Crucial Conversations Participant Guide

Welcome to this life-changing course! This course has the potential to

improve your life in many ways, by providing you with tools to handle

life’s most difficult conversations.

This course is based on the book: Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking

When Stakes are High, written by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron

McMillian and Al Switzler.

Today will help you identify symptoms, and develop strategies to work

through challenges, enabling you to move from “crucial” to “dialogue”

when conversations matter most.

•  Have you ever found yourself in deep weeds in a conversation?

•  Feeling trapped, wanting to run for cover?

•  Have you ever become overly aggressive with someone over

something they said?

•  Have you ever yelled at someone, or been yelled at during a

conversation?

These are all symptoms of conversations that have become crucial.

8/21/16 2

How do these circumstances make conversations more

challenging?

High Stakes:_____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Opposing Opinions:____________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Strong Emotions:_______________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

8/21/16 3

8/21/16 4

Crucial Conversations

Fight:ControllingLabelingA2acking

Flight:MaskingAvoidingWithdrawing

Sucker’s Choice

8/21/16 6

Physiology:______________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Fight:_____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Flight:____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

8/21/16 7

Crucial Conversation Model

Explain in your own words how the model works:

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Why is this such a game changer?

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Role Play #1

•  You ask your roommate to move her things in the refrigerator off your

shelves, and onto hers.

•  You thought it was no big deal, simply a request to share the space evenly,

and you went to all the trouble to label each shelf.

•  You have no hidden agenda. You like this roommate a great deal.

•  She comes back with: “There you go again, telling me how to run my life.”

•  I can’t change the vacuum cleaner bag without you jumping in and giving

me advice.”

Master My Stories

8/21/16 9

Why are motives so important?

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Are there any motives on the left you would like to

move to the right column? Why?___________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

10

WhatHappensasEmo?onsEscalate?

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

______________________________________

WhatCanWeDo?

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

______________________________________

Heart Problems

8/21/16

Practice

8/21/16 11

Workwithapartneronthisac?vitytoanswertheques?ons.

Whathappenedemo?onally?__________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

HowmightCrucialConversa?onschangethisconversa?on?________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Whatwerethemo?ves?______________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Howcouldrightmo?veschangetheresultsofthisconversa?on?____

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Role Play #2

•  Member calls into Communications, says he wants to deposit

a large check, then use it to buy a car. He is told to make the

deposit, and a supervisor will release the money for him on

the next business day.

•  Member makes a $37,000 deposit 2/19 (Friday).

•  He needs the funds released 2/22 (Monday) for the purchase of

his car.

•  He calls irate that we can’t release his funds.

•  We ask for a copy of his check.

•  He says he doesn’t have a copy– no one told him he needed it!

Use what you have learned so far to de-escalate this call.

Our Stories: Salomeh Diaz

•  Ifit’s_______youcantalkabout____________with____________.

•  Our_________createouremo?ons,andwe

createour__________.

•  Wetakein80%ofour____________throughour

__________.

•  Weneedtoholdon________toour_________.

VictorFranco,inMan’sSearchforMeaning:

“Wheneverythingistakenfromusonethingremains–the

powertochooseone’sa?tudeinanygivencircumstance.”

8/21/16 13

Contrasting Statements

8/21/16 14

Use“Don’t”Statementstoexpresswhatyoudidnot______or________.

Use“Do”Statementstoconfirm________and_____________.

8/21/16 15

Make the Conversation Safe: Apologize Use Contrast Create Mutual Purpose

Make it Safe

Role Play #3

8/21/16 16

Respondtothefollowingstatementswithyourpartner:

•  “Youcomeprancinginherelikeyouowntheplace.”

•  “Nevermind;ifyouthinkthewhiteonelooksbe2er,Iguess

youknowwhat’sbest.”

•  “You’renotgoingtoactuallysendthatle2erareyou?”

•  (Lookingupsetanddiscouraged.)“Don’tworry.I’mjustfine.”

•  “OnemorestuntlikethatandI’mgoingtotheboss.”

Role Play #3

8/21/16 17

Respond to the following statements with your partner:

•  “You come prancing in here like you own the place.”

•  “Never mind; if you think the white one looks better, I

guess you know what’s best.”

•  “You’re not going to actually send that letter are you?”

•  (Looking upset and discouraged.) “Don’t worry. I’m

just fine.”

•  “One more stunt like that and I’m going to the boss.”

Our Stories are the Master Key

•  WhatisthecostifI________up?•  WhatisthecostifI_____________up?•  90%ofUSworkerssaytheyareworkingonaprojectthatthey

knowwill_________.•  83%ofleaderssaytheyencounter__________________,

whileonly13%saytheycaneffecKvely________it.

•  MutualRespectislike___________.Themomentitisgone,youcan’t____________anymore.

•  MutualRespect:ifyoudon’thave__________,forsomeoneyouwillhaveto______some.Sothatwecanhavedialogue.

•  MutualPurpose:howcanyou_________thatyoualso________aboutsomethingtheotherpersoncaresabout?

•  MutualPurpose:howcanyou________commonground?

8/21/16 18

Paths to Success

•  LookforEarly_______Signs

•  StepOutoftheContextofthe____________,

Re-Establish___________.

•  ShowthatYou_________AboutTheirBest_________.

•  ShowthatYou_________About_________.

•  StepBackIntothe____________.

•  AskYourself,“WhatDoIReally_________?”

•  AskYourself,“IfThisisWhatIReally________,

isThisHowIWouldbe__________?”

•  StepOutofContext,Re-Build_________,

thenReturnto_________.

8/21/16 19

Conversation Practice

Work with your partner and plan a difficult

conversation using the attached Conversation

Planning document. Use the information you

have learned so far in your plan.

8/21/16 20

8/21/16 21

8/21/16 22

Mission “Empower people to create quality conversations

& thereby improve the quality of their life.”

The concepts of Crucial Conversations fit into the culture at Firefighters First in 3 of our

Core Values. Write a few sentences below to describe this from your point of view. Competence DemonstrateKnowledge:WehavethedepthandbreadthofknowledgerequiredtoprovidesoluKonsthatwillimproveourmembers’financiallives.EnsureQuality:WepayaWenKontodetailanddeliveraccuracyinallourwork.GetResults:WeacceptresponsibilityforouracKonsandactwithasenseofurgency.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Excellence LeadbyExample:WemanagebyfactandsethighexpectaKonsforourselvesandforthosewithwhomwework,includingourthird-partypartners.CareaboutMeans:WhiletheboWomlineisimportant,howwegettheremaWers.SeekImprovement:WesystemaKcallymakeimprovementsandconsistentlyraiseourperformancebar.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Positivity HaveFun:Wevaluebringinglaughterandhumorintotheworkplace.RemoveBarriers:WemaintainaposiKveoutlookandfindcomposureandresiliencyinthefaceofadversity.AssumeBestInten?ons:WeworktocreateandsustainposiKverelaKonships.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

8/21/16 23