Communication Relationships Think about it. Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble. ~ Frank Tyger Thoughts: Agree or Disagree Question: If your ears wont get you in trouble, what will? Why? Communication: The process of creating and sending messages and of receiving and evaluation messages form others Communication either helps a relationship GROW or DIMINISH. Verbal communication : spoken words Non-verbal communication : without words, facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc. Verbal Communication One fourth of a persons day is spent VERBALLY Communicating. Throughout out the day, a person will send 100 to 300 messageshoping that the message is decoded similar to the way it was encoded. On average, a teens vocabulary is made up of as 10,000-12,000 words and 20,000-25,000 for a college graduate. Verbal Communication Many people FEAR verbal communication. Glossophobia is fear of public speaking. It is believed to be the single most common phobia, affecting as much as 75% of all people. When ranked among fears, it generally is the number one fear, surpassing even the fear of death. What makes speaking in front of people so scary? Styles of Communication People can verbally communicate using different styles. There are four basic styles typically used in conversations. The styles are Passive Aggressive Passive Aggressive Assertive Passive Communication Passive Communication is a style in which individuals communicate: avoiding expressing opinions or feelings not responding allowing grievances and annoyances to build having an outburst when they reach limit More Passive Passive communicators will often: fail to assert for themselves allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on rights fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions tend to speak softly or apologetically exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture The impact of a pattern of passive communication leaves one to feel anxious, depressed, resentful, confused Passive Thoughts A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like: Im unable to stand up for my rights. I dont know what my rights are. I get stepped on by everyone. Im weak and unable to take care of myself. People never consider my feelings. Aggressive Communication AGGRESSIVE is a style in which individuals communicate: Abruptly expressing their opinions and needs even if it violates others Presenting that their needs are more important than anyone elses needs Using verbal abusive to intimidate or ensure they get their way More Aggressive Aggressive communicators will often: try to dominate others use humiliation to control others criticize, blame, or attack others be very impulsive have low frustration tolerance speak loud, demanding, and overbearing act threateningly and rudely not listen well interrupt frequently use you statements Aggressive Communication The impact of a pattern of aggressive communication is that these individuals: become alienated from others alienate others generate fear and hatred in others always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to mature Impact of Aggressive The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like: Im superior and right and youre inferior and wrong. Im loud, bossy and pushy. I can dominate and intimidate you. I can violate your rights. Ill get my way no matter what. Youre not worth anything. Its all your fault. I react instantly. Im entitled. You owe me. I own you. Passive Aggressive PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals communicate: Both aggressive and passive communication Passively that they do not express themselves when not in agreement Aggressively that they then go behind the other persons back and say mean things or even do mean things out of anger. Pretend it is fine but later actions show not More on Passive Aggressive Passive-Aggressive communicators will often: mutter to themselves rather than confront have difficulty acknowledging their anger use facial expressions that don't match how they feel use sarcasm deny there is a problem appear cooperative use subtle sabotage to get even More Passive Aggressive The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive communication is that these individuals: become alienated from those around them remain stuck in a position of powerlessness discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't mature The passive-aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like: Im weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt. Im powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare. I will appear cooperative but Im not. Assertive Communication ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals communicate: Clearly by stating their opinions and feelings Firmly advocate for their rights and needs Do not violate the rights of others Assertive Assertive communicators will: state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully use I statements communicate respect for others listen well without interrupting feel in control of self and stand up for their rights have good eye contact speak in a calm and clear tone of voice have a relaxed body posture feel connected to others, component and in control Assertive The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that these individuals: feel connected to others feel in control of their lives are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature Assertive The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that says: We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another. I am confident about who I am. I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options. I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point. I cant control others but I can control myself. I place a high priority on having my rights respected. I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner. I respect the rights of others. Im 100% responsible for my own happiness. Questions to Answer: What communication style do you use? Is there more than one style of communication you use? What style of communication does your family mainly use? Situation: Your friend asks you to go to a movie you do not want to see. Choose two styles and respond. Non Verbal Communication Why is non verbal so important? It often times make communication stronger because it does the following: It reinforces a verbal message It can replace a verbal message It can contradict the verbal message Think about the three statements above. Give examples of HOW it does all of the above Non Verbal Communication Non verbal communication takes on many forms. What are ways people non verbally communicate? Facial Expression show if you are interested and understand, show emotions Eye Contact invites interaction, signals turn taking in conversations Paralinguisticvocal qualities such as pitch, tone, rate, and fluency impact a conversation. Say the following Accentuate the BOLDFACE word in each sentence. How does the meaning change? I didnt say she stole money I didnt say she stole money. More Non Verbal Body Gestures and Body Movements the way you move your bodycrossing arms, fidgeting Touching--- comforts a person during a difficult time or confirms your support Physical Environment how does the environment impact your conversation Appearance the way you dress or someone else is dressed Silence can be used as positive or negative More Non verbal Personal Space and Distance the space we create around ourselves to feel comfortable Intimate Space allow closeness, skin contact out to about 18 inchesfriends, partners Personal Distance 18 inches to 4 feet friendly conversation or heated argument Social Distance 4 fee to 12 feetsocial interactions that are impersonal Public Distance 12 feet and beyondtalking in front of strangers Cultural Differences Non verbal cues mean different things in different cultures. For example, Americans do not always value silence. It is looked at as negative. Many Asian Cultures view silence as a sign of wisdom. global-guide-to-hand-_n_ html Technology More than thirty millions are exchanged on a daily basis in North America. People use technology as a form of communication. What are benefits of communicating with technology? What are some negative aspects of using technology as communication? GenderDifferences Do men and women communicate differently? Experts do say that men and women approach communication differently. Examples of differences include: Mens language is often factual and action driven Womens language is emotional and evaluative Men often talk in conversations rather than listen Women often listen and share feelings Men speak in monotone voices Women use a variety of tones and voices What differences do you notice?