Concrete details and Concrete details and CommentaryCommentary

What they are…What they are…

Concrete details are facts. They Concrete details are facts. They cannot be debated. Synonyms cannot be debated. Synonyms include specific details, supporting include specific details, supporting details, proof, evidence, data.details, proof, evidence, data.

Commentary is opinion on the Commentary is opinion on the concrete details. Synonyms concrete details. Synonyms include elaboration, analysis, include elaboration, analysis, interpretation, explanation.interpretation, explanation.

ChunkChunk

A chunk of information is a part of a A chunk of information is a part of a body paragraph made up of a concrete body paragraph made up of a concrete detail (CD) and two sentences of detail (CD) and two sentences of commentary (CM).commentary (CM).

Pizarro held the Inca King Atahualpa Pizarro held the Inca King Atahualpa captive for ransom for eight months; captive for ransom for eight months; when he received the ransom, Pizarro when he received the ransom, Pizarro killed the king (CD). Pizarro is ruthless killed the king (CD). Pizarro is ruthless (CM 1). He will acquire gold for Spain (CM 1). He will acquire gold for Spain and promote his reputation even if it and promote his reputation even if it means lying and then murdering a means lying and then murdering a great leader (CM). great leader (CM).

CDs and CM cont.CDs and CM cont.

If you have trouble creating CM If you have trouble creating CM from your CDs, one way to start is from your CDs, one way to start is by writing “This shows” or “this by writing “This shows” or “this demonstrates that” and then demonstrates that” and then finishing the sentence.finishing the sentence.

Writing CMWriting CM

For example, with the chunk of For example, with the chunk of information in slide three, the writer information in slide three, the writer might have begun the CM with “This might have begun the CM with “This shows that Pizarro is ruthless.”shows that Pizarro is ruthless.”

For the second sentence of CM the For the second sentence of CM the writer might have begun: “This also writer might have begun: “This also demonstrates that Pizarro will demonstrates that Pizarro will acquire gold…” acquire gold…”

Writing CM continuedWriting CM continued

Sometimes one sentence of CM can build on Sometimes one sentence of CM can build on the sentence that came before it. For example, the sentence that came before it. For example, take the following chunk of information:take the following chunk of information:

The protagonist of the story, Belisa The protagonist of the story, Belisa Crepusculario, buries her brothers and sisters, Crepusculario, buries her brothers and sisters, who died in a severe drought, and then walks who died in a severe drought, and then walks across the desert alone to escape the drought across the desert alone to escape the drought (CD). This shows that Belisa is determined (CM (CD). This shows that Belisa is determined (CM 1). She will do whatever it takes to survive and 1). She will do whatever it takes to survive and avoid the fate of her siblings (CM2). avoid the fate of her siblings (CM2).

Commentary that InterpretsCommentary that Interprets

Another way to use CM is to interpret the Another way to use CM is to interpret the meaning of the concrete detail.meaning of the concrete detail.

For instance, the writer might begin the CM For instance, the writer might begin the CM with “This means…” or “In other words…”with “This means…” or “In other words…”

Note how the writer does this in the following Note how the writer does this in the following example:example:

Belisa tells herself that most girls in her country Belisa tells herself that most girls in her country only have two ways to make a living: to work only have two ways to make a living: to work as a prostitute or as a servant (CD). This as a prostitute or as a servant (CD). This means that women in her culture have little means that women in her culture have little economic power (CM1). Their choices are economic power (CM1). Their choices are severely limited (CM2). severely limited (CM2).

Some final pointersSome final pointers

Commentary needs to reinforce the topic sentence of Commentary needs to reinforce the topic sentence of the paragraph; this is how the CM maintains the focus.the paragraph; this is how the CM maintains the focus.

Although you begin you CM with Although you begin you CM with this showsthis shows, , this this demonstrates, or this meansdemonstrates, or this means in the rough draft, in the rough draft, you can almost always remove these phrases in your you can almost always remove these phrases in your final draft.final draft.

SoSoThis shows that Pizarro is ruthless.This shows that Pizarro is ruthless.

BecomesBecomesPizarro is ruthless.Pizarro is ruthless.