Cool Qoutes

8/8/2019 Cool Qoutes

1/25

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

Its not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. Ive done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isnt a joke, because I dont get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

Im knot a blonde! Im knot, Im knot, Imknot!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Ive got problem for your solution

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say Are you gonna drink that?

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriends looks and vise versa.


2/25

Everyone has a photographic memory some just dont have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didnt talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.





When I read about [...]

286 Comments to Short Funny Quotes

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 15 Next

y 1. devonwrote on 10 August, 2007, 11:58Vote: 506 193

practice makes perect but then nobody is perfect so wats the point of practicing?

y 2. tara:littlestarwrote on 1 September, 2007, 7:32

Vote: 500 104

why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

y 3. Jaimewrote on 23 September, 2007, 7:41

Vote: 336 129

Life is Short Talk Fast!


3/25

y 4. Emileewrote on 27 September, 2007, 12:13

Vote: 364 171

save water and shower together

y 5. DeAnna _starfishwrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:13

Vote: 240 183

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLENPolice have nothing to go on

y 6. Allysonwrote on 2 October, 2007, 6:22

Vote: 378 107

save paper dont do home work

y 7. Arjaywrote on 3 October, 2007, 8:57

Vote: 330 116

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

y 8. Brianawrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59

Vote: 94 247

A man went to the wise man at the mountain and asked him, Whats the piont of life? and the wise old man said I

dont know ask a girl.


Vote: 321 113

Good girlsar bad girls that arent caught.


Vote: 348 83

If a rose represents love, then why does it always die?


4/25

y 11. Samwrote on 5 October, 2007, 19:43

Vote: 240 116

homework is killing

trees, stop the madness!

y 12. taylorwrote on 27 October, 2007, 18:39

Vote: 273 68

Laugh Until You Cry

Cry Until You Laugh

y 13. Dilipwrote on 30 October, 2007, 10:58

Vote: 397 114

I still miss my ex But guess what? My Aim is getting better

y 14. Shortiewrote on 31 October, 2007, 17:24

Vote: 234 119

If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends ?

y 15. Natalie Martinezwrote on 5 November, 2007, 13:50

Vote: 189 173

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you dont have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!

y 16. Natalywrote on 9 November, 2007, 15:11

Vote: 346 179

Sex without love is like food without taste

y 17. YoungBloodwrote on 15 November, 2007, 20:21

Vote: 163 163

Why fight to live when we live to die???

YoungBlood: Because, perhaps there are few dying to live. :p


5/25

y 18. Scarwrote on 15 November, 2007, 20:25

Vote: 93 166

What is to be will be, BUT. What is not to be Could happen

y 19. Sweetiewrote on 16 November, 2007, 20:18

Vote: 187 62

Flying is learning how to fall without hitting the ground.

y 20. bobbywrote on 17 November, 2007, 10:31

Vote: 258 70

if you fail to prepare,

then prepare to fail


6/25

y 21. bobbywrote on 17 November, 2007, 10:32

Vote: 217 157

noone is perfect,

well then imnoone

y 22. kirbyaimeeknowleswrote on 23 November, 2007, 21:06

Vote: 351 102

if all my friends decided to jump off a bridge.i wuldnt..i wuld be at the bottom waiting to catch them.

y 23. Michaelwrote on 28 November, 2007, 19:24

Vote: 263 85

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

y 24. the manwrote on 29 November, 2007, 4:08

Vote: 238 97

when life gives you lemonsthrow them over your shoulder and look for an orange

y 25. DirtySouthwrote on 1 December, 2007, 13:05

Vote: 323 134

Do not drink and drive

or u might spill the drink.

y 26. megswrote on 3 December, 2007, 16:39

Vote: 195 422


7/25

a man went to a wise man and asked him a question. the wise man said, idk, ask a girl!!!! hhahaha!

y 27. millywrote on 6 December, 2007, 20:55

Vote: 117 167

I dont have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My Reality Check bounced.

y 28. .:kaeley:.wrote on 6 December, 2007, 21:45

Vote: 201 113

I am here so what are your other two wishes?

Hating me wont make you pretty!

If i followed you home, would you keep me?

You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

y 29. daprincessisherewrote on 9 December, 2007, 1:03

Vote: 306 84

If you cant get someone out of your head,

..then maybe they are supposed to be there.


8/25

Some people are like Slinkys. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs

y 33. Priyawrote on 13 December, 2007, 3:56

Vote: 189 61

when i speak with my eyes, i tell more than just one story.

y 34. 'Beccawrote on 14 December, 2007, 23:21

Vote: 447 60

You cry, I cry, .you laugh, I laughyou jump off a cliff i laugh even harder!!

y

35. Juliowrote on 15 December, 2007, 20:37

Vote: 284 36

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, theyll be a mile away and barefoot.

y 36. katrinawrote on 18 December, 2007, 8:37

Vote: 364 34

never argue with an idiot theyll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

y 37. Bushraawrote on 19 December, 2007, 0:39

Vote: 222 85

So she smashed her rearview mirror,

cause from now on shes never looking back

y 38.

ise manwrote on 21 December, 2007, 23:05

Vote: 279 37

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

y 39. sumwrote on 22 December, 2007, 11:42

Vote: 114 160

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.


9/25

y 40. JemJemwrote on 23 December, 2007, 19:52

Vote: 43 246

When life gives you a lemon squeeze it in a water pistol and shoot someone between the eyes!

y 41. Tasha Xwrote on 27 December, 2007, 14:38

Vote: 319 652

Sex, drugs, rock n roll,

Speed, weed && birth control,

Lifes a b***h and then we die,

So f**k the world and lets get high =] x

y 42. Jackywrote on 27 December, 2007, 22:32

Vote: 181 115

Normal people use spoons. But, I am not normal. Although, I do find it hard to eat soup with my hands, a fork, or a

butterknife.

y 43. Funny Man Carterwrote on 2 January, 2008, 15:29


10/25

Vote: 108 204

Smile and the whole world will smile with you!

y

44. Freak.wrote on 3 January, 2008, 3:58

Vote: 296 38

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while youre in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

y 45. debbiewrote on 7 January, 2008, 18:32

Vote: 233 99

Coffee, Chocolate, Men.the richer the better!

y 46.jordanwrote on 9 January, 2008, 10:21

Vote: 47 265

when life gives you lemons, youre probably allergic

y 47. Lisabwrote on 9 January, 2008, 13:29

Vote: 222 45

Dream as you will live forever, live as you would die tomorrow!

y 48. AlieMorinowrote on 9 January, 2008, 15:50

Vote: 120 79

Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do

y 49. CarnivorusSheepwrote on 11 January, 2008, 0:14

Vote: 205 39

My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone:(

y 50. Jennawrote on 11 January, 2008, 1:00

Vote: 103 130

Love is like getting sick,

Because everyone goes through it.


11/25

y 51. mewrote on 15 January, 2008, 19:10

Vote: 292 27

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

y 52. Stretch #2wrote on 21 January, 2008, 1:59

Vote: 310 36

What do u do when the only one who can make u stop crying is the one who made you cry?

y 53. Pradywrote on 22 January, 2008, 9:03

Vote: 310 53

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

y 54. oliviahawleywrote on 26 January, 2008, 17:39

Vote: 256 63

I ran into my ex todayput it in reverse and did it again !!!

y 55. Aryiewrote on 29 January, 2008, 1:19

Vote: 150 136

THINK its not illegal yet

y 56. Dylanwrote on 29 January, 2008, 4:50

Vote: 337 28

Doesnt expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

y 57. megswrote on 30 January, 2008, 5:19

Vote: 124 150

if u think no one notices you and ur all alone, then try not paying the bills!!! hahaha

y 58. cassandrawrote on 30 January, 2008, 5:47

Vote: 118 45


12/25

people want what they cant have and when they get it they dont want it anymore. practice makes perfect, but if no

ones perfect, why practice?

notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?

y 59. ArmenianGrlwrote on 6 February, 2008, 0:12

Vote: 329 42

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpapeacfullysleepingnot screaming, like the passengers in his car

y 60. ArmenianGrlwrote on 6 February, 2008, 0:14

Vote: 236 47

Im an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house

y 81. cassiewrote on 6 May, 2008, 20:26

Vote: 249 54

i want to kill the hottest person alive but suicide is a crime!

y 82. smaris (mauriceshafer)wrote on 13 May, 2008, 9:00

Vote: 69 162

>:( i am so stupid, i laugh at myself sometimes

y 83. mayurwrote on 14 May, 2008, 8:35

Vote: 105 62


13/25

When you get old and your kids ask

where all the money went, show

them the vacation videos.

y 84. nashwrote on 16 May, 2008, 13:33

Vote: 25 223

itaint a lonely world IF U AINT A LONER

y 85. Phillipwrote on 19 May, 2008, 22:25

Vote: 98 80

sleep till youre hungry, eat till youre sleepy

y 86. Mileywrote on 29 May, 2008, 21:31

Vote: 14 139

Dolet that is not even funny god is perfect

y 87. AL-Xwrote on 30 May, 2008, 3:03

Vote: 155 40

If you love something, let it go. If it doesnt come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

y 88. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:06

Vote: 247 41

Boys fall for me-

Because I trip them.

y 89. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:32

Vote: 40 100

Love is just like hate but someone gets candy.

y 90. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:35

Vote: 182 45


14/25

All I want is for one guy to prove that they are not all the same.

y 91. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:37

Vote: 312 33

DONT HIT KIDS!!!

No, seriously, they have guns now.

y 92. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:39

Vote: 146 28

My life is one of those

YOU HAD TO BE THERE

jokes.

y 93. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:43

Vote: 93 97

I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.

y 94. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:46

Vote: 233 30Dont knock on deaths door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

y 95. Iwrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:49

Vote: 211 434

Friends will always be like: You deserve better.

True friends will be prank calling him saying You will die in seven days.

y 96. haylsewrote on 31 May, 2008, 7:59

Vote: 126 81

if our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. what do chinese people use? tooth picks?

y 97. MaxPaynewrote on 4 June, 2008, 14:13

Vote: 36 145


15/25

shes got a face like a bag of smashed crabs

y 98. stigwrote on 5 June, 2008, 11:31

Vote: 111 77

Miss are you good in algebra?

Do you mind substituting my x???

y 99. [[summer lovinrox]]wrote on 5 June, 2008, 17:13

Vote: 174 163

hey you, yea you, no not you, you right there, yes you, do you like tacos????

y 100. minawrote on 8 June, 2008, 8:28

Vote: 146 42

I am free of all prejudice, i hate everyone equally.

Short Funny Quotes - Page 4I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.





When I read about [...]

286 Comments to Short Funny Quotes

Pages: Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 15 Next

y 61. *mIxEdgUrLsdOiTbEtTa!*wrote on 6 February, 2008, 1:17


16/25

Vote: 85 228

Happy Valentines! I know I am early but I have a lot of sexy people to text so Im getting the ugly f**krs outta the way

first! Lol

y 62. ashleywrote on 7 February, 2008, 21:16

Vote: 430 29

Never steal.

The government hates competition

y 63. Usamawrote on 13 February, 2008, 11:41

Vote: 194 53

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

y 64. hahahahawrote on 15 February, 2008, 4:51

Vote: 212 88

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped

y 65. hfdgudsfjsdjfi (:wrote on 17 February, 2008, 7:00

Vote: 137 144

Come to the Darkside.,

We have cookies you can chuck at people!

y 66. ay2Hotwrote on 17 February, 2008, 17:43

Vote: 119 110

what does it mean when you live on a busy street and your mom tells you to play on the road?

y 67. vladislavawrote on 18 February, 2008, 17:41

Vote: 110 153


17/25

i dont need hollywood,hollywood needs me

y 68. DavidO'Neill, 14 yearsoldwrote on 23 February, 2008, 2:33

Vote: 102 89

ifwiseness was payable there would be no rich or poor. look at george bush or parishilton for example.

y 69. Howzaaaaaawrote on 27 February, 2008, 17:31

Vote: 107 338

Lifes Tough . . . Get a Helmet!

y 70. abibwrote on 29 February, 2008, 16:14

Vote: 139 232

He who laughs, lasts.

y 71. courtneywrote on 29 February, 2008, 16:27

Vote: 67 215

guys are nothing just the ground we walk on!

i told myself he loved me i told my heart i loved him backed, turns out he dumped me and wants everything

back!!!!

Dont cry ova him move on and just remember that he was once urs and that will never change!

he is not worth ur time if he doesnt have the time for you!!!!

life moves on just takes awhile wen ur not with some one!!!

y 72. Cigarowrote on 1 March, 2008, 15:13

Vote: 526 138

1f u c4n r34d 7h15, u r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d


18/25

y 73. Tinawrote on 1 March, 2008, 18:51

Vote: 96 73

Life is what happens to you while youre busy making other plans.

y 74. daniellewrote on 4 March, 2008, 2:13

Vote: 65 102

I dnt have an egoi just love how awsum i am!!!

y 75. ?i love my prettayewrote on 30 March, 2008, 6:50

Vote: 180 110

School is a jail, the cells are the classes, teachers are the security guard and W E ARE THE PRISONERS!

y 76. g2ga lotwrote on 3 April, 2008, 16:23

Vote: 161 890

you are just jealous because i act retarded and people still luv me. LoL

y 77. Beckerswrote on 17 April, 2008, 3:09

Vote: 247 60

I love lovelove this quote!

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same

mistake twice.

y 78. cherylwrote on 25 April, 2008, 22:06

Vote: 59 132

life is not worth living if u do not have chocolate


19/25

what is stupid,crapppy, and a waste of paper?

homework!

y 79. J-Dogwrote on 26 April, 2008, 4:18

Vote: 147 31

to learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers

punish you when you get into trouble if you are only learning, which is exactly what they want you to do?

y 80. friendswrote on 29 April, 2008, 22:00

Vote: 366 53

I used to be normail until I met those losers I call my

BEST FRIENDS!!!!

y 101. MIwrote on 8 June, 2008, 19:36

Vote: 106 68

save the planet its the only one with beer

y 102.xXxAmandaxXxwrote on 12 June, 2008, 4:41

Vote: 134 69

so i ran into my ex the other day

then i put it in reverse and hit him again

y 103. Sherry Qadeerwrote on 13 June, 2008, 23:24

Vote: 58 89

Strength can only give you power, but hope can give you success.

y 104. Sherry Qadeerwrote on 13 June, 2008, 23:25

Vote: 45 84


20/25

My life is hard so stop making it harder and get out of my life

y 105. Frandiawrote on 15 June, 2008, 18:08

Vote: 165 78

So many men and yet so few brains.

y 106. ur momwrote on 1 July, 2008, 10:05

Vote: 65 108

Dont judge the book by its cover,

judge the cover by its book!

y 107. SlamDawgwrote on 7 July, 2008, 22:12

Vote: 64 129

Thou Shalt Not Stab Giraffe In Neck With Spoon

yeahthats right, i went there

y 108. Stevenwrote on 13 July, 2008, 17:21

Vote: 164 27

If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??

y 109. FRANCISCOwrote on 14 July, 2008, 3:56

Vote: 114 36

BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, SO DRINK DONT DRIVE!

y 110. URMOMSNEWBOYFRIENDwrote on 20 July, 2008, 0:59

Vote: 80 47

if love is blind then how did it find us???

y 111.xxemilylylyxxwrote on 21 July, 2008, 16:26

Vote: 127 38


21/25

my mom says pigs dont eat biscuits so i better take that one out of your hand

y 112. Clairewrote on 31 July, 2008, 16:43

Vote: 64 204

I am busy youre ugly, have a nice day

y 113.Xx.Cutie_Pie.xXwrote on 2 August, 2008, 11:15

Vote: 101 41

If I cant hear your heartbeat, youre too far away..


22/25

y 119. Robynwrote on 27 September, 2008, 16:37

Vote: 212 32

when life gives you lemons,

make grape juice,

then sit back,

and let the wold wonder how you did it.

y 120. Bethwrote on 4 October, 2008, 1:18

Vote: 122 16

Everyone has the right to their own opinion Yours is just wrong.

y 121. sammiewrote on 9 October, 2008, 10:17

Vote: 218 36

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

y 122. louisebobtewrote on 18 October, 2008, 22:57

Vote: 114 44

i only drink alchohol on days that end in y..

y 123. win_ringettewrote on 19 October, 2008, 19:04

Vote: 165 46

Why do they put pizza in a square box?


Vote: 104 47

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?


23/25


Vote: 237 31

Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?


Vote: 89 34

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

y 127. lulubug......xwrote on 5 November, 2008, 20:07

Vote: 66 145

what do you do with some cheese thats one year old?you sing it happy birthday!!!

y 128. Longfellowwrote on 19 November, 2008, 16:38

Vote: 124 22

When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.


Vote: 33 63

Video games are the only realities where we are anything but absolutely ordinary.


Vote: 71 30

True skill comes without effort.

y 131. itadakimasuwrote on 22 November, 2008, 3:27

Vote: 111 45

video games ruined my life. at least i have 2 left

y 132. therandomonewrote on 28 November, 2008, 3:55

Vote: 75 34


24/25

I used to be indecisive, but now Im not too sure.

y 133. cassiewrote on 28 November, 2008, 6:38

Vote: 69 44

losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

y 134. Nandishwrote on 28 November, 2008, 15:44

Vote: 106 46

When God made me, he was showing off!!

y

135. captaincrunchwrote on 1 December, 2008, 15:55

Vote: 132 77

vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

y 136. LMAOwrote on 2 December, 2008, 2:40

Vote: 152 37

You study to remember

If you remember too much you forget

If you forget you dont know what you studied

If you forgot what you studied you fail your test.

SO WHY STUDY?

xD

y 137. Chindhuwrote on 6 December, 2008, 16:46

Vote: 85 84

Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

y 138. Lykawrote on 16 December, 2008, 4:10

Vote: 85 62

dont face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe


25/25

y 139. akaalsinghwrote on 16 December, 2008, 20:11

Vote: 33 101

drugs kill slowly , so whos in a hurry

y 140. sophiawrote on 20 December, 2008, 9:34

Vote: 129 37

Why is is called a building when its already been built ?

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