connecting with young people...PAGE // 02 CONNECTING WITH YOUNG PEOPLE Why create a resource about...

connecting with

young people

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This publication is produced by thePresbyterian Church of Aotearoa NewZealand. Special thanks to all those whoauthored material for the resourceincluding Ryhan Prasad, the Revs Mary-Jane Konings, Judy Te Whiu, and the RevDr Graham Redding.

Thanks also to the Revs Steve Jourdainand Geoff King, the Rt Rev PamelaTankersley and the Ministry of YouthDevelopment who peer reviewed thecontents of this resource. December 2007

PRAYER

Dear Lord our God, as we gather to reflecton our changing world may we rememberwith gratitude and humility that it is yourworld and your cherished people of whomwe speak.

Stir us with new possibility, enlarge uswith new understanding, enable us to dothe truth, by your Holy Spirit, in Jesus’name. Amen

Bible references given are from the New Revised Standard Version

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CONTENTS

Introduction PG 02

Reflection on the place of young people in the Bible PG 03

Study 1 – Connecting through identity PG 04

Study 2 – Connecting with relationships PG 08

Study 3 – Connecting with decision-making PG 14

Suggestions for further action and reading PG 19

Bibliography PG 20

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CONNECTING WITH YOUNG PEOPLEPAGE // 02

Why create a resource about young people?Because, despite being linked more thanever before through technology, GenerationY (as those under 25 are known) oftenstruggle to make real connections.

A world full of opportunity and promiseis available to Gen Yers, who are moremobile, adaptable and connected than theirparents, but unfortunately this promiseisn’t always realised.

Research shows that among New Zealand’s15-24-year-olds, suicide rates doubled inthe 30 years between 1950 and 1980,and then doubled again between 1980 andthe mid-1990s.1 While this trend is showingsigns of improvement, New Zealand stillhas one of the highest youth suicide ratesin the OECD.2

Parental separation, abuse and violenceare known to not only increase the chancesof suicidal behaviour, but research alsoshows that these things make young peoplevulnerable to developing mood disorders,substance abuse and suicidal behaviour inadulthood.3 Getting it right with today’syoung people will have a positive impacton tomorrow’s society.

One of the biggest social changes of thepast 40 years has been the loss of localcommunity4: Gen Yers now call the worldtheir backyard. Their mobility contributesto the difficulty making meaningfulconnections with others.

Young people also struggle with culturalidentity in our increasingly global society,sometimes looking overseas for rolemodels. Some young Kiwis modelthemselves on American gang culture, forexample. And the rise of celebrity culture

has made Gen Yers stars of the realityshows that are their lives, with fame andstatus becoming highly prized commodities.

What role does the Church have in helpingGen Yers find meaning and purpose in theirlives? How do we reconnect as individualsand as an institution with this generation,who make up around 12 percent of ourchurch members? How can we help themto hear the Good News in their language?How can we help them to connect in alife-changing way with God?

Anecdotally, we know that those churchesinvesting in children and families are thosethat are growing. Ask God how you canbest serve your community and the youngpeople at your doorstep?

Better inter-generational relationships andconnections are surely part of the answerto helping our young people realise thepromise that the world offers. That’s whythis resource has been produced.

We hope through considering the issuesin the studies that follow, that you’ll gaina better understanding of the issues facingtoday’s young people, and be inspired toserve, advocate for or mentor young peopleat your doorstep.

This resource can be used in a varietyof settings:

›› As a base for small group discussion

›› Three 45-minute workshops to beheld during a morning or similar service

›› A three-hour workshop including “live”two or three minute segments on someaspect of the topic.

INTRODUCTION

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Rev Dr Graham Redding – Principal, Knox Centre of Ministry and Leadership.Reflection on the place of young people in the Bible.

One of the recurring features of the dramaof salvation, as we see it unfolding in theOld Testament, is the prominence givento young people. Time and again we readof the Lord’s call being issued to peoplewho are not only tender in years (egJeremiah), but also last in the line in termsof family pecking orders (eg Jacob, Josephand David). In these core faith-narrativesthe singling out of the young andinexperienced to do the Lord’s work istestimony to divine freedom and grace.God is bound neither by human notions ofworthiness nor social convention. In thedivine economy, the first shall be last andthe last shall be first.

Less is said about young people in theNew Testament, but we do read in Luke’sGospel of the young Jesus lingering in thetemple in Jerusalem, and we note thespecial place that Jesus gave to childrenin his ministry. Jesus is known to havegathered children around him and blessedthem, and referred to them in his teachingabout the Kingdom of God. There is alsoan account of Him healing the daughter ofa man called Jairus.

From a biblical perspective, young peoplematter and are perfectly capable ofparticipating in the missio Dei. As theApostle Paul advises his young co-worker,Timothy, “Let no one despise your youth,but set the believers an example in speechand conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”(1 Timothy 4:12)

At the same time, it is worth stressing thatwhile young people have an intrinsic dignityand worth by virtue of their being madein the image of God, the Bible’s primary

SPEAKING FAITHFULLY

affirmation of them is in the context of acovenant community, within which theywitness patterns of faith-full living andlearn to detect and respond to God’s callon their lives. This call (to discipleship) isboth personal and communal. It is givennot to the autonomous individual, butrather to a person-in-community.

When we allow the Bible to shape ourworld view and we regard ourselves aspersons-in-community rather thanautonomous individuals, we come to realisethat relationships are not incidental to whowe are as human beings; they are intrinsic– even those relationships that lie outsideour inner circle of family and friends. Jesus’parable about the Good Samaritan makesthat very point.

Moreover, the call to discipleship leads toa distinctive way of living. Whether onereads the 10 Commandments, the Holinesscode, the pronouncements of the prophets,the Beatitudes or the Apostle Paul’sexhortations to Christian communities, oneis struck by just how radical and, indeed,demanding is the way of faith for eachgeneration.

Young people are not exempt from thechallenge. Nor are they on their own infacing it. In and through the waters ofbaptism they are grafted onto a communityof faith which, in terms of biblical teaching,is nothing less than the body of Christ.Baptism signifies the bestowal of anidentity that supersedes all others. It is anidentity that draws us into a life of worship,makes new claims upon our relationshipsand priorities, and compels us to seek themind of Christ in all things.


By Rev Judy Te Whiu

WHO AM I?It’s a frightening thought, not knowingwho you are. Yet many Gen Yers struggleto come to terms with their true identity.Unlimited access to the Internet has meantthey can go anywhere, anytime. Take, forinstance, the huge impact of Afro-Americanrap music, dance, dress code and gangassociation on New Zealand youth today.5 6

Searching for identity in the wrong places,can often leave one feeling like a mansuffering with amnesia, trapped inside aconcrete block, desperately seeking to befree and to know his true identity.7

An artist once asked Michelangelo whathe saw when he approached a hugeblock of marble. “I see a beautiful formtrapped inside,” he said, “and it is simplymy responsibility to take my mallet andchisel and chip away until the figureis free.”

God uses afflictions like a hammer andchisel, and chips and cuts to reveal Hisimage and identity in us; the beautifulform, the visible expression of “Christ inyou, the hope of glory”. (Colossians 1:27)To truly know and understand God, isto know our own identity, of who weare in Him.

EMPOWERING GEN YTO DISCIPLESHIPThe story of the Samaritan women at thewell is a story of vigorous questioning andsharing of needs and desires leading tounfolding faith. Today’s young people morethan ever, want room to grow.

Jesus challenged the Samaritan womanto discipleship. But his disciples felt thatshe was not someone Jesus shouldassociate with: firstly, because she was awoman and secondly, because she was aSamaritan. But Jesus began the relationshipanyway by asking her to do something hecould not – draw water from the well.(John 4:7)

Sometimes we need to take risks whenencouraging young people. We need toask the relevant questions, provokeanswers, and we will certainly benefitfrom asking them to do what we can’t.

Questions for reflection1. How has growing up in your era,

differed from those growing up today?

2. Are the pressures the same, how havethey changed and how did you copewith stress?

3. What expectations, values and moralsdid you grow up with?

4. What are the expectations of youngpeople in society and the Churchtoday?

STUDY ONE:

CONNECTING THROUGH IDENTITY

“Suicide is a serious heath

issue in this nation.”

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0101 “Young people don’t want to be told whatto do – they want to understand why theyare doing it.”


5. How can we encourage young peopleand share our faith with them?

6. How would you prove from your Biblethat God is a real, living being tosomeone who has no understanding?

WHAT’S HAPPENING INNEW ZEALAND?The rate of social change and competitionfor training and job opportunities isincreasing the stress on young people.This is reflected in rising mental healthissues for this group. Over the past 40years, the youth population has not sharedthe health gains of other populationgroups.8

Suicide is a serious health issue in thisnation and is the second leading cause ofdeath in New Zealand’s young people (aftermotor vehicle crashes). It accounts forapproximately 25 percent of all deaths ofthose aged 15-24.9 10

Despite the significant increase in youthsuicide since the 1980s, there are signsthat the tide is starting to turn, in particularwith male suicides, which have declinedby 46 percent in the last 10 years.11

Psychiatric illness is the strongest riskfactor for suicidal behaviour. The clearmajority of young people (around 90percent) who die by suicide or makeserious suicide attempts have at least onerecognisable psychiatric disorder at thetime of their attempt.12

As societal pressures make it increasinglydifficult for young people to cope, manyare forced to live in a world of despair andcultural isolation. The greatest challenge

for the Church, perhaps, is in finding waysto reach out to Gen Yers, without addingany further stumbling blocks.

REAL LIFE: Tame was a young fit,intelligent man of 25 and was unem-ployed. He had three beautiful childrenand a loving supportive wife. He loved todive for kaimoana (seafood) and fish andhunt whenever he could; he played a verygood game of rugby too. But Tame alsosuffered a bipolar disorder, so he wasdepressed most of the time. He was oftenaggressive and took it out on those heloved. To calm his mood he becamedependent on drugs and alcohol, whichonly worsened his condition. Hospitaldrugs put him in a zombied state and hefelt that he had no control over his life.Often he would speak of ending his life,but no one really took him seriously.

One day, after his wife and children hadleft him, he took a rope and hung himselfon a tree outside the family home.

Questions for reflection

1. How would you react if someonereached out to you in confidence, andtold you that they wanted to endtheir life?

2. What do you think Jesus would havesaid and done?

3. Do you think the Church is ready toacknowledge the hopelessness thatmany young people face today?

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Urgent Prayer For our Youth:“I’m in over my head.” (Psalm 69:1-5)

Father, it feels like I’m in an impossiblesituation with no way out. I need to feelYour presence, the encouragement of YourHoly Spirit, and to be reminded that allthings are possible with You. On the outsidethings look hopeless. Bring the answersof Heaven to my situation and touch mewith Your grace. Thank you that you aremy God and with You nothing is impossible.Amen

HOPE FOR THE FUTUREIf we’re a Church that reflects the fullexpression of Jesus Christ on Earth, howcan we ensure that the youth of this nationwalk the road of life and not stumble?

The Psalmist David answered “By guardingit according to your word”. (Psalm 119:9)David continued by saying, “With my wholeheart I seek you; do not let me stray fromyour commandments! I treasure your wordin my heart, so that I may not sin againstYou.” (Psalm 119:10-11)

If the Word of God is a treasure worthhiding, then surely it is a treasure worthfinding! To hear the voices of young peoplein this nation resounding those words fromthe lament of David, is a future worthhoping for. God has promised that if wetrain our children in the way they shouldgo, when they are older they will notdepart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

This was powerfully illustrated in the lifeof Daniel, the young prince of Judah whowas taken captive by Nebuchadnezzar.

Daniel is a good example for young peopletoday. He determined that he would followthe Word of God no matter what. Thebiggest test for Daniel was when he wasoffered food that was forbidden in Leviticallaw. In his heart he knew he would notdefile himself with the portion of the King’smeat or wine. His humble refusal resultedin respect, and his determination to honourGod first, marked him as a young manwith a future. (Daniel 1:8)

A MESSAGE FOR OUR YOUTHA relationship with God can bringunderstanding, order and power in bothphysical and spiritual life. When we’reconnected with God will we discover ourtrue identity and worth. He triumphed overdeath, and did this so that we might gofree, so that we can spend eternity inheaven with Him. Our God is alwaysfaithful, even if when we’re defeated,fearful or tempted. Even though we maynot see God, we haven’t been abandoned.His faithfulness can be trusted, offeringsure hope for any situation in our lives.

“Come to the Father, though your gift issmall. Broken hearts, broken lives – Hewill take them all. There is power inGod’s word: everything was done, so youwould come”.

CHECK OUT: the “Getting Involved”section on pg 19 for practical ideasand suggestions about how to supportthe young people at your doorstep.


By Rev Mary-Jane Konings

Counsellors are reporting that New Zealand’s Gen Yers are swapping face-to-facerelationships for a virtual life, keeping in touch via email, texting and social networkingsites on the web. The way that people relate to one another continues to change.The value of a church community where all ages worship and share their livestogether is becoming increasingly important. While the web allows virtual communitiesto gather around common interests, the joy and frustration of the church is that verydifferent people are drawn together by one God.

Relationships, relationships, relationships.Whether they are good, bad or ugly,everyone has relationships, and for youngpeople, connecting in relationship is a keypart of life. This study is designed to startsome discussion around what the Biblesays about relationships with each otherand with the creator of the universe.

›› In 2006, there was almost onedivorce for every two marriages.13

›› Compared to other similar countries,NZ has a high rate of teenagersbearing children.14

›› Research shows that people whoaren’t getting on with their parentshave a higher r isk of hurt ingthemselves deliberately.15

THE GOODThe starting point for Christians is arelationship with God. Have a look at thesestories, which remind us that God createsus and calls us into relationship throughJesus, a relationship sustained by theHoly Spirit.

STUDY TWO:

CONNECTING WITH RELATIONSHIPS

Jump-in activity

(You’ll need fat crayons, A3 paper and adecent flat surface to draw on.)

Draw a mind map (a diagram arrangedradially around a central key word or idea)of you and your relationships. Draw asmany as you can – the good and bad.Remember to put God in your map. Addsome words that describe the kind ofrelationships you have, or maybe drawthem as symbols.

Check out these stories

›› Adam, Eve and God in the Garden(Genesis 3:1-21)

›› Jesus calls us friends (John 15: 9-17)

›› New relationship in Christ (Galatians3:26-4:7)

“Gen Y are swapping

face-to-face relationships

for a virtual world.”

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“When there is no intimacy, no previous historyof trust, no familiarity or basis for comfort andsecurity... then there is very little real relationship.”02


Questions for groups

1. How can the Genesis story be a

resource for th ink ing about

relationships?

2. Does the idea of “respect” make a

difference to relationships? What

does it look like, feel like or sound

like to you?

3. In John 15, Jesus calls his followers

“friends” – what does say about

the kind of relationship God wants

with people?

4. Can you describe differences in the

way you relate to people depending

on the technology you are using?

5. From Galatians, what makes people

children of God? And what does God’s

spirit do? What difference does this

new relationship in Jesus make?


1. If personal relationships in life are

difficult, is there time and energy for

spiritual journeys?

2. What were relationships like when you

were growing up?

3. When first introduced, commentators

said telephones would ruin relation-

ships, but now we can’t imagine life

without them. What effects can you

see technology has on the way people

relate to one another?

Reality check: What does friendship mean?

Is a friend someone who tells you what

you want to hear or the truth, even if it’s

difficult, distressing or disturbing.…

Take home the message: God loves us so

much that he sent Jesus to tell us and

show us how to be friends with God and

to make that possible for us.

THE BADWhat many people don’t realise about theBible is that it’s full of stories about peoplewho didn’t get it right. It’s also full ofstories about God who keeps doing theunexpected, like forgiving people whodon’t really seem to deserve it…

›› Fewer people are getting marriedAND more people are gett ingdivorced.16

›› Research shows that relationshipdifficulties are common triggers fordeliberate self-harm among youngpeople.17

REAL LIFE: Becoming a Christianchanged Em's whole attitude to relation-ships. It wasn't easy, because some ofhis mates couldn't handle the difference.But Em discovered that knowing thathe was loved and accepted by Godmade it easier to hang in there whenrelationships got a bit tricky. He startedlooking out for ways to be a betterfriend, rather than asking what was init for him all the time.

Christians talk about forgiveness becausewhen we ask God forgives us, and we’resupposed to forgive others. What mightthis mean today?


1. What expectations did you grow upwith about relationships?

2. What impact do you think the wayteenagers relate, via texting and online,has on the way they relate to oneanother and others?

3. The Trinity is an image of a dynamic,interpersonal relationship that we’reinvited to be a part of through Christ.How does this image change ourrelationships with one another?

Take home message: People, left to theirown devices, can get into all sorts oftrouble. But this is not the end of the story.God works in broken lives.

Reality check: It can be hard to get yourhead around the things that people do.But even a great king like David mademistakes.

REAL LIFE: Tio grew up hearing Biblestories but it was a bit of a shock to thesystem when he started to read the Biblefor himself, especially the Old Testamentwhich was full of sex and violence. Itbothered him for a while, although it alsomade the stories seem, well, a bit morereal. Even the heroes had faults – Noahgot drunk, Jonah ran away, David had anaffair, and God still included them inhis plan of salvation.

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Jump-in activity

(You’ll need a pen, A3 paper and a decent

flat surface to draw on.)

Draw a picture of you in the middle of the

paper. Now, on the left, use a different

colour to draw some of the positive things

about being in relationship. And, on the

right, in a different colour again, draw

some of the negatives.

Step back and look at the page. Can you

add in something to help deal with or

manage the negatives?


›› Abraham and Abimelech (Genesis 20:

1-13)

›› The story of Tamar (Genesis 38:1-26)

›› David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11)


1. Why did Abraham lie? Did it solve his

problem?

2. In a culture where women didn’t have

much power, what is significant about

Tamar’s action? (What might have

happened for Tamar in New Zealand?)

3. David is said to be “a man after God’s

own heart”. What do you think?

4. How can these Biblical stories inform

and shape contemporary relationships?

5. What are some of the ways that

relationships go wrong in your culture?


THE UGLYLook around. The results of brokenrelationships are all around us; hurtingpeople who in turn go onto hurt otherpeople. People are spending more timeinteracting with technology and as a result,have less experience and less skill inrelationships. But what are you going todo? In this study, we look at someresources for relationships.

›› NZ has a high abort ion rate,compared to other countr ieslike us.18

›› Almost half of all divorces in 2005involved families with children under17 years of age.19


›› Don’t stay angry (Matthew 5:21-24)

›› Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15: 36-41)

›› Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-26)


1. Jesus sets a high standard for forgivingpeople. What happens if people stayangry with each other?

2. Christians aren’t immune fromarguments – read the Acts 15 story!Do you agree with Paul or Barnabas?

3. Why do you think the writer neededto remind the readers to “keep in stepwith the Spirit”? (Galatians 5:24) Ifthese verses from Galatians were ameasuring stick, how would therelationships you are involved in fare?

4. What are some positive qualities inrelationships: Respect? Listening?Always responding to your txt? Makea list and keep it around for a while.

5. Describe some of the good relationshipsyou have seen – what do you reallylike? What do you think makes thoserelationships healthy?

6. How do you rate your relationshipskills? Fair? Average? Why do youthink that is?

“The results of broken

relationships are all around

us; hurting people who go

on to hurt others.”

Jump in activity

(You’ll need a pen, A3 paper and a decentflat surface to draw on.)

Draw what happens when young childrenhave an argument over which TV programto watch and it isn’t resolved or settled.Now add in some suggestions for defusingthe conflict. How might these ideas workfor adults in other situations…

“God works in broken lives”

REAL LIFE: Tala knew she was taking arisk marrying out of her culture. But sheand Matt were determined to make theirrelationship work. They worked onlistening to each other, talked about theniggles before they became explosionsand invested in marriage enrichment booksand weekends away. 'Lots of our friendsare divorced now' she says 'but we'reenjoying each other. We've put lots oftime and energy in. Good relationshipsdon't just happen.


1. What do you know about relationshipsnow that you wish you knew whenyou were a young person?

2. What resources did you have growingup that aren’t around these days?

3. Where do we experience forgivenessin our society?

REAL LIFE: Ted was pretty unhappy athis sister’s choice of friends, especiallywhen she starting spending more time atthe boyfriend’s house than at home. Thewhole group thrived on creating dramas.Then his sister became pregnant, and thearguments started. Abortion? Move intogether? Everyone had an opinion, butin the end, Ted watched the friends fadeaway and his sister came home…

Reality check: Some people seem to havethe skills needed to build and maintaingood relationships and others, well, don’t.But there are some skills for goodrelationships that can be seen, learnt,practised and shared around. Jesus givesus a few clues – don’t stay mad at people,go and sort it out, forgive one another.

Take home message: Relationships arecomplicated. However, God invites usto be reconciled with Him and witheach other.

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THE LAST WORDA relationship with the living God isn’t amagic wand that fixes everything, but Godhas gone to extraordinary efforts so thatpeople can be in relationship with Him,and love one another.

World peace may be out of our reachtoday, but what we can all commit to ishaving decent relationships, so far aswe are able to. Good relationships don’tjust happen, they are built by investingtime, patience and a whole lot of love,through Jesus Christ, in the power ofthe Holy Spirit.

CHECK OUT: the “Gett ingInvolved” sect ion on pg 19 forpractical ideas and suggestionsabout how to support theyoung people at your doorstep.


By Ryhan Prasad

The previous two studies have looked atthe identity of New Zealand’s GenerationY and how important relationships are tothem. This study will bring togetherelements of both these areas because bothidentity and relationships have a directtranslation on how young people makedecisions. This study will focus on howwe can positively support Gen Y to makegood decisions on their journey throughlife. It’ll look at ways young people makedecisions, and look at the place the Churchneeds to be to offer the most support itcan to our young people.

WHAT IS GEN Y’S WORLDVIEW?


›› Keep your eye on the highest goal(Philippians 4: 4-8)

›› Log in our own eyes (Luke 6: 39-42)

Sometimes we assume that young people’sworldview is the same as ours and thisinfluences how we relate to them. Thisassumption impairs our efforts to createreal lasting relationships with young people.Gen Yers are more connected toinformation now than they’ve ever been.This means they may hold a very pluralisticview of things, which is especially true ofunchurched young people.

The Church’s young people have their ownvalues, which in many cases are not thesame as ours. These days, young peopleknow a lot more about the “hard” issuesthan we give them credit for. If we don’tthink about this when we relate to them,we run the risk of turning them away bytelling them what’s right and wrong ratherthan exploring the issues alongside them.


1. What shapes your own worldview?

2. What influences this study group’sworld-view?

3. Thinking of the Luke 6 story, can youidentify something that might be a“log” in your eyes?

HOW DO YOUNG PEOPLEMAKE DECISIONS?


›› Chosen people (1 Peter 1: 9-2)

›› Doing in Jesus’ name (Colossians 3:15-23)

The decision-making skills of olderadolescents are far from perfect, as arethose of adults. Indeed some researchershave recently found that adolescents andadults do not differ in their decision-makingskills20. It’s the factors that contribute tothe decision-making process that we needto look at and understand.

STUDY THREE:

CONNECTING WITH DECISION-MAKING

“Meaningful, loving relationships are not abouttelling young people what to do but aboutjourneying together with them as they learn.”03

PAGE // 15


Young people:

›› Make decisions relationally

›› Fear judgement and resent being told

what to do

›› Aren’t stupid – they just have different

priorities than adults, which gives them

a more short-term focus. ie. What’s

the best thing for me now?

›› Are emotional and passionate.


1. Think for a minute, would you listen

to anyone telling you what to do if

they weren’t interested in you as

a person?

2. How do you gather information to

make good decisions? Do young people

do it any differently?

Reality check: There aren’t many differ-

ences in how young people and adults

make decisions: whether we’re young or

old all of the above factors influence us in

differing degrees. The area where adults

often get tripped up is in assuming that

young people’s wants and needs are of

secondary importance to what we’re trying

to share with them.

Last word: Young people respond to

relationships based on mutual love and

respect. That’s why youth work is relational

in nature and takes time. The love and a

respect of a child for a parent comes with

time spent together and not simply by a

parent-say and child-do mentality.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE KEY

Check out this story

›› Building foundations (Luke 6: 46-49)

Relationships play an important role inhow Gen Yers make decisions. Youngpeople will usually consult with their closestfriends and people they trust before theymake decisions.

There are potential high-risk situationswhere this is not always the case and theycan include decisions where:

›› Judgment is impaired by alcoholor drugs

›› Peer pressure is present

›› Emotions are running high.

Young people are better able to managethese situations if they’ve previously beenimpacted positively by good relationships.If relationships are so key in the decisionmaking of young people, what are wedoing as a Church to build strong keyrelationships with them?

Gen Yers need both strong peer and adultrelationships – in fact young people needto have at least six adults in their life thatthink the world of them21.


1. Think of some of the young people

you know, do they have six loving

adults in their lives?

2. According to Jesus in Luke 6, what is the

foundation for building your life on?

REAL LIFE: Jo was pretty unhappy. Shewas getting a hard time from her matesat school and couldn’t understand whatwas going on. Then someone pointed outthe difference between “acquaintances”– people who you hung out with, and“friends” – people who care about you,the way God loves people. She realisedthat her mates were “acquaintances” whowere using her as entertainment. Shestarted to change who she spent timewith. Life is a lot sweeter when youhaven’t got people pulling you down allthe time.

PAGE // 17

HOW CAN THE CHURCH HELP?


›› He called a child (Matthew 18: 1-7)

›› Setting a good example (1 Peter 5: 3)

If we’re trying to help our young peoplemake positive decisions we need to makesure adults are forming good relationshipswith them. This can be hard in a societywhere single parent families and a lack ofextended family are now so prevalent.This is why trained youth workers are soimportant: they help many of our youngpeople form strong positive relationshipswith adults.

Youth workers can be volunteer or paidbut the most important thing is that theyare trained. Together with the many otheradults who influence our young people –teachers, sports coaches, work colleagues,extended family – youth workers can bean important part of the decision-makingprocess for Gen Yers.

Reality check: With good relationships wecan more effectively engage with youngpeople. By understanding their world (orat least empathizing with it!) and bytreating their situations with respect andsentiment, we can connect with them aswe would any other adult. We aren’t thereto tell them what to do: we’re there tosupport them, share and to help themmake good decisions. Young people wantto be loved and respected.

Take home message: It’s quite a radicalshift in thought for many of us, and it’s

easy to fall into the trap of thinking oncewe have achieved adulthood we know allthere is to know and that young peopleshould listen to our answers. This isn’t theway Jesus thought about it though.

Gen Yers have a different perspective fromolder people, so being vigilant about notplacing our own agenda on them isimportant. We must constantly humbleourselves in order to receive young peoplein the name of Christ. Sometimes stumblingblocks – like worship style – make itdifficult for Gen Yers to become involved.

A strong factor in worship for young peopletoday is music, especially the morecontemporary style. Hymns are notsomething that today’s young people havegrown up with, so hymns are not whatthey connect with. Could we bemeeting young people where they areand provide some form of music thatthey connect with?



1. How much are we willing to humble

ourselves?

2. What stumbling blocks are present in

your parish that may stop young

people getting involved?

3. Would you rather sing five hymns

and have no young people or four

contemporary songs and one hymn

and have young people present?

Last word: Having a truly servant heart

and putting our own worship needs behind

us will help young people become involved.

It will enhance their church experience.

Mature Christians are able to find God in

all forms of worship, so take up the

challenge and consider how things could

be changed to make room for the

preferences of others.

Make the needs of young people a high

priority for our Church, which is in a state

of decline with most members over the

age of 50. We need to urgently address

this gap in our Church community, because

without young people in our Church where

is our future?

CHECK OUT: the “Gett ingInvolved” sect ion on pg 19 forpractical ideas and suggestionsabout how

GETTING INVOLVED:Suggestions for further action and reading

PAGE // 19

›› Mentor a young person – think aboutestablishing an intentional mentoringrelationship with a young person inyour life – listening, teaching, actingas a sounding board and allowingmistakes. Scripture gives us plentyexamples of mentors, like Ruth andNaomi and Moses and Joshua. Checkout the Mentoring Guide available fromthe Presbyterian Youth Ministry officefor practical ideas about mentoring ayoung person.

›› Prayer – Strengthen young peoplewith your prayers.

›› Volunteer at a local agency thatsupports or assists young people –community organisations always needextra hands. Some great organisationsinclude:

- Project K – a programme designedto inspire 14-15-year-olds tomaximise their full potential. Seewww.projectk.co.nz for more info.

- Presbyterian Support offer a varietyof pro-grammes for young people thathelp build self-esteem, conflict

resolution and relationship skills.See www.ps.org.nz for details ofprogrammes offered in your region.

- Check out the Youth Mentoring TrustNew Zealand website for informationand programmes in your areahttp://www.youthmentoring.org.nz

›› Build intentional, trust-basedrelation-ships with young peoplearound you. Listen and act on theirconcerns, even if it may involve somesacrifice on you’re part. Visualise theirdreams. Respect their uniqueness. Putyourself in their shoes.

›› Be a role model – exhibit behaviouryou’d like to see the young peoplearound you exhibit. Be intentionalabout it.

›› Support your youth leaders – invitethem to dinner, ask them questionsabout the kids in youth group, or offerto help. Interact with them on theirterms and on their turf by showinggenuine interest in their activities.

›› For your safety and that of any young people you may become involved withthrough mentoring or other support, it is vital to ensure that appropriately trainedpeople are available to provide advice should a situation arise that is outsideyour field of expertise. Refer to the Church’s Code of Conduct for working withChildren and Young People. When appropriate a referral to a professional serviceprovider should be given.

›› Be a positive parent – young peoplebenefit from loving relationships withtheir parents. Link in with positiveparenting organisations in your areaand find out how you can supporttheir work, or host a programme atyour parish.

›› Identify the pressing issues facingyoung people in your area, and developa mission project to help – do youngpeople need somewhere safe tocongregate? How about building acloser relationship with a localhigh school?

›› Employ a youth worker to help buildbridges with the young people in yourcommunity through schools and otherplaces young people congregate.Consider funding the youth workerby joining together with anotherlocal parish.


FURTHER READINGKonings, Mary-Jane and Chris (2007)Mentoring Guide: (the Penguins Guide),Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa NewZealand, Wellington. (Available from thePresbyterian Youth Ministry office byemailing [email protected])

Maxell J, Dornan J (1997) Becoming aperson of influence: how to positivelyimpact the lives of others. Thomas Nelson

Stewart S Rev (1991) How to keep theyoung people you have and get more.Presbyterian Church.

Hawkins T, Fruit that will last. HawkinsMinistry Resources.

www.nzaahd.org.nz - New ZealandAssociation for Adolescent Health andDevelopment (NZAAHD) is a nationalnetwork organisation for people who workwith those aged 12 to 25.

www.youthtrain.com - sources NewZealand and international information andreading around youth work.

www.myd.govt.nz - information aboutissues, programmes and services foryoung people.

BIBLIOGRAPHY1. Collings S, Blakely T, Atkinson J, Fawcett J

(2005) Suicide trends and Social Factors New

Zealand 1981-1999 Analyses from the New

Zealand Census Mortality Study. Ministry of

Health, Wellington.

2. Ministry of Health (2006) Suicide facts: 2004-

2005 data.

3. Beautrais AL, (2003) Life course factors

associated with suicidal behaviours in young

people. American Behavioural Scientist 46(9):

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Ehrhardt P, et al.(2005) Suicide Prevention:

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4. Ward K, (2005) Church in a community of

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5. Peck M Scott, (1987) The different drum:

community-making and peace. Arrow Books,

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6. Ihaka J, (1994) Why the kids wanna be black.

Mana Magazine. Mana Productions, Rotorua.

7. Gilliam-Weeks D (Ed) (1990) Listening to the

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11. See note 2.

12. See note 9.

13. Statistics New Zealand (2007) Marriages, Civil

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14. Statistics New Zealand (2003) Teen fertility

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16. See Note 13.

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18. Statistics New Zealand (2007) Abortion

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19. See Note 13.

20. Santrock J, (2001) Adolescence (8th ed).

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21. Lloyd M, (2002) The Invisible Table. Dunmore

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Published by the Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa New Zealand

Level 1, Terralink House, 275-283 Cuba Street, Wellington

Postal address: PO Box 9049, Wellington, New Zealand

Phone 04 801 6000 Fax 04 801 6001 www.presbyterian.org.nz

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