Como Conseguir Una Novia (Ingles)

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How

To

Get

A

Girlfriend

The Seven Essential Skills for Attracting the Woman of Your Dreams

by,

Stephen Nash

Cutting-Edge Image Consulting, ©2005

TABLE OF CONTENTS



I. Introduction

1) Positive Emotions = Positive Relationships

2) Living in Your Own Reality

3) Bringing Her into Your World

4) The Social Self – Presenting yourself with Power

5)

Communicating with Women

6) A Look with Style

7) Living with Passion



©2005 Cutting Edge Image Consulting Ltd.

All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this eBook may be copied, sold or reprinted

without express, written permission from the author. All violators will be persecuted to the

fullest extent allowable by law.

Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for the use or misuse of the

information contained in this book. The reader is warned that improper use of some or all of

the techniques in this book may result in legal consequences, civil and/or criminal. All

information in this book or on this page in an opinion and should be used for personal

entertainment purposes only. Nothing stated in the eBook is intended to be legal or

professional advice.

Introduction

“Well, I have finally done it”, I thought.

“I have just bought a book that is going to help me with women – how pathetic. I am such a

worthless specimen of man, that I now need guidance just to get a date? Geez!”

A few years ago, I admitted to myself that I wanted help with women. So much so that I

threw down some money for a book similar to this one. I was coming off of a devastating

break-up. It was one of those relationships where I was considering marrying the girl. She

had met my family, and they loved her. I had met her family, and they loved me. Hell, I

had even passed through the icy stare of her father to the point of us heading out to walk

the dogs on occasion. I was “in”, wasn’t I?

Nope.

Not even close.

I had made some critical errors when relating with women that ALWAYS reverse attraction,

leaving me alone, once again. So, I made it my mission to get this area “handled” ASAP.

And, I did…or so I thought.



I spent the next two years perfecting what I thought was a set of skills that could flawlessly

attract women of the highest quality whenever I wanted. I studied my body language

obsessively, I developed the best “lines” in the world, and I wore the coolest clothes on the

planet. I would “roll-out” to the toughest clubs on the planet, and “game” the hottest girls

there. I lived in a hot house in West Hollywood, giving me a “lifestyle” that was attractive to

women. And, last, I got to be so good at it, that I would take guys out to the clubs with me,

and demonstrate before their very eyes the exact things I was doing so that they could do it

themselves.

Was it effective at getting me laid?

You bet.

Was it fulfilling my wish for a relationship?

Absolutely not.

You see, I had become a “player” whose sole mission was to conquer women into bed,

rather than relate to them as equals. What I learned was that you can’t be a pretender and

have a meaningful life. Playing “The Game” to get women and get laid is the easy way

out. Each of us has a set of challenges that we must confront in order to realize our

potentials for happiness and love. Many of these happen through intimate relationships.

The easy way out is to avoid intimacy entirely by learning how to deceive women into

thinking I am so irresistible and cool, so that I can “score” with them. What is awaiting them

is a ton of heartache when they see that my life is devoted to “the chase”. That is when you

lose my friend, when you find yourself alone, again, wondering, what happened?

What “happened” was that you lost sight of the forest for the trees. You became a player,

and therefore only attract players. Quality women would look at me and instinctively know I

was a short-term guy, only looking for one thing. They knew I couldn’t be trusted. Theymade the right decision.



I had to take a long, hard, look at myself. Why was this happening? I had “mastered”

these skills for attracting women, so why was I still so unhappy?

The answer was simple, and it took some time for it to sink-in. I realized that there are

skills that are helpful in attracting women. In fact, we are going to cover those in Chapter V

of this book. What I didn’t realize though was that there were some necessary life skills

that I was missing. Also, based on my research and work around the world, MOST guys

are missing these skills. And the big surprise? MOST of these skills have nothing to do

with women AT ALL.

They are about YOU.

If you are able to embrace and incorporate these skills you will NEVER experience

dissatisfaction with women again. Why? Because you will be an attractive man,

magnetizing women to you. You will attract them rather than chase them. The aim of this

book is to help you understand what it means to be an attractive man, and to teach you

how to swiftly incorporate those skills into your life.

The skills described in this book are about being ATTRACTIVE. Why spend years learning

how to attract women by playing games and learning gimmicks, when you can spend the

next few months becoming an attractive man?

Why waste your time in bars and clubs (terrible places to meet women) when you can dive

into your life finding fulfillment and happiness, while simultaneously and NATURALLY

meeting women with whom you already share commonalities?

I have done the work for you my friend. So many of the guys that I have worked with,

teaching them the ins & outs of “the game”, really only want a girlfriend. Sure, it is nice toget laid once in a while, but eventually “the chase” leads you nowhere. It becomes



meaningless, and demeaning to you (and me) as a man, and a human being. Life is way

more than chasing sex and women. And if you think this will eventually lead you to find a

quality woman, with whom you can share your life, then you have a hard lesson in front of

you. Who you are is what you will attract. Do you want a woman who is attracted to a

player?

A guy might find spending time watching me and “the bros” pick-up girls as fun

entertainment. They might even try to incorporate these skills into their lives, and become

“pick-up” machines too. VERY rarely though has this ever led to a meaningful

relationship. I can think of two guys that I have met out of thousands who have met a

quality woman and gone on to a fulfilling relationship. THAT’S IT.

Think of it like this – how do most guys meet women? Through their social circle, right?

You are at a party thrown by a friend of yours, and there are lots of people there, including

this cute girl who is a friend of a friend. Next thing you know, you are talking with her, you

are into her and she is into you. You have her phone number, you give her a call, you go

out on a date…this scenario happens DAILY. I would even say it happens HOURLY guys!

So, why not get good at that??

Why not get the advantage in the real world?

Why not simply get your life together and vitalize your social circle, so that you are meeting

high-quality women by LIVING rather than by “PICKING-UP”?

What I propose is that you stop wasting your time, and your life, and start learning how to

get good at meeting women the way the naturals have been doing for years.

Become an attractive man by understanding the concepts I am about to outline in this book,

and watch your success with women skyrocket.



If I could use one word to describe the essence of these skills, it would be “autonomy”.

An autonomous man is one who is self-governing and independent. He appreciates and

enjoys others, and he is truly LIVING his own life. He selects who he spends time with

socially, and he is pursuing his career with passion and determination. He sees challenges

rather than problems. He is not immune to failure or pain, but he is willing to face these

things and take responsibility for where he has gone wrong. Everything in life is seen as a

positive experience. He is a source of positive emotions around his friends and loved-

ones. He gives and receives love freely, and is willing to be vulnerable even if it means

getting hurt. He understands how to communicate with people in such a way that is inviting

and positive. He is willing to risk, and willing to risk being honest when it counts the most.

He lives in his own reality, and is the sovereign over all of his decisions. In short, he is the

kind of guy that women hope to meet their entire lives…he is a man, in the truest sense.

These are the skills that this book describes, and that you can learn by applying the

principles I discuss in each chapter. Wouldn’t you enjoy walking through life feeling the

benefits of true autonomy, relying on nothing outside of yourself to bring you happiness?

During my time in “the game”, I learned some pretty useful things. I was able to discard the

negative elements, and keep only those aspects that served my aim of having positive,

healthy relationships with all people. I have included those elements in this book.

I am now going to cover these skills in the upcoming chapters. I encourage you to really

question yourself as you read. “Does this describe me?” “Can I help myself in this area?”

“Am I really meeting my goals?” “Am I satisfied in my relationships with women? With

everyone?” “Am I truly happy?”

The first two chapters of this book are focused on the internal aspects that, when properly

developed, lead to meaningful and lasting relationships. These two skills are not easy to

cultivate, and take time to fully understand. I place them first because they are the most important. No one lives perfectly by these. I encourage you to make allowances for your



own humanity, and relax into a process of learning. Having the expectation that I will

“arrive” someday perfectly living by these skills is a certain way to sabotage the inevitable

growth process. For this reason, we have suggested a number of exercises in the first two

chapters to help cement the principles discussed. The final five chapters provide more

tactical advice, which can be incorporated into your lifestyle TODAY. I mention this to

mostly emphasize the importance of the first two chapters. They contain the true secrets to

long-term success.

So, let’s get started. The first skill is in understanding the power of positive emotions.

What are they, and why are they important? And, how can I experience them more on a

daily basis?



I: Positive Emotions = Positive Relationships

The most important aspect that men need to understand is that their own happiness and

satisfaction comes first in life. Many guys put the cart before the horse, seeking validation

and approval externally from women in the hopes of finding happiness. This is a certain

way to push women (and people in general) away from you. No one wants or deserves this

kind of pressure upon them. They will recoil from you as from a hot flame. It is often

referred to as “neediness” or “being clingy”. Have you ever been described as that before?

Does the sound of that word cause the pit in your stomach to growl? If so, do not fret.

Many guys share this challenge with you. I, for one, used to be desperate for the approval

of women. That is, until I shattered this old belief set, and replaced it with the one outlined

in this book.

You have to take responsibility for your happiness and satisfaction FIRST. In other words –

YOU validate YOU, YOU approve of YOU. Regardless of what happens with any woman,

your happiness and self-esteem remain intact. Once this is understood, you will be able to

engage in healthy, intimate, relationships.

This is the number one characteristic that attractive men have in common. Let’s rephrase

it, to emphasize how important it is:

My happiness comes first, and it is not dependant on the outside world. A woman’s

acceptance of me (or not) does not change my self-image. I am complete, as a man, and a

human being .

Internalizing this belief takes hard work, and requires you to put yourself first in your life.

Let’s take a moment and consider what other characteristics make a man attractive:

1) A positive attitude

2) Lives within his own reality

3) A leader, who invites people into his world



4) Strong conversation and social skills

5) A stylish, distinctive look

6) Lives his life with focus and passion

These are broad-stroke ideas, which encompass things like: being confident; owning

powerful body language and tonality; knowing what to say; working towards success

career-wise & leading a balanced life. A man who lives with these values has no difficulty

with women, and dating.

He is autonomous.

He is ATTRACTIVE.

Women swoon for men like this. It is far more critical for you to understand what attracts

women, rather than spending hours memorizing lines and gimmicks that will temporarily

cause her to give you her attention. Become a man who embodies these characteristics,

and never worry about getting a girlfriend AGAIN! Instead, spend your time enjoying your

relationship, building a meaningful and worthwhile life. ALL of these topics will be covered

in this book.

Let’s deal with one question that most guys have, and it is an easy one:

“What if I don’t have tons of money? Isn’t that necessary for getting girls? Isn’t that

success?”

Definitely not. First of all, success has very little to do with money unless you ascribe it that

meaning. A cousin of mine is a genius, and graduated first in his class at MIT. He is also

relatively poor, spending his time with community activities such as “Habitat for Humanity”

and other outreach activities. He makes money doing odd jobs on weekends. He

considers himself successful, and is a fascinating person to listen to, and spend time with.If success to you means making $1 million in a year, then that is what it means. The



purpose of this book is to help you see what would make you feel successful, and help you

achieve that. This helps you live more passionately, which is very attractive. So, it is NOT

necessary for you to be making tons of money to experience success with women. What is

necessary is that you live with a clear purpose, and pursue that aim with passion. It is more

attractive to be passionately striving towards a goal than to have achieved that goal and be

lazy.

A key to experiencing success and happiness in life is having healthy relationships with

other people – men and women. When I use the word “relationship” I intend for it to cover

every kind of relationship you can conceive of: the business relationship, the romantic

relationship, the friendship – every person with whom you relate on a regular basis. The

purpose of a relationship is to magnify the human experience. We relate to each other

in order to enhance the meaning and depth of our lives. A healthy relationship is one that

magnifies good, positive emotions. Conversely, a bad or unhealthy relationship is one that

magnifies bad, negative emotions. This is a simple concept which can be challenging for

some people to implement into a living, breathing, framework for life.

This is the first essential skill to living a successful and fulfilling life: understanding how to

relate to all people, not just attractive women, in a positive way. This means you need to

cultivate a positive attitude, seeing the glass half full rather than half empty. You then have

to understand how to project that into the world – in other words, really LIVING it. This,

more than anything, will help you in business, networking, with your friends and family, and

especially with women.

People naturally gravitate towards those who create positive emotions. Think of the guy

you know who is the best with women, and how he seems to effortlessly meet and date

women. He gives them positive emotions, which causes them to want to be around him. It

holds true that you can not encourage and share positive emotions with others unless you

experience them yourselves FIRST. This is why you must put your own fulfillment first. Ifyou are able to connect with your passions, your interests, and all of the positive emotions



that come from living life to the fullest, you will have no problem understanding the nuances

of meeting and engaging with women, with fueling your business and career towards

success, and in any other area of your life.

Think of it like this: why do people flock to see a great comedian perform, or a wondrous

opera singer? It makes them feel good, that’s why! Become a guy who can keep his own

negative emotions in check, like anger, jealousy, suspicion, greed, laziness, excessive

pride and learn how to harness the positive emotions like joy, fascination, humor, and

passion and project them. By doing this, you become a magnet for other positive and

attractive people.

So, right now, think of when you were a kid. That’s right, I am going to get corny for a

second, but you will thank me later – TRUST ME. Remember when you were young,

before you became jaded and shut-down (perhaps), you used to look at the world with a

sense of wonder and possibility. This still exists somewhere inside of you, but you have

lost touch with it.

Now, if your dream as a kid was to be a cowboy, you might be thinking, “what is this guy

saying, that I should learn how to ride a horse, wear chaps and wrangle steer?” Not at all.

The key is to remember the feelings that you experienced as a young boy. By

remembering those feelings, you can see that through adult eyes. What now would fill your

life with passion? It might be learning to play the violin, taking a trip to India, or, learning to

ride a horse!

I remember a number of years ago, I thought I could change the world with my artwork. I

was a theater director, and I lived life with a focus that amazes me even now. I wrote

constantly about my ideas, my theories, my designs, and my dreams. I devoted every last

cent to my productions, and every ounce of energy went to rehearsals or working on the

piece. I was not living a balanced life (which we will discuss later), but I certainly was

focused! I had an image in my mind of what I wanted for my life and my work, and I wasdetermined to go for it at any cost. Whenever I held that image in my mind, it brought a



sense of meaning and purpose to me – instantly. I felt I knew who I was, and what I was

meant to do. Have you ever felt that way too? It is so powerful, and so precious.

Now that I have left the theater, as my dreams came true (seriously), I experience a

different type of passion in my life. It is more balanced and whole, more involving of other

people, more connected to many activities and interests rather than just one. This is what I

always encourage my clients to do. Many men are stretched thin by their careers which

robs them of so much joy. It is one of the great tragedies of the modern age, particularly in

the West. We are so driven to be successful financially that we lose all sense of meaning,

purpose and balance. We also lose sight of the many sides of ourselves, cherishing and

expressing our many differing interests. Does this sound familiar?

I challenge each of you to reconnect to the times when you felt a sense of passion and

wonder for living. This is the taproot wherein lies the energy of success. Men that are

focused and involved in their own world, their own REALITY, are the ones who magnetize

others to them. These men are attractive to women by virtue of their own love for life, and

its outward expression into the world. Ever meet an extremely happy, successful,

passionate man – who had a hard time getting a date? It is rare. Men who feel complete,

and do not seek approval from women do not have difficulty in their pursuit of

companionship. Why? Because they are attractive already…the women pursue them.

Sound nice to you? Would you like to stop chasing and be chased?

You must fulfill yourself first. If you find your life somehow unsatisfying or unfulfilling, that

last thing you need is a woman. In fact, a quality woman will smell your neediness a mile

away and won’t have anything to do with you romantically – period. This is the precise

reason why there are so many quality, single guys in our culture. They are desperate for

companionship. This desperation fills their life and interactions with negative emotions.

Why would someone choose to be in your world under these conditions? If your goal is

fulfillment, success and beauty you must find that within yourself first. Following that, you

will have no trouble finding it outside of you.



EXERCISE

Right now, I want you to write down the dream(s) you had when you were younger.

Whatever it was, write about it. Feel free to jot down more than one. This doesn’t have to

be complicated, or detailed. Just get the major points written down for now. Grab a pen

and paper, and write for about 5-10 minutes.

Remember, we are not out to recreate these in our contemporary lives. The point is to

recall the feelings connected with these dreams. As you wrote them out, you probably had

a moment or two of re-connecting with those emotions.

Now, take a few minutes and brainstorm ways to realize the essence of these emotions in

your current life. For example, perhaps when you were younger, you had a dream to be

Indiana Jones…I think I had that one actually. You might look at that now and realize that

you were really craving adventure. Ask yourself, is this part of me unfulfilled? Am I

unsatisfied here? If so – take some action ASAP. Find a way to begin to reconnect with

these lifelong passions in a contemporary way. This may sound simple, maybe even

hokey, but the effects can be thrilling if you really do the work. If it was adventure, as

highlighted in the above example, you might want to make plans to learn how to scuba

dive. Or, maybe it was music. If so, take some action by buying a violin (a cheap one is

fine) and take some lessons. It could be dancing, sailing, collecting, etc. Creating

fulfillment in your life is as simple as reconnecting with lost or forgotten passions, and

activating a plan to participate IN them. This is the essence of being internally validated –

your life is full and you need no one’s approval of you to create happiness. You have it

already. This is the type of man who is naturally successful with women, because he is

autonomous and fulfilled…in other words, he is ATTRACTIVE.

So, go ahead and brainstorm through these, and conclude by making a commitment to take

action with these immediately. Use the examples above if you need them. Again, grab



some paper and a pen and really write this down. Taking these actions now are critical for

you making these changes in your life. Take about 5-10 minutes again, and get this down

on paper.

Great work. Now, you might be wondering, “Man, when is this guy going to stop with all of

this new age stuff and get down to what I am supposed to do and say with the ladies!”

Well, we will get to that soon. But, take my word for it – do the above, take serious action

with it, and you will find you care less about saying the right thing, and behaving the right

way. This carefree attitude, when combined with passion and focus, is a magnet for

attractive women because it signals to them that you understand yourself, you are

autonomous, and that you are satisfied. These are incredibly positive things, and

communicate to others that your world and your life is a positive place to be. This is a

powerful combination, and only the first skill I am passing along to you to help you with your

dating life. Plus, if you are doing all of these exciting things, you will have much cooler

activities for your dates, AND you are likely to meet lots of women who have these things in

common with you, simply by following your bliss. This is a win-win skill. Make it yours, and

watch your lifestyle and dating lives improve exponentially.



II: Living in Your Own Reality

Let’s start by defining what the phrase “living in your own reality” means. I talk of this often

when working with clients, and they always seem to raise an eyebrow when hearing thisconcept for the first time. A man who lives in his own reality understands a) what he

wants, b) what his limits are, and c) has the ability to live by these in all of his interactions

and relationships. In short, what do you value in life? Knowing what you value, and being

able to live by that is both attractive and empowering. If you do not know what you value,

your relationships will suffer. So many guys, and people, allow themselves to be bowled

over by others into doing, thinking, feeling what others want. The ability to stand by who

you are, and your values is an imperative skill for experiencing success in life and for

having healthy relationships.

Take a moment and clarify for yourself, what do you value? I suggest writing it down. Part

of being an attractive man is in knowing what you want, and what you will stand for. In

order to know that, you must be clear about what you value.

Success can be defined as you reaching YOUR goals. It is very hard to experience deep

and lasting success while pursuing the goals of others. Also, a man who continually

succumbs to the wishes of his mate loses her respect, becoming that “needy”, “clingy” guy I

described earlier. Part of being a man who lives in his own reality is in knowing what your

limits are. This implies that you are willing to compromise and can be flexible, just not past

a certain point. Only you can know this for yourself.

My wish for you is that you really live your own life, as a result making it attractive and

inviting to likeminded people. The man who lives in his own reality is like a magnet

attracting success and beauty into his world. All of the goals of this book, the CEIC

programs and products, can be linked to the theme of living in your own reality.

Let’s highlight this by discussing two examples. Man #1 spends his life reacting to the



world and taking what he can get, his life is spent in loneliness and an endless yearning for

purpose. He walks through life defeated. Inside he knows that there is more and he longs

for the lucky break that will finally give him what he wants. At times he dates and sees

women, yet usually they are not women he is sincerely attracted to. He must compromise

what he dreams for, for what is “realistic.” Typically, his outlook is a negative, and he is

pessimistic about his future. At night he puts his head on the pillow satisfied that he

maintained the status quo, yet deeply he feels empty. What he truly wants, and the energy

to pursue that, has drowned in the pool of mediocrity and laziness fearing the risk of

failure. Metaphorically, he prefers the safety of the valley, rather than the thrilling peaks of

living.

Without an earnest and sincere look at oneself, and a solid plan to emerge from this

relentless cycle, a man’s life becomes an endless succession of days and compromises

filled with false hope that “someday, this will change.”

On the other hand, we have Man #2. This is a man who sees the world as his oyster, a

place wherein he is to receive success, wealth, happiness and fulfillment. He views each

day as an opportunity to express himself through his life as a man with power and

meaning. He is an actor, not a reactor. He is motivated by envisioning positive outcomes

for each scenario that he encounters. He awakens each morning sensing the renewed

opportunity of the day, and he handles his daily challenges with grace and power. He lives

his life as he wishes and he answers to no one. He keeps his own counsel and his life is

balanced and whole. He has good relationships with his family, friends and women. He

naturally attracts women into his world. His positive energy is infectious. People want to

be part of this, as they feel good in his presence. He thrives in the midst of a challenge,

and he is convinced that he will succeed. His life is complete, and each day he moves

forward towards his next goal. He feels empowered in knowing exactly what he wants, and

feels confident that his plan of action will produce this result. He is living in his own reality,

magnetizing like-minded people into his world.



I hope that those examples are clear to you. My experience with clients is that most guys

tend towards man number one, with bits and pieces of man number two sprinkled in here

and there. Does that sound like you?

Let’s break this down. Over the years, I have noticed a number of “symptoms” that indicate

that a person is not really living his own life (aka – living in his own reality). In fact, there

are nine. These nine indicators are as follows:

1) You are overly stubborn, and feel that you must hold to a hard and fast line in

anything to protect yourself rather than being flexible and open-minded;

2) You tend to respond angrily to the world, particularly over meaningless things (road

rage, anger at sports, etc);

3) Your relationships with others are often strained as your unreasonable demands of

your friends and family are often unmet (you continually feel “let down” by others

over small things);

4) In a discussion or an argument you often allow yourself to be bowled over by others,

often finding yourself agreeing with them, valuing their opinion more than your own;

5) You are very defensive, fearing the impact of others on your life and world – you see

people as “out to get me”;

6) You suffer from chronic loneliness;

7) You look up to others in an unhealthy way, and secretly want to be like them;

8) When you do stand your ground, you feel guilty that you have hurt someone’s

feelings;

9) If I asked you now if you were truly happy, you would have to think about your

answer.

Those are the primary symptoms I have seen in my work over the past few years. There

are more. If you find yourself nodding your head yes to most or all of these, my guess is

that you are someone whose reality is weak, forcing you to seek approval from the outsideworld. This is a recipe for unsatisfying interactions and relationships with women.



This skill is closely aligned with the first skill of building a life filled with positive emotions,

and really connecting with that part of yourself that is filled with a passion hungering to be

expressed. This is how you release the energy to truly pursue your passions, as well as

understanding what it is you want for your life.

So many guys do not value themselves. Instead of valuing themselves, their thoughts,

feelings, opinions and interests – they value other people’s more. Does this describe you?

Answer this: are you a leader, or a follower? Leaders live within their own reality, attracting

followers to them. The nature of a follower is to seek someone to follow. Usually this

someone offers something of value to the follower (like adventure, meaning, knowledge, or

excitement), making it worth his time. A follower may have brilliant ideas, opinions and

theories, but he doesn’t have the necessary belief and conviction to lead. He does not

value himself. He does not see himself as being a man who can offer something

worthwhile to others, and the world. His reality, therefore, is weak, lacking in charisma.

Lets now discuss the attitudes and beliefs of a Man who does live in his own reality.

1) I am a success in all that I do;

2) I can attract any woman that I want;

3) I am an attractive man;

4) I can make a connection with anyone I want;

5) I am confident and a leader;

6) I am good enough for anyone;

7) My world and my life are attractive and interesting;

8) I thrive when in the presence of beautiful women.

What is the commonality that all of these characteristics contain? This man has a positive

outlook on life. Instead of being addicted to negativity, and seeing the world as a hostile

place, he sees it as a place to express his identity and to share success and happiness with



others.

Now, for a second, imagine how powerful it will be to walk through life with this belief set!

How powerful would you be? Our hunch is that most guys tend to walk through the world

with some very limiting beliefs in place.

Let’s break these beliefs down:

1) I am a Success in All that I Do

Ever know someone for whom this phrase applies: “Everything he touches turns to

Gold.”? I have…and they were my envy for sometime, I must say. Now, I have learned

from them and from my own experience that this can be condensed into two ideas. One

is that they are strongly focused on success. They know what they want and believe in

themselves. They are driven, and predict successful outcomes for their actions in their

mind. Secondly, everything that happens to them is immediately framed as a positive.

So, if a deal goes badly, they don’t become overly remorseful, and sad, depressed.

They see it as an opportunity to go for something else, and then they continue forward.

2) I Can Attract any Woman I Want

Attraction for women is not the same as attraction for men. With men, we are fairly

certain within a few seconds whether we are attracted to a woman or not –right? You

are walking down the street, and a beautiful woman passes you, you can feel something

in your body correct? This signal means “attraction”. Well, the same is sometimes true

for women, but, this is more the exception and not the rule. In truth, women are hit on

regularly by guys. Imagine a beautiful women strolling down the streets of New York.

She will be whistled and stared at all day long. In public and social situations, she can

be guarded, because she knows she is sought after. Attraction for her is slower, more

deliberate. This is due to her being sought after, and her need to protect herself fromundesirable men. The men who actually reach her are the ones who are able to



penetrate past this barrier with their energy and their language. The attitudes I am

discussing now create an energy, or vibe, that is attractive to women.

3) I am an Attractive Man

Very often, we hear of and see women who are with men who, to us, are not attractive.

To the woman, though, he is. How is this? Well, it is partly what we described in point

number 2: women are attracted in a different way. Women are very attracted by

confidence, and self-assuredness (aka – living in your own reality). If you believe you

are attractive, the world will too. Most guys look at themselves and assume that they

are unattractive, or not attractive “enough”. This is reinforced by their lack of success

with women. Get past this limiting belief, and place yourself in a position of inwardly

feeling attractive, confident, and self-assured. This attracts women. The extremes men

tend to experience are low self-esteem, and arrogance. I meet a lot of guys, and most

of them display these qualities. This is a fast way to loneliness and isolation. What you

are looking for is a calm, relaxed, assured sense of yourself projecting a certainty that

any challenge is surmountable, and that any woman can be attracted.

4) I Can Make a Connection with Anyone I Want

Building connections is the basis for all success in the world. It is that simple. In our

programs and products we teach men techniques for building emotional connections

with women. This art can be translated to building connections with colleagues,

networking, family, friends etc. This is not about showing that you care, it is about

ACTUALLY caring. Lots of guys I meet just want to be told what to say, what to do, to

get the woman of their dreams. Unfortunately, success doesn’t come that way. You

have to become that man. Part of being successful is relating to others in a positive and

meaningful way. Great business leaders are successful because they care about their

employees. Recently, some have been caught for enormous scandals because theycheated their employees. Negativity always comes back to haunt you. I am not



suggesting that you become anyone’s, and in particular any woman’s, crying towel -

absolutely not. Part of building a strong connection is in understanding the nature of

responsibility and how to challenge people. Strength is shared both through listening,

and by demonstrating compassion by challenging the woman to live her life in a more

positive and healthy way. If you want to stop being her crying towel, or “best friend”,

learn how to be both compassionate and challenging. You understand, and sympathize

with her challenge, but you also are willing to point her in a positive direction. This

strengthens the connection, and helps you maintain your masculinity.

5) I am Confident and a Leader

I spoke about this a bit earlier, but its importance cannot be stressed enough. I have

one question for you: whose life are you living? Are you living yours, and feeling the

natural sense of power that comes with autonomy? Or, are you doing what others feel

you should? Have your passions waned? Do you find yourself “reacting” to the world?

If so, you need to spend some time learning leadership qualities. My short definition of

a leader is:

A person who understands what he wants, is willing and able to go for it, takes action in

that desired direction, and is convinced of his own success.

People are naturally drawn to leaders in the world. They exude charisma and their

personalities are friendly, open, and challenging.

6) I am Good Enough for Anyone

Many men secretly feel unworthy of beautiful women and success. There is pressure on

us to perform and be successful. When we fall short, we can take the “failure”

personally. This creates a negative cycle of failure, and low self-esteem. The mediahas created an image of success that is delivered to us in the form of advertising,



television, magazines, “Hollywood” etc. No matter what the world tries to tell us, no

matter what others feel or think about us, we, at some point, accept that reality, adopt it

and live from it. If you don’t fall into the traditional image of a successful man (rich,

famous, powerful) you can feel like a failure because you don’t fall into the traditional

model of success. Can this be removed, and replaced with an entirely new reality?

Absolutely! The best solution to this is to focus on yourself and get your own “side of

the street” in order. Then, let’s take a more objective look at things and realize that we

know very little about someone else. It is arrogant to assume that we are not “good

enough” for a woman we do not even know! Why not assume you know nothing about

her (which is the truth, by the way)? This is a great place to begin a sincere

conversation with someone, with genuine curiosity.

7) My World and my Life are Attractive and Interesting

Maybe you don’t feel this way right now…I didn’t for a while. But what I want you to

understand is that if you COULD feel this way, your world would instantly look different

to you. There is so much out there for us to experience, enjoy, and enhance our lives

with. I suggest you try to make the most of what you have now. If you have friends you

haven’t spoken with for a while, give them a call and see what they are up to. Be

genuinely curious. Also, take a look around your home (maybe you have to straighten it

up) and see what is there already that you have accumulated and/or collected that you

find interesting. Perhaps there is a book you have been meaning to read. Or, maybe it

is a cookbook with recipes you enjoy but, you haven’t taken the time to learn to do any

of them because of laziness or, the ever present, “I am too tired tonight…maybe

tomorrow” Ask yourself, am I growing right now? If I wanted to step out of the box and

try something new, what would it be? What do I feel passionate about? Is there a way

to bring that passion closer to me? Perhaps it is a hobby you haven’t given any

attention to. Or, maybe I used to love to go hear the orchestra, but have let that slide

due to the challenges of the “real world”. The key is to see where you are caught in arut, and force your way out! Stop accepting less than what you deserve! If you become



more invested in your life, more involved, more passionate…guess what that does? It

magnetically draws people into it – it attracts them…

8) I Thrive when in the Presence of Beautiful Women

Last but not least (certainly)…

Remember the last time you were in the presence of a truly beautiful woman? Do you

recall what happened? I bet it went something like this - you saw her, felt instantly

attracted to her, felt a new and exciting energy in your body, then…you became a

different person. Your brain started firing negative messages such as “I could never get

her”, “she is out of my league”, “guys like me don’t get women like that” and you

became totally paralyzed with fear. That’s usually how it goes – we get nervous,

anxious, we wonder what to say, we can’t relax, we wonder what they are thinking…

etc. Ever watch a natural in the presence of beautiful women? He thrives, he is in his

element, and he is truly happy and joyous. And why shouldn’t he be? He is surrounded

by beauty. Poets and writers spend their lives describing the inspiring nature of beauty.

What is it that causes us to shut down, retreat, and become “Mr. Hyde” in this case? It

is a double-edged sword. The one end is the pressure of needing her approval. The

other end is that you probably feel a sense of shame that accompanies someone who is

not living up to what he feels is his potential.

If you find yourself nodding your head as you read these, you are probably in the same

position I was in a few years ago…and I don’t envy where you ARE, but I rejoice in

knowing that where you are going is infinitely better, filled with more happiness, joy and

success than you can imagine. If you really devote yourself to yourself , and faithfully

pursue all that I outline in this book your life is about to be totally restructured, enhanced

and given an enormous encouraging boost in the right direction.

I encourage you to write down both your current set of beliefs and attitudes towards

women, success and life, and a new list of beliefs that can empower you and propel you



forward. How would you like to see the world, if you could choose? In our “Natural

Attraction” audio program, I cover this in great detail. You are led through a series of

state-of-the-art exercises designed to transform your current set of beliefs into ones that

effectively and powerfully move you forward into life.

III: Bringing Her Into Your World

Quiz time:

What is the better date idea?

1) Take her out for dinner and a movie

2) Take her to a funeral

3) Take her shopping with you, to help you pick out clothes for an event; then to a cool

lounge to join some friends of yours for a drink

4) Coffee

5) Show her your stamp collection

The answer should be obvious, based on how many words I put into each answer! Of

course, it is number three. A lot of guys pick number one or four because they are

standard date ideas. There is nothing essentially wrong with either, but if you want to

differentiate yourself from the pack, the third option is the way to go. Not only is it more

interesting, but it illuminates part of your world to her.

The idea of bringing a woman into your world is something I observed naturals doing a long

time ago, but had no context to understand it. Since I have studied male-female dynamics,

I can see now why this is so important and useful.

Think about it for a second. If your life is a fascinating and passionate place for you,

doesn’t it make sense to involve someone you like into that energy? If your world is filled

with positive emotions, when you bring a woman into it, she will see that your lifestyle is



attractive. You cease having to worry about what to do or say, simply because your life

says many positive things about you! Your world speaks on your behalf, which is much

more powerful than you saying it over coffee at a Starbuck’s.

This is the main reason I believe that the biggest problem most guys face when looking at

their dating life is the absence of any real purpose, passion and people in their world.

These are the three P’s to building an attractive lifestyle:

Purpose

Passion

People

Purpose can be defined as you having a primary aim that connects all of your life’s

activities. This purpose or aim can be phrased in the positive, and with an action verb in

place. For example, a recent client stated his aim as follows: (reprinted with permission of

the author)

I am committed to my spiritual development as a man. Everything that I am involved in is

connected to my personal evolution. I will only take part in activities that force me to open

my heart, and my eyes, to the beauty of the world.

Nice huh? Because he is so devoted to this aim, all of his activities and actions take on a

certain color or PURPOSE that gives it a definite meaning to him. Therefore, he wastes

less time, and spends more time LIVING, rather than wasting away on a sofa somewhere.

I encourage you now to spend five minutes and write down a purpose. Write the first thing

that comes to mind, and remember to phrase it as an active and positive aim you are

pursuing.

If you find that this changes, or becomes clearer to you in the near future feel free to



change or revise it. This is written in sand for now. But very soon, you will want to really

devote yourself to this. You will find that certain activities you used to do lose their meaning

to you, and you drop them. Or, you see that certain things you were involved in take on

more meaning, increasing your interest and focus.

Passion can be defined as pursuing your purpose with a positive attitude and a strong

drive of energy. As your purpose becomes clearer, you will find that you are only willing to

participate in activities that have a personal meaning for you. Perhaps your purpose is to

build wealth. You might find yourself stopping playing so much golf on the weekends, and

instead taking marketing seminars to help your new business. What you will find is that by

harnessing the power of your aim, you will increase productivity in your life by only

participating in these meaningful activities. This naturally unlocks a powerful, positive,

passionate energy that motivates you forward in every area of your life.

People can be defined as having a social circle that is active, nurturing and outgoing. A

vital social circle tends not to stay in all night watching TV. I encourage guys to develop

friendships that help them enter the world. Positive relationships, remember, are those that

magnify positive emotions. Being outgoing and involved in the world yields a tremendous

amount of positive emotion. Also, by being involved in activities that have a personal

meaning to you, you will naturally meet people with similar interests. This helps you to

cultivate and grow your social circle of friends. If your social circle seems to be in a rut,

take the lead and jazz things up. Organize an outing – go play Lazer Tag for example. Or,

throw a party by making up a fun, ridiculous excuse to do so! Use your imagination, be

creative, and have fun. This helps cultivate a healthy, outgoing social life, which naturally

helps you meet more women! I will fully discuss the value of an active social circle in the

next chapter.

If you can create a vital lifestyle that is interesting and meaningful you will have much more

going for you than most other guys. In addition, you will have a myriad of date ideas thatare different and personal. This is a winning combination.



Let’s get into a bit of the philosophy of this a bit. Many women, when on a date with a guy,

are screening him to see if this is a man who can provide security for them. This is an

automatic and biological screen that woman filter men through when dating. Why are some

women attracted to wealthy men? Because it indicates that the man is able to provide

financial security. He is a provider, and this is attractive to many women. Of course, this

does not necessarily mean that he can provide emotional security. But, having wealth is

very attractive for this reason.

If your life is chaotic, disorganized, lacking purpose and direction, she will unconsciously

see you as a man who cannot provide security. Why? If you can not take care of yourself,

how could you ever help grow a nurturing and loving relationship or family? However, if

you are able to fill your life with positive emotions, and build a meaningful lifestyle that has

direction, you will be successful, and happy. This communicates the ability to provide

security to a woman. You can’t provide something to someone, or to a relationship, if you

can’t give it to yourself. You must be secure with yourself first, and demonstrate that

through your image, personality and lifestyle.

Also, the inability to manage one’s external life is a direct look into one’s internal life. If your

outer life is filled with negativity, it is very likely that your inner life is too. Guess what - this

is unattractive. If your outer world is filled with positive emotions, and enjoyable

experiences, your inner world will be too. If you are content and connect with the world with

a positive attitude, any and everything that comes your way will automatically be attached

with positive emotions for you and those related to you.

This makes the concept of bringing her into your world so powerful, because by doing so

you are able to strengthen the attraction she already feels for you by revealing that you are

a man who can provide positive emotions, a healthy lifestyle, and the all-important security .

OK, let’s step away briefly from philosophy, and discuss how this actually looks in real life.



Let’s return to our dating example from earlier in the chapter. Why is option three from

earlier in the chapter so effective (taking her shopping with you, to pick out clothes for an

event; then off to a lounge to join some friends)? Because you are bringing her into your

world, and it is a world that is filled with positive emotions like joy, humor, fellowship,

camaraderie etc. Not only will she have a great time while with you, she will also see that

you, your friends, and your activities are fun. After experiencing this, don’t you think she

will want to see you again? Of course!

A lot of guys have trouble on the phone. They get flustered when they cannot see the girl,

and read her facial expressions and body language. I used to feel this way, until I started

relying on one simple rule – bring her into my world. My life is a positive and interesting

place. So, when I am talking with a woman on the phone, I simply describe to her all of the

positive and interesting things going on around me. I might describe something funny I

heard earlier in the day, I might talk about a project we just completed at work and how

happy we all are, or I might simply describe to her exactly what I see in front of me as I walk

home – describing my world in an imaginative and interesting way. By doing this, you

connect positive emotions and experiences to her calling you, which naturally increases her

interest in you. Make sense?

Any date idea that involves positive, fun experiences combined with it being on your turf,

and in your world, are all great ideas. One caveat is, if after 3-4 dates, if she is not trying to

arrange time with you to show you her world and life, she is probably loosing interest in

you. But, the first few dates should be about you revealing the powerful, fulfilling life you

live to her in an intelligent way. You don’t want to take a girl on a first date to a pre-

wedding dinner for your best friend from college. Can you see how uncomfortable that

might make her, and you?

On a first date, you need to spend time with her, alone, so that she can feel comfortablewith you by getting to know you. Better to take her first to a great gallery opening for



example. Here, you can begin to get comfortable around each other, able to always

discuss the art exhibit for conversation. Then, after this time together, you take her to a

cool lounge or bar where they read great poetry all night. It just so happens everyone

knows you there, because it is one of your favorite places. How nice it is that some of your

friends are at the poetry reading, showing the woman another aspect of who you are as you

kid around with your friends. This reveals what a great guy you are, and the kinds of

interesting activities you pursue.

I hope you can see how this works, and how valuable this strategy is. I hesitate to use the

word “strategy” as I do not advocate playing games. But, let this be your plan going

forward, because a guy without a plan needs a lot of luck and tends to spend a lot of

weekends alone. A guy with a plan can relax in knowing that his activities and his lifestyle

will do a lot of the work for him by revealing his personality in a powerful and positive way.

So, let’s summarize what we have covered in the first three chapters. What is being

described is essentially a two-step process:

1) Get your life together by filling it with positive emotions, and by reducing negativity.

2) Bring women that interest you INTO that world, allowing your life to reveal how

successful and happy you are.

If you are able to successfully incorporate these two skills into your life, you will likely never

need to approach a woman again – they will be doing everything possible to get into your

life and your world! By focusing on these aspects, and by becoming naturally attractive,

you will create more joy and abundance in your world…a great by-product, wouldn’t you

say?

IV: The Social Self – Presenting Yourself with Power

As I mentioned earlier, the way most people meet romantically is through social circles. An

example would be when a friend sets you up with someone. Or, you are invited to a party,



and meet a woman there. In fact, women are used to meeting men in these scenarios.

This is why your chances of meeting women that lead to fulfilling relationships from your

social circle are much higher than if you choose solely to meet them via more anonymous

social settings (bars, clubs, even internet dating). So, why not learn some ways then to

enhance your social circle in order to optimize the best way available to you for meeting

women?

Expanding your social circle has a snowball effect. You meet one person, they invite you to

a party, and guess what – you have just also met 25 of her friends. You meet three people

at the party, which leads to 3 times the amount of people in your social circle. Being open-

minded and social is a great way to expand our world in an effort to find like-minded

people.

So, what are some specific ways that we can enhance our social circle?

Saying “Yes”

Be in the know about happenings in your community

Doing things alone

Be a leader

Saying “Yes”

I was recently working with a guy here in New York, in a one-on-one capacity. He

mentioned to me that he had lots of friends, but they were not involved in activities that he

was interested in. So, I asked him, “what do you do instead?” He said he liked to work out,

or go home and read. These are fine activities, but it was clear that this guy’s social life

was a bit out of balance. We realized eventually that his idea of a good time was doing

something he knew in advance would be fun. He was not willing to step out of his comfort

zone and try something new.

My advice to him, and to you too, is to say “yes” more often. If someone asks you to jointhem for an event, say “yes”. If a group is heading out for a drink after work and you’re



invited, say “yes”. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and experience new

things. You will meet new people, and you may find you like the new activity. Your life can

only get larger if you say “yes”, and it will only shrink by saying “no”. Last, if you stretch

your comfort zone, you will have to relate to people differently than you do in your “safe”

zones. We tend to talk about the same things in our customary environments. If we

change the environments, by saying “yes” to new activities, our social skills will improve.

Passionate people are open-minded, and naturally curious about things they do not know.

You can’t lose when you say “yes”. Take advantage of every new opportunity presented.

Know Your Local Events!

Part of being a social person is in knowing what is happening in your local community.

There is likely more to your town or city than meets the eye. Find where events are listed

for your city, and check it out on a regular basis. As you become more involved in your life

by pursuing interests and hobbies, you will be privy to the events surrounding that area of

interest. Here in New York, we have The Village Voice which lists each week’s cultural

events. Everything is covered, from movies and theater, to music and art, lectures and

seminars. Find where this information is kept in your local community, and try some of

them out.

You can often find interesting, FREE events, openings, exhibitions and promotions by

searching your community calendar. Often, free events are off-beat, and can provide for an

interesting and adventurous evening. If the event is bizarre, strange, and otherwise

horrible, that’s GREAT. Leave it with a laugh, proving that you are both open to discovering

new things in your community. It reveals that you have good taste and are unafraid to walk

away from something boring and uncomfortable, plus it gives the two of you a great story to

tell.

About a year ago, I was leaving the subway on my way home. I noticed a lot of people



heading in one direction, so I decided to follow them to discover what it was they were

going to see. It turned out that just two blocks away from my home was a rather large, and

very cool, cultural center where they were hosting a big party that night. It involved a large

gallery opening, a banqueted meal, and a huge dance party that went late into the night.

Had I not been paying attention, without an open mind, I would have never known about the

event or the venue, which I attended numerous times afterward. Pay attention to what is

happening around you. Often people will post about events, parties and lectures on the

community board in a grocery store. This is a great way to meet new people, and expand

your social circle.

Going Out Alone

Also, if no one in your current network wants to go, feel free to go alone (gasp). Why not?

Go to things alone, and force yourself to interact with new people. I have always had

positive results from doing things alone. The key is to make friends when you arrive. Your

goal is to meet new people, right? Why not apply a little social pressure to yourself and go

alone, so you cannot hide behind your familiar friends? The worst thing that happens is

that you attend an event, you extend your hand in introduction to people and they

completely reject you (never happens by the way, but this is the worst case scenario)

thereby proving to you that they are snobs. You leave knowing you tried to meet new

people and they were just too close-minded to make space for a new, cool person in their

little world. With the right attitude, going to things alone is a great way to expand your

social circle. If you decide to do this, here is a strategy for increasing your effectiveness:

1) Arrive, and introduce yourself to the host of the party

2) Mingle with some of the guys there (way easier for most guys to chat with guys…

right?)

3) Now that you have some male friends as a base, mingle within their social circle –

who knows, they may have single, available female friends with them.

4) Then, begin to mingle off of their social circle. As you converse and discuss things,



bring other people into it – “hey, we are discussing ___, what do you think about ____?”

Presto, you have just expanded the social circle.

The above is a four-step outline which describes a structure to mingling. Now, you can

take this further if there is a woman there that has caught your eye, and you want to meet

her.

5) Take the lead, and move the group you are in to “her” area of the room.

6) When you are in her vicinity, bring into your circle the closest person to you that is in

“her” circle.

7) Again, take the lead, and present the topic to her circle, connecting the two social

circles.

Presto, you are involved in her circle. When she says something, take the lead and

respond. This begins a conversation with you and her. One word of advice, if you really

want to begin a good conversation with her, and make it look smooth in the process –

disagree with whatever she says. That’s right, find a way to disagree with her. Then, it

makes perfect sense that the two of you talk – as you now have to work out your

disagreement!

The above structure is a classic way of socializing that has worked for me countless times.

If your goal is merely to expand your social circle, follow this and find yourself meeting new

people constantly. This is also a great way to smoothly meet the “her” in the room. Of

course, you can also just walk up to her and introduce yourself…that might be simpler, and

more impressive too. Doing that is a lot easier if you have made some friends first, and

established a home base somewhere in the sea of strangers.

Within social circles, if a person is interested in another, the way to signal your interest is

to….talk to them! That’s it – real simple. Above I outline a smooth strategy to get fromknowing no one to talking with the one who catches your eye. But, if you are interested in a



the lead and make it happen. Your friends may or may not be interested in meeting new

people. That is why it is so important for you to be willing to go out alone – particularly if it

is something you really want to see, or experience. One way to lead is to organize events

and activities. I used to have a loft in Brooklyn, and would throw monthly parties as a way

to expand my social circle. After every party, I would have new numbers of women that I

eventually dated. Had I not taken the lead, and gone through the effort of making the event

happen, I would have never met them. Also, I made countless new friends in the process.

Another fringe benefit to throwing parties is that when you are out meeting new people in

other environments, you have an automatic way of keeping in touch with them – “Hey, I am

throwing a party next month, give me your email address and I will send you an invite”. All

of these new people show up to your party, and now you are on your home turf, meeting

new people. Everyone wants to meet you because it is your party!

I understand that you may not have the space to throw a party, but most people are able to

throw dinner parties, right? Here is an idea – throw a dinner party, and ask each friend to

bring someone completely new who will not know the other people there. I used to do this

a lot, and it always makes for an exciting evening. Also, develop a theme around the

dinner. I remember one dinner party I threw was based on a Mediterranean theme, and

another was an evening with different “stews” from around the world. Use your imagination

and have fun with it. Again, this is a great way to meet new people. Feel free to confide in

your female friends that they are more than welcome to bring their single friends along…

Lastly, if you are totally out of ideas, throw a party in another person’s space. Ask your

friends, who happen to have the killer house in the center of town, if they would mind if you

threw a dinner party at their house. You will manage the invites, the décor, and the clean-

up, while everyone invited will bring a dish to the night. All they have to do is get dressed

and have a good time. If the party is going to be big, get some friends to help you out. The

basic rule of thumb is to have one person helping you for every ten guests. So, if you can

only find three other friends to help you with the party, be sure to have no more than thirtypeople attend…this is supposed to be fun, right?



If you use your imagination, there is no way you can be stopped from expanding your social

circle. The last tip I want to add in here may surprise you, but, it can go a long way to

improving your social life.

The Value in Being Friends

Since we are now interested in both meeting women, and improving our social lives, we will

hopefully be dating a lot more in the near future. Sometimes though, these dating

scenarios will not evolve into romantic relationships. What we usually do is throw out the

number and move on to the “next one”. This is sometimes a good rule, but every so often, I

will date a woman that I really enjoy, but we don’t share that special, romantic, chemistry.

In these scenarios, I always advise guys to focus on establishing a friendship instead. As

we meet new people, it is very common that we run across women that we want to have as

friends. The reasons for this vary. Sometimes a woman is only open to a friendship with a

man, as she is too busy with her work. Perhaps she just broke up with a guy, and simply is

unwilling to open her heart to someone new. In my experience, some of the best

relationships I have had, and observed, started with a friendship.

For some of you, this may cause indigestion. You are probably thinking, “Hey, I bought this

book to help me STOP being friends with all of these women – and now you are suggesting

I purposely MAKE friends with them?? I am confused.” The point is, in the realm of social

interaction, sometimes there is simply not enough “skill” or “strategy” that will get you the

girl! Sometimes, it is not meant to be. Finding meaningful relationships with women is not

akin to hunting deer in the forest. You may have to accept the gray area of friendship at

times. As you improve your abilities to display your personality with women (who, might I

remind you, before you were completely unable to even TALK TO!), you will find that some

of these interactions never make it to the “romance” stage. Why not take the positive,

healthy route, and accept a friendship with this person (not just a body with breasts buddy),adding a new, healthy and positive component to your life!



Most guys have problems communicating with women, so having some female friends in

their life is a GREAT idea. Also, you now become part of her social network. She probably

has friends that are similar to her in many ways, which might indeed turn into a romantic

prospect for you in the future. Ultimately, having more and more women in your world is a

good thing. What I try to urge guys NOT to do is to instantly exclude those that we do not

“get”. The outcome for that action is certain – a smaller world. Our goal is to expand it.

There are plenty more fish in the sea guys…

V: Communicating with Women

We have heard them all: “I just don’t know what to say to her”, or “I said the wrong thing to

her, and that blew it for me”, and “I freeze up when I am in front of a woman, and I can’t

think of anything to say.” These are very common. Not knowing what to say, and fearing

you might say the wrong thing are legitimate concerns. It is very common for well-meaning,

cool guys, to misrepresent themselves when talking to women. This happens every day,

and women walk away thinking “that guy was a creep”. Some guys are, but most are not.

With some very simple guidelines, you can improve your communication skills, and

increase your abilities to relate to women. Lets get started…

Meeting women

Some of you reading this book are currently experiencing difficulty in meeting new women.

Also, many of you guys do meet new women, but have difficulty in arranging a solid datewith them for the future. This can be very frustrating. Most men experience a lack of

choice in their lives that leaves them very dissatisfied. They typically feel that the women

in their lives have selected them, and not the inverse. Wouldn’t you like to change this?

Most of our clientele are interesting, intelligent, motivated, and generous guys. However,

put an attractive woman in front of him, and he loses any and all sense of who he is. His

knees quickly turn to jell-o, and smoke starts coming out of his ears. This is the guy who



asks a myriad of questions as he struggles for air, just to keep the interaction alive, while

the girl continually checks her watch, seeking a quick and easy escape. Then there is the

guy who knows all the “right” things to say, but he simply does not understand how to

structure the interaction so that the woman eventually sees him as someone to spend

FURTHER time with. She might think he is cool, and funny, but is she ready to carve out

an evening of her life to give to him? Probably not. That is why you need a PLAN.

I have failed many times with trying to meet women, until I formulated a simple, three-step

plan. This plan gives you a structure that allows you to display your personality to a woman

in a way that is smooth and interesting. It eliminates the “creepy” factor, while giving you

ample opportunity to connect with her so that she is comfortable with seeing you again.

This structure alleviates nervousness and discomfort for you, increasing your chances of

success. It also reduces the stress level in your brain which continually screams, “What am

I supposed to say???” These three steps are:

1) Engage

2) Hook

3) Connect

Let’s cover these one by one, and I will include within it an actual conversation I had with a

woman recently here in a New York City bookstore. This will illustrate each step in the

process.

Engage : Seems simple enough, right? Just, begin the conversation. But, you have to do it

in the right way. Understand the environment you are in, and play at the edges of the

social norms (for example, talking to a stranger is outside of the social norm). Begin the

conversation with a light tease, a flirtatious comment, a humorous remark, or just

something simple, such as:

ME (in the poetry aisle of a bookstore): “Deep down, I really hate poetry. But, funny



enough, I find myself back here in the poetry aisle over and over and over again.”

HER: “Oh really…?”

ME: “Yeah, I feel there is some part of me that thinks it can conquer poetry, if I just read

enough, I will unlock the secrets of the poem. I guess I am attracted by challenge.”

This is an actual example from my life, and it definitely worked. I dated this woman for

some time after engaging her with the above. It is simple, it brings us together because we

are both in the poetry section of the store, and I am not asking a bunch of boring personal

questions. By speaking about my experience, and by paying attention to her reactions, I

was able to lead her into a conversation. Just keep it simple and light. Adding in humor

makes this step even more effective.

I particularly enjoy this type of opening, as it is not scripted. I do advocate “lines” as a way

to engage, but if you are able to create something on the spot that is even better. Why? It

is more organic, which helps you be more natural. This automatically leads to a more alive

interaction. Also, “lines” tend to sound scripted, contrived and artificial, which lower your

chances of actually beginning the conversation. Women are naturally turned-off by pre-

scripted lines. They tend to signal that a guy can’t simply be in the moment, and begin a

natural conversation. Often, they will sound too good and women will respond with “good

line”. There is a huge stigma out there about “lines”, as they are usually used by guys only

seeking sex. If you really find something interesting about the woman, use that as a way to

engage her in conversation. If not, why do you want to talk to her?

Ultimately, if you are nervous about beginning a conversation with a woman, feel free to

use a pre-scripted line or question. I never counsel a guy to rely too much upon lines, but

sometimes a guy needs to learn to approach a woman first, and then how to have a natural

conversation. Trying is always better than not trying. Think of these pre-scripted lines astraining wheels. As you get better at socializing with women, drop them. I teach clients to



engage women with specific topics of conversation. Usually, the engage portion begins

with a question about topics that tend to interest women.

Hook : What does it mean to hook her into the interaction? Basically, this means to create

enough interest in yourself causing her to want you to stay and continue the conversation

rather than leave. I am sure you have been in conversations where you really wanted to

leave, and in others where you were interested enough to stay. I help guys put themselves

in position to realize the second scenario, and eliminate the first one!

There are two things to keep in mind after you engage her in conversation. Number one is

never come across as “needy” or “desperate”. Here are some common ways that guys do

this: they ask a lot of questions just to keep the conversation going; they fidget when they

talk; they don’t look the woman in the eye when speaking; they fumble their speech; and

they lean-in with their body language. If you do any of these things when talking with

women, STOP. I am serious – stop it now. This communicates insecurity and

nervousness, which naturally causes them to feel the same way. It is unreasonable to

expect yourself to be free of nerves when talking with women. It IS reasonable to expect

you to eliminate nervous behavior from your interactions. Understood?

Another way that guys come across as “needy” is that they do not understand how to

present themselves in a powerful, elegant, masculine way, causing her to want to know

more about you. You will know you are getting there when she starts to asking questions

and wanting to know about you. You can “hook” her in many ways. Demonstrating a great

sense of humor is one way, or that you have had interesting experiences. Also, be

revealing that you are a person she can learn from is very powerful. Let’s just continue my

conversation from above, so that I can demonstrate:

ME: “A number of years ago, I was traveling in France, and I met this Polish girl, who

was also a poet. We had a lot of pretentious conversations about poetry, but along theway, she took me to a tiny cemetery, which was solely reserved for poets. Interesting eh?”



HER: “Yeah, I guess, if you like cemeteries”

ME: “Well, she was cute, and I was young, so, she could have taken me to prison and I

would have gone”

HER: “Are you old now or something?” (said flirtatiously)

ME: “Haha, no, just less swept away by cute little girls…they tend to be boring, though

fun…that’s very ordinary though, particularly in the States…but, I digress.

(The above is simply classic flirting and challenging. Now, here is where I hook her)

ME: “Anyway, so we walk thru the cemetery, and then go outside of the gates to eat our

lunch on a bench by the street…is this boring you by the way?”

HER: “No no – you are entertaining me – I like to be entertained” (as you can see, she

had a great sense of humor)

ME: “All those years of training…finally paying off…mom would be so proud! Well, we sit

down and play this amazing game as we eat the best Foie Gras in the world”

HER: “And, what was this game?”

ME: “We made a poem together…here, since you are into poetry, let’s make a haiku

together – but you have to think quickly on your feet. Oh, and she was very good, so the

standard has been set very high…I have faith that you are up to the challenge. I will

start…”

Can you believe it? We were creating a poem together in under 5 minutes. The great thingis – you need to have NO idea about how to really make a haiku for this to work. Being



BAD at it is just as good as being good at it. If this doesn’t seem to be your speed – there

are a million other things to do, just use your imagination (another attractive quality, by the

way). The point is, I created something out of nothing, and involved her in a challenging

and fun interaction. This hooked her into our conversation, and she wanted to know a lot

more about me. We eventually went to some vacant seats, and continued our

conversation. This leads me into the third, and final thing you must cover in order to secure

a solid date with a woman you are interested in, we call it:

The Quick Connection: It has to be quick, because typically both of you aren’t just available

to hang out all afternoon. (If you are, by all means go for it). How do you build a quick

connection in this scenario? You build commonalities, or you share real-time experiences.

In this case, it was easy to build a commonality, and in fact, she did ALL of the work:

HER: “I love France, I was there recently working, and every time I leave I swear to myself

that I will live there some day”

ME: “Perhaps as a haiku master…”

HER: “Haha – no, I doubt that – there is just something about the country, the language,

the passion, that I crave”

ME: “Me too – you know, a number of years ago I was on Montmartre and I was walking

around – it was a clear morning. I noticed an amazing artists studio overlooking the city. It

received beautiful light, and had a nice open room in the middle with a fireplace. This was

all I could see as I passed by the window. Anyway, that is my future French home – the

one I think about when I think of moving to France – because I do it probably once a week.

I love it there too”

Presto – we have something in common and have shared our sincere and mutual desire tolive overseas. We always had this in common, but now we know it and have shared it with



each other. That is what builds a connection. At this point, I can go because I know a

phone number and a date are very solid.

ME: “Unfortunately, I have to get to a meeting. We never properly met, I am Stephen”

HER: “Natalie”

ME: “We will have to continue this some other time, when you have had a chance to brush

up on your poetry skills and I have a little more time.”

HER: “Definitely – let me give you my number…:”

Simple, right? Well, on paper it is. In real life, doing the above takes some practice and a

sense of spontaneity. But, with a PLAN of action – these three steps: Engage, Hook &

Connect, you can at least rest easy in knowing that you know what to do.

Now, let’s go into some detail about other more general communication skills:

Flirting

Complimenting

Baiting

Storytelling

Flirting

Flirting (or teasing) is simply the ability to have fun with yourself and with her while at the

same time demonstrating that you are willing to make fun of her, tease her, and point out

her quirks in a fun and playful way. Think cocky, but with humor – this is the explosive

combination.



VI: A Look with Style

What is your “look”? Your look can be defined as how you regularly choose to present

yourself visually to the world. These choices are based upon how you feel about yourself,

what environment(s) you expect to encounter that day, and what you think will give you an

advantage in achieving what you want. Subconsciously, we notice how others present

themselves, and form impressions on their personality. By making the conscious effort to

create and build an empowering look, you help others see you as a successful, confident

and attractive person.

Ever notice a rock star on stage? He has a certain look. Like Steven Tyler, or Mick Jagger

– these guys look like rock stars. Their clothing is outrageous and grabs your attention.

This suits their personality, as well as assists them in doing what they do – entertain. What

about the conservative, polished look of a politician, or corporate executive? This look

helps them achieve their goals by giving them a powerful, serious presence and a smooth,

sophisticated image that commands respect.

Part of our one-on-one programs is learning about who you are, and then understanding

what your current look is. Many guys have a very average, mainstream look, which doesn’t

get them noticed. This is a direct reflection of how they see themselves internally. Their

self-image is of a guy who is “part of the crowd”. I was recently visiting some friends on a

college campus, and was shocked at how similar everyone looked. There was very little

originality of expression. The emphasis was geared toward “fitting-in”.

An important aspect of understanding your look is knowing how you see yourself. When I

work with a client, I focus externally, in helping you find a visual presentation that is strong

and empowering. But I also spend a lot of time improving your internal self-image so that

you walk away feeling more confident and empowered. It is not enough to throw cool

clothes on a guy. You have to also help him internally see himself as cool and powerful. I

cover the internal aspects of being an attractive man in earlier chapters, and to a greater

degree in our “Natural Attraction” Audio Program. For now, let’s stick with the topic of our

external image, or look.



One note on being cocky – don’t overdo it! How many times have I seen a guy go out to a

bar or club and not notice if the woman is having fun or not! He will always ruin his

chances by not paying attention, and blow the opportunity by not toning the cockiness

down. This is a sign of both low social intelligence, and insecurity. Guys who are purely

cocky are insecure and considered arrogant. They have to bring down someone else to

make themselves feel good. Now, it is fine to be cocky, but you better mix in the humor.

Otherwise, she will think you are a jerk.

Flirting is the perfect way to maintain and continue a conversation with a woman. It is also

a great way to hook her by revealing your sense of humor. Some of what you will want to

do here is purposely create a negative emotion. However, if you combine it with humor, a

slight insult will come across as…flirting. For example, you might call her a “brat”. This is a

negative thing to say, but if you do so with a smile, it instantly becomes flirtatious. This

reveals to her that you understand emotional communication, and are not going to be like

the average guy who waltzes over and engages her with boring banter. You are different,

and know “the code” so to speak. A guy who goes in and tries to shower her with positive

emotions from the beginning with compliments and questions usually is seen as needy.

You want her to earn the good stuff, so you don’t give it away immediately. Once she

earns, it, feel free to give it to her. Until then, set the bar high, and flirt away. Here are

some examples:

You guys are mean. You remind me of the playground bullies in 3 rd grade, who used

to throw sand at me. Of course, those kids eventually got kicked out of school…

problem children…jailbirds now…see what you’re in for?

• (If she is asking lots of “testy” questions) I like that you are asking so many

questions, it shows that you are both curious and intelligent. You remind me of

Polly Matson who used to sit front and center in 5 th grade to impress the teacher

with hard questions. (then, if she continues asking questions, refer to her as “Polly”)

• (If she teases you about your clothing) How sweet, a Joan Rivers protégé…



• (If she condescends to you in ANY way) “OK, little Lucy from Charlie Brown...we

need to get you a football and a little blue dress…very feisty…”

Often, you may have to disqualify the woman, in a playful way, in order to confuse her

and make her think you aren’t interested: “You know, me and you, we would just

never match – we are too alike, and that just means a load of drama and

heartache…” Again – say this with a smirk, a sly smile. From here, you continue to

talk with her etc. Beautiful women are not used to hearing things like this at all. What

are beautiful women used to hearing?:

“Let me buy you a drink”

“You are so gorgeous”

“You are so hot”

“Can I have your phone number?”

Avoid such comments, as the men who say these are instantly categorized as being the

“creep” only interested in her body. This is not good. Instead, learn to demonstrate your

personality in a way that engages her, and gets her guessing. If you can do that you will

win big-time. This communicates with her in an emotional way, rather than intellectually.

This is more powerful. Guys who are good at this never hear “let’s just be friends” from

women.

Flirting demonstrates that you have a sense of humor. Often, when you are flirting, you are

saying things that could be interpreted as negative. This is why doing so with a sense of

humor, and a smile, is so important.

Complimenting

A great conversational combination is to say something flirtatious, and then follow it up with



a revalidating compliment. This is so important because flirting is fun, but if taken too far, it

reeks of insecurity. The whole purpose of flirting is to open her up to having a REAL

conversation with you – it is a means, not an end. So, if all you do is flirt, an intelligent

woman will rarely take you seriously. She will be expecting you to know when to transition

into a more real conversation. A great way to do this is to compliment her.

First of all, when complimenting a woman, stay away from her physical appearance, and

focus on who she is and what she is demonstrating to you about her personality. For

example:

• I am so glad you have a sense of humor. I can’t tell you how boring it is to socialize

with people who simply aren’t able to kick back, and poke fun at the ironies of life.

• (If she says something particularly witty) Ok, Ok…now, that was funny….so tell me,

was it your mother or father who had such a cool wit, I am interested…or, maybe,

like me, you were just made fun of a lot when you were a kid, and had to learn the

hard way. (the “like me” part is key – opens you up, shows some vulnerability – see

that?”)

• I like your style, it’s clear you have great taste in fashion. So often people wear

stylish clothes, but it still comes across as generic. Your look is cool because it is

stylish, and it works for your personality. I admire people who have that balance of

style and self-awareness.

• You have a cool kind of confidence about you. Sometimes that could mean you

have great parents, and a strong family support system. Or, it could mean that you

had to fend for yourself a lot when you were younger. Which was it?

•

These are different than simply saying something about how nice her skin is, or what

beautiful eyes she has. This proves that you are listening and paying attention to who shereally is, rather than what she looks like. This helps differentiate you from the other guys



who might be vying for her attention. Also, these kinds of compliments lead into deeper,

more “connect”ing topics, where you can get more comfortable with each other. This

increases the likelihood that you will see her again.

The more you can do this, combined with flirting and teasing, the better. It is a very strong

combination. This is very effective during the initial interaction, but also can be used on a

date, on the phone, whenever. Use it anytime you feel the need to create a little tension

and inject a little humor at the same time.

So, let’s break this concept of flirting down into some basic guidelines:

Must be done playfully

Make fun of her – better to stay away from how she looks, what she is wearing etc as

women tend to be very sensitive about these things. Although, if she is wearing

something that is obviously seeking attention – feel free to bust on her for it – tease

her about “needing attention”…”you are an only child aren’t you – so sad, playing you

little Lite Brite all alone...”

Cockiness is helpful – why? If you are cocky, this subtly communicates that you don’t

care, even though you are there to talk to her. This keeps her off-balance and

guessing. But don’t overdo it!

Be sure to mix in some compliments, otherwise you will never stop flirting. By

complimenting what you observe about her, it proves that you are paying attention,

that you have very good conversational skills, and that you understand how to lead

and direct a conversation. If you want to see her again, you need to instill some

comfort. Complimenting her is a great way to do so, and to encourage her to reveal a

more real side of herself to you.

One important note before I leave this topic. There will be times when cockiness will be



inappropriate. I mention this because guys love to use cockiness when speaking with

women. If it is overused, it can destroy your chances of having a real conversation with

her. Also, if you can sense that the woman is already attracted to you then it is wise to flirt

and tease only very lightly, and then transition into a more normal conversation. Less is

more here, and if you do get overly cocky with her, she is likely to think you are a jerk.

Baiting

Baiting can be defined best by an example. Take a close look at the following dialogue and

see if you can understand where I am baiting the woman.

ME: Is that cashmere? I love a warm sweater, growing up in the mountains, I always

had such warm clothes for the wintertime. Whenever I wear one now, it reminds me of my

youth.

HER: The mountains? Where did you grow up?

ME: Oh, the mountains of North Carolina. I lived there through high school. Growing up

in a small town, and particularly when you mother has a central position in the community,

you learn a lot about everything – government, the arts, personalities, scandal, commerce –

you name it. Small town life makes people very well-rounded.

HER: What did your mother do?

ME: She published the local newspaper. So, we learned about everything first, then

communicated it to the community in print. We had some wild experiences in that place!

Obviously, though, I left, and ended up focusing on a career in school – which helped me

get to where I am today.

HER: Where did you go to school? What are you doing now?



OK, so I could go on forever with this scenario. Baiting is when you demonstrate your

personality, inviting a question from her to you. So, you do not want to reveal a fact about

your life. What you want to do is to hint at it, thus, baiting a question from her. This helps

guys get out of the traditional pattern of asking tons of questions and gets her asking

questions of you. This is a much more powerful dynamic, that gets her chasing you.

As you do this in conversation, feel free to ask questions of her. You want the interaction to

be natural, spontaneous and fun. It is critical that you show an interest in her by asking

questions of her too. It is very important that you demonstrate your interest in her by asking

questions and complimenting her. Be sure to balance that with flirting, baiting and

storytelling. By baiting her, she is the one to shift the dynamic into the “getting to know you”

stage of an interaction, rather than you. This technique empowers you out of the traditional

question asking scenario, and into the more interesting dynamic of you leading by

demonstrating your personality. You come across as more powerful, and less supplicative.

Naturals do this all the time…

Storytelling

The last conversational technique is storytelling. What I want to pass on is how to tell a

story in a way that captures and leads the imagination, so that it brings her into your world

(ever heard that before??).

Men who are naturally successful with women almost always have a sincere interest in life,

and in living it to the fullest. They also seem to have a lot of activities going on, where they

are able to test themselves, and grow as men. Their life is interesting. It brings a lot of

fascination and intrigue all because they have an open mind, and choose to explore it.

One way that this serves to help them in their lives with women is that they have interestingstories to tell. Women (and all people) are captivated by a good story. The best



storytellers always fill their words and tales with drama, humor, passion, intrigue and

mystery. Next time you are at the beach, notice what kinds of books women are reading

while they sunbathe. Last year, I seemed to see a lot of romance novels, as well as

mystery and suspense novels. Women are emotional beings, and when they find

something (or someone) who understands how to communicate with them in an emotional

way, they get interested.

What might be some topics to focus on when considering what stories to tell while in the

presence of women? Here’s a list:

Pop Culture

Spirituality

Emotionally charged memories & experiences

Travel

Adventure

Humorous stories from your life

These topics are great because they are entertaining, exciting, funny and generate positive

emotions. Also, the more interested you already are in a certain topic the better. This will

help you display enthusiasm, a necessary prerequisite for capturing someone’s attention. If

you have a natural interest in one of the above topics, it makes sense for you to want to

share stories from your life that reflect this interest.

So, what are some ways that we can develop this skill called storytelling?

1) Pay attention (see the world around you, and develop an eye/ear for a good story)

2) Learn to communicate via emotions (as opposed to logic)

3) Live passionately

Let’s spend a minute now with each of these topics.



Pay attention : People tend to sleep walk through their lives. Great poets seem to always

highlight this when they discuss the smallest things, which most of us don’t see and

appreciate. As you go through your life, pay attention to what you see. Recently, I saw a

middle-aged man who was rather upset at a neighborhood kid. The kid had apparently just

bumped the man’s shoulder while walking down the street. So, the man turned and started

yelling at the kid. However, the man failed to realize that the kid was wearing headphones

and couldn’t hear him. So, as he got louder and louder, the kid simply stood there, waiting

for the light to change, without a care in the world. Those of us around the man noticed

this, and couldn’t help but chuckle at his futility. This story illustrates a couple of things.

First, this man wasn’t paying attention, and therefore made a fool of himself on the street.

Second, this makes for a great story when communicating with women. Why? It is funny, it

involves men behaving foolishly, and it is visual. A story that is visual is excellent because

the listener can imagine the events in her mind bringing her closer to the reality of the

story. When telling a story, remember to paint the picture for someone. Get them involved

by creating clear images of what is happening. Great storytellers are comfortable using

their body, facial expressions and voice to illuminate the story. This allows them to enter

into that world, and have a similar experience of the story as you had when witnessing it.

This strengthens the connection between the two of you, painting an attractive portrait of

your world. Makes sense right?

Each day of your life is full of scenes, scenarios, and happenings that can make for good

stories. Many men forget that women like it when we make fun of ourselves. It

communicates that you are secure with yourself. If you can tell a funny story which pokes

fun at yourself, illustrates that you are human and are comfortable with that, you will get

great reactions from women – TRUST ME.

I want to emphasize the importance of paying attention to what is happening around you.

This can help you in all areas of your life, not just in relating to women. No one’s life is so

boring, so lacking in humor, beauty and drama, as to prevent them from having anyinteresting stories to relate to others. Here is an appropriate mindset: you find your life



interesting, and the world fascinates you; you, naturally, wish to convey this to others as

you are a very social guy; you want others to come into your world so you invite them in

with a story.

Learn emotional communication : If women could hit us all over the heads, and in a flash

change one thing about men, it would be that we are not in touch with our emotions. In

order to communicate emotionally, we first must be in contact with our own emotional lives.

Emotional communication is where you speak in a way that creates emotions in the

listener. The way to do this as a storyteller is to invite the senses and emotions into the

story. This means to recreate the images that you observed, and sounds and smells you

experienced, and anything you physically felt as a result of the experience. You must do

this with your words, conveying these words with feeling and emotion.

Men tend to be stoic, stiff, logical people while women tend to be more emotional. The

“natural” is not stiff; he is relaxed and unafraid to convey emotions. He relates a story from

his life with real feeling and he sympathizes with women intuitively. At the same time he

offers them strength and challenges them to face things in a more balanced way. He is

unafraid to give himself to something with a great deal of passion. The next time you go to

a bar, or club, or somewhere where people are socializing, notice the men who have

women with them. Are they the stiff, nervous-looking guys who are mostly silent and

appear as a deer in headlights when face-to-face with a beautiful woman? Nope. Are they

the relaxed, confident guys who are just having fun, joking around with people, sharing the

moment and their life lightheartedly, without the appearance of being under a lot of

pressure? Yes.

So, the first key to storytelling is to relax, and open up . Feel free to feel your way through

an interaction with a woman. I encourage all men to be open to their emotional lives.

Endeavor to see that you, along with many people, have rich emotional lives. When youare open emotionally, it allows you a great resource with which to relate and connect with



others. This can help you get closer to other people (particularly women). This doesn’t

require therapy, or analysis of any kind - unless you have severe challenges. Learn to

laugh, and enjoy yourself; learn to have compassion for others; learn to sympathize; learn

to challenge yourself and others to live fuller lives. See what I mean by this? This doesn’t

mean to indulge in negative emotions (jealousy, fear, depression, anger etc). It does mean

to be more social, more open, and more involved in the world around you.

Once you open up and begin to trust and listen to yourself, you will begin to notice many

cues that were always there before, but that you were unaware of…why? You weren’t

paying attention, that’s why.

This is an invaluable skill when storytelling because it adds a dimension to it that women

strongly relate to – an emotional dimension.

A good storyteller communicates both the images and emotions experienced by the

characters in the story. This gives the listener the same images and emotions. Let’s go

back to the minor example above, to demonstrate. What is the better way of telling the

story?

“I saw this middle-aged man today. He was walking down the street, when a youngster

bumped him and caused him to drop his grocery bag. After this happened, the man turned

to his left, and began to shout at the boy. The boy, wearing headphones, could not hear

the man, and therefore, continued on his path unapologetically.”

OR:

“Ha, check this out. I was walking home from work today right? I see this kinda tough olde

Italian guy – he was like a guy who used to be a mobster, but was past his prime. He wore

an expression like this – (makes face like a monkey) – right? So, anyway, this guy is

marching down the street like he owns it, when this teenager – you know, like a neighborhood kid, wearing sneakers, gold chains, hat on crooked and stuff – walks by, and



unbelievably, bumps the ol’ gangster in the shoulder! HA – you should have seen the

steam coming out of the gangster’s ears – like a cartoon. He turns (mimics this, and

laughing), faces the kid and begins to shout expletives down the street – he was all

hunched over, just like an old gorilla. Now, the funny thing is the kid NEVER responded.

He kept walking, without even missing a step – amazing. Well, I looked a bit closer at the

kid, and he was wearing headphones – he couldn’t hear a word the old gorilla was saying!

He was lost in the world of JayZ or something. Gorilla man eventually ran out of energy –

remember, he is PAST his prime – and had to suck it up and pick up his groceries himself.

He muttered to himself the entire time – and then, right at the end, as he was walking away

– he turned to the spot where the collision happened – and SPAT right on the sidewalk.”

Now, which of these is more engaging and humorous? Definitely the second example.

The emotions felt by the characters in the story are captured and conveyed through clearly

communicated images, and by the teller reliving the emotions as he tells them! Emotional

communication is far more powerful than logical communication, because the listener is

able to experience the feeling of being there. This is a more satisfying experience, and it

also creates a stronger connection between you and her.

Amazingly, most guys talk like the first example. Incredible right? See how the second

story packs in a lot of imagery that allowing the listener to enter into the world of the story,

and experience it like he/she was there? Also, see how the storyteller is willing to mimic

the foolish elements from the story? This is a subtle was to poke fun at yourself while

communicating that you are comfortable with yourself. Lastly, and most importantly, see

how the emotional moments of the story are hit and built upon until the end, when the man

futilely tries to finally get even by spitting on the sidewalk? The teller (and therefore the

listener) is reliving the story – he is in the story as if he were the characters living the

scenario for the first time. This allows the listener to experience the event. Make sense?

The topic of living passionately will be covered in detail in the final section of this book.However, a man who lives passionately has both a wealth of interesting stories to tell, and



a personal connection with each. This frees a lot of positive emotional energy into the

story, helping involve the listener in the world you are describing. But, as I said, I will go

into this topic in depth in the final chapter.

These are some ways that you can increase the value of your conversations with women.

By incorporating these skills, you will find that you are able to not only begin conversations

in an effective way, but that you are able to hold them and increase the interest and

fascination levels as you continue. This is critical to your success with women, and in

having healthy, long-term relationships with women. Learning how to communicate with a

woman is not something to do effectively for just an hour. If you are married for example,

and you still talk to her in a way that excites her and brings her into your world, your

relationships will be healthier and more positive for you, and for her.



Recently, I was out with a client, and we went to some great stores in New York City. First,

I asked him to peruse the store and pick out the items he would like to wear. This is an

effective way to see inside the mind of someone I am working with. By asking him to go

around the store and select things that he felt he would look good in, reveals a lot to me

about how he sees himself.

He returned about 10 minutes later with some average jeans, a couple of long sleeve

button down shirts with wild patterns on them, some snakeskin shoes, and a couple of

black belts…oh yeah, and a belt buckle that said “PLAYER”. He smiled, thinking he had

just found the coolest stuff in the store. I hated to deliver the bad news...

This guy, like so many, lacks the imagination, confidence and self-awareness which is

critical when selecting clothes for our wardrobe. You might be one of those guys out there

saying “Hey man, clothes are meaningless, gimme a break, I am here to become a MAN,

and get the ladies with what I say, not how I look”. Well, to a degree, you are right. But

why not maximize your advantage by both learning powerful communication skills and by

getting a “look” that radiates power and success?

Let me say this – looks don’t matter, but, your “look” does. Looks are what our genetics

have given us, which we have very little control over. Some are blessed, and some are

not. I have met many good-looking guys who struggle with women, and I have met others

not so genetically fortunate who have massive success because they understand what

looks good on them, and how to present themselves in an attractive way.

Time and time again, I meet guys who have great personalities, and have a lot to offer

women, but they simply have no idea how to present themselves in a powerful, attractive

way. Owning this skill would automatically help them feel better about themselves, filling

them with confidence and dramatically increasing their likelihood of success instantly!

Back to my story. I told this client to put the items he selected away, and I went around with

him, and started asking questions. His answers led me to believe that he saw himself as

“just an average guy”. I have heard this all too often when working with men needing helpwith their image. They have lost a sense of uniqueness and purpose causing them to



accept fitting-in as a way of life. Part of what I love to do with guys is to help them live

beyond the small box they have created entitled “my world”.

If you want great relationships with quality women you must get your life in order. One of

the critical things to do is to think outside of this “box” and build a look that works for you.

Leave behind the “average guy” image which only helps you fade into the background. By

the time the afternoon was over, this guy was shocked, surprised and thrilled. He instantly

felt more confident in knowing he looked good, and felt good. His look was coming

together!

There are two principles to guide your choices when building your look and enhancing your

image:

1) Does it help me feel more powerful and confident?

2) Will it help me achieve the aims I strive for in life?

What follows are a series of eight questions designed to help you begin to cultivate an

empowering and attractive look. As you work through these, keep these two principles in

mind. I strongly suggest that you write down your answers to these. Also, as you

brainstorm, try to let go of negativity and judgment allowing your imagination to freely

operate.

1) Go to a mirror and notice your body language. What does it communicate about you?

2) What body type are you? Thin? Medium build? Muscular? Overweight? Phrase this as

a one or two word answer.

3) Thumb through a men’s magazine, which fashion ads grab your attention? Why? What

about the look of the men in the pictures grabs your attention?

4) Imagine a scenario where you are successful in the workplace, or in your career. What

are you wearing, how is your posture, and what is your “vibe”? Confident & assured?

Meek & timid? Be honest.

5) Imagine a scenario where you are going out on the town with the woman of your



dreams. You are arm in arm headed to a concert perhaps, or a show. You are both very

comfortable and happy with each other. What are you wearing, how is your posture, and

what is your “vibe”? Again, confident & assured? Meek & timid? Something in between?

6) Use your imagination and determine what type of look you picture yourself in. Is it

casual? Dressed up in suits? Preppy? Dressed down in the latest streetwear? Consider

your day-to-day life, and what image you need to project to fulfill your aims. See yourself

successfully achieving these goals, and notice the look you embody.

7) Consider the roles you play daily that impact your style. Are you an executive? A

student? A DJ? A Prince? Use your common sense. If you are stuck, think of someone

whose clothes you like, someone that you think dresses stylishly and conveys the right

things with their look. At the same time look at yourself and be honest. Will it work for you?

Let’s use our examples from before. I love the way Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler dress,

but realistically, I would not look good prancing around in scarves and leather pants!

However, if that is your style, great, then go for it. The key here guys, is to know what you

want and what will work for you.

8) Last, who do you look like? Do you look like Mick Jagger? Do you look like Tom

Cruise? When considering your style, an obvious thing to do is to simply consider WHO

you look like, and work with that. (PS – pick people who also look good, and who fit your

body type) A friend of mine has people running up to him left and right telling him he looks

like Pierce Brosnan. He wears very sharply made suits and he looks great. Notice that he

doesn’t wear loose-fitting, street styles as that wouldn’t necessarily go well with his vibe.

These eight questions are both an overview of the essential matters to building your look

and an effective means in pointing you in the right direction as you begin. They also

provide the necessary balance of imagination and reality. With this information in mind, you

can begin to get a sense of what look you want to cultivate. In the “Natural Attraction”

Audio Program I spend an entire day covering this topic. I guide you through a series of

detailed and thorough exercises designed to put you on the fast track to looking great, and

feeling tremendous confidence about your look.



You may want to enlist some help with this process, by asking friends about your body

language or for feedback on how certain styles look on you. Body language is a direct

window into how we see ourselves internally. I can read anyone like a book based on their

body language and the clothing that they wear. What you are looking for is an upright

posture that evokes confidence and strength. Ever seen an Olympic athlete, wearing the

gold medal, listening to his nation’s anthem? Or, notice film actors such as Russell Crowe

or Tom Cruise. They all embody strong, powerful body language. These are great images

to keep in mind as you begin to learn about your own body language, and what you can do

to improve it.

Being an attractive man means being autonomous. The autonomous man has his lifetogether and his look is polished. He radiates power and success, and is filled with

confidence wherever he goes. There is no pretending about him, he is powerfully himself.

What to buy? How to buy?

I can already hear some of you guys out there shouting – “Yeah, it would be nice to go out

and buy a bunch of sweet clothing, but I don’t have the money for that – getting a cool look

costs an arm and a leg, so forget it!”. Most guys make the common mistake of thinking

they need bags of money to look great. This is not entirely true. What is more valuable

that loads of cash is some imagination and persistence. Let me explain…

First, you don’t have to go to Bergdorf or Barneys to look great. These stores certainlyhave a great selection of quality clothing, but with a little persistence, you can find great

items at discount outlets, clearance sales, and second hand stores. These places offer

designer fashions for sometimes less than you would pay for the generic labels you might

be wearing right now! You would be amazed at what can be found at these places -

clothes that you never thought you could afford for less than what you’ve been paying all

along. Look in your community and see if there are any discount outlet stores where you

can shop. In New York we go to Filene’s Basement, Century 21, Daffy’s, and Marshalls.



Also, many cities have entire outlet malls that offer good deals. On the web you could go to

bluefly.com, yoox.com, or even eBay (that’s right – eBay!) to find stylish, discount clothing.

There are also many tailors on the internet where you can send in your measurements and

get custom shirts for less than $80 each. Examples are Jantzentailor.com, mytailor.com,

and landsend.com. By far the best deals you will find are in vintage clothing shops or

second-hand thrift stores. Although these places require a little more persistence as you dig

through the piles of clothing. Keep in mind that the deals to be found will make up for it.

Ideally, you want to go for higher quality goods, not quantity (while staying within your

budget). Something of higher quality will last in the long run and be cheaper if you value the

piece as cost-per-wear. For example, if you buy a well made coat for $500 and you wear it

often over a few years, it will end up being cheaper than a coat for $150 that you will need

to replace in two years’ time. Be a discerning shopper and limit impulse buys. When you

buy an article of clothing see it as an investment that you will wear for a few years.

Now that you know how to shop and where to shop, the only obstacle left is choosing what

you wish to buy. This will take some effort and imagination from you individually, as each

guy is different, with unique tastes and proportions. Each of you has a different vibe, which

should directly impact your style and look. I can’t give you a specific answer on what to buy,

because you will all end up looking the same. However, as you begin the process of

enhancing your wardrobe, remember the two guiding principles I covered earlier to help you

with your choices. As a reminder, they are:

1) Does it help me feel more powerful and confident?

2) Will it help me achieve the aims I strive for in my life?

These are great to use when making decisions about potential purchases, and

combinations as well as when considering overall themes you wish to embody. They also

help to save you from any whimsical, emotionally charged purchases destined to ruin bothyour wardrobe and your wallet. In our 7-day “Natural Attraction” program, I cover all of



these topics in great depth and detail. As mentioned, I lead you through a series of state-

of-the-art exercises giving you the maximum advantage in creating a look that works in all

areas of your life so you never have to worry about looking and feeling your best again.

You will be the master of your image.

Incidentally, a great reference for contemporary styles is men’s fashion magazines. These

will not only show you the current season’s offerings from designers, they will also show

you how to wear the clothes and how to mix and match them together. After a while your

eye for what looks good will sharpen, and you’ll know exactly what looks good on you and

what does not.

Hair Styles

Before I conclude this chapter, lets cover some of the basics on hair styles and grooming.

On the topic of hair styles, it is baffling to see guys dress cool and simultaneously have

blatantly boring and cheap haircuts. I know guys that will spend over $100 on a shirt, and

only $10 on a haircut. Obviously something isn’t right…

What I do from time to time is go all out and use the best hairstylist in town. I found one in

New York City where 90% of their business is cutting the hair of models for photo shoots.

Do you think they know what is contemporary, and what looks the best? These stylists have

to be up-to-date on the latest trends, and will give you a great haircut that accentuates your

best facial features. Whenever I am considering a new style for myself, I go to this salon. It

does cost more money, but I always walk away with a fresh style that works. For the next

few cuts I will go to a place that charges a quarter of the price, keeping the same style that I

received at the more expensive salon. This is a great way to be fashionable on a tight

budget.

Grooming



Making a strong visual impression not only requires being well dressed, but also being well

groomed. I have already covered haircuts, but what about the rest of your body? Be sure

to keep the rest of your body hair in check. This advice is critical, regardless of how good

looking you are, or how much of a smooth talker you may be. Poor grooming will reduce

your chances with women. You would be surprised at how many guys are clueless when it

comes to good grooming habits.

At the very least, you must trim your nose hairs once a week, trim your fingernails once a

week, and toenails once every two weeks. If you have ear hair, the same thing, trim them

once a week. Make sure to trim any chest hair sticking out of the collar of any crew-neck

shirts you might wear. For you guys with one big eyebrow, cut it in half! Go to a salon to

get it done if you must. If your look is clean-cut, be sure to keep your facial hair neat and

trimmed every day. Make the extra effort and you will go a long way to improving and

enhancing your image.

Also, it is important for the health and appearance of your hair and skin to purchase

products that are specific to you. For example, if you have naturally dry hair buy a shampoo

and conditioner made especially for dry hair. If you have oily skin, buy a toner or face wash

that corrects that. I always suggest to clients to pick-up a new bottle of cologne as it never

hurts to have a few to choose from. In general, avoid the ones that everyone has and

purchase something that is unique to you. Make sure when testing out new fragrances that

you actually try them on your skin. (This is a great way to meet women in the store by the

way…ask their opinions on the scent…presto, you are engaged in a conversation) When

some scents mix with oils on your skin, they take on a new scent. For example, colognes

that smell soapy don’t mix well with my skin, even though they smell great in the bottle.

Conversely, colognes that have a very woodsy scent are accentuated by my skin and

actually smell better than when they are in the bottle.

The most powerful sense that we have is the sense of smell. Memories, and their entireemotional palette, can be triggered by the sense memory of smell. If you can create



lasting, positive emotions in a woman, and connect those with a scent, she will forever

remember those wonderful emotions when re-experiencing that smell. Do you realize now

how important it is that you consider your scent with intelligence? It can only help you, and

why not give life your best shot?

Looking your best should be something that you try for all the time, everyday. Think of each

day as a new opportunity to meet someone new, you would want to look your best, right?

Truthfully, we never know when we are going to meet someone new. Who knows when

you will feel inspired to strike up a conversation with a stranger or be introduced to a

potential romantic interest? You need to be prepared.

Everything about your look represents a choice you have made. If you wear only denim,

that is a choice. If you always wear a coat and tie, that is a choice. If you pay no attention

to your uni-brow and leave it on your forehead, that is a choice! If you take a conscious

approach to your look, your impression on others will improve greatly. You will be seen as

someone who cares about themselves, and who takes responsibility for their appearance.

Remember the idea of security, and its value to women? Can you see how paying

attention to these details dramatically helps to convey this? Project your “best” into the

world, and it will return to you…



VII: Living with Passion

If you walk away from this book with one, and only one, thought in your mind, let it be this:

A man who lives his life passionately pursuing his goals, and living life to the fullest, will have little trouble being successful and with dating. The results of his efforts will be secondary to the joy of the process of living.

Men who live with passion, and are determined to make a difference in their chosen career

path, are the ones who rise to the top. They also inspire the people around them to higher

achievement and fulfillment. Imagine a great teacher from your past. I recall my tenth

grade English teacher who loved teaching, and enjoyed every day with us. He made the

learning process fun, and was a dynamic lecturer. He was engaging to us because he

loved what he was doing, and he filled our classroom with this passion.

Many of you might be thinking, “hey listen man, I hear you, but, my job is all I’ve got and I

can’t leave it to go into teaching, or saving refugees or nothing, OK?” Well, let me clarify

something – many of us find our career/job unsatisfying. This may be the result of past

challenges, bad luck, or just an unfortunate decision along your career path. Not everyone

is Richard Branson, madly loving his work and career.

So, NO, I do not suggest that you walk immediately into your boss’ office and resign, then

rush off to the nearest Greenpeace office. What I am suggesting is that you take a realistic

look at your life, and ask yourself this simple question:

Are you happy?

If you had to hesitate, are confused, don’t know, or answered “no”, let’s examine that. A

guy who is unhappy and unfulfilled will struggle with women. What I discovered after

talking to a lot of guys over the years is that many of them feel that a woman will bring them

happiness. Then they will focus on the other “stuff”. This illustrates the classic problem of

placing the cart before the horse.



By now you should understand WHY this doesn’t work. An unattractive life, filled with

negative emotions, is female-repellant! If you are unhappy, NO woman will fix this for you.

In fact, this attitude is a fast way to a damaging and unhealthy relationship. No one is

responsible for your happiness except YOU. This attitude is aptly described as self-pity.

To combat it you must get actively involved in taking responsibility for your own happiness

and fulfillment!

Some of you may not suffer this at its’ extreme. But, I bet there are areas in your life which

do feel unfulfilled or unsatisfied. What I am about to discuss is how to live with more

passion, balance and harmony. This is the essential element to building an attractive and

meaningful lifestyle. It is a discussion any guy can benefit from.

I want to cover this in three separate sections:

Lifestyle

Balance

Service

Lifestyle

Lifestyle is our first topic. Let’s assume that you are like most people, feeling somewhat

trapped in your job and you wake up grumpy in the mornings trying to find the energy to

head out to “the office”. This job serves you in some way, otherwise you wouldn’t have it.

It could just be a paycheck to you, which is fine. In fact the majority of people see their jobs

as a necessary evil, and not as a place to express their intelligence and creativity.

There are two things though that you have massive control over right now that I am going to

discuss. The first is your attitude. If you hate your job, you are forgetting that you are

lucky to have one, and that you could spend that “hateful” energy in a positive way bylooking for another job, or changing your career path! Make sense?



I am not sure why, but most of us out there lose sight of what we have in favor of being

resentful at what we do NOT have! Amazing, but true. If you REALLY hate your job, find

another one! If you hate your career, take action and become self-employed or go back to

school. Yes, these things take time, but it is remarkable to witness the power of change in

one’s attitude when they simply make a decision to begin this process of change. If this

describes you, take stock of this and formulate a plan of action that works for you. Don’t,

for example, make the mistake of quitting your job before you have another one! Don’t

want to add the negative emotion of financial insecurity (anxiety!) to your plate. Be

intelligent and put yourself into action. Find gratitude for the current job that feeds, clothes

and shelters you!

If you like and are fulfilled with your work, you are in the minority, and I congratulate you.

The key is to have a positive attitude on a daily basis: to see the glass half full, rather than

half-empty. If you don’t like your current reality, take action to change it. Empower yourself

by stepping out of the victim role, and taking action as soon as you finish this book!

The other area that you have control over is how you spend the rest of your time! What do

you do when you aren’t banging away at the office computer all day? Are you a couch

potato? Are you out of shape? Do you have an active social circle? Are you involved in

any hobbies?

Most of us spend our free time haphazardly, and we call it “spontaneity” or “relaxing”. I do

not suggest that you manage your time down to the second. But, I am suggesting that you

use this time to encourage more happiness and joy in your daily lives. If you are a great

cook, throw a dinner party to revitalize your social circle. If you love to swim, join a swim

club at the local gym. Perhaps you love sports – get involved in a local league that is

gender-mixed. The outlets for your interests are countless. It might require a little

imagination, but you must get involved in the world if you want to bring more positive

emotions into your life. To bring it back to our primary aim, this is more ATTRACTIVE towomen. Also, by being out in the world, you meet more women with similar interests. The



fringe benefits to being active and involved in the world are a sense of meaning and

connection. Every man deserves this.

Balance

So many people live a life that is out of balance, spending a dominant portion of their time

and energy “on the job”. Balancing work and “other” time is critical because it allows other

parts of your personality to come forward and be expressed. It gives more of a variety of

experiences to draw from when relating to other people, as well as providing other outlets

to meet people enhancing your social circle. It is also healthier. People who live more

balanced lives are happier. Do I need to convince you more?

In my experience, the eight areas of life that need to be balanced are:

Career/Work – In the ideal world, we all love our work. In the real world, we do not.

Find a way to be grateful for your job, and useful. You will spend a lot of time at work,

better to have a positive experience while there.

Creativity – This is where hobbies are important. Perhaps you are an artist? Find

time to create. A great hobby is photography. You can do it as you walk through your

neighborhood. It is also a great way to meet people, and to share experiences with

others through your photos.

Intellectual – This is an area which is very neglected. It is important that you keep

your intellect sharp. One way to do so is to read the newspaper on a daily basis. Or,

dive into classic works of fiction.

Health & Fitness – Get in shape and stay in shape. There is no substitute for a great

diet either. These are critical for living a healthy, balanced life. People who eat right

and are in shape have better attitudes than those who do not. If your body feels

better, you will feel better.

Social – You need to spend time with your friends, relaxing and socializing. It is veryimportant to have an active social life, as it keeps you connected and involved with



the world. Also, having fun and sharing laughs helps you recharge intellectually and

emotionally. Without an active social life, people tend towards depression and

isolation.

Family – This can be sensitive for some people who experienced difficulties with their

parents when they were younger. Your family can be a great source of comfort and

connection, as well being supportive through difficult times. It is common for people

to feel challenged in their family lives. However, growing through these challenges

forges character and integrity.

Companionship & Intimacy – Ultimately, every person deserves a lasting, meaningful

relationship. It can be both nurturing and challenging. Ultimately, it serves to help us

be open to another person, and understand the nature of intimacy and love. Intimate

relationships are important in any person’s development. The result is a greater

sense of ourselves, and a more fulfilling and happy life. Most of you reading this book

are probably looking for this.

Private & Personal – Lastly, each of us needs time alone. Perhaps this is when we

indulge in our hobbies, or when we practice daily meditation. Spending time alone

helps us reenter the world feeling refreshed and connected with ourselves.

Find outlets for your interests and then pursue them. If you feel that one or more of these

categories are missing, creatively brainstorm ways to bring this into balance by taking some

action. Perhaps you would benefit from taking a meditation class. Or, pick-up that novel

you have wanted to read, but denied yourself. Hobbies are great, as are activities and

events. Look out for the social calendars in your neighborhood. Here in New York City we

have The Village Voice that is a free weekly publication. It lists all of the film, theater,

music, nightlife and special events for the week. Also, in this current internet age, there are

countless online resources that can help you get inside information on the events in your

home town. Being out of balance is common, unnecessary and easily resolved. Use

these tips, and get active!

Service



This leads me nicely into the final area of discussion when it comes to living with passion.

The ultimate way to fulfillment is to get involved with service. There are thousands of

different ways to give back to your community, and to your fellow man that go way beyond

sending in donations to charity organizations.

Let’s begin with that job you hate so much. Rather than seeing it as a place to get a

paycheck, why not try to do a little extra and help others. I know, I know, they are all selfish

people and there is no way you, in your right mind, would want to give a little extra to them.

If you really feel this way, can you see now how much power they have over you? If

something is in direct command of your daily happiness, if has A LOT of power of you! If

you were able to adopt an attitude of service, you might find that they don’t seem as bad as

you originally thought, and you feel happier and more grateful in the process. Go the extra

mile, it can only help you.

Or, with your free time, why not offer some time at a local men’s shelter or soup kitchen?

Go to any hospital or related facility, walk through the doors, and tell the people at the desk

that you would like to sign-up for their volunteer program. These facilities are usually

starved for extra help, and will welcome you with open arms.

You could also sign-up to help organize local events, in particular, charitable events. They

always need people to help them, and you might just meet some great people in the

process.

Also, if you are dating, and can’t figure out where to take the girl you are seeing – take her

to your service activity. It is a great way to demonstrate your personality in a powerful way,

and it shows her so many positive things about you.

Do you see family time as a chore, or as a way to give time, companionship and love? Irealize this may be a sensitive issue for many of you. I heard a wise man once say that,



“encountering the family with hostility and resentment is a poison unto me; approaching the

family with love and service serves to purify, if nothing else, myself and my world.” I will

leave it at that.

The principal I want you to grasp here is that “you get what you give”. If you want people to

be involved in your life, give them your involvement. If you want a relationship, you better

learn how to give of yourself. Cultivating an open, generous and passionate lifestyle will

serve you ten times more than any “line” in the book. It will do the work for you.

The last item I want to discuss is about honesty and romance. Honesty and romance have

a hard time of it in this world, and I feel that we, as men, need to take the lead in bringing

them back. You might be wondering why is it I put them together? Let me tell you a story…

A few evenings ago, I was hanging out with a couple of female friends. We were chatting

before turning in for the evening. One of them, whom I didn’t know so well, kept mentioning

her husband. As I usually do, I asked her how they met. She proceeded to tell me the

following story:

I was out having dinner with my good friend Marcy, complaining about my love life, when a

cute guy walked past our table. I said to her, “now, why couldn’t I meet a good-looking guy

like that”. He never heard me, but we did catch each other’s eye when he sat down. A

while later, Marcy excused herself to go to the ladies’ room. I was left sitting alone, when

he approached the table. I was shocked! He was nervous, but I admired him for at least

coming over to talk to me. He asked for my number and email, and, quite rare for me, I

gave it to him! He phoned a couple of times over the next week asking me to dinner. I

refused both times, because my dog was sick. Seriously. And, frankly, I did not feel

comfortable meeting up with this guy because I didn’t really know him, right? Well, he goes

away for five months to work in London. But, get this, each week he would email me

poetry. That’s right – poetry – and I love poetry. This went on for weeks, and slowly, we

began to have an email correspondence about art, poetry, and the like. He returned to NYC, and called me again for a date. I agreed, but still I was a bit uncomfortable – I mean,



this guy had been sending me poetry for five months! He could have been a creep, right?!

Well, we sat down, and within 10 minutes I knew he was the one. We fell in love. He

totally romanced me”

This man felt something passionately within him. He chose to write poetry to honestly

express this passion to the woman he loved. He did so in a powerful way (and once a

week!) and the honesty wore down her resistance, while simultaneously touching her

emotionally. She was fascinated by him, and so impressed with his words that she had to

meet him. He felt and communicated such a clear intent to her, that she could only see him

as a potential partner or completely reject him. He left her no middle ground. The rest is

history…

There is something amazingly powerful about honesty – about the true revelation of who

you are, and what you feel. There is nothing more romantic and freeing than an honest

expression of yourself in that moment. In fact, it is the BEST way to relate with women.

The best “lines” are the most honest ones. The best relationships are cultivated by a

painstaking devotion to being honest to the person you are with. Add to this the flair for

romance, and you have a wonderful, powerfully human way to shower women with love

and affection. This is what most guys want to be able to do. They want to be as free as

the man described above to express themselves with such honesty, and such a willingness

to fail. The biggest mistake most guys make is that they never try with honesty, and

therefore, they never honestly succeed.

Stop making that mistake now, and put these ideas into action. The only barometer for

your success is, how do you feel? Do you feel liberated, happy and joyous? Or, do you

feel like you simply are not stepping up to the plate? Ultimately, you are the one who must

live with you! THAT relationship is the most important one in your life. Treat yourself to

what you deserve by taking actions to grow and enhance the meaning of your life!

If you can incorporate the topics from this book, you will get a girlfriend. She will have



things in common with you, she will be attractive, she will value you, she will like and love

you, she will look forward to spending time with you, and she will go the extra mile for you.

Why? Because the guy we just discussed is already giving that to her. Be honest with

yourself, and be honest with the world. Love yourself, and be loving with the world. If you

can achieve that simple axiom, you will find love and contentment outside of yourself, by

first finding it within yourself.

My wish for this book is to show you how you can take charge and be responsible for your

own success with women, and in life. So many guys feel that dating and relationships boil

down to good-looks and luck. This is not true. If you can implement these simple, yet

challenging, principles, success with women will literally land on your doorstep. You will

transform yourself into an attractive man.

I am not a big believer in the game of “pick-up” I have seen many guys lose themselves in

this activity, becoming lesser versions of what they could be. I believe in understandingwomen, and in presenting myself to them in a powerful and attractive way. This means

living life to the fullest, naturally meeting many women and attracting them via my attitude

and lifestyle. This is the BEST way. As I covered in Chapter V, I also feel it is important to

have an aptitude for meeting new women without the benefit of a common social

connection. If you see a woman who is attractive and interesting to you, you now have a

plan for meeting her in a comfortable way (engage, hook, connect).

My colleague Mike and I have helped many men since the formation of CEIC (Cutting-Edge

Image Consulting). We offer two-on-one consultations that are both challenging and

transformative. We pride ourselves on enhancing our clients’ image, empowering their

personalities to freely relate to women and the world. We have found that theory is not

enough, that true guidance and learning happen through action. These actions fall within a

larger plan that is challenging and inspiring, and focused on a specific aim that is personal



and meaningful to each client.

We are very excited about our 7-day “Natural Attraction” audio program. This product

covers in detail all of the topics presented in this book and more. Also, each day is filled

with exercises and assignments designed to dramatically speed up your learning curve.

After seven days, you will be transformed by the power of the material, and the work you

are asked to do. Each product comes with seven CDs (one per day) and a workbook

designed to help you through the program step-by-step.

You simply order this home study course, follow along with its exercises and assignments,

listen to the CD’s included in the package and follow the workbook and in just 7 days you

will have almost no fear of devastatingly beautiful women. In fact, you’ll actually “thrive” in

their presence!

Even if you’re super shy (like I used to be), this program will quickly transform you into the

type of guy who carries himself confidently with poise and carries on exciting, and

entertaining conversations with women.

Take a look now at what this product offers:

We teach you the structure of humor and how to pull it off EVERY time

We uncover a key language skill that can build fascination in any woman,ANYTIME. This skill is critical when building connections, which lead intorelationships

Stunningly effective conversational openers and lines

We go over the subtleties of female psychology and why it is absolutely necessaryto do THREE key things when meeting any new woman…do you know what they are?

We list the EXACT places to go where you can meet women with the greatestprobability of success. Stop wasting your time in the wrong venues for YOU

We teach you how to be the center of attention and the life of the party withinSECONDS of meeting complete strangers

Learn which conversational topics are fascinating to women. Never be boring again

We provide a clear definition of relationships, and why some work and some don’t.



We give you clear-cut ways to improve all of your relationships TODAY

There are three different ways to engage women in conversation when you aresocializing. These three are based on the three different environments that existsocially. Do you know what they are? We teach you on Day II of the program

We teach you the FASTEST way to begin conversations in ANY environment

Learn how to counter the most common rejection phrases from women – NEVER beshot down again

We outline the aspects of a successful mindset, and we then lead you through aclear and concise exercise to attain that attitude for yourself

MASTER the art of flirting

We instantly improve your body language and tonality with simple, clear advicenever heard anywhere before

We give you a SIMPLE way to ALWAYS be relaxed and comfortable beforeapproaching and engaging women in conversation

Get women chasing you by being a challenge and by playing hard to get – you mayhave heard other ways to create this dynamic. Throw them all away – this oneworks EVERY time

We give you precise things to say, and then teach you how to drop all scripted linesand be truly spontaneous

Learn the four different frames for attracting women…which one works for you?

We teach you how to maintain control of any conversation, so you can lead ittowards your desired outcome

Learn the secret to building an INSTANTANEOUS and GENUINE emotionalconnection

Listen to real-life examples from our personal experience in dating, and how you cancapitalize on what took us years to figure out for ourselves

We give you a solid blueprint on how to live with PASSION and bring other people

into your life – become the magnet of your social circle

We reveal three errors men make when trying to attract women – and then we teachyou how to NEVER make them again

Learn how to attract and get the woman YOU desire with astonishing accuracy

We reveal deep insights into female psychology that women don’t want you to know

We will help you create a profile for the woman you really want, and help youdevelop a real plan for meeting her and bringing her into your life. It is critical thatyou know what you are looking for in a woman, and we will reveal this to you on Day

II of the program

Critical elements in creating an interesting and magnetic lifestyle – have people



coming to you from now on

We speak at length about connections, and intimacy - topics that are baffling tomen, and we describe them in detail, giving you a solid framework to create more ofboth in your life

Finally understand intimacy, and how to encourage its development in your

relationships

Take charge of your social life - date on YOUR terms

We have an entire CD which guides you through a step-by-step process for creatinga timeline that helps you get back on track in EVERY area of your life. We have asolid system for bringing you in touch with what success means to you, and thendeveloping a timeline - a plan - for success. Our aim is to help your dreams becomea reality

Become a great storyteller, and learn the essentials of how to bring someone INTO

the story you are telling. Learn these secrets, and never be alone on a Saturdaynight again

Learn how to buy great, stylish clothes and not break the bank…without leaving yourown house!

How to swiftly handle those uncomfortable pauses and awkward moments so younever suffer from social anxiety again

How to STOP being intimidated by groups of women, and how to start working themto your advantage

These topics are merely a sampling of what the “Natural Attraction” program delivers.

There is so much more! Use the link below to learn even more about this state-of-the-art

product:

http://www.datingsecretsformen.com

Also, some of our clients have offered their feedback on the “Natural Attraction” program.

Check out what they have to say and see for yourself how revolutionary and powerful this

program is:

http://www.datingsecretsformen.com/testimonials.html

In conclusion, let me offer my sincerest thanks for your time and trust. I hope you have



found this book informative and helpful. If you have any comments, questions or feedback,

send them to me and the CEIC team at:

[email protected]

Thanks and best of luck to you all.

Your friend,

Stephen Nash Cutting-Edge Image Consulting

Como Conseguir Una Novia (Ingles)

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