Contact and family communication

in foster care, kinship care, and adoption

Montserrat Fargas Malet

Institute of Child Care Research

Queen’s University Belfast

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• Longitudinal study following a population of children who

were under 5 and in care in Northern Ireland on 31/03/2000

(n=374).

• Phase 3: Interviews with 75 families (the children and their

parents or carers) representing 5 placement types: adoption,

foster care, kinship care, residence order, and living with birth

parents. Conducted between March 2009-January 2010

• Quantitative and qualitative instruments were used. Range of

issues were explored: attachment, behaviour, education, etc.

The Care Pathways and Outcomes Study

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In this presentation…

• 3 types of placements: foster care, kinship care and adoption

• Two perspectives: the children and their adoptive parents,

foster and kinship carers

• Gathered through semi-structured interviews. For the children,

used an activity book (‘The Me Book’)

• Two main issues: contact with birth families; and family

communication about birth families/adoption

• Use of the concept of ambiguous loss

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Research participants

• 15 foster children and their foster carers;

• 10 children in kinship care and their carers, and one

additional kinship carer of two children (12 cases);

• 18 adopted children and their adoptive parents:

– 9 of the children adopted by previous foster carers;

– 9 of the children adopted by planned approved adopters

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Types of contact with birth families

• The majority of children (69%; 31 of 45) had face-to-face

contact with at least one birth relative:

– 93% of the foster children (14)

– 75% of the children in kinship care (9)

– 44% of the adopted children (67% / 6 of those adopted by

previous carers vs. 22% / 2 of those adopted by strangers)

• Only 9 had post-box contact (4 in kinship care; 3 adopted & 2

in foster care); and 8 had phone contact (5 in foster care).

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Face-to-face contact arrangementsWith one parent With both parents With at least 1 sibling Total

Foster care 10 2 11 15

Kinship care 3 3 8 12

Stranger adoption 0 1 1 9

Foster adoption 2 0 4 9

Total 15 6 24 45

• Most children in foster care having contact with parent/s had regular

infrequent contact (n=7), while all the children in kinship care that had

contact with parent/s had regular frequent contact.

• Most children in kinship care having contact with sibling/s had regular

frequent contact (n=6), while most children adopted by previous carers

(n=3) and in foster care (n=5) having contact with sibling/s had regular

infrequent contact.

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Children’s reactions to contact

• Different reactions to contact with different family members

• Reactions changed with time

• Situations had improved by modifying contact arrangements or

stopping contact

• Many were enjoying contact

• Adverse effects for a few

• Having to deal with family’s alcohol abuse or mental health

problems.

He didn’t understand, and was crying after mammy. … But

he’s grand now. If he sees her, he sees her, and if he doesn’t,

he doesn’t. He’s got to this stage now, that he doesn’t

care.

BOY IN KINSHIP

Whereas before they were in a family centre and the kids would be bored, but now that they are doing things together, maybe

going bowling or something, wee picnics and things like that to

make it a bit more interesting for them.

TWO BROTHERS IN FOSTER CARE

… they would see their mum, very affectionate towards her. As I said, hugs and that… so, they seem happy. They are

happy to see her, yet during… the rest of the week or

fortnight it’s not mentioned.

BOY IN FOSTER CARE

I like going down and seeing my mum.

BOY IN KINSHIP CARE

She sees the sisters quite often, and the mother just doesn’t show up half the time for visits and … When she

comes back, she’s a little moody and you’ve got to give her space for a

while, you know, because if she goes to a visit and her mother just doesn’t

show up, she’s devastated .

GIRL IN FOSTER CARE

[I wish] for my mummy and daddy to stop drinking.

R: … when you’re going to contact, would you think about them much?

Yeah. I can smell drink off their breath and all and smoke.

R: What does that make you feel like?

Sad. Well it’s not sad because I know they have a problem.

GIRL IN FOSTER CARE

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The concept of ‘ambiguous loss’

With birth parents With birth sibling/s

No contact but family

Contact & family

Contact but not family

No contact but family

Contact & family

Contact but not family

Foster care 4 6 2 2 10 2

Kinship care 2 5 0 2 7 1

Foster adoption

2 1 1 2 2 1

Stranger adoption 2 1 0 0 1 0

Total 10 13 3 6 20 4

Physically absent but psychologically

present

Psych. present but psych. absent

Physically absent but psychologically

present

Psych. present but psych. absent

I feel sad because I miss them

[birth parents]

I wish my real mum did care

about me and I feel good and

glad that I’m up here now… it’s better up here and I get into less trouble.

R: Can you think of anything that could make your life even

better?

I have a wee sister and she’s seven, and I never see her… I seen her

whenever she was four.

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Effects of contact on parents & carers

• Most parents and carers happy with their child’s contact

arrangements.

• A few kinship carers reported tensions in the relationship with

birth parents.

• A few adoptive parents were not keen on the idea of contact.

• Some worried about the potential harmful effects that contact

could have on the children.

• Satisfaction with contact arrangements depending on the

amount of control parents/carers felt they had

[I found contact] fine, fine. I would have a

relationship with [birth mum]. I would know her

well. I would chat away to her.

BOY IN FOSTER CARE

They ring her [birth mum] every week to see if she’s

going to come for contact. As far as I am concerned that’s not their job. If the mother

doesn’t want to make contact she should be phoning saying;

“I can’t make it this week”.

GIRL IN KINSHIP CARE

I would prefer that they [birth parents] are not in touch but we had to go by the court… I just don’t like them being in touch,

you know. They’re not their parents, we are. I did go along with it, but they are the ones that have broken the contact.

BOY IN FOSTER ADOPTION

…they [birth siblings] were texting her and she was texting

them and [birth sister] was telling her about her boyfriend and all that was going on… Oh!

I was just reading a text and there was far too much

information for Nicole’s age, you know.

GIRL IN FOSTER CARE… he is free to come between the

two houses at my discretion. I make the decision. You know, where his

mummy, she would ring me up, and say is it okay if Eoghan’s comes, and

that’s fine.

BOY IN KINSHIP CARE (with granny)

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Parents/carers attitudes towards sharing information about birth family

• Some parents/carers claimed they had shared all the information.

• Some adoptive parents actively concealed some information deemed

potentially harmful.

• Some adoptive parents explained past in an ‘age-appropriate’ way,

often involving masking reality to make it sound ‘less ugly’, or

emphasising positive aspects.

• Some parents/carers struggled to talk about these issues, and found

it hard to communicate potentially damaging information, e.g. birth

parents’ alcohol abuse, mental health problems, rejection and

physical abuse/neglect of child.

I worry about her because she has it in her head that she’s adopted, she wasn’t wanted… I tried to put

it that she was wanted and her mummy just wasn’t able to look after her and then how much I

wanted somebody and I got her.

GIRL IN FOSTER ADOPTION

Just she didn’t grow in Mummy’s tummy, she grew in somebody else’s tummy

and then we picked her especially. So that is really as

far as she understands.

GIRL IN STRANGER ADOPTION

… he knows his birth mum is dead but he doesn’t know that she had been murdered, he’s

too young you know, he doesn’t need to know that.

BOY IN STRANGER ADOPTION

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Children’s communication

• According to parents/carers, most children across the

placement did not tend to bring up the subject, BUT …

• Some asked questions or talked about particular issues;

• Some used to ask questions when they were younger but not

anymore; while

• Others never talked or asked questions BECAUSE…

– Already knew everything

– Had forgotten about it; or

– Were not curious/interested in finding out

At times, I just say about his sister, and he will ask why did she go to somebody else, and I say that when people are adopted that is

sometimes what happens … sometimes he would ask about his mum, why did she not come and see him, and I say ‘Well dear, I really can’t answer that.’ Because I really

don’t know why she didn’t do it.

BOY IN FOSTER ADOPTION

he would have asked questions and then we would

have gone to his wee life story book. Then there were

questions about why he was small and why he his mummy drank and things like that. But he doesn’t ask as much now.

BOY IN FOSTER ADOPTION

R: He doesn’t talk about the Mum and what happened with her?

No, no, no. He never talks about that actually. He never talks about why he was taken into care. But I think he knows himself why he was taken into care, he doesn’t need to ask the questions.

BOY IN FOSTER CARE

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Conclusions

• Children had different contact arrangements depending on placement type,

with children in foster and kinship care having more contact than adopted

children

• Differences were also found between parents’ and children’s accounts

• Children’s reactions to contact improved with time

• Although most children were happy with the level of contact, some missed their

birth families, and a few wished for more contact

• Some adopted children wished to know more about their birth families/included

them as part of their family, although their adoptive parents were not aware of

this.

• Some parents/carers found it difficult to share information with their children

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CONTACT DETAILS: Montserrat Fargas Malet

m.fargas@qub.ac.uk

+44 (0)28 90971176@MFargas_ICCR

www.qub.ac.uk/cpo

McSherry, Fargas Malet, & Weatherall (2013). Comparing long-term placements for young children in care. The Care Pathways and Outcomes Study –Northern Ireland . London:

BAAF

Thank you!