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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Winning Colors Behavioral Styles...................................................................................................................................................................................... 5
The Planner Behavioral Style ............................................................................................................................................................................................. 6
The Builder Behavioral Style.............................................................................................................................................................................................. 7
The Relater Behavioral Style .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 8
The Adventurer Behavioral Style ....................................................................................................................................................................................... 9
Responses to Anger........................................................................................................................................................................................................... 10
Violence Risk Factors ....................................................................................................................................................................................................... 11
Techniques for Controlling Anger .................................................................................................................................................................................... 12
Causes of Conflict ............................................................................................................................................................................................................. 13
Types of Conflict .............................................................................................................................................................................................................. 14
Coping with Conflict......................................................................................................................................................................................................... 15
Principles to Follow .......................................................................................................................................................................................................... 16
Resolution Strategies ........................................................................................................................................................................................................ 17
Types of Group Challenges .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 18
Conflict Levels: Perspective, Purpose, and Practice ......................................................................................................................................................... 19
Resolving Group Conflict ................................................................................................................................................................................................. 19
The Decision Making Process .......................................................................................................................................................................................... 20
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The Decision Making Process: Try It! .............................................................................................................................................................................. 21
Common Group Dynamics ............................................................................................................................................................................................... 22
Problem Solving................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 23
Methods for Building Consensus ...................................................................................................................................................................................... 24
What Mediators Should Do .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 25
Your Role as an Onlooker................................................................................................................................................................................................. 26
Steps to Mediating Conflict .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 27
Steps to Arbitration ........................................................................................................................................................................................................... 28
The Don’ts of Conflict Resolution .................................................................................................................................................................................... 29
The Dos of Conflict Resolution ........................................................................................................................................................................................ 30
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Winning Colors Behavioral Styles
Winning Colors shows you how to relate to people in your life by bringing up
the behaviors that make others feel comfortable.
Winning Colors behavioral styles:
Planner – Open to new and creative ideas - abstract thinkers - into the
latest and most innovative procedures and products - in need of quiet
time - future oriented (visionary) - interested in science fiction and
exploration of space - empathetic
Builder – Orderly, and prefer structured procedures at work, home,
school, and social gatherings, proud of organizations, school and family
- disciplined - in position of authority - interested in status
Relater – Supportive and friendly - people and emotion focused -
interested in slogans and posters - harmonious in home and teamwork -
want people to like him or her - happier with procedures that are people
centered and humanistic
Adventurer – Active and prefer unstructured work situations - moves -
happier with procedures that are useful, dynamic, practical and hands-
on - spontaneous - focused on the here and now
Reference: Lesson 1 – Introduction to Conflict
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The Planner Behavioral Style
Planner – Open to new and creative ideas - abstract thinkers - into the latest
and most innovative procedures and products - in need of quiet time - future
oriented (visionary) - interested in science fiction and exploration of space -
empathetic
Take a thoughtful, calm, cool and collected interest when they
communicate.
Don't dominate with your ideas.
Practice patience and encourage personal creativity.
Allow them enough time to reflect before deciding and doing something.
Give warm understanding, not harsh bottom-line treatment. Negative
remarks cause withdraws.
Reference: Lesson 1 – Introduction to Conflict
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The Builder Behavioral Style
Builder – Orderly, and prefer structured procedures at work, home, school, and
social gatherings, proud of organizations, school and family - disciplined - in
position of authority - interested in status
Take a bottom-line approach to other Builders' communication.
Remember that they are comfortable with rules and directions.
Treat others in the right and proper way.
Establish daily routines and give step-by-step, clear explanations.
Never embarrass or cause Builder oriented people to lose face in front
of their peers.
Reference: Lesson 1 – Introduction to Conflict
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The Relater Behavioral Style
Relater – Supportive and friendly - people and emotion focused - interested in
slogans and posters - harmonious in home and teamwork - want people to like
him or her - happier with procedures that are people centered and humanistic
Take a friendly approach to other Relaters' communication.
Provide a social atmosphere and occasions for them to interact.
Respect other Relaters' feelings by not imposing your feelings on them.
Give genuine concern, a smile, and a kind word, but do not dominate
the conversation.
Smile when passing and congratulate them on various occasions,
especially when they least expect it.
Reference: Lesson 1 – Introduction to Conflict
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The Adventurer Behavioral Style
Adventurer – Active and prefer unstructured work situations - moves - happier
with procedures that are useful, dynamic, practical and hands-on - spontaneous
- focused on the here and now
Take a light-hearted, fun or action approach to Adventurers'
communications.
Speak to the here and now.
Be as flexible as they are to changing action; be careful of the action's
direction.
Involve them in any positive action situation. Be careful not to get
caught in the thrill.
Allow them to play a "starring" role on any occasion possible.
Reference: Lesson 1 – Introduction to Conflict
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Responses to Anger
Examples of Relater response bias:
"You aren't really angry with your coach. You are just tired."
"I see that you're angry. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I know how you feel. Let me tell you what I did when I had the same experience."
Examples of Builder response bias:
"You have no right to be angry with your English teacher. What do you know? You haven't been to
college."
"Adults don't get angry. Children get angry."
"Anger is unacceptable in this house. We will not discuss it."
Examples of Planner response bias:
"There are so many ways of handling her upset. It is difficult to decide the best approach."
"I am not sure what would be the best way to deal with Judy's emotional outbreak against you."
Examples of Adventurer response bias:
"Temper...temper. You should see how red your face is."
"You'll get over it."
Reference: Lesson 2 – Dealing with Anger: Utilizing the Winning Colors® Process
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Violence Risk Factors
Depending on how you grew up or where you live, you may have been exposed to different types of
violence. While some of these factors are out of your control, your reaction to these factors is under your
control. That is where using the Winning Colors strategies can help.
Poverty – Statistics show that violence rates are highest in poor urban communities where
unemployment is high. When people feel unable to improve their lives, it creates free-floating anger,
which can result in violence.
Media violence – From cartoons to movies and video games, violence is often depicted in the
media. Exposure at a young age to repetitive violence sends the wrong message. The danger is
that the media does not show the consequences of violence, including pain, loss and remorse, and
the impressionable ones who watch may develop a distorted sense of reality.
Family violence – Because children learn by imitating the behavior of their parents, those who
grew up in violent homes are sometimes likely to use violence to deal with conflict as adults.
Availability of weapons – When weapons are available to be used in fights, the fights are more
deadly. Even those people who buy guns strictly for protection are actually doubling their chances of
being killed in a fight.
Drug abuse – While there is a correlation between violence and alcohol use, the reasons are not
entirely clear. Any judgment-impairing substance may add to the threat of violence.
Membership in gangs – Gangs which control a specific neighborhood often recruit poor students
from troubled families and require them to commit acts of horrific violence in order to prove
themselves and feel acceptance. It is a tragic cycle, as sometimes members make it difficult to quit
the gang.
Reference: Lesson 2 – Dealing with Anger: Utilizing the Winning Colors® Process
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Techniques for Controlling Anger
Awareness of behaviors
Count to ten
Physical relaxation using breathing
Doodle or sketch
Clench fist and release
Visualization
Leave the situation
Journaling
Exercise
Hello-Goodbye
Using movies of the mind for relaxing and
letting go
Reference: Lesson 2 – Dealing with Anger: Utilizing the Winning Colors® Process
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Causes of Conflict
Miscommunication: This occurs when, for example, you speak
Builder language and the person you are communicating with speaks
Relater language.
Territory: This is mostly associated with warring nations. One example
would be the Berlin wall. In your own life, this is shown in your school
locker, where someone borrows your things, such as sports equipment,
without asking, or family members take things out of your room.
Imbalance of power: This occurs when one party has more power and
pushes the other party around; it can lead to bullying. In your own life,
you may have seen this in distribution of power in the family or
classroom.
Varied perspectives on the situation. An example is how your parents
have a different perspective than you do about certain things, such as
borrowing the car or extending your curfew.
Differing belief systems and values resulting from personal
background and accumulated life experiences.
Differing objectives and interests: for example, you want to read a
book, but your parents want you to do the chores.
Reference: Lesson 3 – Resolving Conflict
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Types of Conflict
Upbringing: These occur because people have an emotional
attachment to the experience they are exposed to first, they may be
attached to unhealthy behaviors.
Relationship conflicts: These result from strong negative emotions,
stereotypes, miscommunications, or repetitive negative behaviors; for
example, harassment.
Data conflicts: These occur because people are misinformed or lack
information to make good decisions; for example, you thought a
meeting started at 2, but it really started at 1.
Conflicts of interest: These occur because one person believes that in
order to get what they need; the needs of an opponent must be
sacrificed; for example, the entire class has to stay after because
someone misbehaved.
Structural conflicts: These occur because there is a problem with
external forces, such as a lack of resources, authority, or organizational
changes; for example, a dispute over land or territory.
Value conflicts: These occur because there is a conflict between
internal belief systems; for example, a friend asks you to help cheat on
a test.
Reference: Lesson 3 – Resolving Conflict
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Coping with Conflict
Retreating: blocking or moving away
from a problem or conflict
Example: When faced with a conflict
situation, someone may take action in
a different direction to avoid the stress
of dealing with the problem. This is the
Adventurer disposition.
Standing still: avoid addressing a
problem by overanalyzing its elements
and possible outcomes
Example: A student with great
potential who, faced with a selection of
desirable courses, has difficulty
designing a well balanced study
program. This is the Planner
predisposition.
Detouring: moving around or avoiding
a problem
Example: After losing a loved one,
someone may seek social interaction
to avoid dealing with their own grief or
loss. This is the Relater disposition.
Encountering: facing a conflict head-
on and reaching a solution
Example: Someone who demands
that those around them meet and
resolve problems. This is the Builder
predisposition.
Reference: Lesson 3 – Resolving Conflict
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Principles to Follow
You have control over how you react to conflict. If you want to resolve conflict, try to put yourself in
the right frame of mind with each of these principles. Just like any skill, following these principles
naturally takes practice. If you practice often, this mind set could become second nature to you.
Law #1: Winning Colors. Always try to begin with understanding your and others' biases.
Law #2: The Law of Attraction. You are attracted to whatever you constantly hold in your mind. If
you focus on positive thoughts and feelings, which is what you will end up moving toward and
attracting toward you.
Law #3: Like Attracts Like. "Birds of a feather flock together" means that if you focus on the positive,
you will likely attract and keep positive people around you.
Law #4: I can only act according to my present level of awareness. Do the best that you can to
resolve conflicts in your own life; each time you are successful, you will learn how to improve.
Law #5: The closer I am to a fire, the more I participate in its heat. Try to stay objective; the
closer you are to a problem, the more difficult it is to see things clearly and make good decisions.
Law #6: I have an Emotional Attachment to that to which I am exposed to first. If you first
learned how to deal with conflict by retreating and running away, you will feel more comfortable
retreating. You can retrain yourself to react to conflict differently.
Law #7: I attract people by bringing up the behaviors that make them comfortable. To resolve a
conflict with someone, it helps to make them comfortable.
Reference: Lesson 3 – Resolving Conflict
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Resolution Strategies
Define the Conflict:
Identify the behavioral bias (Winning Colors) of those who are in
conflict. Decide on the behaviors you will bring up in order to make the
other person as comfortable as possible.
Use effective speaking and active listening. Be clear and listen in order
to send and receive clear messages.
Focus on behaviors, feelings, consequences, and desired changes.
Be specific and use phrases such as "I feel" or "I think."
"I" messages keep your statements from being blaming or
accusatory.
Find a Mutually Agreeable Time and Place: Choose a place to discuss the
conflict that is comfortable and non-threatening.
Communicate an Understanding:
If possible, it would be beneficial for a knowledgeable second party to
explain the Winning Colors card sort and process to those in conflict.
Attempt to ensure that both parties feel heard and understood.
Have the other person describe how the situation feels from their
perspective.
Make it clear that you are trying to see their point of view.
Repeat back your understanding or what you heard them say.
Brainstorm to Find Alternate Solutions
Remain positive and open to compromise.
Be creative and focus on the solution.
Do not be judgmental of someone else's ideas.
Agree on the Most Workable Solution: Commit yourself to resolving the
issue.
Reference: Lesson 3 – Resolving Conflict
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Types of Group Challenges
Indecisive and too detailed members have a Planner bias.
Dominating members have a Builder bias.
Emotional members have a Relater bias.
Actions without think members have an Adventurer bias.
Wandering:
Unfocused conversations
Off subject
Resistance
Floundering:
Trouble at all stages
Start-up problems
Dead-end activities
Resistance
Reference: Lesson 4 – Identifying Levels of Conflict
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Conflict Levels: Perspective, Purpose, and Practice
Conflicts in Perspective Conflicts in Purpose Conflicts in Practice
Work out the best possible compromise.
Involve what people do and why they do it
Occur when people look at the same
situation differently
Set clear goals before the project begins.
Involve what people want to achieve
Occur when members do not accept the
team objectives
Set up operating procedures before the team
begins work.
Involve the team’s processes and
procedures
Occur when members do not agree on a
basic structure
Resolving Group Conflict
1st: Think or brainstorm (Planner perspective).
2nd: Decide to take a leadership stance (Builder perspective.
3rd: Bring up emotional energy in order to succeed (Relater perspective).
4th: Take action (Adventurer perspective).
Reference: Lesson 4 – Identifying Levels of Conflict
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The Decision Making Process
1. First, select a challenge that someone is facing. For our example, let's say a friend wants to move out of the house they are living in.
2. List three options without suggesting that any option is better than another.
3. Record the positive and negative consequences of each option objectively. As the recorder, you may suggest options or overlooked consequences, but
not show preference.
4. After the form is complete, the person with the challenge selects one option.
Reference: Lesson 5 – Steps for Meeting and Solving Conflict
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The Decision Making Process: Try It!
1. First, select a challenge that someone is facing. For our example, let's say a friend wants to move out of the house they are living in.
2. List three options without suggesting that any option is better than another.
3. Record the positive and negative consequences of each option objectively. As the recorder, you may suggest options or overlooked consequences, but
not show preference.
4. After the form is complete, the person with the challenge selects one option.
Reference: Lesson 5 – Steps for Meeting and Solving Conflict
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Common Group Dynamics
Mismatched
Some groups are simply mismatched. This team has very different types of people in it. The team’s
personalities send them in different direction, so nothing seems to work. On the other hand, if the team
members understand and respect the different behaviors required for the situation, there will be a powerful
advantage.
Out-of-Control
An out-of-control group goes beyond its mission and purpose and grasps beyond its reach. This team
lacks a Builder attitude.
Bickering
A group that bickers can’t agree on anything, and results suffer. This team has excessive Relater attitude
and the exchange of opinions becomes more important than the team’s objective.
Stalled
A stalled group slows down and puts in less and less effort as the members become caught up in all the
details. This team has an excessive Planner attitude.
Leaderless
And a leaderless group goes in no specific direction or in several at once, making little progress. This team
lacks a behavioral balance according to the members or situation. For example, it lacks a
Planner/Builder/Relater/Adventurer behavioral balance in the leader.
Reference: Lesson 5 – Steps for Meeting and Solving Conflict
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Problem Solving
When you are faced with a problem in a group, follow the steps in the Behavior Modification Model. Work with everyone in the group to identify the issue and come
to a resolution.
Reference: Lesson 5 – Steps for Meeting and Solving Conflict
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Methods for Building Consensus
ACTIVE LISTENING
To be an active listener, do the following:
Avoid distraction.
Make eye contact.
Let the other person speak.
Listen for both facts and feelings.
Use body language effectively.
Acknowledge what the other says with an understanding response (use
feedback responses such as “You feel strongly, Mary, that we can get
consensus by…”).
Ask good questions.
COMPROMISING
To compromise successfully, remember that:
Compromise is an agreement between opposing parties to settle a
dispute or reach a settlement in which each side gives some ground.
In a compromise, none of the parties gets exactly what they want.
Following a successful compromise, all parties make a sacrifice but still
feel that the deal is fair.
NEGOTIATING PRODUCTIVELY
To negotiate productively remember that negotiation:
Is a fair settlement through discussion and agreement.
May be achieved with an arbitrator, who is chosen by both sides in a
dispute to hear the details and give a fair and impartial decision.
ASKING GOOD QUESTIONS
The leader should ask questions that:
Have a focus.
Are closed ended, not open ended.
Bear directly on the issue.
Are objective, not personal.
Reference: Lesson 6 – Building Consensus
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What Mediators Should Do
Act as a neutral third party and never get involved in heated conflicts.
Identify the negative and behavioral strengths of both parties quickly and accurately.
Respond according to their comfort zone. For a Relater bias: “You feel very strongly about this ….”
whereas your response to a Builder bias is “You strongly think the bottom-line is….”
Remain honest.
Remain objective.
Show empathy.
Communicate effectively.
Think critically.
Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation
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Your Role as an Onlooker
Ignore people when they speak badly of others.
Do not spread rumors or insults.
Stay away from fighting.
Show respect and friendship to those who can apologize, ignore insults, and avoid fights.
Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation
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Steps to Mediating Conflict
STEP 1: Make introductions.
Explain the strategy for identifying the behavioral strengths and
weaknesses of those involved.
Explain the mediator's role.
Establish ground rules.
Explain the steps.
Ask questions.
Step 2: Tell the story.
Both parties tell their side.
Mediator summarizes.
Mediator makes sure both sides understand the conflict.
Step 3: Explore solutions.
Ask both parties how they can solve the challenge.
Write down all solutions.
Consider only the solutions both parties agree about.
Step 4: Don't give up.
Keep trying until you can reach an agreement.
Ask the parties to write down the agreement in their own words.
Ask all parties to sign the agreement.
Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation
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Steps to Arbitration
Step 1: The parties must accept the arbitrator and the arbitrator's decision. (Builder solution)
Step 2: A preliminary meeting is held to set the rules.
Step 3: Each party submits statements.
Step 4: The arbitrator reviews all information.
Step 5: A hearing is held where all sides are presented.
Step 6: The arbitrator makes a final, binding decision.
Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation
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The Don’ts of Conflict Resolution
Don’t humiliate. Humiliation can permanently close doors.
Don't criticize. According to Hilyer in Collaboration: Focusing on a Better
Way, "studies indicate that for every critical remark you make to someone, it
will take four times as much praise before that person will perceive you as
having a neutral view of them, and it will take more praise for them to believe
you hold them in a positive light."
Don’t generalize. When someone is late turning in their first term paper, and
the teacher says “You never turn anything in on time,” the teacher is
dismissing all the times the student did things correctly.
Don’t be too understanding. No one can truly understand what is
happening in someone else’s mind or heart. Saying “I know exactly how you
feel,” may seem supportive, but it only results in someone feeling transparent
or that their conflict is overly simple
Avoid reverse psychology. When someone has made a giant mistake, say
a speeding ticket, telling them what a bright, resourceful and responsible
person they are completely ignores their problem.
Don’t impose your values. When someone has to make a decision, he or
she is the one who has to deal with the consequences. You cannot make a
choice for someone else.
Don’t play futurist or astrologer. If someone suffers a serious loss or
disappointment, and are told “Tomorrow will be a better day,” they may feel that
tomorrow isn’t the issue. Today’s issue is real and needs to be addressed.
Don’t preach. Preaching implies that you stand on a higher morale ground. It
says to the others “I have no faults, only you have faults.”
Don’t become emotionally involved. Laying down on the railroad tracks with
your friend accomplishes nothing. Emotional involvement clouds your judgment
and makes it difficult to see all options.
Don’t use analogies and clichés. These methods of comparison to other
situations have little value. They do not take into consideration the specifics of
the current situation.
Don’t lecture. The last thing someone in a conflict wants is to have you climb
on a podium, which implies no one else has worthwhile input.
Don’t label. Labeling personalizes a conflict. Rather than identify the cause of
conflict, someone’s character is evaluated. If someone calls a child or an adult a
scatterbrain enough times, it becomes self affirming. “You are right, I’m not
smart enough.”
Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation
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The Dos of Conflict Resolution
Identify and have the individuals understand both their own behavioral
strengths and weakness as well as of those involved in the conflict. This is
absolutely crucial for the best resolution!
Describe the action. Explain what you feel Identify what needs to be done.
Be a listener, be a gatherer and do esteem when it is appropriate.
Stick to the specific problem. Leave the pearls of wisdom to the sages and
philosophers.
Empathize. Be open to all options.
Be non-judgmental. Respect if it is genuine. Trust when there is a basis for
trust.
Focus on today. Today is the problem, so start with the here and now. This
does not mean you ignore the possible consequences of a decision and its
impact on tomorrow.
Accept a person’s position; it validates him or her. It does not mean that
you accept or approve of the position.
Reference: Lesson 7 – Mediation
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