Critical Things Successful People Do (and Don't Do)

8/16/2019 Critical Things Successful People Do (and Don't Do)

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Critical Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

We all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It

might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship.

Whatever the challenge, you have to see things through a new lens, and take

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decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.

It sounds easy, but it isn’t.

It’s fascinating how mentally strong people set themselves apart from the crowd.

Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that mental strength comes

from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. It’s easy to fall

prey to this misconception. In reality, mental strength is under your control, and

it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

When it first appeared to the masses, emotional intelligence served as the missing

link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the

highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the

broadly held assumption that IQ was the most important source of success.

Decades of research now point to EQ being the critical factor that sets star

performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90%

of top performers have high EQ.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It

affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal

decisions to achieve positive results.


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Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to

know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You

can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free, so I’ve analyzedthe data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify

the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what you

don’t do is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.

The beauty of EQ is that it’s a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort.

Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally

intelligent people. If you’re up for it, start with these critical things that

emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these

behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

They don’t stay in their comfort zone. Self-awareness is the foundation of

EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isn’t comfortable. You can’t increase your

EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you

should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look

at yourself, you aren’t going to like everything you see. It’s more comfortable to

keep the blinders on, but they make certain that you’ll never have a high EQ.

They don’t give in to fear. They say that bravery is being scared to death to do

something and doing it anyway. Many times, that’s true, even when it comes to


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your career. The fear doesn’t have to come from something as extreme as rushing

into a burning building; it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb

to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, you’ve

already lost. It’s not that emotionally intelligent people aren’t afraid—they simply

pick themselves up and fight on regardless of the fear.

They don’t stop believing in themselves. Emotionally intelligent people

persevere. They don’t give up in the face of failure, and they don’t give up because

they’re tired or uncomfortable. They’re focused on their goals, not on momentary

feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They don’t take

failing to mean that they’re a failure. Likewise, they don’t let the opinions of

others keep them from chasing their dreams. When someone says, “You’ll never

be able to do that,” they regard it as one person’s opinion, which is all it is.

They don’t beg for attention. People who are always begging for attention are

needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity.

Emotionally intelligent people couldn’t care less about attention. They do what

they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is

stroking their ego.

They don’t act like jerks. People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure.

They act like jerks because they don’t have the emotional strength to be nice when

they don’t feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their

relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the

kind of mood they’re in.


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They don’t hold grudges. The negative emotions that come with holding onto

a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on

your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. Researchers

at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high

blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding

onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.

They don’t hang around negative people. Negative people are bad news

because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want

people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves.

People often feel pressure to listen to negative people because they don’t want to

be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic

ear to someone and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral.

Emotionally intelligent people avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and

distancing themselves from negative people when necessary. Think of it this way:

If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-

hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative

people.

They don’t feel sorry for themselves. Here’s the worst thing about feeling

sorry for yourself, other than it being annoying, of course: it shifts your locus of

control outside yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is, in essence, declaring that

you’re a helpless victim of circumstance. Emotionally intelligent people never feel

sorry for themselves because that would mean giving up their power.


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They don’t feel entitled. Emotionally intelligent people believe that the world

is a meritocracy and that the only things that they deserve are those that they

earn. People who lack EQ often feel entitled. They think that the world owes them

something. Again, it’s about locus of control. Emotionally intelligent people know

that they alone are responsible for their successes or failures.

They don’t close their minds. When people close their minds to new

information or opinions, it’s typically because they find them threatening. They

think that admitting that someone else is right means that they’re wrong, and

that’s very uncomfortable for people lacking EQ. Emotionally intelligent people

aren’t threatened by new things; they’re open to new information and new ideas,

even if it means admitting that they are wrong.

They don’t let anyone limit their joy. When your sense of pleasure and

satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer

the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good

about something they’ve done, they don’t let anyone’s opinions or

accomplishments take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your

reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself with

others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way,

no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from

within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one

thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They don’t get eaten up by jealousy and envy. Emotionally intelligent


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people understand that the happiness and success of others doesn’t take away

from their own, so jealousy and envy aren’t an issue for them. They see success as

being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others’ successes.

They don’t live in the past. Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it

hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time,failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that aren’t easy.

Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the

face of failure, and they can’t do this if they’re living in the past. Anything worth

achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you can’t allow failure to

stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that

is exactly what happens—your past becomes your present and prevents you from

moving forward.

Improving your emotional intelligence is the single most important thing you can

do to advance your career. The good news is that you can make it happen with a

little determination, effort, and a good model to follow.

What other things do emotionally intelligent people do (or not do)? Please share

your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you

as you do from me.

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book,


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Critical Things Ridiculously Successful People Do

Every Day

Having close access to ultra-successful people can yield some pretty incredible

information about who they really are, what makes them tick, and, most

importantly, what makes them so successful and productive.

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Kevin Kruse is one such person. He recently interviewed over 200 ultra-successful people, including 7 billionaires, 13 Olympians, and a host of

accomplished entrepreneurs. One of his most revealing sources of information

came from their answers to a simple open-ended question:

“What is your number one secret to productivity?”

In analyzing their responses, Kruse coded the answers to yield some fascinating

suggestions. What follows are some of my favorites from Kevin’s findings.

They focus on minutes, not hours. Most people default to hour and half-

hour blocks on their calendar; highly successful people know that there are 1,440

minutes in every day and that there is nothing more valuable than time. Money

can be lost and made again, but time spent can never be reclaimed. As legendary

Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller told Kevin, “To this day, I keep a schedule that

is almost minute by minute.” You must master your minutes to master your life.

They focus on only one thing. Ultra-productive people know what their

“Most Important Task” is and work on it for one to two hours each morning,

without interruptions. What task will have the biggest impact on reaching your


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goals? What accomplishment will get you promoted at work? That’s what you

should dedicate your mornings to every day.

They don’t use to-do lists. Throw away your to-do list; instead schedule

everything on your calendar. It turns out that only 41% of items on to-do lists ever

get done. All those undone items lead to stress and insomnia because of theZeigarnik effect, which, in essence, means that uncompleted tasks will stay on

your mind until you finish them. Highly productive people put everything on their

calendar and then work and live by that calendar.

They beat procrastination with time travel. Your future self can’t be

trusted. That’s because we are time inconsistent . We buy veggies today because

we think we’ll eat healthy salads all week; then we throw out green rotting mush

in the future. Successful people figure out what they can do now to make certain

their future selves will do the right thing. Anticipate how you will self-sabotage in

the future, and come up with a solution today to defeat your future self.

They make it home for dinner. Kevin first learned this one from Intel’s Andy

Grove, who said, “There is always more to be done, more that should be done,

always more than can be done.” Highly successful people know what they value in

life. Yes, work, but also what else they value. There is no right answer, but for

many, these other values include family time, exercise, and giving back. They

consciously allocate their 1,440 minutes a day to each area they value (i.e., they

put them on their calendar), and then they stick to that schedule.


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They use a notebook. Richard Branson has said on more than one occasion

that he wouldn’t have been able to build Virgin without a simple notebook, which

he takes with him wherever he goes. In one interview, Greek shipping magnate

Aristotle Onassis said, “Always carry a notebook. Write everything down. . .. That

is a million dollar lesson they don’t teach you in business school!” Ultra-

productive people free their minds by writing everything down as the thoughtscome to them.

They process e-mails only a few times a day. Ultra-productive people don’t

“check” their e-mail throughout the day. They don’t respond to each vibration or

ding to see who has intruded into their inbox. Instead, like everything else, they

schedule time to process their e-mails quickly and efficiently. For some, that’s

only once a day; for others, it’s morning, noon, and night.

They avoid meetings at all costs. When Kevin asked Mark Cuban to give his

best productivity advice, he quickly responded, “Never take meetings unless

someone is writing a check.” Meetings are notorious time killers. They start late,

have the wrong people in them, meander around their topics, and run long. You

should get out of meetings whenever you can and hold fewer of them yourself. If

you do run a meeting, keep it short and to the point.

They say “no” to almost everything. Billionaire Warren Buffet once said,

“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very

successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.” And James Altucher colorfully

gave Kevin this tip: “If something is not a ‘Hell Yeah!’ then it’s a no.” Remember,


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you only have 1,440 minutes in a day. Don’t give them away easily.

They follow the 80/20 rule. Known as the Pareto Principle, in most cases,

80% of results come from only 20% of activities. Ultra-productive people know

which activities drive the greatest results. Focus on those and ignore the rest.

They delegate almost everything. Ultra-productive people don’t ask, “How

can I do this task?” Instead, they ask, “How can this task get done?” They take the

I out of it as much as possible. Ultra-productive people don’t have control issues,

and they are not micro-managers. In many cases, good enough is, well, good

enough.

They touch things only once. How many times have you opened a piece of

regular mail—a bill perhaps—and then put it down, only to deal with it again

later? How often do you read an e-mail and then close it and leave it in your inbox

to deal with later? Highly successful people try to “touch it once.” If it takes less

than five or ten minutes—whatever it is—they deal with it right then and there. It

reduces stress, since it won’t be in the back of their minds, and it is more efficient,

since they won’t have to re-read or re-evaluate the item again in the future.

They practice a consistent morning routine. Kevin’s single greatest

surprise while interviewing over 200 highly successful people was how many of

them wanted to share their morning ritual with him. While he heard about a wide

variety of habits, most nurtured their bodies in the morning with water, a healthy

breakfast, and light exercise, and they nurtured their minds with meditation or


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prayer, inspirational reading, or journaling.

Energy is everything. You can’t make more minutes in the day, but you can

increase your energy to increase your attention, focus, and productivity. Highly

successful people don’t skip meals, sleep, or breaks in the pursuit of more, more,

more. Instead, they view food as fuel, sleep as recovery, and breaks asopportunities to recharge in order to get even more done.

You might not be an entrepreneur, an Olympian, or a billionaire (or even want to

be), but their secrets just might help you to get more done in less time and assist

you to stop feeling so overworked and overwhelmed.

What do you do to stay productive? Please share your thoughts in the comments

section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Special thanks to Kevin Kruse for assistance with this post.

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling

book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's

leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than

75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into

25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has

written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune,

Critical Things Successful People Do (and Don't Do)

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