CONNECT WITH YOUR VULNERABILITY

Reap rewards from exposing your weaknesses, mistakes and insecurities.

Slide Doc by Jeri Dube

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A New Perspective –vulnerability as a communications tool for leaders

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table of contents

Vulnerability at Work – benefits of showing flaws and weaknesses

09Historic Displays – leaders who braved vulnerability16

Stepping Up to Vulnerability –enlarge your life25Acknowledgements –recognizing those who inspired and contributed to this slide doc

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A New Perspective

Pierced veneer

Isn’t vulnerability a bad thing?

What does it mean to show your vulnerability?

Admission: Vulnerability is uncomfortable

A new way to look at vulnerability

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Pierced VeneerLong before I ever thought about

vulnerability as a part of a leader’s

communication toolkit, I wrote a flash

fiction piece that tapped into an

employee’s desire to connect with

her company’s top executive.

In the story, fate brings an ambitious

but unrecognized saleswoman face

to face with her CEO in an elevator.

His attitude of superiority makes her

so unsure of herself that she can’t

figure out how to engage this master

of the universe in a conversation

during the ride. Desperate to break

through his icy polish and poise, she

plants a passionate kiss on his lips

just before the doors open on his

floor.

While this fictional woman’s

approach was far to the left of

appropriate, her feelings are

common. Employees want a view of

their leaders that often remains

hidden—the human side.

Two and half years ago when she

had joined a Big Four Accounting

Firm, Margo Hackel heard a top

leader strike the right balance

between professionalism and

humanity for the first time in her

career. And she had been working

with Fortune 50 companies for more

than 10 years.

When a leader connects with his

people, he engages them. One brief

but meaningful encounter can do

wonders for an employee’s

motivation.

This slide doc makes a case that

publically revealing vulnerability is a

worthwhile and worthy business

practice. And if done correctly, it can

help you avoid inappropriate elevator

encounters!

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Isn’t “vulnerability” a bad thing?

“Yes, I really mean

communicate your

vulnerability.”

When I mentioned the idea of

making vulnerability a part of leaders’

communication repertoire, especially

when addressing their teams, a

fellow communications professional

wasn’t sure he heard me right.

He was astounded that I wanted to

advise executives to leave

themselves open to harm as a way to

communicate with employees. He

then proceeded to read me the

definition below (omitting #4.)

It took me a while to explain that I

didn’t want leaders to make

themselves vulnerable, but rather

leverage the vulnerability that every

human experiences. And by sharing

at this level—revealing a personal

weakness, admitting ignorance or

apologizing for a mistake—better

connect with their team.

While I was initially taken aback that

my colleague didn’t immediately

recognize what I was asking leaders

to do, I now understand why we

surprised each other. Revealing

vulnerability is a paradox: Yes, it can

expose you to harm, but it’s actually a

display of strength and a powerful

means of expression.

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Showing your Vulnerability

It’s as much about intent as content.

What it isn’t What it is

A sign of weakness. The courage to admit weaknesses, mistakes or

ignorance. A heroic win over the impulse not to address it

at all.

A way to manipulate others’ emotions. A guileless admission that lets people see you or your

situation more clearly.

A dramatic display of emotion. A sincere sharing that may or may not be emotion-filled.

Sincerity, rather than intensity, is what matters.

An attitude or perhaps veneer of humility. A revelation of something that most people don’t know

about you and that isn’t obvious from appearances.

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RevealingVulnerability is uncomfortable

Just because something’s

uncomfortable doesn’t mean

you shouldn’t do it.

Researcher, psychologist and

vulnerability/connection expert Brené

Brown says:

Vulnerability is the combination of

uncertainty, risk and emotional

exposure.

So, of course revealing it is

uncomfortable. The fact that it is hard

and maybe even painful is why

communicating with vulnerability isn’t

a sign of weakness. Taking on an

emotionally difficult task takes

courage and self-confidence.

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A new way to look at “vulnerability”

When you intentionally reveal

vulnerability, you are reaching

out to connect.

After having studied it for years, Dr.

Brené Brown has concluded that:

Vulnerability is the origin point for

innovation, adaptability, accounta

bility, and visionary leadership.

Dr. Brown’s research shows that ―we

try to ward off disappointment with a

shield of cynicism, disarm shame by

numbing ourselves against joy, and

circumvent grief by shutting off our

willingness to love.‖ She teaches us

to become aware of these patterns

so we see how much we “sacrifice

in the name of self-defense.”

She asserts that you will gain if you

have the courage to drop the shields

that protect you from feeling

vulnerable. And that gain is huge

because it opens you up to the

experiences that bring purpose and

meaning to your life.

Vulnerability at Work

Enrich your environment

Teaming

Scientific support

Common sense

Brad Smith

Lauren Dixon

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When you make yourself Vulnerableyou enrich your environment with…

Exposing your vulnerability keeps

you real in the eyes of those who

work for you. It demonstrates you

trust them.

On the flip side, when you don’t keep

it real, people recognize it as a

façade. They know that you’re not

telling them everything. And your lack

of trust makes them mistrustful.

If you can talk about when you

weren’t at your best and then how

you worked through that period, you

inspire your people. It helps them get

through their own hard times and

motivates them to work harder for

you.

And contrary to what many

think, showing your warts makes you

more likeable. Nobody likes someone

who’s perfect because everyone

knows that’s not real.

When you admit to your team that

you’ve made a mistake, it sends a

huge message. “IT’S OKAY TO

MESS UP.”

When employees see that

sometimes failure is an option, they

aren’t afraid to try something new.

And by the way, making a mistake is

one of the ways humans learn best.

So if you want to nurture a learning

environment, showing your

vulnerabilities is as useful as

encouraging experimentation and

providing feedback.

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Your vulnerability can make or break your team

Certified master coach Keith Rosen

asserts that the performance level of

your team depends on creating an

environment where you and

everyone else are comfortable

showing vulnerability.

Think how powerful your team can be

if they are deeply connected because

they understand each other’s

strengths and

weaknesses, successes and failures

as well as passions and fears.

“The most powerful leaders

are the ones who are willing to

risk losing face in front of their

team in order to encourage an

atmosphere where their

people would be willing to

take the same risks

themselves.”

Keith Rosen – named one of five

most influential coaches by Inc.

Magazine and Fast Company

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Supporting Evidence from Science

Self Determination Theory

Daniel Pink writes about the many

studies performed by a global

network of scientists organized and

established by University of

Rochester professors Edward L. Deci

and Richard M. Ryan. They foundthat

human beings ―have an innate drive

to be autonomous, self-determined

and connected to one another. When

that drive is liberated, nourished and

encouraged people achieve more

and live richer lives.‖

Vulnerability is one way you can

release that innate drive. It’s the part

that feeds connection!

Vulnerability is what feeds connection and compassion.

Studies of Compassion

In a study out of Wharton, Sigal

Barsade and co-author Olivia O’Neill

uncovered that units in a long-term

care facility with higher levels of

compassionate love had less burnout

and absenteeism. When the work

culture promoted compassionate love

employees were more engaged,

better at teaming and more satisfied.

Although the initial work was in a

health care facility, the researches

followed up with a study that included

seven different industries and more

than 3,000 employees. The

conclusion from the second project

was that ―a culture of compassionate

love positively correlated with job

satisfaction, commitment to the

company and accountability for

performance.‖

There’s a natural link between

vulnerability and compassion.

Vulnerability must be present

wherever there’s compassionate

love.

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Common Sense Intent

Keith Rosen cautions people about

being sincere with their vulnerability.

He says, ―Your display of

vulnerability must be genuine and

authentic or you will risk losing the

trust that may have already been

present.‖

Inauthentic vulnerability or rather

giving the appearance of being

vulnerable is simply manipulation.

Relevance

One year at a kickoff, a new sales

leader let down his armor and

became very emotional about an

employee who was fighting a losing

battle with cancer. In the audience of

about 2,000 people, probably 30

knew who the leader was talking

about and so most people didn’t

understand this display of

vulnerability. It’s not that they were

cold and heartless, they just weren’t

sure why this was part of the

presentation.

The sales leader wasn’t wrong to

share his sadness and worry. He just

didn’t choose the right audience. Had

he gathered the team who worked

closely with this sick colleague, it

would have been a very powerful and

emotional moment.

Always know your reason for sharing vulnerability and its relevance to your audience.

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Brad Smith shows his vulnerability

Intuit is consistently ranked as one of

the 100 best places to work.

In a LinkedIn article Brad Smith

writes, ―Deep down inside, each of us

is painfully aware of the chinks in our

own armor… and having the strength

to express this common truth makes

your teams feel better about both

you, and themselves.

Showing vulnerability does not

undercut a leader’s capacity to

inspire teams, but rather it enhances

it. Role modeling that life is an

experiment, openly admitting and

learning from your own shortcomings

and mistakes creates an environment

for others to do the same. It is one of

the ways we move forward and grow

as individuals, and as teams.‖

When you show your

vulnerability, you sacrifice a

little bit of pride for the good

of your team. It’s not only

brave, it’s unselfish.

CEO and President

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Lauren Dixon shows her vulnerability

Dixon Schwablhas been recognized

as one of the Top 25 Best Small

Companies To Work For In America

by the Great Place to Work Institute

for the past nine years.

When it comes to having the tough

conversations Lauren does it sooner

rather than later. And when she

does, it’s with complete transparency

so that no one gets the chance to fill

in any blanks.

Last summer Lauren’s firm had to let

go of several leaders, when even

after months of coaching they still

didn’t align with the company’s core

values. On the day these people left,

Lauren brought the entire company

together to explain and admit that

hiring this misaligned crew had been

a mistake.

In her crisis communications

work, Lauren tells her media

relations clients that the more

transparent you are with bad

news, the faster the story dies.

This holds equally true when

dealing with with employees.

CEO

Her candidness and speed paid off

when only days later, the atmosphere

throughout the building was

cleansed. Everyone was energized

and much happier.

Historic Displays of Vulnerability

Sojourner Truth

Woodrow Wilson

George Patton

Richard Nixon

Jesse Jackson

Steve Jobs

John McCain

Gloria Steinem

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Sojourner Truth

Sojourner Truth, an advocate for equal rights for all women and men, was

born into slavery 95 miles north of New York City as Isabella Baumfree. She

escaped from her owner in her late twenties, a year before New York State

emancipated all slaves.

At the May 29, 1851 Women’s Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio, she spoke

extemporaneously. In the excerpt below, which gave the Ain’t I a Woman

speech its name, she shares some of the indignities and hardships she

endured as a slave and a 19th century American black woman.

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages,

and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody

ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any

best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have

ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head

me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a

man—when I could get it—and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a

woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to

slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus

heard me! And ain't I a woman?

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Woodrow Wilson

In his 1917 War Message to the Congress, President Wilson admits his initial

instinct, to stay out of the war in Europe, was incorrect. Here are two excerpts:

When I addressed the Congress on the 26th of February last, I thought

that it would suffice to assert our neutral rights with arms, our right to

use the seas against unlawful interference, our right to keep our people

safe against unlawful violence. But armed neutrality, it now appears, is

impractical.

…Armed neutrality is ineffectual enough at best; in such circumstances

and in the face of such pretensions it is worse than ineffectual: it is likely

only to produce what it was meant to prevent; it is practically certain to

draw us into the war without either the rights or the effectiveness of

belligerence. There is one choice we cannot make, we are incapable of

making: we will not choose the path of submission and suffer the most

sacred rights of our nation and our people to be ignored or violated. The

wrongs against which we now array ourselves are no common wrongs;

they cut to the very roots of human life.

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George S. Patton Jr.

Some consider General Patton’s speech to the third army the best

motivational speech of all time. In this excerpt, Patton doesn’t reveal a hidden

part of himself, but he tells of a time when he didn’t say the right thing and he

got on a soldier’s nerves.

One of the bravest men I saw in the African campaign was on a

telegraph pole in the midst of furious fire while we were moving toward

Tunis. I stopped and asked him what the hell he was doing up there. He

answered, 'Fixing the wire, sir.' 'Isn't it a little unhealthy up there right

now?' I asked. 'Yes sir, but this goddamn wire has got to be fixed.' I

asked, 'Don't those planes strafing the road bother you?' And he

answered, 'No sir, but you sure as hell do.'

Now, there was a real soldier. A real man. A man who devoted all he

had to his duty, no matter how great the odds, no matter how seemingly

insignificant his duty appeared at the time.

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Richard M. NixonMost people don’t consider Richard Nixon the show-your-vulnerability type of

guy, but in 1952 when he was accused of misappropriating campaign funds,

he let it all hang out to the 60 million Americans who watched him on TV. In

what’s known as the Checkers Speech, Nixon painstakingly reviewed his

complete financial picture–the money he made, what he owed, everything. He

left it up to the Republican National Committee whether or not he should

continue as Eisenhower’s running mate.

Nixon’s candidness, as shown through this excerpt, led to a huge outpouring

of support from the public andthe Republicans kept him on the winning ticket.

I have made an average of approximately $1,500 a year from

nonpolitical speaking engagements and lectures. And then, fortunately,

we've inherited a little money. Pat sold her interest in her father's estate

for $3,000 and I inherited $1,500 from my grandfather.

We live rather modestly. For four years, we lived in an apartment in Park

Fairfax, in Alexandria, Virginia. The rent was $80 a month. And we

saved for the time that we could buy a house.

Now, that was what we took in. What did we do with this money? What

do we have today to show for it? This will surprise you, Because it is so

little, I suppose, as standards generally go, of people in public life. First

of all, we've got a house in Washington, which cost $41,000 and on

which we owe $20,000. We have a house in Whittier, California, which

cost $13,000 and on which we owe $3,000.

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Jesse Jackson

This excerpt from Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition keynote at the 1984

Democratic National Convention is a not-so-direct response to charges that he

was anti-Semitic. Had he been more concrete, the reaction by the Jewish

community may have been stronger than it was. But his apology helped

―somewhat‖ according to the New York Times article, Jews Cautiously Hail

Talk by Jackson, published two days later.

If, in my low moments, in word, deed or attitude, through some error of

temper, taste or tone, I have caused anyone discomfort, created pain, or

revived someone’s fears, that was not my truest self. If there were

occasions when my grape turned into a raisin, and my joy-bell lost its

resonance, please forgive me. Charge it to my head, and not my heart.

My head — so limited in its finitude; my heart which is boundless in its

love for the human family. I am not a perfect servant. I am a public

servant, doing my best against the odds. As I develop and serve, be

patient. God is not finished with me yet.

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Steve Jobs

Inhis commencement address to the 2005 Stanford graduating class,

technology icon Steve Jobs talked about his youth, his success and his cancer

diagnosis. This excerpt covers the time when the Apple board fired him.

The impulse to share so openly came from within him. Jobs wrote this talk,

which is considered one of the top ten graduation speeches ever given, by

himself.

I was lucky—I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started

Apple in my parents’ garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10

years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2

billion company with over 4,000 employees. We had just released our

finest creation—the Macintosh—a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.

And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started?

Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented

to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well.

But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we

had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him.

So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of

my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

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John McCain

At the peak of political success, in his acceptance speech at the 2008

Republican National Convention, McCain talked about his youthful arrogance

and the time in his life when he was most vulnerable.

On an October morning, in the Gulf of Tonkin, I

prepared for my 23rd mission over North

Vietnam. I hadn't any worry I wouldn't come

back safe and sound. I thought I was tougher

than anyone. I was pretty independent then,

too.

I liked to bend a few rules and pick a few fights

for the fun of it. But I did it for my own

pleasure, my own pride. I didn't think there was

a cause that was more important than me.

Then I found myself falling toward the middle

of a small lake in the city of Hanoi, with two

broken arms, a broken leg, and an angry

crowd waiting to greet me.

I was dumped in a dark cell and left to die. I

didn't feel so tough anymore. When they

discovered my father was an admiral, they took

me to a hospital. They couldn't set my bones

properly, so they just slapped a cast on me.

And when I didn't get better and was down to

about a hundred pounds, they put me in a cell

with two other Americans.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even feed

myself. They did it for me. I was beginning to

learn the limits of my selfish independence.

Those men saved my life.

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Gloria Steinem

For a segment on PBS’s Makers, feminist Gloria Steinem talked about early

reactions to the women’s movement and the indignities she endured as a

young attractive reporter. She also mentions that she had an abortion.

The predominant reaction to the women's

movement was ridicule. It took us a long time

to be taken seriously enough to be opposed.

When it came to assignments, as a freelance

writer, I was assigned things about

fashion, and food, and makeup, and

babies, or, the low point of my life, textured

stockings.

When I delivered the articles to my editor at the

Sunday Times Magazine, he generally gave

me a choice, like, either I could go to a hotel

room with him in the afternoon or mail his

letters on the way out. Needless to say, I

mailed the letters, but I just assumed you had

to put up with this.

I don't think I understood the need for a

movement until I went to cover an abortion

hearing. I had had an abortion when I first

graduated from college and had never told

anyone.

Step Up to Vulnerability

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Enlarge your life.The flash fiction story I mentioned at

the beginning of this slide doc was

prompted by a line from Walt

Whitman:

Of life immense in passion,

pulse and power.

This phrase makes as much sense in

the context of showing your

vulnerability as in the story I wrote. If

you want to enlarge your life by

connecting to people, sharing what

makes you vulnerable is what you

have to do.

Vulnerability can put you and your

team on a path toward passion, pulse

and power—in the best sense of all

these words.

And the title of the poem that is

source of this line, One’s Self I

Sing, is significant too. When you

speak openly about yourself without

hidingwhatyou’re afraid for others to

know, you are connecting with your

audience. You are leading with

courage. You are singing out your

true self.

Sing out your true self and connect.

Acknowledgements

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Interviews Research

Laurie Allan

Lauren Dixon

Dee Ann Gosda

Margo Hackel

Bob Whipple

Mark Yanow

Brené Brown

SigalBarsade& Olivia O’Neill

Steve Jobs

John McCain

Richard Nixon

Daniel Pink

Kevin Rosen

Gloria Steinem

Brad Smith

Sojourner Truth

Woodrow Wilson

The following people shared their stories and insights either directly or through their published work. I thank them for their candor, bravery and wisdom.

Special thanks to Duarte for the slide doc templates.