NavigationNavigation

Community Difficultiesby Michael Chanak on August 5, 2015 in Editorial, The Goose is LooseBeing part of these communities is difficult. Youve told me that, repeatedly, from dating to friendships. As Holly Near said in her iconic lyric we are a gentle and angry people. Now, I think that lyric is only half right. What is it that people feel? Why cant people connect in the queer communities?There is a palpable anger. Maybe it has been the death of so many Trans folks at the hands of their oppressors? All sorts of folks committing horrible acts of violence fill the news. Was it the anxiety building towards the SCOTUS marriage decision? It could be Pride fever, gone amuck or fear that one of the Republic gas bags might become the next president of these United States. Then again, it could be just us. Maybe we just live in a world where me me me, my issues my issues, take precedence. Could it be, as folks are more isolated yet connected, we are becoming more tone deaf to each other?We all have felt rejection along the old divides: age and class, but a whole new minefield: labels. Yes, labels. Labels like in how we identify ourselves, gay, straight, Trans, cis, polyamorous! You know, it came to me in a moment of brief insight. I was at a particular meeting of kind people as folks were being introduced. One woman didnt say hello or give her name, instead she launched into a list of her labels. Yes, I knew all of the terms and what they meant. Yet, this was a meeting of our allies and friends. Sure enough, in a meek voice an ally asked what does that mean? Remember, a fundamental rule of speaking, know your audience. After all, it isnt always about our labels or us. We are surrounded by other human beings who seek to connect.Then it struck me, that I had attended another summit of sorts with an older dowager friend at a local university. We briefly sat in on a student group talking about campus life issues. The meeting began with introductions and sharing. Along with that sharing came all of the usual labels including how people wanted to be known pronoun-wise. This process took about 30 minutes of the two-hour session. My friend remarked whatever are they going on about it. I explained it. But, he felt it was horribly inefficient.

Add in a good dose of zir and ze and a dose of a grand social work word or two such as intersectionality, I get why some of our own are confused. Id like to believe that members of our diverse communities want to correctly identify others in their zone of comfort. I also believe most of us dont truly wish to offend members of our own communities. After all, even my former employer, Mother Procter, taught us seek first to understand. (It meant listen to others before opening your yap.)Now, do we need to retrain our whole community to speak a new common language, or as I have suggested in some forums: we need a whole new construct (that is a fancy term for global idea) to identify ourselves with. Certainly, the purists out there will like the word queer. My friend says they can call me whatever they wish. But I know this isnt true for everyone. What to do? What to do?Id say begin with fundamentals; when asked start with your name or nickname what that name is that you would like to be greeted as. Certainly, we can all do that. Then try hello my name is Yes, I know each time we meet people we can make a bunch of horrible and inaccurate perceptions in a split second. But, take my nickname as an example, in such circles I introduce myself as Goose I was born a boy. Yes, that can generate a look or too. More effective, my name is Michael but people call me Goose.Call me convinced the more the labels, the less the understanding. Could it be that the labels dont have a universal meaning? This would be my hunch. Sometimes language and usage lags reality. Maybe the label struggle is emblematic of a tension between where we think we are and where we should be? I think labels can be a short to get over us the hurdle to understanding. They can also be problematic.There is where the anger piece comes in. I have seen some folks get vexed for others not understanding the being of their labels. I cant keep Holly Nears Singing for Our Lives in my head. If we show a genuine interest in others, skipping judgement we might get closer to understanding. If someone uses our name wrongly, gently correct. Or try this: If you wish, I can explain it to you, or if you want, privately. I know after all these years that when we get angry on FB, social media, in the press, and anonymous blogs full of vitriol against the very organizations we should be working, it doesnt help any of us nor does it grow meaning.I have made many of those labeling errors, and I am thankful to one Trans person whose pronoun I could never get right who simply said to me use my name. How ironic, that is exactly what I am advocating. Let us be kind to each other and let us seek first to understand. Better, yet how about a collective singing of Holly Nears song Singing for Our Lives.

About The WordView all posts by The Word