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Couple weekend oct. 2012
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Transcript of Couple weekend oct. 2012
THE VIBRANT RELATIONSHIPDeveloping Acknowledging Intimacy
Kirsten Seidenfaden & Piet Draiby
LONDON20.-21. Oktober 2012
My Baggage:
Attachment Behavior
Brain development
Survival Strategies
My stories
We can free ourselves from
old habits and
survival strategies
PROBLEMS
- may not be solved
- but they may dissolve
Key concepts:
The Space
The Bridge
The Encounter
Appreciation ------ Acknowledgment
Sympathy ------ Empathy
Key concept:
Acknowledging Intimacy
(in-to-me-se)
Key processes:
The Acknowledging Dialogue
Mirroring Acknowledging
Empathizing
Purposes of ”The dialogue of Acknowledgment”:
Establishing - a safe space
- a clear sturcture
- contact
- Calm and easy going pace
When Mirroring
- the listeners responsibility is to be1. aware of what is said2. attentive through the whole process3. curious as to your partners experience4. willing to let go of own thoughts and feelings
- The storytellers responibility is to 1 talk about her-/himself : ”- I am/feel - ” etc..2 avoid criticising your partner3 express him/-herself as precisely and briefly as
possible4 talk about one theme at a time5 listening attentively to your partners mirroring – no
interruptions
Attachment Emotional attunement and mirroring
being attentive and predictable
17
Our Bio-psycho-social destiny
We are born in connection
We suffer in solitude
We develop in relation
cit. Anne-Lise Løvlie Schibby
Attachment Theory:
The ways we formattachments to other people
The Securely attached child will develop more competence
The Insecurely attached child will develop more survival
strategies
Attachment possibilities Secure Attachement: Child – grown up
Acquired secure Attachment: Grown up – Grown up
Mentalizing – or in plain language:
Acknowledging intimacy
- is a capacity we can develop throughout life
Seidenfaden & Draiby www.relationsterapi.dk 25
By Mentalizing you simultaneously draw on your ability to:
-regulate stress – regulating theintensity of your emotions-keep up your attention
- empathize and understand
As well as furthering the development of these core functions
”- given the range of evidence …. we are drawn inevitably to suggest: In order to help children
grow from their earl iest childhood forward toward their full social and emotional potential, a central
aim of intervention and prevention work must be to encourage ref lect ive functioning in parents or
parents-to-be.”
From:Howard Steele & Miriam Steele In: Mentalization, Frederic N. Busch (ed.), The Analytic Press, London 2008.
From The London Parent Child Project:
The Cogwheels and the Gear shift
Breakdown and
Restoration
of the Acknowledging Intimacy
Seidenfaden & Draiby www.relationsterapi.dk 31