CONFLICT in Relationships
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Transcript of CONFLICT in Relationships
CONFLICT in
Relationships
Conflict Misconceptions• Conflict is BAD
• If two people are in a fight, their relationship is a bad one
• Conflict damages relationships
Types of Conflict
• Destructive Conflict– dismantles relationships– lack of flexibility
• Constructive Conflict– resolve issues or problems– suggest areas of change– confront areas of disagreement
Why do relationships break-up?
Reason for Relationship No Longer Exists
Undefined Expectations
Relational Changes
Third-Party Relationships
Inequitable Distribution of Rewards and Costs
Money
Work
Conflict Management Styles
• Nonconfrontational–placating–distracting–withdrawing–giving in
• Confrontational–All about power–Control–Win/lose
philosophy
Conflict Management Styles
• Cooperative–Conflict is not a game–Conflict is a problem to be solved–Compromise or Cooperation
Conflict Management Styles
Healthy Conflict Tips• DO use “I” language to take
responsibility for your feelings• DO be empathetic• DO focus on the problem
• DON’T use personal attacks• DON’T bring up the past• DON’T blame
Using ‘I’ MessagesPurpose – To identify problem behavior and help adjust / correct without being confrontational
1. Identify Behavior: “When you…”2. Identify your feelings and why: “I feel ____” 3. State why it makes you feel this way:
“Because it…”4. Identify the desired outcome: “I would like for
you to…”5. How it would make you feel: “Because it would
be…”
“I” Message ExampleWhen you always text during dinner (#1 – Undesirable Behavior), it makes me feel hurt & ignored (#2 – Feeling) because I feel like you don’t want to spend time with me (#3 – Why). I would like for dinner time to be “no electronics time” (#4 – Desired behavior). I would love for us to just get to talk because I love hearing about your day and I miss just hanging out. (#5 – Why and validation).
Crucial Conversations: Problem Solving Strategies
Mutual Purpose
Mutual Respect
Continued Dialogue
Mutual Purpose – required to ENTER dialogueWork on finding a mutual purpose, even if it is as
basic as ‘resolve the conflict’
Mutual Respect – required to CONTINUE dialogue
Crucial Conversations: 7 Steps to Healthy Conflict
Start with Heart
• Focus on what you really want• Refuse the ‘sucker’s choice’
Learn to Look
• Silence – masking, avoiding, withdrawing• Violence – controlling, labeling, attacking
Master my Stories
• Learn to separate fact from ‘story’• Tell the ‘rest’• Claim your role
Crucial Conversations: 7 Steps to Healthy Conflict
State my Path
• Am I open and talking about the real issue?• Am I expressing my own feelings?
Explore Others’ Paths
• Learn to AMPP your listening• Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, Prime
Move to Action
• Translate conversation into action• Set Who, does What, by When, and How
we will Follow-up
Crucial Conversations: 7 Steps to Healthy Conflict
Start with Heart
• Focus on what you really want• Refuse the ‘sucker’s choice’
Learn to Look
• Silence – masking, avoiding, withdrawing• Violence – controlling, labeling, attacking
Master my Stories
• Learn to separate fact from ‘story’• Tell the ‘rest’• Claim your role