Self-compassion versus self-esteem

Kristin Neff, PhD

University of Texas at Austin

Self-Esteem Movement

• For decades, self-esteem was seen to represent optimal psychological health

• Widespread movement (largely failed) to promote self-esteem in the schools

• Self-esteem no longer held in such high esteem

Two forms of self-esteem

• William James: Perceptions of competence in important domains

Perfectionism – some feel it’s important to be good at everything

“Slacker” phenomenon – some only value things they’re good at (ex. basketball vs. school)

Two forms of self-esteem

• Charles Horton Cooley: Looking-glass selfSelf-esteem based on social approvalMore emphasis placed on approval from

acquaintances than close othersCan lead to conformity and lack of authenticity

Problems with self-esteem

• Hard to raise self-esteem• Lake Wobegone effect – need to be special and above

average to feel okay about oneself

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Garrison Keillor

The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to:Narcissism and self-centerednessMe Generation - Self-esteem movement has led to

an epidemic of narcissism among college students

The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to:PrejudicePeople often derive self-esteem from feelings of

superiority (race, politics, religion, culture)

The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to:Ego-defensiveness (anger and projection)Anger and aggression is often higher among those

with high self-esteem

Isn’t it going to be fun to get the respect we deserve?

The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to:• Self-esteem often contingent on appearance,

competition, putting others down

The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to:• Self-esteem can be highly unstable, going up and

down depending on our latest success or failure

Self-compassion vs. self-esteem

• Both self-compassion and self-esteem involve positive emotions toward the selfSelf-esteem based on evaluations of the self as

worthy, likable or competentSelf-compassion does not involve self-evaluation, but

entails positive feelings of care and connectedness• Both self-esteem and self-compassion offer protection

against depression, anxiety, etc.• Self-compassion does not have the same drawbacks as

self-esteem

Self-compassion vs. self-esteem

Unlike self-esteem, self compassion:• Is not associated with narcissism• Helps buffer against ego-threat (less anxiety)• Associated with taking increased responsibility for past

mistakes while also being less distressed by them• Is more stable and less contingent• Provides greater connectedness - fewer social

comparisons, less anger, better relationships

Self-compassion versus self-esteem

• Self-compassion de-emphasizes view of self as separate from others

• Does not require defense of the ego• Self-compassion is (theoretically) always available• May be a healthier way to experience positive

emotions toward the self