Communication & Challenging Conversations PCMA 2014 Montreal
-
Upload
mckinley-solutions -
Category
Leadership & Management
-
view
78 -
download
0
Transcript of Communication & Challenging Conversations PCMA 2014 Montreal
Strive first to understand, then be understood
Everyone wants to heard and understood forwho they are. Each person wants to be
appreciated and valued.
When you listen, magic happens.Listening allows a leader to been seen as a servant, not parent, judge, or critic. Listening
builds others. Listening builds trust.
What are we really saying?Words
Tone Body Language
Communication is 7% about WHAT you say and 93% about WHO you say it to!
7%
55%38%
How do you think the communication pie is divided?
Definitioncom·mu·ni·ca·tion
• an act or instance of transmitting• a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system
of symbols, signs, or behavior
communication• c.1384, "to impart, share," lit. "to make common”
Challenging ConversationsA discussion between two of more people when two or more people where:(1) stakes are high
(2) opinions vary, and
(3) emotions run strong
McKinley Solutions Inc. © 7
McKinley Solutions Inc. © 9
Leadership and Challenging Conversations
For a conversation to qualify as a “crucial conversation” it has to have an impact on
the quality of your life.
Does employeefeedback have an
impact on life?
Can it be touchy and sensitive?
Can employee feedback be a
challenging conversation?
Choosing to Have the Conversation
• At times we can plan how we want a conversation to go.
• Other times, the conversation is spontaneous.• You have to be prepared to accept the consequences of any conversation you have.
What are the results of NOT having challenging conversations?
• Low employee morale
• Reduced efficiencies• Increased costs• Project delays
You can’t hide forever!
Cruc
ial C
onve
rsatio
nsMore than just in the workplace…• These conversational skills are not just for the workplace.
• These conversational skills can improve your relationships, revitalize your community and improve your personal health.
The Power of DialogueDialogue: The free flow of meaning between
two or more people
Pool of Shared Meaning– Composed of thoughts and feelings; informs
us and propels us into action – Results when everyone feels safe
– Enhances people’s willingness to act ontheir decisions
Pool Of Shared Meaning
Shared meaning is composed of thoughts and feelings (ours and theirs) and informs and propels us into action.
Shar
ed M
eanin
g
Shar
ed M
eanin
g Benefits of a Shared Pool of Meaning
1. Successful dialogue results when everyone feels safe enough to add their meaning to the shared pool of meaning
2. Shared meaning enhances people’s willingness to act on their decisions.
Know What You Really WantConversation. Focus on What you Want Out of the ConversationAsQ: What do I really want:
for myself? for the other person? for the relationship? for the organization?
Learn to Recognize Challenging
Conversations
The sooner you notice you’re not in dialogue, the quicker you can get back to
dialogue, and lower the cost.
SILENCE: purposefully withholding information from the dialogue. Used to avoid creating a problem. Always restricts the flow of meaning.
Common forms of silence:
MASKING: understating or selectively showing what you actually think. Sarcasm, Sugarcoating, Couching, etc.
AVOIDING: not addressing the real issues. Changing subject, Shifting the focus to others, etc.
WITHDRAWING: not engaging in the conversation any longer. Exiting conversation or room all together.
Style Under Stress Quiz
Style Under Stress QuizVIOLENCE: convincing, controlling, or compelling others to your viewpoint. Violates safety by forcing meaning into the pool.
Common forms:
CONTROLLING: coercing others to your way of thinking. Cutting others off, overstating your facts, speaking in absolutes, dominating conversation.
LABELING: stereotyping or categorizing people. Name-calling, generalizing
ATTACKING: belittling or threatening others
When a Conversation Turns Challenging…
1.Clarify what you really want. 2.Clarify what you really don’t
want. 3.Present your brain with a
more complex problem.
Learn to Look:Content and Conditions
There is a need for Dual‐Processing during challenging conversations: – Look at content (what)
– Look at conditions (why)
Make It Safe:Purpose and Respect
When others move to silence or violence, STEP OUT.
3. Ma
ke It
Saf
e
Make It Safe:Purpose and Respect
Which condition of safety is at risk?
Mutual PurposeDo others believe you care about their goals?
Mutual RespectDo others believe you respect them?
3. Ma
ke it
Safe
Apologize and ContrastApologize when you have made a mistake.
Contrast to fix misunderstandings.
Start with what you don't intend or mean. Then explain what you do intend or mean
Harness Your Emotions
If we take control of our emotions and stories, they
won’t control us.
4. Ma
ster Y
our S
tories
State Your Path
SHARE your facts TELL your story (facts + conclusion) ASK for others’ paths (humility) TALK tentatively ENCOURAGE testing ‐make it safe for
others to express differing views
Talking tools for sensitive topics
Learning to Listen
Effective communication begins witheffective listening, such that you build
trust and work toward achievinginsight through a step by step process.
• For leisure and pleasure
• To take part in a dialogue or discussion
• To gather information
• To receive instructions
• To comprehend
• To get the essence of what is being said
Reasons we Listen
Benefits of Effective Listening Skills for Personal Growth and Development
Learning the skill of Effective Listening benefits personal development and relationships:
• Effective Communication
• Decreased Misconceptions
• Stronger Connections
• Personal Development
Hearing Listening ≠
Listening is an active process of communication that involves comprehending or understanding
the meaning of what is being said before a response is made.
The stages of the listening process occur in sequence:
1. Hearing
2. Attention
3. Understanding
4.Remembering
5.Evaluating
6.Responding
Asking the Right Questions
Closed-ended questions allow for dichotomous answers: Yes/No - True/False - This/That
It encourages short or single-word answers.
Open-ended questions encourage full, meaningful answers.
It draws out the speaker’s own knowledge and emotions.
Active Listening
4 Listening Tools for helping othersshare their paths to action
–ASK them to tell their stories–MIRROR to confirm feelings–PARAPHRASE to acknowledge their story–PRIME when you’re getting nowhere
Move to Action: Decision Making
Command: Decisions made by authority
Consult: Input gathered from the group.
Vote: An agreed-upon percentage swings the decision.
Consensus: Everyone comes to an agreement and supports the final decision.
Finish ClearlyDetermine who does what by when. Make deliverables crystal clear. Set a follow‐up time. Record the commitments and then follow up. Finally, hold people accountable to their promises.
Feedback is all about INFORMATION
Feedback can be positive, negative or simply neutral.
Without feedback, the performer is like a blind worker.
The failure to perform feedback is a feedback itself: NO FEEDBACK, and communicates the message that no
one cares about performance or the performer.
People want to excel. And to know how they are doing, they need feedback information.
Asking the Right QuestionsClosed-ended questions allow for
dichotomous answers:Yes/No - True/False - This/That
It encourages short or single-word answers
Open-ended questions encourage full, meaningful answers
It draws out the speaker’s own knowledge and emotions
Ten Common Mistakes in Giving Feedback
1.The feedback judges individuals, not actions.2.The feedback is too vague.3.The feedback speaks for others4.Negative feedback gets sandwiched
between positive messages.5.The feedback is exaggerated with
generalities.
Ten Common Mistakes in Giving Feedback
6.The feedback psychoanalyzes the motives behind behaviour.
7.The feedback goes on too long.8.The feedback contains an implied threat.9.The feedback uses inappropriate humour.10.The feedback is a question, not a
statement.
4 - Step Feedback Model
Step 1 Identify the behaviorStep 2 Describe the effects of behaviorStep 3 Describe change you would like to seeStep 4 Gain commitment to change
Characteristics of a Good Feedback System
P – Performance standard orientedE – Easily understandableR – Routed to the right personF – Frequent O – On targetR – Relevant M – Measurable E – Expressed positivelyR – Real and HonestS – Self-administered
The Coaching Concept
Evaluate to determine knowledge,skill and confidence levels.
Define objectives that can bemeasured periodically.
Clarify direction, goals and accountability.
Encourage peer coaching.
The Coaching ConceptCoaching involves giving advice, skills building, creating challenges, removing barriers, building
better processes, learning through discovery, etc.
Deal with emotional obstacles byhelping them through change.
Give feedback.
Lead by example.
Clear Direction?• Where are you going?
Clear Strategy?• How are you going to get there?
Clear set of Expectations?• What does your team expect
from you ?• What do you expect from the
team?
61McKinley Solutions Inc. ©
The Challenge of Change
1. Why are we changing?2. What is in it for me?3. What can we/I to do
differently?4. What tools/support do we
have?5. How will we be
measured?
© 2011 McKinley Solutions
Guiding Questions
STOP-START-CONTINUEIndividual & Group Challenge:
Use a Start-Stop-Continuetemplate to create specific
action for yourself
63McKinley Solutions Inc. ©
Take Action Now
Mark R. Thompson
w: www.mckinleysolutions.come: [email protected]
t: 888-769-1577
www.twitter.com/mckinleysolnswww.slideshare.net/mckinleysolutionswww.delicious.com/mckinleysolutions
www.flickr.com/photos/mckinleysolutionswww.facebook.com/mckinleysolutions
www.linkedin.com/company/mckinley-solutions