the woman comes in and cleans often. But the child doesntrun or scream or play in here, like she does in the hallway and the other rooms. Sometimes I canhear her making up stories to herself.

I wonder if they dont come in here because of me, or because of whats inside me.Today is a cleaning day, and early in the afternoon the woman came in. She got her

dust cloth ready, and was about to start on the bookshelves, like she always does, when the childcame in the door with a square, pink case. The woman told her daughter she could play till shehad to vacuum, and the daughter went to a sunny spot and picked up a doll. Casey. So thats thegirls name. I couldnt hear it before when they talked in the rest of the house. Funny, that wasthe name of a man in the shop where I was sold. The old woman who picked me out talked tohim about her husbands death, and she said she needed a jar for her own remains that wouldmatch her sons houses dcor. Knowing him, hell probably feel that he has to keep me arounda bit, shed explained, and I dont want his wife to have to look at big pink roses for a year. Or two,even. Id thought it was quite considerate of her to take her daughter-in-laws taste intoconsideration, since she was the one that had to be in me. She looked inside me too; she musthave been satised with what she saw. I hope so.

The woman has worked her way to the gurines on my left, so it will be my turn next.She always touches me too gently, barely wiping my surface, but the dust is gone. Thank God, Ican breathe again. Now she wipes the mantel beneath and around me, and replaces me in myspot. Today, she seems lost in thought, and doesnt move for a couple more minutes as she stared

at me. I hate being stared at, but its hard to avoid. Its a natural reaction when people are toldwhats in the jar on the mantel or table or shelf. Humans usually push death to the edge of townand cage it up behind gates. Its disconcerting to be suddenly told that its less than six feet awayfrom them.

Eventually, the woman snaps out of it. She turns to Casey and tells her that she needsto vacuum, so shell have to leave. They both pick up the dolls and clothes, and they both leave.

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As I walk along a sidewalkBone white from snow defecationI think of similesLikeasDo they really know?Like ve minutes agoAre they trying to speak in similes?Twirl your hair like an unwound springCoca-cola pop your gumStare at me with doughnut glaze on your eyesAnd tell me your similesYour world is not realWhen everything is likeIts liketotallyI want to rip that four letter wordFrom your brain stemThen set it freeBack in the wildLike would falteringly yAway

Could you existWithout your pantomimeSimiles?

LikeAlicia Drier

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Once I walked in a fair summers wood--And when my feet had gone as far as they could,I pulled to a stop by an old rotten log,And serenaded my audience--a frog.

I sang for the birds, the ies, and the trees--I sang for the chiggers, I sang for the eas.I sang for that frog sitting right next to meUntil he spoke up and said Sir, leave me be!

Oh woe is me, oh woe is I!He said Just leave me be, or Ill spit in your eye!And I asked him why; Say why, my friend, why?

Because the night is warm, and fair is the breeze--youre scaring the birds, and youre waking the trees.Youre bringing the forest right down to her kneesWith your foul serenading, so stop if youd please.

There was a boy that wished that he could writea single line, and save the world her pain.So, long and oft, he stared into the night,

and at sunrise, he watched the grassy plain.He pondered while they planted all the grain,and as the stars danced cross the midnight sky--he gazed upon a slight and gentle rain,and watched both bird and beast as they passed by.He found his answer there, in full supply;and always bore a smile upon his face.He knew that, when in life things went awry,he could still attribute life to Gods Grace:

for is not burdened life much better thana non-existence with no breadth or span?

Serenading the FrogOrin Koester

Sonnet IV, Childs ReasoningOrin Koester

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I love the way that tree branches break up the blueDarting every which way and shattering the night skySuch a beautiful juxtapositionI had a crappy dayAnd yet I nd these fears brought to life comfortingEmbracing disappointmentEven the night sky cant stay intact

He is painfully independentPlacid, deep, and mysteriousI am entirely dependentTeeming, shallow, and exposedAnd I know there is no middle ground

There is no ground at all

Ode To A Crappy DayLaura Rasmussen

Ode To That BoyLaura Rasmussen

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A op that ubbed a glop that glubbedalong the gibberjarcan never shing the biggle pingby misty obazar.When morlings make the mimmit vizzand trompings blat the mazzby tobits gauze and slat the fauzethen tromp will gat the azzbut ints that gibe the buggywashand ick old karlems inkcan make the op and glop to jazzas all the sperklings sink.

Divine inspired!As if unable to be contained in you own limitlessness you spill out over it.Indeed beauty, as you are, complete and omnipotent may repeat itself to innity. Yet how subtlyyou sketched this self portrait that can reach both the little heaven and hell of mortality, can inone vibrating phrase redeem the speck of soul from the rubbish heap and make a violet from theretchings of despairto lift its cheek to the sun.

stumped

I am stumped! cried the man in the treewhen his leafy long stature was trimmedand his trunk was laid low to the ground

Im in pieces, my knees on a cartas my stomach rolls rumbling awayand my arms wound with twine all are bound

now my chins on the ground by a rockand my head that was once crowned with greenwears what human should chance to sit down

BucklegashSarah Schimm

Portrait in MusicSarah Schimm

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Mom, I pleaded, make him stop or shell run away!Were sitting together on the loveseat in Dads study, but were pressed into opposite corners, likeboxers in the ring. Shes sitting like a lady with her feet on the oor; my feet are on the loveseat.Im hugging my knees and Im as small as I can possibly be. My heart feels like a black hole and Imbeing sucked into myself. Pretty soon Ill turn inside out and disappear. Across the room from us,Dads desk faces the bay window. Our house is perched on a hill and I imagine that he feels likehes on a throne when he sits there overlooking the neighbors. One wall of the study is coveredwith bookshelves, and the loveseat were sitting on is next to the door. The study is across the hallfrom my little sisters bedroom and as we sit we listen to the sickening sound of the lashing goingon and on and on. How can Mom just sit there? Why doesnt she stop him? She just looks at me,silent. She is sorrow covered with skin. She knows Im right and she knows better than I do how itwill be. Only four months ago she experienced the heartbreak and terror of a child running awayfrom home. Me. I had been gone for four weeks, and only risked returning home because I wassick.When I was halfway through the 7th grade we began a series of three moves between threestates in three years. Two of those moves occurred during the school year. When we nallylanded I think I knew how Dorothy felt when her farmhouse plopped down in Munchkin Land;breathless and frightened and curious. The dierence was that my Oz was a strange high schoolin a strange state. I was totally unprepared to make friends or nd a niche. I did manage to makesome friends, but not the kind that my parents would like. Heres what I can tell you about thebad kids in high school; they arent stuck up and theyre glad to make new friends. Also, its not

that they want to be bad, they just want to stop being lonely - at least thats how it is for me.Gail is my best friend. Our parents dont know each other and never talk, so its easy to lie to themabout where we go. This time we told our parents that we were going to a movie. We really wentto my boyfriends apartment to party with our friends. Okay, so my boyfriend isnt in high school.Neither is Gails.The bong was red up, the bottle of cheap wine traveled from lips to lips like a juicy rumor,and the music was so loud that, for a while, we didnt hear the pounding on the door. Finally,someone opened it and there stood my brother saying, Pam, you have to come home now. Dadswaiting in the car. Even through the haze of a drunken high I knew that he was the jury foremanpronouncing, We nd the defendant guilty, and sentence her to... I knew that this was going to

be bad.As I climbed into the front seat I said with false brightness, Hi Dad, what are you doing here? Thenext thing I knew, my mouth hurt and I tasted blood. Okay, things were going to be very bad.What have you been doing? Dad growled.We went to a movie, and then went to Gails friends. We were just dropping her o. That mer-ited another back-hand to the face.Dont lie to me! Her car was cold. Youve been there for hours.The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the loveseat in Dads study. He was in his chair with hisback to the desk, a legal pad and pen in hand, taking notes as I did my best to answer the ques-tions he red at me. The only thing protecting me from panic was the eect of the wine, pot, andhashish that stayed with me; faithful friends who give me condence and security, even in theery furnace.Go to your room, Dad ordered. I obeyed. The fear that began to creep in was a familiar one. Iwondered, as I had so many times before, how I could protect myself from what was coming. Itwas a June night in Virginia, and the only thing between me and the heat were shorts, under-pants, and a halter top. Did I have time to put on extra underpants? Dad entered the room, rmlyclosed the door, and removed his belt, never taking his eyes o me. Bend over, he commanded.As I went to my bed and bent over my support team grew; my mattress joined the drugs andwine, and together they kept me from falling through the oor. I knew that I should cry, but

Peril in OzPamela Schwartz

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instead I started counting the belts lashes on my back, butt, and legs. One, two, three fourteen,fteen, sixteen twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine thirty-two. He stopped, and I won-dered if he was done or just taking a break.Im going to make some phone calls, I heard him say, and if I nd out that youve been lying tome, theres more where that came from. The door opened and closed, and I thought, Hes goingto kill me. I have to get away.

Before the next morning dawned I packed a few things, gingerly put on some clothes, and snuckout of the house. We only live two blocks from a pretty busy street, so thats where I headed tohitch a ride. A nice man picked me up on his way to work, and when I climbed out of the car helooked at me with such concern that I almost wished I could ask him for help. I also wonderedhow bad I looked; I didnt have time to check a mirror before I left.I called Gail and she took me to a high-rise apartment where a mother and daughter lived. Idnever met them before, and was surprised that Gail hadnt told me about them; I thought I kneweverything about her. We told them that Id had a ght with my brother and that I needed a placeto crash for a few days. They said I could stay and, gratefully, I took a shower. When I was done Iwrapped myself in a towel and stepped out of the bathroom. I knew right away that was a bigmistake. The mom was in the hall and she looked at me like I was a giant Cobra about to strike;terried and disgusted at the same time. It was almost funny, but I felt more like throwing upthan laughing. I ducked into the bedroom and worked up the courage to look at my backside inthe mirror. Crap. It looked as bad as I felt, and between the beating and the hangover I felt prettydamn bad. I got dressed and went into the living room where the mom said she was sorry, but Icouldnt stay after all.Gail called me over to the window and pointed down. We could see a shark gliding through theparking lot below us, looking for its prey. We were up so high that it was only the size of a match-box car, but we both recognized my dads blue Chevy. Fear tastes metallic. How did the sharkknow where to look when I didnt even know where I was? I stood at the window unable to move,barely able to even breathe. After what seemed like hours, the shark turned into the river-road

where it was caught up by the current of trac and glided away.We hurried to Gails car and she took me to a house with more people Id never met before. Sheintroduced me to the son and daughter, promised to call me later and left. The son and daughtertold me that their dad doesnt like to be bothered and melted into their rooms, leaving me tofend for myself. There was no sign of a mom anywhere. She must have been gone a long timebecause the house was as trashed as it was dark. Sunlight and hope were forbidden in that place.The curtains were drawn tight and the sun had given up trying to slip through any gaps.I didnt know where I was or who those people were. I only knew that I felt safe and would do any-thing to stay there. At my house, the way to stay out of trouble is to nd work to do, so instinctu-ally, I start cleaning. The next day I got up and cleaned more. It didnt take me long to see that no

one did anything around there, so I did laundry, ironed shirts, and rummaged through the freezerfor food. I cooked a dinner. At the table the daughter presented me to her dad like I was a rare seashell that shed discovered on the beach. She didnt try to take credit for the changes in the place,but she seemed desperate to take credit for the fact that I was there.He seemed to peek out of the cocoon of gloom that was wrapped around him so tight I won-dered how he could breathe. It was as though the messiness of the house had him under a spell,and once I started conquering the mess, he started waking up. But he wasnt awake enough toask why I was there or how long I planned to stay, so I relaxed just a little. Mostly my plan was tobe Alice to this little Brady bunch, which seemed to work for the rst couple of weeks.When my face, back and legs healed the son decided to start taking me along with them to his

band practices and gigs. Im no cover girl, but Im very tall, thin, and cute enough that boys noticeme. The daughter was ne with me as long as I was Alice, but she was denitely not okay withme as a normal girl which evidently translates to competition in her world. She started com-plaining about me using her shampoo and she stole my favorite shirt and hid it in her room. Its agauzy, black blouse with very thin, very bright vertical stripes about an inch apart. It was the lastthing my mom had bought for me before I ran away and I really love it. It also looks terric withmy blonde hair. The son told the daughter to lighten up, but she didnt. She was ready for me togo and made sure that I knew it. That was ne with me, because Id been sick lately. Not throwingup or anything; I just felt really crappy. I went home and found out I had Mono.

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Now here we are, four months later, and everythings the same, except that Dad found a pot pipein my sisters purse, and hes thrashing her instead of me. Our Mom still wont, or cant, protectus. Does he think that this time will be dierent? Is he expecting to hear, Thanks, Dad; I get yourpoint now? Doesnt he know that hes taking away her choices every time he lays a stripe on herskin? I cover my ears. Tears wet my face and my heart hurts. It breaks clean in two the next morn-ing, when I wake up and nd her gone.

I would distain to be a character

in one or many of the classic actswherein Id sacrice myself if eerI might nd presence only in the past.There all would look at me and wonder howan artist with such skill could sculpt me so.And in this irony, as tis called now,still those who know me best, me hardly know!I would distain to live by others words,each hanging my intentions to their own.While screenplays dare not script the ight of birds,instead, expect love, neer having been grown.What I would rather do had I not beenso tightly reined by such a sharpened pen?

Sonnet 2.1Rick Schwartz

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lostsome

where in

the middle

some

way in

trying

to understand

just being

confused

not sure

what

to say

how

to be

one

Hearts

Purple, white, red, pink

Hand-made

Sits in a drawer

Thrown in the trash

FriendsChris Switzer

On a ValentineChris Switzer

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They all keep telling meI cant do this.They simply dont seeThat my heart says yes.

They all keep telling meThis is how it is.So my optimism drainedFrom my lifelong wish.

They all keep telling meWhat I should do.Cause they dont believeThat I can, too!

So God tells meThat Father knows best.So, on his kneeAnd in his arms Im blessed.

So God tells me

Ive got amazing friends.So, for the moment I need to beStill and let him make amends.

And God tells meIm his special voiceThat he likes to keep in keySo the world can hear me rejoice.

I Can TooKassie K. Wilson

CUAA - In the Moment 2008-09

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Transcript of CUAA - In the Moment 2008-09