Communication How can I get others to understand me?
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Transcript of Communication How can I get others to understand me?
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Communication
How can I get others to understand me?
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Intrapersonal Skills
Definition - Those skills used to communicate with oneself
Examples:
-Self-Control
-Self-Discipline
-Self-Talk
-Accepting Responsibilities
SELF
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Interpersonal Skills
Definition - Those skills used to communicate with others
Examples:
-Listening
-Talking
-Problem-Solving
-Understanding
Others
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Reasons Why We Need These Skills
• They Help us to UNDERSTAND our own behavior
• They Help us COPE with circumstances of life
• They Help us CONTROL situations we find ourselves in
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Communication Styles
Transactional Analysis
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Child-like Communication
• Easiest to recognize• Most natural to use• Immature• Least effective when
you are an adult• Self-centered• Many teens and
adults revert to this style when they are frustrated or upset
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Child-like Communication• Giving orders• Whining• Name calling• Yelling• Verbal abuse• Not listening• Interrupting• Topping• Throwing tantrums• Acting out of control
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Parent-like Communication• Has nothing to do with age
or being a parent• Directing other’s behaviors• Effective in getting others to
comply• One-way or dictatorial• Gets the point across• Affects the behavior of
others• Commonly used with those
using child-like communication
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Parent-like Communication• Giving Instructions• Directing• Punishing• Demanding• Ordering• Talking down to• “Mom, get me a cookie.”• “Go get my book out of
my locker.”• “Lend me a dollar”
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Adult-like Communication
• Highest level• Most desirable• Most Effective
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Adult-like Communication• Desire for open- two way
communication• Taking responsibility for
comments and actions• Remaining calm• Showing respect for others’
feelings and opinions• Wanting to resolve
problems with a win-win attitude
• Having trust in others• Controlling emotions while
discussing
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Which is the most effective style of communication?
a. Childb. Adultc. Parent
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Communication Hammer
Shank
Is like Non-Verbal Communication
It is strong and can be used to support construction or
destruction
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Communication Hammer
Claw
Is like Destructive Communication
It is sharp and dangerous and is
used to destroy and tear down
relationships
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Communication Hammer
Head
Is like Constructive Communication
It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put
things together
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Communication Hammer
Handle
Is like Us, the driving force
We are in control of our communication. We choose to use it in a
constructive or destructive manner.
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Destructive Communication
• Blaming• Endless Fighting• Character
Assassination• Calling in
Reinforcements• Withdrawal• Need to be Right• Playing the Martyr• “You” Messages
• Threatening• Sarcasm• Interrupting• Swearing• Insulting• Harassing• Teasing• Gossip• Lies• Sexual Harassment
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Constructive Communication
• Timing• Asking Questions• Clarifying• Reflective Listening• Respect• Consideration• Listening
• Avoiding Intense Emotions
• Honesty/Openness• Positive &
Encouraging• Keeping Confidences• “I” Messages
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“I” Messages
• Help to decrease tension and defensiveness
• Simple structure:– I feel __________ when _______________.– Use feeling words for the first blank– Use what is happening or causing the problem
in the second blank
– I feel angry when you ignore what I am saying.
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Behavior Characteristics
Passive• Always Agrees
• Buys from Everyone• Takes the blame
• Lets others walk over them
• Apologizes a lot• Refers to Other’s
Opinions
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Behavior Characteristics
Aggressive• Tells others what to do
• Gets angry easily• Forces their opinions on
others• Demands explanations
• Critical• Interrupts• Sarcastic
• Runs over people
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Behavior Characteristics
Assertive• States Opinion Calmly• Negotiates and makes
compromises• Smiles
• Takes credit when due• Doesn’t have to win• Can admit mistakes
• Cooperates with others• Listens to others
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Conflict Resolution
Step 1 - Define the Problem
-Begin with the Positive
-Describe the specifics
-Express your Feelings
-Admit your part in the situation
*Avoid changing the subject!
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Conflict Resolution
Step 2 - Summarize your feelings for clarification
“So you feel angry because took your clothes without asking.”
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Conflict Resolution
Step 3 - Look for solutions
There are many solutions to one problem.
Look for consequences. Make compromises.Each person should be
involved.
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Conflict Resolution
Step 4 - End with an expression of Love (kindness) for each other.
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Conflict Resolution
If a resolution has not been achieved within a short period (30 mins or less), put things on hold for a set period of time.
Then readdress the problem later.
Sessions that go too long have very little chance of a mutual resolution.
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Verbal Drawing Exercise1. Down 2 inches2. Right 3 inches3. Up 2 inches4. Diagonal Up and Left 2
inches5. Diagonal Down and Left
2 inches6. Right 3 inches7. Down 2 inches8. Left 2 inches9. Up 1 and 1/2 inches10. Right 1 inch
11. Down 1 and 1/2 inches12. Left 4 inches13. Up 2 inches14. Make a squiggly circle 2
inches around over the top of the line
15. Down 2 inches16. Left 2 inches17. Up 4 inches18. Make a smooth circle 1
inch around at the top of the line
19. Draw triangles around the circle
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How Much Do We Really Listen?
This Line represents 1 Hour of what we hear
• 30 mins - we don’t hear what is said
• 15 mins - we don’t understand
• 7.5 mins - we don’t believe
• 3.5 mins - we forget
• 3.5 mins - We Remember!