Copy of Pupils Book

8/14/2019 Copy of Pupils Book

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Introduction

Over a time I have been inspired by others to write of my trials and experiences of life

and child development and how I applied the wisdom and knowledgeable experience

of old age to my young knowledge and my young family. In this book i the author try

to be self critical of my experiences and have used a book of research on child

development to help me through my difficult times. The book I refer to is backed up

by psychology research studies and, as all books set the scene in the first chapter so

to does this one but it was necessary to be technical therefore the first chapter of

this book reads a little like a text book. This however will enable you the reader to

realise that all parents are not necessarily good or bad at their job. Rather the case that

all adults parenting skills are carried out to peoples best abilities with the knowledgethey have, there childhood as guidance and the advice they have been given. This

book will enhance and further your knowledge regarding babies and parenting skills

and put to rest any old wifes tails, it will also reveal that every baby is born with a

different personality that needs developing and guiding.

With this in mind I have deliberately used and explained technical terms to enable

you, the reader to be able to understand why a child is behaving in a particular

manner and how (if you feel it necessary wish) you can steer your child into a more

desirable and productive behavioural pattern. The knowledge I refer to in this book is

not old hat or modern hypnosis, it is straight forward comprehension of cause and

effect and if applied will enable your child to aim at being a confident successful

person.In this book I endeavour to make it apparent that the most important aspect of a

childs development is to display at all time continuity, unity and nature and nurture

and be aware of cause and effect, put simply Mum and dad stick together and dont

allow your child to play one off against the other and to encourage your child. All

too often a Parent will reprimand there child because of an effect, (eating sweets at the

wrong time) when the cause, (you left the sweets out) is your doing. Further I explain

the cause and effect of the terrible twos and how, ironically, it can actually be fun!

I hope that reading this gives you the piece and harmony with your children, when

you have one.

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W1 Babies do come with a hand book

Chapter 1

I know all there is to know and the last thing I need is the likes of midwifes, parents

and in laws telling me how to bring up my child. Well that was what I believed then

but to know then what I know now and now it was late to fix the damage done to my

baby, I thought.

It was one of the most proud days of my life, I became a parent, our babys room was

now all set up ready for our child. Of course I didnt need tuition in rearing my child Ihad a nice childhood so, I just duplicate what my parents did, was I so wrong. I did

not realise all children have there own personalities. Some are extroverts, others are

introverts yet they all have one thing in common, they copy there parents.

After being loaned a book on child development by a friend I was overwhelmed and

to my regret shamed once I read about the development of children. In this book

research and studies had been carried out on the development of children and their

parents and it revealed that how the parent was brought up dictated how they would

bring their children up. This for me was confusing because I had a happy childhood

therefore my little darling should be the same, theoretically but there was my wifes

childhood to be entered into the equation and how we interacted in front of our child.

I was like many new parents going through the delights of highs and lows, I thoughtfor the first two years I was doing alright. I had been warned about the terrible

twos and they were coming, when they came tantrums did not come in to it my

little darling was becoming a monster who had no respect for me, would not do what

she was told and unless I did what she wanted it screamed. By this time I was so

mad and frustrated all I could do was call my flesh and blood it. Where we were did

not matter she through a tantrum unless she got her own way. Life was a living hell

and she had a radar, the moment she noticed marital difficulties off it went I want,

you give, or I WILL scream and scream and punch and smash the house up until I get

my way.

I was accustomed to seeing parents like myself walking about with there childrenholding there heads down in shame rather than in pride hoping people didnt see

their children instead of Wanting them to. Constantly expecting degrading

criticism about my parenting skills was making me paranoid and house bound, I

didnt want to be seen out with my child. I would often as I walked past the local

school see parents trying to sneak in and out hoping not to be associated with there

child and being called into school by the Headmaster. Oh how I was hoping that I

would not become one of those types of parents. I would often think of ways to work

with my child to improve her behaviour, I knew that certain drinks and foods sent her

hyper active but, apart from banning her from these drinks and foods what could I do.

It was down to my parenting and my wisdom (and that can only be achieved through

age and experience) or was my child in need of medical assistance.

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W2

In desperation I spoke to a friend who was twice my age and had two young ladiesfor children, he if anyone I thought would have wisdom and experience. He told me

about the attachment theory; we discussed the evidence provided as to whether or not

attachment theory provides a sound basis for advice on how to bring up children and

on the strength of that research, my brain was off on a tangent. How right my friend

was as I read the book the words jumped out at me, these researchers gave varied

opinions into how the theory of attachment contrasts for both child and adult

accordingly. In the book the elaboration and contrast of the attachment theory

overwhelmed me. This book covered cause and effect of security and insecurity

behaviourism leading to mid life attachment and revealed the attachment theory to be

sound advice showing me exactly where I was going wrong with my baby, the first of

which was that I wouldnt sit and listen to my daughter.

The more I read I began to wonder can a child ever be shown too much attention.

Surely (I thought) if it screams I can pacify the child with a lot of attention. That way

I can work out what she wants and give her whatever she wants. The further I read the

attachment theory *1 I found that the research into child development had two central

issues, continuity and nature vs nurture. These words alone I needed to research

least of all the attachment theory, once I became aware that nature was what it was

born with and nurture was what I gave I was left with continuity. This one was a bit of

a shock yet so obvious, children continue to learn, and my first lesson was to stop

calling my child it as that apparently was not a good thing to do as it would

destroy her self confidence. Although within these issues the quantity of attention

was believed to affect the out come of the child the theories that influence nature vs

nurture covered many areas.

The social growth and how ones interaction develops had to have a starting point, this

for my baby was found within its genetic nature and a thing called a first relationship

(carer). Surprisingly this is one of the most important things in a childs life, as if it

were starting with a blank slate. From this a child only has its genetic nature, then,

from a first relationship interaction a child can elaborate with social behaviour

and develop there personality. It is at this point continuity can be absorbed from the

nature and nurture, social living environment and become prosperous, yet if the firstrelationship is a person not having continual interaction of physical, social and

environmental elementsthere is a possibility of the infants continuity being damaged

permanently. The quantity of attention is disputed as for me the most important aspect

of child rearing is to for fill my childs individual genetic natures and nurture. This

was where I realised that I had to encourage my babys interests and emotionally

reward my baby for doing well and trying. If we are separated from our children

during the first couple of years it is considered detrimental thus in my case it activated

my childs attachment ques of performing, my child like others became curious as to

what was around the corner and strayed off. I soon came to realise that as she is

growing older my child will be in pursuit of furthering her continuity and identity

although needing the security of knowing her parents are there for her.*1 see page 29

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W3

It was when half way through the book I became aware that at this stage my babyactually held its self consciousness and identity as being me! This was were, if

something needed to be retrieved from the floor such as toys she would presume that

my arms were hers and want me to pick up. This was a real eye opener for me

because, when my baby would not do what I said I used to shout, my baby would cry

and sulk so I would shout more. In this manner the attachment theory gave me good

advice for child rearing due to its broad coverage of cause and effect. From the offset

I was bemused flattered and frustrated that my little infant would not leave my

side, this however is the attraction behaviour of attention seeking . OH how the

heavens opened and bright lights shun, yet by now for me and mine it was to late. I

had lost the critical first year of age to form a relationship and bond with my baby.

It was apparent from research that, up to five months old a childs needs for intensity

is not as great as from the age of five to sixteen months. Actually this point a child

needs to form a strong development and the utmost attention normally found by the

carer/ mother. After this period for the first few years of life a child will endeavour to

seek intensity within responses to personal relationships away from the initial

carer. This is demonstrated in my friends book by reflecting observations of fostered

children, where by children fostered before they were five months old were more

developed in social skills and cognition than those of a later age. These children were

finding social, sensory and cognitive skills lacking in comparison. Most importantly

for a child up to two years of age is the need to be given love and attention from

the figure head of the fist relationship. This will establish the childs emotional

development and stability in future life and allow it to duplicate these emotions

through out development. This for children outside a nuclear family (2.5 children) is

difficult and affects a childs ability to form trusting, loving relationships as not all

children will have had the fortune of such emotional stability. They can end up being

the child in school who is the social misfit a worry guts or very slow to learn needing

special lessons, an introvert or even cover up there differences by being an extrovert.

The quality of mother-child relationship in the book (categorised in Ainswoths

strange situations) showed that the quality of care towards a child reflects the

mother-child relationship in later life. In this light for a child to develop self worthand confidence it will require a cooperative and understanding mother. The books

researcher looked into a childs reaction towards their carer/mother when the

carer/mother left the child in a room with a stranger. The research found types,

either a seeking of contact, maintenance of contact, an avoidance of contact or

resistance of contact. This research was, for me a shock, to realise how detrimental a

bad word or reaction can cause endless damage to the child I love.

The findings were anxious/ avoidant. This type of child will only half heartedly

acknowledge the parent on their return or the stranger in the room, this is considered

as an insecure attachment.

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Alternatively, during this period the child who has little to do with the stranger in the

room and derives little comfort from the stranger until the parent returns is a secure

attachment. During this the child cries for the carer, mother, is easily comforted by

them on their return and stays in close proximity to them.

Another measure of insecure attachment is where the child will resist comforting yet

seeks a close proximity to the parent on return. Some children may reveal anger at thecarer for leaving them resist Solis from a stranger and, overall appear to be not

bothered at being left. This Type is anxious/ ambivalent.

Further tests in the book found Child abuse and social risk. This is found to be largely

due to pathological carers. The children appear to be dazed and confused and have no

logical system of dealing with separation and reunion. This form of attachment is

considered as disorganized attachment and will reflect in their social-emotional

welfare.

In my friends book I found varied works however they both agree on one issue, this

being the biological roots and the need for parents to protect children from danger.

Although universally there are cultural indifferences such as attitudes towards daycare the attachment theory is applicable for universal advice on bringing up children.

What I did find surprisingly shocking was that the use of day care centres for children

less than three years of age would result in permanent damage to the emotional

health of a future generation. This point however was countered after thorough

reviews offering little support for the claim that day care disrupts the childs ties to its

mother. This made me think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel because, by

now I was feeling very low with my parenting skills (and yet it is all so obvious when

its in front of you) I thought to myself. These windows of possible insecurity had I

realised, in the attachment theory studied guide lines of cause and effect. Dependant

upon the sinario displayed by a child and being aware of the parental history,

solutions and advice could be given to improve the childs/parents life style.

Therefore if a parent has a genetic history of over caring/ smothering there children

the continuity and nature/nurture of the child and its social behaviour can be

monitored and altered accordingly to what is considered normal (socially

acceptable) dependant upon its culture.

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W4It gradually became so obvious to me that these varieties of attachment theories have

a cause and long term effect, can a child be shown too much attention. I began to

realise that too much attention restricts a child from developing its own identity and

personality. The important period is of five to sixteen months where a child needs the

attention and yet during the period of two years and older the child must be allowed to

seek its own response and intensitys. This is where parenting and parents must

not enforce their identity onto the child thus making the child a copy of the

parent. This same situation (I realised) could be found in the childs adolescent years

where the child is open to peer manipulation and may well copy friends. Although the

excessive attention is supplying the child with physiological and cognitive stimulation

I didnt realise that there was a risk of social and emotional damage. It didnt take melong (rightly or wrongly) to put my lovely child in a type and it set me thinking what

TYPE am I and what could I do to correct it if needs be. Alternatively I could ignore

my childs symptomatic behaviour and leave it to become a typeor worst still for me

to become socially pathological.

These researched theoriesinto nuclear familiesand the resulting adults who come

from these childhoods will in turn have there own issues dependant upon thenature,

nurture and continuity derived from there own childhood and first relationship. The

physiological, emotional, social and cognitive aspects, through the guide lines of

attachment theories do prove the ideal strategy of child rearing and the desired effects.

By using the attachment theorys I was learning cause and affect my eyes were

opened and I began to learn about myself (what type I was) and what I was

passing on, genetically inherent attributes from parent to child! (This hadnt

taken into account my childs innate personality though) The study in this book

has four attachment responses applicable to adults which were noted; 1] autonomous-

secure 2] dismissing-detached 3] preoccupied-entangled 4] unresolved-disorganised.

The response found in number one was that these people held a value on friends and

felt free to express themselves. In number two the dismissing-detached were just that,

they detached from relationships and dismissed attachment. Reciprocates of number

three were dependent on there parents and lived to please them. Number four are

people who are living in an unresolved mourning period for there attachment figureconceivably caused by neglect, trauma or separation. The children of these people are

insecure/ disorganised when outside there normal environment.

This eye opener set me thinking what and where is my babys innate concept

of self consciousness, identity *2 and where in society would my child stand,

more over what effects will this have upon any childs socio cultural abilities and

therefore there self esteem. I was nearing the end of the book when it struck me

that children have to figure out what gender they are and how that effects there

play in developing self awareness, self esteem and where in society they slot in.

Did they see themselves as aggressive or shy, an introvert or an extrovert? The

most important thing I found children needed was a role model who will give

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guide lines, love and set an example to them on how to develop relationships,

(thats a lot to learn in so few years i thought).

*2 see page 30

I reflected on the book, I should behave in front of my baby when children

copy what they see I could not discipline my baby for copying me, I made a

mental note.

The significance (I thought) behind the theory of attachment showed great credence

towards child rearing for prospective parents/carer who would become a childs first

relationship. The theoretical significance leads me to pursue the methods behind

alternative attachment theories and features within the topics identified in the book.

The study showed me an interesting contrast of cause and effect in later life and how

behavioural patterns are past on through generations. Therefore the attachment

theory and the evidence provided would give me good advice for bringing up my

children and how to understand them, also the possible genetic behavioural

patterns and how to overcome them. For a first time carer/parent the study of

the attachment theory would (for both child and carer) answer my questionssuch as can a child ever be shown too much attention and find the answer to be

of a great benefit. I became aware of my child becoming a dependant character

throughout life and I also would stand a chance of affecting the next generation of

genetics if I didnt alter the TYPE i came from. Both baby and I had to change, I had

to learn to nurture and encourage continuity and nature (though I thought to late) and

my adorable child had to learn all over again. This book to me and my child was a

true God send, it clearly showed what is best to do for the child, how to do it and what

happens if you do or dont thus proving the attachment theory a sound basis for

advice on how to bring up children.

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W5 What was it my parents told me?

CHAPTER 2

I was by this time still concerned, knowing how and what are the best researched

methods to aid child rearing was one thing but by now it was more than apparent that

damage had been done and some sort of correction was needed, (if only I could turn

the clock back). I devised a plan, if I started to review the book again from the

research and recognise my down falls as a character I would appreciate where

and hopefully why I had gone wrong. This was a very hard task, for every time I

read the research and recognised a down fall I would instantly (in my mind) come up

with a counter argument and deny the down fall as being mine. After all I was then

only a child myself and what happened to me was a result of my parents parentingand the society we were all involved with at that time.

It was at that very moment of excusing myself when I recalled my father saying to me

everything we have and do will be passed onto the next generation of children, we

are like links in a chain, yet the chain is only as strong as the weakest link. When

my father passed this immortal analogy onto me I already thought I knew ever thing

therefore I never bothered with it. Yet, in a week moment whilst looking for answers

this analogy had to come back and haunt me. What did my father mean links then,

just as I was beginning to relax and have five minuets to myself, right on cue, my

baby screamed. Normally my reaction to that noise is oh no not again whats it after

now but then it dawned on me, thats the link. I was in shock and my mind went offin a thousand places (none of them nice) link, link, I link, link, that word almost

became a chant I visualised a chain link and I visualised my baby, wheres the

connection Dad I muttered. Dad was no longer around to help me unfortunately and I

did not know of books of analogies so I knew I was, again on my own with it.

That night I sat at the table with my partner and spoke of links and chains. The

expression I received at first made me think I was mad, ive finally cracked under

babys demands and tantrums I screamed, then, my partner sat back and just stared at

me. What a clever man your dad have I missed a punch line here, what have I

missed out on I thought what your dad meant was he and your mum are the

first link, what they taught you, you will teach baby, baby will teach next

generation and so on, thats the chain. So what of the week link, I asked, easy,

if we dont stop baby misbehaving the next generation will behave like baby

does. Oh no what a daunting thought, we just sat and starred at each other as it

sunk in.

It took me a very long time and made me very distraught; my partner who could

understand what was going on tried to explain further. Very later on that night after

sorting bed time out for our baby I began to explain to my partner what I had

recognised in the book and, with my fathers links how it had opened up a long

suppressed past. It was not nice realising that my babys behaviour was the result of

my childhood, I new then that nothing would change for us and our baby unless Ichanged. I vowed that night that, come the morning I would be a different person.

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W6

The following morning came and so did my regular groom in the mirror, I stood and

stared into my eyes todays the day I thought to myself, new person new life. I kept

everything crossed that I would be strong enough to stand up to my baby and showthe way forward, more so that my partner would be strong if not stronger to adapt to

change.

The first of these changes was to understand the terrible twos what had gone

wrong this really was the beginning of our down fall my cute little baby had become a

monster, so did I. Having been warned about the terrible twos I took no notice it

wont happen to my child but- once I understood that by two children have a

grasp of language, they just dont know how to speakit I remembered being

abroad. I only wanted a drink yet it ended up as a grand inquisition for ten minuets, it

was at this time I realised how frustrating it must be for children not to be understood.

How do infants come to understand and produce their first words I pondered in the

mirror. Whilst inside me my child was susceptible to being coherent to what i spoke

and what people next to me said hence once born my child had an innate aptitude

towards communication. This being the case by being spoken to my babys aptitude is

furthered and, once my child grasped the ability of communicating baby became

inquisitive whats that she would say, then the production of actual speech began

to follow.

To have a comprehension of words before being able to produce them must have been

acquired through being spoken to and having attention drawn to the spoken topic like

pointing to the written word when I read a story book.

At the beginning my baby started pointing, gazing and picking up then my baby

started babbling words and picking up things to draw attention to what she wished to

speak of. However at four months my baby, through vocalization began to vocally

play with familiar sounds. It was at that point in the production of the spoken word

that speech streams began by beginning to play at production through repetition,

association and attempted speech. Between the age of eight months and sixteen

months word comprehension began and baby came to understand and produce her

first words.

My babys use of words was, from the off set predominantly a copy of myconversations. The first words baby spoke were of objects and names by starting to

point and ask whats that. This is where social interaction was of a great

importance to my babys production and progression of spoken words.

Through carefully watching my lips to see how the spoken word was being formed

and asking the name of an article my baby through repetition and usage begin to form

the spoken word. Although to start with these words were abbreviated (banana

becoming nana) this was a major step up from babbling.

The next stage that came was for both me and my baby to understand each other;

this was very confusing as some words were used in different contexts and adaptation.For example, nana could be grandma or banana as to my first words were baby

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talk, (maternal speech) both me and my baby had to completely re learn/ teach

the language again. This in turn influenced the language development of my

baby. With out the foundation of comprehension my baby struggled to come to an

understanding of and be able to produce her first words. The problem for both me and

my baby was that Teddy had four friends and when i said get Teddy she didnt

know which one to go for. As baby did not realise that, in essence all bears are calledTeddy that was until she was of an age to be aware of definition then she called her

favourite Teddy nowe. Although this emphasises the flexibility and problems

contextual use can cause it also revealed the importance of definition when

talking to my baby for this was partly how baby come to understand and

produce her first words.

The starting point for me should (I came to realise) have been to explain everything

and answer all of those aggravating whys I was asked (even when baby couldnt

talk,) because without an understanding of a situation all babies natural

inquisitiveness leads them to push and push until it is explained after all thats how

they learn or they are told to shut up.

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W7

Whilst walking down stairs to make breakfast I started thinking and planning the day,

it was then at that very moment I came to understand the importance ofcommunication for both me and baby, I could understand why baby had

tantrums and I would blow up. No good now I thought but at least I could follow

the down hill pattern we had been on. A clean blank slate I thought to myself, the past

has gone and damage is done, no more self denial either. Between my partner, me and

my baby we all had to start a fresh routine, a structured life where by we all spoke

our minds and stuck to what we said the hardest part though would be standing up

to our little monster who when all said is only that way because of what and how we

brought our baby up.

The breakfast table was very quiet that was to say until our sweet little darling baby

kicked off, I just sat there looking. Sarah, (I spoke very quietly) Sarah darlingchild of mine. To our surprise our baby responded by being quiet as she sat there

looking at me Mummy and Daddy and Sarah are going to start a new game today,

GAME she shouted, (in her own way) I love games not this one I thought to

myself. What is it, tell me now, what do I get OHH I nearly said a thick ear but I

stopped myself just in time when a certain page of the book flashed by my memory.

This game Sarah is called consequences she just stared at me but before we start

our game we need to put all your toys into the toy box. Surprisingly enough after

breakfast she went of and did just that, when she came back however it was a

different story. Done it give me my present now OH how I bit my tongue now

Sarah (keep it calm and quiet I thought to myself) when Mummy and Daddy ask

you to do something it is because we want you to help us, if you can do that then

we can help you, do you understand the look said it all then what do I get. I

glanced over at my wife for help, sitting there with her biggest smile yet she said

remember!! uh we have to stand up to her and tell her what to do, why she

should do it and what will happen if she doesnt otherwise she will become out of

control and in prison before she leaves school. Women and the battle of wills I

thought to myself hormones are next Dad thanks a lot love I said sarcastically.

Sarah love, let me explain this game another way, when you get board you get into

trouble dont you yep and Mum and me have to tell you off dont we yep SO

when you play at school in PE you all work together in a team dont you yep.Well what we are going to do is give you jobs to do so that you help us, like a

team. When we ask you to do something you do it for Mum and me that means we

will have time to take you out so that your not board getting into trouble, good ah.

What if I dont thats what our game is about hu consequences? It means if you

wont help us you have to give us your best toy from the toy box I looked at my wife

who was looking at me Ahh, I hate this game screamed Sarah.

By this time we had finished breakfast so the game began. Guess what, I tell you

now Sarah stop screaming and clean the table please that will help us, and then all of

us will have time to go to the park. This was as time and days progressed a real

battle of wills, Sarahs wills and plenty of wants but, like all things as time progressedso did her attitudes; we were at last beginning to become a happy family who

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understood each other. The maddening thing is that on reflection these past years of

torment could have been avoided if only my wife and I spent time to explain and

listen to Sarah and, more so stick together when we asked Sarah to do something,

such as going to bed. I thought of the times I belittled my wife by allowing Sarah

an extra five minuets only adding to Sarahs attitude and our problems.

That night my wife and I sat down to reflect, what started as a sombre moment where

we both just sat and looked at each other over the kitchen table suddenly transformed

into hysterics. What made it even more amusing was that neither of us had said a

word to each other it was for me the look on my wifes face that said if I knew it was

that straight forward followed with what felt like one of my stupid grins. Monkey

see monkey do we started laughing again but we both knew that our indifferences

must never be seen by Sarah again.

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W8 How could we fix it?

CHAPTER THREE

It took long hard weeks but finally we had achieved the impossible, Sarah was

behaving herself and wanting to do jobs for us. Our board child was no longer a

naughty child; she was a child who had something to do and a purpose for doing it.

Ironically Sarah was getting satisfaction and happiness out of helping us help her,

the miserable unhappy sulky little brat had become a happy little girl who didnt ask

for something every time we went shopping and valued what treats we did get her-

she even said thank you. Equally and as important my wife and I had realised the

mistakes we were making and where we had been letting Sarah down, when all saidand done dont we all like to be thanked for helping someone. Shorly then does

not a child deserve the same gratitude, this simple action changed Sarah attitude

and behaviour, the understanding family being a team working together.

This attitude change luckily was just in time before she started school for her school

friends were just like Sarah used to be. To look at the other parents and there

children pulling and screaming like Sarah used to do sent a chill down my spine,

it often left me wondering if I should tell people about the book I read and acted

upon but hay who likes a stranger telling them there doing it wrong after all its

nothing to do with me, right. That was right until someone got at my little girl then as

all proud fathers do thy step in a say something, the only problem was how is it bestsaid for the utmost impact.

It was then it hit me, that night after putting Sarah to bed I sat down with my wife and

spoke of my concerns, fears and feelings. There was a quiet still in the air as we sat

there looking at each other, me wandering what my wife was thinking and thinking I

recognise that look on your face darling. Together without any prompting we both

looked over at the book and then at each other smiling as we did. We hadnt spoken to

each other and yet we both knew tomorrow afternoon we would make an

appointment to speak to the priest at Sarahs school.

Once Sarah was asleep we got the book, note pad and pen out, sat at the table

together and stared at each other with an ironic grin. Is this going to back fire on us,

should, oh lets do it I said to my wife. We were up until the early hours of the

morning writing out a lecture on parenting I really hope people dont think were

being judgmental with this, encouragingly my wife just sat back in her chair

smiling it will be fine, there are a lot of mothers who would want to here this.

On the strength of that assurance I crossed the ts and put the full stops in and closed

the note pad, it was ready to show the priestour draft.

The following day we both accompanied each other to Sarahs school, after taking her

to her classroom we went to see the local priest who, surprisingly invited us in to hisoffice there and then. So, what can I do for you and Sarah he spoke in a very

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assuring voice and yet, when I tried to reply nothing came out at first. I cleared my

throat and tried again, my wife and I have what we believe to be an extremely good

book upon which we have remoulded our parenting skills. This for both of us and

Sarah has completely turned our family life and more importantly Sarahs

attitudes. Very good started the priest and this book is, IF I MAY I had to

jump in and make it at least look as if I knew what I was on about based upon thisbook of parenting and practical experience we have drawn up an evenings lecture for

which we would like to use your church hall and notice board. ohh thats a good

one said the priest leave it with me to look at your work and ill let you know very

soon. My wife and I just stared at each other for a split second, sure she said and at

that we handed over our note pad and took our leave.

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W9

A week had passed and we had not heard from the priest, I began to wonder if we had

gone into to much detail in our notes but, when I mentioned this thought to my wifeshe chuckled and said just wait until the teacher sends it back with a big red cross

through it. I could always rely on wifes humour to relieve a tense moment and, it

wasnt until that moment I realised just how tense I was getting over this proposed

lecture, this however was short lived for when I came home from work, sitting on the

kitchen table was an envelope. something on the table for us from the priest said my

wife I thought we would open it together. I stood there bemused and visualised

sorry but, by this time I felt like a teenager waiting exam results, my hands were

actually quivering. With great haste I pulled open the envelope and took out a piece of

paper from within, he wants it I shouted shh, come on then lets phone up and

confirm it said my wife with a grin bigger than a Cheshire cat.

That night and until the early hours of the morning we both beavered away with pen

and paper creating our master piece, the possible influence upon so many people

however kept pulling us both up short. We would keep looking up at each other are

we, should we, it was harder than we both thought possible I think we should have

this lecture of ours approved before, your right dear.

A week had passed and we were nearly completed but we were both aware that

our new found peace was being disrupted and by the time I came home from

work Sarah was playing up again. I took my wife aside, what has gone on

today, she sat there looking at me US thats whats been going on, for all we

have learned, put into practice and. We have been so obsessed with our lecture

we have not been practising what were going to teach, good lesson ah. The room

was silent besides Sarah throwing an apparent tantrum in the other room; of course by

now we new it for being attention seeking and that was our fault not Sarahs. OH

BOY I said arent we the clever ones, I thought quickly and said to my wife if you

dont mind I will put the lecture away and spend some valuable time with our

daughter and after dinnerI will explain to her what we are doing and that we

would like her to help us is that ok with you. She stood there smiling youve

got the idea Ill go and make some dinner.

Once we had finished eating I looked over at my wife who was sitting there looking atme ok I thought. Sarah, I said, your mum and i have been very busy this week and

have not been playing the way we all normally do, we have nearly finished our work

but we need you to help us. Would you like to help us in our team, she pondered

for a moment what do I have to do. I wasnt expecting that question I looked at my

wife who had an inquisitive grin on her face which said dare you. After explaining

as well you can to a five year old what we were doing I said what you could do as a

real big help for me and mum is (I looked over at my wife) help mum with the

cooking and getting ready for school. Is that all Sarah said ok the room

went quiet for a split second Ahh well thank you very much Sarah, thank you for

being clever and understanding and thank you for being helpful. For something

so simple to bring tranquillity and happiness back to the family I was waiting for aBUT or BY THE WAY but no. Such a simple conversation did the trick and we were

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all able to resume family life; the lecture however only came out once Sarah was in

bed-asleep.

W10

That night I started with categories, childs temperaments and how they affect theirdevelopment and the importance of childs play. Coming up with these was easy

but then I had to write about them, that wasnt easy but, I became a child and thought

like one if I had a bad temperament I wouldbe bad, very bad and by being so

I would not be receptive in school or at home so I would constantly get into

trouble so I would constantly argue back and get into more trouble so I would

only learn trouble hay I thought, so I wouldnt develop. The grim reality

suddenly hit me, if a parent didnt pick up on temperament behaviour by there child at

eighteen months off age the childs whole life could be ruined, ow. That frightened me

and made me think harder about childs play. OH NO it hit me hard and hurt, if a

childs first relationship, normally its mother, did not play, show and teach how to

express its self a childs whole ability of self confidence, self awareness, self

assurance would not develop positively and the child would end up being a timid, self

centred insecure person or even the complete opposite by ending up aggressive and

violent. What a horrible thought but when I sat back and looked at it all again it hit me

hard; child rearing is so important its not like bringing up a toy doll. As a parent you

have to be aware all the time and be able to predict the Childs next move and

have an answer for it before they do it by being there. HONNEY I called can

you look at this a minuet AHH can we err shou um funny you should say that I was

just thinking myself on the lines of HEEELP can we really say all this in a church hall

lecture. The room went very quite, so quite in fact we could hear Sarah upstairs

breathing. Its time to show this to the priest anyway im shore he will say yes or nosoon enough; after all he wont want a riot in his church.

The day came soon enough and we along with Sarah went to school, once we arrived

at the play ground where we normally leave Sarah we stayed waiting for school to

open. Are you coming in to school to learn today Sarah asked, we laughed no love

were going to see your school priest oow have you been naughty Sarah asked.

Somewhere amongst our laughter we managed to say no just as we were saved by the

school bell calling Sarah and her friends in.

We looked at each other still grinning from Sarahs comments, well its now or never

I said as we grabbed each others hands and went to see THE priest. Sitting there inhis room waiting for us he, with a big grin said come in and grab a chair, ive been

looking forward to this day. With some hesitation we handed over our speech and

waited for a reply. After some time, just as he started to look up he went back into our

speech. This is good whilst sitting there tapping our paper work with his pen a

week Friday ill put out a notice to all the pupils parents. We looked at each other

elated, for about two seconds then the fear or heaven and earth fell upon us. As we

looked back at the priest he was calmly sat there watching us with a big grin. Would

it be better for you if someone else did this in your name we pondered you can

with great relief we laughed whilst looking at each other.

The day came and very nervously we, along with hundreds of others gathered in thechurch hall. good evening everyone the priest called very loudly, As you will know

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we are all here to. At that stage I must have gone into a trance I herd A research

child at nappy changing would hold her arms up once the new nappy had been

put on this started by the mother saying to her child are we finished and ready

to go. Simply by repetition and recall the child new when her mum made that

pattern of noises she would lift her arms up ready to pick the baby up, monkey

see monkey do.And if we ignore or ill treat each other including our children,what will our children do to us and each other. For children however it doesnt

just stop there because they are still developing and finding out there self

confidence, self worth and many, many other aspects about there selfs. and

from then on in I became deaf, the next thing I knew was that people were patting us

on the back and grabbing our hands to shake them. Went well dont you think ah,

oh yes it must have we were both dazed and in awe of the situation.

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W11 Chapter Four The Community comes together

Luckily I thought for us with the lecture being on a Friday night things would have

calmed down by Monday when we took Sarah in to school, OH how we were so

mistaken. The feed back and constant comments that came to us were endless and

poor Sarah was almost isolated so that everyone could watch how she behaved and

acted. Although it was all constructive comments and questions from people

wanting to know more and gain a better insight as to how they could change to

be able to have there child behaving like Sarah does it was really to exhausting.

By the time we had done our school trip and got back home we were both run down,

we made a drink and found ourselves sitting there over the kitchen table. Without

breathing we stared at each other and at the same time said what have we done if it

carries on like that we will be the ones needing help and advice!

That afternoon when school was near an end we looked at each other dare we we

do I smiled at my wife who was looking more than apprehensive. All will be well, I

have a plan, if it happens again I will tell ever one that we will write another

lecture, with your help of course (after saying that there was a distinct look of oh

no in my wifes eyes). With a very big grin (although by now my wife knew that was

my way of hiding my feelings) I said to my wife for our lecture to be of any help we

have to show a continuity in our behaviour. That in itself was a good distractionstrategy to get every one off our case but deep down, as we looked at each other in a

long, sombre moment we both knew damn well that we would end up having to do

just that, but who would read it and where would the lecture be held this would be apending query.

Very cautiously and what felt like a slow walk to a hang mans noose we walked

to the school yard to pick up Sarah. As we walked around the street corner and

glanced over at the school yard we saw what we thought to our relief was a normal

congregation of parents gathered and talking to each other. Unfortunately as we got

nearer we began to hear the topic of the parents conversations, it was based on our

lecture and how they were implementing it in there homes. With a big sigh and a

cheesy grin whilst looking at each other and squeezing our hands I said to my wife

OHH well, ill start that lecture tonight ah. From out of the school yard a big

mouth shouted very loudly there doing another lecture at that I span round with

what must have been a total discontent written all over my face and shouted what

big mouth said that. As deep down I expected there was no reply but at least the

school yard went quiet, ceasing such an ideal opportunity I said I now know how

celebrities feel, we are not celebrities and we want to be left alone but we will do

another lecture soon, OK, now can we all carry on as normal please. At that there was

a murmur in the school yard and a lot of buried heads that slowly lifted and looked

around in shame, but hay it got everyone of our case. This apparent pause in the

school yard gave us time to grab Sarah and walk home, very quickly.

We had no sooner finished our tea and started playing with Sarah when there was aknock at the door; I looked at my wife as she looked at me. After a few oh nos and I

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W12

After a very jovial relaxing evening we put Sarah to bed and began to talk what I

presumed to be about business. A lot of the parish have already started to implement

there home life stiles based upon the glimps of daylight your lecture has given themso I would like to offer you both full use of the community hall again and all its

advertising facilities. We stared at each other and then looked at the priest who by

now was waiting for a reply, well that answers our pending query I said to my wife

with a big grin. Yes please I said to the priest, with posters advertising the theme of

attachment theory providing a sound basis for advice on how to bring up children,

how to implement it and Infants First Comprehension and verbalization of words. At

that we were made aware of and discussed the actual affect of family lives our

lectures would have and how cautious and thorough we had to be with the priest

saying that he would like us to read our lecture to him before we go public. By the

time the priest left we were feeling very worried at what we had started and how we

were going to carry it on. First and for most this lecture could not interfere with ourtime with Sarah and so we allocated a few hours each night after Sarah had gone to

bed.

After a couple of weeks had past by we made an appointment to see the priest, we had

a draft to read to him at last. On arrival at the vicarage we were met by the priest who

almost dragged us into the building, so good to see you here, sit down and show

me. Slowly and cautiously I produced our draft good, good, get reading. With a

cough and a splutter I opened up the first page, This lecture discusses the evidence

provided as to whether or not researched attachment theories provides a sound basis

for advice on how to bring up children and how morals and discipline are

important factor throughout all of this topic. The studies carried out will show how

the theory of attachment contrasts for both child and adult accordingly. Through the

use of patterns of attachment i intend to elaborate and contrast the attachment theory.

This will cover cause and effect of security and insecurity behaviourism leading

to mid life attachment and reveal the attachment theory to be sound advice. read

on This lecture will be based upon the first but this time, as there is a great interest

in wanting to know all about the topic In question I will be going into detail. Can a

child ever be shown too much attention? As the attachment theory is researched it is

found that child development has two central issues, continuity and nature vs nurture,

although within these issues the quantity of attention is believed to affect the out come

for the child. The theories that influence nature vs nurture cover areas ofbehaviourist, social-constructivism, nativism and constructivism. It is at this point

where great stress has to be placed at the Need of a child for it to develop all its

SELFS, for now self consciousness, self esteem, self worth and self awareness will

do. All of this starts from three months of age; this is where continuity comes in,

encouragement, understanding, reliability and company. These elements are a

necessity from a childs mother and this is where first relationship comes in along

with other family member.

It is as simple as childs play when you know how and why, for example when

playing with your child all of the selfs can be developed by simple feel good

factors such as arent you clever, havent you done well, dont you look good,these simple words Develop Self esteem. Simple tasks as the child gets older such

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as could you, it would be nice if you, do you think daddy would like it if you, this

develops self awareness and consciousness. This social growth and how ones

interaction develops has to have a starting point, which for an infant is found

within its genetic nature. From this a child only has its genetic nature, then, from

a first relationship interaction it can elaborate with developing behaviourism so

the child will learn when and where to behave or scream thus social constructivebehaviour and the personality is developed. Separation from the carer/parent is

considered detrimental as many will have found by now if they nip out for a minuet

the child activates its attachment ques and for example start crying or screaming.

Eventually the child will become curious as to what is around the corner and stray off

but dont think your off the hook they still need to know your there when they come

back. The child at this time will be in pursuit of furthering its continuity and

identity but still needing the nurture of a carer. Gasping for breath I glanced over

to my wife who was sat there with a big grin sounds better than how we wrote it she

said. Any chance of a cuppa please smiling at the priest hum, oh, yes.

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W13

Whilst we were having a breather the priest glanced through our draft, this should be

a book he said, we laughed if only he knew ah my wife whispered in my ear,humm. Are we ready I looked at the priest in dismay ok Up to five months old a

childs needs for intensity is not as great as from the age of five to sixteen months.

After this period for the first few years of life a child will endeavour to seek

intensity within responses to personal relationships away from the initial carer.

Most importantly for a child up to two years of age isthe need to be given love,

moral fibre to base its foundations upon, discipline to show cause and effect of a

childs actions and attention from the figure head of the first relationship. This

will establish the childs emotional development and stability in future life and

allow it to duplicate these emotions throughout development and have respect for

people as well as its own self respect. This, according to research is especially

applicable for children in a broken home. It is difficult and affects a childsability to form trusting, loving relationships as not all children will have had the

fortune of such emotional stability such as loosing a parent and having a step parent

move in therefore more time and care is required in there growth period.

The attachment theory looked into a childs reaction if its carer left the child in a room

with a stranger. The research found the child either, looking for its mother, not

letting its mother go, ignoring its mother when she came back or pushing mother

away if she tried to come in close contact. In the attachment theory studied guide

lines of cause and effect are dependant upon the scenario displayed by a child,

from this solutions and advice could be given to improve the childs and parents

life style and bonding. The attachment theories have guide lines for cause and

long term effect, that is to say that too much attention restricts a child from

developing its own identity and personality and that not enough results in a child

running wild wanting and getting its own way, in other words the child will rule

the house and everything you do making yours and everyone elses life a misery,

including its own. Well I said to the priest thats half of it, and then there is speech

development and the importants of parents listening fully to what there child has to

say and being sure they understand. That all sounds good, I think for tonight we

should have a rest from it and cover the speech development until another day.

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W14 Chapter five Comprehension and talking to much

That night deep in the dark of our bedroom I lay there thinking, the harder I tried

to sleep the very thought of speech development haunted me. How do infants

come to understand and produce their first words? Most people would be

thinking sweet thoughts and dreams at night, in bed, but all I could think of was

the communicating inquisitiveness shown by babies through the use ofinnate

nature and nurture and how it forms the ability of speech.

Knowing how inside the mother a child is susceptible to being coherent to

what is spoken by the mother and people next to the mother lead me to

realise that once born the child has an innate aptitude towardscommunication. This being the case by being spoken to this aptitude is

furthered and, once the child grasps the ability of inquiry the production of

actual speech follows, but how could I put this valuable concept over in a lecture

format without insulting peoples vocabulary.

That weekend I took a pen and pad and went to the garden shed for piece and

solitude to work on another lecture. To have a comprehension of words before

being able to produce them is acquired through a prolonged and frustrating

process of speech streams; this is called prosody and phonology. What an

introduction I thought to myself but I could not stop laughing at the thoughts of

Sarah ma ta and be-ing as she was trying to create her first words and thensentences. It was at that point I realised what the famous writers block was. What

seemed to be three coffees two weeks and one come in for your tea later I was

able to progress as the image of getting ready to put Sarah to bed and read her a

story that brought me to a realisation that, through being spoken to and having

the childs attention drawn to the spoken topic for example pointing to the

written word when reading a story bookto a child I was able to progress with

the lecture. It is researched to be a most productive method of learning,

whilst this method is most productive the child however is further learning

through familiarization phrases, syllable stress and social nature and nurture

at the same time.

Researched Speech sounds and streams is a type of method assumed by infants as

a means of distinguishing words and sentences. These streams on a pre-natal child

were researched and written of in the book by having the mother read a selected

section of story to the unborn baby then once born, through the use of a pressure-

sensing dummy the story was read to the baby again to test for a response of

recognition. The findings of this research were a childs preference to the mothers

voice and recognition of the test phrase. This both for me and the lecture

creation was a mile stone, to prove the point that you have to be care full

what you say and without me insulting peoples vocabulary.

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W15

The further I researched and wrote I came to a realisation that how people

generally speak to children about social family, objects and eventscontextualise the daily family environment. This environment I found

personally was a commanding asset for our child to learn her native language.

Both my wife and I had not realised that these very events and objects that are

spoken of to a learning child enable the child through association to comprehend

(normally at seven to eight months old) the meanings and names of articles.

Furthering this process of talking and pointing at what we were talking about

when speaking to Sarah made us understand that the association of prosodic

cues are of valuable use to enable a childs comprehension of its native

language. Also that by differentiating pitches and tones in an individuals

voice furthered the childs learning. The frequencies of these spoken cues (for

the learning child) help distinguish the difference between pitches, tones andlanguages.

As I lay in bed, thinking that my last lecture was socially difficult I had a daunting

thought that this one would be the equivalent of putting my neck in a hang mans

noose. Out of the silence came Your not here are you, I could always rely on my

wife to interfere- I mean help me when im troubled. Lets have a look then ah

your lecture Oh. Putting the bed side lamp on and gathering up my notes we

began to read through it all. I was bothered this time though due to it being in

more note form than a lecturing format.

Every childs need for continuity and routine is as important as food, drink,

love and affection, to begin to be aware of a childs notoriety of

comprehension and learning familiarization phrases were spoken of and later

on with our child we called upon her to fetch her tea pot, she did. The point of

this exercise shows us, the parents, that comprehension and learning is taking

place and that, through routine and explaining to as opposed to talking at,

children will begin to learn word association.

A notable time for Sarah was at three months of age, she began to experiment with

the use of her vocal cords due to her approximate level of comprehension. The

interaction with piers and siblings on a daily basis that Sarah had was

encouraging and teaches all of our children familiarization with phrases. Indoing so all children will start babbling as it begins to learn how to produce

words, familiar phrases such aspa, ti, bu, la, and pauses are an example.

Added to this process children will pick up and use cues through drawing

attention to what they wish to speak of. Both my wife and I throughout our

extended family found that this is done by children pointing, gazing and picking

up.

Based on our observations of Sarah and other children we were in contact with we

begin to be aware of childrens notoriety of comprehension and learning. With this

in mind a routine was established where once finished at changing time our childs

arms would be waved from side to side and the question asked are you ready.The result of this process was that our child eventually, once finished at changing

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time did this of her own accord. Here in this apparent simple play the process

of social, and familiar phrase cues have all preceded each other clearly

showing that Sarah is not only learning commanding assets of her native

language but also emotional development and stability for her future life . This

in turn will allow her to duplicate these emotions throughout development and

therefore have respect for other people.

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W16

Well, my love oh, she was giving me one of those your kidding looks, I think

this will make the point well without up setting anyone.

I must have appeared very sombre as I looked at my wife, I am botheredthat a childs notoriety of comprehension and learning familiarization

phrases may differ in other languages due to syllable stress. For a child to

come to an understanding of comprehension, as in where a word begins and

another ends English content words have stress on the first syllabus but Italian and

Greek does not thus making me wonder if all sixteen month old babies learn their

native language quicker in England, Italy and Greece due to the consistency of

stress patterns. She, as ever just sat there propped up on her pillows giving me one

of those reassuring looks, What comes next she asked. Well my dear, I said

(looking rather sheepish) ive found that phonology are the building blocks to

learning how to comprehend and produce a spoken language so, by four

months a child has a limited comprehension and is beginning to play atproduction through repetition, association, environmental and attempted

speech. Also that between the age of eight months and sixteen months word

comprehension for girls (her eyes lit up) goes from thirty five to two hundred

and thirty. That my dear wife is why you women never shut up! Boys however

start at thirty five but only rises to one hundred and fifty. These statistics

darling show the relevance of repetition, association, environmental and

attempted speech due to the socially acceptable fact that girls talk more than

boys. Ow, she just sat there staring, so do you want my help or not! Sticking my

head back in to my notes I read on.

However at four months a child is, through vocalization beginning to vocally

play with familiar sounds. It is at this point in the production of the spoken word

that speech streams through the possible aid of innate nativism are used to assist

construction. In environmental play a group of girls will sit down together and

(for example) talk their way through a scene with dolls or cooking thus

repetition is inevitable. Boys however are more likely to run in a field and not

hold much communication with each other. For active girls association can be

endless due to their style of play where a boy is limited due to the masculinity

and content of play time. Although this may slow down the learning process

of how infants come to understand and produce their first words speech

streams, prosody and phonology is the same for both boys and girls the onlyreal difference is the amount of repetition, association and environment they

are exposed to.

That morning, unbeknown to me an appointment for the priest to come calling had

been made. Cortices and two coffees later so hows your paper going on, I sat

there both bewildered and stunned, ah um. I have facts that potentially limit and

divide sexes in their learning curves the actual production process is physically the

same for both boys and girls but! Given that a child has no learning difficulties

such as being deaf or epileptic and the home environment is encouraging the

comprehension of speech gathered is put into play at four to ten months with

babbling. The theoretical significance of speech development though is

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distinguished between comprehension of the spoken word and actual production

of the spoken word.

W17

A dilemma I have is whether or not to mention that the actual production of

speech from the vocal tracts in an infant are physically likened unto a chimpanzee,up until the age of three months. At this time the tongue and soft plate begin to

develop and liken unto an adults tying in with a childs natural process of

beginning to babble and try to repeat words it hears. I was in shock on saying this

because, although human and compassionate ive never seen a priest laugh-so

much. Carefully picking my moment I read on that experiments found that a

childs use of words was, from the off set predominantly a copy of a childs first

relationships conversations. These words were of objects and names and

furthering this process the child starts to point and ask whats that. This is

where social is of a great importance to a childs production and

progression of the spoken word.

Through carefully watching the spoken word being formed by the lips of the first

relationship and asking the name of an article a child, through repetition and usage

will begin to form the spoken word. Although conventionally these words are

abbreviated this for the child is a major step up from babbling. The next step is

(through talking) for the child and first relationship to come to a

comprehension of word association. This for both child and first relationship

can be very confusing as some words are used in different contexts and

adaptation. For example, if the childs first words were baby talk, (maternal

speech) both first relationship and child would have to completely re learn/ teach

the language again. This in turn will influence the language development of thechild. I found this scenario myself as I watched a group of children, they were

aged from sixteen months to two years old and because I knew there parents and

how they spoke to them there was notably a divide by the age of two by there

speech development. The speech style of some parents had had an important

impact upon their children both upon the social context and language

development.

A further, more defining stress point upon the importance of speaking to children

(to my shame) is where a parent had only used object reference as it, orthingwhere asother parents used object names. Knowing the results of these childrens

development is striking as I found that some had a delayed language ability incomparison to others. It became apparent that, without the foundation of

comprehension infants will struggle to come to an understanding of and be

able to produce their first words.

Having comprehension of a word list can in turn cause problems for a child due to

the child not knowing if the word is being used in the right context or weather it is

context bound or flexible.

As an infant a child would not realise that, in essence all bears are called Teddy

that is until a child is of an age to be aware of definition then the Teddy may be

given a name. The problem for both me and Sarah however was that if Teddy has

four friends and mum says get Teddy which one should Sarah go for. Althoughthis emphasises the flexibility and problems contextual use can cause it also

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reveals the importance of definition when talking to an infant for this is

partly how infants come to understand and produce their first words. As

before and just like Sarahs mother the priest sat there, oh how I hate those silent

pauses, any more.

In environmental play the co-operation of a childs first relationship isessential. social is of a great importance for all children giving them the

opportunity of interaction. Opinions that innate nativism (inborn) leads the

curiosity of all children to seek out whats that which, in turn will create

familiar phrase and cues aiding a childs definition of the beginning and end of

words and phrases, furthered by syllable stress will all come to aid and assist an

understanding of comprehension. Without these the spoken word may not be

established fluently thus restricting the childs progress in production. In

situations such as this a child would spend extra time learning to use

alternative methods of communication such as sign language and lip reading

to be able to develop comprehension and an alternative form of production.

Umm (well thats better than a silent pause I thought to myself) whilst you putyour notes into a lecture form I had better get the church hall ready for you ah.

I didnt know if I was pleased or cursed to be doing another lecture, I was just sat

there looking at Sarahs mother, my beautiful wife who had such a grin on her, in

all the time we have been together I hadnt realised how big your mouth is. Oh,

there are times when you should really think before speaking, that was one of

them. The priest was sat there laughing I was trying not to and she, once she had

sat down again started to grin.

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*1 Attention Theory

The key features of a first relationship for infants are, according to many

psychologists a means of furthering an already innate mechanism of adaptability

towards social interaction. This in turn will further psychological development for

both social and within child. The future prosperity of the child however is hinged on

nature and nurture, (academic and emotional) and the way that they are brought up. It

is now recognised there are two forms of IQ, academic and emotional and for a child

to succeed in both areas it needs a key first relationship. Traditionally this task has

been a mothers job although culturally it is shared within a social group the

association of this and the interactions within a relationship involving a child is of

great importance. The ego at this stage of recognition can only go as far as toys and

needs but a childs self conception will through cognition (learning) and by

pursuing mental and social development become a personality which could besuppressed or exceed its self. Through the use of baby talking (normally consisting of

accentuated high and low pitches) a carer/ parent can begin to establish recognition of

the beginning of conversations. This opportunity of attention also gives rise to

establish games for the child to further its emotional/ mental development of self and

social interaction and learning that mothers arms are not its own!

From this a child only has its genetic nature, then, from a first relationship interaction

it can elaborate with behaviourism, social constructivism and develop its personality.

An infant at this stage holds its self consciousness and identity as being the carer

where if something needs to be retrieved such as toys it could presume the carers

arms to be its own and want the carer to pick up. In this manner the attachment theory

gives good advice for child rearing due to its broad coverage of cause and effect.From the offset a new carer may be bemused flattered and frustrated that an infant

will not leave their side, this however is the attraction behaviour of attention seeking.

This will establish the childs emotional development and stability in future life and

allow it to duplicate these emotions throughout development. I imply that too much

attention restricts a child from developing its own identity and personality. The

important period is between five to sixteen months where a child needs the attention

and yet during the period of two years and older the child must be allowed to seek its

own response and intensities. This is where the carer must not enforce their identity

onto the child thus making the child a copy of a possible devil helper. This same

situation could be found in adolescent years where the child is open to pear

manipulation and may well copy friends. Although the excessive attention issupplying the child with physiological and cognitivestimulation the social and

emotional damage could be seen as damaging. Social interaction within family is as a

child reaches adolescence of great importance, for girls it gives a security not to

become dependant upon outside influences where as boys have a conflict of

dependency. Therefore emphasising the importance of social

interaction between a first relationship within a family/ social group. This

socialization also enables a uniform bonding as far as innate differences allow. For a

child to thrive and the attention/ behaviour between it and the care giver to develop

certain aspects need to be established.

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*2 Self

Self is categorized into four groups, these beingPhysical, Character, relationshipandInnerself. Younger children refer more too physical activities as being self

descriptive; this is proven as being the methodology applied by this age group to

describe self. (I am, bat man, princes snow white). In there world all there is are toysand family! The findings for older children score higher in the area ofinnerand

characterthis is due to the older child developing an inner character trait of selfand

increasing reference to relations. Children were asked one question do children

believe the proudestthing they do can be done throughout there lives. This revealed

that there was an ability to establish at what age children become more aware of

physicaland conscious selfinstead of ideal self (I am) ? growing up and beginningto think for myself, on which level of morality and social stance and respect is up to

us to teach from birth.

Like all things in life, you have to give to receive!

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Based upon the story Babies do come with a hand book answer the following

questions. For each question there are several issues that can be covered some of

which will be based upon your own views taken from the book.

Each question has a word count to give you an idea of how much information is

needed.

Work sheet 1

Week (1) Role Play

Read and discuss the introduction page and page two, answer part one

question one

Q (1)

Why is it not good for your child to be raised in the same manner that you

were? (100 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question one and how it relates to, teenage

consequences.

Question to discuss, I through tantrums as a child to get my own way can I

still do it!

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Work sheet 2

Week (2) Role Play

Read and discuss page three, answer part one question two

Q (2)

What is the importants of the attachment theory with regard to bringing upchildren (150 words) NB nature-personality, nurture-care and encouragement,

continuity-stable secure environment

Talk about views and opinions on question two and how it relates to teenage

relationships.

Question to discuss, I did what ever I wanted and got my own way will

everyone still like me now im an adult!

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Work sheet 3

Week (3) Role Play

Read and discuss page four, answer part one question three

Q (3)

Why does a child endeavour to seek intensity? (100 words)NB intensity-relates self as being the first relationship

Talk about views and opinions on question three and how it relates to teenage

social activities.

Question to discuss,my friend CID s/he was/ wasnt allowed to do his own

thing, what TYPE could she become and will it effect social activities

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Work sheet 4

Week (4) Role Play

Page six to the end of chapter one and discuss, answer part one question four

Q (4)

For a child why is it of the utmost importants that both parents are, at alltimes consistent and attentive with what they say and do. (50 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question four and how it relates to teenage

aims for the future.

Question to discuss,what effects can I be the cause of if Im not careful with

the amount of attention i give my child

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Chapter two

Work sheet 5

Week (5) Role Play

Read and discuss page eight, answer part one question fiveQ (5)

Explain nature, nurture and continuity (week 3) and how these elements affect

the amount of attention a child is given. (150 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question five and how it relates to teenage

motivational skills.

Question to discuss, CID is given too much/ OR lack of nature (personality)

nurture (how you were raised) and continuity (interaction) how will this effect

his motivation skills.

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Work sheet 6

Week (6) Role Play

Read and discuss page nine, answer part one question six

Q (6)

Account for the different selfs that children have to develop and how eachof these types of self if not developed can affect a child. (150 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question six and how it relates to teenage

goals in life NB nativism-to be born with an inherent ability

Question to discuss, if all ofCIDs selfs (confidence, worth, esteem, identity

etc) and nativism are low will CID be rich and famous!

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Work sheet 7

Week (7) Role Play

Read and discuss page eleven, answer part one question seven

Q (7)

How does the first relationship affect a childs social growth? (100 words)Talk about views and opinions on question seven and how it relates to teenage

social and professional motivation

Question to discuss, would CIDs first relationship (traditionally mother) affect

his communication abilities!

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Chapter three

Work sheet 8

Week (8) Role Play

Read and discuss page thirteen, answer part one question eight

Q (8)Can social and environmental issues affect a childs development?

(100 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question eight and how it relates to teenage

respect for others

Question to discuss, if none pays CID any respect should he give respect to

others, would he know how to

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Work sheet 10

Week (10) Role Play

Read and discuss page sixteen, answer part one question ten

Q (10)

In play why would a baby expect the parent to pick things up (50 words)Talk about views and opinions on question ten and how it relates to teenage

awareness of self development

Question to discuss, CID has a bad/ good temperament, how will he develop!

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Chapter four,

Part two questions

Work sheet 11

Week (11) Role Play

Read and discuss page eighteen answer part two question oneQ (1)

Explain innate nature and nurture and how it forms the ability of speech how

does it relate to this reading! (150 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question one and how it relates to teenage

opinions, are they innate or a result of peer pressure

Question to discuss, CID was always told to go away and play in his/her

room if s/he does something wrong will s/he be a cause or is it an effect

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Work sheet 12

Week (12) Role Play

Read and discuss page twenty, answer part two question two

Q (2)

Why does a child require cooperative and understanding parents? (100 words)Talk about views and opinions on question two and how it relates to teenage

coping mechanisms

Question to discuss, CID parents did/nt have any continuity with him, how

will her/his personality (innate) develop

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Work sheet 13

Week (13) Role Play

Read and discuss page twenty two, answer part two question three

Q (3)

Explain the four Types (week 5) and to the best of your knowledge explainthe causes for each of these. (150 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question three and how it relates to teenage

sexual relationships

Question to discuss, can CIDs parents create/ his/her TYPE and affect CIDs

view to relationships and sex.

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Chapter five

Work sheet 14

Week (14) Role Play

Read and discuss page twenty three, answer part two question four

Q (4)How does the attachment theory account for cause and effect with regards to

speech development. (100 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question four and how it relates to teenage

attitudes and empathy to others

Question to discuss, Cid is slow to speak and needs things explaining to him,

will it help him if we ignore him or make fun of him, what could be the long

term causes and the effects

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Work sheet 15

Week (15) Role Play

Read and discuss page twenty four, answer part two question five

Q 5)

How do infants come to understand and produce their first words? (150 words)Talk about views and opinions on question five and how it relates to teenage

comprehension

Question to discuss, why does CIDs little brother speak better than CID

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Work sheet 16

Week (16) Role Play

Read and discuss page twenty six, answer part two question six

Q (6)

How does a baby develop Comprehension and verbalization of words?(100 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question six and how it relates to the

importance of teenage clubs

Question to discuss, as a two year old CID was always told to be quite and

never taken to play groups, how will this affect his command of familiar

phrases

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Work sheet 17

Week (17) Role Play

Read and discuss page twenty seven, answer part two question seven

Q (7)

What could be the out come for a baby if a parent doesnt take time tounderstand what the child is saying? (100 words)

Talk about views and opinions on question seven and how it relates to

teenagers rebelling

Question to discuss, if CID was/nt given time to be understood will s/he go to

someone else for attention

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Work sheet 18

Week (18) Role Play

Review the book and discuss links and chains (starting at page nine), answer

part two question eight

Q (8)Explain the concept behind links and chains (week 9) and how this can

affect babies. (100 words)

Talk about views and opinions on links and chains and how it relates to

teenage pregnancies

Question to discuss, if im not shown affection will I look for it, if I look for it

could I end up becomin

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