Costambar Monthly April 2012

April 2012

Yenny’s MarketLoase Resort/Sam’s BarCatamaran Beach BarPascual’sSharky’s Bar & GrillMarLou’s RestaurantSyl’s PlaceBieke’s Bar

Supermercado TropicalBig Lee’s Beach BarEl Jardin y Algo MasRestaurant ChinoThe Meeting PlaceMaximillian’s Beach Bar

Chris & Mady’sOcean World Marina

Los Tres Cocos

What To Do This MonthEvent Quick Reference

Useful Telephone NumbersClassified Ads

Costambar Cable ChannelListing

The Rainy Day PageAnd Lots Of Other

Fun Stuff!!

Scientists studying the migration patterns of theNorth Coast Dominican Snowbird were pleasedto see that, after a few years of unusualmigratory behaviour, this year was back on trackto more normal patterns. They had been worriedthat the species was becoming endangered andwondered if they could blame global warmingfor this too.

But then scientists observed an anomaly indeparture pattern of one specific snowbird. Thisparticular species has been known for itsregular, dependable arrival and departure everyseason and had previously never been cause forconcern.

For more on this anomaly see page 4.

MIGRATION ANOMALY

Costambar Monthly page 2

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Fine dining at it’s best! Call809-993-4503 for details.

Sam’s at Loase Resort & Spa is making Sunday aspecial day. Starting at 10am with a breakfastbrunch, then escape the hassle of the beach byusing their pool facilities, playing free racquetballor bring a group and play some free wallyball.Now offering free rides home to patrons - you getthere,they’ll get you home! Don’t forget to makereservations for their Easter Dinner on April 8th.

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll findgreat food at great prices enjoyed with a milliondollar view! Every day they have PowerHour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. They alsohold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturdayof every month beginning at 10am. No cost tovendors!

Pascual’s on Costambar Beach specializes inseafood from their live lobster tank. EveryThursday is Romantic Night with guitar musicby the duo Los Reyes and Saturdays it’sKaraoke & a BBQ! Also available for partiesand events!

Big Lee’s Beach Bar is aiming to be the newhotspot on the Malecon in Puerto Plata. Try hissteamed hot dogs with all the fixings! Americanmusic and free popcorn! Look for the 7 footelectric palm tree! It’s Karaoke on April 10th from8pm!

Why not try El Jardin y Algo Mas for somethingdifferent? This month try their Tacos a laMargarita.

Sharky’s Bar & Grill in Costambar is bringing thefun times back to town! Hans is back with Dartson Tuesday nights! Wicked Wing Specials onWednesdays - RD$140/lb! Thirsty Thursdays withRD$45 rum drinks! Scary-oke with on Fridaynights! Super Saturday Spaghetti Special forRD$95! They have a Foosball Table, Pool Tableand Satellite TV for all sporting events. AND -Charo is in charge of the menu!

MarLou’s Restaurant has Karaoke on Saturdaysfrom 9pm.

Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food onthe North Coast! Eat in or take out. Twolocations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata andcalle Principal in Cabarete.

Syl’s Place has Happy Hour every day from 4-7pm. Fridays is her popular Fish & Chips/OnionRings. Sundays is ‘Everything Chili Day’! Bowls,fries and dogs! Grande beer specials all Easterweek!

Chris & Mady’s has all your favourite sportsincluding NFL and NHL! Try their seafood andlobster specials! Join them for Easter SundayDinner on April 8th from 6pm.

The Meeting Place has started their summerhours - Monday to Friday 2pm-5:30pm. Keepchecking their website for new activitiesthroughout the season. April has a great line-upof movies!

Why not visit Maximillian’s Beach Bar on themalecon in Puerto Plata!

Bieke’s Bar - the first bar in & the last bar outof Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambar’sBest Burger! Check out the blackboards for foodspecials during the week!

OPEN DAILYFROM 12 NOON

SATURDAYSBIEKE BURGERS!!

CHECK OURBOARD FOR

FOOD SPECIALS!

A woman and her little girl were visiting the graveof the little girl’s grandmother. On their waythrough the cemetery back to the car, the littlegirl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two peoplein the same grave?”“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Whywould you think that?”“The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyerand an honest man.’”


Power Hour 3X1 Cuba Libres at Catamaran 6-7pmHappy Hour at Syl’s Place 4-7pm

Darts with Hans at Sharky’s

Wicked Wing Special at Sharky’s

Romantic Night with live guitar music by Los Reyes atPascual’sThirsty Thursday at Sharky’s with RD$45 rum drinks

Fish & Chips at Syl’s PlaceScary-oke at Sharky’s

Karaoke at MarLou’s 9pmKaraoke & BBQ at Pascual’sBieke Burger Day at Bieke’s BarSuper Saturday Spaghetti Special at Sharkys RD$95

Flea Market at Catamaran

Breakfast Buffet at Sam’s at Loase from 10amChili Extravaganza at Syl’s Place

Grande Beer Specials at Syl’s Place

Easter Dinner at Chris & Mady’s 6pmEaster Dinner at Sam’s at Loase 2-7pm byreservation

Karaoke at Big Lee’s Beach Bar from 8pmCOME FOR THE GREAT FOODAT GREAT PRICES AND THE

MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

FLEA MARKET!!!EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH

FREE TO VENDORS!Starting at 10am

HAPPY HOUR!!!4-7pm

Cuba/Santo Libres 2X1Bohemia peq RD$45

Presidente peq RD$50Watch for Surprise Drink Specials!!!

SUNDAYS! ALL THINGS CHILI!BOWLS OF CHILI! CHILI DOGS!

CHILI CHEESE FRIES!FRIDAYS!!!!

FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!!

ALL EASTER WEEKSPECIALS ON GRANDE BEERS!!!!

Marriage requires commitment.So does insanity. Coincidence?


THIRSTY THURSDAYSRD$45 Rum Drinks!

TUESDAYSDarts with Hans!

FRIDAYSScary-oke!

WEDNESDAYS!Wicked Wing Specials

RD$140/lb

THURS & SATLive NHL Games!

SUPER SATURDAYSpaghetti Special!!

RD$95

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank andforced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On hisway out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbedthe hood and pulled it off revealing the robber'sface. The robber shot the customer without amoments hesitation. He then looked around thebank and noticed one of the tellers looking straightat him. The robber instantly shot him also.Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intentlydown at the floor in silence.The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see myface?"There are a few moments of utter silence in whicheveryone was plainly afraid to speak.Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand,and while keeping his head down said "My wifegot a pretty good look at you".

Outside of a dog, a bookis man's best friend.

Inside of a dog,it's too dark to read.

This popular snowbirddidn’t miss the boat but hedid miss his flight!

Now you’re probablythinking ‘Not such a bigdeal! It can happen.’ AndCM agrees - a flat tire, bad

traffic, any number of things can conspire tomake you just late enough to miss your flightcheck-in.

But it takes real effort to miss a flight by twodays!

Personally, CM thinks it probably just ‘don’d onhim that he wasn’t quite ready to go northagain. And who can blame him!

All we ask is please don’t miss your flight backdown next season!

NOT MENTIONING ANY NAMES BUT….

I tried sniffing Coke once,but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.


Restaurant ChinoBest Chinese Food Onthe North Coast! TwoGreat Locations! EatIn or Takeout!Xiang Wan JiaPlaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata809-261-5609Calle Principal, Cabarete809-571-0385

Open Only by Reservation of 4 or more people Calle Felix Nolasco #55, Urbanization Atlantica, Puerto Plata

809-261-0416/829-568-1475

Try OurTACOS

a laMARGARITA!

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weeklyoffering, the pastor of a small church found a pinkenvelope containing $1,000. It happened again thenext week!The following Sunday, he watched as the offeringwas collected and saw an elderly woman put thedistinctive pink envelope on the plate. This wenton for weeks until the pastor, overcome bycuriosity, approached her."Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put$1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated."Why, yes," she replied, "every week my son sendsme money, and I give some of it to the church."The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1,000is a lot; are you sure you can afford this? Howmuch does he send you?"The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."The pastor was amazed. "Your son is verysuccessful; what does he do for a living?""He is a veterinarian," she answered."That's an honorable profession, but I had no ideathey made that much money," the pastor said."Where does he practice?"The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada ... Hehas two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one inReno "

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heckof a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my carwaiting for us to go play golf, so forget about theanesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to getnumb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and bedone with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at thebest golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... Idon't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, thisis surely a very brave man asking to have histooth pulled without using anything to kill thepain."So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?The man turned to his wife and said, "Open yourmouth Honey, and show him......."


These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award.This is (said to be) given out in honor of GM's fiascoin trying to market the Nova car in Central andSouth America. "No va" in Spanish means, "ItDoesn't Go".

The Dairy Association's huge success with thecampaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expandadvertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to theirattention the Spanish translation read "Are YouLactating?"

Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish,where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electroluxused the following in an American campaign:"Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron,into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang formanure. Not too many people had use for the"Manure Stick."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa,they used the same packaging as in the US, with thesmiling baby on the label. Later they learned that inAfrica, companies routinely put pictures on thelabels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France calledCue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printedshirts for the Spanish market which promoted thePope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), theshirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation"translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors BackFrom the Grave" in Chinese.

The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as"Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or"Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on thedialect.Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find aphonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into"Happiness in the Mouth."

Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strongman to make a tender chicken," was translatedinto Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make achicken affectionate."

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen inMexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "Itwon't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Thecompany thought that the word "embarazar" (toimpregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "Itwon't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!"

When American Airlines wanted to advertise itsnew leather first class seats in the Mexican market,it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally,which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) inSpanish!

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EVERY THURSDAYRomantic Night with Live Guitar Music

by the duo Los ReyesEVERY SATURDAY

Karaoke & BBQ

10. Cats' facial expressions9. The need for the same style of shoes in differentcolors8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds7. Fat clothes6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat yourbest time5. The difference between beige, off-white, andeggshell4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow3. Eyelash curlers2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale evermadeAnd the number One thing only womenunderstand:1. OTHER WOMEN

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The busdriver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've everseen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the busand sits down, fuming. She says to a man next toher: “The driver just insulted me!”The man says: “You go right up there and tell himoff – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

We who have taught, or love children who havebeen taught, know this is funny!From the diary of a Pre-School TeacherMy five-year old students are learning to read.Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in azoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin'elephant!"I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did youcall it?""It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"And so it did..."A f r i c a n Elephant "Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Two man playing golf were held up by two womenplaying in front of them.One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them tohurry up."When he returned he said: "I have a problem, oneof the women is my wife and the other one is mymistress."The second man said: "I'll walk up to them andhurry them up."He came back and said: " We both have the sameproblem.”


www.bigleesbeachbar.com

Every day on the Ocean is another day in Paradise.

Spend today at Big Lee’s Beach BarOn the Malecon in Puerto Plata, 8th Casetta

Enjoy our:� up-close view of the Ocean,� our Hot Dogs on steamed buns,� our free Pop Corn, and� our Oldies Music - 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s.

KARAOKETuesday April 10th8pm till midnight

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had abeautiful daughter, the princess. But there was aproblem. Everything the princess touched wouldmelt. No matter what - metal, wood, stone,anything she touched would melt. Because of this,men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marryher. The king despaired. What could he do to helphis daughter? He consulted his wizards andmagicians. One wizard told the king, 'If yourdaughter touches one thing that does not melt inher hands, she will be cured.'The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.The next day, he held a competition. Any man whocould bring his daughter an object that would notmelt would marry her and inherit the king'swealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.The first brought a sword of the finest steel. Butalas, when the princess touched it, it melted. Theprince went away sadly .The second prince brought diamonds. He thoughtdiamonds are the hardest substance in the worldand would not melt. But alas, once the princesstouched them, they melted. He too was sent awaydisappointed.The third prince approached. He told the princess,'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is inthere.'The princess did as she was told, though sheturned red . She felt something hard. She held it inher hand. And it did not melt!!!The king was overjoyed. Everybody in thekingdom was overjoyed. And the third princemarried the princess and they both lived happilyever after.Question: What was in the prince's pants?M&M's of course.They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them intothe far north for elk hunting. They were quitesuccessful in their venture, and bagged six bigbulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick themup.They started loading their gear into the plane,including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said,"The plane can take out only four of your elk. Youwill have to leave two behind."One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last yearour pilot let us take out six elk. It was the samemodel plane, same weather conditions, andeverything. What's with this? We want you toallow us to fly out just like last year.Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to putall six elk aboard and the men all climbed in withtheir gear. But when they attempted to take offand fly out of the valley, the little plane could notmake it. They crashed in the wilderness.Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said tothe other, "Do you know where we are?""I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I thinkthis is about 100 yards further along than wherewe crashed last year!"


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The maid asked for a "pay raise".The wife was very upset about this and decidedto talk to her about the raise.She asked: "Now Maria, why do you think youshould get a pay increase?"Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why Iwanna increaze.""The first is that I iron better than you."Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."Wife: "Oh yeah?"Maria: "The second reason eez dat I am bettercook than you.Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cookthan me?"Maria: "Jor hozban did."Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did did he???"Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sexthan you in the bed."Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth."And did my husband say that as well?"Maria: "No Señora........ The gardener did."Wife: "So how much do you want?"

A turtle was walking down an alley in New Yorkwhen he was mugged by a gang of snails. A policedetective came to investigate and asked the turtleif he could explain what happened.The turtle looked at the detective with a confusedlook on his face and replied “I don't know, it allhappened so fast.”


SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

WEATHER

Across1. Reciprocal5. Defeat6. Feed7. Himalayan mount

Down1. Infuriate2. Speculation3. Mundane4. Hearing distance

BAROMETERBLIZZARDCELSIUSCLOUDSCOLDCYCLONEDOWNPOURDRIZZLEDROUGHTFAHRENHEIT

FLOODFLURRIESFOGFORECASTFREEZEFROSTHAILHOTHUMIDITYHURRICANE

ICELIGHTNINGMISTMONSOONOVERCASTRAINSHOWERSLEETSNOWSQUALL

STORMSUNNYTEMPERATURETHERMOMETERTHUNDERTORNADOTSUNAMITYPHOONVISIBILITYWINDY

Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid.The remaining letters spell a hidden message


Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761

Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERYKIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBO

1 Include Your Children When Baking Cookies2 Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, ExpertsSay3 Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers4 Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case5 Iraqi Head Seeks Arms6 Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?7 Prostitutes Appeal to Pope8 Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over9 British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands10 Teacher Strikes Idle Kids11 Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead12 Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told13 Miners Refuse to Work After Death14 Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant15 Stolen Painting Found by Tree16 Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years inCheckout Counter17 War Dims Hope for Peace18 If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last aWhile19 Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide20 Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge21 New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger TestGroup22 Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space23 Kids Make Nutritious Snacks24 Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half25 Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; HundredsDead

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?


BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGEPrecipitation

TENNISVilla Jasmin Court

Private Lessons- English & Spanish spokenSingles, Weekend Pick-Up DoublesReasonable PricesSpecial Beginners Introductory Lesson- Group(s) of Six RD$50 eachChildren’s Groups (5yrs & up)

CALL ISAIAS829-705-2913

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday,So I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!"Forget that," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."


Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology,Acupressure, & Hot StonePhysical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic DrainageManicure & Pedicure: Regular & IntensiveBraids & Hair Extensions & Mens HaircutsFacials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse ServicesNatural Health & Beauty ProductsASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS.Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointmentService to the home. Transportation available.#14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

Health Insurance

RD$955 Includes DentalRD$1190 with Drugs

Big Lee’s Beach Bar, Puerto Plata 5pmBieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pmOr call Petra & Marcel Bahr1-809-885-2155NOTE FOR APRIL 2012 PAYMENTS!!!April payments may be made in advance on March 6Or at Banco Leon S.A.Account owner: Ingeburg Ohlrog (Treas. of the IRC)Current account number: 65 66 11PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR NAME & KEEP RECEIPT ASEVIDENCE OF PAYMENT!

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday nightand have dinner with her parents. This being a bigevent, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, shewould like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well,the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, sohe takes a trip to the pharmacist to get someprotection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about anhour. He tells the boy everything there is to knowabout protection and doing it. At the register, thepharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists onthe family pack because he thinks he will be verybusy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boyshows up at the girl's parent's house and meets hisgirlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you tomeet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside andis taken to the dinner table where the girl's parentsare seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace andbows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deepin prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass andstill no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans overand whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you wereso religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I hadno idea your father was a pharmacist."

On opening his new store, a man received abouquet of flowers. He became dismayed onreading the enclosed card, that it expressed"Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over themessage, his telephone rang. It was the florist,apologizing for having sent the wrong card. "Oh,it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm abusinessman and I understand how these thingscan happen." "But," added the florist, "I accidentallysent your card to a funeral party." "Well, what didit say?" ask the storekeeper. "'Congratulations onyour new location'." was the reply.


Mundo Electronico

Repairs ofLCD Plasma Toasters Blenders Fans StovesCalle San Felipe #30, Puerto Plata

MURDER AT SHOP N SAVETired of constantly being broke and stuck in anunhappy marriage, a young husband decided tosolve both problems by taking out a largeinsurance policy on his wife with himself as thebeneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with anefarious dark-side underworld figure who wentby the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to thehusband that his going price for snuffing out aspouse was $10,000.The husband said he was willing to pay thatamount but that he wouldn't have any cash onhand until he could collect his wife's insurancemoney. Artie insisted on being paid at leastsomething up front, so the man opened his wallet,displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantlyagreed to accept the dollar as down payment forthe dirty deed.A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife tothe local Shop N Save supermarket. There, hesurprised her in the produce department andproceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands.As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her lastbreath and slumped to the floor, the manager ofthe produce department stumbled unexpectedlyonto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave anyliving witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice butto strangle the produce manager as well.However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedingswere captured by the hidden security cameras andobserved by the shop's security guard, whoimmediately called the police. Artie was caughtand arrested before he could even leave thepremises.Under intense questioning at the police station,Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including hisunusual financial arrangements with the haplesshusband who was also quickly arrested.The next day in the newspaper, the headlinedeclared...'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Shop N Save'

My fantasy is to havetwo men at once.

One cooking. One cleaning.

The Beer PrayerOur lager,

Which art in barrels,Hollowed be thy drink.

I will be drunk,At home as in the travern.

Give us this day our foamy head,And forgive us our spillages,

As we forgive those who spill againstus.

And lead us not into incarceration,But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer. The bitter and Thelager

Forever and ever,Barmen.


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SOUND RENTAL

Life Comes a Full CircleAt age 4, success is.....not wetting your pants.At age 12, success is... having friends.At age 16, success is... having a driver's license.At age 20, success is... having sex.At age 35, success is... having money.At age 50, success is... having money.At age 60, success is... having sex.At age 70, success is... having a driver's license.At age 75, success is... having friends.At age 80, success is... not wetting your pants.

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelinesfor a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butchergoes to the lawyer's office and asks, “If a dogrunning unleashed steals a piece of meat from mystore, do I have a right to demand payment for themeat from the dog's owner?” The lawyer answers,“Absolutely.” “Then you owe me $8.50. Your dogwas loose and stole a roast from me today.” Thelawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a checkfor $8.50 (attorneys don't carry cash). Severaldays later, the butcher opens the mail and finds anenvelope from the lawyer: It was a bill for $100 fora consultation!


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Services AvailableBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COASTOpen Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm

And By AppointmentCall George (Lettuce)

809-543-8041Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert

(In front of PARADA DINAMICA)“Just past the fish places”

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'mgoing to become a lion tamer."The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't knownothing about no lion taming.""Yes I do!""Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lionscomes at you all roaring and biting, what yougonna do?""Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and Istick it in his face until he backs down.""Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, andhooks the chair with them big claws, and throwsthat chair out of the cage? What do you do then?""Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and Iwhip him and whip him until he backs down.""Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his bigteeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna dothen?""Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and Ishoot him.""Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What willyou do then?""Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on thebottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and Irun out of the cage.""Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom ofthe cage? What you gonna do then?""Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me,and he throws the chair out of the cage, and hebites the whip in two, and my gun don't work,there's going to be some shit on the bottom of thatcage, you can bet on that."

When NASA first started sending up astronauts,they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens wouldnot work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion todevelop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upsidedown, underwater, on almost any surface includingglass and at temperatures ranging from belowfreezing to 300°C.The Russians used a pencil.

"My wife suggested a book for meto read to enhance our relationship.

It's titled:'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'"

Thousands of years ago,cats were worshipped as gods.Cats have never forgotten this.


Ricart Garcia & Assoc.

Lic. R. Margarita Ricart G.Lawyer-Abogado

Cubicle 7-A, Plaza Turisol, Puerto Plata, Rep. Dom.Office 809-244-4519 Cel. 809-757-0814

Email: [email protected]

Specializing in contract law - cedulas, real estate, vehicles

Court appearances for civil/legal suits

Appointments at your residence or our office

FOR SALE/RENT/TRADE� In Plaza Turisol, main street Puerto Plata to

Sosua� Spaces from 269sq ft to 3300 sq ft� Top location, plenty of parking� Ideal for offices, stores, gyms or ?� Reasonable prices

FOR MORE INFORMATIONRoyd Jantzen 809-970-7616

Jorge Fernandez 809-669-7660

Fully furnished one bedroom apartmentLocated in Costambar.

Includes internet, cable tv, electricity and propaneOnly $400 US monthly.

Pool and laundry facilities for your use as well.Located two minute walk to the beach.

Email [email protected] for details.Apartments for Rent

Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals!Just ask Max!

Office 809-970-7312Cell 809-251-8679

Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

Maximilian’sBEACH BAR

First Casetta at Long BeachMalecon, Puerto Plata, R.D.Cell: 809-251-8679

Three engineering students were gatheredtogether discussing the possible designers of thehuman body. One said, "It was a mechanicalengineer. Just look at all the joints."Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous system has many thousands ofelectrical connections."The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Whoelse would run a toxic waste pipeline through arecreational area?"


CLASSIFIEDSLIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? ORUSING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THENWHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S NEW FLEA MARKET ATTHE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAYOF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!!

FOR SALE33foot sailboat, Glander Tava-na class yawl, good condition/minor work needed, less than1500 hours on new 20 horseKuboto engine and trans. AMUST SEE!Located in Luperon bay. CallSean @ (809) 782-2534.

Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only beplaced by emailing [email protected] calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items.Commercial properties or enterprises (including realestate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds willusually be run for one month only unless we are otherwisenotified.

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS)Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm

Everything you need from snacks to supper!Delivery Service Available!

Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate)809-970-3028

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you toservices every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are inSpanish. Children activities. Before Costambar GateSecurity, turn on the right side toward the powerplant, 100 meters on the right side.

FOR SALELeaving country! Everythingmust go! Living room set,white ratan 1st. quality3seater, 2seater and rockingchair. Toyota Corolla 1993 topcondition AC, AutomaticRD$150,000. NEGOTIABLEMUCH MORE!!809 261 8981 morningsFOR SALE1999 Chevrolet Blazer. Goodcondition. Automatic. Sandcolor. New brake job. Asking$5000.-USD809-970-7437 (Costambar)FOR SALESentry Fire Safe 2 cu ftElectronic and Key LockOriginal price US$400 Saleprice US$200 or make an offer!Weighs 200 lbs and can bebolted to floorContact [email protected]

WANTED"Karaoke business looking foran assistant with experiencesas a DJ. Dominican welcome!for contacts call 809 988 1322after 2.30 PM."

FOR SALEAlante Electric Wheelchair 24volt Excellent condition withlittle use. Original price overUS$5000 Will sell for US$1000English 809-360-8552Spanish 809-970-7522 or 809-993-2944

WANTEDExercise bike. call Mark on829-712-8189

FOR SALEKeyboard USB GN Multimediablack, Mouse GN USBblack,Cable PowerSupply/monitor, SpeakersKLIPX KSS-310, Monitor LCDRFB 17´´ flatscreen, COM A P43.4/1GB with new office ChairVIS. 4010 Blue fabricwith new Computer tabledesk/slide. 13,000RDnegotiablecontact: 809- 261 6816 [email protected]

FOR SALE2010 model BIC JUNGLEHYBRID 3 in 1 design Sailboard,Surfboard, SUP stand uppaddleboard. 10ft 10inches,28" width. Like New condition.Lots of extras!!! 6.0 Cruiser fullbatten sail. Mast, 2 sections foreasy storage in bag with sail.Boom. Daggerboard.Adjustable skeg. SUPadjustable paddle. "DAKINE"harness. BIC harness lines.surfboard leash.Brand new"ON A MISSION"board bag($250.00 USD value)$2200.00 USD.Located Luperon,809-517-0949

FOR SALE2000 Toyota StarletRD$180,000Tel 809-970-0581 Cell 829-965-7542/829-465-2140FOR SALECar: Mitsubishi L200, diesel,year 2005, 76,000 km, incl.Full insurance till April 2012,very good conditions, Germanmaintained, new rear brakes,trailer coupling, and muchmoreMotorcycle YAMAHA SEROW225ccm,TRIAL, German main-tained, looks like new!Open fishing motorboat, 22feet, year 2010, Tohatsu 40horsepower and Tohatsu 9.8horsepower, specialize for biggame fishing!Call for prices: 849 886 1266Located in Luperon


When you are feeling nostalgic come to…‘Play It Again’

Much of What You Loved About Sam’sIn Costambar!

At Loase

Tues to Sat 12pm-8pm???Sunday 10am-8pm???

Closed MondaysCall for reservations if you want to eat

later than 8pm

FREE RIDE HOME FORCOSTAMBAR RESIDENTS

EATING AND/OR DRINKINGAT SAM’S! YOU GET HERE,

WE’LL GET YOU HOME!CALL FOR DETAILS

CasaObear/LoaseVilla

LoaseResort

Cal

le S

anch

ez

Ocean

SUNDAYSOpen 10am for

Breakfast BrunchAnd Full Menu

GREAT MENU + SPECIALS!FISH & CHIPS RD$200

MEAT LOAFCURRIES & MORE!

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

Easter Dinner with reservations2pm-7pm

Come and swim, play free racquetball,handball and wallyball!

Come give it a try and get away from thenoise and hassle of the beach!

Sam’s

Costambar Monthly April 2012

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Transcript of Costambar Monthly April 2012