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Communication inPersonal Relationships

Imagine that suddenly you have no close friends and no romantic partner…….

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Understanding Personal Relationships A Voluntary commitment between irreplace

able individuals who are influenced by rules, relationship dialectics, and surrounding contexts.

Features of personal relationships Uniqueness Commitment Relationship rules Embeddedness in contexts Relationship Dialectics

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Features of Personal Relationships Uniqueness

Social relationship vs. Personal relationship

Connection defined by particular people and what they create

CommitmentA decision to remain with relationship,

intention to share with the futurePassion, Investment

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Features of Personal Relationships

Relationship RulesGuiding communication and interactio

nConstitutive rules: Meanings in variou

s communicationRegulative rules: When and with who

m specified & “shalt not” in marriage, religious groups

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Features of Personal Relationships

Embeddednes in contexts (social)Surroundings influence interactionsSocial norms in groupsParticular others & generalized othersApproval and disapprovalIncreasing cultural diversity

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Features of Personal Relationships Relationship dialectics: Opposing vs.

Continuous tensionsAutonomy / Connection

• Wanting to be separated and connectedNovelty / Predictability

• Wanting routines and noveltyOpenness/ Closedness

• Desires to be open and to maintain privacy

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Four Ways to Deal with Dialectical Tensions Neutralization

Negotiating a balance Separation

Favoring one and ignoring the other Segmentation

Assigning spheres Reframing

Redefining contradictions

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Evolutionary Course ofFriendship (6 stages)

Role-limited interaction Friendly relations

Common ground and interest Moving toward friendship

Stepping beyond social roles Nascent friendship

Increased involvement and caring Stabilized friendship

Shared assumption of continuity & Trust Waning friendship

Ceased being committed

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Evolutionary Course ofRomantic Relationship (3 phases)

EscalatingTypically six stages

NavigatingOngoing process of communication to

sustain intimacy over time Deteriorating

Intimacy weakens, dissatisfaction mounts

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Escalating (6 stages)

Individuals not interacting Invitational communication

Proximity & Similarity Exploratory communication Intensifying communication

Involves idealized (more than real; euphoria), personalized communication (private codes)

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Escalating

Revising communicationComing down to talk about strengths,

problems, the futureNegotiation, even conflicts

CommitmentDecision to stay with a relationship

permanently

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Navigating

Dynamic (not stable), thru new problems

Relationship culture: The nucleusRules, understandings, patterns…Usually unspoken

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Deteriorating (5 phases)

Dyadic breakdown Degeneration of relationship culture Gender differences (p. 202)

Intrapsychic phase Brooding about problems, thinking about alte

rnatives Dyadic phase

Not always occur, tends to involve conflict Avoiding taking about problems

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Deteriorating

Social phaseHow to explain breakupSeeking social support

Grave dressingBurying the relationship, accepting its

end

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Styles of Loving (p. 201)

Eros 激情 ; 強烈 Storge 知己 ; 益友 Ludus 遊嬉 ; 挑戰 Mania 狂熱 ; 極端 Agape 無我無私 Pragma 務實 ; 理性

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Challenges inPersonal Relationship Dealing with distance

Lack of daily communication Unrealistic expectation for time together

Managing dual-career relationship Lack of equity Women with more psychological responsibilities

Resisting violence and abuse between intimates Violence seldom stops without intervention Predictable cycle (p. 208)

Negotiating safer sex More difficult to talk about sex than to engage in it Under influence of alcohol or drugs