Counseling SkillsCounseling Skills

"Getting to Know You" "Getting to Know You"

In counseling there is normally a In counseling there is normally a familiar pattern of sessions - familiar pattern of sessions - Introduction, Information Gathering, Introduction, Information Gathering, Discussion, Conclusion and Homework! Discussion, Conclusion and Homework!

Feeling anxious? Don't worry, the client Feeling anxious? Don't worry, the client is more afraid of you than you are of is more afraid of you than you are of the client! :) What matters most of all is the client! :) What matters most of all is the the client gets to talk and talk and the the client gets to talk and talk and talk AND be truly heard! talk AND be truly heard!

Initial Visit Initial Visit First impressions really are lasting impressions. It First impressions really are lasting impressions. It

is important to be timely and friendly. is important to be timely and friendly. Introduction Introduction – the first 10 minutes– the first 10 minutes

Greet the client warmly – smile and shake hands. Greet the client warmly – smile and shake hands. Escort to your office.Escort to your office.

Offer a chair and a drink of water.Offer a chair and a drink of water. Your client will be nervous – not knowing what to Your client will be nervous – not knowing what to

expect. So explain to her or him right away what expect. So explain to her or him right away what she or he may be wondering about – briefly. Your she or he may be wondering about – briefly. Your credentials, the forms that will need to be filled credentials, the forms that will need to be filled out, the assurance of confidentiality, the duration out, the assurance of confidentiality, the duration of the visit, etc. of the visit, etc.

Don’t forget to assure the client that there will be Don’t forget to assure the client that there will be time to find out what brings her or him in here. time to find out what brings her or him in here. Given the amount of paperwork that normally has Given the amount of paperwork that normally has to be filled out, she or he will begin to question to be filled out, she or he will begin to question the value of this.the value of this.

Information Gathering Information Gathering – about 20 minutes– about 20 minutes

Ask the client, “So what brings you in here Ask the client, “So what brings you in here today?!” If the person doesn’t know where to today?!” If the person doesn’t know where to start, tell the client to “start anywhere.” start, tell the client to “start anywhere.” Some clients give coherent stories, others Some clients give coherent stories, others give a laundry list of concerns. But generally give a laundry list of concerns. But generally speaking, some themes should keep coming speaking, some themes should keep coming up again and again. Take discreet one or two up again and again. Take discreet one or two word notes; you will be able to review these word notes; you will be able to review these shortly.shortly.

A successful first visit is one in which the client has A successful first visit is one in which the client has done almost all of the talking – this is all about them!done almost all of the talking – this is all about them!

Discussion / Counselor Input Discussion / Counselor Input – about 10 minutes– about 10 minutes

This is your opportunity to provide input. To tell the This is your opportunity to provide input. To tell the client what you think she/he is saying and to client what you think she/he is saying and to develop a list of concerns. The client can then be develop a list of concerns. The client can then be asked if what you are hearing is what she/he is asked if what you are hearing is what she/he is saying. Ask the client to rate the concerns from saying. Ask the client to rate the concerns from most problematic to least, and ask which one most problematic to least, and ask which one she/he would like to work on first. You may not she/he would like to work on first. You may not have all the resources you need at hand – but you have all the resources you need at hand – but you now know what you have to do some homework now know what you have to do some homework on!on!

I am a big fan of "mapping" as the first homework I am a big fan of "mapping" as the first homework assignment - filling out a week-long time sheet assignment - filling out a week-long time sheet where they can write down when the problem where they can write down when the problem happens and what is going on at the time.happens and what is going on at the time.

ConclusionConclusion – about 10 minutes – about 10 minutes

Assure the client that she/he can Assure the client that she/he can “do this.” If you honestly feel “do this.” If you honestly feel that client can't, this is a sign that client can't, this is a sign you need to refer.you need to refer.

It is crucial that the client have a It is crucial that the client have a printed copy of services available printed copy of services available to her/him – especially of warm-to her/him – especially of warm-lines and crisis services.lines and crisis services.

Make certain the client knows that she/he Make certain the client knows that she/he can always reach you – by answering can always reach you – by answering machine and by email. That you will machine and by email. That you will respond briefly, and the client can discuss respond briefly, and the client can discuss the stated concern(s) at the next meeting.the stated concern(s) at the next meeting.

End all counseling sessions on a positive End all counseling sessions on a positive note. The client should be able to list a few note. The client should be able to list a few things that she/he has to look forward to things that she/he has to look forward to over the next few days. over the next few days.

Set the next appointment time and dateSet the next appointment time and date

Middle VisitsMiddle Visits Greet the client warmly – smile (and shake hands if hand Greet the client warmly – smile (and shake hands if hand

is extended or is appropriate.) Escort to your office.is extended or is appropriate.) Escort to your office. Offer a chair and a drink of water.Offer a chair and a drink of water. Give the client the chance to get things off her/his chest Give the client the chance to get things off her/his chest

before you move to info gathering. These concerns may before you move to info gathering. These concerns may be spurious – but may be pre-occupying. Or these be spurious – but may be pre-occupying. Or these concerns may form the major part of this session.concerns may form the major part of this session.

Explain how this second (third, etc.) visit will look. That Explain how this second (third, etc.) visit will look. That you will review what happened last visit and what has you will review what happened last visit and what has happened since then. You will continue to work on happened since then. You will continue to work on current challenges as indicated last time – or others that current challenges as indicated last time – or others that may take precedent.may take precedent.

NB: If the client is feeling no better or in fact feels worse, NB: If the client is feeling no better or in fact feels worse, this may be out of your scope of practice. Set up a this may be out of your scope of practice. Set up a referral now. It can always be canceled.referral now. It can always be canceled.

Review Review

Review what happened last time – to make Review what happened last time – to make sure you are on the same page. If there sure you are on the same page. If there was homework – review it; if the homework was homework – review it; if the homework was not done, ask why?!was not done, ask why?!

Work with the primary concerns of the day.Work with the primary concerns of the day. As always, try to let the client do most of As always, try to let the client do most of

the talking. If she/he is avoiding talking the talking. If she/he is avoiding talking about concerns, bring her/him back on about concerns, bring her/him back on track.track.

Discussion / Counselor Input Discussion / Counselor Input – about 10 minutes– about 10 minutes

This is your opportunity to provide input. In fact you This is your opportunity to provide input. In fact you may have been already, but if you know you have may have been already, but if you know you have reserved some time to reflect on what is being said, reserved some time to reflect on what is being said, you will be less likely to interrupt, to talk.you will be less likely to interrupt, to talk.

Note: After the initial or second session, the Note: After the initial or second session, the counselor-client interaction may become more counselor-client interaction may become more informal and more direct. This is fine - you can be informal and more direct. This is fine - you can be friendly and professional at the same time. But friendly and professional at the same time. But remember, you are not the client’s friend. Most remember, you are not the client’s friend. Most professional associations do not endorse counselor-professional associations do not endorse counselor-client relationships outside of the counseling setting, client relationships outside of the counseling setting, or any behavior – in our out of the workplace - which or any behavior – in our out of the workplace - which may violate professional boundaries.may violate professional boundaries.

ConclusionConclusion – about 10 – about 10 minutesminutes

Restate briefly what has happened and what the Restate briefly what has happened and what the client is hoping to achieve – getting approval at each client is hoping to achieve – getting approval at each assertion.assertion.

Again, assure the client this is “doable.” If this is Again, assure the client this is “doable.” If this is beyond your scope of practice, you need to refer beyond your scope of practice, you need to refer NOW.NOW.

Homework of some kind is important The other 23 Homework of some kind is important The other 23 hours of this day and the rest of the days in between, hours of this day and the rest of the days in between, you aren’t there. Becoming well is ongoing activity.you aren’t there. Becoming well is ongoing activity.

NB: Check to see if the client did book or have the NB: Check to see if the client did book or have the health assessment. If not, have her/him book it using health assessment. If not, have her/him book it using the phone in the office.the phone in the office.

End on a positive note!End on a positive note! Set the next appointment time and date if it has not Set the next appointment time and date if it has not

been prebooked.been prebooked.

Final Visit Final Visit

There is really is no such thing. There is really is no such thing. Clients often drift off after a session Clients often drift off after a session or two. Also, even if you have seen or two. Also, even if you have seen the client on numerous occasions – the client on numerous occasions – she or he may need to come back. she or he may need to come back. This ending may be more like a This ending may be more like a vacation break. vacation break.

Introduction Introduction – the first 10 – the first 10 minutes minutes

Greet the client warmly – smile (and shake Greet the client warmly – smile (and shake hands if hand is extended or is hands if hand is extended or is appropriate.) Escort to your office. appropriate.) Escort to your office.

Offer a chair and a drink of water. Offer a chair and a drink of water. Give the client the chance to get things off Give the client the chance to get things off

her/his chest before you move to info her/his chest before you move to info gathering. These concerns may be spurious gathering. These concerns may be spurious – but may be pre-occupying. Or addressing – but may be pre-occupying. Or addressing this could take up most of this session. this could take up most of this session.

Explain how this “final” visit will look. That Explain how this “final” visit will look. That you will review what has happened thus far you will review what has happened thus far and look positively toward the future. and look positively toward the future.

Information Gathering Information Gathering – – about 20 minutes about 20 minutes

Review what happened last time – to make Review what happened last time – to make sure you are on the same page. If there was sure you are on the same page. If there was homework – review it. homework – review it.

Work with the primary concerns of the day. Work with the primary concerns of the day. In a “final visit”, the client may express In a “final visit”, the client may express concern of feeling orphaned. concern of feeling orphaned.

As always, try to let the client do most of As always, try to let the client do most of the talking. If she/he is avoiding talking the talking. If she/he is avoiding talking about concerns, bring her/him back on about concerns, bring her/him back on track.track.

Discussion / Counselor Input Discussion / Counselor Input – about 10 minutes – about 10 minutes

This is your opportunity to provide This is your opportunity to provide input. Hopefully by now the client is input. Hopefully by now the client is very good at coming up with her/his very good at coming up with her/his own strategies. own strategies.

ConclusionConclusion – about 10 – about 10 minutes minutes

Restate briefly what has happened over the past Restate briefly what has happened over the past few weeks and what the client has achieved. few weeks and what the client has achieved. Assure the client that he or she can “do this.” It is Assure the client that he or she can “do this.” It is crucial that the client have a printed copy of crucial that the client have a printed copy of services available to her/him – especially of warm-services available to her/him – especially of warm-lines and crisis services. lines and crisis services.

Make certain the client knows that she or he can Make certain the client knows that she or he can always reach you somehow – for example, by email always reach you somehow – for example, by email or by sending a letter. Chances are they won’t or by sending a letter. Chances are they won’t “hound” you – but they may very well send you a “hound” you – but they may very well send you a thank you note. thank you note.

As always, end on a positive note. The client should As always, end on a positive note. The client should leave able to easily the list the good things in leave able to easily the list the good things in her/his life. her/his life.

Reflective ListeningReflective Listening S: "I'm very depressed today."S: "I'm very depressed today."

C: "You're very depressed, Mr. Smith."C: "You're very depressed, Mr. Smith."S: "Yes. I haven't been this depressed in a long time."S: "Yes. I haven't been this depressed in a long time."C: "You haven't been this depressed in a long time."C: "You haven't been this depressed in a long time."S: "I'm so depressed that I'm thinking about killing myself."S: "I'm so depressed that I'm thinking about killing myself."C: "You're thinking about killing yourself."C: "You're thinking about killing yourself."S: "I'd like to kill myself right now."S: "I'd like to kill myself right now."C: "You'd like to kill yourself right now."C: "You'd like to kill yourself right now."S: "Yes, I'm so desperate that I think I'll open this window S: "Yes, I'm so desperate that I think I'll open this window and jump out."and jump out."C: "You're thinking of jumping out that window."C: "You're thinking of jumping out that window."S: "I'm gonna do it. See? I'm opening the window.... and I'm S: "I'm gonna do it. See? I'm opening the window.... and I'm gonna jump."gonna jump."C: "You're going to jump out the window."C: "You're going to jump out the window."S: "Bye. Here I go........ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" (splat)S: "Bye. Here I go........ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" (splat)C: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, splat."C: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, splat."

Asking the right Asking the right questions questions 

Try to ask more open questions than closed questions. Try to ask more open questions than closed questions. An open question is one which cannot be answered with yes or no An open question is one which cannot be answered with yes or no

and which encourages a more detailed answer, for example: and which encourages a more detailed answer, for example: ““What are your feelings about this?” What are your feelings about this?” ““What are the advantages of doing things the way you have What are the advantages of doing things the way you have

suggested?” suggested?” ““What are the disadvantages?” What are the disadvantages?” Avoid closed questions such as: Avoid closed questions such as: ““Are you sad?” Are you sad?” ““Are you looking forward to the holidays?” Are you looking forward to the holidays?” Another disadvantage of closed questioning is that the desired Another disadvantage of closed questioning is that the desired

answer might be implied within the question and you might answer might be implied within the question and you might inadvertently steer the person to give an answer that they inadvertently steer the person to give an answer that they wouldn’t otherwise have given.  An example of this would be: wouldn’t otherwise have given.  An example of this would be:

““Are you going to stop obsessing about your addicted family Are you going to stop obsessing about your addicted family member because it is upsetting you so much?”member because it is upsetting you so much?”

The implied expected answer here is quite clearly “The implied expected answer here is quite clearly “yes”yes”. .

Being affirmingBeing affirming

To encourage the flow of conversation it is To encourage the flow of conversation it is important that you show respect by taking an important that you show respect by taking an accepting attitude.  accepting attitude. 

The message you are trying to get across is "I The message you are trying to get across is "I have respect for your opinions and your view of have respect for your opinions and your view of the world at this present time".  the world at this present time". 

This is not the same as saying that you agree This is not the same as saying that you agree with the client’s opinions or actions and it is okay with the client’s opinions or actions and it is okay for you to make it clear that your opinions and for you to make it clear that your opinions and moral view are different, as long as this is done in moral view are different, as long as this is done in a respectful way.a respectful way.

How to make it workHow to make it work

Do not turn your conversation into an Do not turn your conversation into an interrogation.  interrogation.  

However good you are at counseling some However good you are at counseling some people will not be ready to talk to you or people will not be ready to talk to you or want to talk to you.  want to talk to you.  

This does not mean that you have failed.  This does not mean that you have failed.  It might be that they will talk later or that It might be that they will talk later or that they will talk to a colleague of yours who they will talk to a colleague of yours who they know better or a colleague of the they know better or a colleague of the opposite sex.opposite sex.